7. Lapinette's Pyramid Sales Venture

"There are our marks!" whispered Skratch.  Lapinette smiled sweetly, picked up a Stone and hopped forward. "We are the Drabs of Clan MacDrab," said the creatures. "I'm Ponzi" giggled Lapinette. The Drabs considered, "We are interested in buying your Stones." Skratch, Jenny and Lapinette all shook their heads.  "Fortunately for you, you can't buy a Stone," said Jenny. "You can only buy into the Stone Investment Club." The Drabs were far from happy and grumbled noisily, so Skratch interrupted. "When more investors invest, you will receive a Stone as a gift." "And a lot of money," gurgled Lapinette, "you can't lose, look at me, my pockets are overflowing with cash." "We don't want money, we want the Stone ... I mean Stones," said the leading Drab. Jenny rocked back and forth in her most pirate fashion and guffawed. "With money you can get as many Stones as you desire!" "How much would it take to buy you out?" said the Drabs. "What, the whole lot?" asked Skratch. "That would ruin our business and spoil our fun." With a hop skip and a jump Lapinette darted to the rear of the Drabs and collected investments. Money came in quickly and she returned to her friends. Solemnly she handed €8000 to the Drab leader and lifted the first Stone. "This is your Stone, which may not be resold." "I want more Stones," said the Drab. "Then find more investors," said Jenny." "How many?" asked the Drab. "Everybody," said Lapinette. "Everybody must get Stones."

6. The Wabbit, Stone and Dark Space

The instant Stone stepped outside Quantum the Train, there was a bright flash and he split into a multitude of identical Stones. Lining up behind him, the Stones ground against each other and chanted as they faced the Drabs. The Wabbit could hear it. He glanced at Wabsworth and said, "Sound doesn't travel in Space." "You could have fooled me," said Wabsworth, "it makes my fur stand on end." "Shh. They're going to talk," said the Wabbit and he peered out. "MacDrabs!" shouted Stone. "Away hame to yer mithers!" The MacDrabs made a sound like bagpipes deflating in a hall. "You're coming with us, we've a wee surprise for you." "The winds gone out of ye," shouted Stone. "Ye couldnae surprise a target in a fairground." Now the Drabs' sound became a piercing whine as they advanced towards the Stones. "Nae further!" shouted Stone. "And look behind you, by the way." "Did you think we'd fall for that old trick?" sneered the MacDrab leader. As the Wabbit watched from Quantum's windscreen the radio burst into life and crackled with signals - but they weren't for the Wabbit. "Stone to Marshall Duetta Spyder, copy?" A sea of red spiders appeared from each corner of space. The radio hissed and Duetta's silky voice answered. "Orders?" "Cut them off from their ship," said Stone. "Scatter them and pursue them until they drop." "And then?" said Duetta. "Finish them," said Stone ...
[Away hame to yer mithers (Scottish, derisive): Run directly home to your mothers' protection.]

5. The Wabbit and the Clan MacDrab

"Who are they?" asked the Wabbit. Creatures loomed at the windows of Quantum's restaurant car and peered in with sharp eyes. "These are the Drabs of Clan MacDrab," said Stone. "I've never heard of them," said Wabsworth. "There are more creatures in heaven and earth, undreamt of by androids," said Stone. They watched as Drabs pressed their granite grey faces against the windows. "I don't like the look of them, Stone," said the Wabbit. The Stone began to vibrate slightly. "They're so dreary and hostile they were banished," he hissed. "It didn't work," said the Wabbit, glancing out. "Well I'm gonnie deal wae them now," said Stone. The Wabbit shook his head vigorously. "No can do!" But Stone glowed a pale blue colour that gradually darkened. "I outrank you, sonny." The Wabbit shook his head again. "I just can't allow it." Now Stone was getting bigger. "I'm going outside," he said. "Ah know whit I'm doing." Now the Wabbit pricked up his ears because he could hear a scraping along the carriage that set his teeth on edge. "OK, what's your plan?" he sighed. "It's them or us," said Stone, "so I'm going to send them to a greyer place." "You'll need a helping paw," said Wabsworth. "Don't worry," snarled Stone. "I'll grind them finer than space dust."

4. Jenny, Skratch & the Pyramid Trick

In Turin, the fake Stones were taken to the market in a borrowed truck. "We have to put up a show, Skratch," said Jenny. Skratch had been a Cat Burglar and knew a few tricks. "I think I can manage!" he laughed. But Jenny was a pirate and tricks were her stock and trade. "I propose we don't sell the Stones at all." Skratch looked puzzled. She put down her stone and rocked back and forth like a pirate. "Clients have to buy into our scheme." Her eyes twinkled. "They don't buy the Stone?" asked Skratch. "No," said Jenny, "Someone pays us €1000 to be a Member of the Stone Club." "What next?" said Skratch - although he knew what was coming. Jenny swayed. "When they bring us 8 more paying members, they receive a Stone as a gift and €8000." "Ah," said Skratch, "Each of these new members recruit another 8 members," said Jenny, "at which point they receive a gift and money." "Most profitable," said Skratch, "but this system is doomed to collapse." "I know," smiled Jenny. "It will last long enough to spot the enemy." "How will we recognise them?" asked Skratch. "They'll know the trick," said Jenny, "and they'll try to trick us." "No-one can trick us," said Skratch smugly. "Then we pounce," said Jenny. Skratch threw back his head and laughed. "We need our shill," said Jenny. Skratch saw Lapinette come round the corner and nudged Jenny. "Here she is now." "Ahaaahrr there, young rabbit," said Jenny. "Wanna be a member?"

[shill: an accomplice of a confidence trickster who poses as a genuine customer to entice others]

3. The Wabbit and Singing the Stone

Leaving Skratch and Rabbit Jenny to trade decoy stones, the Wabbit and Wabsworth flew out with the real Stone on board Quantum, the Time Travelling Train. "Ooooh, this is braw" said Stone as he stared out into space. "Shall we sing?" said Quantum, "we always sing." The Wabbit nudged Wabsworth because he knew Quantum was referring to the two occasions it had actually happened. "You start, Wabwsorth," he smiled. Wabsworth put a paw over one ear and adopted a nasally folk voice. "Oh, I tell you a story of a powerful State/ but over the years it just wisnae so great/ It got down on its knees and it started to pray/ For the Stane that it needed was stolen away." "Too-ra-loo," sang the Wabbit. "Too-ra-lay," sang Quantum. "Wi’ a too-ra-li-oo-ra-li-oo-ra-li-ay" sang the Stone. Everyone laughed with delight. "Hang on," said the Wabbit as the radio hummed. "There's something on sub-space." "I'll try to get a better fix," said Wabsworth. The cabin echoed to strange syllables but they listened intently. "This is KOI-3284.01," said a voice. "Speak," said the Wabbit. "Our homeworld is the Planet of the Stones. You are singing our anthem." "Oh yes," growled the Wabbit suspiciously. "Then sing me some more." An instrument played notes they had never heard before and then a deep voice sang. "There's none here with courage to challenge your claim/ that you have the true and original Stane." "Red alert," said the Wabbit.
[braw: adj. Scots, fine, excellent.]

2. The Wabbit and the Bootleg Stones

In a long abandoned and completely forgotten warehouse, Big Blue Snail and Wabsworth had been churning out more stones than a bootleg music factory. When the Wabbit and Rabbit Jenny arrived, they encountered an army of stones marching around like clockwork toys. "Ah, Commander," said Big Blue Snail. "Look at our creations. They're all beautiful and they move." "Do they talk?" asked Jenny. Snail paused. "We haven't been introduced." He glanced disapprovingly at the Wabbit and turned back. "I am Big Blue Snail. Pleased to make your acquaintance." Jenny nodded and rocked in a pirate fashion. "My compliments. I am Captain Rabbit Jenny." "Well do they talk?" asked the Wabbit impatiently. "Try them," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit hopped forward and spoke to the stone at the front. "Are you the true and original stone?" "Aye!" said the stone. "Naw, it's me!" said the second stone. Another jumped up and down. "I'm the only authentic and genuine stone here, by the way." The Wabbit looked at Jenny and then at Wabsworth and then at Snail. "Perfect," he said. Wabsworth chuckled. "I manufactured a sardonic sub routine especially for these fellows." Snail looked troubled for an instant. "How about their accents?" "They'll fool our enemies," smiled the Wabbit. Wabsworth was relieved. "I had trouble with the vowels." "So does everyone," laughed the Wabbit.

1. The Wabbit considers Stone Safety

The Wabbit decided there was safety in numbers but he still wasn't happy about enemies appearing at every turn. "Do you have a plan to keep the Stone safe, Wabbit?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit shrugged. "To tell you the truth I don't." "I'm perfectly aw right," said the Stone. "I'm enjoying myself." The Wabbit was not impressed. "Everyone's looking for you!" he snapped. Skratch the Cat was feeling rather out of things and his voice came booming from the rear. "There must be a price on Stone's head." "Ah hope it's huge," said the Stone. The Wabbit paused for a long time and Lapinette watched him carefully. "I have an idea," he said." "I have a better one," said Rabbit Jenny the Pirate. "You first," said the Wabbit. Jenny smiled. "We can manufacture several stones identical to our Stone - then offer them for sale on the open market." "That will flush out the rest of our enemies." said Skratch with relish. "But what about the safety of our Stone?" asked Lapinette. "Now for my idea," said the Wabbit. "We'll take Stone off-planet until Jenny's plan is executed." "Oh!" exclaimed Stone. "I've never been off-planet, is it guid?" Skratch nodded gravely. "There's an awful lot of it," he purred. "Ach," laughed Stone, "Ah feel like a change of scenery."

5. The Wabbit in Chemical Avenue

On the upper levels, Jenny, Skratch and the Stone watched as the Wabbit and Lapinette started to run. They were closely followed by Wabsworth and Robot, but Wabsworth threw the canister over his shoulder as he had seen the Wabbit do many times before. The canister bounced along the concrete ramp. Then it rolled towards the Voodoo Wasps and stopped. For a moment nothing happened and there was a cry of derision from the Wasps. But the can started to hiss and suddenly billowing clouds of smoke enveloped them. They started to cough and drop, then lay in heaps of thrashing legs and wings. The Wabbit could hear them croaking and he shed a slight tear - not from sympathy, but ingestion of some of the fumes. "Where did you get the gas?" coughed the Wabbit. "I found it in the coat you gave me," said Wabsworth, "for a while I thought it was breath freshener." Lapinette spluttered. "Let's get to a higher floor." Turbina the Jet Car headed down the ramp to pick them up and they quickly crammed in. Lapinette seized the wheel because the Wabbit was queasy and had turned a delicate green. "How many enemies are there in this town?" asked the Wabbit. "How many have you got?" replied Lapinette. "They just keep coming," said the Wabbit. "I really can't help it." "Napoleon was right." stated Lapinette. The Wabbit raised a tearful eye and pre-empted her. "Never interrupt your enemies when they're making mistakes."

4.The Wabbit and the Zombie Hostages

The Wabbit's ears pricked up as Turbina the Jet Car let off a warning honk. He dragged out his automatic and gestured at everyone to stay where they were. Then he hopped cautiously down the ramp, followed closely by Lapinette. His nose wrinkled at the sight of Robot and Wabsworth, his android double, being escorted up the ramp by Voodoo Wasps. The Wabbit waved his gun. "Unhand my friends,"  he yelled, "or it will be the worse for you." The drone of the Wasps was deafening. "Your friends are zombies now," buzzed the lead Wasp. "So give us the Stone or we'll make zombies of you all." The Wabbit narrowed his eyes because he knew Wabsworth and Robot were electronic and couldn't become zombies. He caught Lapinette's eye, glanced at Wabsworth then Robot. "I-am-a-Zombie," uttered Robot suddenly and with conviction. The Wabbit recognised the right moment and he made an imperceptible movement known only to Lapinette. "What is your purpose, Robot?" screamed Lapinette suddenly. "We-must-serve. Serve-to-live-after-we-die," said Robot in a staccato tone. Wabsworth scratched his nose several times and tapped something he was holding to his fur. "The-Stone-must-serve-them! Serve-those-who-must-be-served," he wailed. The Wabbit moved closer to Lapinette. "When Wabsworth throws the canister, run!" "Where to?" murmured Lapinette. "Far," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Ramp Summit

The team gathered at the big ramp where they could be certain to defend against the Wasps. The Stone was surprisingly agile and he scooted up like a young mountain goat. "Oh," he yelled. "I spy big creepy-crawly things." "Marshall Duetta Spyder" said the Wabbit in surprise. "I thought you were on leave." "You sounded desperate," said Duetta, "so I rounded up some troops and scurried over." The sound of buzzing echoed around the concrete and they paused. "The Wasps are back," said the Wabbit feeling slightly foolish. Duetta rattled her legs and all her troops did the same. "Commander Wabbit," she said in the silkiest of silky voices. "These are not the Wasps we sent to the Sombrero Galaxy." An air of puzzlement hung like a jigsaw. "Then who are they?" asked Lapinette. Duetta snorted. "They are Glyptapanteles, often known as the Voodoo Wasps." "I know them from the Caribbean," said Jenny. "But they're too big." "Who are you?" asked Duetta. "You may call me Captain," snapped Jenny. "And there's me! Don't forget me!" shouted the Stone. "I know you," said Duetta. "I got a circular." "We have to protect the Stone at all costs," said the Wabbit. The Stone leapt up and down on the parapet and shouted. "We had unco trouble already!" The legs of all the spiders rattled for what seemed like an age. "I'm bigger than trouble," said Duetta.

[Unco adj. (Scottish): Strange, Uncanny, Weird]

2. The Wabbit & the Return of the Wasps

For security reasons, the Wabbit and the Stone changed vehicles. Turbina the Jet Car was available and at the request of the Stone, they drove to hills that overlooked the river. The Stone climbed onto Turbina's roof and looked down. "I hear buzzing," murmured the Wabbit. "It sounds like the drone a' waahsps," said the Stone. Turbina's voice broke in and they both listened carefully - because Turbina was of such a high rank in the Department of Wabbit Affairs, no-one knew exactly what it was. "I understood Commander, that you exiled the Wasps to the Sombrero Galaxy." The Wasps loomed larger and larger and larger until they filled the horizon. "They're much bigger now," gasped the Wabbit. "Diet?" suggested the Stone. "I'll call it in," said the Wabbit, plucking his walkie-talkie from his fur. "Marshall Duetta Spyder, come in please," "I'm on holiday," said a silky voice. The Wabbit sighed and changed frequencies. "Lapinette, we have a situation." "Is it a Wasp situation?" said Lapinette. The Wabbit put his other paw in his fur and drew out his automatic. "It's a Giant Wasp situation," he said, snicking the safety off. "We need reinforcements." The radio crackled. "I thought you exiled the Wasps." "To the Sombrero Galaxy," added Turbina tersely. "Where's the Sombrero Galaxy anyway?" asked the Stone, "is it far?" The Wabbit grimaced. "28 million light years." "Now there's a road less travelled!" said the Stone. The Wabbit growled. "Sometimes it's for good reason."

1. Lapinette, Jenny and the Wasps

Jenny was homesick for the sea so Lapinette thought she'd take her for target practice. In a quiet spot where hardly a soul ever went, they took pot shots at various things and talked. Lapinette's Makarov blasted and a can jumped in the air. "Where's the Stone?" asked Jenny. Her automatic chattered and a rusty sign disintegrated. "Oh, he's sure to be somewhere safe with the Wabbit," said Lapinette hopefully. "I thought I heard weapon fire," said Jenny. "Just an echo," said Lapinette. But she looked around all the same. "Did I hear a plane?" asked Jenny. She let off two shots and narrowed her eyes. "We're not far from the airport," muttered Lapinette. "It was a military transport plane," said Jenny. Lapinette fired three rounds and the ricochets voomped around buildings. Time passed and a pile of spent cartridges littered the ground. "What's that buzzing?" murmured Lapinette. Jenny scanned all about. "Sounds like insects." "It's rather noisy," said Lapinette. She put down her pistol and scrutinised the area. "Bees? Wasps? Hornets?" suggested Jenny, but Lapinette was staring intently at dancing yellow reflections in the water. Suddenly she nodded to herself. She picked up her Makarov, ejected the cartridge and inserted another. Then she made certain she had spares handy. "Trouble?" enquired Jenny. Lapinette looked up to the sky. Jenny followed her gaze and gasped, "Lud rot my vitals, they're huge!"

4. The Wabbit and an Air Delivery

The Wabbit drove swiftly to a place he knew well, with the Agents of Rabit in hot pursuit. The Stone kept looking back. "They seem a wee bit annoyed," he said. "Unfinished business," said the Wabbit. He made a series of sharp turns, doubled back and for a moment it looked as if he'd lost them. Then he span the steering wheel and hauled on the brake. The jeep screeched sideways into an alleyway and stopped just short of the lead group. "What now?" asked the Stone. "We get out," said the Wabbit. The Agents stopped as they always did and shouted death threats. But before they advanced they couldn't help spitting and and howling insults so the Wabbit nudged the Stone to prepare him. "Your fur is a disgrace, Wabbit." shouted the biggest Agent. "Who cut it?" shouted another, "the fishmonger?" "They need a seein' to," muttered the Stone. "They're going to get one," advised the Wabbit and he twitched both ears. "I can hear a plane," said the Stone. Suddenly the air was thick with parachutists as all 400 of the Wabbit's private guard came tumbling from the sky. The Stone smiled - insofar as he could smile. "Hell's teeth son, whit are these?" Snazer fire and painful cries echoed across the walkways. "They are the 400 Rabbits." grinned the Wabbit. "I think this dance is oors," said the Stone.

3. The Wabbit and the High Chase

The Wabbit took the shortest route but it wasn't the easiest. It involved climbing near vertically up the Roman walls and flying off the other side. This the Wabbit accomplished at the cost of the passenger door he had previously kicked. The Agents of Rabit swarmed up the walls in pursuit, but they hadn't reckoned on the Wabbit's manoeuvre. It was what he called the Jeep Jump, which he only used in emergencies because it gave him dyspepsia. "How's your tummy, Stone?" asked the Wabbit as Agents fell from the wall with varying degrees of suprise. "I don't have a tummy exactly," said the Stone. His ears had turned a delicate mauve-blue and now he could feel the effects of  his long journey. "Where did ye learn to drive anyway, laddie?" "Tank Destroyers," murmured the Wabbit. "Aye," nodded the Stone. His ring-like eyes flickered to the rear. "Who in the name of all that's holy are these scunners?" The Wabbit scowled and peered through the cloudy windscreen. "They're Agents of Rabit, our oldest sworn enemy. They want to destroy us." "Ach, enemies," said the Stone. "They haud around much longer than friends, but what do they want wae me?" "Well, it's usually not about the money," sighed the Wabbit. "What it's aboot then?" asked the Stone. "World domination and enslavement," said the Wabbit. "Step on it son," growled the Stone. "We'll hae none a' that!"
[Scunner: Glasgow dialect. An annoying person]

2. The Wabbit and the Dancing Trolls

There seemed to be some event going on in the Piazza, so the Wabbit drew up and both he and the Stone hopped out. "I hear bonnie music," said the Stone. "Let's have a look," said the Wabbit. In the distance the Wabbit thought he could see Folk Dancers, but as they drew close his expression changed - now he made out the awful features of his enemies, the Agents of Rabit. The Stone jumped in the air and did a wee jig. "Heuch!" he yelled and he bounced up and down oblivious to the Wabbit's dismay. "Stone," shouted the Wabbit over the music. "Stone, we'd better be getting along." "Ach," said the Stone. I like this." He birled left and right and his boots made a clackety sound on the paving stones. It was the clackety sound that did. An Agent in the centre of the dance turned very, very slowly to the left and stared the Wabbit right in the eyes. "Stone," called the Wabbit. "Just turn in a casual fashion and make your way back to the jeep." The Stone couldn't help it. He had to look round. "My Goad," he cried. "Whit are these creatures of repellent aspect?" The Wabbit smiled a lopsided grin and hopped towards the jeep. "Let me buy you lunch," he said. "Oh aye," said the Stone and still dancing he made his way to join the Wabbit. But as the Wabbit started the engine, the Agents of Rabit danced in formation round the jeep and leered through the windows. "Good music all the same," said the Stone. The Wabbit grimaced. "The Devil gets his pick."

1. The Wabbit and the Sightseeing Stone

The Wabbit had agreed to show the Stone around, but the Stone had ideas of his own. "What about this nice bus?" he asked. "Reasonable price, hop-on hop-off whaur ye like." "You can hop in my jeep," said the Wabbit, "and it won't cost you a thing," "Whit aboot lunch?" said the Stone slyly. "We can stop for lunch," said the Wabbit. The Stone nodded and looked up at the bus. "Whit aboot high photographs?" "We can go to a high place," said the Wabbit. The Stone pointed. "It says there's a commentary on the bus." "I can do a commentary," said the Wabbit. "Prove it," said the Stone. The Wabbit cleared his throat. "At the start of the first century BC, this spot was occupied by a gate in the Roman walls." "Boring," said the Stone. "Liven it up." "The mighty Decumanus Maximus Taurinorum started here," yelled the Wabbit. Tourists looked round and the Wabbit warmed up. "This is the old Capital and we still regard it as such," he proclaimed. Some bus passengers got off to listen. "Keep going, don't stop," said the Stone. "We call Turin ... the Cradle of Liberty!" shouted the Wabbit. Cheering broke out and they heard clapping from the top of the bus. "Will I take the money now?" suggested the Stone. The Wabbit gunned the throttle, span his wheels and kicked the passenger door open. "Get in," he said, "before we're arrested."

The Real Adventure Caffè

The team assembled at the Jazz Club for a secret confab but Skratch the Cat was late as usual. He liked to make an entrance. The Wabbit had the Stone in his charge and had been briefing him, so it was no surprise when the Stone shouted "I'll' ask the question!" They all pretended not to notice Skratch hove into sight. Suddenly the Stone yelled. "What kind of adventure was that?" Skratch stopped in his tracks and for once he was quiet. "The adventure was recuperated spectacle," murmured Jenny. Everyone looked round and Jenny smiled. "We undercut its hegemony through our directly lived experience." Skratch looked absolutely dumbfounded. "But did we fully foreground the signifier?" asked the Wabbit. "I think," said Lapinette, "that an overweening concern for structure is a sign of a misspent youth." Skratch croaked slightly and opened his mouth. Without warning, Wabsworth the Wabbit's android double, chipped in. "Complex phenomena cannot be reduced like so much soup!" "I'd like so much soup," said the Stone. Skratch was relieved to change the subject. "Of course," he said. "How discourteous of me. What soup will you have?" "Quantum soup," laughed the Stone. Skratch's eyes grew wide as his head. "We're pulling your leg, laddie," said the Stone. Skratch grinned weakly. "I think need a drink." 

The Wabbit and the Safety of the Stone

They met in the safety of the Dark Basement of the Goddesses to deliver the Stone. "Ahem," said the Wabbit because he didn't know what to say. He always felt in awe of Unut the Rabbit Goddess, but Jenny felt no awe whatsoever. "Pleased to meet you, Goddess," she nodded. Unut smiled. "No formality required. Around here, they call me Oonty." The Wabbit was delighted to see Unut in a such a good mood. "We brought the Stone," he said. There was a sudden skittering of the Stone's boots. "I'm here, you know. Am no invisible." Unut looked down affectionately. "Well done Stone. You're safe here." "Why did you need us?" asked the Wabbit boldly. Unut took the Wabbit's paw. "Only you and Jenny together could get to the Stone." "So what next?" asked Jenny. "Hold the Stone close," said Unut. "There are evil forces who want to destroy him." The Wabbit sighed with relief and he grinned broadly because now he felt in familiar territory. "Is that all?" he said, grasping Jenny's paw in solidarity. "Not quite," said Unut. The Wabbit's eyes narrowed and Unut's voice changed. "This enemy is trickier than most and they would use magic against us." "What kind of magic?" asked Jenny. "Voodoo," replied Unut. The Wabbit bared all of his 28 teeth. "Hop through the fire, fly through the smoke." Jenny gripped the Wabbit's paw tightly. "See our enemy at the end of dey rope."

The Wabbit and the Return Splash

The team heard an enormous roaring and they rushed to the observation window. They were above water and airborne, but the Wabbit recognised the buildings. "We're home!" he yelled, "We're home!" Thoth's voice boomed over the tannoy. "We have arrived in Turin. Please prepare to disembark."  "Where on earth can we disembark?" asked Skratch the Cat. The Wabbit frowned. He didn't relish Thoth returning to a his rightful shape as a baboon with everyone inside. But Wabsworth was as calm as an android can be. "The Egypt Museum probably, we have to hide the stone." Now Lapinette knew this would concern the Wabbit even more and murmured in his ear. "I'm sure the Stone will be fine there for a while." "What if he wants to go around?" mused the Wabbit. "What if he goes off on a folly?" "Let him," said Lapinette, "what's the worst that could happen?" In his mind, the Wabbit caught a brief glimpse of the city struck by flame, flood, pestilence and rogue meteorites. Skratch noticed the Wabbit's distracted look and spoke calmly. "I wonder," he said. "Not a soul will expect the Stone to do his own thing." "So by not hiding," added Jenny, "he will automatically be hidden where no-one will ever look." "OK," said the Wabbit and he looked purposefully around the team for an escort. "Puma?" suggested Lapinette. "Robot?" said Wabsworth. "Duetta?" said Skratch. "I suppose it falls to me," sighed the Wabbit.

17. The Wabbit at the Whale Caffè

"What's this for a sort of officers' mess?" asked Skratch. "I'm the God, Thoth," boomed Thoth out of nowhere. "I am thrice great and I can have thrice what I like." "Very sophisticated," said the Wabbit soothingly as he sipped his wine and for a moment there was silence. "Just don't leave any sticky wine rings on the generators," added Thoth. "It gets into the sprockets." The Wabbit shook his head and raised his glass. "I propose a toast," he said. "Here's to the team who brought back the Stone." "Am no back yet," said the Stone, "and where's my wine?" "Stones don't drink wine," said Lapinette. "Oh aye they do," said the Stone. "You just have to spill it on top of me." Lapinette looked at the Stone with astonishment. "I absorb it," he explained. A great wail echoed round the engines. "There will be no spilling of wine near my machinery," roared Thoth. "Thoth," said the Wabbit, "I didn't think you whale gods needed engines." "I'm experimenting," answered Thoth. "It's a whole new clean energy approach in deity transport." "These are electricity generators," said the Wabbit. "Exactly," replied Thoth. "What fuel do they run on?" asked the Wabbit. "Anti-plankton," said Thoth, "thrice recycled." The Wabbit glanced at Jenny the Pirate and she shrugged. "We're walking the anti-plankton," she smiled. 

16.The Wabbit - the Belly of the Whale

The team hopped into Thoth's mouth and slid down his whale's throat as if it was a chute. They weren't expecting a restaurant but they were delighted. The Stone took his place of honour as music started. A stately drum roll echoed in the vast hall, then a long wail of pipes swung rapidly into a reel. The Wabbit grinned mightily. He placed his feet together in a pointy fashion, sprang into the air and shouted "heuch" like a warlock. Lapinette only knew of this from books but she too flung herself upwards with joy. Jenny the Pirate was already airborne, dragging Skratch into a mad dance and singing. "Oh I've sailed in storms and I sailed through gales, but I ne'er did travel in the belly of a whale!" How they duner’d, and hooh’d, and thumped, and raved. They threw each other around until they were quite hysterical. "Oh," laughed the Wabbit, slumping. "That was awful guid." "I found my cap," said a delighted Skratch. The Wabbit turned to him but something else took his attention. "Wabsworth!" How did you get here?" Wabsworth looked up and waved. "I used another way in," he said, "it was rather interesting." Lapinette smirked as a deep voice boomed suddenly from the bowels of the whale. "Food is served in the Officers' Mess." "What's on the menu?" cried the Stone. "Seafood nibbles," boomed Thoth, "thrice fried." "Paw food!" yelled Skratch.

15. The Wabbit and Unusual Transport

The Wabbit looked into the distance and worried. "Where's Wabsworth?" "He's coming," said Lapinette, "he had some kingship ritual to perform." A strange cry split the air that was somewhere between a screech and a roar. "Please be quick," said Thoth the Whale. "I am thrice impatient." "What about our ships?" asked Jenny the Pirate. "I'm not going anywhere without my ship." "The Unut is in dry dock in Genoa," sighed Thoth, "and the Lepus is being retro-fitted in Troon." "Then how do we get home?" asked Skratch, "and where's my cap?" "You're coming with me," said Thoth, "do you have the Stone?" The Wabbit was furious and hopped up and down. "You knew what we had to find! You knew all along!" "I am thrice duplicitous," said Thoth. "Oh it's no use arguing," grunted the Wabbit. "We all have to get in." "What's it like in there?" asked Skratch. "Thoroughly unpleasant," snorted Jenny who had a clue about whales. Lapinette looked doubtful. There was another noise. "I have pleasant quarters and a full supply of aperitivi on board." "Rum?" asked Jenny. "Seven Fathoms," replied Thoth. "Music?" asked the Wabbit. "Jazz," said Thoth. "Any Highland tunes?" asked the Stone. "Drums, fifes, bagpipes and tabors," said Thoth. "I'm on ma holidays!" shouted the Stone.

14. The Wabbit & the King of Helpers

Suddenly the team was outside on a parapet, gazing at a figure towering over the landscape. The Wabbit's android double had been specifically left to go native with the locals - and it looked like he'd taken the job seriously. "Hurrah for the Liberator!" shouted the Creatures. "Hurrah for the electric rabbit!" Lapinette sounded disgruntled. "I thought Wabsworth was supposed to keep everything quiet." "Maybe he knows what he's doing," murmured the Wabbit and he fished his walkie talkie from his fur. "Wabsworth, what the binky are you doing?" The radio crackled. "Sorry Commander, they wouldn't have it any other way." "Your Excellency," sighed the Wabbit, "we found what we were looking for. Now we have to get out of here." "Get out with me, the Stone," yelled the Stone with glee. It was too loud. "They have the Stone!" yelled the creatures and they started to hum and sway rhythmically. "Sort it out Wabsworth," snapped the Wabbit and he switched his radio off. Wabsworth voice boomed out and it echoed from the two towers. "We must hide the Stone!" Still swaying, the creatures turned. "Hide the stone, hide the Stone!" they roared. "Our friends came to help us," shouted Wabsworth. "They will hide the stone for us!" The combined shouts of the creatures were deafening. "Help us,  dear Friends. Help us hide our Stone!" "He's good, this Wabsworth fellow," murmured Jenny. "He's his own best helper," smiled Skratch.

13. The Wabbit and the Animated Map

No-one knew exactly what happened but the pillars began to fade and they were back on the walkway over the chasm. Everyone pulled out weapons and looked around, but there was only a flickering of images. "What are these lettering things?" asked Lapinette. "They're the Types of Destiny," said the Stone. "Do you mean you get a choice?" asked Jenny. "Cats get many," answered Skratch. The Wabbit barely heard this interchange because he was calculating. "I'm going to call this the Pit of Relativism," he rasped and he clutched his Snazer close to his fur. "I can see a light there," said Lapinette, lowering her automatic. The Wabbit's head swivelled. "Not all light is good light," he murmured. The five steadily moved along the platform, stopping occasionally and looking about. "It's all artifice," said Pirate Jenny, "we're in the map." "The animated map," laughed Skratch the Cat. "So how do we get out of the map?" said Lapinette. "We hop to the edge," said the Wabbit. "The edge of darkness?" asked Skratch. "One thing I know about edges," said the Wabbit," is that something stops and another thing starts." Jenny racked the slide of her automatic. "I feel like starting something," she said. Lapinette gripped her Makarov and hopped from right to left and bared her teeth. "So do I," she breathed.

12. The Wabbit and the Original Stone

The ring dropped and air hissed. "Take cover!" shouted the Wabbit but it was too late. Rabbit Jenny neatly sidestepped and Skratch deftly flinched as the lid shot past his head. "I am the original Stone," said a Stone creature, "what took ye a' so long?" Jenny's look was a question for the Wabbit - and the Wabbit knew the answer. "We've been looking for you," he said solemnly. "We came a long way and used a lot of expensive stuff." The Stone hopped up and down with agitation. "I was in hiding!" Lapinette moved closer to inspect the stone. "Why the strange garb?" she asked. "I'm disguised," said the Stone. "They're after me." "We're here to take you to a place of safety," said Skratch suddenly. The Wabbit hadn't been expecting that, so he inclined his head towards Skratch. "I know how this plot works," shrugged Skratch. "Where will ye take me?" interrupted the Stone. The Wabbit had to think, because he had no idea. "We'll take you back to Turin," he said after deliberating for quite some while. Now the Stone thought for a long time. "What's the food like?" This time Jenny stepped in. "There are delicious Hershey's bars, wrapped in smoked salmon." "Oh aye?" asked the Stone. "And covered in mayonnaise," continued Jenny. "Oooh," said the Stone. "Then deep fried in batter," added the Wabbit. "When do we leave?" said the Stone.

11. The Wabbit, the Stone and the Ring

Rabbit Jenny was right. The void was an illusion and they found themselves in a marbled hall. Everything appeared clear. There was a carved stone - or was it a sarcophagus? "Is this it, Wabbit?" said Jenny, "is this what we seek?" The Wabbit shrugged. "Might be," he said. "Maybe we should open it then," said Lapinette and she tugged at the lid. "It looks heavy," said Skratch. He tried to shift it too but it wouldn't budge a millimeter. For a while they all stood and looked at it, as if it might move on its own. "What's this opening?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit glanced at it but when he looked into the hole, he felt suddenly compelled to search in his fur. Lapinette watched him closely. "What are you looking for?" "I'll know when I find it," sighed the Wabbit and he continued searching. "I found it," he said with glee and he took out a ring. Skratch's heart flipped and he looked at Jenny - but Jenny was watching the ring and saw it flash in the dim light. "Did you see that?" she asked. "See what?" said Skratch. "The ring flashed," said Jenny. Lapinette gestured to the stone. "Put it in the opening, Wabbit." The Wabbit leaned forward, dropped the ring through the small aperture and waited. Jenny's ears fluttered. "Did you hear that?" Lapinette held up a paw for silence and put her ear to the stone. "Let me oot!" cried a voice.

10. The Wabbit and the Void

The team materialised. They were on a platform that hung in mid air over a vast chasm and there was nowhere to go. The Wabbit rummaged in his fur and drew out his lucky rock. He shook his head - then gritting his teeth, he flung it over the side. Everyone waited for a sound, but none came. Rabbit Jenny strolled up and down the platform and looking over each edge, called loudly. No echo answered. "There's only one way to go," she decided and dangled a pirate boot in the void. "Aaahgh," yelled Skratch. Jenny frowned and looked at the Wabbit. "Remind me of what we're looking for?" "I don't know exactly," said the Wabbit. Jenny looked over the edge. "Well, I can't see it." One by one everyone started to laugh. "Shhh, listen," said Lapinette. Laughing died as they listened hard. A faint echo of laughter replied from empty space. "We have to jump," said Jenny. "It's the only way." "It might be a long way down," said the Wabbit. "I don't think there is a down," answered Jenny. "I think we're in that other map you mentioned." She hopped to the far end of the platform and turned. Then without looking she leaned into nothingness. "Wha' will fill a coward's grave?" she shouted .. and she jumped. Skratch jumped after her. Lapinette bounded from the edge of the platform. "I'm not keen on heights," muttered the Wabbit and he flipped backwards into the abyss.

9. The Wabbit and the Power of Maps

Leaving Wabsworth to go native with the locals and gather information, the team gathered in a likely spot. "I don't see anything," said Lapinette, "are you sure this is right?" "That," said the Wabbit, "was my information," and he rummaged frantically in his fur. Skratch the Cat pricked up his ears. "Did anyone hear that?" Captain Jenny blinked and her nose twitched "A rumbly sort of noise?" "A rumbly, slidy rasping?" added Lapinette. "Shhh .." said the Wabbit as he flourished his map. Skratch reached for it but when his paw touched the parchment, a surge of energy shook them both. "Static?" suggested the Wabbit and he narrowed his eyes. "Oh, let me see," said Lapinette and she gripped the map by a corner. "Ouch," shouted the Wabbit. Lapinette looked at her tingling paw, shook it and said something under her breath. Pirate Jenny thought for a minute. "Let's all touch it together." The Wabbit nodded. He unrolled the map and each grasped a corner and waited. Nothing happened. The Wabbit suddenly grinned and rolled up the map. "Use your hook, Jenny!" Jenny changed paws and her hook coiled round the parchment. "Grip it," said the Wabbit. The map began to vibrate. They all looked round as a door swivelled and a passageway opened in the pyramid.  "Hold the map!" shouted the Wabbit and they all grabbed for it. Then they shimmered and vanished - as with a violent rasping, the door swung shut.

8. Skratch and the Instant Proposal

As the Wabbit and Lapinette watched the preparations for the Sago Ceremony, Skratch the Cat took his opportunity. "Captain Jenny," he whispered, sinking to his knees. Jenny looked down with interest and Skratch began. "I adore you Captain," he said. "May I have your hook in marriage?" Jenny rocked back and forth in a pirate fashion. Then she leant forward and pursed her lips and muttered. "Where's my dowry?" "That really comes from your side," replied Skratch, who had been a Cat Burglar and knew what was what. "But I have some jewelry put by."  "Oh," said Jenny, and she smiled. "Who's going to marry us?" Skratch gestured towards the Wabbit's android double. "Wabsworth has a divinity sub-routine," he purred. Jenny chuckled. "Who's going to give me away then?" "The Wabbit of course, he's senior." Jenny let forth a kind of a giggle. "I see no ring!" Skratch felt beads of perspiration under his mask. "I'm certain the Wabbit has one in his fur." "Aha!" said Jenny. "I don't want a second-hand ring the Wabbit found in a market." Skratch was quick. "I'm sure there's a special ring somewhere on this island." Now Jenny grinned. "Perhaps we'll find one." Skratch brightened and Jenny drew close. "I really don't know, Skratch. But I tell you what I'll do." Skratch felt his legs go rubbery. "I'll think about it," said Jenny curtly, then paused. "What on earth that thudding?" "My beating heart," sighed Skratch.

7. The Wabbit and the First Encounter

The team traversed the island and from a vantage point, surveyed the scene. But as they looked down at an avenue of pillars, they saw figures emerge from between the blue pyramids. One larger than the rest looked up and called out. "Do you seek treasure?"  Jenny looked at Lapinette. "You're the anthropologist, it's your call." Lapinette thought carefully. "We seek no treasure, we seek what is rightfully ours." Creatures scurried around and held impromptu discussions. "What is it that is rightfully yours?" cried the leader. The Wabbit shook his head. "We're not rightfully sure, but we have a map which leads to another map." The leader laughed. "Throw away your map, we know where everything is." "In that case," said Lapinette, "we'll pop down and interview you about your customs." There was a brief interval while more discussions took place. The leader hailed them again. "Have you brought any sago?" Lapinette smiled, because for once the Wabbit had something useful in his fur. But Jenny broke in quickly. "Sago is a scarce commodity, but we might be able to assist you." The Wabbit gripped his hidden packet tightly. "Have you heard of antique sago?" he called. A cheer rose above the island and some creatures began to dance. "We will now prepare the altar," called the leader. "I don't like the sound of this," said Skratch the Cat.

6. The Wabbit lands on Wablantis

"It's just up here," said Lapinette, but the Wabbit knew from his map that this might be a long way from their goal. So he hopped forward with a stern look to give the impression he knew what he was doing. "I though it would be warmer," said Captain Jenny, clutching an arm to her chest. "This is my summer tunic." Lapinette smiled because she had seen the whole island from her helichopper. She thought the island's broad plains and rounded hills might get very hot indeed - so she had dragged a light battledress from her locker. The Wabbit spoke in a too-loud voice and glanced all around. "I find it rather strange that no-one's about." "We should be on our guard," Commander," said Jenny. "These quiet places with no sign of life hide awful secrets and conceal strange practices." Lapinette was intrigued. "What sort of thing?" "Devil worship," replied Jenny. "And ritual sacrifice," added the Wabbit. But Lapinette had studied anthropology in the field with the Bare’e-speaking Toradja. "In Central Sulawesi," she nodded, "it ensures fertility." Jenny snorted. "Aren't they the ones that drink their own ...?"  No," said Lapinette quickly, "that's the Sambians of New Guinea." "Well, did we bring any gifts for inhabitants?" asked Jenny. The Wabbit dug deep in his fur and found a packet of sago long past its sell-by date. "We'll be fine," he murmured.
[Background photograph: Mick Warne]

5. The Lost Island of Wablantis

Lapinette didn't need much. She saw a tiny patch of blue and her helichopper leapt into the sky like a grasshopper. She looked down to see the Lepus and the Unut break through the jungle inlet into an electric blue sea. Lapinette's rotors chopped through strange air as she wheeled across an other-worldly landscape. She pawed her radio into life. "Lapinette, Lynx 2 calling." Nothing. She switched to the short wave. "Lynx 2. Do you copy?" Now the radio whined. "Captain Jenny receiving. What can you see?" "Strange shores, Captain," muttered Lapinette. There was a break in transmission. "Have you eaten recently?" broke in Jenny. There was no reply and Jenny's voice became strict. "There are salad sandwiches in the glove compartment. Eat." Lapinette gripped a sandwich in her mouth and skittered the Lynx along the island. "Report," snapped Jenny. "Six blue pyramids of varying sizes," said Lapinette. "Sounds like Ancient Aliens," said Jenny, "so is there any life?" "No visible life," said Lapinette. "Then it's a rather normal kind of place," quipped Jenny, scanning the horizon. She made out a dot and she knew it was Lapinette.  "Can you see a suitable spot?" Lapinette swooped towards the coast. "One klick east of the Unut," said Lapinette. "I see a road and a landing strip." "Land on the Unut," said Jenny. Lapinette had a thought. "What happened to the Wabbit?" Another signal intruded. "I hear everything."

4. Lapinette and the Jungle Inlet

Lapinette crawled out of her bunk and looked over the side. The Unut's engines had faded to a low thrum and she knew something had changed. The ship was still moving but incredibly slowly - and dense forest was on all sides. Loudspeakers carried the angry voice of the Wabbit. "All paws on deck. I won't have these plants on my bridge." Lapinette had no sea legs whatsever and even at this speed, the Unut's slight heave made her stomach spin. Lapinette shook her head and gasped in the humid air. A grinding crash from the bow shuddered along Unut's hull and Lapinette could hear the Wabbit's voice again. "Slow ahead, nice and easy, she''ll go through." Lapinette gazed down at what looked like a swamp. She watched bubbles swim to the surface and the smell of rotting vegetation made her stomach cramp. Inside her jacket, a radio crackled. "Lapinette to the helichopper bay, on the double." Now Lapinette looked up. She squinted her eyes in the strange light and thought she could make out giant teeth. All of a sudden the helichopper bay seemed like a good place to be. "On my way," she muttered to herself, and dodging clingy tendrils, she ducked back to her cabin to grab necessary supplies. "I don't like ships," she groaned as she headed to the aft deck. "But call me in on a day of trouble and I'll deliver."

3. The Wabbit & the Whale's Undertow

Neither the Wabbit nor Rabbit Jenny could do the slightest thing about what happened next. Thoth the Whale expanded to giant proportions and the undertow from his wake trapped both Lepus and Unut in a vice-like grip. The Wabbit looked at his instruments and shrugged and gave up as the Unut was hauled across the ocean. On the Lepus, Jenny tried fighting with controls but to no effect. But somehow, Thoth glided on the ocean surface like a hydrofoil. The Unut's video link sparked out, so the Wabbit looked away and tested the ship-to-ship radio to see if it was working. There was a whoosh from the speaker as if the sea had got into the circuits, but Jenny’s voice cut through like crystal. "We have to run with the whale, Commander."  "I hope he really knows where he’s going," sighed the Wabbit. Jenny’s eyes narrowed. "The Goddess Unut sent him?" "She tends to interfere," said the Wabbit. There was an awful noise as the hull of the Lepus rumbled then groaned. "Will she hold?" asked the Wabbit. "She’ll hold," said Jenny, "she’s been through worse." "Brecan’s Cauldron?" asked the Wabbit with a shudder. The radio whooshed but it couldn’t cover the clarity of Jenny’s voice. "I love to sail forbidden seas, and land on barbarous coasts." Now silence fell, except for the roaring of water past hull. "What can Wablantis look like?" murmured the Wabbit. "Ignorance is the mother of fear," responded Jenny. "Who’s the father?" smirked the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit and Ocean Turbulence

It was the Wabbit’s watch and he was looking forward to a quiet one. Dusk settled across the ocean and he relaxed and glanced at monitors and yawned. But he kept an eye on the progress of the Lepus and to break the monotony, occasionally spoke to Captain Rabbit Jenny on ship’s video. He was looking over to the Lepus and smiling to himself when he noticed the previously calm waters were a little disturbed. So he called Rabbit Jenny - but just as her face swam into view, something leapt from the sea with an incredible splash and made a series of low booming sounds and clicks. Foam spurted as the creature’s tail threshed. "I see it, Commander," said Jenny. "You could hardly miss it," said the Wabbit. "Hang on. It’s communicating with my bridge crew," said Jenny. "Do they speak whale?" asked the Wabbit. Jenny raised a paw. "We can decode the sounds. I’ll patch you through a translation." The Wabbit listened intently. "I am the Sea God!" boomed the whale, "and I am thrice great." "That sounds very familiar," thought the Wabbit and he spoke to the monitor. "Jenny, his name is Thoth. Confirm he is thrice great, or we’ll be here all day." Threshing tortured the water and casually sprayed both ships. "I am to assist you find the Lost Island of Wablantis." The Wabbit addressed Thoth directly. "Thoth, do you know where we’re going?" A jet of water shot in the air and a piercing wail shook the vessels. "I am thrice sure!" The Wabbit looked at Jenny in the monitor and shook his head and winked - and Jenny winked back.

1. The Wabbit and the Improvised Map

On the tiny dock of a little-known port, the Wabbit and Rabbit Jenny met prior to departure. "Our task is formidable," said the Wabbit. "So are we," said Rabbit Jenny the Pirate Chief. The Wabbit grinned and glanced at the scroll under his paw. "This should be of help." "It looks like map," said Jenny. "I made it myself using hearsay and tittle-tattle," said the Wabbit. Jenny's eyebrows fluttered and her lips were questions. "No-one really knows where Wablantis is," continued the Wabbit. "The Ghost Island?" frowned Jenny. "Few have seen it and lived to tell." The Wabbit looked surprised. "What else do you know?" "Those who land and seek treasure there can never leave." The Wabbit's fur stood on end. "We're not looking for treasure precisely." Jenny gripped the Wabbit's paw and he felt it tingle. "What are we looking for?" she murmured. "Another map," said the Wabbit. Jenny knew what was coming and made a wry smile. "That map will indicate the position of another object." "How did you know?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm a pirate," said Jenny. "But even so I don't know what the object is." "Neither do I," shrugged the Wabbit. Jenny swayed backwards and forwards as a pirate chief should. "We'll know when we find it." She turned to look at her ship. "It may not be down on any map, Commander." The Wabbit nodded. "True things never are."

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

" ... that someone special was the Wabbit." Lapinette spoke softly and the Wabbit nodded gravely. "Our meeting had to be kept secret from our enemies, the Agents of Rabit." Rabbit Jenny took roses from her pockets and passed them around. "Type of adventure, Skratch?" she asked. "This was epic theatre," said Skratch immediately. "Speaking of yourself in the third person confronted our dominant specularity and made us think critically." Lapinette looked directly at Jenny. "What about the hanging washing? That was just a symbol wasn't it?" Jenny smiled and shook her head. "No, I don't take prisoners." "So expensive," commented the Wabbit. Lapinette frowned but she was too far away to kick his ankle. "How many of them were there?" asked Wabsworth. Jenny shrugged. "I really don't recall." A silence fell. "Their bones will bleach in the sun," quipped Skratch. Everyone laughed and Jenny turned to him. "I like you, I like you a lot." Skratch blushed. No-one knew, although his voice trembled slightly. "There's one part of the narrative that needs to be addressed." Jenny raised a considerable eyebrow and Skratch waved at her uniform. "The coins you had sewn into your tunic. What happened to them?" Jenny laughed. "I spent them," she said, "and now I need to find more." The Wabbit's 28 teeth gleamed. "That can be arranged." But Jenny's eyes were on Skratch. "Did I foreground the signifier, Skratch?" she asked. "You are the signifier," he gasped.

Pt 11: Jenny and the Last Washing

"That can't be the end of the story," said Skratch the Cat, "it's much too exciting." "Yes," said the Wabbit, "we want a coda." Pirate Jenny stared with amusement at her glass and gulped the contents down. "Indeed," she said, "there must be an end, so here's the tail." Lapinette smiled and applauded. Pirate Jenny waved an arm and spoke. "On the deck of the Lepus, Rabbit Jenny opened the third and last of her packages and took out a sack of coins. Then she shrugged off her blue tunic and told the Quartermaster to have the coins made into buttons to be stitched into her uniform. She hardly looked back as her ship slid away from the ratty coast, but she caught sight of the rows of washing she’d left as a warning - and watched as a breeze blew in and filled the garments." Pirate Jenny stopped and lifted her glass in a toast and so did everyone else. "The clothes should have billowed, but under Jenny's gaze they started to jerk and kick in a grim gallows jig. Her nose twitched as if she'd smelled something sour and she turned away from the coast. An ancient and grizzled mariner grasped her fur and asked where they were going. Jenny took his hand gently. A bolt of electricity shot up the mariner’s arm and prickled across his shoulders, but when it reached his heart it felt warm. She told him they would follow the Southern Cross and the mariner asked for the name of the port. Rabbit Jenny shook her head, smiled and pointed out to sea. “We have a secret rendezvous with someone special.”

Pt 10: Jenny - and Now or Later

Pirate Jenny’s audience was on tenterhooks as Jenny’s eyes hardened and she took another deep draught of rum. She looked around her audience but Wabsworth couldn’t restrain himself. "What happened next?" he breathed. "I will tell you," smiled Pirate Jenny – and she did. "Rabbit Jenny stood and looked at the harbour she had watched for so long. Behind her, voices grew louder and louder until she could hear every word. They were bringing the prisoners in, bringing them to her. And they wanted to know what to do with them. She heard one ask if they should kill them now or later and all the sailors took up the cry. “Now or later, now or later?” Their voices echoed through the shabby alleyways and the shattered buildings of that ratty town. Rabbit Jenny stared and stared until she realised they were asking the question of her. So she took the second package from her bag, unwrapped it and using the hook on her injured paw, extracted a blood-stained towel. Then she lifted it high above her head and waited - waited as only Jenny could. Everything became quiet - even the splashing of waves on the dock. The sailors watched Jenny’s paw and it was unnaturally still for what seemed like an age. Then way up in the air a seagull screeched. With a sudden movement Jenny brought the towel down and breathed  ... “Right now.”

Pt 9: Jenny makes a Departure

Jenny the Pirate Chief paused for enough time to pour another glass and just for a second she watched her rum swirl. Lapinette reached out to touch Jenny’s paw and her eyes urged Jenny to continue. Jenny's eyes gleamed in response as she put down her glass and went on. "The massive cannon of the ghostly ship overshadowed the harbour and it could easily be seen from Rabbit Jenny’s attic window. But Jenny was no longer there. As she headed down the hotel stairs, she took out the first of the objects from her bag – an object that she quickly unwrapped."  Pirate Jenny stopped talking suddenly and she too pulled out something from one of her many pockets and waved it at her audience before continuing. "A guest stepped forward to bar Jenny’s path but it was his last conscious act. A pistol fired and the muzzle flash lit his cruel face in the dim hotel lobby. “Who are you?” muttered the guest in a last dying gasp before his knees buckled and he sank silently onto the shabby carpet.  Jenny kicked his body aside. She shoved the automatic deep into her fur and glancing in a cracked hotel mirror, she straightened her hat. Then she hopped through the door and onto the hapless streets of the ratty little town where four hundred sailors swarmed in every shadowy lane. They were rounding people up and taking them away, but they stiffened to attention and saluted as Rabbit Jenny moved seamlessly through their ranks, heading directly for the harbour ..."

Pt.8: Jenny and the Seige

Pirate Jenny wore an intense expression, so wrapped in her story that her glass of grog remained untouched. Her eyes narrowed and it seemed to everyone listening that they were really there with her in that awful shabby hotel. Jenny suddenly lifted her glass, drained the contents and spoke. "Even though the shape seemed far out to sea, Rabbit Jenny recognised a ghostly ship and could make out frantic activity on the deck. She grasped her hat firmly, straightened her red rose and braced herself. Suddenly the harbour lit up as the ship wheeled to port and cannon fire burst from her bow. The town shook and plaster fell from all the walls of the hotel."  Pirate Jenny stopped and waved her hook, pretending to pick plaster from her ears. Now her voice grew menacing. The hateful guests cowered in their rooms and prayed for deliverance but Jenny casually turned from the window. Bending slightly, she levered a loose floorboard with her hook and took out three wrapped objects, which she placed in a small bag." Pirate Jenny paused because it looked like Wabsworth was going to ask about the objects, but he merely nodded, so she nodded back and carried on. "Rabbit Jenny returned to the window. Seeing that the ship had closed on the town she turned to light a lamp behind her - so that her silhouette could watch. The massive cannon on the bow of the ghostly ship swung right and left, up and down, blasting the coast until every building was flat. Except that is ...  for one ratty little hotel.  

Pt 7: Jenny when The Ship Came In

The Wabbit and Lapinette watched Jenny the Pirate as she stood akimbo and swayed her body back just like a pirate should. Everyone was desperate to hear the next bit of story, but they stayed very quiet until Captain Jenny began again. Rabbit Jenny watched the harbour from an attic window in the ratty old hotel, but she did watch. Never a night passed when she didn’t. Her eyes grew tired and her limbs grew weary but she wouldn’t give up. Night after night she watched while the hotel guests slumbered. Long after the dubious deeds were done and the dock became deserted, she continued her vigil and she missed nothing." Pirate Jenny stopped, took another swig of rum then frowned at her empty glass. The Wabbit hopped forward and quickly refilled it while Pirate Jenny continued. "Her task seemed unending. But one night when the moon crept behind the shadows, a shape appeared on the distant horizon and came quietly closer. Rabbit Jenny looked far out to sea and when she saw it, her heart slammed three times under her fur." Jenny slammed her glass three times on the table and when everyone jumped, she smiled. "She went swiftly to a small cupboard, took out a special hat and put it on her head. Then she slid open a drawer and from a recess at the back extracted a flower made from red cloth. Carefully pinning the flower to her hat, she turned to watch as the shape cut through the limpid waters like a knife. It made no sound whatsoever and Rabbit Jenny kept watching. But she got ready to move."

Pt 6: Rabbit Jenny & the Medical Tray

Jenny, the Pirate Chief, took another sip of rum. She closed her eyes for a second and when they opened they seemed to flash. They looked like diamonds catching the light and they clearly said, "No interruptions." Her brow furrowed and her lips pursed as she went on. "In her meagre quarters in the ratty hotel, Rabbit Jenny cleaned her wound and applied bandages. Although spikes of pain shot through her paw, she did not feel hurt exactly. Hurt was something Rabbit Jenny would not allow and she refused to show anything resembling distress. Yet deep inside, some anguish spasmed that was quite unlike the injury to her paw - because it couldn’t be bandaged. Jenny lifted the hook that she’d found in a drawer and gripped it firmly in her injured paw so that she could pick things up. She tried it a few times until she became practiced, then she washed the bloodstained towels and hung them out to dry. And just like before, Jenny ironed each one and folded it neatly. But bloodstains are hard to remove and even though Jenny laundered the towels well, each one bore signs of Jenny’s pain. She gave each towel a name that was impossible to forget and returned to pursue her nocturnal vigil. Rabbit Jenny wasn’t going to give up, but she became wilier. Every night after that she was careful to look behind her. But she also looked up at the moon and silently chanted the list of names."

Pt 5: Jenny and the Watched Window

 

Jenny the Pirate Chief paused in her story and asked for grog. So Lapinette twitched an ear slightly and a waiter instantly appeared with a new bottle of Seven Fathoms rum and 5 fresh glasses. Jenny poured herself a healthy libation, drank it back in one gulp and set the glass down on the table with a crash. Then she began once more. "One night, Rabbit Jenny stared and stared out of the hotel window. Usually, the guests were too drunk to see her and even if they did, they were incapable of movement. But something woke them from their torpor and they noticed her staring there and started to talk. They whispered to each other, “what’s she got to stare at?” and pointed at Jenny and made circular motions with their fingers as if she was mad. Jenny was absorbed in watching the dank harbour so she never saw the guest advance. With one finger on his lips he crept up on Jenny and with a sudden swipe and enormous force, he smashed the window down on her paw."  Lapinette and the Wabbit flinched back but Pirate Jenny held her head high. "If the guest expected her to cry in pain, then he was sadly mistaken because she made no sound. But Rabbit Jenny turned and her eyes burned into those of her tormentor until he shielded his face and turned away. With blood running from her paw, she hopped past the guests and into her quarters ..."

Pt 4: Jenny and the Laundry List

Jenny looked around to see if she had complete attention then tilted her pirate hat forward at a jaunty angle and looked at her audience. The friends leaned forward on their seats with eager faces and waited for her to explain how Rabbit Jenny remembered everything she saw in the night. Jenny the Pirate began again.  "Late at night, when Jenny was going to sleep, she curled up and tried to recall everything she had witnessed in the docks. Then one by one she attached each event to a piece of washing." Pirate Jenny stopped and smiled grimly. "Jenny knew all about washing. Every morning at the crack of dawn she was forced to launder all the soiled clothes of the cruel hotel guests. There was so much to do that her paws were raw-red by the time she served breakfast. But at bed time reverie, her mind floated and laundered what she’d seen on the docks. She first gave the laundry very special names for all the dubious exchanges she had witnessed. Then she designated a garment for each of the people involved - and if she didn’t know who they were, she invented a name them. As she imagined folding clothes and putting them away, she allocated to each of these people a fitting punishment. In the eye of her imagination she could see layers of garments - ironed, folded and named - rising to the top of a basket. Then as the stack of freshly laundered washing became ever higher, she willed the basket to suddenly fall. It was only then - at the precise moment when garments spilled onto ground - that Rabbit Jenny smiled and drifted into sleep...”

Pt 3: Jenny and the Shadowy Harbour

Now the group was enthralled and Pirate Jenny’s voice quietened as she went on telling her story. "Every night at a late hour," said Jenny, "things became quiet in the ratty hotel. That was when the big time gamblers and their floozies slumped helplessly drunk in massive armchairs." Lapinette wrinkled her nose in disgust but Jenny was warming to her narrative and now she smiled an affectionate smile. "It was at that hour, in the deep dead of night, when Rabbit Jenny hopped to the window and watched the harbour to see the boats crawl in. She saw figures creeping out of the shadows and her ears pricked up as she heard them talking. All across the dock the air hung heavy like blunted daggers ..."  Jenny paused as her audience shrank back and her voice grew bold as she continued her tale. "Rabbit Jenny tried to make out the sound of hollow voices and she closely watched the men glance over their shoulders as they exchanged notes for cargo.  It wasn’t easy to see what everything was and Jenny knew she had to remember every single exchange that took place. But there were so many." The audience murmured with interest, but Wabsworth couldn’t contain himself. "How did she remember everything?" he asked. "Did she take notes?" Everyone shushed Wabsworth to be quiet but Jenny smiled nicely at him. "It was too dangerous to take notes," she said softly. “But Rabbit Jenny devised her own way of remembering ..."

Pt 2: Jenny & the Reprobate's Retreat

"But who did stay in this awful place?" asked the Wabbit eagerly. Jenny made some sort of facial expression that wasn’t a frown as such - it was closer to disdain and she pursed her lips and carried on with her story. "In the scruffy town, overlooking the dank harbour lay a ratty hotel. Visitors hardly dared go there and few were brave enough to speak of it at all. The hotel hosted a number of creatures – all men without visible means of support. They seemed to have nothing to do except lay about and drink and shout and laugh and swear like troopers"  Lapinette made a grimace and Jenny matched it as she continued. "But the butt of their jokes fell on a domestic, whose name was Rabbit Jenny." There was a gasp from Jenny's audience - even if they had some idea this was coming - and Jenny’s voice became angry. "All day long Rabbit Jenny scurried after the men, doing their bidding and fetching this and that. But the men tripped her up and pulled her fur and spilled her water. And if she even looked round they taunted her with cruel names and spat at her as she hurried past." Jenny stopped because the Wabbit looked furious and Skratch's claws had extended. Lapinette gazed at Jenny and said softly, "Do you want to stop?" Jenny shook her head. "Now I've started," she said, "and I always finish what I start ..."