Wednesday, December 31, 2014

12. The Wabbit and Panico's Vial

The Wabbit and Lapinette took Panico to an island in the river where no one would disturb them. The Wabbit wanted to secure Panico's vial and he gently persuaded Panico to let go. But as he grasped the vial, the cap flew off and the vial began to glow. The Wabbit couldn't help sniffing the faint puff of vapour which escaped. He felt a strange pleasantness and smiled calmly. "I don't know what all the fuss is about." Panico drew back in horror but Lapinette had seen this sort of thing before and knew the contents of the vial had gone straight to the Wabbit's ears. "What are you thinking?" she asked. The Wabbit considered. "I'm thinking of how much I know about everything." Lapinette's eyes were questions. "And what about time?" "There's seems to be an awful lot of it," shrugged the Wabbit. Lapinette silently agreed and waited patiently. Gradually the Wabbit shrank back to his normal size. "Phew," said the Wabbit. "I wouldn't like this to fall into the wrong ears." For the very first time, Lapinette saw Panico relax. "I thought your ears would grow until they poked a hole in the sky," he laughed. The Wabbit laughed too - but all the same he looked up and wondered. "Don't even think about it Wabbit," said Lapinette, "We have work to do." The Wabbit retrieved the cap and screwed the vial tightly shut. Then he tossed it back to Panico. "Aaagh!" shouted Panico. "You hang onto it," said the Wabbit. Panico was aghast. "What if the Agents of Rabit try to take it?" "Look 'em straight in the ears and drink the lot," grinned the Wabbit.

Monday, December 29, 2014

11. The Wabbit and the Double Agent

Hazy light filtered onto a curious scene. At the very moment that Terni the Dragon settled into the courtyard, the Coast Team arrived with a prisoner. The Wabbit was without surprise. "Oh, hello Spitlove, what's your information?" Wabsworth and Skratch concealed their puzzlement and relaxed to allow Major Spitlove to hop forward. "Agents are gathering not far from here. I have the coordinates." "Anything else?" smiled the Wabbit. "They're expecting the Big Kaboom," said Spitlove. "Good," said the Wabbit, and he turned to Terni and proffered his yellow vial with a grin. "I need a sample. I wouldn't normally ask." "This is hardly private," said Terni sternly. The Wabbit grinned again, "We'll all turn away" "What would you like then?" said Terni. "Dragon Pee Lite, Dragon Pee Medium or Dragon Pee MaxiSuper?" The Wabbit was silent. "MaxiSuper," said Terni swiftly, tucking the vial underneath his body. Everyone turned away. A hissing sound echoed round the pillars and a hot cloud of steam rose to the roof. Terni's voice held some amusement. "Please don't breathe the vapour," he roared. "There may be long term health risks." Everyone held their noses. "What shall I do now?" asked Spitlove. The Wabbit was emphatic. "Return to the Agents and advise them that Panico's vial has been lost but you know where it is." It was Major Spitlove's turn to grin. "Where?" he asked. "Make something up," said the Wabbit. "Make it convincing and report back."

Friday, December 26, 2014

10. The Wabbit and the Three Fates

The Wabbit looked at the yellow vial and started to think. He knew he would play a trick on the Agents of Rabit, but did not know its shape. Time stood still. In the Wabbit's mind, a stage appeared - and on it stood the Three Fates. The Wabbit knew one thing. He had better wait and listen. "Hush," they said in unison. "Passes the Wabbit this way forth?" "His thoughts are here," said Mitzy. "Then he is mostly present," said Tipsy. Fitzy nodded. "He would like to control the future." "Which is more properly our job," said Mitzy. "What is the Wabbit's job?" asked Fitzy. "To think of tricks to fool his enemies," answered Tipsy. Mitzy snorted. "That's also our job." "What did you put in the yellow vial?" asked Fitzy. Tipsy giggled. "Dragon Pee." Now they all laughed together and chanted three times one after the other. "That will do the trick!" The Wabbit listened and tried hard to hold onto the image in his mind. But his brain creaked like a rusty hinge. "Did you hear that noise?" asked Mitzy. "I fear we are discovered," said Tipsy, "so let's depart the stage." "Left or right?" said Fitzy. Tipsy looked up. "I hear the beating of dragon wings!" Mitzy smiled. "Then let us exit left and watch what happens." The scene faded and the Fates were gone. The Wabbit blinked and then looked skywards because the beating of dragon wings was still there and getting louder. "Terni!" yelled the Wabbit. "I need you for something ..."

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

9. The Wabbit, Panico and the Tower

The beating of dragon wings boomed across the city and Panico looked up in horror. "Aaaaagh! A dragon. I'll be burned to a crisp and my ashes will be sucked into a street cleaner." Terni the Food Dragon plunged from the sky and circled gently above the old medieval tower. The Wabbit smiled because he had engineered this meeting. "I bring you news, Panico," called Terni. "The Agents of Rabit know of your blue vial and they would do anything to get it." "What  blue vial?" asked Panico. Terni circumnavigated Torre Argentina twice, then hovered above Panico. "The one you're hiding in your fist." The Wabbit fixed his eyes on Panico and waited. "No-one must have it!" shouted Panico. "You have it," observed Lapinette. Panico's eyes swirled. "I don't have it. I hold it only." The Wabbit knew of the Agents' voracious desire for power. "If the Agents want the vial, they have good reason." Panico trembled and the vial slipped further from his fist. "If they get the vial, they can destroy us all." The Wabbit thought until Tipsy broke the silence. "The Agents are here!" "Pretend you don't see them," suggested the Wabbit. Tipsy pushed her automatic down the front of her dress and effected a valium smile. A strange look came across the Wabbit's face - a look that Lapinette knew well. "I have an idea." Lapinette furrowed her brow. "Do you have a spare vial in your fur by any chance?" The Wabbit smirked." "I do, but it's yellow. I was taking it to the health laboratory." He fished in his fur for the vial and looked at the date. "October 2005 ... "

Monday, December 22, 2014

8. Skratch and the Accidental Capture

Jenny joined the Coast Team just as dawn broke. Things were getting lively. An Agent who had become detached from his main unit spotted them and they had little option but to capture him. "The Wabbit said no rough stuff!" shouted Wabsworth as Skratch waved the business end of his Snazer gun. "Name, rank and number!" he yelled. The Agent scowled. "Spitlove, 666, Recluta." "I don't believe you," said Skratch and he nodded to Jenny. "I have ways of getting the truth," smiled Jenny and she advanced menacingly. Gently she placed her automatic on the ground and with the tip of her hook she tickled him gently under an armpit. "Oh no, hee hee, aaaaagh!" screamed the Agent. Then he laughed uncontrollably until small pieces of masonry fell from the pillars. Wabsworth nodded assent so Jenny tickled him under the other armpit. "We don't have numbers!" shouted the Agent. Jenny stopped tickling and waited. "You fiends!" screamed the Agent. Jenny waved her hook. "What's your real name?" The Agent growled a deep growl. "That is my real name. Major Spitlove." Wabsworth started to giggle. ""I'll report you!" said Spitlove. Wabsworth rummaged in his coat and drew out a book of forms. "Sign here, here, here and here and also down here," Skratch pushed his Snazer at Spitlove's chest. "Why are you here?" "I've been captured," said Spitlove. "Don't you get all smarty pants with me," said Skratch, "you're not the Wabbit!" "Where is the Wabbit?" asked Spitlove slyly. Skratch pricked up his ears as a deep boom sounded in the distance. "That's for us to know now - and you to find out later."
[Recluta : Private, newly admitted]

Friday, December 19, 2014

7. The Wabbit in the streets of Rome

The team hurtled into Rome with Panico crammed behind the cab of the truck. Lapinette drove fast because she felt that way it would look like a Christmas float - and she swerved into Via dei Corridori with tyres screeching. In order to reassure Panico, they had wedged him in with rough bits of wood they found on the beach. Panico was hardly impressed with this safety arrangement and en route from Fregene, he reminded them at every signpost he saw. "Beware blind junction!" he had yelled. "Dangerous curve ahead!" Lapinette wound up her window and turned on the radio but REM blasted the cab with "End of the world as we know it". Lapinette wound the window down. "I prefer Panico," she muttered. "Police, police! We'll be arrested," shouted Panico. Lapinette stuck her head out. "They're only having coffee, Panico!" "I think it's just the Finance Police," offered the Wabbit. There was a noisy fumbling from the back of the cab. "I didn't keep my receipts," yelled Panico. "I'll be al fresco for years." For a while calm prevailed and all that could be heard was the hissing of wheels on wet cobbled streets. "Are we going to the Department?" asked Fitzy. "That's what the Agents of Rabit want," said the Wabbit. "I choose to disappoint them with a distraction." The truck rattled through dim neighbourhoods. "Commander Wabbit?" asked Tipsy. The Wabbit nodded. "I noticed Panico holding something in his fist." "This," grinned the Wabbit, "gets better and better."
[al fresco: in Italy this means "in prison," The closest approximation might be "in the chiller".

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

6. The Wabbit and Panico's Challenge

The team drew Panico to a quiet spot where the Wabbit aimed to sooth him, but he quickly changed his plan. "This structure is unstable!" yelled Panico. "It will collapse and bury me in the sand!" At that moment a piece of wood fell from a post and smashed at Panico's feet. The Wabbit looked at Tipsy and shrugged. So Tipsy hopped forward with an enormous smile and looked up. "I really really like you, Panico," she whispered. "Do you want to take me out for dinner?" Panico lurched backwards. "Aaaagh!" he yelled. "What will happen? It will be an awful disaster!" "Why?" asked Tipsy softly. "Food poisoning!" shouted Panico. Tipsy sighed and searched in her frock. She drew out the automatic she'd found in the Wabbit's Secret Boutique, held it up and waved it. "Help me try my new gun." "No, that looks very dangerous," screamed Panico. The Wabbit winked at Tipsy but somehow held Panico's gaze. "I'm going to try it," said Tipsy and she suddenly fired in the air. The bullet ricocheted a zig-zag path along the fence, narrowly missing Panico and Rabbit Jenny who had just arrived. Then it buried itself quietly in the sand with an apologetic plop. The Wabbit grinned broadly. "You see, Panico, we're all still here." Panico's pupils dilated and his hand trembled violently. "We're lucky we weren't killed" he said. "Oh, that was only chance," said the Wabbit. "Luck is what we have left over ... "

Monday, December 15, 2014

5.The Wabbit and Unexpected Trouble

The Wabbit's radio crackled and he found a quiet spot. "Receiving you, Skratch," "Break break, Pan pan," said Skratch's voice. "Roger. Priority traffic." said the Wabbit. He changed to analog short wave and switched on a reverse speech encrypter.  The radio hissed back into life. "Bandits have we," said Skratch. "Rabit of Agents by over taken Rome DWA reports Dragon the Terni." The Wabbit's head span and he switched off the encrypter with a sigh. "What did Terni see?" "Hundreds of Agents surround Rome Department of Wabbit Affairs," said Skratch. "The place is locked down. No-one gets in or out." The Wabbit thought for quite a while. "Hello?" crackled Skratch. "Wait two," said the Wabbit. Two minutes elapsed, then Skratch heard the Wabbit's voice issuing a series of instructions. "Terni will continue surveillance. Wabsworth, bring the rest of our Turin crew here on the double. Skratch. take the coast team and approach covertly. Do not engage." "What if they see us?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit stopped and thought. "Who? The Department?" "No, the Agents," said Skratch. The Wabbit's voice was terse. "Rome Department doesn't know we're on its patch. I didn't clear it." Skratch allowed himself a laugh. "Wabbit, I don't think they'll care." "Well, keep out the way anyway," sighed the Wabbit, "change your T-shirt and wear your mask back to front." "What about your end?" asked Skratch. "Did you find the creature?" "He found us," said the Wabbit.
[Break break and/or Pan pan: clear airwaves, priority transmission]

Friday, December 12, 2014

4. The Wabbit and Panico's Dread

Farther down the coast, the Wabbit, Lapinette and her special guard followed faint moaning sounds. "This could be him," said the Wabbit. He swung open the door of the truck and jumped out to peer into the distance. Lapinette's ears quivered. "He's coming this way." "I have visual," said Tipsy. The creature's moans whipped grains of sand into a storm. As his cries continued they grew louder and transformed into alarm then terror. The Wabbit and his team looked in amazement. "Storm coming," screamed the creature, "I'll be swept out to sea and drowned!" The Wabbit noticed lightning flashes as clouds scuttled crazily across the horizon and a strong wind ruffled his ears. The Wabbit had tuned in to the weather forecast, which clearly specified calm seas, clear skies and no precipitation. So he knew he'd found his target. He inclined slightly towards the creature and nodded as he drew closer. "You intend to eliminate me!" shouted the creature. The Wabbit shook his head but the creature's panic only grew. "Then we'll all be slaughtered." The Wabbit looked questioningly in what he felt was a reassuring manner, but the creature shrank back and his voice was ragged with fear. "They're out to get me!" "Who?" asked the Wabbit. "Now they'll come to get you too!" shrieked the creature. The Wabbit smiled. "After a while, you get used to it."

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

3. The Wabbit's team at the Coast

Wabsworth, Skratch the Cat and Puma waited as instructed. "Why are we here?" growled Puma. He fretted impatiently and pawed sand. A flutter of wings announced the arrival of Terni the Food Dragon and they looked up as he wheeled watchfully over deserted beach huts. "The Wabbit said to wait and keep our eyes peeled!" hissed Skratch sharply. But his neck had cricked and he hunched awkwardly. Wabsworth found his automatic was getting heavy and scowled as he shoved it in his fur. "They're taking their time," he grumbled. "So what's in the beach hut?" chirped Puma. "Supplies?" shrugged Wabsworth. "Well I'm bored," purred Puma, "shall we have a look?" "Better not," said Skratch and he thought for a minute. "I know," he murmured. "We'll play a game. I spy with my little eye .." "Something beginning with B," suggested Wabsworth. "Beach hut!" roared Puma. They all became contemplative but Puma broke the silence. "Wabbit supplies in my mind's eye, so what's in the hut?" "Something beginning with A?" offered Wabsworth. "Astrolite G?" suggested Skratch, "the Wabbit did say something about it." "It's usually safe enough," said Puma. "Under what circumstances?" asked Skratch. "Correct storage," said Puma, "such as a beach hut," "Let's relax then," said Skratch with a miaow. "What sounds can you hear?" "I can hear the gentle waves," said Wabsworth. Skratch pricked up his ears. "I can hear a truck."

Monday, December 08, 2014

2. The Wabbit and the Secret Boutique

In the dead of night, the Wabbit, Lapinette and her personal guard slipped unseen into Rome. Following a robust breakfast, there was urgent shopping to do. Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy decided they wanted disguises - and after they appropriated overalls from a motor dealer in Via Gregorio VII they fashioned them most fashionably. But the Wabbit insisted they visit his Secret Boutique. This lay in the basement of a concrete canyon of a shopping centre and here, the Wabbit had an arrangement to store large quantities of useful equipment. This was completely unknown to the Department of Wabbit Affairs and quietly paid through his Dinosaur Fund. Tipsy had already discovered an automatic of unknown origin and much to the delight of the Wabbit, was trying it for size. "Whatever happens this year," said the Wabbit, "we won't go short on supplies." Lapinette looked shrewdly at the Wabbit. "Please tell me there's no Astrolite G stored here." The Wabbit shook his head. "I have some out on the coast. Do you want any?" Lapinette shook her head. "I'm not planning on leaving earth's orbit this week." Fitzy , Mitzy and Tipsy poked around in every corner. "Commander. Where is this jolly dangerous creature you spoke of?" asked Mitzy, "I'm ready for anything." "He's on the Eve of Destruction," giggled Tipsy. "That's why we're here," advised the Wabbit. "He always is."

Friday, December 05, 2014

1. The Wabbit, Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy

The Wabbit had to meet Lapinette's personal guard and he was a little nervous. Although he had chosen them for the job, Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy were loyal to Lapinette - so in terms of rank, things were fuzzy. He approached with caution and waved a paw in greeting. "Oh it's you," said Mitzy, "I suppose you're in charge." The Wabbit grinned. "I suppose I am." Fitzy waved. "I hope you've got something interesting for us!" "Interesting and risky," replied the Wabbit. "Commander Sschr," said Tipsy and she fired a single round from an automatic. The bullet ricocheted twice, darted between the Wabbit's ears and ended its journey by breaking a window. "Tipsy!" said the Wabbit. "You haven't changed a bit." Fitzy was impatient. "What about your Museum of Enemies?" The Wabbit nodded. "It successfully flushed out our arch enemies, the Agents of Rabit." "Golly Gosh," said Fitzy. "Now we'll make them hand in their lunch vouchers." "Ground them for good," said Mitzy. "Ushe 'em as target practice," said Tipsy. Both Fitzy and Mitzy hopped forward to forcibly prevent Tipsy from taking pot shots at anything interesting. "We're going to Rome," said the Wabbit. "Because a creature is causing trouble." "What kind of trouble?" snarled Fitzy. The Wabbit's mouth tightened. "It attracts destruction." Tipsy's laugh echoed round the building. "And now it attracted us."

Wednesday, December 03, 2014

The Wabbit and the Safe House

Lapinette felt the touch of the Wabbit's paw and suddenly the Dumpsters and the street were gone. "Where are we?" she breathed. "A Safe House," said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked round. She could hear vague kitchen noises and smelled food. "Was that all a dream?" The Wabbit shook his head. "Not at all. The whole thing is very real." "All these enemies?" asked Lapinette. "It was hard to arrange," said the Wabbit." "But hardly impossible it seems," smiled Lapinette. She curled a paw round the Wabbit's because she knew he was mid-project she and wanted to be supportive. "Can you level with me now?" The Wabbit nodded in a serious manner. "I needed the Agents of Rabit in the open and their attention where I wanted it." Lapinette's eyes narrowed and the Wabbit continued. "The Agents are planning something extremely big." "So the Museum of Enemies was a distraction?" asked Lapinette. Kitchen sounds became louder and they both felt very hungry. "The Museum will open in the New Year as planned," smiled the Wabbit gently. "In the interim, I'm moving the team out." Lapinette felt a sense of excitement. "What do we need?" The Wabbit squeezed Lapinette's paw. "Is your special guard available?" Now Lapinette's smile broke into a broad grin. "Fitzy and Mitzy are, but I don't know about Tipsy." The Wabbit felt things were proceeding well. "Tell them to take the truck." Lapinette asked the question but she already knew the answer. "Take it where?" "Rome," said the Wabbit.

Monday, December 01, 2014

12. The Wabbit and Dublin Dumpsters

The Wabbit instructed his enemy allies to fall back and then they waited. It wasn't long before they felt turbulence from above. With banshee wails, airborne dumpsters fell like rain and set about the Roman Dumpsters with vigour. Lapinette couldn't resist a wave and she turned to the Wabbit. "Why are there two colours?" The Wabbit grinned. "The Dublin Dumpsters have two units. One will take care of unruly elements and the other will clean up all this trash afterwards." Wabsworth nodded agreeably. "Most effective. But what about them?" The Wabbit glanced up to the rooftops. Agents quickly ducked out of sight and the Wabbit scowled. "They're too early. They'll have to wait their turn." The team watched as one by one the Agents of Rabit left the rooftops. "Do you think they're going home?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded his head. "Maybe." "Perhaps they came to be in your Museum of Enemies," said Wabsworth. "I doubt that," said the Wabbit. "They'd like to put us in their Museum." Lapinette shuddered to think how that might be and her nose wrinkled. "Agents are most annoyingly persistent enemies." The Wabbit's smile was lopsided. "This whole affair is confusing them." Wabsworth was worrying about something. "What are we going to do with them?" "Nothing," said the Wabbit. "We won't disturb them if they're going home." "And if they stay?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit's teeth sparkled. "Offer them interesting bait."

Friday, November 28, 2014

11. The Wabbit and the Deadly Deadlock

The pursuit took the Wabbit's team of enemy allies through the city - but without warning there was deadlock as they came face to face with a phalanx of Dumpsters. A mountain of trash blocked any manoeuvre and the Wabbit scowled and stamped his foot. "I should have expected the unexpected," he muttered. He watched his allies menacing the Dumpsters and it looked like stalemate. "When in doubt, call a pow-wow," suggested Lapinette. So he called a pow-wow to order. "Do you wish to approve the minutes of the last pow-wow?" asked Wabsworth. "Move next business," sighed the Wabbit. Lapinette was staring at reflections in Wabsworth glasses. "I'd like to start with Any Other Business." The Wabbit also squinted in Wabsworth's glasses. He could see shapes way up on the rooftops and he knew what they were. All of his 28 teeth flashed grimly and his voice was steel. "The business of uninvited guests?" He fished in his fur for his walkie talkie and did something he didn't want to do. Talk to the Department. He spoke rapidly, issuing instructions. "Now patch me through!" he snapped. The pause was interminable. Finally a distant voice crackled back and the Wabbit spoke. "I'm calling in a favour." Lapinette and Wabsworth leaned close. "Never a bother," said the voice, "that's grand." The Wabbit shut off the radio, looked round at his allies and waved for them to continue. Lapinette's smile was a question. "Dublin?"

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

10. The Wabbit's March of the Enemies

The Wabbit and his enemy allies marched through the outskirts of Turin. Lapinette and Wabsworth looked right and left, while MacDrabs pried in every corner. Beady-eyed Euls were everywhere, looking in places no-one had ever considered. The Ice Mice appointed themselves guards and took up the flanks. But Gnamskulls held centre stage - ready to pounce into any Dumpster they found. "Come on!" shouted the Wabbit and he waved a paw forward. But he muttered softly to Lapinette. "I don't see any Roman Dumpsters now." Lapinette merely blinked. "Perhaps they know we're coming." The Wabbit thought for a moment. "They're tough but they're not swift." "Then how did they get here at all?" asked Wabsworth. It was Lapinette's turn to think. "Wabbit. Did you make any environmental arrangements for your Museum of Enemies?" "Of course," said the Wabbit. "I got a very reasonable company indeed." "Located where?" asked Lapinette. "Em, Rome," confessed the Wabbit. Lapinette raised an eye. "The Cerotto Recycling Company in Malagrotta," sighed the Wabbit. Wabsworth shook his head sadly. "The Malagrotta operation was reconfigured last year." Lapinette scowled. "Wabbit, it was in Il Sole 24 ore!" The Wabbit cringed - but a sudden cry from an Ice Mouse scout let him off the hook. "Dumpsters located near Corso Svizzera." "That's close enough," said the Wabbit, clenching a paw. "Move out!"
[cerotto. Italian: band-aid, sticking plaster]

Monday, November 24, 2014

9. The Wabbit at the Edge of Town

It was an isolated spot and a light breeze ruffled the Wabbit's fur. "I brought them," said Marshall Duetta Spyder, "just as you requested." The Wabbit looked critically at the assembled enemies. "Why did you come here?" he yelled. "To be in your museum," said a Yellow Gnamskull. The Wabbit smiled secretly to himself and glanced back at Duetta. "What is the agreed union per diem for enemy appearances?" "€125.50 plus duly authenticated expenses," answered Duetta. "Let's round that up," said the Wabbit. "€126." The Wabbit's enemies hadn't expected to be paid so they all stared at Wabsworth until he made an official note. Two MacDrabs were so delighted they ran to each other and hugged and danced. "Attention please!" called the Wabbit. "Unofficial enemies are threatening our mutual hostility." "Get them!" shouted some enemies at the back. "What are their names?" shouted another. "They're called Dumpsters," said the Wabbit. "They are both formidable and messy." "What is their weak point?" buzzed the Wasps. "Indiscriminate appetite," replied Lapinette. The Wasps snickered. Then they pushed their heads together in a planning buzz and sang. "We're gonna chase these crazy Dumpsters out of town." "Gnamskulls," called the Wabbit. "You are in the best position to raid the Dumpsters." The Gnamskulls preeened. "So you're going Dumpster Diving," shouted the Wabbit. "Accursed be their lids," yelled the Gnamskulls. "You're on bonus," said Wabsworth.

Friday, November 21, 2014

8. The Wabbit and the Tricky Snack

The Wabbit shouted "Run!" so they ran as fast they could with an angry Dumpster at their tails. The Wabbit dodged through courtyards and back streets and Lapinette and Wabsworth followed him without question. But the Dumpster stuck to them like melted toffee. "Where are you going?" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit panted a few times. "Somewhere it won't follow." Wabsworth was slightly quicker than everyone else and he had time to glance around. "There's a tram stop round the corner." "What route?" asked the Wabbit. "Number 3," shouted Wabsworth. But the Wabbit was headed somewhere specific and he made a sign to Wabsworth. Up ahead they could see an abandoned burned-out truck and the Wabbit was making directly for it. The Dumpster was so enraged he could only make ghastly gulping noises. But his teeth snapped close to the Wabbit's fur. This annoyed the Wabbit and he shouted. "You're nothing but a superannuated sausage!" The Dumpster slowed and the Wabbit turned. "What do you think of my truck?" Now the Dumpster stopped dead and gazed at the wreck. "This?" he sneered. "I'm fond of my Bonnie," said the Wabbit. "I'm having her fixed up." The Dumpster leaned over and ate some fused electrics. "Not any more," he said. "Kiss goodbye to your vehicle." As the Dumpster snacked, the team crept away. Soon a tram was carrying them to the very edge of the city ...

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

7. The Wabbit and the Reverse Recyclers

Having evaded the Roman Dumpsters, the team made their way to a caffè. But there were more Dumpsters - they seemed to be on every corner. "Any ideas, Wabsworth?" asked the Wabbit. Wabsworth scowled. "They don't seem very interested in us. They just dump trash." The Wabbit glanced around and studied them. "They're full of unsorted garbage." Lapinette thought long and hard and her eyes looked puzzled. The Wabbit squinted and Lapinette sighed. "Rome is strict about recycling. You can get a fine." "A fine for not recycling?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette shook her head. "For putting the wrong trash in the wrong bin." "Then let's hop on over and fine the Dumpsters," laughed the Wabbit. Wabsworth looked offended by the whole thing. "I think €100 is an appropriate sum for each item." For a moment the Wabbit saw his Museum of Enemies budget take a boost. "Two hundred is better." As the Wabbit scrutinised the Dumpsters, one of them appeared to look over so he chanced calling out. "Fined a total of €800!" Suddenly there was ghastly noise, a deafening combination of grinding and chattering. Small chunks of garbage flew around and landed on the sidewalk. "Who are you?" cried the largest Dumpster. "I'm the Wabbit," said the Wabbit. The Dumpster sneered. "Give us your rubbish!" "I haven't got any," shrugged the Wabbit. A howl of delight rose from the Dumpsters. "Then we'll take you instead ..."

Monday, November 17, 2014

6.The Wabbit and the Dumpster Drama

The Wabbit and Lapinette headed away from the rail yard, but there on the crossing was Wabsworth. He looked somewhat sombre so the Wabbit hailed him cheerily. "Hello Wabsworth, did you spot any Dumpster Devils with teeth?" Wabsworth stared unflinchingly at the Wabbit and nowhere else. "Yes," he said. The Wabbit waited. One of Wabsworth eyes moved imperceptibly - somewhere between a blink and a wink. "Please do exactly as I say, Commander." "Is this a game, Wabsworth?" said the Wabbit. Wabsworth nodded slightly. "I am going to hop back to the sidewalk. Follow me in a nonchalant fashion." The Wabbit looked confused. "Then what?" "We will hop round the corner at reasonable speed." "What speed exactly?" said the Wabbit. Wabsworth's eyes flickered towards Lapinette. "As if we all have somewhere definite to go." "Like as if we were going for aperitivi?" suggested Lapinette. "Exactly," murmured Wabsworth. Lapinette stood gently on one of the Wabbit's feet but the Wabbit still looked confused. "So are we going for aperitivi or not?" he smiled. "Just round the corner," smiled Wabsworth urgently, "But we must make haste." "Is the caffè going to close?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette gazed into Wabsworth's glasses and suddenly saw a reflection of the scene behind her. She dug the Wabbit in the ribs and dragged him forcibly and under protest by the fur. "Aperitivi this minute, that's an order!"

Friday, November 14, 2014

5. The Wabbit and a Talkative Dumpster

The Wabbit met with with Lapinette and together they went to the rail station to supervise materials for the Museum of Enemies. On the way, the Wabbit apprised Lapinette on developments. It was rather hot and as trucks passed in and out, they both drank several cans of Wabbit Cola. Lapinette looked at one of the many dumpsters. "They don't look dangerous." The Wabbit's 28 teeth chattered. "Marshall Duetta was adamant that dumpsters with teeth were all over the city." Lapinette shook her ears, steadied herself and threw her Cola can at the opening. Her aim was straight and the can disappeared. There was a clang and a gulp and something that sounded like a cough. "Correct aperture," said the Dumpster. "Your recycling efforts contribute to the safety of the planet. I can therefore wish you a nice day." Lapinette turned and glared at the Wabbit. "Is this something to do with your experiments?" "Nope," said the Wabbit. "I discontinued development of my automatic recyling can." From deep inside the dumpster, the hollow voice spoke. "Have you got any more?" Lapinette leaned forward and spoke into the container. "I'm afraid that's the last." "Oh," said the Dumpster, "they were nice. Do pass this way again." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and he shrugged. So she turned back. "Maybe you can help us. We're looking for rogue dumpsters with teeth." "Devils!" cried the Dumpster. "Devils from out of town." "From where?" asked the Wabbit. "Roman dumpsters," said the Dumpster. "Treasure and trash," scowled the Wabbit.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

4. The Wabbit and Secret Intelligence

Leaving the castle behind, Wabsworth and the Wabbit hopped quickly for a tram - where they found not one but two surprises. Number Nine Tram was no ordinary tram and Marshall Duetta Spyder no customary spider. "Commander, I must speak with you." Duetta Spyder made a squiggly sign with one leg. "I wasn't expecting you and your android friend," said Nine the Tram, "do you need to visit the Late Tunnel, Wabbit?" The Wabbit grinned. "Maybe a little later, Nine." Duetta's silky voice cut sharply in. "This is most urgent, Commander." The Wabbit waved a squiggly wave with one paw. "Go ahead, Duetta." Duetta's legs rustled. "It's about enemies." Now it was Wabsworth's turn to make a squiggly wave. "The Wabbit's Museum of Enemies isn't open yet." "What museum?" asked Duetta. The Wabbit was beginning to regret his funding application. "A Museum of all my old enemies has been given the go-ahead." "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Commander," said Duetta. "But this is a completely new and original enemy." "I've no room," said the Wabbit. "They won't wait," replied Duetta. Wabsworth shrugged like the Wabbit. "OK, what are they like?" "It's hard to tell," said Duetta, "but they're dressed as trash dumpsters." "I've seen them," said Nine. "One disrupted my points on Corsa Svizzera. We were stuck for hours." "They're all over the city!" scowled Duetta. The Wabbit puzzled for a bit. "How do we recognise them from ordinary dumpsters?" "They have teeth," said Duetta.

Monday, November 10, 2014

3. The Wabbit scouts Locations

The Wabbit couldn't decide on suitable locations for his Museum of Enemies. "Old or new or both," he mused. He was wandering through the medieval castle when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. "Oh hello Wabsworth," he said, "you can help me out." Wabsworth was the Wabbit's android double and an exact copy. But beyond the point when he was made, he had his own experiences. That made for enjoyable confusion - so the Wabbit was pleased to see him. "What's new?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit smiled broadly. "Funds for my Museum of Enemies are available." "Excellent," said Wabsworth. "Your success is guaranteed." The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "Maybe. But I just don't know where to start." "I thought you already had," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit looked quizzical and Wabsworth glanced around. "I could swear I saw some enemies about - is it an installation?" "I don't like installations," said the Wabbit. "I was thinking of working models." Now it was Wabsworth's turn to look quizzical. "Where are all your enemies anyway?" "Banished mostly," sighed the Wabbit, "except for the MacDrabs. I blew them up." "Well, that looks like one over there," said Wabsworth, pointing to a shop. "I thought that was a Highland Outfitters," said the Wabbit. "They didn't have Highland Wear in Medieval Turin," replied Wabsworth. "OK," hissed the Wabbit, "pay no attention, look forward and just keep hopping." So they hopped and hopped, getting steadily quicker until the castle was far behind ...

Friday, November 07, 2014

2.The Wabbit and the Enemies Museum

The Wabbit had a downtime arrangement with a sleazy viewing theatre in Via Nizza, and there he met Lapinette to review his Museum of Enemies project. The Wabbit scratched his head. "I invited Renzo Piano along." "When's he coming?" said Lapinette. "He has to play another gig," chuckled the Wabbit, "but he gave me some advice."  Lapinette's voice was resigned. "He doesn't know your enemies like I do." She waved a paw at the ancient projectionist and the screen lit up. "Here are some old enemies," she said. "They'll help you decide what you want." The Wabbit narrowed his eyes until they were slits. "It could be a long corridor with enemies leering from either side." "A museum has to be a responsive space," sighed Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded. "I thought rods could come out and give electric shocks." Lapinette was horrified. "You haven't thought this out." She pondered for a while. "Does it have to be a building?" The Wabbit grinned. "No, it could be all over the place." Lapinette was on the edge of a wry comment, but nodded and waved her pointer. "Our enemies are everywhere, so why don't we put them everywhere?" "All over the city," said the Wabbit. "Working models?" suggested Lapinette. The Wabbit smiled maliciously. "With special effects." "How's the budget?" asked Lapinette. "Huge," said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked quizzical. "I thought you didn't like installations?" "I call it true life sculpture," smiled the Wabbit.  "Why have a got a bad feeling about this?" said Lapinette.

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

1. The Wabbit and the Forgotten Funds

The Wabbit was hanging around. He was between adventures and was moaning quietly to himself when Lapinette sprang from round a corner. "You startled me," said the Wabbit. Lapinette knew the Wabbit didn't startle easily but she smiled a cheery smile. "What about the next adventure?" The Wabbit cheered. "Did you hear anything?" "Nope," said Lapinette, "so you can relax." That was the last thing the Wabbit wanted and he made a face. "Nothing threatening the universe?" "Zilch," said Lapinette. The Wabbit tried hard not to scowl and failed. "Maybe an attack on Turin?" he said with desperation. "All quiet," said Lapinette. "Personal threats perhaps," murmured the Wabbit hopefully. "Not a sausage," said Lapinette. The Wabbit hunched miserably and Lapinette took pity. "Well ..." The Wabbit brightened. "There's news about your project." Lapinette could hear the Wabbit's brain creaking, so she continued. "The funds for your Museum have arrived." The Wabbit froze then tried to think. "The Museum of ... " Lapinette laughed. "The Museum of Enemies!" The Wabbit had quite forgotten the complex series of funding manoevres he had set in motion - primarily due to boredom. "Funds from where?" he muttered. "The Carrot Club match-funded your Dinosaur Fund," said Lapinette. Now the Wabbit was grinning and Lapinette just couldn't help asking. "Wabbit, why do you want a Museum of Enemies?" "Because they'd hate it!" laughed the Wabbit. Lapinette wore an impish grin. "Maybe they'd like it." "Even better!" yelled the Wabbit.

Monday, November 03, 2014

The Wabbit and the Devil Red Caffè

Jenny had picked the Caffè, so she arrived fashionably late - as did Skratch the Cat from the other direction. Lapinette pointed at the hat. "Why does the hat have its own seat?" "No time, here comes Skratch," hissed Lapin who was strategically positioned at the rear. Jenny laughed and sat down beside him. "Skratch! What kind of adventure did we just have?" Skratch fairly bounced. "It was a splendid reflection on the antinomies of good and evil." "Agreed" smiled Lapin. But Skratch hadn't finished. "It refused admirably to locate horror within its diegetic referents." Wabsworth shook his head and sighed. "What about the hat?" The Wabbit smirked and said nothing. "And what did you do with the secret album inside the hat?" asked Lapin. The Wabbit wore a smug look. "I removed it and hid it." "Anywhere special?" asked Jenny. "In my fur," said the Wabbit. "No-one will ever find it there." Lapinette smiled sweetly because she had already found it - and indeed played it and stealthily replaced it. "It's a good album." "How do you know?" said the Wabbit sharply. Lapinette faltered. "Oh you know - that sort of jazz thing must be nice." Skratch rescued Lapinette. "Our adventure successfully avoided becoming a musical," he stated solemnly. Lapinette thought deeply. "Maybe there's something that's opposite to music?" "That's the chord I sang in the portico," said the Wabbit. "That's why I won." "But you can't kill the devil," said Lapin, "and he has the best tunes." "That's used to be the case," said the Wabbit with triumph. "But now he's tone deaf."

Friday, October 31, 2014

The Wabbit and the Hasty Hallowe'en

The team gathered at the rear of the old abandoned hospital for the hastily arranged Halloween party. They lit the remnants of their old fire and soon it was a hearty blaze. Shadows flickered spookily on the roof as the Wabbit turned to face an imaginary audience. He threw his arms wide like a bat and his voice bounced around the buildings. "Did you ever hear ... ?" asked the Wabbit. His audience drew a breath. The Wabbit started again. "Did you ever hear about the giant two-headed rabbit that wandered the Rannoch Moor crying for its lost soul?" They all shook their heads. "Neither did I," smiled the Wabbit. A loud groan creaked around the room beams. "It was just a joke," complained the Wabbit. "That wasn't us," said Lapinette. "Not guilty," said Skratch. "I distinctly heard a groan," said the Wabbit. "I thought it was more of a moan," said Wabsworth. "The same kind of moan the Bunnyman made?" said Skratch. "Oh, he only comes at midnight," said Lapin. "With his bloody axe," said Jenny. The Wabbit thought for a minute. "What time is it?" "It's just past twelve," said Lapinette. The Wabbit sighed with relief. "Well he won't be coming now." Just at that moment they heard a dreadful clattering of teeth and a voice moaned. "So late. Oh so late." "Late for what?" asked the Wabbit. "Late for the party," moaned the voice of the Bunnyman. The Wabbit turned to his audience, plucked a hidden speaker from his fur and grinned. "That Bunnyman is axing for trouble."

Thursday, October 30, 2014

14 The Wabbit and the Devil's Surprise

The Wabbit and Wabsworth made their way home, but there was something altogether spooky about Vinzaglio Metro. "I guess its nearly Hallowe'en," said Wabsworth, "shall we have a party?" The Wabbit grinned and tipped his hat back. "Why not!" "You can come as a cowboy," suggested Wabsworth. "Ghost Rider from the Sky," laughed the Wabbit. They chuckled for a while. "Did you hear a moaning?" asked the Wabbit. "Must be the escalator," shrugged Wabsworth. The Wabbit shook his head. "There it is again, listen." They stopped and waited. "I heard groooooh-grooooh to you," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit's fur tingled and his voice trembled. " He's back!" Wabsworth scrunchled against the wall as the hatless head of the Devil floated just above the escalator steps. It made grinding sounds that echoed from the Metro walls and it whispered threats of all that was Hell. The Wabbit stood his ground and snarled through his 28 teeth. "Egonebay oulfay iendfay!" The head turned very slowly and met his eyes. "I will cut off your head and put it on backwards." "On me or you?" asked the Wabbit. The Devil's angry retort was like the creak of a rusty tap. "I will put you upside down in a hole and set your paws on fire." "What about the snakes?" asked the Wabbit. "Any snakes in the hole?" Now the Devil's voice was like a saw. "Enough snakes to shake a stick at. Then I'll poke you with that stick." The Wabbit winked at Wabsworth and spoke to the Devil. "Are you coming to our Hallowe'en Party?"
[Egonebay oulfay iendfay: Pig Latin - Begone foul fiend]

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

13. The Wabbit's Date with the Devil

The Wabbit tipped the brim of the hat and it touched his glasses. Everything became hyper clear. The Devil was there of course, but the Wabbit ignored him and looked past to see Parakalo the Dove winging swiftly away. There was Wabsworth, his android double. He raised a paw and Wabsworth gestured back. "You were supposed to come alone," sneered the Devil. "We did come alone." The Devil heard the Wabbit and Wabsworth speak precisely as one and his voice weakened. "Give me my hat." The Wabbit was icy calm. Jazz played inside the hat and he listened carefully. He could hear spaces so he filled them with his own notes and tapped out rhythms with a paw. Wabsworth improvised. Bojangle sounds filled the portico and every tap drove the Devil lower. "I want what's mine," he gasped. The Wabbit gazed implacably as the Devil pleaded. "Give me my space. Give me the chord." The Wabbit looked down. "Want to hear it?" The Devil felt something he had never known. Fear chilled his every fibre. The Wabbit made a spooky sound that whined into existence like an overheating dynamo. Unable to muster strength, the Devil crumpled and grew infinitesimally small. The last thing he saw was a giant paw as it scuffed his remains on the sidewalk. Wabsworth hopped over to embrace the Wabbit and they danced to the last strains of music. "Devil got my sole!" sang the Wabbit.

Monday, October 27, 2014

12. The Wabbit and the Devil's Exit

The Wabbit and his team rushed through an atmosphere with a strange colour and an even stranger smell. It was a smell that had long deserted Porta Susa Station - and it tasted of steam locomotives and fire and sparks and hot oil. Summoned by Lapinette's amulet, Parakalo the Dove swooped through the dim light towards Jenny and ex-Cardinal Lapin. With one eye on the Wabbit and the other on the station's exits, he took charge of communications and the roof was alive with coos and clucks. "Where's the Devil now?" sighed Lapin. Jenny sniffed. "He's there - down in the metro still." Parakalo navigated the walkways and stairs like an eagle and peered in every corner. "He's trying to find his way out." he cooed. "The Wabbit bought some time," said Jenny, "but he has to fight this one on his own." Lapin stroked his Cardinal's robe and muttered a prayer. "Exorcizámos te, ómnis immúnde spíritus, ómnis satánic potéstas." For a moment something cleared around the Wabbit and he turned to speak with Lapinette and Skratch. "This is far enough for you both. I'll take it from here." They both looked crestfallen and hugged the Wabbit. In the midst of the embrace, the Wabbit shrugged with difficulty. "It's just me and the Devil and this Hat," he grinned, "what can possibly go wrong?" Lapinette let go of the Wabbit and with a delicate touch of her paw, she pressed her secret amulet. Up in the station roof, Parakalo gave a faint coo then suddenly wheeled and soared off at speed ...

Friday, October 24, 2014

11. The Wabbit & the Devil in the Way

Skratch and the Wabbit found their exit blocked. With a screechy wail the escalator moved towards them bringing the Devil with Lapinette in his grasp. He pointed and his finger shook with fury. "Give me my hat and I'll let her go." The Wabbit couldn't give him the hat even if he wanted to. "You lie!" scoffed Skratch. "It's my job," said the Devil. "Then no hat," shrugged Skratch. "Anyway, it suits the Wabbit better than you." The Wabbit looked past Lapinette and scowled straight at the Devil. "You can take a rabbit from a hat, but you can't take the hat from the rabbit!" The Devil shook Lapinette fiercely again and again. Then he shook her some more. Her legs flailed and her teeth chattered but the Wabbit noticed her clutching something - an amulet that started to glow. At that instant, something happened to the album inside his hat. It span and as it picked up speed, an enchanted tune whipped up like an old phonograph. "Play it, Wabbit," murmured Skratch, "Play it like it's yours." The Wabbit concentrated. His eyes narrowed and music whispered from the station loudspeakers. The Devil looked up and his grip on Lapinette slackened. Her amulet glowed fiercely and just as she chafed at the bonds that tied her paws, the Wabbit willed the music to boom through the station. With a grinding crash, the escalator stopped dead and the Devil dropped, clasping his ears in pain. Lapinette twisted free and rolled towards the Wabbit. As the Devil writhed in agony, Skratch and the Wabbit pulled Lapinette away. "How do you like your elevator music?" asked Skratch. "Holy minimalism!" yelled Lapinette.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

10. The Wabbit & the Sound of the Hat

The Wabbit had the Devil's hat but as he hopped outside, he realised he was somewhere completely different. He was not outside by a long chalk. He plodded forward anyway because he was in the metro. He even knew roughly where he was - but of why he was there, he knew nothing. The hat gripped his head and made a soft noise so the Wabbit grasped it by the brim and straightened it. Now it seemed to play a tune, but it was off key. Sometimes it was flat and sometimes it was sharp. He managed to make out a rhythm, but it was a rhythm of suffering that chilled his blood. He heard lyrics but the words were out of sync and the Wabbit could hardly distinguish them from each other. So he tried to repeat the words. "The sign, the chord, the groove, the album." His words popped, clicked and crackled and sibilants hissed along the tracks like railgrinders. Then another sound seemed to call his name. "Waaaaabit!" The Wabbit kept his nerve. "By the prickling of my ears," he murmured, "something wicked this way steers." That phrase didn't sound right to the Wabbit and he was about to revise it when he heard the call again. "Wabbit! Wait!" The Wabbit put his head down and ploughed forward. But the voice called again. "What's this for a diabolical adventure?" The Wabbit relaxed and turned. In the distance, he saw Skratch scrambling along the rails and he had never been so pleased to see him. "You scared the Hell out of me!" he grinned.

Monday, October 20, 2014

9. The Wabbit & the Devil's Own Error

The Wabbit and Lapinette sauntered into the record store alone. What they had to do was audacious - and everything had to be perfect. The Devil stood by the jukebox and he was sarcastic. "It's my small furry friends," he sneered. "Have you found my album and my sign?" "We can't agree on the sign," said the Wabbit," so it doesn't really matter." "You dare meddle with me!" screamed the Devil. The Wabbit stuck out his tongue and wiggled his ears. The Devil roared with fury but in his distraction he failed to notice Lapinette climb on a chair. The Wabbit knew Lapinette was very, very good at one particular thing that always made him smile. So he waited for it all to happen and addressed the Devil directly. "How's your singing voice, Devil? Missing a little verve?" The Devil's head turned and it was all Lapinette needed. With a flick of both paws, she tipped the Devil's hat and it span like a frisbee. "Aaaaagh!" shouted the Devil. "Give me back my hat!" But the hat spiralled across the record store. Now the Wabbit could see inside and he knew he was right. He adjusted his head, made his ears into spikes and with a deft movement that would have astonished a soccer forward, he caught the hat on his head and loped from the store. The Devil was seized by rage. He too had glimpsed inside his hat and he felt like a fool. Lapinette carefully backed away but she couldn't resist triumph. "Devil," she said softly, "don't you want to get ahead?" The Devil looked up mournfully. "Better get a hat," sang Lapinette.

Friday, October 17, 2014

8.The Wabbit : the Devil Rides Out

On the rooftops of the Bavarian Quarter, they watched him move out. "Do you suppose he gave up?" asked Jenny. Lapin shook his head. "The Devil never gives up." The Stetson loomed large across the city and Lapin drew a sharp breath as it cast a shadow over a church steeple. "Where's the fiend going?" he muttered. "I think I know," said the Wabbit. "He'll go back to where and what he knows." "The Devil is treacherous," said Lapinette. Lapin nodded. "So where is his circle of treachery?" They turned because the Wabbit was muttering and they could hear him. "It's all about something round." "We know that already," said Lapinette. The Wabbit looked up. "I know I'm missing something important." "Try to relax," said Lapinette. "You'll think of it at once." This always had the opposite effect and the Wabbit shook his head. Jenny intervened. "Stare at something and let your eyes go fuzzy." The Wabbit had no problem with this approach so he did exactly that. He stared and stared at the departing figure and let the whole scene drift out of focus. Everyone waited. The Wabbit's eyes turned into strange spirals. "I have it!" yelled the Wabbit. "Eureka?" smiled Lapin. "I told you so," said Jenny. "Explain!" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned somewhat weakly. "I know where he's going and I know where the album is." "We've cracked it," said Jenny smugly. The Wabbit teeth set in a grimace. "We'll have the devil's own job to get it."

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

7. The Wabbit and the Iron Shield

They found themselves caged under a gloomy sky with ex-Cardinal Lapin. "The Devil can't get reach us in this place," said Lapin. "Cold iron binds him." "I can't believe you're here," said the Wabbit. "Did you get time off?" "For good behaviour," chuckled Lapin. The Wabbit shrugged pleasantly and smiled while Lapin patted his back. "Not even the Wabbit can fight the Devil alone." "We'd have managed," said the Wabbit, "so what do I call you these days?" "Frankie, like you used to," said Lapin. Lapinette was beginning to show impatience and held up the disc. "What about the Devil's lost chord, Frankie? What about his sign?" "That's not his disc, it's mine," laughed Lapin. "But now the Earl of Hell thinks we have his disc," grumbled Jenny. "Exactly," said Lapin. "He has to deal with us." The Wabbit was frustrated. "So where exactly is this album with the sign?" Lapin threw back his head and gurgled. "He has it himself, but he doesn't know." "Let's sing," said the Wabbit suddenly. Lapinette clapped a paw across her brow but Lapin and Jenny started to hum. It was evil sounding - dissonant, jarring and spooky at the same time. The Wabbit threw in some tritone chords for the sake of dread but he stopped as Lapinette's falsetto bounced without warning from the iron mesh. "We shall beset the ancient foe," she trilled. "for we doth seek to work him woe." The sky cleared. "You put the devil on edge," said Lapin.

Monday, October 13, 2014

6. The Wabbit and the Great Escape

There was a vicious crack as Jenny blew open the doors and the Wabbit and Lapinette were out and running. "What's she got in that hook?" yelled Lapinette. "Astrolite G," shouted the Wabbit. "You don't cut corners," panted Lapinette as she clutched the precious disc. "One day you'll destroy the whole city." "Throw the disc!" commanded the Wabbit. Lapinette tried very hard to throw it but the record remained attached to her paw. "You have to throw it" repeated the Wabbit. " I can't," she sighed, "it's stuck fast." "Does it have the sign?" yelled the Wabbit. Lapinette ran the edge of her paw round the inside of the record. "It has something, I can feel it." The Wabbit glanced down to make sure of a record he'd grabbed on his way out. "Why that one? yelled Lapinette. "Bourbon Street Blues," grinned the Wabbit. "Up here!" A familiar voice issued from above and, as if by magic, an arm appeared. "Now's the time," yelled the Wabbit. "It's now or never!" Lapinette summoned all her strength, concentrated on the disc and willed it to fly. The record shot from her paw with enormous speed and straight into a waiting paw. Bits of record store were still settling in the street but they heard the voice murmur. "Gotcha." "I wasn't expecting you, your Holiness," puffed the Wabbit. "Where is the foul transgressor?" asked the voice. "Still inside the store," said Lapinette. There was a rather jolly laugh. "Shall I command the Devil to depart?" The Wabbit smiled. "He finds it hard to take instruction ..."

Friday, October 10, 2014

5. The Wabbit and the Devil DJ

The Wabbit and Lapinette followed the Voice. "Hey Wabbit, can I play you a request?" A sinister figure sat by the record decks but he didn't turn. The Wabbit shot a warning glance at Lapinette and adopted a cheerful voice. "Play Misty for me." The figure snorted. "Which version?" "Errol Garner of course," smiled the Wabbit. The figure barely moved. Melodic piano chords filled the store but his voice rose above them. "Of all the stores, in all the towns in all the world, you hop into mine." The Wabbit swayed quietly in time to the music but his eyes were on the figure as it stiffened. "I was there you know," it growled. "I was there at that famous jazz session with the masters." "Must have been a great evening," said the Wabbit lightly - and the figure half turned. "It was great because of me!" There was a vindictiveness in the figure's voice that chilled Lapinette to the bone. She clutched an old disc behind her for the simple reason that she couldn't let go - or maybe it wouldn't let go of her. Under her paw she could feel the centre was scratched and the ridges made a strange sign. "They stole something from me," said the figure. "They took what was rightfully mine." "Oh that's in the past," said the Wabbit, "they've gone, they all passed away." Now the figure tilted his stetson back and a ghastly laugh bounced from the wall. "They died to regret it!" Lapinette gripped the disc fiercely and the disc gripped her. "I'm late for rehearsals," she mouthed. "We'll be off then," said the Wabbit. But as they made for the door, locks turned and bolts slid ...

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

4. The Wabbit and the Hidden Album

Jenny led the Wabbit and Lapinette to a part of the city neither of them knew. She said it was the Bavarian Quarter and although they both shook their heads, they eventually found themselves in a music store belonging to a certain Herr Glückspilz. Jenny kept a lookout in the street, while they both rummaged through ancient albums. "I suppose we're in the right place?" asked Lapinette. "Herr Glückspilz said we might get lucky," replied the Wabbit. They examined each record closely. "Legendary cakewalk classic?" suggested Lapinette. "Too early," said the Wabbit. "Modern Jazz Quartet?" murmured Lapinette. "Too late," said the Wabbit. They rummaged more without success but when the Wabbit noticed a flash of blue, he squeezed a paw between the shelves. "I found something," he said, tugging at an album that was stuck at the back. "Did you feel that cold draught?" said Lapinette. "Something ruffled my fur," said the Wabbit. They both looked round. "Everything OK?" mimed Jenny from behind the window. The Wabbit was suddenly aware of a large poster. "Which Beatle wore a Stetson?" Lapinette screwed up her nose and sighed, "It's U2 who have hats." The Wabbit tried to dislodge the album by shaking it but it was completely stuck. With a deft movement Lapinette plucked the album free and the Wabbit squinted at the title and read it aloud. "Dealing with the Devil." All the lights went out. "Who better?" boomed a voice.

Monday, October 06, 2014

3. The Wabbit and the Devil's Due

It had been a long day and the Wabbit had turned up nothing from the markets. He made his way along the porticos deep in thought, but something was nagging. Something more than thinking. Something palpable. "I don't remember that mural," he muttered. "I remember you, Blue Glasses." It seemed to come from inside his head but the voice echoed round the portico roof. From the corner of his eye the Wabbit saw his ears make pointed shadows on the sidewalk and as he hopped they curled slightly towards him. The Wabbit quickened his pace. "We're looking for the same thing, you and I." This time, the Wabbit knew the voice was behind him. Keeping both eyes fixed ahead, the Wabbit shrugged. "I'm just looking for an old album." His voice was the merest whisper but the ghostly voice responded. "I want it too. It has my sign, it's my due." "I've seen no sign of a sign," whispered the Wabbit, "but if I see one, I'll let you know." The Wabbit heard a long laugh. "How can I trust you?" "Trust me as you would yourself," said the Wabbit quickly. Jagged flickers of light crept along the roof but the Wabbit ignored them and gazed steadfastly into the night. Up ahead he could see tables and chairs and people dining on pizza and chips. "The devil's work," shuddered the Wabbit. A cold blast split the evening, chilling the Wabbit's fur and bringing howls from the diners. At that moment, something Skratch told him popped into his head. "Every sign has two sides." "Just like a record album," thought the Wabbit. "Just like me," howled the Voice ...

Friday, October 03, 2014

2. The Wabbit and the Wrong Record

The Wabbit heard a voice call, but he didn't turn a hair because in markets you never knew what might happen. He'd already seen police patrolling with soldiers. "Contraband," he muttered. The voice called again. "Wabbit I found this!" The Wabbit clutched his spoils fiercely to his fur. Of the secret record with the secret sign, he had found no trace, but he had acquired a rare single. Finally he turned. "Jenny!" he said affectionately. "I didn't recognise your voice." Jenny held up an album. "Is this the sort of thing you're looking for?" "It might be," said the Wabbit, "but it's a re-issue." Jenny smiled and rocked slightly. "I found a place selling old records." The Wabbit was delighted. "Markets aren't what they used to be," he chortled. Jenny agreed. "Nothing but ladies' clothes and jujus made in China." The Wabbit nodded vigourously. "I remember I could get anything here. I got a left-handed circlip opener once." "And you still have it in your fur," said Jenny. The Wabbit nodded, because every time he tried to throw it away, he found a use for it. "The record salesman told me an outrageous story," said Jenny. The Wabbit's ears twitched. "He said he'd seen the devil." The Wabbit tried to be nonchalant. "What did he look like?" "A bit of a dandy. Stripes, black waistcoat." "Did he say anything?" asked the Wabbit. Jenny looked serious. "Daemones non operantur nisi per artem." The Wabbit looked thoughtful. "What do you think?" asked Jenny. "I think he's the real deal," said the Wabbit.
[Daemones non operantur nisi per artem: Demons do not operate, save through trickery.]

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

1. The Wabbit and the Devil's Chord

"Wabbit!" The Wabbit turned slightly. "Hello Skratch." Skratch could see the Wabbit was disgruntled and approached with caution. "Anything wrong?" The Wabbit sighed a deep sigh. "Look what they're doing to my city." "It's maintenance Wabbit," said Skratch. "The old gates will be as good as new." "I don't like things as good as new," said the Wabbit. "I like things the way they were." Skratch knew it was futile to argue so he changed the subject. "We need to talk," he said, "we have a critical mission." The Wabbit brightened immediately. Skratch became grave. "We need to find something." The Wabbit shrugged. "It's something unobtainable," purred Skratch. The Wabbit waited with anticipation. "Years ago some famous jazz musicians got together." The Wabbit's eyes glistened as Skratch continued. "They played a session only for their families." "Someone made a secret recording," said the Wabbit immediately. Skratch was astonished. The Wabbit grinned. "I would have." "Wait until you hear this," breathed Skratch. "A limited pressing was made and scratched on one disc was a sign." The Wabbit inclined his head. "It was for a chord. A chord that's never been heard." "What?" yelled the Wabbit. "Everyone died of course," miaowed Skratch, "and the records were junked." "Only that copy survives?" said the Wabbit. Skratch nodded. "Intelligence suggests it's somewhere here." "There's something else, isn't there?" said the Wabbit. Skratch shook his head. "They say the devil lost that chord." The Wabbit's fur stood on end. "And he's trying to find it!"

Monday, September 29, 2014

The Wabbit and the Abandoned Tower

Lapinette and the Wabbit surveyed the tower. It was on the edge of town near a shopping centre and a few workshops. The place was quiet except for a traffic drone from a nearby eight road intersection. There, the noise never seemed to stop and eventually no one could really hear it. Lapinette didn't know what to say. "You bought this?" she sighed. "I did," said the Wabbit with enthusiasm. "It was a bargain." Lapinette's ears swayed slightly. "Where did you get the money?" The Wabbit's laugh was somewhere between a guffaw and a giggle. "The Dinosaur Fund." "I thought it was nearly empty," said Lapinette. "Not any more," said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked sceptical but the Wabbit was gleeful. "I routed what was left through Curaçao, then a little known parish council in rural England." Lapinette nodded and the Wabbit continued. "Then it went to a merchant bank in Frankfurt where it was washed and spin dried." Lapinette sighed again. "Finally it popped up here much bigger than it was when it started." "And you bought the tower," groaned Lapinette. "In a manner of speaking," said the Wabbit. "In return for agreeing it should be a bird sanctuary, I got it for a euro." Lapinette heard a faint cooing from the top of the tower and looked up to see Parakalo, the Dove. Then her head tilted to the side and she stared. "You know it's leaning." The Wabbit was ecstatic. "I think that means it's listed."

Friday, September 26, 2014

The Wabbit's Reverse Homing Dove

When he saw Parakalo the Dove the Wabbit screeched to a sudden halt. "We're heading for the ferry!" he shouted. "And home," added Lapinette. "Did we forget anything?" asked the Wabbit. "No," said Parakalo. "I wanted to say something." Lapinette and the Wabbit looked at Parakalo with affectionate eyes. "I had a very exciting time," he warbled. Wabbit nodded cheerfully. "So did we!" "I enjoyed it a lot!" added Parakalo. "Us too!" said Lapinette. Parakalo cooed three times. "I would like to continue." "Nothing to stop you," smiled the Wabbit. "With you," said Parakalo. Lapinette answered first. "You'd like to come with us?" "I'd like to have adventures with you," cooed Parakalo. The Wabbit pretended to look grave. "I'm afraid we wouldn't be able to pay you very much." "You mean yes!" cried Parakalo and he spread his wings wide. "I'll see you in Turin." In an instant he wheeled and shot into the air. Lapinette and the Wabbit looked up but Parakalo was a mere dot in the sky. They watched until the dot disappeared, then Lapinette turned to the Wabbit. "Where's the Department going to put him?" The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth and gunned the throttle. "Aerial espionage?" "Better radio Wabsworth," said Lapinette. "Why?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette smiled sweetly. "To find accommodation, of course." The Wabbit wore a sinister smirk. "The old abandoned tower will do."  "I didn't know there was one," sighed Lapinette. "I've got the Tower," sang the Wabbit.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

The Wabbit's Greek Adventure Caffè

Still a little dazed, the Wabbit, Lapinette and Parakalo the Dove adjourned to a caffè in a nearby village. They were about to order aperitivi when Skratch and Jenny appeared from a field. "We found you at last," said Skratch. "We've been looking all over," said Jenny. "It was a sair trachle," said Stone. The Wabbit looked up. "Skratch! How's married life?" Skratch looked at Jenny and Jenny looked back. "What are you talking about?" asked Skratch. "You got married," said Lapinette, "and Robot officiated." "How long have you been drinking here?" said Skratch. "It's the heat," suggested Jenny. Lapinette glanced sharply at the Wabbit. "I told you these creatures were dangerous!" Parakalo cooed for a long time. "Who's that?" asked Skratch. "Parakalo," said the Wabbit. "Pleased to meet you," said Skratch. "Parakalo," said Parakalo. The Wabbit hastily changed the subject. "Well? What was that for a sort of adventure?" Jenny laughed. "It looks like hallucinatory realism!" Skratch purred at Jenny with admiration. "It appeared to have a dream-analogous authenticity." "It was both concrete and believable," offered Parakalo. He suddenly cooed in a three part call and started gathering twigs. Skratch had been puzzling. "Perhaps the wedding aesthetically enhanced reality." The Wabbit tried to clear his head. "Are you getting married or not?" "Yes," said Skratch. "Nearly," said Jenny. "That's close enough," said Lapinette
[A sair trachle: (Scottish dialect) To drag one's self onwards when fatigued,] 

Monday, September 22, 2014

10. The Wabbit and the Issue of Nothing

Lapinette and the Wabbit took cover behind an old farm building as the light creatures sailed around in formation. "What's happening?" yelled the Wabbit. "The Quantum Parabolas are merging!" shouted Lapinette. "Stay clear!" "But they're made of nothing!" The Wabbit was exasperated, "How can nothing merge?" Lapinette shouted back really hard because the sound of the dancing Parabolas was piercing and yet somehow it didn't exist. Her ears tingled. "Nothing isn't really nothing!" she screamed, "in the quantum universe nothing is always something!" Now the Wabbit had a clue and his ears bent back and his fur crawled. "Everything that can happen, does happen," whistled Parakalo. The sound cut through like crystal and the Wabbit found time to shrug. "Why does it always happen to me?" he murmured. Lapinette shook her head because she knew that things did happen to the Wabbit. She felt he was a magnet for dubious phenomena and occasionally pointed it out. "No wonder you can't have a holiday!" she pouted. The Wabbit was feeling strange. "Yes, we must go on holiday,"  he yelled. Lapinette was beginning to feel most peculiar. "We're going on Friday," she said. "What day is today?" asked the Wabbit in a dazed voice. Parakalo was feeling strange too. "The day before yesterday," he cooed. Suddenly the Parabolas became one enormous entity and with a curious liquid plop, faded until there was nothing. "Nothing comes of nothing," said the Wabbit.

Friday, September 19, 2014

9. The Wabbit, Lapinette and Nothing

Suddenly they were there. Light creatures floated around the dovecote and went inside. But they kept coming. More and more creatures appeared until the sky was thick with gold. "If we're going to do it," said the Wabbit, "it had better be now." They turned and ran. Without taking aim, Lapinette fired casually over her shoulder and tracer rounds poured from her automatic in a single stream. "Yikes," yelled the Wabbit, "what happens next?" "You rabbits are good fun," trilled Parakalo. His wings beat so fast that whistling noises echoed around the rocks. "The light creatures will be caught in a crossfire," shouted Lapinette. "They'll disappear," "Didn't you say they were made of nothing?" panted the Wabbit. "Exactly." said Lapinette. "Nothing is exactly what we're doing." The Wabbit looked bamboozled, but quickened his pace. "Supposing something does happen?" Lapinette started to bound. "We could all be thrust into an alternate universe." "Filled with nothing," added Parakalo. "You catch on fast," observed the Wabbit, who hadn't the slightest clue. He started to bound too and with each bound he wished he hadn't missed his quantum mechanics class, having instead gone to the library to read Jean Paul Sartre. "What do you prefer?" he bellowed, "being or nothingness?" "I think I prefer to be Lapinette," shouted Lapinette.