Wednesday, November 22, 2017

4. The Wabbit and the Kiss Window

Together with Scarecrow, they pursued the flyaway kiss. Just as they passed a bookshop window, a voice spoke. It was a familiar voice and it seemed to have a point of view on kissing. "It kissed me twice, that's more than usual," said a face in the window. The kiss buzzed past Lapinette's head and flew down the street, leaving an indelible mark on the face. "Come back kiss," shouted the face. But the kiss took no notice and flew on. The face seemed to turn to Lapinette. "Is that your kiss? You should take better care of it." Lapinette ignored the vanishing kiss and explained. "My kiss escaped from a charity event and we can't stop it." "I'd like to help you," gazed the face, "but my face is under house arrest." The face managed a wry smile. "The only way to stop a kiss is to kiss it back." Lapinette scowled. "I can't kiss my own kiss!" The Wabbit grinned. "Then I'll do it. I must meet it face on." "Absolutely precisely, with passion. No half kissing," said the face; "that's just kissing in self defense." The Wabbit thought for a bit, but as he pondered, the kiss zoomed back, making mwah sounds as it swooped around. It hovered close to the Wabbit's head and he made several attempts to kiss it directly - all without success. "That was a near kiss," said the face. With a whooshing noise, the kiss vanished again ..

Monday, November 20, 2017

3. The Wabbit and the Flyaway Kiss

Lapinette and the Wabbit chased Lapinette's kiss through shops, streets and on trams - but the kiss didn't stop until it came to an urban organic garden. There it settled on a scarecrow's cheek and planted a resounding smacker, the sound of which could be heard some distance away. Then it fluttered onwards. Lapinette jumped up and down. "We have to find my kiss, it shouldn't be out on its own." "Let's ask the scarecrow," suggested the Wabbit. Lapinette looked skeptical but nonetheless she hopped on a bench and looked up at the scarecrow's face. "How was the kiss, Mr Scarecrow?" "The scarecrow's head swiveled to face her. "Hot," he said, pointing to the disappearing kiss. "I thought it was a pretty butterfly, I hoped it would stay." Lapinette jumped higher. "My kiss escaped from a charity event and I have to get it back." "Is it dangerous?" asked the scarecrow. He rubbed his cheek, smiled and waved to the now distant kiss. "Yes," replied Lapinette, "It could be hazardous if it falls onto the wrong face." "Then please let me help you," said the scarecrow. Lapinette looked at him. "Aren't you stuck here?" The scarecrow rustled his straw. "That's what they think," he murmured, "but I'm quite ambulant and have a spare set of clothes in my shed." "Did the kiss say anything?" asked the Wabbit. "It said mwah smooch!" grinned the scarecrow. "Ah," said the Wabbit, "That's two more clues ..."

Friday, November 17, 2017

2. Lapinette is Swept off her Feet.

The Wabbit danced Lapinette all the way to the city centre, the city sustaining only minor damage. But at a crossroads, the Wabbit came to an abrupt halt. He hadn't run out of steam as Lapinette thought, because suddenly she was thrown in the air and then gently held in place by the Wabbit's paws. She threw her arms wide. "Where are we?" "If I knew where we were," said the Wabbit, "I couldn't have danced here." The Wabbit let Lapinette down and glanced around. "Do you think the place is here?" asked Lapinette. "I think it's a clue," said the Wabbit. "We should have proper instructions, not clues," commented Lapinette. A cooing from above took their attention as a large dove swooped from the rooftops. "Parakalo!" yelled the Wabbit. "Parakalo!" shouted Parakalo. Lapinette waved and shouted. "Do you have a message for us?" Parakalo circled three times. "I am the message," he cooed. Lapinette and the Wabbit sighed. "We're secret agents, not parlour game puzzlers." Parakalo continued to hover. Then something flew down and stuck to the traffic sign. "That looks like a kiss," said the Wabbit. "It looks like one of mine," murmured Lapinette. "Sold at a charity do?" suggested the Wabbit. Lapinette cast her mind into the dim and distant past. "Maybe," she shrugged. The Wabbit climbed the pole. "I'll get it down." "Be careful," said Lapinette, "It might still be hot."

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

1. The Wabbit and the Missing Address

"The address said here." The Wabbit looked all round, then shook his head like a donkey. "It's closed," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit stood his ground. "These are the coordinates I was given." Lapinette gave a mock sigh and nudged the Wabbit. "Couldn't you get an ordinary address like normal rabbits?" The Wabbit shook his head again. "It's how the instructions came." "How did the instructions come?" asked Lapinette. "Carrier pigeon," said the Wabbit. Lapinette wasn't terribly surprised. "Where are the instructions now?" she asked. "I ate them," said the Wabbit. He made a face. "They tasted quite awful. I wanted pistachio flavour." Lapinette stifled a giggle. "What did they taste like?" "Cough medicine," scowled the Wabbit. The street was quiet, as it normally was on a Sunday morning - maybe even quieter. "I'm uncertain why we're here," said Lapinette, "maybe we should wait." The Wabbit grinned and leaned against the fence. "Waiting time with you is always too short." Lapinette pirouetted. "That's because good things come to those who wait." "What kind of good things?" smiled the Wabbit. "Wait and see!" answered Lapinette. The Wabbit looked swiftly from right to left. "Would you care to dance?" Lapinette folded her paws across her chest. "What are your dancing qualifications?" "Bronze Medal," said the Wabbit. Lapinette pretended to swoon. "Teach me!"

Monday, November 13, 2017

The Wabbit at the Breakfast Caffè

It was early and the caffè was setting up. "Coffee," said the Wabbit. He said it again. "Coffee." Lapinette grinned. "It not going to come by itself." She heard the tinkle of crockery from inside. "Maybe it will." she shrugged. "Double espresso for me," meaowed Skratch, "No such thing," said Lapinette. She pointed at the Wabbit. He waved to a waiter dramatically. "Eight coffees in four cups!" "And rum," suggested Captain Jenny. "Bottle of Seven Fathoms!" yelled the Wabbit. Skratch sighed in a catty manner. "That was quite an adventure we just had." "But what kind of adventure was it?" smiled Jenny. Skratch pondered long and hard. "It was simply a delayed sequel, predicated on double aspectivity." Wabsworth knew all about this - and considered now to be the exact moment for his contribution. "We were presented as spatial things, spliced with our nuclear essence." "So where then, were our boundaries?" mused Lapinette. "There were no boundaries in that adventure," said the Wabbit, "All was fluidly sutured." "Talking of fluids," said Lapinette. "I think I can smell coffee coming." Jenny gave an enormous pirate shout and threw her shoulders back. "Splice the mainbrace!" "Splice it thrice," grinned the Wabbit.

Friday, November 10, 2017

7. Ghost Bunny and the Hellfire Club

Ghost Bunny saw them run out and down the hill. The Hellfire Club was awash with flames. "Hallowe'en is over!" she yelled; "We make it so!" Her ghostly cohorts fluttered hauntingly across the scene, quenching any remaining glitches in the temporal zone. Far below, Lapinette waved them on. Skratch the Cat leapt around like a kitten. Major Spitlove gripped Captain Jenny's tunic in terror. "Ghosts!" Wabsworth tugged one of Lapinette's ears and whispered, "No such things." The Wabbit slid to a halt, puffed a sigh of relief and chortled. "You're late, Ghost Bunny." Ghost Bunny howled with laughter. "Alas Commander, it is you that's early." "What happened to the creatures?" asked Lapinette. "Toast!" shrieked Ghost Bunny. Major Spitlove shuddered and drew close to Captain Jenny. "And where did you find your ghostly cohorts?" said Skratch. "I met them on the astral plane," giggled Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit watched the flames die down. Dust settled. The air cleared. "Do you have your radio, Wabsworth?" "No," replied Wabsworth, "I'm afraid I danced on it." "Then we can't call for transport home," sighed the Wabbit. "My cohorts will take you!" shrieked Ghost Bunny. Major Spitlove started down the hill and called back. "Nice night for a walk."

Wednesday, November 08, 2017

6. The Wabbit and the Dance Lords

Intoxicated by the bad air, they danced frantically. After a while, Lapinette became exhausted and knelt by the wall. Cries urged her on and she raised one paw in reply. Wabsworth felt his walkie talkie vibrate. At first he thought it was part of the tune, but it activated a safety circuit and he ground to a halt. "Stop the Dance, Commander!" he yelled. "I can't," replied the Wabbit. Wabsworth kicked the Wabbit's legs from under him and he sank to the floor. "Gotta dance," he murmured. "It's a trick," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit shook his head several times and hit his ear with a paw. "Still in Hallowe'en," he sighed. He looked at Lapinette, then shook her. "I was watching the funny little creatures," she murmured. The Wabbit prodded her sharply. With a look of horror, she leapt to her feet and kicked the black beast that had crawled from the wall. It vanished into a crack and the music began to fade. "There's more," yelled Skratch. He bounded across the hearth and up towards the window. "We have trouble," he meaowed. Flames crawled and crackled around the small aperture and things inside got hotter. The Wabbit heard the radio whine and he glared at Wabsworth. "Who's on radio duty?" Wabsworth took the radio and spoke into it gently. "Duty Operator? Identify." "Transmettitore Zero Dark," replied a voice. "Temporal emergency," snapped Wabsworth. "Protocol H .."

Monday, November 06, 2017

5. Jenny and the Unknown Menace

Major Spitlove crouched by the stairs. He heard music, murmuring and squeals so he clutched his axe tightly and shrank into the shadows. He didn't have to wait long. There was a burst of light as a figure launched itself from upstairs. An automatic loomed like a ship out of a mist and behind it was Captain Jenny. The gun spat three times. Each time there was a roar of anger. Jenny hit the ground with a thud and leaped into the dark. Major Spitlove peered as muzzle flashes lit a ruined hallway. He could only see amorphous shifting shapes, lapping at the walls. Rasping grated around the building like a saw on a tin roof. He heard three more shots then ducked as a bullet flew past his ears. Mortar fell on his head and dust went up his nose. "Aaaachoo," he sneezed. Jenny stepped from the gloom. "I could use a helping paw, Major." Spitlove nodded and lifted his axe. "What about the bad air?" he asked. "I'm impervious," said Jenny. She blew into the muzzle of her automatic. "Besides, I've got a cold." Spitlove hopped into the hall. "I'm on the trail of creatures who invade buildings and pose as ghosts." Jenny laughed a pirate laugh. "Fake ghosts, spooking?" Movement from the hallway made them both spin round. Jenny ejected the clip from her automatic, replaced it and fired a volley of shots. Then she shrugged. "No ghosts, no haunting .." 

Friday, November 03, 2017

4. Wabsworth and Hell on the Hill

Wabsworth was puzzled. Some time after he was copied from the Wabbit he had added a puzzlement algorithm which communicated directly with the Department. He'd never used it, not until now. He could hear vague cries of "What day is it?" from Skratch and Jenny. Then he heard shouting about anti-realism that he couldn't quite make out. He knew the rabbit with the axe quite well. It was Major Spitlove the double agent. Above him, the dome was barely discernible but it was coming down fast. Wabsworth recalled that the Wabbit liked a trick at Hallowe'en. He mulled it over super fast. "It's too baroque." he murmured. Suddenly letters span from the dome. Then a rose and a crossbones badge loomed fast towards him. "A time vortex," he breathed. He spoke into his radio but it was dead. He shook it and whacked it against a paw. Nothing. "It usually works for the Wabbit," he sulked. Spitlove was the closest. "Major! What's going on?" Major Spitlove shifted his stance, waved the axe up and down and mouthed something. It was a simple matter for Wabsworth to read his lips and he spoke the words out loud. "Bad air." Spitlove nodded his head and vanished into the building. "I'm an android, it won't affect me," thought Wabsworth. But his legs started to twitch and he wanted to dance. He jumped on his radio and it skirled with the sound of the pipes. "Hooch" yelled Wabsworth - and he hopped under the dome ..

Thursday, November 02, 2017

3. The Wabbit and the Devil's Jig

They had no option but to start the party without their pals. The old abandoned building that hosted so many abominations, came alive with hoots and hollers. "Hooch!" yelled Skratch. He sprang in the air with abandon and executed an astonishing pa de basque. Lapinette's feet flew over razor sharp blades. "Over fork over!" she chanted, again and again and again. "You started without me!" shouted a stern seafaring voice. The Wabbit binkied high and low. "You're very late," he yelled. Captain Jenny shook her head. "No, I be early." They thudded to the ground, except for Lapinette who hovered over her knives. "That can't be right," meaowed Skratch, "because midnight's long past." Jenny sniffed the air and frowned. "It's Hallowe'en!" she yelled, gripping her automatic. "Not at all," smiled the Wabbit cheerfully. "It's now All Hallows and the Saints are marching in." Jenny mimicked the sound of feet with her pirate boots and drawled, "Well they must be a long way off." Lapinette landed gracefully, picked up her weapons and threw them in the air. The Wabbit watched as they fell neatly in the folds of her frock. "That's scary," he blinked. "If it's still Hallowe'en, we're stuck in time," frowned Skratch. He looked up. Clouds of noxious gas drifted from the brickwork. Doors slammed shut. Jenny looked for a window to break, but there was only one ... high up on the roof.