Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The Wabbit and Panico's Vial

The Wabbit and Lapinette took Panico to an island in the river where no one would disturb them. The Wabbit wanted to secure Panico's vial and he gently persuaded Panico to let go. But as he grasped the vial, the cap flew off and the vial began to glow. The Wabbit couldn't help sniffing the faint puff of vapour which escaped. He felt a strange pleasantness and smiled calmly. "I don't know what all the fuss is about." Panico drew back in horror but Lapinette had seen this sort of thing before and knew the contents of the vial had gone straight to the Wabbit's ears. "What are you thinking?" she asked. The Wabbit considered. "I'm thinking of how much I know about everything." Lapinette's eyes were questions. "And what about time?" "There's seems to be an awful lot of it," shrugged the Wabbit. Lapinette silently agreed and waited patiently. Gradually the Wabbit shrank back to his normal size. "Phew," said the Wabbit. "I wouldn't like this to fall into the wrong ears." For the very first time, Lapinette saw Panico relax. "I thought your ears would grow until they poked a hole in the sky," he laughed. The Wabbit laughed too - but all the same he looked up and wondered. "Don't even think about it Wabbit," said Lapinette, "We have work to do." The Wabbit retrieved the cap and screwed the vial tightly shut. Then he tossed it back to Panico. "Aaagh!" shouted Panico. "You hang onto it," said the Wabbit. Panico was aghast. "What if the Agents of Rabit try to take it?" "Look 'em straight in the ears and drink the lot," grinned the Wabbit.

Monday, December 29, 2014

The Wabbit and the Double Agent

Hazy light filtered onto a curious scene. At the very moment that Terni the Dragon settled into the courtyard, the Coast Team arrived with a prisoner. The Wabbit was without surprise. "Oh, hello Spitlove, what's your information?" Wabsworth and Skratch concealed their puzzlement and relaxed to allow Major Spitlove to hop forward. "Agents are gathering not far from here. I have the coordinates." "Anything else?" smiled the Wabbit. "They're expecting the Big Kaboom," said Spitlove. "Good," said the Wabbit, and he turned to Terni and proffered his yellow vial with a grin. "I need a sample. I wouldn't normally ask." "This is hardly private," said Terni sternly. The Wabbit grinned again, "We'll all turn away" "What would you like then?" said Terni. "Dragon Pee Lite, Dragon Pee Medium or Dragon Pee MaxiSuper?" The Wabbit was silent. "MaxiSuper," said Terni swiftly, tucking the vial underneath his body. Everyone turned away. A hissing sound echoed round the pillars and a hot cloud of steam rose to the roof. Terni's voice held some amusement. "Please don't breathe the vapour," he roared. "There may be long term health risks." Everyone held their noses. "What shall I do now?" asked Spitlove. The Wabbit was emphatic. "Return to the Agents and advise them that Panico's vial has been lost but you know where it is." It was Major Spitlove's turn to grin. "Where?" he asked. "Make something up," said the Wabbit. "Make it convincing and report back."

Friday, December 26, 2014

The Wabbit and the Three Fates

The Wabbit looked at the yellow vial and started to think. He knew he would play a trick on the Agents of Rabit, but did not know its shape. Time stood still. In the Wabbit's mind, a stage appeared - and on it stood the Three Fates. The Wabbit knew one thing. He had better wait and listen. "Hush," they said in unison. "Passes the Wabbit this way forth?" "His thoughts are here," said Mitzy. "Then he is mostly present," said Tipsy. Fitzy nodded. "He would like to control the future." "Which is more properly our job," said Mitzy. "What is the Wabbit's job?" asked Fitzy. "To think of tricks to fool his enemies," answered Tipsy. Mitzy snorted. "That's also our job." "What did you put in the yellow vial?" asked Fitzy. Tipsy giggled. "Dragon Pee." Now they all laughed together and chanted three times one after the other. "That will do the trick!" The Wabbit listened and tried hard to hold onto the image in his mind. But his brain creaked like a rusty hinge. "Did you hear that noise?" asked Mitzy. "I fear we are discovered," said Tipsy, "so let's depart the stage." "Left or right?" said Fitzy. Tipsy looked up. "I hear the beating of dragon wings!" Mitzy smiled. "Then let us exit left and watch what happens." The scene faded and the Fates were gone. The Wabbit blinked and then looked skywards because the beating of dragon wings was still there and getting louder. "Terni!" yelled the Wabbit. "I need you for something ..."

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

The Wabbit, Panico and the Tower

The beating of dragon wings boomed across the city and Panico looked up in horror. "Aaaaagh! A dragon. I'll be burned to a crisp and my ashes will be sucked into a street cleaner." Terni the Food Dragon plunged from the sky and circled gently above the old medieval tower. The Wabbit smiled because he had engineered this meeting. "I bring you news, Panico," called Terni. "The Agents of Rabit know of your blue vial and they would do anything to get it." "What  blue vial?" asked Panico. Terni circumnavigated Torre Argentina twice, then hovered above Panico. "The one you're hiding in your fist." The Wabbit fixed his eyes on Panico and waited. "No-one must have it!" shouted Panico. "You have it," observed Lapinette. Panico's eyes swirled. "I don't have it. I hold it only." The Wabbit knew of the Agents' voracious desire for power. "If the Agents want the vial, they have good reason." Panico trembled and the vial slipped further from his fist. "If they get the vial, they can destroy us all." The Wabbit thought until Tipsy broke the silence. "The Agents are here!" "Pretend you don't see them," suggested the Wabbit. Tipsy pushed her automatic down the front of her dress and effected a valium smile. A strange look came across the Wabbit's face - a look that Lapinette knew well. "I have an idea." Lapinette furrowed her brow. "Do you have a spare vial in your fur by any chance?" The Wabbit smirked." "I do, but it's yellow. I was taking it to the health laboratory." He fished in his fur for the vial and looked at the date. "October 2005 ... "

Monday, December 22, 2014

Skratch and the Accidental Capture

Jenny joined the Coast Team just as dawn broke. Things were getting lively. An Agent who had become detached from his main unit spotted them and they had little option but to capture him. "The Wabbit said no rough stuff!" shouted Wabsworth as Skratch waved the business end of his Snazer gun. "Name, rank and number!" he yelled. The Agent scowled. "Spitlove, 666, Recluta." "I don't believe you," said Skratch and he nodded to Jenny. "I have ways of getting the truth," smiled Jenny and she advanced menacingly. Gently she placed her automatic on the ground and with the tip of her hook she tickled him gently under an armpit. "Oh no, hee hee, aaaaagh!" screamed the Agent. Then he laughed uncontrollably until small pieces of masonry fell from the pillars. Wabsworth nodded assent so Jenny tickled him under the other armpit. "We don't have numbers!" shouted the Agent. Jenny stopped tickling and waited. "You fiends!" screamed the Agent. Jenny waved her hook. "What's your real name?" The Agent growled a deep growl. "That is my real name. Major Spitlove." Wabsworth started to giggle. ""I'll report you!" said Spitlove. Wabsworth rummaged in his coat and drew out a book of forms. "Sign here, here, here and here and also down here," Skratch pushed his Snazer at Spitlove's chest. "Why are you here?" "I've been captured," said Spitlove. "Don't you get all smarty pants with me," said Skratch, "you're not the Wabbit!" "Where is the Wabbit?" asked Spitlove slyly. Skratch pricked up his ears as a deep boom sounded in the distance. "That's for us to know now - and you to find out later."
[Recluta : Private, newly admitted]

Friday, December 19, 2014

The Wabbit in the streets of Rome

The team hurtled into Rome with Panico crammed behind the cab of the truck. Lapinette drove fast because she felt that way it would look like a Christmas float - and she swerved into Via dei Corridori with tyres screeching. In order to reassure Panico, they had wedged him in with rough bits of wood they found on the beach. Panico was hardly impressed with this safety arrangement and en route from Fregene, he reminded them at every signpost he saw. "Beware blind junction!" he had yelled. "Dangerous curve ahead!" Lapinette wound up her window and turned on the radio but REM blasted the cab with "End of the world as we know it". Lapinette wound the window down. "I prefer Panico," she muttered. "Police, police! We'll be arrested," shouted Panico. Lapinette stuck her head out. "They're only having coffee, Panico!" "I think it's just the Finance Police," offered the Wabbit. There was a noisy fumbling from the back of the cab. "I didn't keep my receipts," yelled Panico. "I'll be al fresco for years." For a while calm prevailed and all that could be heard was the hissing of wheels on wet cobbled streets. "Are we going to the Department?" asked Fitzy. "That's what the Agents of Rabit want," said the Wabbit. "I choose to disappoint them with a distraction." The truck rattled through dim neighbourhoods. "Commander Wabbit?" asked Tipsy. The Wabbit nodded. "I noticed Panico holding something in his fist." "This," grinned the Wabbit, "gets better and better."
[al fresco: in Italy this means "in prison," The closest approximation might be "in the chiller".

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The Wabbit and Panico's Challenge

The team drew Panico to a quiet spot where the Wabbit aimed to sooth him, but he quickly changed his plan. "This structure is unstable!" yelled Panico. "It will collapse and bury me in the sand!" At that moment a piece of wood fell from a post and smashed at Panico's feet. The Wabbit looked at Tipsy and shrugged. So Tipsy hopped forward with an enormous smile and looked up. "I really really like you, Panico," she whispered. "Do you want to take me out for dinner?" Panico lurched backwards. "Aaaagh!" he yelled. "What will happen? It will be an awful disaster!" "Why?" asked Tipsy softly. "Food poisoning!" shouted Panico. Tipsy sighed and searched in her frock. She drew out the automatic she'd found in the Wabbit's Secret Boutique, held it up and waved it. "Help me try my new gun." "No, that looks very dangerous," screamed Panico. The Wabbit winked at Tipsy but somehow held Panico's gaze. "I'm going to try it," said Tipsy and she suddenly fired in the air. The bullet ricocheted a zig-zag path along the fence, narrowly missing Panico and Rabbit Jenny who had just arrived. Then it buried itself quietly in the sand with an apologetic plop. The Wabbit grinned broadly. "You see, Panico, we're all still here." Panico's pupils dilated and his hand trembled violently. "We're lucky we weren't killed" he said. "Oh, that was only chance," said the Wabbit. "Luck is what we have left over ... "

Monday, December 15, 2014

The Wabbit and Unexpected Trouble

The Wabbit's radio crackled and he found a quiet spot. "Receiving you, Skratch," "Break break, Pan pan," said Skratch's voice. "Roger. Priority traffic." said the Wabbit. He changed to analog short wave and switched on a reverse speech encrypter.  The radio hissed back into life. "Bandits have we," said Skratch. "Rabit of Agents by over taken Rome DWA reports Dragon the Terni." The Wabbit's head span and he switched off the encrypter with a sigh. "What did Terni see?" "Hundreds of Agents surround Rome Department of Wabbit Affairs," said Skratch. "The place is locked down. No-one gets in or out." The Wabbit thought for quite a while. "Hello?" crackled Skratch. "Wait two," said the Wabbit. Two minutes elapsed, then Skratch heard the Wabbit's voice issuing a series of instructions. "Terni will continue surveillance. Wabsworth, bring the rest of our Turin crew here on the double. Skratch. take the coast team and approach covertly. Do not engage." "What if they see us?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit stopped and thought. "Who? The Department?" "No, the Agents," said Skratch. The Wabbit's voice was terse. "Rome Department doesn't know we're on its patch. I didn't clear it." Skratch allowed himself a laugh. "Wabbit, I don't think they'll care." "Well, keep out the way anyway," sighed the Wabbit, "change your T-shirt and wear your mask back to front." "What about your end?" asked Skratch. "Did you find the creature?" "He found us," said the Wabbit.
[Break break and/or Pan pan: clear airwaves, priority transmission]

Friday, December 12, 2014

The Wabbit and Panico's Dread

Farther down the coast, the Wabbit, Lapinette and her special guard followed faint moaning sounds. "This could be him," said the Wabbit. He swung open the door of the truck and jumped out to peer into the distance. Lapinette's ears quivered. "He's coming this way." "I have visual," said Tipsy. The creature's moans whipped grains of sand into a storm. As his cries continued they grew louder and transformed into alarm then terror. The Wabbit and his team looked in amazement. "Storm coming," screamed the creature, "I'll be swept out to sea and drowned!" The Wabbit noticed lightning flashes as clouds scuttled crazily across the horizon and a strong wind ruffled his ears. The Wabbit had tuned in to the weather forecast, which clearly specified calm seas, clear skies and no precipitation. So he knew he'd found his target. He inclined slightly towards the creature and nodded as he drew closer. "You intend to eliminate me!" shouted the creature. The Wabbit shook his head but the creature's panic only grew. "Then we'll all be slaughtered." The Wabbit looked questioningly in what he felt was a reassuring manner, but the creature shrank back and his voice was ragged with fear. "They're out to get me!" "Who?" asked the Wabbit. "Now they'll come to get you too!" shrieked the creature. The Wabbit smiled. "After a while, you get used to it."

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

The Wabbit's team at the Coast

Wabsworth, Skratch the Cat and Puma waited as instructed. "Why are we here?" growled Puma. He fretted impatiently and pawed sand. A flutter of wings announced the arrival of Terni the Food Dragon and they looked up as he wheeled watchfully over deserted beach huts. "The Wabbit said to wait and keep our eyes peeled!" hissed Skratch sharply. But his neck had cricked and he hunched awkwardly. Wabsworth found his automatic was getting heavy and scowled as he shoved it in his fur. "They're taking their time," he grumbled. "So what's in the beach hut?" chirped Puma. "Supplies?" shrugged Wabsworth. "Well I'm bored," purred Puma, "shall we have a look?" "Better not," said Skratch and he thought for a minute. "I know," he murmured. "We'll play a game. I spy with my little eye .." "Something beginning with B," suggested Wabsworth. "Beach hut!" roared Puma. They all became contemplative but Puma broke the silence. "Wabbit supplies in my mind's eye, so what's in the hut?" "Something beginning with A?" offered Wabsworth. "Astrolite G?" suggested Skratch, "the Wabbit did say something about it." "It's usually safe enough," said Puma. "Under what circumstances?" asked Skratch. "Correct storage," said Puma, "such as a beach hut," "Let's relax then," said Skratch with a miaow. "What sounds can you hear?" "I can hear the gentle waves," said Wabsworth. Skratch pricked up his ears. "I can hear a truck."

Monday, December 08, 2014

The Wabbit and the Secret Boutique

In the dead of night, the Wabbit, Lapinette and her personal guard slipped unseen into Rome. Following a robust breakfast, there was urgent shopping to do. Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy decided they wanted disguises - and after they appropriated overalls from a motor dealer in Via Gregorio VII they fashioned them most fashionably. But the Wabbit insisted they visit his Secret Boutique. This lay in the basement of a concrete canyon of a shopping centre and here, the Wabbit had an arrangement to store large quantities of useful equipment. This was completely unknown to the Department of Wabbit Affairs and quietly paid through his Dinosaur Fund. Tipsy had already discovered an automatic of unknown origin and much to the delight of the Wabbit, was trying it for size. "Whatever happens this year," said the Wabbit, "we won't go short on supplies." Lapinette looked shrewdly at the Wabbit. "Please tell me there's no Astrolite G stored here." The Wabbit shook his head. "I have some out on the coast. Do you want any?" Lapinette shook her head. "I'm not planning on leaving earth's orbit this week." Fitzy , Mitzy and Tipsy poked around in every corner. "Commander. Where is this jolly dangerous creature you spoke of?" asked Mitzy, "I'm ready for anything." "He's on the Eve of Destruction," giggled Tipsy. "That's why we're here," advised the Wabbit. "He always is."

Friday, December 05, 2014

The Wabbit and Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy

The Wabbit had to meet Lapinette's personal guard and he was a little nervous. Although he had chosen them for the job, Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy were loyal to Lapinette - so in terms of rank, things were fuzzy. He approached with caution and waved a paw in greeting. "Oh it's you," said Mitzy, "I suppose you're in charge." The Wabbit grinned. "I suppose I am." Fitzy waved. "I hope you've got something interesting for us!" "Interesting and risky," replied the Wabbit. "Commander Sschr," said Tipsy and she fired a single round from an automatic. The bullet ricocheted twice, darted between the Wabbit's ears and ended its journey by breaking a window. "Tipsy!" said the Wabbit. "You haven't changed a bit." Fitzy was impatient. "What about your Museum of Enemies?" The Wabbit nodded. "It successfully flushed out our arch enemies, the Agents of Rabit." "Golly Gosh," said Fitzy. "Now we'll make them hand in their lunch vouchers." "Ground them for good," said Mitzy. "Ushe 'em as target practice," said Tipsy. Both Fitzy and Mitzy hopped forward to forcibly prevent Tipsy from taking pot shots at anything interesting. "We're going to Rome," said the Wabbit. "Because a creature is causing trouble." "What kind of trouble?" snarled Fitzy. The Wabbit's mouth tightened. "It attracts destruction." Tipsy's laugh echoed round the building. "And now it attracted us."

Wednesday, December 03, 2014

The Wabbit and the Safe House

Lapinette felt the touch of the Wabbit's paw and suddenly the Dumpsters and the street were gone. "Where are we?" she breathed. "A Safe House," said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked round. She could hear vague kitchen noises and smelled food. "Was that all a dream?" The Wabbit shook his head. "Not at all. The whole thing is very real." "All these enemies?" asked Lapinette. "It was hard to arrange," said the Wabbit." "But hardly impossible it seems," smiled Lapinette. She curled a paw round the Wabbit's because she knew he was mid-project she and wanted to be supportive. "Can you level with me now?" The Wabbit nodded in a serious manner. "I needed the Agents of Rabit in the open and their attention where I wanted it." Lapinette's eyes narrowed and the Wabbit continued. "The Agents are planning something extremely big." "So the Museum of Enemies was a distraction?" asked Lapinette. Kitchen sounds became louder and they both felt very hungry. "The Museum will open in the New Year as planned," smiled the Wabbit gently. "In the interim, I'm moving the team out." Lapinette felt a sense of excitement. "What do we need?" The Wabbit squeezed Lapinette's paw. "Is your special guard available?" Now Lapinette's smile broke into a broad grin. "Fitzy and Mitzy are, but I don't know about Tipsy." The Wabbit felt things were proceeding well. "Tell them to take the truck." Lapinette asked the question but she already knew the answer. "Take it where?" "Rome," said the Wabbit.

Monday, December 01, 2014

The Wabbit and Dublin Dumpsters

The Wabbit instructed his enemy allies to fall back and then they waited. It wasn't long before they felt turbulence from above. With banshee wails, airborne dumpsters fell like rain and set about the Roman Dumpsters with vigour. Lapinette couldn't resist a wave and she turned to the Wabbit. "Why are there two colours?" The Wabbit grinned. "The Dublin Dumpsters have two units. One will take care of unruly elements and the other will clean up all this trash afterwards." Wabsworth nodded agreeably. "Most effective. But what about them?" The Wabbit glanced up to the rooftops. Agents quickly ducked out of sight and the Wabbit scowled. "They're too early. They'll have to wait their turn." The team watched as one by one the Agents of Rabit left the rooftops. "Do you think they're going home?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded his head. "Maybe." "Perhaps they came to be in your Museum of Enemies," said Wabsworth. "I doubt that," said the Wabbit. "They'd like to put us in their Museum." Lapinette shuddered to think how that might be and her nose wrinkled. "Agents are most annoyingly persistent enemies." The Wabbit's smile was lopsided. "This whole affair is confusing them." Wabsworth was worrying about something. "What are we going to do with them?" "Nothing," said the Wabbit. "We won't disturb them if they're going home." "And if they stay?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit's teeth sparkled. "Offer them interesting bait."