Friday, November 28, 2014

The Wabbit and the Deadly Deadlock

The pursuit took the Wabbit's team of enemy allies through the city - but without warning there was deadlock as they came face to face with a phalanx of Dumpsters. A mountain of trash blocked any manoeuvre and the Wabbit scowled and stamped his foot. "I should have expected the unexpected," he muttered. He watched his allies menacing the Dumpsters and it looked like stalemate. "When in doubt, call a pow-wow," suggested Lapinette. So he called a pow-wow to order. "Do you wish to approve the minutes of the last pow-wow?" asked Wabsworth. "Move next business," sighed the Wabbit. Lapinette was staring at reflections in Wabsworth glasses. "I'd like to start with Any Other Business." The Wabbit also squinted in Wabsworth's glasses. He could see shapes way up on the rooftops and he knew what they were. All of his 28 teeth flashed grimly and his voice was steel. "The business of uninvited guests?" He fished in his fur for his walkie talkie and did something he didn't want to do. Talk to the Department. He spoke rapidly, issuing instructions. "Now patch me through!" he snapped. The pause was interminable. Finally a distant voice crackled back and the Wabbit spoke. "I'm calling in a favour." Lapinette and Wabsworth leaned close. "Never a bother," said the voice, "that's grand." The Wabbit shut off the radio, looked round at his allies and waved for them to continue. Lapinette's smile was a question. "Dublin?"

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The Wabbit's March of the Enemies

The Wabbit and his enemy allies marched through the outskirts of Turin. Lapinette and Wabsworth looked right and left, while MacDrabs pried in every corner. Beady-eyed Euls were everywhere, looking in places no-one had ever considered. The Ice Mice appointed themselves guards and took up the flanks. But Gnamskulls held centre stage - ready to pounce into any Dumpster they found. "Come on!" shouted the Wabbit and he waved a paw forward. But he muttered softly to Lapinette. "I don't see any Roman Dumpsters now." Lapinette merely blinked. "Perhaps they know we're coming." The Wabbit thought for a moment. "They're tough but they're not swift." "Then how did they get here at all?" asked Wabsworth. It was Lapinette's turn to think. "Wabbit. Did you make any environmental arrangements for your Museum of Enemies?" "Of course," said the Wabbit. "I got a very reasonable company indeed." "Located where?" asked Lapinette. "Em, Rome," confessed the Wabbit. Lapinette raised an eye. "The Cerotto Recycling Company in Malagrotta," sighed the Wabbit. Wabsworth shook his head sadly. "The Malagrotta operation was reconfigured last year." Lapinette scowled. "Wabbit, it was in Il Sole 24 ore!" The Wabbit cringed - but a sudden cry from an Ice Mouse scout let him off the hook. "Dumpsters located near Corso Svizzera." "That's close enough," said the Wabbit, clenching a paw. "Move out!"
[cerotto. Italian: band-aid, sticking plaster]

Monday, November 24, 2014

The Wabbit at the Edge of Town

It was an isolated spot and a light breeze ruffled the Wabbit's fur. "I brought them," said Marshall Duetta Spyder, "just as you requested." The Wabbit looked critically at the assembled enemies. "Why did you come here?" he yelled. "To be in your museum," said a Yellow Gnamskull. The Wabbit smiled secretly to himself and glanced back at Duetta. "What is the agreed union per diem for enemy appearances?" "€125.50 plus duly authenticated expenses," answered Duetta. "Let's round that up," said the Wabbit. "€126." The Wabbit's enemies hadn't expected to be paid so they all stared at Wabsworth until he made an official note. Two MacDrabs were so delighted they ran to each other and hugged and danced. "Attention please!" called the Wabbit. "Unofficial enemies are threatening our mutual hostility." "Get them!" shouted some enemies at the back. "What are their names?" shouted another. "They're called Dumpsters," said the Wabbit. "They are both formidable and messy." "What is their weak point?" buzzed the Wasps. "Indiscriminate appetite," replied Lapinette. The Wasps snickered. Then they pushed their heads together in a planning buzz and sang. "We're gonna chase these crazy Dumpsters out of town." "Gnamskulls," called the Wabbit. "You are in the best position to raid the Dumpsters." The Gnamskulls preeened. "So you're going Dumpster Diving," shouted the Wabbit. "Accursed be their lids," yelled the Gnamskulls. "You're on bonus," said Wabsworth.

Friday, November 21, 2014

The Wabbit and the Tricky Snack

The Wabbit shouted "Run!" so they ran as fast they could with an angry Dumpster at their tails. The Wabbit dodged through courtyards and back streets and Lapinette and Wabsworth followed him without question. But the Dumpster stuck to them like melted toffee. "Where are you going?" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit panted a few times. "Somewhere it won't follow." Wabsworth was slightly quicker than everyone else and he had time to glance around. "There's a tram stop round the corner." "What route?" asked the Wabbit. "Number 3," shouted Wabsworth. But the Wabbit was headed somewhere specific and he made a sign to Wabsworth. Up ahead they could see an abandoned burned-out truck and the Wabbit was making directly for it. The Dumpster was so enraged he could only make ghastly gulping noises. But his teeth snapped close to the Wabbit's fur. This annoyed the Wabbit and he shouted. "You're nothing but a superannuated sausage!" The Dumpster slowed and the Wabbit turned. "What do you think of my truck?" Now the Dumpster stopped dead and gazed at the wreck. "This?" he sneered. "I'm fond of my Bonnie," said the Wabbit. "I'm having her fixed up." The Dumpster leaned over and ate some fused electrics. "Not any more," he said. "Kiss goodbye to your vehicle." As the Dumpster snacked, the team crept away. Soon a tram was carrying them to the very edge of the city ...

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

The Wabbit and the Reverse Recyclers

Having evaded the Roman Dumpsters, the team made their way to a caffè. But there were more Dumpsters - they seemed to be on every corner. "Any ideas, Wabsworth?" asked the Wabbit. Wabsworth scowled. "They don't seem very interested in us. They just dump trash." The Wabbit glanced around and studied them. "They're full of unsorted garbage." Lapinette thought long and hard and her eyes looked puzzled. The Wabbit squinted and Lapinette sighed. "Rome is strict about recycling. You can get a fine." "A fine for not recycling?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette shook her head. "For putting the wrong trash in the wrong bin." "Then let's hop on over and fine the Dumpsters," laughed the Wabbit. Wabsworth looked offended by the whole thing. "I think €100 is an appropriate sum for each item." For a moment the Wabbit saw his Museum of Enemies budget take a boost. "Two hundred is better." As the Wabbit scrutinised the Dumpsters, one of them appeared to look over so he chanced calling out. "Fined a total of €800!" Suddenly there was ghastly noise, a deafening combination of grinding and chattering. Small chunks of garbage flew around and landed on the sidewalk. "Who are you?" cried the largest Dumpster. "I'm the Wabbit," said the Wabbit. The Dumpster sneered. "Give us your rubbish!" "I haven't got any," shrugged the Wabbit. A howl of delight rose from the Dumpsters. "Then we'll take you instead ..."

Monday, November 17, 2014

The Wabbit and the Dumpster Drama

The Wabbit and Lapinette headed away from the rail yard, but there on the crossing was Wabsworth. He looked somewhat sombre so the Wabbit hailed him cheerily. "Hello Wabsworth, did you spot any Dumpster Devils with teeth?" Wabsworth stared unflinchingly at the Wabbit and nowhere else. "Yes," he said. The Wabbit waited. One of Wabsworth eyes moved imperceptibly - somewhere between a blink and a wink. "Please do exactly as I say, Commander." "Is this a game, Wabsworth?" said the Wabbit. Wabsworth nodded slightly. "I am going to hop back to the sidewalk. Follow me in a nonchalant fashion." The Wabbit looked confused. "Then what?" "We will hop round the corner at reasonable speed." "What speed exactly?" said the Wabbit. Wabsworth's eyes flickered towards Lapinette. "As if we all have somewhere definite to go." "Like as if we were going for aperitivi?" suggested Lapinette. "Exactly," murmured Wabsworth. Lapinette stood gently on one of the Wabbit's feet but the Wabbit still looked confused. "So are we going for aperitivi or not?" he smiled. "Just round the corner," smiled Wabsworth urgently, "But we must make haste." "Is the caffè going to close?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette gazed into Wabsworth's glasses and suddenly saw a reflection of the scene behind her. She dug the Wabbit in the ribs and dragged him forcibly and under protest by the fur. "Aperitivi this minute, that's an order!"

Friday, November 14, 2014

The Wabbit and a Talkative Dumpster

The Wabbit met with with Lapinette and together they went to the rail station to supervise materials for the Museum of Enemies. On the way, the Wabbit apprised Lapinette on developments. It was rather hot and as trucks passed in and out, they both drank several cans of Wabbit Cola. Lapinette looked at one of the many dumpsters. "They don't look dangerous." The Wabbit's 28 teeth chattered. "Marshall Duetta was adamant that dumpsters with teeth were all over the city." Lapinette shook her ears, steadied herself and threw her Cola can at the opening. Her aim was straight and the can disappeared. There was a clang and a gulp and something that sounded like a cough. "Correct aperture," said the Dumpster. "Your recycling efforts contribute to the safety of the planet. I can therefore wish you a nice day." Lapinette turned and glared at the Wabbit. "Is this something to do with your experiments?" "Nope," said the Wabbit. "I discontinued development of my automatic recyling can." From deep inside the dumpster, the hollow voice spoke. "Have you got any more?" Lapinette leaned forward and spoke into the container. "I'm afraid that's the last." "Oh," said the Dumpster, "they were nice. Do pass this way again." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and he shrugged. So she turned back. "Maybe you can help us. We're looking for rogue dumpsters with teeth." "Devils!" cried the Dumpster. "Devils from out of town." "From where?" asked the Wabbit. "Roman dumpsters," said the Dumpster. "Treasure and trash," scowled the Wabbit.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

The Wabbit and Secret Intelligence

Leaving the castle behind, Wabsworth and the Wabbit hopped quickly for a tram - where they found not one but two surprises. Number Nine Tram was no ordinary tram and Marshall Duetta Spyder no customary spider. "Commander, I must speak with you." Duetta Spyder made a squiggly sign with one leg. "I wasn't expecting you and your android friend," said Nine the Tram, "do you need to visit the Late Tunnel, Wabbit?" The Wabbit grinned. "Maybe a little later, Nine." Duetta's silky voice cut sharply in. "This is most urgent, Commander." The Wabbit waved a squiggly wave with one paw. "Go ahead, Duetta." Duetta's legs rustled. "It's about enemies." Now it was Wabsworth's turn to make a squiggly wave. "The Wabbit's Museum of Enemies isn't open yet." "What museum?" asked Duetta. The Wabbit was beginning to regret his funding application. "A Museum of all my old enemies has been given the go-ahead." "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Commander," said Duetta. "But this is a completely new and original enemy." "I've no room," said the Wabbit. "They won't wait," replied Duetta. Wabsworth shrugged like the Wabbit. "OK, what are they like?" "It's hard to tell," said Duetta, "but they're dressed as trash dumpsters." "I've seen them," said Nine. "One disrupted my points on Corsa Svizzera. We were stuck for hours." "They're all over the city!" scowled Duetta. The Wabbit puzzled for a bit. "How do we recognise them from ordinary dumpsters?" "They have teeth," said Duetta.

Monday, November 10, 2014

The Wabbit scouts Locations

The Wabbit couldn't decide on suitable locations for his Museum of Enemies. "Old or new or both," he mused. He was wandering through the medieval castle when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. "Oh hello Wabsworth," he said, "you can help me out." Wabsworth was the Wabbit's android double and an exact copy. But beyond the point when he was made, he had his own experiences. That made for enjoyable confusion - so the Wabbit was pleased to see him. "What's new?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit smiled broadly. "Funds for my Museum of Enemies are available." "Excellent," said Wabsworth. "Your success is guaranteed." The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "Maybe. But I just don't know where to start." "I thought you already had," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit looked quizzical and Wabsworth glanced around. "I could swear I saw some enemies about - is it an installation?" "I don't like installations," said the Wabbit. "I was thinking of working models." Now it was Wabsworth's turn to look quizzical. "Where are all your enemies anyway?" "Banished mostly," sighed the Wabbit, "except for the MacDrabs. I blew them up." "Well, that looks like one over there," said Wabsworth, pointing to a shop. "I thought that was a Highland Outfitters," said the Wabbit. "They didn't have Highland Wear in Medieval Turin," replied Wabsworth. "OK," hissed the Wabbit, "pay no attention, look forward and just keep hopping." So they hopped and hopped, getting steadily quicker until the castle was far behind ...

Friday, November 07, 2014

The Wabbit and the Enemies Museum

The Wabbit had a downtime arrangement with a sleazy viewing theatre in Via Nizza, and there he met Lapinette to review his Museum of Enemies project. The Wabbit scratched his head. "I invited Renzo Piano along." "When's he coming?" said Lapinette. "He has to play another gig," chuckled the Wabbit, "but he gave me some advice."  Lapinette's voice was resigned. "He doesn't know your enemies like I do." She waved a paw at the ancient projectionist and the screen lit up. "Here are some old enemies," she said. "They'll help you decide what you want." The Wabbit narrowed his eyes until they were slits. "It could be a long corridor with enemies leering from either side." "A museum has to be a responsive space," sighed Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded. "I thought rods could come out and give electric shocks." Lapinette was horrified. "You haven't thought this out." She pondered for a while. "Does it have to be a building?" The Wabbit grinned. "No, it could be all over the place." Lapinette was on the edge of a wry comment, but nodded and waved her pointer. "Our enemies are everywhere, so why don't we put them everywhere?" "All over the city," said the Wabbit. "Working models?" suggested Lapinette. The Wabbit smiled maliciously. "With special effects." "How's the budget?" asked Lapinette. "Huge," said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked quizzical. "I thought you didn't like installations?" "I call it true life sculpture," smiled the Wabbit.  "Why have a got a bad feeling about this?" said Lapinette.

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

The Wabbit and the Forgotten Funds

The Wabbit was hanging around. He was between adventures and was moaning quietly to himself when Lapinette sprang from round a corner. "You startled me," said the Wabbit. Lapinette knew the Wabbit didn't startle easily but she smiled a cheery smile. "What about the next adventure?" The Wabbit cheered. "Did you hear anything?" "Nope," said Lapinette, "so you can relax." That was the last thing the Wabbit wanted and he made a face. "Nothing threatening the universe?" "Zilch," said Lapinette. The Wabbit tried hard not to scowl and failed. "Maybe an attack on Turin?" he said with desperation. "All quiet," said Lapinette. "Personal threats perhaps," murmured the Wabbit hopefully. "Not a sausage," said Lapinette. The Wabbit hunched miserably and Lapinette took pity. "Well ..." The Wabbit brightened. "There's news about your project." Lapinette could hear the Wabbit's brain creaking, so she continued. "The funds for your Museum have arrived." The Wabbit froze then tried to think. "The Museum of ... " Lapinette laughed. "The Museum of Enemies!" The Wabbit had quite forgotten the complex series of funding manoevres he had set in motion - primarily due to boredom. "Funds from where?" he muttered. "The Carrot Club match-funded your Dinosaur Fund," said Lapinette. Now the Wabbit was grinning and Lapinette just couldn't help asking. "Wabbit, why do you want a Museum of Enemies?" "Because they'd hate it!" laughed the Wabbit. Lapinette wore an impish grin. "Maybe they'd like it." "Even better!" yelled the Wabbit.

Monday, November 03, 2014

The Wabbit and the Devil Red Caffè

Jenny had picked the Caffè, so she arrived fashionably late - as did Skratch the Cat from the other direction. Lapinette pointed at the hat. "Why does the hat have its own seat?" "No time, here comes Skratch," hissed Lapin who was strategically positioned at the rear. Jenny laughed and sat down beside him. "Skratch! What kind of adventure did we just have?" Skratch fairly bounced. "It was a splendid reflection on the antinomies of good and evil." "Agreed" smiled Lapin. But Skratch hadn't finished. "It refused admirably to locate horror within its diegetic referents." Wabsworth shook his head and sighed. "What about the hat?" The Wabbit smirked and said nothing. "And what did you do with the secret album inside the hat?" asked Lapin. The Wabbit wore a smug look. "I removed it and hid it." "Anywhere special?" asked Jenny. "In my fur," said the Wabbit. "No-one will ever find it there." Lapinette smiled sweetly because she had already found it - and indeed played it and stealthily replaced it. "It's a good album." "How do you know?" said the Wabbit sharply. Lapinette faltered. "Oh you know - that sort of jazz thing must be nice." Skratch rescued Lapinette. "Our adventure successfully avoided becoming a musical," he stated solemnly. Lapinette thought deeply. "Maybe there's something that's opposite to music?" "That's the chord I sang in the portico," said the Wabbit. "That's why I won." "But you can't kill the devil," said Lapin, "and he has the best tunes." "That's used to be the case," said the Wabbit with triumph. "But now he's tone deaf."