3. The Wabbit and the Kelpies

They waited for the kelpies and sure enough they came. It wasn't as dark as they expected, and they could see every pore in the flanks of the sea horses. "I'll away out and meet them," said Nessie. With the Wabbit hanging round his neck, he plunged through the lake. "Ho Kelpies," he cried. The Kelpies were sinewy and made not a splash as they carved through the water. "Have you brought us prey, Nessie? Our sweeping is nearly done." The Wabbit shuddered. "This isnae prey lads, this is ma wee friend the Wabbit. He'll find ye prey such as you've never seen." The Wabbit grinned weakly. The Kelpies were huge, and they snorted and snickered and neighed. "We're a little peckish." The way they spoke together was uncanny. "Would you like to climb on our backs," they said in unison. "I don't think so," said the Wabbit, "but I know some enemies that would be foolish enough to do it." One kelpie laughed. "We'll see your enemies in hell." The other laughed too. "We won't be prayin for them. They won't be preying for us." He giggled at his own pun. "Meet you tomorrow at the midnight hour when the trees rise up and the water is black," nodded the Wabbit. The Kelpies grunted and groaned and vanished beneath the water. Nessie turned to the Wabbit. "Hiv ye goat any enemies handy?" The Wabbit shrugged. "I think I can scare some up."

[Kelpies by a countryman of mine - David Connelly. Kelpies]

2. The Wabbit and the Lost Lake

The Wabbit stared and stared as out of a lake came a prehistoric monster. This one he knew as Nessie, but he was hardly expecting him. "Och laddie, whit are ye daein' here?" The Wabbit grinned. "More to the point Nessie, what are you doing here?" The water frothed around his fearsome head. "Am on my holidays." The Wabbit expected nothing less. "Where are we?" Nessie drew himself up to his full height. "Its a natural reserve on the Tiber, sonny. Tevere Farfa. There a wee tunnel no one knows. Would you like a lecture?" The Wabbit shrugged and declined. Nessie continued. "Ah came here for some peace an quiet awa from all the Scottish havering." The Wabbit shrugged. "What are you doing at then end of my tube?" "Whit tube?" The Wabbit looked behind him. There was no sign of tube, shopping centre, traffic or anything else. "Maybe you're part of the legend, sonny?" Nessie shook water from his jaws. But the Wabbit was interested. "Legend?" "Sometimes on a dark and moonless night," said Nessie, "the great cry of the Kelpie can be heard." The Wabbit nodded. "They sweep the surface clean," continued Nessie, "and then they bathe in the crystal clear waters with their prey." The Wabbit laughed. "Have you seen them?" Nessie growled. "Aye, but no for long. They eat their prey and disappear beneath the water." The Wabbit raised an eyebrow. "Is that it?" Nessie shuddered. "Except for the farting." 

1. The Wabbit and the Shopping Tube

The Wabbit was taking a walk through a shopping centre he didn't know, when he spotted a strange tube. He investigated and found it was designed for children to plunge down three floors. There were no children around. Most found it far too scary and they'd decamped to the phone shop. The Wabbit wondered if he could try it. He looked to right and left, put a euro in the slot and poised himself at the top. He looked down, shrugged his shoulders and took off. It was hot and the steel took some of his fur off. But he whizzed down, twirling as he went. He got quicker and quicker and saw the bottom coming up fast. There was a whirl of shops. He couldn't stop. He span, rotated and gyrated towards them, then through them. Shoppers leaped out of the way as the Wabbit tumbled in the middle of displays. A manager shot out from a doorway. "Stop, stop!" he cried. But the Wabbit could do nothing. It was as if an invisible force propelled him onward. He mouthed apologies as he went. He saw a window and there was little else he could do. He hunched a shoulder towards it and with a grunt and a splinter he shot through the glass. For a moment there was traffic. But this gave way to a watery, pastoral scene of unusual dimensions. "What the binky is this?" said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit & his Famous Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit gathered the rest of the team at Testaccio. It was hot. Seriously hot. No-one knew which way to look. The waiter was writing things on the blackboard, bleached by the heat of the scorching sun. The very air felt singed. Skratch leaped from the depth of a nearby bush. "It's hot hot hot," he meaowed. "Never mind that," said the Wabbit. "Tell us what kind of adventure we just had." Skratch paused. "Then get me a drink." The Wabbit gestured behind him. "The waiter is busy." Wabsworth called to the waiter. "Creatures dying of thirst here." His voice carried all his android authority. "Arrivo," smiled the waiter, "I was just writing special half-price offer on Prosecco," He went into the bar. "It was an odd adventure, filled with symbolic meaning." Lapinette raised a paw. "Museums offer a discourse about the past." Wabsworth agreed, He knew little about the past, being an android, so he said so. "I see it as a social construct, modified by the view of the observer." The Wabbit laughed. "Then history is what we make it." Skratch screeched. "History lies in the paws of the state and is much modified to suit the ruling class of the time." They all nodded. "But it resists change and will bite the bum of people who try." He looked to his right and noticed the waiter arriving with drinks. "And no prosecco is the curse of the working cat." Then despite the heat, they laughed until they dropped.

4. The Wabbit and the Alarmed Exit

As Lapinette turned to look upstairs, an unknown force carried them to their next destination. "Maybe this is the end of our journey?" she said. She jumped in the air. So did the Wabbit. He danced an impromptu version of a highland fling. "This is the Museo Centrale Montemartini, and this is the exit!" Lapinette laughed. "I think we can get out of here, but it's Monday. The Museum is closed." The Wabbit continued dancing. "And exits are alarmed." Lapinette decided to dance too and pirouetted. "We can dance our way out." They danced for a while, but the door refused to open. "It was a long shot," sang the Wabbit. "Just a pot shot," replied Lapinette. They settled down and thought of a plan. "I could just kick the panic bolt and then we could hop it," grinned the Wabbit. Lapinette considered it. "Mmm, the police will come." She shook her head. "But they don't usually. And we could be long, long gone." They danced again. "Which way would we go?" asked the Wabbit. "You decide," laughed Lapinette. The Wabbit flung his arms in the air. "Up to the old gasworks and get lost in the old abandoned industrial archaeology." "Sounds like a plan," nodded Lapinette, "You first." The Wabbit kicked down on the panic bolt and pushed. The alarm went off. Police sirens wailed. They looked at each other and smiled. Then they did what rabbits do best. They ran. They hopped over walls and barriers. They tore across rubble. They swam across a small reservoir until they reached the old gasometer. They looked behind them. There was nobody. "I see a bar," shrugged the Wabbit. 

3. The Wabbit and the Meeters-Greeters

The pair were propelled at great speed to a stairway they knew quite well. This was the ethnographic museum and three figures looked at them in a gloomy fashion. "We are the Meeters-Greeters," said the bearded one. "Greetings to meet you," said another. "Welcome greetables," said another. The Wabbit thought they could look cheerier. Lapinette had a go. "Shall I tell you a joke?" The figures shook with mirth, but their expressions didn't change. "Did you hear about the general election?" The Wabbit was doing his best. "We have seen many," responded Topster. "Too many," said Tipster. "Nothing to laugh," said Tapster. The Wabbit changed the subject. "There's lots of beauty in this museum." "Gives me an art attack," said Topster. "Ha ha," laughed Tipster without smiling. They shuffled round. "There's an exhibition about the history of the wheel," said Tapster. "Quite revolutionary," said Tipster. "What do you call a fossil that turns up late?" said Topster. "Lazy bones," shrugged Tipster. Lapinette had heard quite enough and said so. She gestured behind her. "What's up stairs?" The three figures pointed. "A big step for civilisation," said Topster. Then they laughed and laughed and laughed. 

2. The Wabbit and the Gibble-Goblins

Followed by Lapinette, the Wabbit stepped out of the installation. Light and lines were gone. They were in another museum altogether. "What the Binky?" exclaimed the Wabbit. "This is a movie museum," gasped Lapinette. They hopped along a narrow platform, looking right to left. "Gibble-gobble, Gibble-gobble," said a figure. It looked like a goblin. The Wabbit stopped in his tracks. "Gibble-gobble yourself" The goblin thrust its beak out. "Don't tell Harry." The Wabbit looked at Lapinette. "What on earth is this fellow talking about." Lapinette pouted. "I think that's the wrong movie, Wabbit, ask Skratch the Cat." Like lightning, a multitude of goblins appeared. All gibble-gobbled wildly. The Wabbit put his paws over his ears. "Someone stop them. They're all saying the same thing. It sounds like the general election." Lapinette put her paws on her hips. "What's your policy on lady's toilets and gender?" The goblins were unanimous. "Gibble-gobble, Gibble-gobble!" they cried in unison. "Self-determination?" asked the Wabbit. "Gibble-gibble gabble," said the goblins. "Climate change?" queried Lapinette. "Gribble grobble groo," shouted the goblins. "That seems clear enough," said the Wabbit. "What about free drinks for all the workers?" The goblins all rushed for the door. "We didn't say for you," sighed Lapinette.

1. The Wabbit in the Art Installation

Lapinette had told him not to go in because she knew it would make him dizzy. This, he ignored. He strode into the installation like John Wayne. But he'd only gone a few hops when he was seized with giddiness. "Aargh," he cried. He lurched from the left to the right and back again. He looked up, but that did no good at all. He looked for a point of reference, but none were available. At last he placed a paw on something that seemed stable. He heard Lapinette's voice. "Are you in there, Wabbit?" He tentatively turned. He heard her say, "Are you all right?" He saw Lapinette emerge out of nowhere. "I'm absolutely fine," he said. "Never better." He slowly made his way along the surface. "I'll come and get you," said Lapinette. "No need," said the Wabbit with confidence. He let go of the surface and staggered round in circles for some time. Lapinette watched with amusement. The Wabbit located another surface and sat down. Lapinette hopped boldly forward with no trouble and took up a seat beside him. "I'm not keen on installations," he murmured. "This is by Esther Stocker, from the future," said Lapinette. "Oh really," nodded the Wabbit, "then that's OK." Lapinette put her paws on her hips. "Abandon your ways of seeing and understanding associated with recognition of forms!" The Wabbit stumbled towards the door. "I will - after I have an aperitivo."

[Installation, Esther Stocker. 2004. AR/GE Kunst Galerie Museum Bozen, Bolzano, Italy]

The Wabbit at his Birthday Caffè

The team gathered at an unusual venue. It was the Concert Hall Caffè where the Wabbit was celebrating his birthday. "Happy Birthday Wabbit!" yelled Skratch. He'd only just made it in time. The Wabbit smiled. It was a relief to see him. "How old are you now? asked Lapinette. "A secret never to be revealed," grinned the Wabbit. "You may be old," said Wabsworth," but you don't carrot all." Skratch snickered long and hard. "In the Flatlands we don't show any signs of ageing." They all laughed. "Look over there," said Wabsworth, "Someone's taking a photograph." The Wabbit shrugged. "We won't charge him a copyright fee." They giggled and slapped the Wabbit on the back. "We're forgetting to ask what kind of adventure we just had." Skratch screeched a bit. "AI doesn't know anything about stories, it's not a person." Lapinette stood up. She was anxious to get to her seat early. "There is no self-consciousness there," she said, "It just parrots off what it scraped from the Internet." Wabsworth stood up too. He was in the mood for Beethoven. "Self-consciousness is overrated." Skratch thought for only a second. He was already on his feet anyway. "AI doesn't understand jokes!" A cry went up from the other concert goers. They had been eavesdropping. "Three cheers for the birthday Wabbit and his team, and their jokes," shouted the photographer. The Wabbit turned and gave him a thumbs up. "You're paying for the drinks afterwards!"

4. The Wabbit and the Bloody Rabbit

It was all over and they made their way from the museum. "I think AI is a crock of Schmidt." The Wabbit could be merciless in his criticism. Lapinette laughed. "Surely you mean a sack of grit?" They both giggled. That was when it happened. A vampire rabbit stormed down the stairs and vomited blood over them. The Wabbit expressed annoyance. His coat had just come out of the dry cleaners. Lapinette was wearing her favourite frock and she let forth a stream of swear words that were less than polite. The rabbit laughed and coughed up more gore. "I'm real, I'm real," he yelled, "I'm the best that AI can offer." The Wabbit said something under his breath. "I heard that!" The rabbit vampire span and shattered, then coalesced. "I'm a rootin', tootin', ton of fun!" The Wabbit turned and stood his ground. "You've no self-awareness, you have no clue who you are." "You're in a fit of twin pique." responded the rabbit. "You think you're funny," yelled the Wabbit. "Funnier than you!" The vampire rabbit coughed up more blood. "Watch my kilt!" roared Lapinette. "Well plaid," retorted the rabbit. Lapinette turned purple and made for the rabbit, but he began to fade. They heard a whisper. "I'm an AI rabbit." Then nothing. The Wabbit shrugged and joked. "I need a drink. What do you think our AI friend will have?" Lapinette jumped up and down. "He'll choose what everyone else is having."  

3. The Wabbit and the Poorly Staged AI.

As the Wabbit came round he had a flash of clarity. This wasn't real. The ferocious rabbit was merely an artificially generated image and not a very good one. He could see the ragged edges. The gun was far from accurate. His teeth looked like they'd seen better days. He was making a lot of noise, but the sounds were the flash bang wallop of an impoverished circus. Nonetheless, the Wabbit decided to go along with it, just to see what would happen. But he hadn't reckoned with Lovely Lapinette. She came dashing from the back rooms of the museum and grabbed the gun. "Leave my Wabbit alone, you brute!" The gun bent like butter. Lapinette continued her attack. Her paws flailed. The Wabbit tried to stop her. "It's artificial intelligence," he yelled. "It's harmless." Lapinette's eyes gleamed. "I'll tear its fur off and use it to stuff cushions." The AI rabbit was taking a pasting. He stopped in his tracks. "I give up," he croaked, "call off your dogs." Lapinette thumped him in the eye. "Don't you call me a dog you artificial hogwashery." The AI rabbit shrank back and turned away. He hopped a feeble hop and hid whimpering behind a generator. The Wabbit shrugged. "I don't think the technology is there yet." Lapinette calmed down. "Where did he come from?" The Wabbit grinned. "A bad B movie?" "Stands for Blithering Bore," snapped Lapinette.

2. The Wabbit and the Creature of Gloom

The Wabbit floated semiconscious, just above the grid of the platform. He could smell engine oil from the big power generators - and something else. It was the palpable smell of evil. He blinked and tried to come round. Then he saw it. It was a monstrous sight, a creature with slavering jaws. Electric prods nestled between the creature's feet. It came closer. Its jaws clashed as they opened and closed. Teeth rattled; a tongue rasped. Eyes glared red, as bloodshot as three nights on the tiles. Fangs moved all around the Wabbit's head. But the Wabbit realised one thing. The fangs came close but never really touched him. He asked himself if it were a fantasy, but he could feel the rush of its fetid breath, hear the crackling of electrodes. He twisted. There was movement there. Whatever electrical anaesthetic had plunged him into a trance was wearing off. He tried to touch a lever on the big generator but it was just out of reach. His voice was a mere croak, but it was something. The creature came ever closer and sniffed him. It stank. The Wabbit tried not to flinch. He didn't move - except for his grasping paw. It was a hairsbreadth away from the lever. The creature turned and tried to stop him but the Wabbit gripped the lever and pressed down. Everything went dark. The Wabbit hit the floor and picked himself up. His eyes grew accustomed to the gloom. He looked all around. The creature had gone for now, but its rancid smell hung in the air like dead flesh. The Wabbit slapped a paw on his forehead. "Haven't seen the last of him!"

1. The Wabbit in the Electric Museum

The Wabbit hopped around Centrale Montemartini Museum. He was a familiar figure there. Most people he met, nodded and said hello. He paused by a ladder that led to the top of a power unit. The area had been roped off but the Wabbit paid no attention. "I wonder if anything's changed?" he mused. Things were certainly cleaner than usual. "I wonder if they're expecting anyone?" He leaned on a step and looked from side to side. There was no-one around. He mounted the first step. A voice rang out. "Visitors to the museum who are residents of Rome are reminded to renew their pass." The Wabbit smiled. "Nothing to do with me." He'd had his pass for some time. It allowed him entrance to most museums and as for the rest, he could usually blag his way past the desk with some story or other. He looked up to the top but when he saw a strange creature, he hid away to the side. "I don't think that's supposed to be there." There was always a chance it was part of an installation. The Wabbit disliked installations. He took another look, but it had disappeared. "A figment of my fertile imagination," he chortled, and he continued up the ladder. No sooner was he on the first platform, when he saw the creature behind him. It advanced on him with two sharp metal prods. The Wabbit tried to avoid them but it was hopeless. He felt a surge of electricity and fell helpless onto a metal grid ... 

The Wabbit and his Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit was delighted to be back in Fregene, even though it was blowing a gale. He felt quite at ease. His ears bent back and his fur frizzled in the salty wind. Lapinette looked spick and span, exactly as normal. They spied Wabsworth looming into sight with Skratch in tow. Being an android, Wabsworth adapted himself to the weather. Skratch's feet sank into the sand. "This used to be a Caffè until the wind got it!" The wind caught Lapinette's laughter and threw it along the beach. "I'm sure they'll build a new one." Wabsworth enjoyed the sand and kicked it a bit. Skratch found sand heavy going. "What was that for a sort of adventure?" asked the Wabbit. Skratch started muttering about sociotopes. "Robots are synthesized signifiers referring to multi extra-textual domains," he meaowed. "OK," said the Wabbit, "But where does that get us?" Lapinette smiled sweetly. "It's a version of the monster, like Frankenstein's creature." Wabsworth chipped in quickly. "Which is a version of the Other. A dialogue with self-identity." Lapinette waved a paw. "And invariably they're associated with the scientist behind them - a more evil maniac. In this case you, Wabbit." The Wabbit shrugged. "No-one's perfect." Skratch sniffed the air. "I can smell food and aperitivos from further along the beach." Lapinette pirouetted - but not without difficulty in the sand. "In this case, Skratch is perfect." 

5. The Wabbit and the Binary Window

The Wabbit and Lapinette were somewhat pleased with the way the adventure had worked out. Wabsworth had taken over responsibility for anything remotely concerned with AI and Robotics, much to the relief of Lapinette. The were hopping along Via Roma when they heard a voice. "Hello Commander!" The Wabbit turned to see a ferocious robot rabbit in a shop window. Then the voice repeated. "Hello Commander." Another voice chipped in. "What are you up to today?" The Wabbit was about to answer but Lapinette shushed him and shook her head. The messages repeated, albeit a little differently. "What are you up to Commander and Lapinette?" Lapinette giggled. "They're toys." The Wabbit looked askance. "You could have fooled me." Lapinette grinned and pirouetted. "Wabsworth must be pulling in a tidy profit for our Dinosaur Fund. The Wabbit brightened. "Pleased to hear it!" All the same he put a paw in his fur and felt for a remote control. The first Robot rabbit growled and broke a window. It placed a paw on the street and said, "0100100101100100011010010110111101110100." The Wabbit scowled. "I don't like its attitude. Shall we go for a drink?" Then paw in paw they strolled off to Via Gramsci.

4. The Wabbit in the Shopping Centre

Acting on information received, the team hurried to a shopping centre where a giant robot rabbit was at large and menacing shoppers. They headed to the second floor and there it was, talking to a woman who didn't seem dismayed at all. "You're one of these artificial rabbits," she said. "I'm scary," the rabbit replied. Its eyes flashed red. The woman shook her head. "You've been told to be scary, and that cuts no ice with me." Wabsworth arrived with his paws aloft. "Stop," he shouted. Lapinette grabbed the rabbit from behind and pulled. The Wabbit advanced waving both paws and a hastily printed instruction manual. The woman glanced at Wabsworth. "You're a real android version of the Wabbit," she said. "Anyone can see that." The Wabbit threw his manual and Wabsworth caught it. He flicked the pages quickly, then switched a button under the robot's head. "Glad to oblige, Madam," It was a firm and authoritative voice he'd adapted from television. "This robot will trouble you no longer." Shoppers passed to right and left, but they thought it was a stunt and laughed. The rabbit groaned to a standstill. "I'm destined to be nought but a children's toy." His mechanical voice faded. The Wabbit saluted the woman and gave his most diplomatic smile. "Please say nothing of this," requested Lapinette. "It never happened," smiled the woman, "I'll roll it round to the toy store." Wabsworth passed her the manual, nudged her and grinned. "They'll need this!"

3. The Wabbit and a Technical Matter

The day had turned an electric yellow when the Wabbit caught up with Wabsworth. He spotted him from behind a van and ran to catch up. Lapinette went the other way. "Wabsworth," they shouted in unison. Wabsworth turned looking bemused. "I was just accepting an order from that van driver." He tapped his clipboard. "He was supposed to arrive at 3 pm." The Wabbit knew it was only five past and shrugged. "You look stressed," said Wabsworth. "It's a matter of artificial intelligence," said Lapinette. "It's not what it's cracked up to be," grinned Wabsworth. For an android, he had a dry sense of humour. "A project got out of paw." The Wabbit looked crestfallen, "and robots are running amuck in the city." "These would be the ones I saw on the bus," commented Wabsworth. He looked at the bus stop. "They were telling stories and entertaining passengers." Lapinette waved her paws. "They're dangerous." Wabsworth looked at his clipboard again. The Wabbit knew his android double didn't need a clipboard. Wabsworth smiled. "They're not configured properly. Artificial Intelligence is the biggest scam ever perpetrated on an unsuspecting public. You have to tell robots exactly what to do - then they do it." The Wabbit gave Wabsworth a look. "What about you?" Wabsworth shrugged just like the Wabbit. "I tell myself what to do. I'm the thinking man's android." Lapinette groaned and slapped her forehead with her paw. "Just tell us what to do about these robots." Wabsworth paused. "Did you write instructions....?"  The Wabbit nodded. "I did start but it was too much manual labour."

2. The Wabbit and the Bus Incident

Things quietened. The Wabbit shut down his program and they made their way home. But halfway along Via Gregorio VII, they met with a chaotic scene. A bus had come to a sudden standstill in the middle of the road, and it looked like the driver had long since fled. Two robots battled, stamping and scuttling. A robot rabbit, much the same as the Wabbit designed, chased a giant spider. The Wabbit jumped on the bus and tried to control the robots. But despite much jabbing of controls, it wouldn't respond. Lapinette climbed to a nearby balcony and took aim with an automatic. Bullets zipped across the street but had no effect. Lapinette shouted to the Wabbit. "What's going on?" Ambulance sirens wailed their way down the central reservation. The Wabbit shrugged. "It must have spawned." He jumped from the bus. The robot took no notice. The spider turned and shot streams of metallic venom at the robot. The robot flicked them off as if they were nothing more than insects. "I'm not sure what to do," said the Wabbit, "They're not under my control." Lapinette gave up firing bullets. With a sudden movement the robots stopped, turned and jumped on another bus to the centre. The Wabbit shrugged again. "Let the carabinieri sort it out. In the meantime, I'll talk to Wabsworth." Lapinette jumped down. "He ought to know." The Wabbit grinned. "It was his idea."

1. The Wabbit and the Robot Rabbit

Lapinette rounded a corner in Rome and spotted the Wabbit running from a ferocious Rabbit. "Need a helping paw?" Lapinette hung from the lamp post, because the Wabbit had been working in his shed and he was grinning. "Stop Robot!" The giant rabbit froze. The Wabbit laughed and laughed. "What do you think, Lapinette? I've been experimenting with Artificial Intelligence." Lapinette spluttered with mirth. "It looks like something I've seen before." The Wabbit shrugged. "AI is in its infancy. I don't expect much." Lapinette looked the rabbit up and down. "It needs a bit of work in the ferocity department, if that's what you want." The Wabbit surveyed the rabbit too. "Every time I asked for a rabbit, the computer produced chubby faced creatures that would be at home on a baby's play pen." Lapinette dropped from the lamp post. "Maybe a vampire rabbit like the ones in Wallace and Gromit?" The Wabbit considered it. "I think they were werewolf type rabbits." Lapinette danced around the robot. "Maybe he does look ferocious. But the eyes should be red." The Wabbit played with his remote. The robot's eyes glowed red. "That's better," smiled Lapinette, "Does it speak?" "I most certainly do," said the robot. "Very convincing!" murmured Lapinette. "I didn't programme that," grimaced the Wabbit. The robot's head slowly turned. "I programed that myself," it growled.

[The featured robot is created using artificial intelligence]

The Wabbit's famous Adventure Caffè

The team gathered in a caffè near a cinema they knew well. The Cinema was named Stardust Village, which they felt was truly appropriate. Skratch was late as usual, and he stared at himself in the mirror. "What gives, Skratch?" said the Wabbit. Skratch spoke but continued to stare. "I'm looking at my image in the mirror - or is the image looking at me?" Lapinette giggled. "You're suggesting that mirror theory is wrong headed. It really applies to cats." It was time for the Wabbit to rap the table hard. "That spot is bewitched. Only theory can break the spell." Wabsworth raised a paw. "Then it's here that we'll break it." Skratch meaowed hard and long. "All texts are haunted I'd say. We are all hopeless victims of the ruling ideological classes." Being an android, Wabsworth had a vast knowledge of old texts and a complete collection of Cahiers du Cinema. He rapped the table himself. "A situation in which we are all quite blind." Lapinette laughed. "We do know that and therefore I'd say only part sighted." The Wabbit drew himself up. "Talking of sight, I see no wine. What's everyone having?" Skratch growled. "I'll have a Prosecco - no, Franciacorta." Wabsworth smiled. "I think my circuitry can tolerate an Aperol Spritz." "I'll join you," murmured Lapinette. "What about you, Wabbit?" "I'll have a whisky," he replied. "My goodness," yelled Lapinette, "The mirror cracked from side to side!"

[Our thanks to Paula Murphy]

7 The Wabbit and the Home Landing

The Wabbit and Lapinette spilled off the skateboard and onto the stairs in the ethnographic museum. They were roughly half a kilometre from their original position. The Wabbit glanced at the clocks. It was the same time as they left. The Wabbit winced as the whirling skateboard hit him on the back and sent him flying. Oil sprayed from the wheels and lay glistening on the marble stairs. He wiped some from his fur. "A bit liberal in your application I'd say, Wabbit." "Radical!" responded the Wabbit. Lapinette picked herself up. She glanced up the steps. "Are you sure this is the right dimension?" The Wabbit glanced up too. "Well, the Three in One got us home at exactly the right time." Lapinette smoothed her frock. "The right time - where?" The Wabbit looked downstairs this time. "I can see Skratch and Wabsworth coming." "That's reassuring," murmured Lapinette. "We'd better get this oil off the stairs," said the Wabbit, "or people will fall on their fundaments." He took a bottle of 'oil-away' from his fur and sprayed it around. He flipped the skateboard and tucked it under his elbow. "It needs more work," he declaimed. "I suggest a rigorous overhaul then hold it under lock and key." Lapinette was adamant and stood with her paws on her hips. The Wabbit turned. "Did you film any of this?" Lapinette shook her head. "Sick," moaned the Wabbit. 

6. The Wabbit and the Likely Spot

The Wabbit grinned. They were home. That's what he thought anyway. Lapinette leaned into the wind with no paws. "I've never seen Viale Pasteur so quiet." The Wabbit nodded. "It must be early in the morning." "On a Sunday," replied Lapinette. "In August," added the Wabbit. He paused. "I'm going to put her down." Lapinette jumped as they skidded along the road and landed near a curb. "The Wabbit and Lapinette. Coming to a dimension near you!" she yelled. The Wabbit flipped the board and grabbed it. Together they made their way to Caffè Palombini. "Maybe Palombini's is quiet too," suggested Lapinette. "I don't think it's ever quiet," answered the Wabbit. They rounded the corner. But Palombini's wasn't there, it was Ciampini's. "We're in the wrong dimension," scowled the Wabbit. Lapinette grinned. "We could still have a coffee." The Wabbit shrugged. "And a salad tramezzini." They sat down. Buses passed but they were the wrong colour. They swigged back their coffee and munched their sandwiches. "I think I know what to do," said the Wabbit. He lifted the skateboard and took a can of 3 in 1 from his fur. He oiled the wheel bearings. He span them round, then span them back. They left cash on the table and jumped on the deck. The Wabbit smiled. "When we hit the next dimension, get ready to bail."

5. The Three Muses and Time Together

Tipsy sprang in the air and somehow hung there. Then Fitzy, then Mitzy. Tipsy was first. "Where is the Wabbit? Is he in unpath'd waters or undream'd shores?" They all leaped and hung in the starry night. "There are worlds elsewhere!" shouted Fitzy. Mitzy was quick to reply. "And none so dark that ignorance shall come of them." Tipsy laughed a hollow laugh. "They are but a hairbreadth from our paws." They changed position and reassembled with Fitzy in the midst. "The enchanted skateboard takes the Wabbit both close and far." Mitzy took time to laugh. "Pleasure and action make the hours seem short. There is no journey like the present to be enjoyed." They hold paws and pirouette. Then chant simultaneously. "How shall we extricate the Wabbit from this untimely mess? How? How?" They raised their paws in the air. "For he wastes time and now time wastes him. Yet he is in the present still." The night crowded around them as they danced. "There is only now!" shouted Tipsy. They link together, holding paws. "If it be now tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now." Tipsy jumps high. "If it will come, tis now it will come for the Wabbit. Readiness is all and Lapinette is sure to be ready." A mist descends. They blow kisses. One by one they vanish into swirling clouds. 

4. The Wabbit and the World of Agents

The Wabbit and Lapinette soared into what looked like a cloudy sky, but it was another dimension. They looked down. The world was occupied by Agents of Rabbit. "Oh no!" exclaimed Lapinette. "They seem to have the upper paw here." The Wabbit sighed and tried to get more speed. "I don't think they'll want us messing in their dimension. "We've been spotted," cried Lapinette. The Agents looked up and shook their fists. One of them shouted. "Come down here and have a nice cup of tea. It's freshly brewed." "We can talk," shouted another. "We're lovely, lovely rabbits," yelled another. There was menace in his voice. "Got to go," said the Wabbit quietly. "Another appointment," said Lapinette. The Agents were jumping to grasp the edge of the skateboard. The Wabbit forced a bit more height, then boned it. Grasping paws flailed in the air. "I'm not sure we can keep this up without momentum from something. We need to do a gnarly." Lapinette had not the slightest notion of what he was talking about. But she knew he had to hit the ground at an angle and bounce. "The car," she yelled. She held on tight as the skateboard kickflipped from the car. They narrowly missed an Agent and heard him curse as they flew upwards. "I don't like it here," grimaced Lapinette. The Wabbit saw the air shimmering at a crossroads and he headed for the spot. There was a bang - and they vanished.

Car at Pixabay

3. The Wabbit and the Skeletal Dimension

The skateboard propelled them some distance and then the scene changed. The Wabbit was horrified. "This isn't EUR. Must be some kind of glitch." Lapinette pursed her lips. "An interdimensional glitch?" The Wabbit hopped up and down. "So keep a hold on the skateboard," he cautioned. He looked about. "This place, it's derelict. And it looks like Turin."  It had rained and the concrete glistened under an orange sky. They heard footsteps. A figure glided past them. It said nothing. Half skeleton, half muscle, it ground towards an unknown destination. "Maybe it couldn't get proper clothes in the abandoned shopping centre," observed the Wabbit. "It's a fine figure of .. something," answered Lapinette. "Perhaps there are others like it," said the Wabbit. "Perhaps they'll be more communicative," said Lapinette. The creature turned. "I am model TXY-495469. What models are you?" The Wabbit shrugged. "We are wabbits." Then he added a string of numerals so the creature wouldn't feel left out. "Wabbits 2024-uvxyz." The creature looked them in the eyes. "What is your function?" The Wabbit thought quickly. "We are the diplomatic legation from Terra..." "Terra 123," added Lapinette. "A far off dimension of which I know little," admitted the creature. Her head swivelled. "Is that your board?" The Wabbit nodded. "Your own board. You must be of extremely high status in your dimension?" Her voice was filled with awe. "Enormously," nodded Lapinette. "River deep, mountain high," quipped the Wabbit. 

Skeleton: https://pixabay.com/users/massagenerds-5254990/

2. The Wabbit and the Dimension Jump

The Wabbit went outside and hopped on the skateboard. He threw two coins on the ground. "Tethering," he said. The deck's wheels expanded to enormous proportions. Lapinette hopped on behind him. "Hold on. Don't get separated." The Wabbit's voice was firm. Lapinette did as she was told. The deck began to move. There was a shimmer. They were in the same place but it had different colours. The sky was steel grey. Buildings stood out like toys. "Where are we?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit flipped the nose. "Any one of a million different dimensions." Lapinette glanced up and down. "Can we get off?" "No," said the Wabbit. His voice was emphatic. "Not unless we investigate first." A sound like thunder split the air. They looked down. A tyrannosaurus of sorts rose from the water, spraying water across their faces. It roared like a bull of Bashan. Then a voice. "Go away, you don't belong here." The Wabbit popped the rear of his skateboard. "Just visiting." The skateboard swung round. "This is our dominion. It belongs to the Great Tyrannosaurus League. An unavailability permit is required." The creature gnashed his teeth. The Wabbit felt Lapinette touch his shoulder. "Time to jump," she whispered. The tyrannosaurus roared once more and laughed. "Try C-01538. They take all sorts there. They might give you a job." The Wabbit jumped, kickflipped and shredded off. But they heard the tyrannosaurus yell insults behind them. "What an unpleasant reptile," said Lapinette. "Bogan!" shrugged the Wabbit.

Tyrannosaurus: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/dinosaur-tyrannosaurus-animal-t-rex-6286030/ Skateboard: https://pixabay.com/users/jillrose999-16379406/

1. The Wabbit and the Big Jump

Lapinette was quietly looking out of her office window in EUR when the Wabbit flashed by. She blinked. She gasped. She wondered whether she'd imagined it. She knew the Wabbit wasn't given to sport of any kind. But he was definitely on a skateboard. And his expression of grim determination suggested he'd been practicing. She waited a while. Then she heard a loud crash and a lot of cursing. More time elapsed. The Wabbit burst through her office door wearing dusty fur and a bloody lip. Lapinette looked at him with an unforgiving expression. "You think you're a teenager?" The Wabbit hopped to the window and shrugged. "It's a project." He stared at the window and revisualised his trip. "Needs tweaking." He stood for a moment and thought. Lapinette waited. "It's interdimensional," said the Wabbit, "It takes the passenger to other dimensions on this planet." Lapinette waited even more. "It's unobtrusive," added the Wabbit, "Just in case we meet anyone who takes a dislike to us."  Lapinette grinned a sickly grin. "Who's us?" The Wabbit spread out his paws. "You and me, of course." "Who could possibly take a dislike to me?" sulked Lapinette. The Wabbit brought out his best shrug and smiled. "Will there be aperitivi?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned. "If you travel the multiverse, I hear each place has welcoming cocktails." Lapinette grinned too. "Let's go. No great story started with a salad."

The Wabbit's Famous Adventure Caffè

It was one of these days when the weather didn't know what to make of itself. The sky was gloomy yet bright. Maybe it might rain. No-one sat at the chosen caffè. People had made their minds up and the Wabbit shrugged. "Tell me. Skratch. What was that for a sort of adventure?" Skratch felt squeezed at the back. He pushed his way in. "It defies indexality," he said. "That's mysterious," Skratch," said Lapinette. She leapt in the air, as only Lapinette could. Skratch smiled. "Para indexality." Wabsworth knew what Skratch was talking about. His memory banks held all manner of esoteric stuff. "The image is not a clear index to something that is visually given. It is merely the Derridean trace of the object. It is para indexical." The Wabbit snorted. "I find that a bit antiseptic." Lapinette did another binky. "Now were talking medical indexality. I thought our story was perfectly normal. A horror-medical." He paused. "Why are we all standing here when we could be looking for a decent caffè?" Lapinette whirled. "There are no decent caffès on this drag, we need to hop a couple of blocks." She whirled again then stood still. "We can maximise its interfaciality, in reference to other blocks?" meaowed Skratch. "On their plane of immanence? I doubt it," stated Wabsworth. The Wabbit looked around and couldn't see any signs of an immanent drink. "I know a good caffè just off Via Po," he shrugged. Lapinette pirouetted once more. "So what are we waiting for?" 

8. The Wabbit and Wabphage Attack

The Wabbit emerged through a door in front of the Doppelganger's lab. He wore one his annoying smiles. Designed to distract, it had served him well in the past. He knew it would work now. Unseen, Wabsworth crept round the back bearing the payload. "Greetings Doppelganger," said the Wabbit. The Doppelganger was rattled. He snapped, "Call me by my proper name!" The Wabbit smiled a sardonic grin. "Which is?" All the beakers in the lab shook. "Commander Wabbit! I am the real one," yelled the Doppelganger. He frothed at the mouth but his paws held on to the index bag of blood. Wabsworth crept into position. With a hypodermic, he drew the manufactured bacteria from the flask and hopped forward. He could hear the Wabbit taunting the Doppelganger - so he sensed his chance. He hopped forward and plunged the needle into the bag. He had the element of surprise. With time left, he withdrew more fluid and jabbed the doppelganger. The Wabphage ingredients worked almost immediately. The blood in the bag modified as it began to consume itself. Then the Doppelganger's DNA warped - and the reaction was fast. His body convulsed in pain. He grabbed at tubes. His skin changed colour as he crumpled. Pale faced, he lay gasping on the floor. With his last breath he cursed the Wabbit. "This is not the end. I'll be back!" 

Background elements:  Pixabay; Blood Bags Flask

7. Lapinette and the Blood Spatter

Lapinette was keeping a close eye on the Doppelganger. He was messy as usual and spattered a lot of blood on the workshop window. He sang the while. "Bloody blood, so much bloody blood." Nevertheless, his work looked like it would succeed. He was singing a song about blood. Lapinette's ears pricked up as she paid attention. "Platelets, redlets, whitelets, clotlets. Round and round they're on a spree. Soon we'll have an army, an army an army. Soon we'll have an army, one two three." He gathered up a blood bag and rocked it like a baby. "He's singing to it," gasped Lapinette, "He's mad as a bag of bees." Lapinette felt a buzz in the air. It got louder and louder. It reached a crescendo then died. She inched backwards and out of sight. "Hurry up Wabbit," she shouted. "It's all happening." The building shook. Blood seemed to seep from the walls. Wabsworth and the Wabbit snuck round the back. Wooden beams fell. They held on because everything was shaking. Lights flickered. The metallic smell of blood grew more intense. They could hear the doppelganger singing. It was faintly out of tune and seemed to come and go. Lapinette heard the Wabbit and Wabsworth muttering. Then the Wabbit shouted, "Now!"

[Background and blood graphics at Pixabay]

6. Wabsworth and the Emergency Vehicle

Wabsworth loaded the supply of bio-engineered blood into a vehicle he'd borrowed from the pool at short notice. Then he'd scribbled a note and jumped in. The Wabbit had specified a silent approach so he didn't use the sirens. But he switched on the blue lights and piled through the city like a cheetah on steroids. People scattered. An entire troop of scouts jumped for safety and a jeep full of soldiers took fright and ran. The road to Eur was usually busy but it cleared as he put his foot down. He took a corner on two wheels then turned into the bunker and dropped down the stairs. Strictly speaking, the stairway didn't have the width for a vehicle that size, but Wabsworth squeezed along the concrete canyon and screeched to a halt outside a fortified barrier. The Wabbit's head popped out. "I know I said silent, Wabsworth, but I meant discreet! Anyway, let's have it." Wabsworth held up a canister. "Best I can do at short notice, Commander." The Wabbit looked impressed. Lapinette emerged and she looked impressed too. "The doppelganger is in there with his fakery," she said. "Are we ready to go?" Wabsworth opened his door and jumped down. "I need to get my kit out the back." The back was full of medical paraphernalia. Wabsworth emerged with flasks and tubes and wearing a grim face. "What do you call a scientist who expresses a non self antigen?" No-one said anything. They just shook their heads. "Humoraly Immune!"

5. Wabsworth and the Bacteria Simulation

Wabsworth got to work immediately. He'd learned all there was to know from various medical sites on the web - as far as he could determine. And just for fun he popped inside the simulation to make the last adjustments. Bacteria swam around his head like giant creatures from the deep and he watched them. "The motor, the hook and the filament," mused Wabsworth. He smiled and tinkered a bit with his representational tools, one of which was a Swiss army knife. He planned to introduce a retrovirus which, when activated, would not only destroy the virus populations of the doppelganger's blood - but move to destroy itself. Wabsworth knew he was on the edge of legality. The Department had outlawed such procedures in case of a spread to all rabbits - and eventually all populations would suffer. He grinned. There was no-one quite like an android to do this work. He felt like Frankenstein's monster. He sang. "Blasticidin, Puromycin, Gentamicin, Zeocin, Let's call the whole thing off!" He pondered upon the introduction of de-mortalisation, then decided against. "Can't have that," he murmured. He scattered a few knockout cells to be on the safe side. "Can't risk creating an uncontrollable monster," he said aloud. He decided he was finished. It was time to transport the completed bacteria to its host. He thought about the Wabbit and his gene pool. "I hope I have his divided attention." He flicked a mental switch and then he was staring at his computer. He chuckled. "I need to speak to Human Resources."

[Background image: bacteria at Pixabay]

4. The Wabbit and the Peep Hole

Lapinette squinted through a peephole then rapidly withdrew her eye. "I told you so." The Wabbit gave the shattered glass a sideways glance. "It looks like a blood bank." The Wabbit's doppelganger was busy hanging up pouches and although he seemed to look up, they knew he couldn't see anything. "Now do you believe me?" The Wabbit had never disbelieved Lapinette. He knew far better than that. They watched the Wabbit's doppelganger connect new tubes. Blood gurgled through. A blood red forest of tubes swayed as he moved. "What's his game?" murmured the Wabbit. Lapinette watched some more. "I think he wants to set in motion an army of fake Wabbits, which will obey his every command." The Wabbit nodded. "To do what?" Lapinette looked pensive. "To discredit you and the Department?" The Wabbit laughed. "That won't be hard." There was a crash from the other room as the Doppelganger brought in a fresh tank of blood and manoeuvred it into position. Some spilled. A metallic scent hung in the air. "He's not very efficient," observed the Wabbit. "what do we do now?" Lapinette was quick to respond. "I think Wabsworth might know." The Wabbit fished in his fur for his radio and pressed a button. "He's on his way." "Stealth approach," advised Lapinette. "He's an android, so I taught him to socially distance," quipped the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Duplicitous Double

Unbeknown to each other, both the Wabbit and Lapinette were on the trail of the doppelganger. It was at the old abandoned bunker their paths crossed, and they could see the doppelganger at some kind of devilish work. "Which Wabbit are you?" whispered Lapinette. She tapped the Wabbit on the shoulder. "I'm me, of course," groaned the Wabbit. "But how do I know?" asked Lapinette. "I was sizing this place up for a new shed," answered the Wabbit. "Working with who?" said Lapinette in a hushed voice. "Wabsworth!" scowled the Wabbit. "OK," agreed Lapinette. She nodded and smiled. They both watched the intruder. "What's he doing?" They continued to watch. "He's messing with the electrics." said the Wabbit. "With blood?" exclaimed Lapinette. "Spooky," groaned the Wabbit." "Maybe he's trying to generate plasma," suggested Lapinette. "To become the real me?" The Wabbit felt seedy. "He could try," said Lapinette, "did you miss any blood recently?" The Wabbit thought. Cold from the unheated bunker settled around his shoulders and spooked him even more. "I gave blood to the Department. For Overseas Development." They both considered the matter. "It was on its way to the State of Wabbitania. Maybe it was hijacked and stored here." Lapinette was thoughtful. "This bunker was never ever used," she said. "And no-one comes here," added the Wabbit. "Perfect," nodded Lapinette. "That was exactly in my vein of thinking." 

2. Lapinette and the Walrus Spoke

Lapinette had gone to Natural History Museum to help. But when she got there, they wouldn't let her in. "We're closed," they said. "Go away." Lapinette as furious at such rudeness. "I’ve been sent by the Department," said Lapinette. "Don't care!" came the reply. "Then you're fired." Lapinette's tone was unmistakeable. She turned and looked over her shoulder at the retreating figures. "Don't care was made to care," she added and went on her way. Everything was a shambles. Nothing was in order, jumbled together like an old junk shop. "It's like the eighteenth century here," murmured Lapinette. "You're telling me," said a voice. It came from a big toothed walrus and he seemed upset. "They just collected me and shoved me in a room without regard to genus or even species." He looked around at various birds and antelopes. "See what I mean." Lapinette was upset too. "No wonder the Department sent me. I have to clean up." The walrus shrugged. "It will take you hundreds of years." Lapinette sighed and sat down. That was when she spotted what looked like a familiar figure. But he didn't look quite normal. "Wabbit?" The Walrus shook his head. "He's not real, he's a doppelganger." Lapinette slapped a paw to her forehead. "Don't attract his attention," said the walrus, " He's supposed to bring bad luck." Lapinette felt in her frock for her automatic. "I've met him before." The walrus was horrified. "I weep for you, I deeply sympathise ...."

1. The Wabbit and the Stairway Copy

The Wabbit climbed the stairs with caution. They looked moody and dangerous. "These stairs have more than a touch of menace," he thought. He was in a museum dedicated to the development of coins, a subject in which he had more than a passing interest. His Dinosaur Fund regularly made purchases of coins and sold them on to discerning buyers. Some of the coins were stashed in a secret location known only to the Wabbit, to be brought out on special occasions. This was one of these places. It was out on the edge of town and surrounded by so many roads that only a few people knew how to get there. His paws were rather sore from polishing coins. His head ached from looking at small writing. So he clumped the stairs and grumbled at each step. On this occasion he felt he was being followed by a shadowy figure. He glanced behind him, but every time he looked there was nothing there. Just once he caught a flash in the corner of his eye. A glimpse of blue glasses. He turned to face downstairs. then quickly turned back. This time he caught sight of a figure that looked just like him. It whispered. "We meet again Commander." Then it vanished. The Wabbit shrugged. "We do, so we do." He continued up the stairs and thought about the last time this happened. "I left you on the rail track in Veneto," he said to himself. He thought he'd seen the last of him. "Looks like double trouble," he murmured.  

The Wabbit at his Adventure Caffè.

The team was in the process of assembling at a Caffè in Via Gregorio VII. It was a bright day and the sun carved harsh patterns in the sidewalk. Lapinette came flying out the Caffè door. "I just ordered Proseccos all round!" The Wabbit scraped his chair with a lot of noise. "Good!" he replied. Are you upset?" asked Lapinette. "I didn't know you were inside, we may have ordered twice." Lapinette giggled. "We'd just have to drink twice as quickly." The Wabbit brightened immediately. Skratch came into sight. "Hello everyone. "What was that for a sort of adventure?" Wabsworth appeared at the side and threw in his opinion. "It was an intervisual dialogue. A hybrid of forms." Skratch smiled. "Joussance!" Lapinette pulled a face. "Roland Barthes?" Skratch pulled another face. "I was thinking of Lacan." The Wabbit grinned so much you could hear it,. "The slippy-slidyness of the text." Lapinette frowned. "You're thinking of glissement." The Wabbit stopped grinning then started again. "That's glissement." This was followed by a long silence, interrupted by Wabsworth. "The French don't have a word for that!" Skratch meaowed long and hard. "Your joke routine is improving, Wabsworth." The Wabbit sat back. "Where's this double drink coming from?" Lapinette looked round. "I think I accidentally locked the door."  The Wabbit could see their drinks on the counter. "Life and prosecco are very similar," He paused and looked around, then delivered his punchline. "You have to chill for best results." Everyone groaned.

6. The Wabbit, Lapinette and Last Drinks

The Wabbit and Lapinette turned to find themselves at a cocktail bar. A voice said that they'd been a lot of fun, and they should help yourselves. They shrugged. The Wabbit sorted through the whisky and found an Auchentoshan. "This is my local whisky and just a short hop from my home in Scotland." Lapinette made herself a cocktail. "I just like the blue colour." They sipped. "Delicious," said the Wabbit. "Exquisite," said Lapinette. The Wabbit looked around. "Where's Sebby?" Lapinette shrugged. "He's looking for a painting to be in." The Wabbit grinned. "I'm sure he'll find something to his satisfaction." They both laughed. Lapinette considered. "We seem to be pre-empting the Adventure Caffe." "We'd be stupid not to," said the Wabbit. He savoured his whisky. "It tastes of honey and dandelions." He sipped again. "And wellington boots." They set down their drinks and did a little dance. "I didn't know you knew the waltz." smiled Lapinette. "I happen to be a bronze medallist," answered the Wabbit. "You didn't get the gold?" queried Lapinette. "I fell over my coat," admitted the Wabbit, "but I landed on my back and twirled my partner round like an ice skater." Lapinette paused because she knew there would be a punch line. "I got points for improvisation," laughed the Wabbit. 

5. The Wabbit and the Smoke Eater.

It was only the Wabbit who was drawn into the picture. Sebby the Hat and Lapinette were pushed rudely to the side, but he found himself face to face with a woman with a direct stare. She was a smoke eater. The Wabbit knew this from twenties movies. His head was whirling. He heard a voice in his head telling him she had more curves than Passo Pordoi and the right number of navigable slopes. She fixed him with a steely gaze. "If you're some kind of forty niner, Mr Rabbit, I can inform you I'm no tomato." She threw him a look that was meant to make him roll over with his paws in the air. She sounded as half cut as her hair. His head twirled the other way. Another voice came into his head. He twisted his mouth into a wry smile and heard himself say, "You might be the cat's pyjamas, but I'm the big cheese. You won't get a handcuff from me unless you got plenty of hush money." A puff from her cigarette enveloped his head in a cloud of smoke. The smell of her breath was peaty, like an Islay whisky distillery. She looked closely at the Wabbit. "You're old father time," she breathed. "I think I'll sit this one out." She was fading from view. The Wabbit fell from the picture like a brick and into Lapinette's outstretched paws. She whispered in his ears. "Did you like the lines I gave you?" The Wabbit considered. "As much as chalk and cheese." "But did you like her?" she murmured. The Wabbit shrugged. "Like applause at the end of a show or ... a like on Facebook."

4. The Wabbits in a Work of Art

They all began to twirl and were ever so gradually sucked into a painting. "Where are we?" yelled Lapinette. She hung in the air being eyed up by a well-dressed gentleman who should have known better.  "It's when are we? About 1920 something!" shouted the Wabbit. He looked down at himself. "I'm only half in!" he yelled. A woman looked down at him. "I don't like rabbits," she stated. She was a sniffy sort and she pushed him from the painting. "We have all the fur we need and it's certainly not rabbit." But the gentleman with a rose in his lapel was more than happy. "Now you're a pretty little thing," he said to Lapinette, "What's your name?" Lapinette was almost at a loss for words but recovered quickly. "Trixie Beaujolais at your service," she simpered. Sebby made a bee line for the other gentleman. "Good Sir. You require a nice hat," he quipped. "Be off with you, rough Garibaldini," retorted the gentleman. "Perhaps you'd prefer a rose," said Lapinette. As sweet and sticky as honey, her voice trickled down on the fur. His eyes gleamed and he stretched out a hand. He was stuck to the rose and dangerously close to the fur. "Now's our chance," said the Wabbit. He unstuck himself and pulled his friends from the painting. They gazed for a second. Everyone in the painting was stuck to each other. Then the Wabbit, Lapinette and Sebby each felt a tug and a push. The Wabbit exclaimed, "Oh no, it's happening again..." 

3. The Wabbit and the Belle Epoque

The neighbourhood wasn't great on eateries and the Wabbit returned to the hotel for a snack. To his surprise, Lapinette caught up with him there and she was wearing a Garibaldini hat. He knew it was Sebby and he gulped. He ushered Lapinette into a corner. "That's Sebby!" His voice was a hoarse whisper. Wherever Sebby went there was bound to be trouble. "I know," she said. "He's just .." And just at that moment, he flew off Lapinette's head and into the air. He moved so quickly he was just a blur and the Wabbit lost sight of him. The hotel was a product of the belle epoque and the paintings were of their time. They were representations of various luminaries of the period, and the Wabbit was a little in awe of them. Even more so when they began to move. Not only did they move but they began to talk among themselves. "Who are these ghastly people?" said one in an expensive high pitched voice, which the Wabbit felt was  high fallutin. "Oh, leave them alone, they might be fun," said another more mellow fellow. The lady high up on the wall was rather amenable. She threw her rose to Lapinette who smiled and caught it. Sebby twirled and danced and as he swirled around, the Wabbit felt a strange feeling, a bit like a shove and a bit like a pull. So did Lapinette. "Come," said the lady on the wall. "Come with me." The Wabbit caught sight of a calendar with the pages flying round and round. He recognised a sinking in his tummy - and it wasn't hunger ... 

2. Lapinette and the Garibaldi Hat

Just as the Wabbit left the Hotel, Lapinette was visiting a little-known museum way across town. It was a working museum and there were still offices and staff- so Lapinette was there by kind permission of a very nice man from the Ministry. She wandered through the building. Apart from the telephones, it remained exactly as it was in the nineteen twenties and thirties, with beautiful murals, statues and artefacts. A memorial to the soldiers of the Great War, it was designed by important artists of the time and bore the embellishments of Mussolini. Lapinette gasped at the attention to detail. At the bottom of a wide staircase, she came upon a large mural dedicated to the people. But she noticed a curious detail. A Garibaldini marched alongside the rest. "Psst!" Her ears flapped and she tuned in to the sound. "Psst, Lapinette. Over here." Lapinette was amazed. It was Sebby the Hat. She sighed. "Sebby, I thought you were going to behave yourself." Sebby floated down. I did a bit of exploring and then I got stuck in here." He whirled round. "Get me out of here." He settled on Lapinette's head. "Hey!" yelled Lapinette. "It's my exit strategy," said Sebby, "Besides you look most fetching." Lapinette made for the door. Sebby whistled a marching tune and span round a few times. A member of staff held the door for her. "That hat suits you," she remarked. Lapinette laughed politely. "I can pull a rabbit out of it!" 

1.The Wabbit and the Grand Hotel Palace

The Wabbit crossed the road with a silly smile on his face. He was recalling the time he won a thousand on the Lotto. He chortled to himself. But he was in a quandary. He was frightened to buy another in case he won nothing and started a run of bad luck. That amused him further. He glanced up to the nearby hotel. It was the Grand Hotel Palace and he wondered why it had given itself two names. He laughed again because he knew it had been the Ambassador Hotel and was a relic of the Belle Epoque. "So stylish they named it twice." He mused on. He had only been in there once with Lapinette for a jazz lunch, when the place had jumped to Louis Armstrong classics and Pimento Stuffed Celery. The Wabbit loved celery and he'd had too much to eat. He rubbed his tummy and made his way to the centre along Via Veneto. It was as pleasant a winter's day as you could experience in Rome. The Wabbit adjusted his anti-matter fur for the temperature and hopped happily to a jazz standard he was playing through his built-in earphones. He wondered what his next mission would be like. He began to design one in his head, but that seldom worked because the colour and shape was never right - far less the beginning and the end. He decided to consult Lapinette, but before he could do that, he spotted something very strange indeed ...

The Wabbit's Outdoor Adventure Caffè

The team gathered outside a shop in Piazza Campo de' Fiori. It was moderately busy, and they were in a good mood. Lapinette bounded towards the Wabbit. He put his paws up half to embrace her and half to defend himself. Skratch chatted amiably to Wabsworth about the delights of foreign food. Skratch enjoyed a bit of French brie. Wabsworth was fond of baked beans. The Wabbit's voice cut through the chatter. "Tell us Skratch. What was that for a sort of Adventure?" Skratch grinned and shrugged. "On this occasion I can't really say, Wabbit." Wabsworth chipped in. "People find themselves in spaces they don't belong." The Wabbit nodded. "Yes, mostly they came from a window. Maybe it was about the window itself." Lapinette was vociferous. "The window substitutes for the gaze. And the gaze leads to visual pleasure." Skratch nearly cackled. "But what about the sheep? They had no window or pedestal and appeared from nowhere." Lapinette thought for a second. "But they bleated and flocked around." Skratch meaowed. "It was an allegory. Cicero compared sheep with the hordes of plebeians." Wabsworth laughed. "Didn't do them any good though." The Wabbit snorted. "No. Because they elected a wolf to protect them." He took his turn to shrug - he had a poor opinion of populism. He indicated the shop. "Can we get a drink here?" "No," said Wabsworth, "Unless we buy a bottle and sit by the fountain." The Wabbit giggled. "That counts as an outdoor activity." Then they laughed and laughed and laughed.