Friday, January 28, 2011

The Wabbit is sent for Analysis

As an assessment prior to his mission, the Wabbit had been sent for analysis. The Wabbit did not mind at all. It was completely normal. Yet he found himself staring down at himself from the ceiling. Although it was almost always like that, it was a most curious feeling. From behind the couch, he could hear a scratchy pen, writing things down, so the Wabbit remained quiet and reflected on his mission. "How do you feel, Wabbit?" The voice from behind the couch was kindly enough. "You're worried about how I feel," replied the Wabbit. The Wabbit couldn't help it. He was a menace in analysis.. The silence grew long and the Wabbit continued to watch himself . The more he was quiet, the more he could hear the scratchy pen, scratching. "Where are you now?" said the voice. "I am looking at myself," said the Wabbit with honesty. "And what do you see?" continued the voice. "I see a Wabbit with a bag," said the Wabbit. "What might the bag contain, I wonder," came the response. At last the Wabbit had something to say. "An emergency coin, a lighter, and a diplomatic pass and ...." The Wabbit's list was very long and the analyst stayed quiet too, for a very long time. Such a long time passed that the Wabbit looked behind him - and the analyst was asleep. The Wabbit couldn't help looking at the scratchy notes. There was a drawing of a wabbit, a shopping list and a single comment. ""My experience of the Wabbit, is that he is well capable, if occasionally annoying." The Wabbit smiled a toothsome smile, slid down from the couch and was gone. And so was his bag.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Wabbit and the Importance of a Bag

The Wabbit hopped from shop to shop until his little paws hurt and his eyes were as red as the setting sun. Having had little luck in the department store, the bag for his mission seemed to get more important with each hop. The Wabbit had passed two young women in the street and overheard their conversation. It was hard to avoid since they spoke so loudly. "I value my bag more than I value my own life," said one to the other. "Good grief," thought the Wabbit. "This is more important than I thought." But the Wabbit couldn't see anything remotely suitable and he began to despair of finding the vital bag. Then just as he was about to go home he saw a sign on a photographic store called City Cameras. The sign said "Special Bag Reductions for Small Mammals" in big red writing. The Wabbit loped in the store so quickly, he slid right past the bags and onto the feet of the shopkeeper. "Mr Shopkeeper, I need a bag and it's very, very important," panted the Wabbit. "Then it's your lucky day," said the man. "Take a look. We have a Special Offer." And there it was. Exactly the right bag. Right in front of the Wabbit. The Wabbit's heart soared so much he could hardly contain his glee. "That one, that one, that one, I want that one," he panted. And with that very bag on his back, he happily set off home.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Wabbit goes shopping in the Big Department Store

The Wabbit had gone shopping. He had found he no longer had room under his fur for the many items he would require for his mission. His fur was already bulging in an unsightly fashion that the Wabbit disliked. So the Wabbit had hopped out to find a small rucksack of a suitable size for a wabbit. But the recent message about his adversaries continued to make the Wabbit very alert indeed. So when the Wabbit arrived at the bottom of the escalator, he nearly jumped at the sight of the people with no faces. The Wabbit hopped quickly up to the mirror to see if his face was still the way it was. He peered for a while until he was satisfied that no change had taken place. His wabbit face still stared back at him. The Wabbit stuck his tongue out just to make certain. All was well. "On the other hand, " thought the Wabbit, "a change in style wouldn't hurt." The Wabbit smiled at the thought and went on his way, but he had the most uncomfortable feeling that the faceless faces were somehow watching him. "That's just paranoia," said the Wabbit to himself. And he hopped onwards in search of the Bags for Small Mammals Department.

Friday, January 21, 2011

The Wabbit and the Pizzini

The Wabbit examined the folded up paper intently. He knew what it was and he knew where it came from. The method of communication was well known to the Wabbit. It was a pizzini. Now that made the Wabbit cautious, because only secret people used a folded-up bit of paper to carry a message. Worse still, the recipient was expected to read it, decipher the secret code and then eat the pizzini in its entirety. And the Wabbit just hated the taste of newsprint. The message had come from a group of aristocratic Wabbits that lived in the Dolomite Mountains near the Swiss border. It had heard that the agents of Rabit, a rather sinister and unpleasant organisation, had not lost interest in the Wabbit. The message alerted the Wabbit to Rabit's willingness to frustrate his efforts by any means it could. The message was a Warning. The Wabbit thought for a bit. The source was impeccable. "I shall keep my wits about me," murmured the Wabbit. "I will need to be extra alert." Then just as he thought that thought, a rustling sound startled the Wabbit and he jumped at least a metre in the air. But it was only the paper uncrinkling. "Not that alert," grimaced the Wabbit. And with a single flash of his teeth, he rendered the pizzini into so much confetti. "Yuck" said the Wabbit.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Wabbit in the Misty Churchyard

It was misty the following morning and the Wabbit hopped out to the churchyard. It was his very favourite place to consider events and make decisions. The Wabbit crouched in the grass and considered his mission. Although he didn't have a detailed description, he was already making many preparations and altering his list accordingly. As he peered through the mist, he made out a figure who appeared to be running. "A jogger." thought the Wabbit and smiled, because wabbits jogged automatically. Wabbit lungs are quite small and so sometimes the Wabbit panted just as much as the joggers in his neighbourhood. "Ms Jogger ..." The Wabbit stopped because sometimes he tried to speak with too many people. Besides, the jogger was already running past at speed. Then just as the jogger was level with the Wabbit she threw a folded up piece of paper with writing on it, right in front of him. The Wabbit noticed it was folded an impossible number of times. It was a secret message! The Wabbit moved forward and carefully nudged it with bis nose. It was importantly important, that he knew. And so the Wabbit tucked it carefully under his fur. "I cannot read this message here. I must repair to a place of safety, " thought the Wabbit. "There, I will read it in comfort." And the Wabbit loped home casually as if nothing had taken place. Nothing whatsoever.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Wabbit finds the Airport Bus

The Wabbit and his companion, the woman from the bus stop, did not have too far to hop. Just around the corner was the stop the Wabbit would need for his mission journey. "That looks like a most comfortable vehicle. Thank you!" said the Wabbit. "It should save your paws from too long a hop'" said the woman. "Just stay on the bus, until it no further goes. You will be at the place of the great wing-ed buses." The Wabbit sat back on his haunches and reflected for a minute. "Yes, I have been there before so I will know when to get off." The woman smiled. "There is a big new building there that looks like a reptile." Things were always changing, thought the Wabbit. "What kind of a reptile, exactly?" Again the woman smiled. " Not quite an armadillo," she giggled. "I shall be most interested to see it," said the Wabbit. "Perhaps one day there will be a building shaped like a wabbit." Now the woman started laughing and soon the Wabbit joined her. Together they laughed and laughed and laughed until their sides hurt.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Wabbit seeks Travel Information

Through diplomatic channels, the Wabbit had heard that he would shortly be sent on a mission. As to the exact nature of the mission, the Wabbit did not know. The only thing the Wabbit knew was that it would be far, far away. As the Wabbit was hopping home, he felt it would be useful to assess his transport options. "This looks like a serviceable vehicle," thought the Wabbit. "But is it going in the right direction?" The Wabbit spoke loudly to the passenger leaving the big bus. "To where does the big bus go, my good woman?" The woman looked all around before she eventually looked down. "Hello," she said kindly. "I don't rightly know. I only know it takes me from where I used to be, to where I am now." The Wabbit thanked the woman but he needed more information. "Does it go to the place where the great wing-ed flying buses leave?" The Wabbit wondered whether he had phrased that correctly. "That is a different bus and it leaves from a different place. I will show you if you like," said the woman. And no-one saw them both disappear as they hopped off together.

Monday, January 17, 2011

The Wabbit and the Sitting Duck

Following his interesting discussion with the Cat Upstairs, the Wabbit had been reading Sun Tzu's Strategy for Wabbits. So now he knew he should gather information and know his territory. The Wabbit had thought about it and he had decided this was importantly important for the Wabbit. So the Wabbit hopped a little further than he normally would. The day was damp and the walkers and the shoppers and the tourists were huddling in corners. They were so uncomfortable they never noticed the Wabbit. "Today it's my job to notice things," said the Wabbit, to no-one in particular. At that very moment he spotted the duck. Now the Wabbit knew it was a false duck, but how had it arrived there? Had it floated there from the nearby toy shop? Had it been thrown from a pram by a disgruntled child? The Wabbit decided it was a sign and he made a mental note. "This duck is far from its natural habitat. Unable to cope it has come to a standstill. Now it's a Sitting Duck!" The Wabbit chuckled and looking around to see if anyone had noticed, he addressed the duck. "Hey Duck, you could have been a contender. But now, you're all washed up." The Wabbit smiled grimly and suddenly vanished, leaving only the faint trace of his 28 teeth.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Wabbit discusses time management with the Cat Upstairs

The Wabbit had gone for a confidential talk with Cat who lived Upstairs. "Cat Upstairs," said the Wabbit. "I want to talk to you about time management. I have much to do and little time to do it in." The Wabbit flinched, because he did not like ending a sentence with a preposition, especially when talking to the Cat Upstairs. "I have this rather nice clock, a time piece if you will," responded the cat. The Wabbit was a little confused about how that helped exactly but he pressed on. "So if your day is filled with things on a list, what then?" The Cat Upstairs snorted. My list is simple but extensive - nap, sleep, slumber, snooze, doze ... and sometimes I have to fit in a siesta, so to speak." The Wabbit found this discussion quite intriguing. "And the clock ...?" prompted the Wabbit. "If I had no timepiece," said the Cat Upstairs, "... how would I know when to finish a nap and begin a snooze." The Wabbit decided it was time to go and hopped back downstairs.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Wabbit and what the Wabbit knew

The Wabbit was back in his neighbourhood. And he knew that sooner or later he would run into some obstruction or other. The Wabbit also knew this particular obstruction meant that the festive season was over. "I had a good break and now obstructions don't mean so much to me," thought the Wabbit, "with the possible exception of snow." Anyway, the Wabbit had too many things of too much importance on his list for old Christmas trees. And besides, he had to admit that he kind of liked the smell of the pine needles. So the Wabbit realised he knew a lot of things that made life easier for the Wabbit. He could just hop on his merry way, because the most important thing the Wabbit knew was that he was a natural born wabbit. The Wabbit knew he always mistook the words of one of his favourite songs but he sang them anyway as he hopped over the branches. He sang them at the top of his wabbit voice. You make me feel/ you make me feel/ like a natural born .... wabbit.

Sunday, January 09, 2011

The Wabbit has a Homecoming Moment

When the Wabbit opened his eyes, he was in a familiar place. It was the Big Shopping Centre. The Wabbit was back. And there was something else that was familiar. He was staring at himself on a computer. The Wabbit knew this was all part of a plan, because the writing was all about the Wabbit and his list. The list was importantly important. Of that the Wabbit was well aware. He must hop his path. The Wabbit decided to talk to the man in the shop, because by his demeanour, he seemed anxious to help. "Man in shop!," said the Wabbit. "Would you furnish me with one of these smart computers, that I might expedite my list the quicker." Travelling clearly made the Wabbit talk in a very odd manner indeed. The Wabbit continued. " Will you deliver it on your bike?" The man could only nod. "Excellent," said the Wabbit and vanished. The Wabbit had gone home.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

The Wabbit spots his Ticket Home

The Wabbit liked the Piazza Navona, so it was no surprise when he arrived there automatically. And so sooner had he arrived than he spotted the Giant. This was no coincidence, thought the Wabbit. The Wabbit did not believe in coincidences. "Well, you took your time, Wabbit," said the Giant. The Wabbit smiled to himself and jumped closer. "Make room in your fur, Wabbit. Here is your emergency coin, your lighter, your documents and a diplomatic pass." The Giant hardly looked the Wabbit's way since he had much work with the children . The Wabbit took no offence, because now the Wabbit knew he would be returned, without further ado. "Grazie mille, Signor Gigante. Arrivederci," murmured the Wabbit. And he closed his eyes tightly and thought of home ...

Friday, January 07, 2011

The Wabbit speaks with his friend, Antiquicat

The Wabbit was puffing and panting as he screeched to a halt in Largo di Torre, Argentina, where his friend, Antiquicat, had care-taking duties. "Question, question, question Antiquicat," puffed the Wabbit. "Should I relocate to Rome? What's it like to live here?" The cat looked at the Wabbit in a critical but affectionate manner. "Stress out, Wabbit. What's the rush? I have been here many years and this place I look after is two thousand years old, give or take a hundred or four." The Wabbit paused and sat quietly. And the more he sat quietly, the quieter he became. Perhaps he had acted hastily. "You mean it will be just the same, when I return?" "Yes Wabbit, more or less. And you have your path to hop. Many things on your list remain outstanding, don't you agree?" It was true, thought the Wabbit. Everything the cat said was true. There were things to do, things that were importantly important. They could not be left on a whim. "I'll have once last look around and be on my way then, " said the Wabbit. And dodging bits of dried cat food, he hopped past the tourists. Antiquicat watched the Wabbit until, eventually, he disappeared out of sight somewhere along Via Corso Vittorio Emanuele II.

Thursday, January 06, 2011

The Wabbit considers the Road Ahead

The Wabbit had been delayed. Owing to the detection of his emergency lighter, the Wabbit had not successfully passed security. So he had to stay a little longer. He did not mind and he gazed at the road ahead. "I wonder," thought the Wabbit, "what it would be like to stay around here." He considered the merits. There were excellent salad sandwiches, efficient and amicable treatment in eating places and plenty of new streets to explore. There seemed to be, all in all, good wabbit facilities and a pleasant enough atmosphere. But the Wabbit had work to do. He knew his list wouldn't go away just because he relocated. He wondered if he could get a second opinion and since now he had some time, the Wabbit loped off in the direction of the arrow. He could lope very fast indeed if in the mood. The day was sunny, and the Wabbit took to the bus lane. It wasn't very long before the Wabbit picked up speed and was whizzing along. The Wabbit was just a streak of lightning and so no-one saw him go - only a single motorcyclist on a red Ducati. The motorcyclist merely inclined his head very slightly. And so did the Wabbit.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

The Wabbit reviews his Year

The Wabbit felt the need to think over the events of the previous year. That called for a strong beverage, which the Wabbit had duly arranged. And what a year 2010 had been for the Wabbit! The Wabbit had met many new friends. He had safely survived the perils of the balcony. He had conquered rain and leaves and snow. He had been given a lift in a chocolate car. He had battled wabbit exclusion and been invited to contribute to wabbit affairs on the European Committee of Experts. He had taken part in the Great Wabbit Homecoming. And what about his rescue of an oppressed wabbit and his subsequent and abrupt dismissal of the sinister agents of Rabit? Then he recalled he had successfully negotiated the special launch of Lagomorph Lager. And, somewhat to his embarrassment, he had been sung about by young musicians. After all that, the gifts of the Giantess and his well-deserved holiday was merely icing on the cake. All the same, there were many outstanding items on his list. And the list only got longer. “I will have to put my list on the list!” The Wabbit chuckled. And so did the waiter behind him.

Saturday, January 01, 2011

The Wabbit and the New Year Roman Candle

The Wabbit returned to his lodgings, hoping his secret stash had been delivered promptly and in time for midnight. And there they were. Roman candles. He read the strangely-written instructions which said “Light the blue touch paper and run away very quickly”. With one eye on the clock, he flicked his emergency lighter and then the Wabbit turned and ran like the fastest wabbit in the land. Zig-zag, zig-zag went the Wabbit and then he leapt onto a handy ledge. For what seemed like an age, nothing particular happened and the Wabbit hopped from one leg to another impatiently. He was certainly not going to investigate. Not the Wabbit. Then came a splattering and then a hissing and then a rumbling ... and then there was the most enormous kaboom, which startled the Wabbit and he jumped into the air at least a metre. Sparks flew everywhere as the Roman Candle threw sparks in many directions. “Good grief! I should have expected that really,” thought the Wabbit. Then he smelled a strange smell. He had singed his fur. Just a tiny little bit. “I shouldn’t be allowed,” murmured the Wabbit with a mischievous grin. “I just shouldn’t be allowed at all.”

The Wabbit makes tracks for New Year fun

It didn’t take the cart-wheeling Wabbit long to reach wherever he was going. Only the Wabbit knew where he was going. Well, for the most part, he knew. But sometimes he just followed his wabbit nose. The Wabbit loved New Year. It was his very favourite day of the whole year and he was searching out a nice district where there might be celebration and song and ... fireworks. Now generally speaking, wabbits do not like fireworks, but the Wabbit was no ordinary wabbit. When the Wabbit saw or heard fireworks his eyes gleamed mischievously and his paw itched and groped for his emergency lighter. Only a very few wabbits knew of the existence of this specialised item, nestling in the Wabbit's fur. “Roman Candles,” thought the Wabbit, “ since I am in the very place for them.” And the Wabbit allowed himself a snicker through his teeth.” I shall find a place to hang out and wait to see what happens. This is going to be the best New Year a wabbit could possibly wish for!” And the Wabbit hopped towards the welcoming light of a cafe, with a song in his head and hope in his heart.

The Wabbit receives an important Message

The Wabbit was minding his own business when suddenly he knew he could feel eyes boring into the back of his head. So quick as a flash the Wabbit turned around. It was a squirrel in a window. “I am the Squirrel in the Window,” said the squirrel, superfluously. And he rapped the window three times with his paw to make his point. “Indeed,” said the Wabbit. The squirrel continued. “I have a message from the Chief Wabbit of Galloway.” Now the Wabbit was surprised, and he prided himself on not being surprised. “What is the substance of the message,” said the Wabbit who could be pompous if startled. “Chief Wabbit says don’t forget it’s Hogmanay. The start of the New Year is nearly here.” “Thank you squirrel,” said the Wabbit, slightly ashamed of his poor manners. “Thank you very much. I must proceed forthwith. Forgive me for what you are about to see.” And then the Wabbit binkied high in the air and when he landed, not too far away, he started to cartwheel and as he did he shouted “Hogmanay” at the top of his voice. And the Wabbit got faster and faster and faster. Soon, the squirrel lost sight of the Wabbit and he smiled as he shook his head. “Silly Wabbit,” said the squirrel.