Monday, September 29, 2014

The Wabbit and the Abandoned Tower

Lapinette and the Wabbit surveyed the tower. It was on the edge of town near a shopping centre and a few workshops. The place was quiet except for a traffic drone from a nearby eight road intersection. There, the noise never seemed to stop and eventually no one could really hear it. Lapinette didn't know what to say. "You bought this?" she sighed. "I did," said the Wabbit with enthusiasm. "It was a bargain." Lapinette's ears swayed slightly. "Where did you get the money?" The Wabbit's laugh was somewhere between a guffaw and a giggle. "The Dinosaur Fund." "I thought it was nearly empty," said Lapinette. "Not any more," said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked sceptical but the Wabbit was gleeful. "I routed what was left through Curaçao, then a little known parish council in rural England." Lapinette nodded and the Wabbit continued. "Then it went to a merchant bank in Frankfurt where it was washed and spin dried." Lapinette sighed again. "Finally it popped up here much bigger than it was when it started." "And you bought the tower," groaned Lapinette. "In a manner of speaking," said the Wabbit. "In return for agreeing it should be a bird sanctuary, I got it for a euro." Lapinette heard a faint cooing from the top of the tower and looked up to see Parakalo, the Dove. Then her head tilted to the side and she stared. "You know it's leaning." The Wabbit was ecstatic. "I think that means it's listed."

Friday, September 26, 2014

The Wabbit's Reverse Homing Dove

When he saw Parakalo the Dove the Wabbit screeched to a sudden halt. "We're heading for the ferry!" he shouted. "And home," added Lapinette. "Did we forget anything?" asked the Wabbit. "No," said Parakalo. "I wanted to say something." Lapinette and the Wabbit looked at Parakalo with affectionate eyes. "I had a very exciting time," he warbled. Wabbit nodded cheerfully. "So did we!" "I enjoyed it a lot!" added Parakalo. "Us too!" said Lapinette. Parakalo cooed three times. "I would like to continue." "Nothing to stop you," smiled the Wabbit. "With you," said Parakalo. Lapinette answered first. "You'd like to come with us?" "I'd like to have adventures with you," cooed Parakalo. The Wabbit pretended to look grave. "I'm afraid we wouldn't be able to pay you very much." "You mean yes!" cried Parakalo and he spread his wings wide. "I'll see you in Turin." In an instant he wheeled and shot into the air. Lapinette and the Wabbit looked up but Parakalo was a mere dot in the sky. They watched until the dot disappeared, then Lapinette turned to the Wabbit. "Where's the Department going to put him?" The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth and gunned the throttle. "Aerial espionage?" "Better radio Wabsworth," said Lapinette. "Why?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette smiled sweetly. "To find accommodation, of course." The Wabbit wore a sinister smirk. "The old abandoned tower will do."  "I didn't know there was one," sighed Lapinette. "I've got the Tower," sang the Wabbit.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

The Wabbit's Greek Adventure Caffè

Still a little dazed, the Wabbit, Lapinette and Parakalo the Dove adjourned to a caffè in a nearby village. They were about to order aperitivi when Skratch and Jenny appeared from a field. "We found you at last," said Skratch. "We've been looking all over," said Jenny. "It was a sair trachle," said Stone. The Wabbit looked up. "Skratch! How's married life?" Skratch looked at Jenny and Jenny looked back. "What are you talking about?" asked Skratch. "You got married," said Lapinette, "and Robot officiated." "How long have you been drinking here?" said Skratch. "It's the heat," suggested Jenny. Lapinette glanced sharply at the Wabbit. "I told you these creatures were dangerous!" Parakalo cooed for a long time. "Who's that?" asked Skratch. "Parakalo," said the Wabbit. "Pleased to meet you," said Skratch. "Parakalo," said Parakalo. The Wabbit hastily changed the subject. "Well? What was that for a sort of adventure?" Jenny laughed. "It looks like hallucinatory realism!" Skratch purred at Jenny with admiration. "It appeared to have a dream-analogous authenticity." "It was both concrete and believable," offered Parakalo. He suddenly cooed in a three part call and started gathering twigs. Skratch had been puzzling. "Perhaps the wedding aesthetically enhanced reality." The Wabbit tried to clear his head. "Are you getting married or not?" "Yes," said Skratch. "Nearly," said Jenny. "That's close enough," said Lapinette
[A sair trachle: (Scottish dialect) To drag one's self onwards when fatigued,] 

Monday, September 22, 2014

The Wabbit and the Issue of Nothing

Lapinette and the Wabbit took cover behind an old farm building as the light creatures sailed around in formation. "What's happening?" yelled the Wabbit. "The Quantum Parabolas are merging!" shouted Lapinette. "Stay clear!" "But they're made of nothing!" The Wabbit was exasperated, "How can nothing merge?" Lapinette shouted back really hard because the sound of the dancing Parabolas was piercing and yet somehow it didn't exist. Her ears tingled. "Nothing isn't really nothing!" she screamed, "in the quantum universe nothing is always something!" Now the Wabbit had a clue and his ears bent back and his fur crawled. "Everything that can happen, does happen," whistled Parakalo. The sound cut through like crystal and the Wabbit found time to shrug. "Why does it always happen to me?" he murmured. Lapinette shook her head because she knew that things did happen to the Wabbit. She felt he was a magnet for dubious phenomena and occasionally pointed it out. "No wonder you can't have a holiday!" she pouted. The Wabbit was feeling strange. "Yes, we must go on holiday,"  he yelled. Lapinette was beginning to feel most peculiar. "We're going on Friday," she said. "What day is today?" asked the Wabbit in a dazed voice. Parakalo was feeling strange too. "The day before yesterday," he cooed. Suddenly the Parabolas became one enormous entity and with a curious liquid plop, faded until there was nothing. "Nothing comes of nothing," said the Wabbit.

Friday, September 19, 2014

The Wabbit, Lapinette and Nothing

Suddenly they were there. Light creatures floated around the dovecote and went inside. But they kept coming. More and more creatures appeared until the sky was thick with gold. "If we're going to do it," said the Wabbit, "it had better be now." They turned and ran. Without taking aim, Lapinette fired casually over her shoulder and tracer rounds poured from her automatic in a single stream. "Yikes," yelled the Wabbit, "what happens next?" "You rabbits are good fun," trilled Parakalo. His wings beat so fast that whistling noises echoed around the rocks. "The light creatures will be caught in a crossfire," shouted Lapinette. "They'll disappear," "Didn't you say they were made of nothing?" panted the Wabbit. "Exactly." said Lapinette. "Nothing is exactly what we're doing." The Wabbit looked bamboozled, but quickened his pace. "Supposing something does happen?" Lapinette started to bound. "We could all be thrust into an alternate universe." "Filled with nothing," added Parakalo. "You catch on fast," observed the Wabbit, who hadn't the slightest clue. He started to bound too and with each bound he wished he hadn't missed his quantum mechanics class, having instead gone to the library to read Jean Paul Sartre. "What do you prefer?" he bellowed, "being or nothingness?" "I think I prefer to be Lapinette," shouted Lapinette.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Wabbit and the Solar Plan

With a specially built dovecote and a few items garnered from a small yard in Volax that only Parakalo knew about, the Wabbit and Lapinette surveyed their handiwork. "Do you think it will work?" smiled the Wabbit. "Oh ye of little faith," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit was already mouthing Lapinette's reply but he glanced away in case of trouble. "Do you have a name for it?" he asked. "SunSol" said Lapinette. "Sounds like orange juice," said the Wabbit. "You'll be juice in a minute," laughed Lapinette. Parakalo cooed softly and his wings made a whirring sound. "Here they come," he said. The Wabbit looked into the sky and screwed up his eyes. "They took the bait," he murmured. "Just as planned," said Lapinette. "They aren't awfully bright," commented the Wabbit. Lapinette squinted into a corner of a cloud. "I said they were dangerous, I didn't mention brains." The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "They won't like it when they go Kaboom." "They're made of Nothing," said Lapinette. "They've got nothing to go Kaboom with." "No Kaboom?" sighed the Wabbit. Lapinette smiled a smile that the Wabbit found particularly sinister. "If things go wrong Wabbit, it's us that will go Kaboom!" Parakalo made a short coo, followed by two longer ones. "They're getting closer." Lapinette took out her automatic. "What's that for?" asked the Wabbit. "Consider it my remote control," said Lapinette.

Monday, September 15, 2014

The Wabbit & the Fantastic Wedding

They gathered at the church and assembled into a traditional group. Robot adopted a special voice, which he had learned from recorded ceremonies and commenced with gusto. "Dearly beloved," he intoned. "We are gathered to join this rabbit and this cat in matrimony." The Wabbit looked with wonder. "Is there anyone here," said Robot solemnly, "who knows of any cause or impediment why these two may not be joined together?" The Wabbit looked across at Lapinette and flinched as she shot him a warning glance. Robot raised his metallic voice. "If ye do, confess it!" Silence fell apart from the faint cooing of Parakalo the Dove. Robot continued. "Skratch, wilt thou have this rabbit as your wedded wife, forsaking all others as long as ye both shall live?" Skratch gulped and murmured, "I will." Speak up Skratch," whispered the Wabbit. "I will!" yelled Skratch so loudly that mortar fell from the wall. "Jenny," said Robot softly, "Wilt thou have this cat as thy wedded husband?" "Why not?" replied Jenny. Lapinette prodded her fiercely in the back. "I will," said Jenny. Robot turned. "Who giveth this rabbit to be married to this cat?" "That's me!" said the Wabbit and he rummaged for the spare ring he had stored in his fur. Robot turned to Skratch then to Jenny. "Hold paws and plight thy troth." Everyone sighed with relief - but there was a strange sound from the rear and they all looked round. "Weddings mak me greet." sniffled Stone.
[Greet. Scottish dialect: Cry]

Friday, September 12, 2014

The Wabbit and the Happy Couple

The moment the Wabbit and Lapinette reached Tinos Town, they ran into Skratch and Jenny. "Ah, there you are!" said the Wabbit. "I've got a bit of work for you." Skratch stepped back. "Wabbit, I'm obliged to ensure you take a rest." The Wabbit grinned. "It's only some annoying Light Creatures." "They're double dangerous!" yelled Lapinette. "Nothing we can't handle," said the Wabbit. "What's that bird?" asked Jenny suddenly. "Parakalo," said Parakalo the Dove. "Parakalo in what sense?" queried Skratch. "Look, we've been through this already," said the Wabbit, "we just need a few supplies." "So do we - we're getting married," said Jenny. "What?" yelled Lapinette and the Wabbit together. "It's all arranged," said Skratch, "and you're giving Jenny away." "Who's your best man then?" asked the Wabbit. "You," said Jenny. The Wabbit gasped in astonishment. "I seem to be doing a lot of things." "What am I doing?" asked Lapinette. "Bridesmaid," said Jenny. It was Lapinette's turn to gasp. "I've nothing to wear," she sighed. The Wabbit shook his head. "And where is the ceremony?" "Panagia Evangelistria," nodded Skratch. "You have been busy," commented the Wabbit - with more than a hint of sarcasm. But Lapinette smiled benignly. "All right, who's officiating at the wedding?" "Robot arrives on the next ferry," said Skratch. "That's suitably secular," grinned the Wabbit, who was warming to the idea. Skratch purred with delight, "He's been working on a spiritual sub routine!"
[Our Lady of Tinos (Panagia Evangelistria: Literally, the All-Holy Bringer of Good News) ]

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

The Wabbit and Essential Supplies

The Wabbit twisted the steering wheel and tried to let the jeep soak up the road. "You could try slowing down a bit, Wabbit," said Lapinette, "I doubt if the Light Creatures are going anywhere." "Make haste while the sun shines," said the Wabbit. Lapinette winced but refused to be drawn. Parakalo broke in. "In this neck of the island," he cooed, "the sun invariably shines." "All the more reason for speed," laughed the Wabbit. Lapinette held on as the jeep's wheels lifted, but it clung to the bend nonetheless. The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "What do we need for the job?" Lapinette reeled off a list of impossible to obtain items, "Six photoluminescent wafers." "OK," said the Wabbit. "A molecular beam epitaxer," "Right," said the Wabbit. "... and an interband electro-optical absorber." Lapinette thought for a minute. "Where do we find them?" "Tinos does have a hardware shop you know," cooed Parakalo. "It's not that far from Athens." Lapinette looked sceptical. "We may have to compromise," suggested the Wabbit. Lapinette’s shoulders slumped. "What do you suggest?" "Six torches," said the Wabbit. "Anything else?" sighed Lapinette. "Five second hand solar panels," shrugged the Wabbit. "And then ... ?" asked  Lapinette. "Ten salvaged computer fans." said the Wabbit, "so can you do it?" "I have a reputation as a miracle worker" laughed Lapinette.

Monday, September 08, 2014

The Wabbit & the Quantum Parabolas

Deep inland, Lapinette, the Wabbit and Parakalo the Stone Dove reached the top of a hill - and there it was. "Looks quiet enough," murmured the Wabbit. "Oh really Wabbit," sighed Lapinette. "Why are we ferreting out other people's enemies?" "Fun and interest," said the Wabbit and he screwed up his eyes, because although evening drew close, the light was taxing. "They're here," said Parakalo, nodding to the dovecote. Lapinette caught a flash of gold and angled her head to focus on an opening. "I think I see one," she said. "So what's your opinion?" smirked the Wabbit. Lapinette's brain whirred. "It looks like a quantum parabola," she said, "but I could be mistaken." "Parabola?" asked Parakalo. The Wabbit smiled at his pronunciation, parah-baloh, but Lapinette dug him in the ribs. "The light becomes entangled in a quantum lattice field," she continued, "and is impelled to take on solid shape with limited stability." The Wabbit's ears bent to the side and his teeth chattered. "It's not actually made of light," said Lapinette, "it just holds it." "So what is it made of?" asked Parakalo. "Nothing," shrugged Lapinette. "So they're not dangerous?" smiled the Wabbit. Lapinette shook her head vigourously. "On the contrary," she grimaced. "They're beyond lethal."

Friday, September 05, 2014

The Wabbit and Stress Reduction

Lapinette and the Wabbit ambled through Tinos. Parakalo the Dove hovered alongside them, pointing out places of interest. But the Wabbit kept peering round corners. "What are you looking for?" sighed Lapinette. "I thought I saw an Agent of Rabit," said the Wabbit. "And ..?" said Lapinette. "It was a souvenir towel, flapping in the breeze," confessed the Wabbit. "Anything else, while we're on the subject?" asked Lapinette in a sarcastic voice. "Maybe you saw a platoon of Wasp creatures on the roofs?" "Now you mention it," said the Wabbit, "I did see something on a roof." Lapinette's eyes rose under her sunglasses. The Wabbit glanced into a doorway and looked back. "It was six solar panels lined up like alien soldiers." "Will you relax?" yelled Lapinette. A cooing took the Wabbit's attention. "Commander, you need an activity," said Parakalo. "There's something you could check for me." Lapinette hopped up and down. "The Wabbit's on vacation to rest and relax!" "Let's hear what it is," grinned the Wabbit. "Oh, I give up," said Lapinette. Parakalo looked down. "Some of our famous dovecotes have been taken over ..." The Wabbit became interested. "... by strange creatures," continued Parakalo. "composed entirely of light." "Mmm. That's interesting and different," said the Wabbit, "point them out!" "Sometimes we can see them, sometimes we can't," said Parakalo. "No, Wabbit, don't you dare!" screamed Lapinette. "A change is as good is as a rest," grinned the Wabbit ...

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

Skratch, Jenny and the Greek Landing

Skratch and Rabbit Jenny came ashore at the far end of the Island, accompanied by Stone. "Ach, it's gey hot," shouted Stone. "Greece islands can get hot," said Jenny. "Not to mention the wind," remarked Skratch. "I don't mind the wind," yelled Stone. But no-one could hear him. "Where do we meet the Wabbit?" asked Skratch. "Tinos," said Jenny. Skratch thought for a minute. "Isn't there a fine church there?" Jenny was very familiar with islands. "Pilgrims crawl there on hands and knees uphill from the wharf." "Is it far?" asked Skratch. "800 metres," replied Jenny. "It would be worth it," said Skratch. Jenny looked puzzled. "Churches do weddings," said Skratch. Now Jenny smiled, because she remembered Skratch had asked for her hook in marriage - and although she hadn't said yes, she hadn't said no. "We need Certificates of No Impediment," said Jenny. "I know Ambassadors," said Skratch. "And then we must post notices," added Jenny. "I have a printer," said Skratch. "We require Apostilles," said Jenny. "Ledger at the Department will send it all in the diplomatic bag," said Skratch. Jenny grinned. "Someone has to give me away." "The Wabbit," said Skratch. "You need to be certain I'll say yes," said Jenny. Skratch brightened. "I'm confident you will." Jenny poked Skratch with her hook. "Then what are we waiting for?" But Skratch seemed distracted and looked up. "Did you see that strange change in the light?" "We'd better investigate," said Jenny ...
Hague Convention Apostille. Apostille is a stamp or seal that signifies a document is legal and authentic; 
Gey: Scottish dialect. Very

Monday, September 01, 2014

The Wabbit and the Parakalo Bird

Lapinette was relieved to drive from the ramp of the big ferry. The Wabbit was not happy sailing on a ship if he wasn't in charge and she had twice prevented him from interfering. It was extremely hot on the island and the jeep's temperature gauge looked alarmingly high. So Lapinette paused on the dock for a moment and the Wabbit hopped out to check. "Parakalo," said a voice. Lapinette glanced to her left and saw a large white bird made of stone. The Wabbit looked up. "In what sense?" he asked politely. "In a welcoming, hospitable sense,” said the bird, "may I help you in any way?" "We're on vacation," said Lapinette. "My name is Lapinette and this is Commander Wabbit. He is required to relax, rest and generally chill out." Perfect,” said the bird. "I will accompany you." "We couldn’t possibly impose," smiled Lapinette. "It is our custom," responded the bird and he made a soft cooing sound. "I will improve my language skills." Lapinette doubted that listening to the Wabbit would improve anyone’s language skills, but she nodded agreeably. The Wabbit nodded too. "Parakalo," he murmured. "How do you know my name?" asked the bird. "Lucky guess," grinned the Wabbit.

[Parakalo: Greek, roughly “please,” but it has a variety of meanings in polite conversation, depending on context.]