It was St Andrew's Day and the Wabbit rushed to the Parliament of his homeland to make a plea for restitution on behalf of the wabbits. "Attention Members please," said the Presiding Officer. "Attention for Commander Wabbit MacWabbit of that Ilk, who will make a formal request on behalf of the Department of Wabbit Affairs." There was a discreet murmuring from the Members. "Ahem," said the Wabbit, clearing his throat. "I'll get straight to the guts of the matter." "He speaks plainly," said one Member. "I like that" said another. The Wabbit straightened his coat and began. "My species endured a great injustice owing to the illegal introduction of the Mixoma virus here in 1953 and 95% of us were killed," he said."That was under a very different Parliament," said the Presiding Officer. "We haven't been here long." "With the greatest of respect," said the Wabbit to all the assembly, "you were part of the Government of the day and will make due amends." "What kind of amends?" said the Presiding Officer. "You will provide medicine to wipe out the virus in your land." said the Wabbit. He stared around at all the faces and spoke again. "It's my land too, and therefore I insist that measures be expedited soonest." Your proposal must pass through our Finance Committee," said the Presiding Officer. The Wabbit looked up and took from his fur a vast spiral-bound dossier full of facts and figures and names and dates. He then ruffled its many pages so much that the resulting wind caused his ears to flail. "This," he said, "will speed things up."
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
8. The Wabbit and his Job Description
Monday, November 28, 2011
7. The Wabbit and the Galloway Stopover
Sunday, November 27, 2011
6. The Wabbit takes the Scenic Route Home
Saturday, November 26, 2011
5. The Wabbit and the Fate of the Comte
Friday, November 25, 2011
4. The Wabbit and the Apology
Thursday, November 24, 2011
3. The Wabbit takes a Quantum Leap
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
2. The Wabbit and the Quantum Train
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
1. The Wabbit and the Reluctant Mission
Sunday, November 20, 2011
The March of the 400 Wabbits
The massed wabbits hopped formally forward in a zig-zag movement, and each time they hopped they made a thunderous crash that shook the girders of the building. "Where did you find them?" whispered Lapinette. "My appointment comes with a small private guard," said the Wabbit. "Where does it say that?" asked Lapinette sceptically. "It's in the small print," said the Wabbit. "They're all dressed like you!" laughed Lapinette. "Isn't it embarrassing?" said the Wabbit, although he was secretly pleased. They both turned at a mighty cry from the wabbits as they smashed to a halt. Lapinette looked lovingly at the Wabbit. "Proceed," she smiled. The Wabbit turned to face the massed ranks of wabbits and raised a paw in salute. "How many are we?" he shouted. "We are four hundred!" came the reply. "And what are our just demands?" yelled the Wabbit. "Land, Peace, Hay!" cried the wabbits in unison. "And a few carrots," muttered the Wabbit under his breath. Lapinette dug the Wabbit sharply in the ribs. "Ouch," squealed the Wabbit. "Ouch!" cried all the wabbits. Lapinette hid her head behind her ears and giggled. "Where are they going?" she asked. "They're going to march to the Brek Restaurant, where they are obliged to drink copious quantities of carrot aperitivi," said the Wabbit with glee. "Won't they frighten people?" said Lapinette. "They certainly frighten me," said the Wabbit.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The Wabbit and the Chain of Command
The Wabbit was hopping past his favourite abandoned shed when heard the sound of a military vehicle and a shout. "Commander, Sir!" "Oh, hello Franco," said the Wabbit with affection. "You’re looking a lot better than the last time we met." "One hundred per cent fit for duty, Sir" said Franco. "You look like a marmittone with these wheels," joked the Wabbit. Franco laughed. "We're a couple of old marmittoni, Sir," he said. "I'll tell that to Lapinette," chuckled the Wabbit. "How is the Marchesa?" asked Franco. "She's having her ears smoothed," said the Wabbit. "She is such a lady, Sir" said Franco. "I fear the non-commissioned ranks have pictures of her in their barracks." "So do I" said the Wabbit. They both chuckled for a while."Where did you get the Fiat Campagnola?" asked the Wabbit. "I didn't make a requisition." "Skratch got it from the Motor Museum for our Rome trip," said Franco. The Wabbit looked concerned. "It was surplus to requirements, Sir," said Franco. "They were going to throw it away. It's all Hummers in there now." "Disgraceful!" said the Wabbit. He thought for a minute and there was a pause and a silence. "Franco," said the Wabbit soothingly. "This is an informal chat, so stand easy and chew the carrot." "Yes Sir," said Franco. "Now try saying "Yes Wabbit,"" said the Wabbit. "Yes Sir, Wabbit Sir," said Franco. "Try again and don't say "Sir" at all," said the Wabbit. Franco's forehead creased with effort. "Yes Wabbit ..." Franco's voice dropped and he said "Sir" under his breath. "I heard you," said the Wabbit. "I know Sir," smiled Franco.
marmittone: sprog, rookie, naive recruit
Friday, November 18, 2011
The Wabbit and the Supplies Question
Thursday, November 17, 2011
The Wabbit and the Fur of the Puma
"Hello Wabbit, Are you taking a constitutional hop?" said a voice. The Wabbit was hopping along his favourite mountain path and he turned round. "Hello Puma!" he said and he stretched out a tentative paw to stroke Puma's back. "I must say, your fur is particularly sleek today," said the Wabbit. "I know, I've just had it done by a lovely little man in the Via Nizza." purred Puma. "He does Puma fur?" asked the Wabbit. "He's an equal opportunities barber," said Puma. The Wabbit wanted to laugh but he composed himself. "How do you two communicate?" he asked. "He speaks Puma, listen!" Puma made a series of long and short growls and ended with a truncated screech. "What’s that?" said the Wabbit. "Does Sir require a hot towel?" said Puma. "And did you require one?" asked the Wabbit "Definitely, it's the best bit," said Puma and he wriggled his neck and stretched. When he'd finished stretching, which took some considerable time, he sat up. "What's the deal with this camp in Rome business?" he said suddenly. "I'm arranging something,” said the Wabbit. "I hope so," said Puma. "I've already booked a tour of the Coliseum." "Puma, they're used to you here," said the Wabbit. "What will they think in Rome when you prowl down the street?” "When I prowl down the street," said Puma, "I'm in charge."
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
The Wabbit and the Contingency Fund
The Wabbit was having fun in his favourite park when he heard a voice. "Keep off the grass, Wabbit!" The Wabbit peered around his favourite pillar. "Oh, hello Snail," he smiled. "I am duly obliged to hop on the grass, since I am a Wabbit." "I heard we're going to Rome," said Snail. "There's no "we" about it," said the Wabbit. "It's a hush-hush secret Christmas mission." "We could construct a temporary camp," said Snail. "A change is good as a rest." The Wabbit thought rest was unlikely where Snail was involved. "How would you get there?" asked the Wabbit "I would hitch hike," said Snail. "And how would you signal your request for a lift?" said the Wabbit. "I would hook a single antenna and wiggle it," said Snail. The Wabbit tried to visualise the scene and gave up quickly. He fidgeted and hopped up and down and he thought and thought. "There might be a place I know," said the Wabbit. "It's near the Vatican." "Near the Vatican," echoed Snail with delight. "What's it really like?" "Nothing special," said the Wabbit. "Just a bunch of Pontiffs on scooters." "I'd like a scooter," said Snail. "Then you shall have one," said the Wabbit and he pulled from his fur a requisition order. The Wabbit scribbled for a while and whistled through his teeth. "One scooter, blue, ordered" he said finally. "Isn't the Department short of cash?" puzzled Snail. "I put everything through the contingency fund," said the Wabbit. "Isn't the contingency fund for contingencies?" asked Snail. "Everything's a contingency," said the Wabbit.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
The Wabbit and the Days to Christmas
Sunday, November 13, 2011
The Wabbit and the Fusion Field
Saturday, November 12, 2011
The Wabbit and the Box of Stuff
The Wabbit looked at the box of stuff and he hopped up and down. "What are you building, Ghost Bunny?" he asked. "Is everything here?" said Ghost Bunny. "And some extra bits," said Lapinette. "We managed to get a multipactor tube." "That will do nicely," said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit was frustrated and hopped over to Skratch. "What's she building Skratch?" he asked. "My code name today, is Klaw the Cat Crook," said Skratch. "OK, OK," said the Wabbit. "What's she building, Klaw?" "Sparkle knows what she's doing," said Skratch. "Sparkle?" said the Wabbit. "Sparkle," responded Skratch. The Wabbit hopped back to the box. "Is there a truck hire charge, Klaw?" he asked loudly in an unsuccessful attempt to take charge. "I did a deal with the pet shop," said Skratch and pawed his nose. "What is Sparkle building, Lapinette? I mean Trixie," said the Wabbit. "I trust Sparkle," said Lapinette. "Whatever she's building, it's for everyone's good." Ghost Bunny looked directly at the Wabbit and winked. "Do you have a universal tool kit, Bunny?" she said. "I always have one in my fur," replied the Wabbit. "Then we won't delay," said Ghost Bunny and she fluttered upwards, adopting the manner of a quiz show host. "Shall we open the box or ...?" she yelled. "Or ...?" everyone hollered back. "Or take the money?" she shouted. Skratch nudged the Wabbit and Lapinette threw her arms in the air. "Open the Box!" they cheered.
Friday, November 11, 2011
The Wabbit and the Shopping List
"Psst!" said a voice. The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette looked round. "Anything I can help you with?" said a metal spectre. "What sort of help?" said the Wabbit suspiciously. "Help to get difficult-to-get things," said the spectre. "Yes," said Lapinette, enthusiastically. The Wabbit frowned but he named the first thing on the list as a test. "Four spherical diodes," said the Wabbit. "Plenty in stock," said the metal spectre. "You can have eight for the price of four." "A lithium blanket," said Lapinette. "Ooooh," said the spectre. "For that you need a special license." "And how do we obtain one of these special licenses?" said Lapinette slyly. "I can acquire one instantly for a suitable price," said the spectre and he flicked a switch on his metal chest and produced a license. "OK," said Lapinette. "But only if you can throw in a box of superconducting magnets." "You'll need a multipactor tube," said the spectre. "Oh I don't know, really,” said Lapinette and she shook her head. "It’s on special offer," said the Spectre. "For today only." "I think we already have one in the shed," said Lapinette, with indifference. "Half price in anticipation of future business," said the spectre. "It's a deal," said Lapinette. "How will you take delivery?" asked the spectre. "We'll come to you," said the Wabbit, who was glad to get a word in. "Metal Michele," said the spectre and offered a spectral hand. The Wabbit thought for a minute. "I am ... the Bunny," he said and smiled warmly. Then he glanced at Lapinette and his smile turned into a malicious grin. "This is Trixie," he said. "Trixie Beaujolais," simpered Lapinette.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The Wabbit and Lapinette go Shopping
The Wabbit and Lapinette had gone shopping for supplies. "We need a lot of cash to replace everything lost in the flood," said Lapinette.”Now, I have a card here in my fur for that sort of thing," said the Wabbit and he rummaged for a long time. Lapinette looked at him knowingly, "It’s in your other coat," she sighed. "No no," said the Wabbit. "It goes with this coat." "You have a debit card for different coats?" gasped Lapinette "Doesn't everyone?" said the Wabbit and he finally pulled a green plastic card from his fur. Lapinette took the card and hopped up to the machine. "You don't know my secret number," said the Wabbit. "I can make a guess," said Lapinette. "Watch this!" And she hopped straight into the air. On her way up, Lapinette put the card in the slot and on the way down she typed numbers onto the pad. There was a clicking and a long, long whirring. Suddenly a lot of money tumbled from the dispenser and Lapinette swept it up and it vanished. "How do you know my number?" said the Wabbit, frowning. "It's the date of the Great Wabbit Uprising," said Lapinette. "How many people know that?" exclaimed the Wabbit "Well, I know that," said Lapinette. The Wabbit shook his head. "What's first on the list?" he asked. "Skratch wants a grappling hook and Ghost Bunny requires a number of electronic components." said Lapinette. "What's she building," puzzled the Wabbit. It was Lapinette's turn to shake her head. "Costs a lot," she murmured. The Wabbit's eyes gleamed. "Let's go!" he said.
Tuesday, November 08, 2011
The Wabbit and the Hospital
At the Big Hospital's flood relief centre, the friends were all allocated colourful rugs. Even Ghost Bunny managed to find a ghostly rug and she fluttered around with it. "What about the flood, Sir?" said Franco from under his Alpini hat. "When it abates, we will return," said the Wabbit. "We'll dry everything out and make sure you have a watertight base." "I'm concerned about the Pet Shop in Corso Svizzera," said Skratch. "All that dried food must have expanded right out into the street and stopped the traffic." Lapinette put her paw in front of her mouth to hide a smile because she knew that Skratch had some crafty supply deal with the Pet Shop. "Perhaps that wouldn't be a bad thing," said the Wabbit. "These floods might be caused by global warming." "It didn't feel very warm," said Puma who was still shivering. "It was cold and wet and horrid," said Snail, munching a cardboard tray. "I saw it coming but it was too late," said Ghost Bunny. "Suddenly the river came over the bank and ran straight at us." "Like it was alive," said Puma and he growled softly. "It's the River Dora. I think Dora means "to run"" said Lapinette. "It took a good run at us," said Snail. "Start again sir!" interrupted Franco Contadino and he pushed his hat back. "We can find you somewhere temporary, Franco," said the Wabbit reassuringly. "Rather not, Sir. Hop straight on, Sir," said Franco and he coughed a bit. "You could have done without this Franco." said the Wabbit. "You need a proper examination." "I'll get Doctor Stefano to check you out," said Lapinette and she headed for the lift. "The stairs are quicker," shouted the Wabbit.
Monday, November 07, 2011
The Wabbit and the Big Flood
"We're over here," shouted Skratch and he waved frantically as the flood rose around him. The Wabbit’s radio crackled. "Disaster Control to Commander Wabbit. You haven't much time, so get out now!" "Not before everyone's on board," muttered the Wabbit under his breath. "Rendezvous at the Big White Hospital. Out," hissed the radio. “Copy that," said the Wabbit to himself. Lapinette threw out the ladder and Skratch grabbed the end and pulled Franco towards him. "Where's my hat?" gasped Franco. "Ghost Bunny's got it for goodness sake," said Skratch and he propelled Franco up the ladder. "What about Snail?" yelled the Wabbit. Lapinette looked across at Ghost Bunny and shouted at the top of her voice.”Tell Snail to climb to the roof, we'll pick him up there!" The sound of the torrent seized her words and mangled them, but somehow Snail heard. "On my way," he shouted. "I've ever seen a snail move that fast," shouted the Wabbit to Lapinette. With everyone on board the Wabbit lifted the helichopper over the trees and then dropped it back down on the Padiglione roof. Lapinette threw open the cargo door and Snail somehow hopped in. "I thought you liked the wet," smiled the Wabbit. "I have a limit," said Snail. "Get us out of here!" The Wabbit lifted the helichopper vertically, wheeled and flew across the city towards the Big White Hospital. “Wabbit to Control," said the Wabbit into the radio. "We're on our way. Five cosy blankets, one extra large please." "Anything else?” said a tired voice. "Seven hot refreshments," replied the Wabbit. "On a cardboard tray," said Snail.
Sunday, November 06, 2011
5. The Wabbit & Lapinette in the Lost Park
Saturday, November 05, 2011
4. The Wabbit and the Star Wall
Friday, November 04, 2011
3. The Wabbit teaches The Cartwheel Hop
Thursday, November 03, 2011
2. The Wabbit and the Prehistoric Wabbit
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
1. The Wabbit: A Wabbit of a Different Kind
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
The Wabbit tries to Explain
The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette were hopping past the Porta Palatina, chatting as they hopped. "So," said Lapinette, "you told me about your journey, but little of your Goddess." "Demi-Goddess," said the Wabbit, "she was wonderful." Lapinette stopped hopping and turned. "And did this wonderful Demi-Goddess have a name?" she asked. "Lapnet," said the Wabbit. "Oh," said Lapinette and she pondered for a minute. "So what was she like?" she asked. The Wabbit thought it best to pay attention and said, "She was completely proper and formal as a Goddess should be." "Demi-Goddess," said Lapinette and she thought deeply. "Tell me, what was she wearing?" she said eventually. "Oh nothing much," said the Wabbit defensively and he cringed when he saw Lapinette's expression. "What I mean is that she had a short Greek dress with a waist tightly cinched by a silver belt." Lapinette glared but the Wabbit was in full flight and couldn't stop. "And she was garbed in white with blue flowers and the whole outfit was topped with a shoulder clasp." "A shoulder clasp?" hissed Lapinette. "To hold everything up." said the Wabbit weakly and he winced. There was a long silence. "What was I wearing yesterday?" asked Lapinette suddenly. "The usual ...? " queried the Wabbit hesitantly. As his voice trailed off, his head sank into his fur and his teeth became quite rigid. So he closed his eyes and wished he had never uttered a word. Then he felt a paw under his chin and he carefully opened a single eye to see Lapinette smiling sweetly. "I was winding you up," she laughed.