Wednesday, November 22, 2017

4. The Wabbit and the Kiss Window

Together with Scarecrow, they pursued the flyaway kiss. Just as they passed a bookshop window, a voice spoke. It was a familiar voice and it seemed to have a point of view on kissing. "It kissed me twice, that's more than usual," said a face in the window. The kiss buzzed past Lapinette's head and flew down the street, leaving an indelible mark on the face. "Come back kiss," shouted the face. But the kiss took no notice and flew on. The face seemed to turn to Lapinette. "Is that your kiss? You should take better care of it." Lapinette ignored the vanishing kiss and explained. "My kiss escaped from a charity event and we can't stop it." "I'd like to help you," gazed the face, "but my face is under house arrest." The face managed a wry smile. "The only way to stop a kiss is to kiss it back." Lapinette scowled. "I can't kiss my own kiss!" The Wabbit grinned. "Then I'll do it. I must meet it face on." "Absolutely precisely, with passion. No half kissing," said the face; "that's just kissing in self defense." The Wabbit thought for a bit, but as he pondered, the kiss zoomed back, making mwah sounds as it swooped around. It hovered close to the Wabbit's head and he made several attempts to kiss it directly - all without success. "That was a near kiss," said the face. With a whooshing noise, the kiss vanished again ..

Monday, November 20, 2017

3. The Wabbit and the Flyaway Kiss

Lapinette and the Wabbit chased Lapinette's kiss through shops, streets and on trams - but the kiss didn't stop until it came to an urban organic garden. There it settled on a scarecrow's cheek and planted a resounding smacker, the sound of which could be heard some distance away. Then it fluttered onwards. Lapinette jumped up and down. "We have to find my kiss, it shouldn't be out on its own." "Let's ask the scarecrow," suggested the Wabbit. Lapinette looked skeptical but nonetheless she hopped on a bench and looked up at the scarecrow's face. "How was the kiss, Mr Scarecrow?" "The scarecrow's head swiveled to face her. "Hot," he said, pointing to the disappearing kiss. "I thought it was a pretty butterfly, I hoped it would stay." Lapinette jumped higher. "My kiss escaped from a charity event and I have to get it back." "Is it dangerous?" asked the scarecrow. He rubbed his cheek, smiled and waved to the now distant kiss. "Yes," replied Lapinette, "It could be hazardous if it falls onto the wrong face." "Then please let me help you," said the scarecrow. Lapinette looked at him. "Aren't you stuck here?" The scarecrow rustled his straw. "That's what they think," he murmured, "but I'm quite ambulant and have a spare set of clothes in my shed." "Did the kiss say anything?" asked the Wabbit. "It said mwah smooch!" grinned the scarecrow. "Ah," said the Wabbit, "That's two more clues ..."

Friday, November 17, 2017

2. Lapinette is Swept off her Feet.

The Wabbit danced Lapinette all the way to the city centre, the city sustaining only minor damage. But at a crossroads, the Wabbit came to an abrupt halt. He hadn't run out of steam as Lapinette thought, because suddenly she was thrown in the air and then gently held in place by the Wabbit's paws. She threw her arms wide. "Where are we?" "If I knew where we were," said the Wabbit, "I couldn't have danced here." The Wabbit let Lapinette down and glanced around. "Do you think the place is here?" asked Lapinette. "I think it's a clue," said the Wabbit. "We should have proper instructions, not clues," commented Lapinette. A cooing from above took their attention as a large dove swooped from the rooftops. "Parakalo!" yelled the Wabbit. "Parakalo!" shouted Parakalo. Lapinette waved and shouted. "Do you have a message for us?" Parakalo circled three times. "I am the message," he cooed. Lapinette and the Wabbit sighed. "We're secret agents, not parlour game puzzlers." Parakalo continued to hover. Then something flew down and stuck to the traffic sign. "That looks like a kiss," said the Wabbit. "It looks like one of mine," murmured Lapinette. "Sold at a charity do?" suggested the Wabbit. Lapinette cast her mind into the dim and distant past. "Maybe," she shrugged. The Wabbit climbed the pole. "I'll get it down." "Be careful," said Lapinette, "It might still be hot."

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

1. The Wabbit and the Missing Address

"The address said here." The Wabbit looked all round, then shook his head like a donkey. "It's closed," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit stood his ground. "These are the coordinates I was given." Lapinette gave a mock sigh and nudged the Wabbit. "Couldn't you get an ordinary address like normal rabbits?" The Wabbit shook his head again. "It's how the instructions came." "How did the instructions come?" asked Lapinette. "Carrier pigeon," said the Wabbit. Lapinette wasn't terribly surprised. "Where are the instructions now?" she asked. "I ate them," said the Wabbit. He made a face. "They tasted quite awful. I wanted pistachio flavour." Lapinette stifled a giggle. "What did they taste like?" "Cough medicine," scowled the Wabbit. The street was quiet, as it normally was on a Sunday morning - maybe even quieter. "I'm uncertain why we're here," said Lapinette, "maybe we should wait." The Wabbit grinned and leaned against the fence. "Waiting time with you is always too short." Lapinette pirouetted. "That's because good things come to those who wait." "What kind of good things?" smiled the Wabbit. "Wait and see!" answered Lapinette. The Wabbit looked swiftly from right to left. "Would you care to dance?" Lapinette folded her paws across her chest. "What are your dancing qualifications?" "Bronze Medal," said the Wabbit. Lapinette pretended to swoon. "Teach me!"

Monday, November 13, 2017

The Wabbit at the Breakfast Caffè

It was early and the caffè was setting up. "Coffee," said the Wabbit. He said it again. "Coffee." Lapinette grinned. "It not going to come by itself." She heard the tinkle of crockery from inside. "Maybe it will." she shrugged. "Double espresso for me," meaowed Skratch, "No such thing," said Lapinette. She pointed at the Wabbit. He waved to a waiter dramatically. "Eight coffees in four cups!" "And rum," suggested Captain Jenny. "Bottle of Seven Fathoms!" yelled the Wabbit. Skratch sighed in a catty manner. "That was quite an adventure we just had." "But what kind of adventure was it?" smiled Jenny. Skratch pondered long and hard. "It was simply a delayed sequel, predicated on double aspectivity." Wabsworth knew all about this - and considered now to be the exact moment for his contribution. "We were presented as spatial things, spliced with our nuclear essence." "So where then, were our boundaries?" mused Lapinette. "There were no boundaries in that adventure," said the Wabbit, "All was fluidly sutured." "Talking of fluids," said Lapinette. "I think I can smell coffee coming." Jenny gave an enormous pirate shout and threw her shoulders back. "Splice the mainbrace!" "Splice it thrice," grinned the Wabbit.

Friday, November 10, 2017

7. Ghost Bunny and the Hellfire Club

Ghost Bunny saw them run out and down the hill. The Hellfire Club was awash with flames. "Hallowe'en is over!" she yelled; "We make it so!" Her ghostly cohorts fluttered hauntingly across the scene, quenching any remaining glitches in the temporal zone. Far below, Lapinette waved them on. Skratch the Cat leapt around like a kitten. Major Spitlove gripped Captain Jenny's tunic in terror. "Ghosts!" Wabsworth tugged one of Lapinette's ears and whispered, "No such things." The Wabbit slid to a halt, puffed a sigh of relief and chortled. "You're late, Ghost Bunny." Ghost Bunny howled with laughter. "Alas Commander, it is you that's early." "What happened to the creatures?" asked Lapinette. "Toast!" shrieked Ghost Bunny. Major Spitlove shuddered and drew close to Captain Jenny. "And where did you find your ghostly cohorts?" said Skratch. "I met them on the astral plane," giggled Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit watched the flames die down. Dust settled. The air cleared. "Do you have your radio, Wabsworth?" "No," replied Wabsworth, "I'm afraid I danced on it." "Then we can't call for transport home," sighed the Wabbit. "My cohorts will take you!" shrieked Ghost Bunny. Major Spitlove started down the hill and called back. "Nice night for a walk."

Wednesday, November 08, 2017

6. The Wabbit and the Dance Lords

Intoxicated by the bad air, they danced frantically. After a while, Lapinette became exhausted and knelt by the wall. Cries urged her on and she raised one paw in reply. Wabsworth felt his walkie talkie vibrate. At first he thought it was part of the tune, but it activated a safety circuit and he ground to a halt. "Stop the Dance, Commander!" he yelled. "I can't," replied the Wabbit. Wabsworth kicked the Wabbit's legs from under him and he sank to the floor. "Gotta dance," he murmured. "It's a trick," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit shook his head several times and hit his ear with a paw. "Still in Hallowe'en," he sighed. He looked at Lapinette, then shook her. "I was watching the funny little creatures," she murmured. The Wabbit prodded her sharply. With a look of horror, she leapt to her feet and kicked the black beast that had crawled from the wall. It vanished into a crack and the music began to fade. "There's more," yelled Skratch. He bounded across the hearth and up towards the window. "We have trouble," he meaowed. Flames crawled and crackled around the small aperture and things inside got hotter. The Wabbit heard the radio whine and he glared at Wabsworth. "Who's on radio duty?" Wabsworth took the radio and spoke into it gently. "Duty Operator? Identify." "Transmettitore Zero Dark," replied a voice. "Temporal emergency," snapped Wabsworth. "Protocol H .."

Monday, November 06, 2017

5. Jenny and the Unknown Menace

Major Spitlove crouched by the stairs. He heard music, murmuring and squeals so he clutched his axe tightly and shrank into the shadows. He didn't have to wait long. There was a burst of light as a figure launched itself from upstairs. An automatic loomed like a ship out of a mist and behind it was Captain Jenny. The gun spat three times. Each time there was a roar of anger. Jenny hit the ground with a thud and leaped into the dark. Major Spitlove peered as muzzle flashes lit a ruined hallway. He could only see amorphous shifting shapes, lapping at the walls. Rasping grated around the building like a saw on a tin roof. He heard three more shots then ducked as a bullet flew past his ears. Mortar fell on his head and dust went up his nose. "Aaaachoo," he sneezed. Jenny stepped from the gloom. "I could use a helping paw, Major." Spitlove nodded and lifted his axe. "What about the bad air?" he asked. "I'm impervious," said Jenny. She blew into the muzzle of her automatic. "Besides, I've got a cold." Spitlove hopped into the hall. "I'm on the trail of creatures who invade buildings and pose as ghosts." Jenny laughed a pirate laugh. "Fake ghosts, spooking?" Movement from the hallway made them both spin round. Jenny ejected the clip from her automatic, replaced it and fired a volley of shots. Then she shrugged. "No ghosts, no haunting .." 

Friday, November 03, 2017

4. Wabsworth and Hell on the Hill

Wabsworth was puzzled. Some time after he was copied from the Wabbit he had added a puzzlement algorithm which communicated directly with the Department. He'd never used it, not until now. He could hear vague cries of "What day is it?" from Skratch and Jenny. Then he heard shouting about anti-realism that he couldn't quite make out. He knew the rabbit with the axe quite well. It was Major Spitlove the double agent. Above him, the dome was barely discernible but it was coming down fast. Wabsworth recalled that the Wabbit liked a trick at Hallowe'en. He mulled it over super fast. "It's too baroque." he murmured. Suddenly letters span from the dome. Then a rose and a crossbones badge loomed fast towards him. "A time vortex," he breathed. He spoke into his radio but it was dead. He shook it and whacked it against a paw. Nothing. "It usually works for the Wabbit," he sulked. Spitlove was the closest. "Major! What's going on?" Major Spitlove shifted his stance, waved the axe up and down and mouthed something. It was a simple matter for Wabsworth to read his lips and he spoke the words out loud. "Bad air." Spitlove nodded his head and vanished into the building. "I'm an android, it won't affect me," thought Wabsworth. But his legs started to twitch and he wanted to dance. He jumped on his radio and it skirled with the sound of the pipes. "Hooch" yelled Wabsworth - and he hopped under the dome ..

Thursday, November 02, 2017

3. The Wabbit and the Devil's Jig

They had no option but to start the party without their pals. The old abandoned building that hosted so many abominations, came alive with hoots and hollers. "Hooch!" yelled Skratch. He sprang in the air with abandon and executed an astonishing pa de basque. Lapinette's feet flew over razor sharp blades. "Over fork over!" she chanted, again and again and again. "You started without me!" shouted a stern seafaring voice. The Wabbit binkied high and low. "You're very late," he yelled. Captain Jenny shook her head. "No, I be early." They thudded to the ground, except for Lapinette who hovered over her knives. "That can't be right," meaowed Skratch, "because midnight's long past." Jenny sniffed the air and frowned. "It's Hallowe'en!" she yelled, gripping her automatic. "Not at all," smiled the Wabbit cheerfully. "It's now All Hallows and the Saints are marching in." Jenny mimicked the sound of feet with her pirate boots and drawled, "Well they must be a long way off." Lapinette landed gracefully, picked up her weapons and threw them in the air. The Wabbit watched as they fell neatly in the folds of her frock. "That's scary," he blinked. "If it's still Hallowe'en, we're stuck in time," frowned Skratch. He looked up. Clouds of noxious gas drifted from the brickwork. Doors slammed shut. Jenny looked for a window to break, but there was only one ... high up on the roof.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

2. The Wabbit and Hellfire Hallowe'en

"Where is everybody?" The Wabbit waved a screwdriver impatiently. "You can't poke a fire with a screwdriver," said Lapinette. She shivered at a strange chill in the air - and while she considered what it might be, she warmed her paws by the flames. "I said 11.30 sharp," sighed the Wabbit. He waved his screwdriver so vigorously, it flew in the air and tumbled into the fire. Skratch looked at the bonfire with distrust. But his radio crackled and he listened. "Wabbit! Everyone's delayed in traffic." The Wabbit shook his head and scowled in disbelief. "They're up to something. Some trick." Skratch meaowed mournfully. "Same trick every year, no one believes in the Bunnyman, Wabbit." Lapinette's ears suddenly swivelled. "Can you hear teeth chattering?" Her whisper cut across the fire's crackle and startled Skratch for an instant. The Wabbit grinned and leaned forward to tell a tale. "In the old days, the gentry would come here to the Hellfire Club." "What for?" asked Lapinette. "Shenanigans," said the Wabbit. "But one night a woodsman knocked at the door to sell firewood and was attacked. Skratch purred for more and the Wabbit continued. "In the struggle that followed, they saw he had a cloven hoof!" The Wabbit trembled at his own tale. "They fled back to the Club ... but all died of suffocation that night. And every Hallowe'en - there's a smell of bad air." "I can smell it now," shuddered Lapinette. "It's plastic from the Wabbit's screwdriver," laughed Skratch. But he knew it wasn't ...

Sunday, October 29, 2017

1. The Wabbit and the Shutter Stop

Skratch the Cat chased the Wabbit along Via Gramsci at great speed. But suddenly the Wabbit stopped and stared at a shuttered shopfront. Skratch narrowly avoided colliding and let out a painful meow. "Wabbit, where are you going so quickly?" The Wabbit eyeballed the shutters and hummed vacantly. "Hopping an aimless hop, loping an aimless lope." "It's nearly Hallowe'en, Wabbit," said Skratch, "We've no arrangements for our party." The Wabbit continued to scrutinise the mural without reply. "I couldn't think of a location," continued Skratch. He watched the Wabbit closely and went on. "So what would you prefer? Claustrophobic, wild and wanton, subterranean or deeply forested?" The Wabbit stared at the figure in the mural and raised an eye. There was quite a pause. Then the figure whispered, "Wild." The Wabbit nodded. "Wild," he repeated. Skratch purred. "Wild it shall be, Commander. What kind of wild?" The mural whispered again. "Wild Bunch." "Mmm? Wild Bunch?" murmured the Wabbit. Skratch pricked up his ears. "Then we'll need a lot of space." he meowed. The mural rattled the shutter and screeched, "The Hellfire Club!" Skratch was overjoyed. "Just what I was thinking, Wabbit, shall we confirm?" He waited for a response, but none came. So he poked the Wabbit in the ribs and the Wabbit shot in the air. "Good grief, Skratch!" he yelled. "I didn't know you were there..."

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

Gradually they arrived at the designated Adventure Caffè. Ghost Bunny was in attendance and so that no one would be alarmed, had disguised herself as graffiti. This worked up to a point. But from time to time she shrieked, "What was that for a haunting sort of Adventure?" Several passersby jumped. The Wabbit pretended not to hear - and instead examined his glass. "Is my glass half up or half down?" he said in a serious philosophical tone. The proprietor arrived with a frown and apologised. "Sorry about the graffiti, a horde of drunken soccer fans thought it was carnival." The Wabbit pointed at the glasses. "Subito, Commander," said the proprietor. With an impatient gesture she was gone. Ghost Bunny watched her vanish and fluttered until a spooky wind blew down the porticos. Skratch meaowed, "You watch too much television, Ghost Bunny." Lapinette butted in. "Ghost Bunny is reading Film Technique by Pudovkin, which I lent her." "Wooooooh," sighed Ghost Bunny. "Wooooh Woooh!" laughed Skratch. Wabsworth suddenly pushed a chair. Metal legs screeched on the sidewalk. "That adventure was composed of exact plastic content, each piece of which should be contextually interpreted." "Explain!" challenged the Wabbit. "Oh, that would take a big, big dinner," said Wabsworth slyly. The Wabbit made a mental calculation and mulled it over. "OK. House of the Devil at 21:00. On expenses." "May I haunt along?" shrieked Ghost Bunny.
[Note: There is indeed a House of the Devil in Turin.] 

Monday, October 16, 2017

14. Ghost Bunny Drops the Awnings

Ghost Bunny ushered the team from the fairground with many kind words and the promise of a lovely welcome on future occasions. "I do hope you liked our special preview," shrieked Ghost Bunny. "Do come again and bring all your friends." The Wabbit hadn't the heart to be vexed. He knew he'd played a few tricks in his time, so he changed his frown for a smile and listened carefully. Skratch purred enthusiastically to Ghost Bunny. He waved his paws, exclaiming that her Ghost Train escapade shot the very rubric of funfair carnivality - and furthermore, transcended post-modern fairground aesthetics. Ghost Bunny squealed in delight. Lapinette however was not so pleased. She argued that her irreplaceable new frock was ripped. The high cost of repair would be cruel and unusual. Ghost Bunny smiled and cast a ghostly glance across the frock, perfectly mending it with all the invisibility a ghost could muster. Lapinette hopped with joy, but a sudden squealing and shrieking from the fairground ride made everyone jump. The Wabbit turned to look. The ride was disappearing and so was the fairground. Ghost Bunny waved, bowed and vanished too. Lapinette and Skratch were next. "Damn spirits are we all," shrugged the Wabbit with a grin. Then he popped into nothing, like a bubble.
["Drops the awnings": Carnival slang for closing for the night. Carny, Circus,Sideshow & Vaudeville Lingo Wayne N. Keyser]

Friday, October 13, 2017

13. The Wabbit On the Other Side

The Devil's Hat burst through to the other side. The Wabbit found himself circling a funfair ride he knew as 'The Big Prawn' and listening to an automated voice. "This is the last stop of this Ghost Train. Please pick up your spectral photographs at the kiosk." The air whistled with spooky cries and the clacking of crustacean limbs. "We'd like to get off now," said the Wabbit but there was no reply. The Devil's Hat orbited faster than the big wheel, plunging low then soaring high. Everyone felt seedy. The voice shrilled again. "You may hop off and hop on again at any time. Please retain your ticket stubs." Skratch found himself searching for tickets he never purchased. Lapinette had an all entry VIP pass for everything and anything, but had left it in her other frock. The Wabbit found two lunch tokens and a half eaten salad sandwich. But the wind caught the tokens and sent them spiraling downwards. The Wabbit watched them go but he looked at the ground and it was coming up fast. So he tucked the sandwich back in his fur and held on. "Best I can do," he muttered. The automated voice changed tone. "Please fasten your spook belts." "There are no belts" hissed the Wabbit. The haunting voice of Ghost Bunny cut through the fairground babble. "Spook belts incur a extra charge..."