Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Wabbit and an Exchange of Fire.

Out of a mist loomed an armed ferry and she was flying the Jolly Roger. "There she is!" said the Wabbit. Skratch pointed. "She's the Lepus and she's packing, Commander!" "Dead Slow Ahead," said the Wabbit. "But she's going to fire," said Skratch. The Wabbit shrugged, then grabbed a rail and ducked as several shells burst around the Unut. The Wabbit lifted his walkie talkie. "Now Wabsworth!" An arc of machine gun fire from a deck-mounted Oerlikon split the pirate flag from a mast and it crashed onto the deck. Everything became still. All that could be heard were waves and the cries of disgruntled seagulls. "Why didn't we pick her up on radar?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit shook his head from side to side. "And where did you get that gun?" asked Skratch. "Army and Navy Surplus," said the Wabbit. Skratch shook his head too, then looked across to the Lepus. He could see activity on deck and tapped the Wabbit's shoulder. "What next?" Before the Wabbit could answer, the ship's radio crackled and a voice spoke. "This is the Captain of the Lepus. I'm known as Rabbit Jenny." "This is Commander Wabbit of the DWA Unut," replied the Wabbit. "Belay your weapon fire and heave to." "You belay first," said Jenny. "We're already belayed," smiled the Wabbit. "Permission to come on board," said Jenny. "Granted," said the Wabbit.

Monday, April 14, 2014

The Wabbit & Lapinette's Something

"Flight Commander?" said the Wabbit. "Reporting," said Lapinette. "What's in the report?" asked the Wabbit. "Nothing much to report," said Lapinette. "Nothing much to report isn't much of a report," said the Wabbit. "Well it's not exactly nothing," said Lapinette. The Wabbit shook his head and raised his eyes. "Well, why don't you tell me about the something." "It's not much of a something either," sighed Lapinette. The Wabbit hid a smile. "I'm in the mood for not hearing much," he stated. "So tell me about the something you didn't see much of." "It was just something that flashed on the horizon," said Lapinette. "Something that made you blink," said the Wabbit. Lapinette nodded. "And that something was lying north of here?" "Yes it was," said Lapinette. The Wabbit lifted his walkie talkie and spoke gently. "Co-ordinates as instructed, 15 knots." The Unut's bow swung slightly to port and she headed towards the horizon. "What is it that's lying to our north?" asked Lapinette. "A heavily armed ferry," said the Wabbit. "I guess someone's in charge of that ferry," observed Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded but said no more. "Does he know we're coming?" asked Lapinette. "She knows we're coming," corrected the Wabbit. "But not when we're coming," "I guess this ferry doesn't have a timetable," said Lapinette.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Lapinette spots Something

Lapinette grumbled to herself as her Merlin helichopper gripped the air. "I don't like ships, I don't like ships." The Merlin was an unfamiliar aircraft to Lapinette but she didn't care and she sent it skittering round in a mock search pattern. The Wabbit was playing some game that only he knew, but she accepted her orders professionally and carried out her duty. The sea looked calm enough now and her delicate shade of seasick green had disappeared. "I prefer to be in the air," she thought. "Mostly, it doesn't move up and down." Just then a gust of wind caught the chopper and sent it spiralling wildly but Lapinette merely twitched the controls and everything was smooth again. Even if her search was designed as a tactical manoeuvre, Lapinette kept an eye open for any craft that might be in the vicinity - but there was nothing, just an aching void of blue green waves. Lapinette looked straight ahead and hummed a Pink Floyd tune she thought went well with helichoppers. Suddenly she blinked. Was that something on the horizon? She stared for quite some time and headed northwards and away from her search pattern. There it was again. A flash of something. Lapinette squinted her eyes and figured it might be the sun glinting from a far-off ship. So she circled back. The radio crackled and the Wabbit's voice crackled too. "Anything to report?" "Not one single thing," said Lapinette.

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

The Wabbit Sails Out

The day was calm enough when they set out and the Unut sliced through slack water, leaving only a rudimentary wake. The Wabbit nodded with satisfaction. "How are we looking, Chief?" he smiled. Skratch the Cat wasn't going to be happy until they had cleared the coast, but he smiled anyway and purred. "On radar, we look like a fishing boat." The Wabbit shuffled his paws from side to side and his voice was dry. "Now the fishermen cast the net." "What is the drill, Commander?" asked Skratch. "Two points off the starboard bow for 70 miles," said the Wabbit, "then an Anderson Turn." "That's a circle, Commander," said Skratch. The Wabbit nodded. "Make it look like someone's overboard. Send Lapinette up in the chopper. It's got to look convincing." Skratch waited. "Scour around then set a course for Ardnamurchan," advised the Wabbit. "Fifteen knots, no hurry." "Tell me more about that craft," said Skratch. "How will we recognise it?" The Wabbit shook his head. "We don't have to. She'll recognise us." "And then?" asked Skratch. "And then, I don't know," replied the Wabbit. "Need the guns?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit thought for a very long time and then shrugged. "Maybe," he said.

Monday, April 07, 2014

The Wabbit & the Gods' Commission

It was a dank and a miserable day for a ship's Commissioning and everyone was bad tempered. "Let's get this over with," shivered Unut the Rabbit Goddess. She produced a cake and cut off a slice and handed it to the Wabbit. The Wabbit saluted and Unut watched him fumble and drop crumbs. "Wabbit, do you know how many Gods' coffee mornings it took me to raise the funds for this vessel?" The Wabbit nodded but remained silent. "So bring it back in one piece," said Unut strictly. The Wabbit nodded again. "There's a lot depending on this mission, Commander - and the Gods are stressed about it." "Yes Majesty" said the Wabbit gravely. "So be diplomatic. Don't rock the boat." The Wabbit wanted to smile, but thought better of it. "Can you think of anything else you need, Commander?" asked Unut. The Wabbit raced through a mental check list of various weapons, tools and stocks of food and drink. "I could do with some luck," he said finally. "Fortune favours the bold," said Unut, "but the Gods will keep a vague lookout for you." The Wabbit smiled limply. "Well," sighed Unut. "There's an awful lot of sea and we're rather short on sea gods." The Wabbit had a sudden thought. "Majesty, what about the Commissioning?" "Never mind the Commissioning, here's your ship," said Unut.

Friday, April 04, 2014

The Wabbit and the Swift One

"Is she ship-shape, Chief?" The Wabbit was deadly serious and Skratch responded in similar vein. "One or two minor details, Commander. They'll keep until we're at sea." "How were the trials?" asked the Wabbit. "She's faster than we thought," said Skratch, "she exceeded 46 knots over the Measured Mile." The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "Unut the Swift One!" he smiled. "Fastest Type- 45 Destroyer on the ocean," murmured Skratch. The Wabbit looked around. "Where's Lapinette?" he asked - although he already knew. "She's in the engine room, throwing up," said Skratch. "We're not even underway," sighed the Wabbit. "I'm afraid she has no sea legs, Commander." The Wabbit shook his head. "I know," he said, sadly. "Great legs though," risked Skratch. The Wabbit nodded gravely but kept a smile to himself. "Who's officially commissioning our vessel?" asked Skratch. "Rabbit Goddess Unut," said the Wabbit. "Unut is very present in all this," said Skratch with a surprised voice. "She paid for the ship," shrugged the Wabbit. Skratch nodded as if all that was normal and inquired, "Where are we headed?" "I have only rough coordinates," stated the Wabbit, "but it's near an island and we're looking for a heavily armed ferry." "I don't believe in ferries," joked Skratch.

Wednesday, April 02, 2014

The Wabbit on the Conspiracy Express

The Wabbit and Wabsworth, the Wabbit's android double, took the high speed train to Milan and back. This was for security reasons and because they liked it. The Wabbit visited the refreshments coach, leaving Wabsworth to read a John le Carré novel. He returned to catch Wabsworth's worried look. "What's up Doc?" he asked. Wabsworth frowned. "I'm unhappy with deceiving our friends." The Wabbit grinned a lopsided grin. "What's the word from our enemies?" Wabsworth laid down his book and turned. "They're convinced we're arguing and think we're a spent force." The Wabbit raised an eye, so Wabsworth continued. "They've turned their attentions to things they consider more important." Now the Wabbit beamed. "That was the idea. They musn't see what we're about to do." Wabsworth faced the Wabbit squarely. "Sometimes Wabbit. I disapprove of you." "Me too," shrugged the Wabbit. "I suppose I am a copy of you." moaned Wabsworth. The Wabbit spoke gently. "Sometimes we have to work for the greater good." Wabsworth nodded carefully and reached for his book. "When's the launch?" "Soon," said the Wabbit. "Who's presiding?" asked Wabsworth. "Unut the Goddess," replied the Wabbit. "No-one knows where we're going?" said Wabsworth. "Only me and even then, I only have a rough idea." "Quo vadis?" queried Wabsworth. "Follow me," answered the Wabbit.

Monday, March 31, 2014

The Wabbit's Conspiracy Caffè

The Wabbit hailed his guests cheerfully. "What will everyone have!"  Lapinette stared steadfastly at the bar while Skratch the Cat gave the orders. "We're having particularly large aperitivi and we're rather thirsty." "Subito!" cried the Wabbit and he snapped a paw for service. Skratch caught the Wabbit's eye. "Today, you should be the one to answer the question, Wabbit." "Not at all! Do us the honour, Skratch," said the Wabbit, "what was that for a type of adventure?" So Skratch placed a paw on a convenient table and leaned forward. "Technically speaking, it was a conspiracy but conspiracy falls short of being a single genre." "Because any adventure can be a conspiracy if you stare hard enough at it," added Lapinette. Skratch purred gently. "I believe that a conspiracy adventure has to be labyrinthine." "Mmm," said Lapinette. "I'm not sure the last adventure had the serial complexity that labyrinthine conspiracy requires." Skratch shook his head. "Well, the thing about conspiracy adventures is that they're never really over." Lapinette looked directly at the Wabbit. "I'm uncertain whether we've had the full story - or whether there's more to unravel." "Like a cat with a ball of wool?" suggested the Wabbit. "Cats have got better things to do than unravel balls of wool," grunted Skratch. "Like what?" smiled the Wabbit. "Landing on our feet," said Skratch.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Dénouement and the Wabbit

The Wabbit climbed down the ladder and waited for the inevitable. "Don't you want to hear what we have to tell you?" asked Lapinette. "I'm all ears," said the Wabbit and he paused for a moment and hung from a bar and swayed. Lapinette pointed. "This whole vanishing idea thing was our idea. "What?" shouted the Wabbit. "I'm your Commanding Officer!" Lapinette put her paws on her hips and pouted. "We're a team," she said, "and we deserve to be in the know at all times and not tricked." Skratch purred gently. "So we decided to take a leaf out of your book." "And teach you a lesson," added Wabsworth. The Wabbit was horrified. "Et tu, Wabsworth?" he cried. He shook his head and looked all around for his vanishing idea. "You won't see the idea again," said Lapinette. "They were holograms," said Skratch. "Designed to make you own up." said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit appeared nonplussed. "How on earth did you get the budget for this?" "From the Dinosaur Fund, just like you," said Lapinette. "That's how we found out about the Orange Phantom mission," said Skratch. "There was an unexplained transfer of considerable size from that account." "Can't be much left in there now," said the Wabbit, ruefully. "More than enough for a big dinner," smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit brightened. "What's on the menu?" "Humble Pie," laughed Lapinette.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

The Wabbit and Electrified Thinking

The team manoeuvred the Wabbit into one of his favourite places by persuading him that the electrical energy in the Old Power Station would jog his memory - and help locate his vanishing idea. Now the Wabbit felt under pressure. "So what's the big idea, Wabbit?" called Lapinette. The Wabbit glanced around and saw that all his escaping ideas were present. The bathroom scales were to his right and the clock high to his left. He was aware that the pillow lurked to his rear and that the piggy bank and PIN number were drifting past a skylight. He knew he had to come up with something. So he dropped his head, stared at the scales and spoke. "Something's been weighing on my mind." "Spit it out!" called Skratch the Cat. "It's something I let lie on the pillow too long," said the Wabbit, "and I locked it away." "Keep going Commander," shouted Wabsworth. The Wabbit glanced up at the clock. "Now it’s time to tell you," he sighed. Everything was quiet in the vast hall and the Wabbit looked into the middle distance. "It's about our last mission with the Orange Phantoms," he stated sadly. "I organised the whole thing. It was me." If the Wabbit had expected annoyance he was sorely disappointed. "We knew that," said Lapinette. "And now we have something to tell you ..."

Monday, March 24, 2014

The Wabbit & the Unknown Link

"This doesn't look like the Highway to Hell," said the Wabbit as he made his way across the road. "Hardly anyone comes this way," said Skratch the Cat. "It's a desolate spot and no mistake." "Perfect for you to track down your vanishing idea," said Lapinette. "I can't wait here all day for an idea," said the Wabbit, huffily. "What else have you got on?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit couldn't think of a thing and shuffled uncomfortably. "Oh look," he said with relief, "there's Ghost Bunny. Have you seen my idea?" "What does it look like?" wailed Ghost Bunny. "It shifts shape." said Lapinette. "It used to be a pillow, then ..." "Oh, I'm tired of the list," said Skratch, "But one thing is certain. They all have something to do with the Wabbit." Ghost Bunny shimmered in the light, then faded and reappeared. "An idea can't have corporal form," she whispered hauntingly. "The manifestations are inseparable from you, Wabbit."  The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "Run the list past me, Wabbit," sighed Ghost Bunny. "A pillow," said the Wabbit. "Bathroom scales," said Lapinette. "A clock," said Skratch. "And a flying PIN number," said Wabsworth finally. Ghost Bunny haunted up and down then turned. "They're all linked," she wailed.

Friday, March 21, 2014

The Wabbit and the Flying PIN

Wabsworth had joined the search for the Wabbit's vanishing idea and had recommended they took the high ground. It was becoming clear that he was right. At first they couldn't see much but then they heard a soft drone, like a light plane. "Ah," said Wabsworth, feeling vindicated. "Is that your idea, Wabbit?" "It's always changing," grimaced the Wabbit. "It started as a pillow, then it became bathroom scales," said Skratch. "And last time it was speaking clock." added Lapinette. They all gazed at the flying piggy bank as it made its way across the sky. Wabsworth screwed up his eyes. "What's that at the back?" he asked. Lapinette nudged the Wabbit. "It looks like a PIN letter from the bank - is that your PIN?" "I can't see it," said the Wabbit. A deep voice boomed from above. "2 4 6 8!" and the pig vanished into the sky. "Is that it?" asked Skratch. "I've no idea," muttered the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed deeply because she knew the Wabbit hated ATMs and preferred to keep cash concealed in his fur. "I remember!" said the Wabbit and he whispered to Lapinette. "It's 3 5 7 9. It's in a song." "Two, four, six, eight, Motorway?" asked Wabsworth, who's hearing was second to none. "Now everyone knows." groaned the Wabbit, "and I have to change it." "I think I know where this idea's going," grinned Skratch. They turned to stare at him. "The Road to Hell," he purred ...
[Tom Robinson: 2-4-6-8 Motorway / 3-5-7-9 on a double white line]

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Wabbit and Idea Time

All day and through evening until late, Lapinette and the Wabbit scoured the city for the Wabbit's idea. They were going to call it a night when they caught sight of Skratch coming out of a kebab shop and they called to him. But at the same instant another object appeared just above his head. "Grab it Skratch!" called the Wabbit. "We're chasing it!" Skratch leapt high in the air and just got a paw to the edge. "Identify yourself," he screeched, "and be quick about it." "I'm the Wabbit's idea," said the object, "and it's time for me to be going." The object gradually faded then with a slight plop it disappeared. Skratch turned to the Wabbit. "What the devil is happening Wabbit? Is this a test?" The Wabbit shook his head ruefully. "It's my idea, it keeps vanishing." Lapinette chimed in. "It was a pillow, then bathroom scales and now it's a clock." Skratch gazed at the empty night. "Wabbit, how did it escape?" "I have no idea," said the Wabbit. "And you're chasing it?" asked Skratch. "That's the general idea," said Lapinette. "I'll help you look," said Skratch. The Wabbit smiled with relief. "Oh good, I had the same idea." Skratch smoothed his fur with both paws and flicked his tail. "This idea's time has come," he muttered.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Lapinette has a Good Idea

"Stop that thing!" shouted the Wabbit. Lapinette wasn't expecting to meet the Wabbit in the Metro, nor to see him in such a dramatic mood. But all the same she turned and when she did, she saw a strange object. "Who are you and what do you want?" she glared. The object merely smiled. "I'm the Wabbit's idea," it said. Then it faded and disappeared. Lapinette swiped around but there was nothing to grab, so she looked at the Wabbit sternly. "Are you up to something again, Wabbit?" "It says it's my idea and it's been eluding me all over the city," huffed the Wabbit. "It looks like bathroom scales," said Lapinette. "It keeps changing," sighed the Wabbit. "It was a pillow before." Lapinette thought for a good minute and the Wabbit thought he could hear her brain whirring. "Let's join forces," she decided," and we'll nail it." "Oh good," said the Wabbit and he grinned. "But should we entertain this particular idea?" "Let's be clear Wabbit," said Lapinette, "was it an idea or just a passing thought?" "It was the faintest glimmer of an idea," sighed the Wabbit." "Ideas are always in short supply," stated Lapinette firmly, "so when we catch up with it, we'll make it talk." "Good idea," surmised the Wabbit, "because once an idea has taken hold, it's impossible to get rid of it." "That makes our work easier," said Lapinette.

Friday, March 14, 2014

The Wabbit and the Vanishing Idea

The Wabbit was between adventures and that was a place he disliked. He had been hopping all over town desperately trying to think of an idea, when he finally arrived at Lingotto. It was a place where there was always something happening, so at first he took little notice of what he thought were new streetlamps. The Wabbit stopped in his tracks and thought hard. "These are giant lightbulbs," he said to himself, "and they're totally out of place." The Wabbit suddenly froze because he felt the germ of an idea dimly surface. "I think I have it ..!" But the moment the idea crystallised, it vanished. "Curses," said the Wabbit. "I'll try again." So he screwed up his eyes and wrinkled his nose and thought and thought. It took a full five minutes for anything to happen. Then a vague vestige of an idea seized him and he was just about to grab it, when it disappeared again. "Fiddlesticks!" thought the Wabbit. He was contemplating making one more attempt when he became aware of a floating creature to his left. "Who are you and what's your business?" he asked in a bad-tempered manner that was unlike him. "I'm your idea," said the creature. Suddenly, the creature laughed and waved at the Wabbit. But as the Wabbit reached to grasp the idea, it faded until nothing was left. "That's a dangerous idea," thought the Wabbit.