Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Wabbit buys Gold

The team moved quietly through Suburra, the ancient Roman slums. Lapinette led the search for the jewellery store, because she was an expert in goldology. The Wabbit bounced on his legs and pointed his pistol in all directions. "This isn't Starsky and Hutch, Wabbit," meaowed Skratch as he covered the rear with a steady paw. Out on the open street, Wabsworth strolled nonchalantly towards a brightly light shop. "Ah! Compro Oro, just what I've been looking for!" he said loudly and he fumbled conspicuously in his fur for a fake ring. "I hate these pawn shop places," whispered Lapinette. The Wabbit heard the snick of a safety catch and he grinned broadly. "They're full of dodgy things. What do you say Skratch?" "I never used them," said Skratch who had been a cat burglar. "I preferred professionals." Wabsworth hoped closer to the entrance and raised his voice. "A whole window of shiny shiny things, how lovely." Lapinette twitched her super ears at a faint snickering. "They're behind the paper-thin walls." "We nailed them," said the Wabbit. "They're just begging for it." "Begging for what?" asked Skratch. "The old switcheroo," replied the Wabbit. "Just the thing for the New Year," laughed Lapinette. "I'd quite forgotten what day it was," said the Wabbit, "what with all the excitement." There was clang from the shop shutters and the Wabbit bared his 28 teeth. "Let's roll 'em."

Monday, December 30, 2013

The Wabbit gets to Cinecittà.

"That's torn it!" Wabsworth and Skratch jumped because the Wabbit had crept up behind them. "Sorry folks," murmured the Wabbit. "He moves fast, that Moloch god." Wabsworth pointed. "Are these seven league boots?" "That's only in fairy tales," said Skratch. "It's a fictional enormity." They put their paws over their ears as Moloch crashed a foot and gave a mighty cry that echoed across the backlot. The thin walls of the film sets shook and rattled. "Where is the Ring of Fulvius?" he roared. "Give - me - back - my - Ring!" They could only watch as Moloch stamped up and down and howled. Wabsworth nudged Skratch. "Can you see the Agents of Rabit?" Skratch narrowed his eyes. "Up there on the archway?" "Arco di Traiano," said the Wabbit archly. "All is artifice, Wabbit" remarked Skratch, "did you bring the Snazer guns?" "They're in the jeep," said the Wabbit. "I parked it over on the streets of New York." "I hope its still there," smiled Wabsworth. "So many gangs." The Wabbit grinned and waved a paw. "Let Moloch distract the Agents and we'll sneak round the back." "I wonder what happened to his ring?" mused Skratch. The Wabbit thought. "Now where would Agents hide it?" "A finger?" said Wabsworth. "Maybe," said the Wabbit, looking at a paw. Skratch's eyes glinted and he purred softly. "A jewellry shop!"

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Wabsworth draws out the Agents

Skratch the Cat spoke into his walkie-talkie a hushed meaow. "The Agents are here Commander!" The radio crackled gently. "Yes, Wabsworth is just hopping discreetly, as you asked." The radio crackled again. "He has his paw in his fur, just as you said. Yes yes." Skratch waited then nodded frantically. "Of course they saw him, you can't miss him." There was a very long crackle from the radio. "OK we'll go in now." The radio whined slightly and Skratch tightened his paw grip on the rado and spoke tersely. "I know we don't need tickets, Wabbit. You have a prior arrangement. Out."  Skratched sighed a long sigh and whispered to Wabsworth. "Just wait nonchalently for a second and then turn back and join me. We're going in." "I'm looking for my pass," murmured Wabsworth. Skratch sighed. "There's a prior arrangement." "We're undercover, we need to look authentically authentic," sulked Wabsworth. "You're talking like the Wabbit," grunted Skratch. "I'm an android copy I can't help it," said Wabsworth simply and he turned and hopped into the entrance with Skratch. "Did you know what Marcello Mastroianni said?" purred Skratch in a voice that he reserved for cinema talk. "I expect you're going to tell me," said Wabsworth. "Cinecittà is a symbolic and beautiful fortress. Outside is Hell!" "Better hop in then," said Wabsworth.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Puma searches for the Agents of Rabit

The Wabbit had given precise instructions. Now Puma and Terni searched the streets for the lair of the Agents of Rabit in a specific circular search pattern. Puma never had any trouble on the streets and usually they would empty in front of him. When anyone saw him, they assumed he had escaped from a collection of exotic creatures and if he encountered any difficulty he dispelled it with a mighty growl that shook windows. Terni the Food Dragon was regarded a little like the Loch Ness Monster and was good for tourism. People did not speak of sightings since they were disbelieved and indefinitely detained. "We're getting close, Terni," growled Puma, "can you see anything?" "I thought I spotted some waving ears," shouted Terni, "but they were dodgy Christmas decorations." "I can smell Agents," snarled Puma. "What do we do if we bump into them?" asked Terni. "Rend them limb from limb?" Puma snarled as he loped. "Leave that to the Wabbit, he has his own methods!" Terni snickered and swooped but Puma glanced to the left and spotted graffiti on the wall. He screeched to a halt. "They've been here Terni. Go and tell the Commander." "I'll be back in a trice," said Terni. "What is a trice?" asked Puma. "It's rather more than fast," replied Terni. He looped then flew vertically to the sky and vanished. "Very tricey," growled Puma.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

The Wabbit and the Moloch Briefing

The Wabbits were marginally faster than Moloch. With lightning speed. they dived inside the abandoned restaurant and Lapinette released Robot. Moloch stopped outside and howled loudly, then peered through the window. "Oh it's you, Wabbit." "Moloch we meet again," said the Wabbit. "And I can't recall who owes who." " Wabbit there's no need for weaponry," said Moloch. "Just tell me where they are and you can all go." "Who are they?" asked the Wabbit. "The army of the ears," said Moloch, "they swindled me." The Wabbit raised an eye, hunched and swung his snazer rifle." "They took a ring entrusted to me by Fulvius. It has magical powers," continued Moloch. The Wabbit glanced at Lapinette, who knew all about rings. Lapinette nodded and explained. "The ring was given to the spy Fulvius by Croessa, Cabiria's nurse." Moloch grunted. "With the ring they can rule the known world." "Why take Robot?" asked the Wabbit. "He knows little about rings." "He knows about the army of the ears," said Moloch. Robot's gears whined. "Is this about the Lupi?" "It's not about Roma Football Club," smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit scowled. "It's about the Agents of Rabit." "Do you have a plan?" asked Lapinette. "I do," said the Wabbit. Moloch sighed. "You know where they are?" The Wabbit bared all of his 28 teeth. "I know a lot of things."

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Wabbit and Moloch on the Beach

The Wabbit stood on the back of the the jeep and looked through his field binoculars. "There he is! There's Robot. " Lapinette squinted her eyes in the sun. "What does it say on his monitor?" "It says Help!" said the Wabbit with a wry grin. "Robot's always to the point," murmured Lapinette and she strained her super ears. "I can hear Moloch muttering." The Wabbit waited silently. He could hear something too but no words, so he kept quiet. "OK," said Lapinette finally. "He says he's the spectre of genius and he won't stand for interference." "Who by?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette's eyes narrowed to a single point. "The ghastly agents who's ears are armies." The Wabbit lowered his binoculars. "The Agents of Rabit! They've been much too quiet." Lapinette's ears quivered. "What on earth did they do to annoy Moloch?" The Wabbit lifted his binoculars. "Now he's turning!" "And he's waving his arms," said Lapinette. "Now he's spotted us," said the Wabbit, "and he's coming over here." "Oh, what to do?" asked Lapinette casually. "Get in his way?" suggested the Wabbit and he shrugged. Lapinette's ears flapped in a sudden wind. "Waaaaaaaaaabits!" yelled Moloch.

Monday, December 23, 2013

The Wabbit gives Christmas Orders

"All right everyone, look alive!" shouted the Wabbit and he made a circular motion with his paw. Lapinette spoke fiercely into her walkie talkie to Terni the Dragon. "Do you have visual?" The radio crackled. "Moloch is heading down the coast." Lapinette’s voice was brisk. "Follow him and locate Robot. Advise but do not extract." The Wabbit issued orders. "Snail, block the road to the south at Fiumicino." He looked across at Turbina the Jet Car. "Wabsworth and Skratch. Stay in contact with Terni and rendezvous at Control Point Carrot." He looked all around with narrowed eyes. "Where’s Puma?" "Just arrived at Rome Termini." replied Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded. "Tell him to change to the train for Maccarese. We’ll pick him up." Wabsworth revved Turbina’s enigine and Snail wiggled his antennae. Lapinette nudged the Wabbit. "There’s more to this Moloch business than a kidnapping." "And the rest!" said the Wabbit, "so let’s proceed cautiously. We’ll isolate Moloch and interrogate him."  "Remember, he’s a bit of a vengeful God," said Lapinette. The Wabbit stiffened. "I eat vengeful Gods for breakfast." "That explains your indigestion," smiled Lapinette and she crashed her jeep into gear and shot off down Via di Porta Angelica. 

Friday, December 20, 2013

The Wabbit and the coming of Moloch

Before they saw anything, the team heard the crashing of boulders and a bellowing that made the rooftops shake. Then he came down the path, his mighty feet thumping the bare earth. "It’s Moloch!" said the Wabbit. "But he’s got new clothes." "I thought he gave up the sacrifice business," whispered Lapinette. "Maybe it was too much of a sacrifice," commented Wabsworth. The Wabbit groaned and Lapinette joined him while Moloch continued to stomp down the hill. But he was so busy kicking things that he didn’t spot anyone. The team strained their ears to make sense of the bellowing. "I’ll get them," said Moloch, "I’ll make them pay for meddling with Moloch the Great One." The Wabbit and Lapinette put their heads together. "Who’s them?" they whispered. "Quiet," said Wabsworth, "he’s talking again." "What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open their skulls and ate up their brains?" howled Moloch. "Their skulls?” muttered the Wabbit, "he used to have a better line in jokes." "Another sacrifice?” suggested Wabsworth. "I just heard him say Robot!" murmured Lapinette, who had the best ears. The Wabbit recoiled suddenly and spoke too loudly. "Moloch must be holding Robot."  Moloch screeched. "Even the rough streets speak!" and he stamped on. "We’d better follow him," said the Wabbit. "Well it shouldn’t be hard," said Wabsworth.
["What sphinx of cement ... ate up their brains?" from Howl by Allen Ginsberg]

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Wabbit and the Signals

Susan the Biplane flew to Rome at lightning speed and dropped sharply to Via Sannio Market. "Down there!" yelled Lapinette. "That's our signals marshall," said the Wabbit. Susan sniffed because she felt she didn't need one. "He's saying forward and right," explained the Wabbit. "I didn't know we had a signals marshall," said Lapinette. "Oh, you never know when you might need one," said the Wabbit. Susan dipped her wings, then Lapinette shook her ears and asked, "How did Wabsworth get here so quickly?" "Turbina the Jet Car," stated the Wabbit." Now Lapinette was completely astonished, because she knew that Turbina was very picky about her drivers. "We're rather close to that bus stop," said Lapinette. "No Ma'am," murmured Susan and she landed neatly, coasting past Wabsworth to the right as indicated. The propeller died and the Wabbit hopped down. "What's the word on Robot?" "Nothing," said Wabsworth, "but there are reports of a troublesome rampaging God." "The worst kind," moaned the Wabbit. "Description?" asked Lapinette. "Tall, enormous mouth, wings, a big "M" insignia." The Wabbit's eyes glinted dangerously. "I know him."

Monday, December 16, 2013

The Wabbit & the Christmas Mission

The team left the Adventure Caffè, but Lapinette heard a crackle on her radio and hung back. She placed a paw on the Wabbit's arm and spoke urgently. "Where?" The radio crackled again. "How?" The Wabbit cringed because he knew this was serious. His eyes drifted upwards and he spotted his friend, Tenri the Food Dragon, circling high above. Lapinette signed off and looked at the Wabbit and the Wabbit looked back with a wrinkly nose. "Rome for Christmas?" he said. Lapinette nodded. "Robot was in Rome for a football match, but he's gone missing." "That's not like him. He usually comes back waving a scarf and whirling a noisy thing." Lapinette frowned. "The word is he's been kidnapped along with some other luminaries." "Any sign of a ransom note?" asked the Wabbit. "Not so far," said Lapinette. The Wabbit made a funny sound with his teeth." "When do we leave?" "It'll take a day to get organised," said Lapinette. "I'll get my stuff," said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked surprised because she thought the Wabbit kept everything in his fur. "What kind of stuff?" "Kidnapping stuff," he hissed. Lapinette took a deep breath. "How shall we travel?" "Mob-handed*," said the Wabbit. 
[*Mob-handed: In considerable numbers, looking for trouble]

Friday, December 13, 2013

The Wabbit & a new Adventure Caffè

In a new caffè some way out of town, the team gathered to discuss the latest adventure. Skratch arrived late and paused at a wine barrel to beat a jolly tune with his paws. "Oh oh oh. What was that," he sang, "for a sort of adventure for a cat?" "I'll answer this time," said Wabsworth. "Do tell," smiled Lapinette. "It was modernist, yet anti realist," stated Wabsworth solemnly. Skratch had taken some time to warm to Wabsworth but he nodded his head approvingly. "Mmm, yes" said Skratch and then he grinned. "But I'm not anti realist as such," he said. "I just prefer a different realism." The Wabbit chipped in. "How many realisms are there anyway?" Lapinette pointed and counted round the group. "Four to start with!" "I fear we're falling into the pit of relativism," said the Wabbit and nudged Lapinette under the table. "How deep is that?" asked Wabsworth. "River deep, mountain high!" said Skratch. Everyone laughed and laughed, but the Wabbit decided that frivolity had gone too far. "The service here is a little slow," he commented and now I'm thirsty." "I'll have a Cabiria," said Wabsworth. "It might be a while. I think the waiters have been kidnapped," said the Wabbit.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The Wabbit and the Dimensional Regularisor

The Wabbit and Wabsworth assembled everything they could find and made a Dimensional Regularisor. The Wabbit had shrugged and said “How hard can it be?” and they made it in no time. Now, via a secret passage known only to the Wabbit, they located in a hidden corner of the Late Tunnel and pedalled up the eco-generator. Inside the tram, it looked as if nothing had happened, but the Wabbit could see Lapinette was suddenly aware and looking out the window. “Everyone keep calm,” muttered the Wabbit to no one in particular. He gave the generator another three turns for luck and shouted to Wabsworth. "Hit it!" Sparks shot from electrodes and two lightning bolts leapt across the void to hit the Regularisor they had fashioned from an old flight controller. The reggae creatures assembled into groups as the tram started to shimmer. "I think its working," said the Wabbit. "I had no doubt," said Wabsworth. "So what do we do for an encore?" mused the Wabbit. "Replace all the lost and found objects I suppose. That might be fun." Wabsworth smiled broadly. "What about the Number Nine Tram and passengers? I suppose we should bring them back to normal life." "What's that like?" asked the Wabbit.

Monday, December 09, 2013

The Wabbit and Wabworld W.

Wabsworth, the Wabbit’s android double, looked on as the Wabbit rummaged through his fur for a suitable tool to fix the affects of the Late Tunnel and the Reggae Creatures. Occasionally he caught tools and placed them on the ground, but some he kept and tucked into his own fur. The Wabbit clutched one of his favourite combination gadgets and stopped. "Are we there yet?" he asked. "I think so" said Wabsworth. "I think we can make a Dimensional Regularisor from these." "I have a few more things," said the Wabbit digging deeper. "What about a power supply?" asked Wabsworth. "I have a battery pack and a multi connector," said the Wabbit." "Or a wind-up eco special, made to help the Third World." Wabsworth shook his head. "How many worlds are there?" "I rather lost count," shrugged the Wabbit. "So what about our world?" asked Wabsworth. "We don’t have a number," said the Wabbit. "We exist in a different space." "Nevertheless," announced Wabsworth with passion, "it should have a designation." The Wabbit paused, then explained that three working parties and no less than seven task forces had failed to agree and were still arguing about it. "My suggestion is "Wabworld W," said the Wabbit. "I like that," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit grinned a very broad grin indeed.  "That now makes two of us."

Friday, December 06, 2013

The Wabbit and the Market Psyche

Just as Wabsworth replied "Yes and No", the scene changed. "Are we still in your wabitronic psyche?" asked the Wabbit. "Yes," said Wabsworth. "This is a part of your psyche I left unchanged." "Why?" asked the Wabbit. Wabsworth smiled, even though he was an android. "I suppose it's respect for your organisation of things." The Wabbit looked all around as they ambled through the market. "It's neater than I thought." Wabsworth nodded vigourously. "This is a psychic sub routine for finding things. Everything we need is - somewhere." The Wabbit shrugged. "Something for sorting out the effect of the Late Tunnel," he murmured. "And the reggae creatures," said Wabsworth. "One thing, Wabsworth," said the Wabbit, "are we here or not here?" Wabsworth turned and shrugged exactly like the Wabbit. "Everything is here and not here." "Are we still in the Late Tunnel then?" "More or less," said Wabsworth. "We're are also not there, but no-one there has a clue we're not there." "Or not here," commented the Wabbit. "You're getting the hang of this," chuckled Wabsworth. "So what do we need?" asked the Wabbit. Wabsworth smiled maliciously. "What have you got in your fur?" "A Hadron Collider," suggested the Wabbit. "That's a sledgehammer to crack a nut," said Wabsworth." "I've got a sledgehammer," said the Wabbit.

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

The Wabbit in the Drawing Room

Now that he was inside Wabsworth's wabitronic psyche, the Wabbit looked all around. Then he looked at Wabsworth and thought. When the Wabbit's android double, Wabsworth came into being, he was a copy of the Wabbit. But time had passed and Wabsworth had laid down his own thoughts and ways of doing. The Wabbit knew this and he was used to it. "Nice drawing room," he said. "Most minimalist." "I've been working on your psyche," said Wabsworth, "and this is the result." The Wabbit briefly wondered where he would put his collection of scratchy old records, but he moved swiftly to the matter in paw. "What's going on?" Wabsworth stuck a paw in his fur and inclined his ears, just like the Wabbit. "Did you notice the shape of the reggae creatures from the Late Tunnel?" The Wabbit shook his head. "They're equations," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit shook his head again. "Schrödinger's equations," added Wabsworth. "You became entangled with objects important to you. But I'm afraid they're both here and not here at the same time." "We're here though, aren't we?" queried the Wabbit. "Yes and no," said Wabsworth.

Monday, December 02, 2013

The Wabbit in the Wabitronic Psyche

As his singing died away, the Wabbit found himself floating ethereally outside the Tram. Suddenly he caught sight of Wabsworth's disembodied head floating equally ethereally above him and he could hear his voice repeating something. "Concentrate on me, Wabbit. concentrate on me, Wabbit. Concentrate on me, Wabbit." So the Wabbit concentrated very hard indeed. "What's happening, Wabsworth?" he croaked. "You're so desperately entangled," said Wabsworth, "that I've been forced to image you inside my wabitronic psyche." The Wabbit's eyes glazed slightly but he could hear Wabsworth speaking softly. "In this space, we can begin to disentangle everything." "What about the tram?" asked the Wabbit. "I've suspended tram and passengers," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit looked at the tram and he could see everything was roughly the same. "What about the reggae creatures?" asked the Wabbit. "Especially them," said Wabsworth. "We need to embark on urgent discussions, so will you come to my wabitronic drawing room?" "I didn't know you had a drawing room," said the Wabbit in a surprised voice. "We all have a drawing room," laughed Wabsworth. "How else did we come into being?"