Friday, March 16, 2018

8. The Wabbit and the Coveted Coin

The Agents grinned. The rabbit had come back and she'd brought what they wanted. Tipsy sat down and polished the coin with the hem of her frock. She hummed gently in a beguiling tone that the two Agents found mesmerizing. She rocked the coin in her arms and swayed from side to side until the lead Agent lost his temper. "You've had too much to drink," he sneered. "Oh, I'd love a little dwink," said Tipsy, "Do you have one?" She held the coin aloft. "Look I can pay - with this money." "Give us the coin," yelled the Agent angrily. Tipsy swayed. "Where's my dwink?" The Agent sighed and turned to look at the Wabbit. The Wabbit seemed to be unconscious so he turned back. But the Wabbit had raised himself to a crouch. "The coin," said the Agent. He gestured at Tipsy. "All right," smiled Tipsy. With a sudden twist, she propelled the coin into the air. The Agents grabbed at it in a flurry of paws, but it escaped their grasp. The Wabbit watched it hover. He lurched to his feet and pulled Lapinette's automatic from his fur. In a second that felt like an age, he tilted the gun to the side and fired. The coin sheared and a fragment flew off. The lead Agent howled. "Kill them. Kill them both." The other Agent shouted, "You do it."  He turned and ran from the room. The Wabbit heard gunfire from the corridor, followed by a heavy thud. He rubbed his head and grinned. "I think I'm in charge now."

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

7. Lapinette and the Quick Change

Lapinette took off and ran in search of a coin. She figured any coin would be enough to stall the Agents and she'd seen plenty of coins in museum displays. She flashed down a never ending series of corridors. Artifacts flew past on both sides - but where were the coins? She heard a voice. A figure was running towards her, carrying a large coin that bore a rabbit engraving. "Lapinette!" yelled Tipsy. They slid to a halt. "I'm taking your place." said Tipsy. She shrugged off her frock and threw it on the floor. Lapinette looked puzzled. "Orders," said Tipsy. With lightning speed they changed frocks. "But what about our ears?" sighed Lapinette. "Mine are cosmetic," grinned Tipsy. She unclasped her ear covers and gave them to Lapinette. Now Tipsy was Lapinette. She tucked the coin into her fur. "Where are they?" Lapinette thought for a moment. "Ten corridors down, two left, three right." Tipsy started to run, but Lapinette called her back. "What am I supposed to do now?" "Fitzy and Mitzy will find you." Tipsy sped on and Lapinette sped the other way. But only for a moment. When Tipsy was out of sight, she turned and followed her. She padded the many corridors at a stealthy pace but when she heard voices, she stopped. She checked Tipsy's frock. There was one automatic, an edged weapon and a hand held precision missile. She grinned a lopsided grin like the Wabbit, and breathed. "Everything a girl needs."

Monday, March 12, 2018

6. Lapinette and the Coin Gang

The Agent swung Lapinette into the room by an ear and her automatic flew out of her paw. She slithered across the floor. The Wabbit lay prone, moaning as if he'd been dragged out of bed early. The lead agent shook Lapinette. "Now go and get it!" he yelled. He shook her some more. "Get what?" asked Lapinette. Her head swam. "The coin. Get the coin," said the lead Agent. Lapinette shook her head and played for time. "I don't know anything about coins." The Agent laughed. "You're an expert in numismatics. We don't have all day, get the coin." Lapinette did know a great deal about coins and puzzled desperately. What coin were they so desperate to acquire? She had no clue. The other agent viciously kicked the Wabbit. "We're wasting time." "She knows where it is," said the lead Agent. He looked at Lapinette and snarled. "You have 5 minutes to get us the coin." He slapped the Wabbit's ear viciously back and forward, and yelled at Lapinette. "Five minutes. Start running or the Wabbit's toast." Lapinette spotted the Wabbit's ear fluttering a strange rhythm. "Morse Code!" thought Lapinette. She watched carefully as the ear twitched .-. ..- -. "Run," translated Lapinette. She staggered to her feet. "I'll get it," she nodded - and she ran. The Agents watched her go. But behind them, the Wabbit was reaching for the fallen automatic ...

Friday, March 09, 2018

5. Lapinette and the Deadly Pursuit

Lapinette flew through corridor after corridor. Each was lined with old coins and each looked exactly the same as the last. She could hear voices and her feet skimmed the museum floor as she followed the sounds. They didn't seem so far away, but the museum was a labyrinth and it was hard to tell where they came from. She heard a bang, then a shout - followed by a racket and a bit of a hubbub. It seemed like the Wabbit was giving as good as he got, but she couldn't be certain. The Agents of Rabit were tricky and their methods unsavoury, so she ran even faster. Suddenly she slithered to a halt and peered around a corner. She could see two Agents pulling the Wabbit into a room, laughing their derisive laugh as they went. "Not so smart now, Wabbit!" said one. She crouched low and waited. A chair slammed against a wall, then a sudden slap cracked like a whip. She heard the Wabbit say something and there were two more slaps. "Wabbit, this is not the time for jokes." It was only a murmur under Lapinette's breath but it was too loud. A door flew open and an Agent peered out. She rapidly aimed and fired. The Agent clutched his foot and screamed and swore like a trooper. Then he grabbed Lapinette by the ears and dragged her into the room ...

Wednesday, March 07, 2018

4. The Wabbit and the Sudden Assault

The Wabbit and Lapinette gave Rover the slip in the backstreets and took refuge. The museum was the perfect place and there wasn't a soul there - or so they thought. "We gave him the slip!" grinned the Wabbit. They happily prowled the antiquities. "Too darn quiet," murmured the Wabbit, pointing at this and that. "Did I hear footsteps?" asked Lapinette. "Mice" suggested the Wabbit. This time Lapinette wasn't happy. "Big sounding mice," she said. "With enormous ears?" laughed the Wabbit. They shrugged and prowled on. It happened with sudden speed. The Wabbit glimpsed shadow ears and turned, only to meet the fist of an Agent of Rabit. The Wabbit saw a flash and rather pretty stars. Then things went black and he toppled to the floor. Lapinette wheeled and pulled out an automatic. But the Agents were too fast and they raced along the corridors dragging a dazed Wabbit behind them. Lapinette chased them, firing as she went. But she was afraid to hit the Wabbit and her shots went wide, hitting only shadows. She jumped to avoid bullets as they ricocheted. With her ears against a wall, she paused to think. One thing was sure. Every time the Wabbit said it was quiet, something happened. She dropped another clip into her automatic. "Too loud around here for me." She moved so quickly, she seemed to vanish. Now the corridors echoed to only one sound. The silence of one rabbit running.

Monday, March 05, 2018

3. The Wabbit and the Scenic Spin

Lapinette and the Wabbit took the jeep for a spin along the coast. It was dusk and the street lights painted buildings a garish yellow. Shadows danced merrily as Lapinette sped along the coast. The Wabbit's teeth chattered a hectic tattoo and his bones shook, so he hung on tight and looked around. It was just too quiet. "It's too quiet," he shouted. "You're never happy," replied Lapinette. There was no one around and any amount of space, so Lapinette pulled sharply on the handbrake and span around in a circle. A cloud of grit flew in the air and stung the Wabbit's face. "Happy now?" grinned Lapinette. "Ecstatic," replied the Wabbit. "Shall we go to the museum then?" suggested Lapinette. She gunned the throttle and tore under the viaduct. "It's closed," said the Wabbit. "I have a key," said Lapinette. The Wabbit knew Lapinette had a key, but he also knew it was a skeleton key that fitted every lock in the known world. His eyes twinkled. "Yes, let's go." He grabbed hold as Lapinette suddenly pulled another handbrake turn and swerved back under the viaduct. "Wrong way?" mumbled the Wabbit. Lapinette gestured with her ears and the Wabbit turned. A giant white ball was hard on their heels - and as it rolled, it whined like a fairground siren. "It can't be Rover," gasped Lapinette. "Lose him!" yelled the Wabbit. Lapinette jumped hard on the throttle and they vanished in a cloud of fumes ..

Friday, March 02, 2018

2. The Wabbit at the Adventure Hotel

The Adventure Hotel had been difficult to find. But after a bone shaking drive along a narrow track behind the hippodrome, there it was. "Commander, welcome!" meaowed Skratch the Cat. "Your private quarters await," smiled Wabsworth. He waved to indicate the building.  Lapinette indicated her approval. The Wabbit's eyes sparkled. "Not too far from the bar, I hope?" "Aperitivi on the way," purred Skratch. "Drinks are free if it rains," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit looked up at an unyielding blue sky, looked down and spread his paws. "How is this Adventure progressing?" he asked. "This is not an adventure, you're on special vacation, Commander," said Wabsworth. "Rest and relaxation," meaowed Skratch. "Refreshment and recuperation," continued Wabsworth. "Not to mention Rock and Roll," winked Skratch. The Wabbit glanced at Lapinette. "I get the drift." "So we'll leave you alone now," said Wabsworth. "We're in the main building if you need us," added Skratch. The Wabbit frowned and so did Lapinette. "You're both staying?" "Protection," meaowed Skratch. He hissed and crouched, then waved his paws up and down. "Protection who from?" asked Lapinette. "Enemies," growled Wabsworth. "I'd be quite lost without them," sighed the Wabbit.

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

1.The Wabbits on Wedding Vacation

The Wabbit and Lapinette wandered around their honeymoon destination with hardly a care in the world. There was no Department, or paperwork or enemies. It was sunny and quiet - almost idyllic - as Siracusa basked in a late Sicilian heat wave. The Wabbit swept Lapinette in the air and smiled. Lapinette's eyes fluttered. "What about the Adventure Caffè?" "Ah yes," replied the Wabbit; "How the binky are we going to find out what kind of adventure we had?" Lapinette threw up her arms and yelled. "We'll have to do it ourselves - without Skratch." The Wabbit smirked in delight. "Skratch directed it." "He'll certainly know then," said Lapinette. She looked straight at the Wabbit as he gave it deep thought. "I'm not sure," he said; "I'm certain he'd question any form of intentionality." Lapinette pirouetted. "Skratch is not given to auteurism." The Wabbit pirouetted too. "But he gave our adventure a style which played with dynamics of spectacle and emotion." Lapinette knew what she was talking about when it came to spectacle. "Skratch defied convention and placed the reception before the wedding." The Wabbit struck a pose. "That strategy was dark, dangerous and difficult - and involved falling from giant clocks." Lapinette nodded, but she'd noticed something from the corner of her eye. "Did you see an Agent of Rabit?" The Wabbit winked and shrugged and winked again. "Maybe he's on holiday?"
[auteurism : "auteurist criticism located the creative center of a film in the controlling perspective of the director."]

Monday, February 26, 2018

11.The Wabbit's Honeymoon Swoop

Susan the Biplane extracted the Wabbit and Lapinette from the gallery of the Film Museum and swooped along Via Garibaldi. The Wabbit grinned ear to ear. "Where are we going, Susan?" Susan waggled her wings and her voice crackled over the radio. "I'm transporting Mr and Mrs Wabbit to the Adventure Hotel of course." The Wabbit gulped. Lapinette laughed and gazed down. People looked tiny in the streets, but she waved to them anyway and threw down a flower. With a sudden roar of her engines, Susan tore wildly around the city. She flew like she'd never flown, in an acrobatic display that astonished the Wabbit. She whizzed down Corso Svizzera and across to Lingotto. She skimmed the River Po and buzzed the funicular railway all the way up to Superga. Then she plunged steeply to Piazza Vittorio Veneto. The Wabbit clung to the fuselage with one paw and gripped Lapinette's paw with the other.  "Are you looking for a promotion, Susan?" he gasped. Susan's radio crackled. "This tour is a wedding gift from the Department." The Wabbit shrugged suspiciously. "And ..?" Susan's engine changed note. "And you're wanted back on duty in 24 hours." The Wabbit's 28 teeth flashed momentarily. He smashed his radio on the fuselage and let it slip from his paws. "Take your time," grinned the Wabbit.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

10. Wabbit, Lapinette and a Wedding

The scene faded in and the crowd gaped. There was applause for the Wabbit and Lapinette but a thunderous roar for ex Cardinal Lapin, whose face now beamed down from every restaurant counter in Turin. Lapin's voice echoed through the vast hall of the Film Museum. "We are gathered together to unite these two rabbits in marriage." A hush fell. "Some say not before time," added Lapin. The glint in his eye lit up the whole space. Waves of polite laughter rippled through the audience but then a silence fell as Lapin whispered inaudibly, "Where's the ring, Wabbit!" This flashed on the screen as sub titles. The collective intake of breath prompted some to quietly shed a tear. "I have it in my fur," said the Wabbit. The audience cringed as he searched frantically, producing several items, none of them matching a ring. Lapinette smiled. "It's stuck to your paw, Wabbit." The audience cheered. "Throw me the ring," suggested Lapinette. Her head nodded and her ears trembled. The audience gulped as the Wabbit measured the distance and flicked the ring in the air. It sparkled and span and looped twice before it headed straight for Lapinette's left paw, where it stuck like glue. Lapin smiled blessings. "You may kiss the bride." But the Wabbit had already begun.

Monday, February 19, 2018

9. The Wabbit and the Subtitled Bed

Moloch removed his restraining hands and the Wabbit and Lapinette dropped onto a giant, heart-shaped bed. Lapinette bounced a few times. The Wabbit tucked in and gazed at Lapinette. But cheering ensued so they turned to stare out from a giant movie screen at an adoring audience. Lapinette giggled. "What about all these people?" "This bed feels much too comfy to bother about them," whispered the Wabbit. Applause broke out. "Can they hear us?" asked Lapinette. The audience laughed and whistled and cheered. "We seem to have sub titles," murmured the Wabbit. His words flashed up on the screen as sub titles. The audience repeated them loudly. Clapping spread around the venue. "Maybe they'll go away!" sighed Lapinette. This met with laughter - the Wabbit and Lapinette could do no wrong and their ecstatic audience repeated and cheered every word they uttered. "Wonderful," shouted a critic. "Groundbreaking!" yelled another. The Wabbit decided to go along with things and faced the audience directly. "Technically speaking, we're both supposed to keep one foot on the floor." The audience laughed for some time. Lapinette made a mock scowl. "Wabbit! That stopped in 1965." The crowd screeched and howled and stamped their feet as if they'd never heard a joke before. The Wabbit fumbled around at the back of the bed and found a switch. The screen suddenly grew dark. "Roll credits," murmured the Wabbit.

Friday, February 16, 2018

8. The Wabbit and the Photo House

The balcony tilted and the Wabbit and Lapinette slid downwards into a strange space, entirely composed of movie portraits. They thought they would crash to a floor that was indefinite and could hardly be seen. But Moloch was there to help and he spread his strong arms to prevent them plummeting down a wall of photos. "This is the Hall of Glamour," said Moloch. The Wabbit gazed along the portraits. "It's a bit steep," he observed. He clung onto Moloch's arm and gazed down. "What's at the bottom?" asked Lapinette. "The Well of Fame," replied Moloch; "but you really don't want to visit. It's a long way down - and shallower than you think." "I didn't take even one of these photos," said the Wabbit. Moloch cast large eyes up and along. He sighed. "I'm quite upset my own portrait's not here. You know, I used to be famous in the old silent movie days." "I think we'll all be here some day," said Lapinette. "But in the mean time," asked the Wabbit; "how do we get out?" Moloch's eyes twinkled. "We have to ask the stars." Lapinette thought she would try, so she addressed the portraits directly. "What's the way out?" A murmuring commenced and it sounded much like a conversation. Then a single voice spoke. "Just think yourselves out." Lapinette looked at all the pictures. "Who said that?" "Me" confessed the Wabbit.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

7. The Wabbit and a Plunge from Time

The Skuttle moved too close to the clock and nudged it. It creaked ominously. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and the Wabbit looked back with gritted teeth. Something snapped and things started to fall apart. Clock hands fell like giant spears. The crowd looked up in horror as Lapinette tumbled from the clock face. With a crack like rotten wood, the Wabbit's second hand broke away. He twisted and grabbed it firmly. Then with a thrust he slowed Lapinette's wild descent, but together with the hand, they continued to fall. The crowd oohed and aahed. The Wabbit angled the clock hand near to vertical and when it hit the ground he twisted with all his might. They vaulted back up, to a massive cheer. Lapinette grabbed a balcony and scrambled on, but the Wabbit disappeared below her. Moments later he was back. Applause broke out. "I'm getting to like this," he grinned. He was on his way down again - but Lapinette grabbed him just before he plunged and swung him safely onto the balcony. A cheer from the crowd was quickly followed by a fearful gasp. Visitors scattered as the giant hand crashed down and stuck quivering in the ground. The crowd roared and roared for more. So the Wabbit waved limply and made an impromptu speech about the fragility of time. Lapinette waved too and turned to the Wabbit with a sigh of relief. "What shall we do for our next trick?" gasped the Wabbit.

Monday, February 12, 2018

6. The Wabbit and the 10 Hour Clock

The Wabbit's installation was his own idea. This was quite a surprise because he disapproved of such things. But it seemed like a good intervention to both liven up the photo exhibition and make a point. The Wabbit's plan had interested Lapinette. "It will send a message about power, time and the oppression of the working rabbit." She suggested they dive from the roof and hang on opposite clock hands. Both would appear to pull in opposite directions, representing the plight of the working collective and the ambiguous nature of time itself. The dive was relatively easy but the grab was difficult. Wabbit hung perilously from the minute hand. "So far so good," he gasped. Lapinette dangled from the hour hand and swung back and forth. But with a clang it suddenly lurched down by an hour. "It's fixed. It's not supposed to do that," snorted the Wabbit. There was a bang. Now the minute hand dropped by ten minutes, taking the Wabbit with it. He scrabbled and grunted and scowled - but he hung on. From below, the crowd cheered massively at what they thought was daring display. Another cheer from the ground alerted Lapinette. They both turned. It was a mammoth flying Skuttle, like none they'd ever seen. Blue spray shot from monster jaws. Jagged teeth gnashed. Fins thrashed. "I haven't got time for this," snapped the Wabbit.

Friday, February 09, 2018

5. The Wabbit and the Chance Guests

Lapinette was right. The public flocked to the exhibition in vast numbers. Many had their own photos and pinned them to a board. They milled around in an excited fashion, saying ooh and ah from time to time. The Wabbit introduced the show in a hushed tone he'd learned from mainstream television. Moloch loomed above everything, occasionally issuing safety instructions. The Wabbit covered the microphone and whispered to Lapinette. "How much have we taken at the box office?" "Enough to set your Dinosaur Fund to rights," laughed Lapinette. Unusually, the Wabbit's Dinosaur Fund had taken a downward turn - so the Wabbit smiled broadly and announced a raffle. Lapinette pointed to several creatures moving between rows of chairs. "Aren't these creatures Skuttles?" "Yes," agreed the Wabbit. "I''d say they're looking for the bar," murmured Lapinette. "And probably they'll find it," replied the Wabbit. He didn't appear at all phased, but Lapinette looked concerned. "Did you invite them?" "They must have heard about it somehow," shrugged the Wabbit. He moved to intercept the closest Skuttle. "May I see your ticket?" The Skuttle held up a valid ticket and the Wabbit examined it closely. "No problem," he announced. "You'll find complimentary drinks in the bar, downstairs on the right." The Skuttle scuttled off at speed. "At least we know where they are," grinned the Wabbit.

Wednesday, February 07, 2018

4. Skratch and the Spare Tickets

Skratch the Cat flourished a banner and meaowed as loud as a cat might meaow. "Remaining tickets for the Wabbit and Lapinette Photo Expo!" But passersby were few and trade sporadic. He tried screeching. "Nearly sold out, last few here." Nothing. He considered changing his pitch. "Three for the price of two. Fun guaranteed." Jenny rolled into sight. "What's happening, Skratch?" Skratch grinned ear to ear. "I'm driving business along." Jenny viewed the empty street and shook her head. "Let me assist you." She leaned to kiss Skratch and while he was distracted, stole the tickets from his paw. She waved them around threateningly. "Get your tickets now or else!" Tickets sold well. Jenny grew persistent. "Bring your own photographs. Enter the Selfie Surprise!" Soon, all tickets had gone. "Tell me about this selfie thing," said Skratch. "It's Tipsy's idea," replied Jenny; "The public buy the tickets and provide exhibits." "I should have thought of that," moaned Skratch. "Losing your touch?" grinned Jenny. She swayed in a pirate fashion. Her lips pouted. "What's that behind your back?" purred Skratch. "A photograph of a gun," said Jenny in a sultry voice. Skratch gasped in admiration and moved dangerously close. "I have a real one in my jacket," warned Jenny.

Monday, February 05, 2018

3. Tipsy and the Genial Host

Wabsworth met Tipsy from the tram. "Is that for me?" smiled Tipsy. She leaped from the tram, neatly scooping the glass of wine into her paw and draining it in a single gulp. Wabsworth produced another. "You are invited to open the Wabbit's photo expo," he explained. Tipsy hopped up and down. "Then I must pwactise my speech." Wabsworth gently shook his head. "The Wabbit said no fuss, no frills." Tipsy took a radio from under her frock and started calling. "This is a general announcement. The Wabbit and Lapinette are having a photo expo." Several voices crackled. Tipsy held the radio close to her lips and whispered. "No fruss, no fills." A lengthy series of voices shouted. Tipsy listened to them all. "No, I don't know if you're in the photos. Bwing your own." The radio bleeped and screamed. "No, don't tell a single soul." whispered Tipsy. She faced away and issued a series of breathy inaudible commands. Wabsworth's radio crackled. He lifted it to his ear and spoke. "Everything proceeds according to plan, Commander." With his other paw he refilled Tipsy's glass. She took it without looking and vanished into the tram. The doors hissed and started to close. Wabsworth squeezed through at the very last moment and called to the driver. "Movie Museum!" "Subito," said the driver ...

Friday, February 02, 2018

2. The Wabbit and the Gratis Venue

The Wabbit and Lapinette assessed the movie museum as a likely venue for their photo exhibition. They were about to make a final decision, when Moloch peered over the balcony rail. "May I be of assistance?" "We need an exhibition space," smiled Lapinette. "Then look no further," boomed Moloch. "We have all you might require: walls, seats, rest rooms, stairs, lifts - all that sort of thing. And a bar and a restaurant." "What kind of a bar?" asked the Wabbit. "Wild West of course!" replied Moloch. The Wabbit was delighted but he wanted to know how much it would cost. Moloch tut tut tutted. "No cost. I'm on the Board as the ex officio advisor on Sacrifices." "We couldn't possibly impose on your generous nature," giggled Lapinette. Moloch drew himself to his full height (which was considerable) and spoke with authority. "A not-for-profit activity in pursuit of community cohesion, attracts no particular charge." Lapinette raised a paw. "May we sell copies of our original and exciting images?" "In the shop," laughed Moloch. The Wabbit clapped his paws. "Then it's a done deal." "Just one thing," added Moloch. Lapinette and the Wabbit glanced at each other. Moloch's wings rose menacingly. "I'll be signing copies of Cabiria: Moloch's Final Cut." "What could possible go wrong?" chirped the Wabbit.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

1 The Wabbit and the Photo Show

Lapinette caught up with the Wabbit near the film museum. He was critically eyeing the street and toying with camera settings. Lapinette tapped him on the shoulder. "Wabbit, the lens cap is on." The Wabbit took a photograph. "It's fake," he chortled; "The cap is a holographic projection and to all interests and purposes, transparent." He pointed it directly at a passerby. The shutter clicked. The passerby smiled. "You'll get nothing with that cap on, me old bunny." Lapinette watched him go and grinned. "Maybe we should mount a photo show." The Wabbit thought for a moment. "How much should we charge?" "An exorbitant amount," suggested Lapinette; "People will flock." She pointed at the billboard and sighed. "Look at that, I rest my case." "Animals in Films," shrugged the Wabbit; "Always with the good deeds." "Indomitable and courageous and usually dogs," added Lapinette. The Wabbit's camera clicked again. "Not like us," he smiled. "No-one is," nodded Lapinette. The shutter fired again. "We need a theme, a venue, and a time." said Lapinette. "And a bar," added the Wabbit. "Waiters will circulate with delicious tit bits," said Lapinette. "Luminaries will make speeches," murmured the Wabbit. He thought again, long and hard. "Couldn't we just exhibit in the streets?" "Right here in our own town!" laughed Lapinette.

Monday, January 29, 2018

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

It was chilly, but they chose to sit outside anyway. Lapinette scanned the list. "What's it to be?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette wrinkled her nose. "It's all newfangled stuff." "I'll have a Prosecco Pouncer," said the Wabbit. Jenny leaned across the table and scowled. "Make mine a Rum Rockeroony." Wabsworth ran his cocktail sub routine. "Beer Runner," he announced. As Lapinette called the waiter, Skratch the Cat ambled around the corner yelling the usual question. "What would you call that for a sort of adventure?" Wabsworth smiled. "It was a form of mythological gesturing where everything indicated everything else." Skratch whisked a spare chair into position. "Like the X Files?" Lapinette raised a paw. "The inexplicable is explained through further inexplicabilities." "Nothing is knowable," laughed Skratch. There was a pause. "So how would we know that?" laughed Wabsworth. "Touché," meowed Skratch. They chortled, but Lapinette was anxious to ask a question about the adventure. "Tibbar said he was neither alive nor dead." Wabsworth leaned gently forward. "That suggests that he has the capacity to be alive or dead." The Wabbit had an idea. "Then maybe Tibbar is in a third state, in a liminality of perpetual waiting." "Where's our drinks?" sighed Lapinette.
[Wabsworth may be referring to  Lucretius, Nothing Is Knowable, and More (De Rerum Natura, 4.469-477)]

Friday, January 26, 2018

8. The Wabbit and the Lucky Charm

The Wabbit knew he couldn't detain a shape shifter. Besides, he didn't feel like it. He led Tibbar through the city and stopped near Porta Nuova Station. "You want me to take a train out of town?" asked Tibbar. The Wabbit shook his head. "Whatever you like Tibbar. Here's a gift for your travels." He delved into his fur and pulled out a band of pure carrot. It pulsed translucent orange and every few seconds it hummed pleasantly. "A tracking device?" smiled Tibbar, "It won't work on me." "It's a good luck charm," flounced the Wabbit. He plucked another object from his fur. It was an amulet comprising three double carrots, which together made up an orange star. It glinted in the streetlights. The Wabbit gently fastened the amulet to the band. "It won't work unless it's a gift." "Why?" asked Tibbar. "Because luck only happens to other rabbits," shrugged the Wabbit. "Where do the trains go?" asked Tibbar, after some thought. "Places that aren't even dreamed about," said the Wabbit with a nod. Tibbar returned the nod and set off along towards the station at a leisurely lope. Wabsworth and Lapinette hopped to catch up with the Wabbit but suddenly stopped. Traffic was in tilt. Screeching brakes and loud angry shouts rent the air. "Just a lucky charm?" said Wabsworth. "Much more than that," smiled the Wabbit.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

7. Wabsworth and the Known Foe

Wabsworth picked up the creature and pushed it to the edge of the stairs. It teetered for a second and said one word. Wabsworth hit it with the carrot. It pitched down the steps and lay crumpled in the stairwell. It shimmered and became liquid but just as quickly became solid again. It tried again without success. With a gasp, it pushed its back to the wall. It coughed. Wabsworth raised his cudgel again. "Please, No more carrots," groaned the creature. The Wabbit hopped to the bottom of the stairs and prodded the creature with a foot. "Tibbar, I thought you were dead." Tibbar groaned. "I don't think of myself as dead or alive." The Wabbit laughed, "Then I won't put out a wanted poster for you." Tibbar hissed and his eye flashed. Wabsworth shouldered his carrot and hopped down to the join the Wabbit. "I don't know this Tibbar." The Wabbit kept a careful eye on Tibbar because he knew him to be both powerful and cunning. "He's a freelance pest." Tibbar tied to shift shape but he was too weak. The Wabbit pushed him against the wall. "The body in the Carrot Club?" "That was me," said Tibbar. "And the hanging agent at the Department?" asked Wabsworth. He raised his carrot and shook it. "Me," nodded Tibbar quickly. Lapinette called from upstairs. "What about my abduction?" "Sorry," moaned Tibbar. "You'll be so sorrier," yelled Lapinette.
[Tibbar's first appearance was in an adventure called Camera Converto.  Tibbar ("rabbit" backwards) is here.]

Monday, January 22, 2018

6. The Wabbit in the Safe House

The three retired to the Safe House to talk and get to the bottom of things. "I wish Skratch was here. He could really help with this mystery," said the Wabbit. At that very moment Skratch loped into the dining room. He waved to everyone to keep quiet and gestured. Lapinette pointed to a question mark hanging where the exit sign used to be. Wabsworth gazed at his drink and pretended not to notice. Skratch hissed and waved his paws. He meaowed rapidly about his last film class. He spoke of modernism and defying erotetic models then gave a lengthy discourse on narrative structure. It seemed like gibberish but the Wabbit knew it was code. He nudged Lapinette beneath the table and winked at Wabsworth. "Let's drop the case," he smiled. "We'll never find the answer." Lapinette sensed a movement from behind the door. She picked up her glass and proposed a toast to unsolved cases. Wabsworth quietly left the room via the kitchens. Skratch continued his discourse. Lapinette's ears swivelled. She hopped silently backwards and gripped the door handle. They heard scurrying on the stairs, then a shout and a yell. Blue blood seeped under the door. Lapinette tugged the handle and it flew open. Wabsworth stood on the threshold holding an enormous carrot and grinning at something prone on the ground. He leaned down and whispered. "Busted."

Friday, January 19, 2018

5. The Wabbit and the Fight Stuff

The Wabbit and Wabsworth located Lapinette. She was sitting, dazed and confused, at the side of the road in a pool of blue blood. She shook blood from her knife."Went that way," she said. She pointed vaguely. The Wabbit reached out to support her. Wabsworth did the same. She didn't appear to be injured, but something, somewhere, had been given a dusting. "She went shat sway over there," slurred Lapinette. She gestured and began to speak in an alien tongue. Wabsworth listened carefully then touched her, repeated the words and said, "Terminate." A bolt of electricity shot between his paw and Lapinette's shoulder. The Wabbit caught her as she slumped. "What did she say?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette stirred into consciousness and spoke: "She tried to probe me. So I probed her first." "Who's she?" asked Wabsworth. "The creature, Lapinette," she answered. "You're Lapinette," said Wabsworth. Lapinette jolted. Another spark flashed, as something ethereal left her to coalesce with the pool of blue blood. The blood thinned and vanished, leaving only an oil stained sidewalk and a disappearing question mark. Lapinette blinked, grimaced and rubbed her forehead. "What happened?" The Wabbit grinned. "There was a fight." Lapinette groaned. "Who won?" "Looks like a draw," smiled the Wabbit.

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

4. The Wabbit and the Sudden Snatch.

A series of abductions were reported just where the railway line disappeared under Corso Francia. They responded quickly and scouted all around. It was a lonely spot, frequented by riff-raff and ne'er do wells - so they were on their guard. "There's something on the rails," shouted Lapinette. She peered over the fence. "It looks like a question mark." "Let's go down and have a look," said the Wabbit, waving an automatic from left to right. His gun was far from new. The safety catch had broken off a long time since, and the trigger was shiny and worn. "Steady there, Commander, that gat needs a reset," said Wabsworth. Lapinette turned to shout. "Wabbit, I think it moved into the ..." Her voice cut off suddenly. The Wabbit's head swiveled to look, but no-one was there. Lapinette had gone. They rushed to the top of the steps - but of Lapinette, there was no trace whatsoever, except for her automatic. The Wabbit picked it up, wheeled and fired three times at the rail tracks. Wabsworth's ears swayed slightly. "Commander?" "She'll hear it," shrugged the Wabbit. He poked around and kicked grass-eaten asphalt. "I'm looking for her knife," he explained. They stiffened as a bloodcurdling cry echoed from the street, followed by three more. "She still has it," smiled the Wabbit.
[gat: slang for gun. Originally derived from Gatling Gun but eventually applied to hand guns.]

Monday, January 15, 2018

3. The Wabbit and the Hanging Agent

Lapinette called urgently from the Department of Wabbit Affairs to summon the Wabbit to an incident. There, an Agent swung gently from a rope tied high on the roof, and he looked dead or close to it. "Better get him down," grimaced the Wabbit. He pulled mountaineering equipment from his fur and scaled the wall. Wabsworth took the service stairs and appeared from a skylight. "Easy now," shouted Lapinette, "All in one piece, please."  The Wabbit took a good look. "He has a note." Wabsworth swung across and grabbed it. The body swayed once more and suddenly crashed to the ground. Lapinette hopped out of the way with an angry cry. "Is he dead?" called the Wabbit. "Well he is now," scowled Lapinette. "It was the note that did it!" yelled the Wabbit. Lapinette glared. "What does the note say?" Her nose wrinkled as she gazed at the crumpled corpse. Wabsworth squinted at the scrawled message. "It says you're next." "Who's next?" asked the Wabbit. "The note writer failed to elucidate," replied Wabsworth. "Look there's a question mark, painted in blood," pointed Lapinette, "It's on a picture." Wabsworth conducted a speedy analysis. "It's not blood, it's colouring," "That's a priceless work of art," yelled Lapinette. Wabsworth moistened a paw, dabbed the question mark, and tasted it. "Food dye," he murmured.  "Too much dyeing round here," hissed the Wabbit.

Friday, January 12, 2018

2. The Wabbit and the Scene of Crime

The scene of crime was deserted except from some flimsy yellow tape, the shape of a body and dried blood. The Wabbit hopped under the tape. Wabsworth sliced it neatly and carefully initialled the cut edge. "They usually miss something," shrugged the Wabbit. He looked at the shape and whistled "I ain't got nobody," through his 28 teeth. Then he crouched to examine an ornate floor tile. "This is loose," he murmured. He levered it up. It groaned as he slid it to the side. "Oh, what is that? What is the question, Wabsworth?" "Who's been and gone and dunnit to who?" replied Wabsworth. "The perpetrator dunnit," said the Wabbit. "That's a tautology," answered Wabsworth. The Wabbit nodded his head twice -  up and down and side to side. Then he spoke: "Someone drew a question mark with the blood of the victim." "A signature?" suggested Wabsworth. The Wabbit shrugged again. "We don't know if the perp drew it." Wabsworth smiled. "OK Sherlock, who then?" "The evidence currently points to me." smiled the Wabbit. "Well it doesn't look like your signature," scowled Wabsworth. The Wabbit grinned. "Then I'm off the hook." He slid the tile back in place. "I don't think it happened here," he said. "This is just the disposal site." Wabsworth's circuits whirred, then he said: "To both implicate you and leave an indelible stain on the Carrot Club's reputation." "What reputation?" asked the Wabbit.

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

1.The Wabbit: The Carrot Club Murder

The Wabbit met Wabsworth outside a budget hotel in downtown Turin on a matter of urgency. "It's about the Carrot Club," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit was puzzled because Carrot Club matters were seldom urgent. "There's been a murder," said Wabsworth. "Who's the victim?" asked the Wabbit. Wabsworth sighed. "It seems to be me." "But you're here," said the Wabbit. He poked him sharply in the ribs to make sure. "It looks like me," said Wabsworth, "but it's not me." The Wabbit shook his head from side to side. "We'd better get down there, pronto." Now Wabsworth shook his head. "It's crawling with forensic rabbits from the Bureau of Internal Mysteries." He fished in his fur and extracted a fearsome sharpened carrot. The Wabbit touched the end. "Yow," he shouted. He sucked his paw and gasped. "You took a murder weapon from a crime scene?" Wabsworth pointed. "It has your gnaw marks on it, Commander. Look just here. And here." The Wabbit grimaced. His gnaw marks were unmistakable. "I have to ask you, Wabbit. Where were you between the hours of dusk and dawn?" The Wabbit laughed. "I was with you of course." Wabsworth frowned and the Wabbit smiled. "OK, I owe you lunch. Tell me, is it messy?" Wabsworth tucked the weapon in his fur. "Who would have thought an android had so much blood..."

Monday, January 08, 2018

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

They'd arranged to meet at the cinema caffè and then watch a movie. But the Wabbit and Lapinette wanted to surprise Wabsworth, so they lay in wait. "I think that must be him now," said Lapinette. "I can just see him crossing the road." "Leave it until he's right at the door," said the Wabbit. The cinema had many volunteers and it was Skratch's night to staff the ticket office. He was checking the till when he heard Wabsworth's voice. "What kind of Adventure did you have, while I was here holding the fort?" Skratch looked up in surprise. "How on earth did you get in?" he asked sharply "The cleaners let me in the back," said Wabsworth. He proffered a large note. "May I have four tickets please? I get the android's discount." Skratch agreed and turned to watch the Wabbit. Both Lapinette and the Wabbit were clearly oblivious to Wabsworth's arrival. He shrugged and uttered: "The adventure was as sprawling and chaotic as an adventure can be." Wabsworth took the tickets and pushed them into his coat. "Anti-narrativity is but an illusion," he said. "Textuality sutures the rift between anti-narrativity and reality." Skratch pondered this for while. "Where did you read that?" he purred. Wabsworth smiled. "I didn't read it. The cleaners told me."
[Wabsworth is possibly referring to a famous documentary, Night Cleaners made in 1975 (UK)]

Thursday, January 04, 2018

14. The Wabbit and the Wolf Storm

Terni the Dragon arrived just before the storm hit the city of Incontinentia. He flew from the corner of a blood red moon to see the team scrambling to the top of a tall block, He was just in time. Wind buffeted the building and it lurched alarmingly. Fitzy Mitzy and Tipsy clung to a street light. Puma shinned up the post behind them but he could barely get a hold. Skratch pulled Lapinette to the roof. The building swayed. The street light shook. Guttering and pipes fell to the street below. The wolf was only paint on mortar but it started to howl. Long mournful shrieks split the air. The moon dropped lower and lower until it seemed to touch the ground. "I'm coming!" roared Terni. He circled then hovered on a cloud of dragon breath. Skratch pulled everyone up and they huddled on the roof as debris whirled around them. "We could use a lift," shouted the Wabbit. Terni dropped lower and lower but the hurricane force swept him back and forth. The wolf howled louder and louder as the building started to crumble. "Better make it now!" shouted the Wabbit. Terni spat fire into the wind and, for an instant, carved a quiet space. One by one they jumped on his back and held onto his scales like grim death. "Where to?" breathed Terni. "High as you can go," yelled the Wabbit. Terni's wings tried to grip the turbulent air and he stuttered like a helicopter. It was touch and go. But the wind lost its grip for a moment and he shot skywards. The wolf's howls gradually became quieter. Far below them, the building and the city collapsed into a pile of dust. "Tidy that," muttered Lapinette.

Tuesday, January 02, 2018

13. Terni the Dragon and the Big Wind

Terni tore through the night with a message. He'd been sent to scout around but was interrupted by the weather. It was no ordinary weather and he was no ordinary dragon. With some justification, Terni considered himself a cut above most of his cohorts. The Wabbit had helped him relocate and recruited him to his team. Now he was officially a superdragon and took his responsibilities seriously. The following wind tore at his cabbage wings and pushed him forward at an incredible speed. "I have to get ahead of this wind," thought Terni. "I have to warn the Wabbit." Terni thought of food and his tummy rumbled. The resulting flatulent blast gave him an advantage and he gained ground. He kept low and skimmed across asphalt that had the colour of camels. Terni knew better than to look back because the wind was more than a wind. it was a swirling, jagged typhoon with teeth like a dinosaur. It seemed to be looking for something and for now it couldn't be bothered to destroy much. But it shrieked like a thousand banshees and swept cars into neat piles of junk. Terni saw Incontinentia looming, He wondered if maybe he should do something less dangerous - like taking Tipsy for a spin. He chortled quietly to himself. Peppery fire erupted into the bleak night air and lit the road ahead. "Hit it!" breathed Terni.