Friday, February 25, 2011

The Wabbit in the dark basement of the Goddesses

It wasn't hard for the Wabbit to see in the dark basement, coming from a great line of wabbits of a nocturnal disposition. "Looks more like a lion than a wabbit," thought the Wabbit. But as usual he felt disinclined to point it out. "If you knew what I knew, Wabbit, your fur would stand on end." The Wabbit's fur stood on end anyway. The voice was beguiling and silky smooth. "First there were the tomb robbers, then the merchants, then the so-called archaeologists. They were the worst. Bones everywhere." The Wabbit thought he could hear a little sob as the Goddess continued. "In here, in this ancient sarcophagus, lives Unut, Wabbit Goddess. They call me The Swift One." The Wabbit responded with respectful tone. "I have brought the ... stuff, Your Swiftness," said the Wabbit. "Now I will be complete," said Unut. "Come Wabbit, jump up and sit on my head. It will be like old times." Up jumped the Wabbit and took the rag, the bone and the hank of hair from his bag. In an instant they dissolved and all that was left was a little sand. "Oooh," thought the Wabbit. Unut spoke once more. "Thank you Wabbit, your mission is complete. And I am somewhat in your debt. You may request an audience with me at any time." Thank you Your Swiftness," said the Wabbit. But there was silence. Even though her eyes were completely open, she was most definitely in a deep wabbit sleep. The Wabbit detached from her head with some difficulty and as he did so, his paws made soft plopping noises. The Wabbit felt a sense of loss. He slid down the sarcophagus and flopped on the floor of the basement. Then he too fell deeply asleep.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Wabbit is admitted by Thoth, Three Times Great

The strange force pulling the Wabbit stopped without warning and he found himself staring up at a giant figure. "That looks a bit like a baboon," thought the Wabbit, but he was much too polite to say so. Then the figure spoke. "I am Thoth. Three Times Great." Thoth paused for what seemed like an eternity. Then again his booming voice echoed through the long corridors of the old museum."Great Great Great!" The Wabbits ears went quite flat as the thunderous voice swirled around him. "OK, all right," thought the Wabbit, but he decided to err on the side of courtesy. "Your Thrice Greatness, I seek the Standing Goddesses." "Yes Wabbit, my Good Fellow," said Thoth. "Jolly Good. Just sign here." A long and complicated form appeared in front of the Wabbit and it was written entirely in heiroglyphics. The Wabbit had not the faintest clue but he had come a long way so he made his wabbit signature. Thoth continued. " ... and here and here and turn over and sign there. And now the date and the place, Museo Egizio." Thoth stamped the form three times greatly with three great thuds. Suddenly he towered over the Wabbit and his voice no longer boomed. It was impossibly low. So low that the Wabbit had to strain his ears forward. "Do you have the stuff?" The Wabbit noddded his head. "Jolly Good!" said Thoth as he lightly touched the Wabbit. The Wabbit's paws went completely limp and he felt himself falling, falling - into the depths of a darkened basement.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Wabbit finds the entrance to the Egyptian Museum

The Wabbit set off in search of the Egyptian Museum, hopping under the lengthy porticos to keep out the rain. But the cobbled streets frustrated his paws. So he cartwheeled a bit and sang a little song to keep up his spirits. "This wheel's on fire. rolling down the roadway, better notify my next of kin ..." Suddenly, the Wabbit was brought up short. "This is the place all right," thought the Wabbit. "It's a facsimile, a reconstruction but a standing statue nonetheless. I have reached my destination." The Wabbit checked his bag just to see if the important objects were all in place and was about to proceed to the door, when he felt the most peculiar sensation. He was being pulled by an unknown force towards the entrance. And as his paws slid across the slippery cobbles he could hear a voice and it was a distinctive Cockney voice that stood out. He was saying something familiar. "Just go in Wabbit. You don't ''ave to 'ave me blow the door off for you, do you?" "I just didn't hear that," thought the Wabbit. With little choice, he headed inside.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Wabbit looks out from a High Place

The Wabbit looked out over the Turin skyline. He thought that if he went to a high place he could see everything there was to see. The top of the film museum was a long way up and even with his powerful new ears, the Wabbit held on to the railings with both paws. Somewhere out there was the place of the Goddesses where the Wabbit was to deliver his importantly important objects. It was a lot of space to cover, even for the Wabbit. "Home of the Standing Goddesses, Home of the Standing Goddesses. Where could that possibly be, I wonder," wondered the Wabbit. "I'll just keep looking and perhaps I'll spot it." The Wabbit hopped between the feet of the crowds of school children who streamed out of the giant lift. "Standing Goddesses," murmured the Wabbit again, rather quietly to himself. "You're in the wrong museum, Wabbit". The voice of the lift attendant broke into the Wabbit's thoughts. "The Wabbit hopped up to the lift. "What museum?" "The Egyptian Museum of course. It's the only museum that has Goddesses around here." The Wabbit looked back across the city. "It's quite a hop, but worth it." said the attendant. "They might let you in free, what with you being a wabbit." The Wabbit was very pleased. He would not have to use his emergency coin. So the Wabbit hopped into the lift and shut his eyes very tightly indeed as the lift hurtled downwards at speed.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Wabbit gets a Surprise Meal

The Wabbit was definitely hungry. He had hopped all around and the extra items in his bag had not made it any lighter. “I have too much baggage,” said the Wabbit sagely to himself. With some time on his paws, he was nearing the Big Railway Station. So he wandered into the back streets, to an area that had been recommended by his friend Antiqicat on a previous trip. He soon found himself in the Ghetto di Roma. “This is a very interesting place,” thought the Wabbit. “And the food smells delicious.” So he hopped on a fence for a better look and an even better sniff. The Wabbit could smell heavenly artichokes and his very favourite sliced carrots. “Gnam, gnam,” thought the Wabbit. Then the Wabbit heard a voice and murmured to himself, “Where’s that voice coming from?” He was always asking himself questions. “The kitchen, Wabbit.” The Wabbit didn’t think he had spoken out loud. “People can even hear me think now," thought the Wabbit. “Time for a snack,” said the voice. “I’ll bring something out. I have wafer thin strips of artichokes with side tubers, your favourite carrot strips on a bed of grass and some fresh water.” The Wabbit sat on the fence and tucked in. And what he didn’t eat, he tucked away in the small space that was left in his bag. Sated, the Wabbit hopped to the station and quietly boarded the train for Turin.

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Wabbit encounters the poorly constructed Graffito

The Wabbit headed up the road at speed. With his bag of importantly important items on his back and wearing a toothsome grin, he gazed all around. He looked up and down and to each side to take in all his surroundings, because that was the way of the Wabbit. But then his eyes caught something that brought the Wabbit to a screeching halt. The Wabbit's exclamation was loud and echoed from the walls. “What is this blot on the escutcheon?” He had never been very sure what an escutcheon was, but he assumed it was something good, since it could be blotted. The Wabbit read to himself aloud. “Rabbit Racist” Then he repeated it and shook his head that there could be such a thing. The Wabbit welcomed all mammals irrespectively, unless they wished him some particular malice. He paced up and down and up and down, fretting and his back paws made a staccato sound on the road. It was only when he found himself complaining about the misplaced quotation marks that he realised the graffito didn’t say “Racist”. It said “Resist”. “Now that makes more sense,” said the Wabbit to himself. “But it should really end with an exclamation mark!” The Wabbit then made the appropriate correction with a red emergency marker that he kept in his bag - and loped onwards before anyone saw it was him.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Wabbit runs into another Ancient Cat and gets a Package

The Wabbit reached the Largo di Torre Argentina with ease and didn't even have to cartwheel. "I'm looking for Antiqicat." said the Wabbit to the imposing cat on the wall. "Have you seen him?" "He's on sabbatical leave," said the cat. "You may, however speak to me with absolute confidence.”The Wabbit wondered whether all cats spoke in this ponderous manner, but then, he had a peculiar turn of phrase himself. "Apparently I have to pick so something up." "Wait here. I shall be back forthwith." The cat was gone and back in an instant. Dangling from her mouth like a kitten was a small sack made from a rag, which contained some objects. "What’s in the bag?" The Wabbit was impatient. "In this rag are a bone and a hank of hair," said the cat. “You must return these to the Home of the Standing Goddesses in Torino. The return of the objects is vital” "I'm sure. Now this would be where in Torino, exactly?" The Wabbit preferred more of the information and less of the enigma. "That is for me to know and you to find out," said the cat annoyingly. The Wabbit suddenly seized the bag with both paws and threw it in his own bag. Then he bad the cat adieu. And he just couldn't resist a small bow. If he had been wearing a hat, he would have doffed it. "Be seeing you!" he said and was gone.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Wabbit gets winked at.

The Wabbit was in no great rush as he hopped from the station. But when he stopped in a quiet corner in the Piazza San Marco he felt the most peculiar sensation in his ears. Someone was staring at him. The Wabbit always knew when someone was looking at him. But in Rome, it could happen at any time. The Wabbit turned in the direction of the stare. "You look quite worn out," said the Wabbit. "It's because I've been staring so long. Hundreds and hundreds of years. You'd be worn out too." The staring statue seemed inclined to linger. The Wabbit put his paws behind his head. "Then why are are you winking?" "I wore out differentially. I have to keep a sense of humour about it. Otherwise I'd go off my head." The Wabbit was becoming tired of this banter and flopped exhausted in a heap. "Do you know what really gets in my hair?" The staring statue wasn't going to wait for an answer so the Wabbit stretched out. He had no particular timetable. "It's these people that pretend to be statues. What kind of activity is that? It's meaningless toil. And another thing, while I'm on the subject ..." The Wabbit broke in. " How do I get to Largo di Torre Argentina - where the cats live?" "Oh just keep going. You can't miss it. Although why anyone, especially a wabbit, should be interested I just can't imagine." But the statue was wasting its breath because the Wabbit had already gone. And as the Wabbit hopped he could hear a faint voice fading amongst the din of the traffic. " I stared at Audrey Hepburn once and so, do you know what I mean ... do you know? Do you?" The Wabbit hopped faster and faster and faster until he was certain he could hear no more.

Monday, February 14, 2011

The Wabbit gets off the Big Red Train

The Wabbit looked back as he hopped off the train in Rome Central. "Thank you Big Red Train, you saved my paws,” said the Wabbit to the driver. The driver was very busy but he waved to the Wabbit. “Too many people can see me still,” thought the Wabbit. But he didn’t mind really, because he was quite a friendly wabbit. He liked the Big Red Train. It could travel at 300 kilometres per hour, which was much faster than the Wabbit could ever go. Being on rails it couldn’t zig-zag like the Wabbit, although sometimes he thought it did its best. All the same, he could enjoy a salad sandwich in the buffet car and put his paws up for a while. The Wabbit paused on the platform and people hustled and bustled quickly past him with enormous bags. They certainly didn’t notice the Wabbit or much else for that matter. The Wabbit wasn’t quite sure what to do next. “Maybe I should visit my old haunts, but I don’t know,” thought the Wabbit. “I need to collect my thoughts.” Then he wondered what his thoughts would look like if they were collected in one place and all his fur stood on end. “That’s quite enough of that,” he said to himself. “I’m on a Roman holiday, just like that film with Audrey Hepburn.”So the Wabbit hopped off down the road. And as he did so he thought, “It must be fun to live in a place like this!”

Sunday, February 13, 2011

The Wabbit is sent for R and R

“Sir! Pssst! Over here. By the fence.” The wabbit by the fence tried to get the Wabbit’s attention. “Sir! You got too used to your Super Glasses! I’m looking at you, Sir! Straight in the eye, Sir!” The Wabbit slapped his brow with a paw. Of course. He was after all, a wabbit. The wabbit by the fence continued. “La Guardia del Corpo Sir! Name of Contadino. Franco Contadino. At your service. Sir! The Wabbit for once was quite stuck for words. “I think I’ll have to pass the buck.” The Wabbit chortled to himself. “Stand easy and shave a carrot, Contadino.” The Wabbit thought he was well up on military terminology, but was usually wrong or hopelessly out of date. Together they hopped across the enclosure. Franco Contadino continued. “Your orders have arrived by wabbit courier, Sir. You have 72 R and R in Rome. Take the Big Red Train. Rome is 500 clicks south east, Sir.” The Wabbit grinned. “I do know where it is. And please stop calling me Sir. This is a Wabbit Run isn’t it? I have to pick something up?” “All in your papers Sir. Good luck Sir!” The Wabbit could hardly believe his luck. He tucked his papers into his bag, took one backwards glance and loped quickly along the Via Bardonecchia. He could only keep up his top speed of 70 kph for a little bit. And then he began to cart wheel. And the people that the Wabbit streaked past saw but a blur. But they could hear singing. Roma dove sei? Eri con me, oggi prigione tu, prigioniera io. And being Torinesi, they sadly shook their heads.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Wabbit and the squeaky White Wabbits

The Wabbit hadn’t really disappeared. It was only a trick. He had used his special ears to make an extraordinary hop. So just around the corner he continued his investigation. “I will conduct a short case study,” said the Wabbit to himself. “These white wabbits will provide for an evidence- based enquiry.” The Wabbit wondered what other kind of enquiry there was but felt compelled to use official language for his report. “White wabbits! Might I enquire after your conditions?” Without looking up, the wabbits squeaked amongst themselves. “Who’s he? He sounds official,” squeaked one. “Better humour him,” squeaked the other. Then with their squeaky voices in perfect unison they both said, “We are well and have all we need. Would you like to see our double binkie?” That won’t be necessary,” said the Wabbit, with alarm. And what of Montgomery?” “He serves us well. He has secured us extra food, shelter, burrow material, walkways and a secure perimeter.” The white wabbits giggled squeakily. “Also, he has a rather good voice and sings in the evening.” Good grief,” smiled the Wabbit. “Things are better - or worse - than I thought.”