Pt 1: Jenny & the Scruffy Promontory

"Please start Jenny," asked Lapinette. As usual, the Wabbit grinned and said "I’m all ears." Jenny smiled a wry smile and began. As she began to speak, they all leaned back and listened eagerly. There was something compelling about her husky voice and the way she described things, so they gave her rapt attention without interruption - well, little interruption, because the friends were very curious creatures indeed. "Once upon a time," began Jenny. Everyone snuggled in anticpation. "... Once upon a time," said Jenny, "in a far-off land, on a scruffy bit of coast there lay an even scruffier promontory. And on that promontory there was a scruffy little town where honest people never went. In the darkness of the night, small boats stole in to the town's dank harbour and departed quietly in the early hours under muffled oars." Jenny paused and looked around the faces and scowled. "Not many went to that shabby place unless they had some sort of business to transact and most arrived and left in haste. But there were others who lived there."  "What kind of business?” murmured Lapinette under her breath. But Skratch, who had been a cat burglar, nudged her to be quiet. Of any of them, he had the best idea of that kind of thing. "Unfunny business," he snorted. Jenny nodded her agreement and continued ...

The Wabbit and the Pirate Caffè

Lapinette made herself comfortable and threw her tunic on the seat. Rabbit Jenny, the Pirate Chief, enquired what manner of grog they preferred. Not getting a lightning answer, she called over her shoulder. "A bottle of Seven Fathoms Rum and five glasses. Chop chop!" Jenny turned to Skratch the Cat, who wouldn't take off his cap. "Lighten up, feline, I believe you usually ask some question at this juncture." "Were not exactly finished our adventure, Captain," said Skratch. "But I think we're in the Pirate Genre." "Certainly not," said the Wabbit, "we're more correctly negotiating the Naval and War genre, about which there is a very enormous book indeed." "One book does not a genre make," observed  Wabsworth, who had been compiling a list of popular quotations. "Belay all that persiflage," said Jenny. "What does the Marchesa make of it so far." "This," said Lapinette carefully, "is different. Neither pastiche nor satire, the adventure is a sardonic comment concerning alliances and coalitions." "I like you, Lapinette," laughed Jenny. "You have it in a nutshell. These blowhards are bilged on their own anchors." "What about your story?" asked Lapinette. "I need to be plied with rum," replied Jenny. The Wabbit grinned. "Skratch," he called. "You're in charge of plying." Skratch flicked an imaginary piece of lint from his coat. "Plying," he purred, "is my middle name."

The Wabbit and the Pirate Confab

Jenny the Pirate Chief led the Unut to a secret castle built on two secret hills - and there they docked and disembarked for a confab. "Now," said the Wabbit, "we must talk about details." "How boring," said Lapinette. "I want to know all about Rabbit Jenny and her curious ship." Lapinette advanced on the Wabbit but Jenny held him securely by her hook. The Wabbit looked from side to side, shaking his head sternly. "There are certain protocols that must be followed." He turned to Jenny. "Thank you Captain for inviting us to your castle." Jenny laughed. "Oh, it's not my castle, I just borrowed it." The Wabbit grinned a very broad grin indeed, which he did well to conceal. "It's delightful," murmured Lapinette. "Will we be dining at a banquet?" Jenny laughed again. "I'm afraid the caterers have deserted us." "Oh what a shame," said Lapinette, "I so want to hear your story." Jenny paused. "We use a cafe a wee bit down the Glen, so we could go there." The Wabbit nodded approvingly. "Excellent!" he said with glee and he rubbed his paws together. "There, I'll tell you as much as I can," continued Jenny. "Is it a long story?" asked Lapinette. "As long as a length of rope," said Jenny. Lapinette didn't turn a hair. "Splendid," she said, "I want to hear every single detail." "Will the story have pictures?" mused the Wabbit. "What's the use of a story?" asked Jenny, "without pictures and chit-chat?"

7. The Wabbit & the Dangerous Strait

They emerged out of the mist in a place they weren't expected. That was all to the good except for the treacherous waters. All sounds were muffled except the steady chopping of Lapinette's Merlin, but the ether was electric with radio signals. Commander Wabbit's voice crackled. "Lepus, nasty reef to starboard, just below the surface." But there was no reply. Now Lapinette's radio crackled. "Lepus come in please, currents taking you too close to the Unut." Still there was silence. "Lepus, Lepus?" The Wabbit broke in. "Flight Commander, switch to short wave and keep calling." His voice was terse. "Skratch, hail the Lepus. Don't stop until she answers." The Wabbit lifted his walkie talkie. "And Wabsworth, place a warning flare in front of the Lepus." With a bang, a flash hung over the Lepus and briefly painted the water pink. There was an agonising delay. Then with an inexplicable creaking, the Lepus swung slowly to starboard. A sudden burst of static announced Captain Jenny. "Sorry Commander, we had an electrical failure."  "You certainly picked your spot," said the Wabbit and he looked up. "Lapinette, how do we look now?" "Like a painting, " said Lapinette. "What kind of painting?" asked the Wabbit. "Watercolour," said Lapinette. "You can't get better," smiled the Wabbit.

6. Rabbit Jenny, Pirate Chief

Rabbit Jenny was piped aboard the Unut and she strode forward to meet the Wabbit. For a moment they both looked up at the bridge while the crew took photographs and only then did they speak. "Welcome aboard Captain," said the Wabbit. "We've been waiting some time," said Rabbit Jenny. "Then we saw the helichopper and we knew you'd come." The Wabbit asked after the Lepus and Jenny kind of smiled. "I have 400 sailors ready to do my bidding," "they're a pirate cooperative." "You take your orders from them?" asked the Wabbit. Jenny stiffened. "I take orders from myself and I answer only to Unut, the rabbit goddess." If the Wabbit was surprised, he kept it too himself. "The deal is this," stated the Wabbit. "You have control of the seas, but you answer to me and the Department of Wabbit Affairs (Navy)." Jenny nodded gravely and the Wabbit continued. "You may keep 50 per cent of any spoils accruing to you in consequence of pursuing our mutual enemies." "To whom shall I pay the remainder?" "Bonifico to the Dinosaur Fund, Bahamas," grinned the Wabbit. "The casually cruel Agents of Rabit must be eliminated," said Jenny. "All in due course," said the Wabbit. "What course?" asked Jenny. "My course," said the Wabbit, "will you require more ferries?" "I have that matter well in paw," said Jenny, "but the sun is long past the yardarm and my mainbrace requires splicing." "Aperitivi!" yelled the Wabbit. "On the double!"
[Bonifico: Money Transfer]

5. The Wabbit and an Exchange of Fire.

Out of a mist loomed an armed ferry and she was flying the Jolly Roger. "There she is!" said the Wabbit. Skratch pointed. "She's the Lepus and she's packing, Commander!" "Dead Slow Ahead," said the Wabbit. "But she's going to fire," said Skratch. The Wabbit shrugged, then grabbed a rail and ducked as several shells burst around the Unut. The Wabbit lifted his walkie talkie. "Now Wabsworth!" An arc of machine gun fire from a deck-mounted Oerlikon split the pirate flag from a mast and it crashed onto the deck. Everything became still. All that could be heard were waves and the cries of disgruntled seagulls. "Why didn't we pick her up on radar?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit shook his head from side to side. "And where did you get that gun?" asked Skratch. "Army and Navy Surplus," said the Wabbit. Skratch shook his head too, then looked across to the Lepus. He could see activity on deck and tapped the Wabbit's shoulder. "What next?" Before the Wabbit could answer, the ship's radio crackled and a voice spoke. "This is the Captain of the Lepus. I'm known as Rabbit Jenny." "This is Commander Wabbit of the DWA Unut," replied the Wabbit. "Belay your weapon fire and heave to." "You belay first," said Jenny. "We're already belayed," smiled the Wabbit. "Permission to come on board," said Jenny. "Granted," said the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit & Lapinette's Something

"Flight Commander?" said the Wabbit. "Reporting," said Lapinette. "What's in the report?" asked the Wabbit. "Nothing much to report," said Lapinette. "Nothing much to report isn't much of a report," said the Wabbit. "Well it's not exactly nothing," said Lapinette. The Wabbit shook his head and raised his eyes. "Well, why don't you tell me about the something." "It's not much of a something either," sighed Lapinette. The Wabbit hid a smile. "I'm in the mood for not hearing much," he stated. "So tell me about the something you didn't see much of." "It was just something that flashed on the horizon," said Lapinette. "Something that made you blink," said the Wabbit. Lapinette nodded. "And that something was lying north of here?" "Yes it was," said Lapinette. The Wabbit lifted his walkie talkie and spoke gently. "Co-ordinates as instructed, 15 knots." The Unut's bow swung slightly to port and she headed towards the horizon. "What is it that's lying to our north?" asked Lapinette. "A heavily armed ferry," said the Wabbit. "I guess someone's in charge of that ferry," observed Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded but said no more. "Does he know we're coming?" asked Lapinette. "She knows we're coming," corrected the Wabbit. "But not when we're coming," "I guess this ferry doesn't have a timetable," said Lapinette.

3. Lapinette spots Something

Lapinette grumbled to herself as her Merlin helichopper gripped the air. "I don't like ships, I don't like ships." The Merlin was an unfamiliar aircraft to Lapinette but she didn't care and she sent it skittering round in a mock search pattern. The Wabbit was playing some game that only he knew, but she accepted her orders professionally and carried out her duty. The sea looked calm enough now and her delicate shade of seasick green had disappeared. "I prefer to be in the air," she thought. "Mostly, it doesn't move up and down." Just then a gust of wind caught the chopper and sent it spiralling wildly but Lapinette merely twitched the controls and everything was smooth again. Even if her search was designed as a tactical manoeuvre, Lapinette kept an eye open for any craft that might be in the vicinity - but there was nothing, just an aching void of blue green waves. Lapinette looked straight ahead and hummed a Pink Floyd tune she thought went well with helichoppers. Suddenly she blinked. Was that something on the horizon? She stared for quite some time and headed northwards and away from her search pattern. There it was again. A flash of something. Lapinette squinted her eyes and figured it might be the sun glinting from a far-off ship. So she circled back. The radio crackled and the Wabbit's voice crackled too. "Anything to report?" "Not one single thing," said Lapinette.

3. The Wabbit Sails Out

The day was calm enough when they set out and the Unut sliced through slack water, leaving only a rudimentary wake. The Wabbit nodded with satisfaction. "How are we looking, Chief?" he smiled. Skratch the Cat wasn't going to be happy until they had cleared the coast, but he smiled anyway and purred. "On radar, we look like a fishing boat." The Wabbit shuffled his paws from side to side and his voice was dry. "Now the fishermen cast the net." "What is the drill, Commander?" asked Skratch. "Two points off the starboard bow for 70 miles," said the Wabbit, "then an Anderson Turn." "That's a circle, Commander," said Skratch. The Wabbit nodded. "Make it look like someone's overboard. Send Lapinette up in the chopper. It's got to look convincing." Skratch waited. "Scour around then set a course for Ardnamurchan," advised the Wabbit. "Fifteen knots, no hurry." "Tell me more about that craft," said Skratch. "How will we recognise it?" The Wabbit shook his head. "We don't have to. She'll recognise us." "And then?" asked Skratch. "And then, I don't know," replied the Wabbit. "Need the guns?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit thought for a very long time and then shrugged. "Maybe," he said.

2. The Wabbit & the Gods' Commission

It was a dank and a miserable day for a ship's Commissioning and everyone was bad tempered. "Let's get this over with," shivered Unut the Rabbit Goddess. She produced a cake and cut off a slice and handed it to the Wabbit. The Wabbit saluted and Unut watched him fumble and drop crumbs. "Wabbit, do you know how many Gods' coffee mornings it took me to raise the funds for this vessel?" The Wabbit nodded but remained silent. "So bring it back in one piece," said Unut strictly. The Wabbit nodded again. "There's a lot depending on this mission, Commander - and the Gods are stressed about it." "Yes Majesty" said the Wabbit gravely. "So be diplomatic. Don't rock the boat." The Wabbit wanted to smile, but thought better of it. "Can you think of anything else you need, Commander?" asked Unut. The Wabbit raced through a mental check list of various weapons, tools and stocks of food and drink. "I could do with some luck," he said finally. "Fortune favours the bold," said Unut, "but the Gods will keep a vague lookout for you." The Wabbit smiled limply. "Well," sighed Unut. "There's an awful lot of sea and we're rather short on sea gods." The Wabbit had a sudden thought. "Majesty, what about the Commissioning?" "Never mind the Commissioning, here's your ship," said Unut.

1. The Wabbit and the Swift One

"Is she ship-shape, Chief?" The Wabbit was deadly serious and Skratch responded in similar vein. "One or two minor details, Commander. They'll keep until we're at sea." "How were the trials?" asked the Wabbit. "She's faster than we thought," said Skratch, "she exceeded 46 knots over the Measured Mile." The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "Unut the Swift One!" he smiled. "Fastest Type- 45 Destroyer on the ocean," murmured Skratch. The Wabbit looked around. "Where's Lapinette?" he asked - although he already knew. "She's in the engine room, throwing up," said Skratch. "We're not even underway," sighed the Wabbit. "I'm afraid she has no sea legs, Commander." The Wabbit shook his head. "I know," he said, sadly. "Great legs though," risked Skratch. The Wabbit nodded gravely but kept a smile to himself. "Who's officially commissioning our vessel?" asked Skratch. "Rabbit Goddess Unut," said the Wabbit. "Unut is very present in all this," said Skratch with a surprised voice. "She paid for the ship," shrugged the Wabbit. Skratch nodded as if all that was normal and inquired, "Where are we headed?" "I have only rough coordinates," stated the Wabbit, "but it's near an island and we're looking for a heavily armed ferry." "I don't believe in ferries," joked Skratch.

The Wabbit on the Conspiracy Express

The Wabbit and Wabsworth, the Wabbit's android double, took the high speed train to Milan and back. This was for security reasons and because they liked it. The Wabbit visited the refreshments coach, leaving Wabsworth to read a John le Carré novel. He returned to catch Wabsworth's worried look. "What's up Doc?" he asked. Wabsworth frowned. "I'm unhappy with deceiving our friends." The Wabbit grinned a lopsided grin. "What's the word from our enemies?" Wabsworth laid down his book and turned. "They're convinced we're arguing and think we're a spent force." The Wabbit raised an eye, so Wabsworth continued. "They've turned their attentions to things they consider more important." Now the Wabbit beamed. "That was the idea. They musn't see what we're about to do." Wabsworth faced the Wabbit squarely. "Sometimes Wabbit. I disapprove of you." "Me too," shrugged the Wabbit. "I suppose I am a copy of you." moaned Wabsworth. The Wabbit spoke gently. "Sometimes we have to work for the greater good." Wabsworth nodded carefully and reached for his book. "When's the launch?" "Soon," said the Wabbit. "Who's presiding?" asked Wabsworth. "Unut the Goddess," replied the Wabbit. "No-one knows where we're going?" said Wabsworth. "Only me and even then, I only have a rough idea." "Quo vadis?" queried Wabsworth. "Follow me," answered the Wabbit.

The Wabbit's Conspiracy Caffè

The Wabbit hailed his guests cheerfully. "What will everyone have!"  Lapinette stared steadfastly at the bar while Skratch the Cat gave the orders. "We're having particularly large aperitivi and we're rather thirsty." "Subito!" cried the Wabbit and he snapped a paw for service. Skratch caught the Wabbit's eye. "Today, you should be the one to answer the question, Wabbit." "Not at all! Do us the honour, Skratch," said the Wabbit, "what was that for a type of adventure?" So Skratch placed a paw on a convenient table and leaned forward. "Technically speaking, it was a conspiracy but conspiracy falls short of being a single genre." "Because any adventure can be a conspiracy if you stare hard enough at it," added Lapinette. Skratch purred gently. "I believe that a conspiracy adventure has to be labyrinthine." "Mmm," said Lapinette. "I'm not sure the last adventure had the serial complexity that labyrinthine conspiracy requires." Skratch shook his head. "Well, the thing about conspiracy adventures is that they're never really over." Lapinette looked directly at the Wabbit. "I'm uncertain whether we've had the full story - or whether there's more to unravel." "Like a cat with a ball of wool?" suggested the Wabbit. "Cats have got better things to do than unravel balls of wool," grunted Skratch. "Like what?" smiled the Wabbit. "Landing on our feet," said Skratch.

7. Dénouement and the Wabbit

The Wabbit climbed down the ladder and waited for the inevitable. "Don't you want to hear what we have to tell you?" asked Lapinette. "I'm all ears," said the Wabbit and he paused for a moment and hung from a bar and swayed. Lapinette pointed. "This whole vanishing idea thing was our idea. "What?" shouted the Wabbit. "I'm your Commanding Officer!" Lapinette put her paws on her hips and pouted. "We're a team," she said, "and we deserve to be in the know at all times and not tricked." Skratch purred gently. "So we decided to take a leaf out of your book." "And teach you a lesson," added Wabsworth. The Wabbit was horrified. "Et tu, Wabsworth?" he cried. He shook his head and looked all around for his vanishing idea. "You won't see the idea again," said Lapinette. "They were holograms," said Skratch. "Designed to make you own up." said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit appeared nonplussed. "How on earth did you get the budget for this?" "From the Dinosaur Fund, just like you," said Lapinette. "That's how we found out about the Orange Phantom mission," said Skratch. "There was an unexplained transfer of considerable size from that account." "Can't be much left in there now," said the Wabbit, ruefully. "More than enough for a big dinner," smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit brightened. "What's on the menu?" "Humble Pie," laughed Lapinette.

6. The Wabbit and Electrified Thinking

The team manoeuvred the Wabbit into one of his favourite places by persuading him that the electrical energy in the Old Power Station would jog his memory - and help locate his vanishing idea. Now the Wabbit felt under pressure. "So what's the big idea, Wabbit?" called Lapinette. The Wabbit glanced around and saw that all his escaping ideas were present. The bathroom scales were to his right and the clock high to his left. He was aware that the pillow lurked to his rear and that the piggy bank and PIN number were drifting past a skylight. He knew he had to come up with something. So he dropped his head, stared at the scales and spoke. "Something's been weighing on my mind." "Spit it out!" called Skratch the Cat. "It's something I let lie on the pillow too long," said the Wabbit, "and I locked it away." "Keep going Commander," shouted Wabsworth. The Wabbit glanced up at the clock. "Now it’s time to tell you," he sighed. Everything was quiet in the vast hall and the Wabbit looked into the middle distance. "It's about our last mission with the Orange Phantoms," he stated sadly. "I organised the whole thing. It was me." If the Wabbit had expected annoyance he was sorely disappointed. "We knew that," said Lapinette. "And now we have something to tell you ..."

5. The Wabbit and the Unknown Link

"This doesn't look like the Highway to Hell," said the Wabbit as he made his way across the road. "Hardly anyone comes this way," said Skratch the Cat. "It's a desolate spot and no mistake." "Perfect for you to track down your vanishing idea," said Lapinette. "I can't wait here all day for an idea," said the Wabbit, huffily. "What else have you got on?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit couldn't think of a thing and shuffled uncomfortably. "Oh look," he said with relief, "there's Ghost Bunny. Have you seen my idea?" "What does it look like?" wailed Ghost Bunny. "It shifts shape." said Lapinette. "It used to be a pillow, then ..." "Oh, I'm tired of the list," said Skratch, "But one thing is certain. They all have something to do with the Wabbit." Ghost Bunny shimmered in the light, then faded and reappeared. "An idea can't have corporal form," she whispered hauntingly. "The manifestations are inseparable from you, Wabbit."  The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "Run the list past me, Wabbit," sighed Ghost Bunny. "A pillow," said the Wabbit. "Bathroom scales," said Lapinette. "A clock," said Skratch. "And a flying PIN number," said Wabsworth finally. Ghost Bunny haunted up and down then turned. "They're all linked," she wailed.

4. The Wabbit and the Flying PIN

Wabsworth had joined the search for the Wabbit's vanishing idea and had recommended they took the high ground. It was becoming clear that he was right. At first they couldn't see much but then they heard a soft drone, like a light plane. "Ah," said Wabsworth, feeling vindicated. "Is that your idea, Wabbit?" "It's always changing," grimaced the Wabbit. "It started as a pillow, then it became bathroom scales," said Skratch. "And last time it was speaking clock." added Lapinette. They all gazed at the flying piggy bank as it made its way across the sky. Wabsworth screwed up his eyes. "What's that at the back?" he asked. Lapinette nudged the Wabbit. "It looks like a PIN letter from the bank - is that your PIN?" "I can't see it," said the Wabbit. A deep voice boomed from above. "2 4 6 8!" and the pig vanished into the sky. "Is that it?" asked Skratch. "I've no idea," muttered the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed deeply because she knew the Wabbit hated ATMs and preferred to keep cash concealed in his fur. "I remember!" said the Wabbit and he whispered to Lapinette. "It's 3 5 7 9. It's in a song." "Two, four, six, eight, Motorway?" asked Wabsworth, who's hearing was second to none. "Now everyone knows." groaned the Wabbit, "and I have to change it." "I think I know where this idea's going," grinned Skratch. They turned to stare at him. "The Road to Hell," he purred ...
[Tom Robinson: 2-4-6-8 Motorway / 3-5-7-9 on a double white line]

3. The Wabbit and Idea Time

All day and through evening until late, Lapinette and the Wabbit scoured the city for the Wabbit's idea. They were going to call it a night when they caught sight of Skratch coming out of a kebab shop and they called to him. But at the same instant another object appeared just above his head. "Grab it Skratch!" called the Wabbit. "We're chasing it!" Skratch leapt high in the air and just got a paw to the edge. "Identify yourself," he screeched, "and be quick about it." "I'm the Wabbit's idea," said the object, "and it's time for me to be going." The object gradually faded then with a slight plop it disappeared. Skratch turned to the Wabbit. "What the devil is happening Wabbit? Is this a test?" The Wabbit shook his head ruefully. "It's my idea, it keeps vanishing." Lapinette chimed in. "It was a pillow, then bathroom scales and now it's a clock." Skratch gazed at the empty night. "Wabbit, how did it escape?" "I have no idea," said the Wabbit. "And you're chasing it?" asked Skratch. "That's the general idea," said Lapinette. "I'll help you look," said Skratch. The Wabbit smiled with relief. "Oh good, I had the same idea." Skratch smoothed his fur with both paws and flicked his tail. "This idea's time has come," he muttered.

2. Lapinette has a Good Idea

"Stop that thing!" shouted the Wabbit. Lapinette wasn't expecting to meet the Wabbit in the Metro, nor to see him in such a dramatic mood. But all the same she turned and when she did, she saw a strange object. "Who are you and what do you want?" she glared. The object merely smiled. "I'm the Wabbit's idea," it said. Then it faded and disappeared. Lapinette swiped around but there was nothing to grab, so she looked at the Wabbit sternly. "Are you up to something again, Wabbit?" "It says it's my idea and it's been eluding me all over the city," huffed the Wabbit. "It looks like bathroom scales," said Lapinette. "It keeps changing," sighed the Wabbit. "It was a pillow before." Lapinette thought for a good minute and the Wabbit thought he could hear her brain whirring. "Let's join forces," she decided," and we'll nail it." "Oh good," said the Wabbit and he grinned. "But should we entertain this particular idea?" "Let's be clear Wabbit," said Lapinette, "was it an idea or just a passing thought?" "It was the faintest glimmer of an idea," sighed the Wabbit." "Ideas are always in short supply," stated Lapinette firmly, "so when we catch up with it, we'll make it talk." "Good idea," surmised the Wabbit, "because once an idea has taken hold, it's impossible to get rid of it." "That makes our work easier," said Lapinette.

1. The Wabbit and the Vanishing Idea

The Wabbit was between adventures and that was a place he disliked. He had been hopping all over town desperately trying to think of an idea, when he finally arrived at Lingotto. It was a place where there was always something happening, so at first he took little notice of what he thought were new streetlamps. The Wabbit stopped in his tracks and thought hard. "These are giant lightbulbs," he said to himself, "and they're totally out of place." The Wabbit suddenly froze because he felt the germ of an idea dimly surface. "I think I have it ..!" But the moment the idea crystallised, it vanished. "Curses," said the Wabbit. "I'll try again." So he screwed up his eyes and wrinkled his nose and thought and thought. It took a full five minutes for anything to happen. Then a vague vestige of an idea seized him and he was just about to grab it, when it disappeared again. "Fiddlesticks!" thought the Wabbit. He was contemplating making one more attempt when he became aware of a floating creature to his left. "Who are you and what's your business?" he asked in a bad-tempered manner that was unlike him. "I'm your idea," said the creature. Suddenly, the creature laughed and waved at the Wabbit. But as the Wabbit reached to grasp the idea, it faded until nothing was left. "That's a dangerous idea," thought the Wabbit.

The Wabbit & the real Adventure Caffè

Lapinette was first to arrive and she'd been thinking. She knew the Wabbit wasn't telling the whole Orange Phantom story and surmised he had good reason. Nevertheless she decided to have some fun. "Oh Wabbit, that training mission was a good idea," she said. "We can all use a bit of practice." Now the Wabbit felt alarmed, but he heard Skratch coming and turned. "Skratch! What was that for a sort of adventure?" "Skratch had also been thinking and thought he'd have fun too. "It was very Twin Peaks by way of Blade Runner." Lapinette watched the Wabbit's face and when he smiled she pounced. "You like Twin Peaks don't you?" "Oh yes!" said the Wabbit, "it certainly challenged the TV rubric." Lapinette leaned back and let Skratch do the work. "I think Twin Peaks revolved around deception," he purred. "What do you think, Wabbit?" "It was baroque and labyrinthine," said the Wabbit cautiously. "But the fact that characters led double lives is insignificant." "I disagree, Wabbit," said Skratch. "It was a postmodern take on deception itself." The Wabbit squirmed. "I need a coffee," he said. "This," said Skratch, "is the Caffè Torino. There's no damned finer cup of coffee in Turin." "You know more than us, Wabbit," said Lapinette finally. "I think I know," gulped the Wabbit, "but sometimes my paws bend back."

The Wabbit at the Secret Caffè

In a secluded caffè that lay high on a hill overlooking Turin, the Wabbit held a special meeting with Wabsworth, his android double, and Marshall Duetta Spyder. He was first to arrive and somewhat impatient. So he tapped his paws in a fair imitation of Dave Brubeck's "Take Five" and watched his colleagues arrived from different directions - as instructed. "On with the work," said the Wabbit and he struck a glass with a fork. "You called the meeting, you start," said Duetta in her silky voice. "I want to start," interrupted Wabsworth, "because I'm a little unhappy with our subterfuge." Duetta was always happy with subterfuge. She shook her head. "Wabsworth," said the Wabbit. "It was of the utmost importance that everyone had realistic reactions." They all nodded gravely, so the Wabbit continued. "I want to know how our adventure looked to our enemies." "It looked most authentic," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit shrugged. "And that's why no-one was told,". Wabsworth sighed and stuck his paws in his fur, just like the Wabbit. "Our enemies will try to make contact with the Orange Phantoms," continued the Wabbit. "Which are departmental holograms!" said Wabsworth,. He brightened a little. "When will that be?" asked Duetta. "Not immediately," said the Wabbit. "They'll bide their time and so shall we." "When shall we inform the others?" asked Wabsworth. "When it's the most fun," smiled the Wabbit.

21. The Wabbit is taken by Surprise

Back on the ground, Wabsworth greeted his friends. But they seemed none too pleased. "What the binky is going on Wabsworth?" demanded the Wabbit. He pointed at Wabsworth and Lapinette pointed too. "What have you been up to?" "Its all official," said Wabsworth. "What do you mean, official?" screeched Ghost Bunny, "we were nearly destructivated!" Wabsworth cringed slightly. "It was a training programme. You all pass with flying colours." The Wabbit was aghast but the look on his face was nothing compared to Lapinette's. "What about the orange phantoms?" she said through gritted teeth. "Holograms," said Wabsworth. "The olives?" asked the Wabbit. "Drones," replied Wabsworth. "The crafts?" screeched Ghost Bunny. "DWA Space Programme III," sighed Wabsworth. They all seethed for a while. "OK, OK," said the Wabbit, calming down. "Wabsworth, who knew?" "Marshall Duetta," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit glanced over his shoulder to see Skratch in an angry conversation with Duetta and he adopted her silky smooth voice. "And who ordered the mission?" "Can't say," said Wabsworth. "Someone very high." The Wabbit drew close to Lapinette and whispered in a voice she knew well. "It might be someone high, but there's always someone higher."

20. Wabsworth brings them In

"This is Wabsworth in Ground Control. Come in Blue Craft." A puzzled Lapinette looked for something to speak into, then decided just to speak. "Copy you Wabsworth. All accounted for." There was rather a long pause. "Await further instructions." crackled the radio. Silence fell inside the craft as they watched Duetta's spiders surround the Olives and force them towards the surface. Out in space, Marshall Duetta Spyder picked up Wabsworth's signal. "What a pleasant surprise, Commander Wabsworth." Wabsworth grinned wryly although no-one could see him. "Marshall, please order your brigades to encircle and protect both blue and orange crafts." Duetta hovered gently as she sent out a telepathic signal. Immediately a dozen spider brigades converged on the crafts as they hurtled earthwards. The radio crackled again. "Marquesa, don't touch the controls, I'm bringing you in remotely." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit, the Wabbit glanced at Skratch the Cat then they all looked at Ghost Bunny. "By all the Ghosts of Pluto, I swear this was nothing to do with me," she breathed. "I suppose we'll find out when we land," said the Wabbit and he shrugged. "Do you think they have supplies on this ship?" wondered Lapinette. "What kind of supplies?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm a little thirsty," said Lapinette. The Wabbit laughed. "This is a ship after all," he said. "So we just have to find the cocktail cabinet."

19. The Wabbit and the Bay Door

Inside the blue craft, the Orange Phantom shouted loudly and tried to twist out of Skratch's grip. But Skratch had learned well from Puma and refused to release his prey. With a sudden sigh, the Phantom's wings detached, his cloak deflated and his head floated in the air. "Now!" shouted the Wabbit. "Everyone hang on!" yelled Lapinette and she span a wheel. Air hissed as a bay door opened and blue light pierced the craft. With a shove of his paw and a kick of his leg, Skratch sent what remained of the Orange Phantom spiralling into space - and straight into the grasp of Duetta's Red Spiders. "Doors!" shouted the Wabbit. With lightning speed, Lapinette span the wheel in the other direction and the bay door hissed shut. For a moment all that could be heard was the faint hum of the craft's life support system. "Phew," said Skratch, sniffing his paws. "He was a wriggler. That could have been a sticky situation."  Lapinette looked for somewhere to wipe her paws. "It still is," she grimaced. A heavy smell of citrus hung everywhere and she shook her head. "I don't like fruit," she said. "Neither do I," said Skratch."I don't mind bananas," said the Wabbit, but everyone ignored him. He looked around. "Ghost Bunny, what about you? Oranges or bananas?" Ghost Bunny gave a wail. "They just don't appeal."

18. Duetta and Uncooperative Olives

Marshall Duetta Spyder received a telepathic communication about the olives, but had already seen them rise out of the night sky. She made a wavy sign with one of her eight legs and all her spiders held position. "You are in controlled space," breathed Duetta in a silky telepathic voice. "Identify yourselves and state your business." There was a long pause before she became aware of the faintest of oily voices. "Controlled by whom?" "By me!" snapped Duetta. "But we are Primeval Olives," said the voice. "Yes I can see that." Duetta rubbed her two front legs together irritably and made clicking sounds that only the spiders could hear. "We were liberated from the alien craft by a strange rabbit," said the oily voice. Duetta also thought the Wabbit was strange but she snapped again. "That is the Commander!" Countless thousands of spiders hung in space awaiting Duetta’s next instruction. The oily voice returned. "We must seize the blue craft. Fall back." "The Commander is in charge of seizing things," said Duetta, "so stand down." "What if we don’t comply?" said the voice. "We will take you prisoner and destroy you later over cocktails," rasped Duetta and she made a wavy sign with another leg. All at once the spiders tripled in number and the synchronous rattle of millions of legs caused a shock wave that hurled the olives back ... 

17. The Wabbit and Primeval Surprise

The lights changed and the Orange Phantom lunged at the Wabbit. But with a move that he'd learned from Puma, Skratch the Cat pounced and gripped the Phantom in a headlock. Now the Wabbit looked at the Phantom with distaste. "Check him out," yelled Lapinette, who had taken the helm. The lights flickered as the Wabbit looked the Phantom over. "What exactly do we have here?" he muttered. He leant down and scooped the citrus slice from the Phantom's robe and held it up and looked at it. "Leave that alone!" spluttered the Phantom. But the slice was sticky. The Wabbit tried to detach his paws without success - so he squeezed, but it wasn't pips that emerged. The objects were green and had a single red eye. As they started to grow, Ghost Bunny fluttered down to have a closer look. "Primeval olives! Don't touch them Wabbit." The Wabbit's paws were already gooey, and he had no intention of sullying them further. He was content to watch as the olives floated towards the bulkhead, growing as they travelled. With a slight popping sound, they passed straight through the walls and were gone. The Wabbit turned. "OK Phantom, this is your last chance. Spill the beans." But the Phantom could only gasp in Skratch's vice-like grip. The Wabbit glanced at Lapinette. "What do you reckon?" "I reckon I need an aperitivo," she said.

16. The Wabbit & Red Citrus Spiders

Spiders came in their thousands - perhaps millions - and they filled the space around earth as if it was theirs to command. And despite their vast numbers, they moved with one single mind. "Red Citrus Spiders!" called Marshall Duetta Spyder telepathically. "Here!" The unified voice of the spiders whistled through the galaxy. "They have seized our worker energy," said Duetta. "So what shall we do?" "Take it back," came the single voice of the spiders, creating a wind of such force that it altered the course of major asteroids. There were so many spiders that their gravitational pull was overwhelming and it gripped the fabric of space in an increasingly tightening lattice. "Hold the orange crafts," commanded Duetta. "Leave the blue one for now, but be ready." Inside the blue craft the Wabbit turned to face his adversary. "What is this trickery?" snarled the Phantom. "No trickery," said the Wabbit. "These are citrus spiders." "What do they want with us?" asked the Phantom. The Wabbit shrugged. "They want to eat you," he said. "Citrus represents their energy and you stole it." "They are small," sneered the Phantom. The Wabbit raised an eye, bared all of his 28 teeth and snarled. "They are many!"

15. The Wabbit & the Lapinette Factor

The Orange Phantom burst through the hatch and he looked far from pleased. "Relinquish command of my craft!" he cried in an acid voice, "or else!" "Oh," said the Wabbit in mock disappointment. "No can do!" "Aaagh!" shrieked the Phantom. "You'll need to speak to my superior," said the Wabbit. "She deals with all that sort of thing." "The female?" gasped the Phantom. "Oh they're awfully nice when you get to know them," shrugged the Wabbit. It was the moment when Lapinette sprang into the air and rushed headlong at the Phantom with burning eyes. "All your crafts are impounded," she thundered with a controlled rage that made the Wabbit's eyes water. "Make your way to Wabbit Space Port 3 where your ships and cargo will be seized and your crew given tickets home." The Phantom seethed with fury and the Wabbit took advantage of the moment by fishing in his fur and murmuring, "Fix location."  "What did you say?" shouted the Phantom. "I need a vacation," said the Wabbit. "Don't we all?" A sound came from deep in the Wabbit's fur and the Phantom scowled. "What was that, earth creature?" "Indigestion," said the Wabbit. "Completely chronic." But the sound turned into Marshall Duetta Spyder's silky voice. "Citrus Spiders locked on your coordinates, Commander." "I heard that!" shouted the Phantom. The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "Tinnitus," he muttered.

14. The Wabbit and a Dive into Space

Skratch took the helm and dived and they all waited. But something didn't feel right and Skratch  upped the submarine periscope and squinted into the viewfinder. The Wabbit flinched but said he nothing. Skratch turned to look at the Wabbit and addressed him formally. "Commander, we appear to be in space." Lapinette caught the Wabbit's eye. "You knew?" "I more or less thought I knew," frowned the Wabbit. "What can you see?" "There are four astral bodies," reported Skratch, "and one of them is probably us." "Are we communicating?" asked the Wabbit. "Our craft is sending and the others are receiving," said Skratch. "They're beaming energy photonically," breathed Ghost Bunny. Skratch the Cat purred with delight. "Then this periscope is probably the control unit for the beam." The Wabbit had an idea. "Perform a 180° sweep, Skratch!" Skratch gradually twisted the scope to port and then to starboard. "Report!" snapped the Wabbit.  Skratch paused for a second. "It varies the quantity of energy to each of the other bodies in the system." "Switch it off," said the Wabbit. Skratch looked nonplussed, but Lapinette pointed to a red button and jabbed it with a paw. "And now?" asked the Wabbit. "The beams have faded Commander," mouthed Skratch but he could hardly be heard as an enormous bang split the air and their compartment hatch shook and started to open ...

13. The Wabbit in the Dark

They all blinked as their eyes tried to see in the ghostly glow. The Wabbit looked around and made out vague shapes and blinked again and counted. "We're one extra," he hissed and he poked the shape next to him. "Ouch," said a voice. Now everyone blinked rapidly and stared. The shape grew familiar and then spoke. "Oh it's you, Wabbit. I wondered where you were." The Wabbit shook his head. "How did you get here, Skratch?" Skratch also shook his head. "I'm not sure. I chased after you, then a force sucked me right into the craft" "You didn't see the Orange Phantom?" asked the Wabbit. "No but I heard voices shouting about cargo and I lay low." Once more, the Wabbit looked around - but things remained unclear. Then he remembered that Skratch had a cat's night vision and he made a wry grin. "What is this place Skratch?" Skratch raised his eyes. "At first I thought I was in a power station but then it struck me as more familiar." The Wabbit waited but Lapinette jumped in. "What on earth is it, Skratch?" "It looks like a submarine," came the reply. The Wabbit thought long and hard about crafts and planets and primeval atoms and nothing made any sense, except for one thing. "Skratch, can you sail it?" "I think so," said Skratch, "so what do you want me to do?" "Dive!" yelled the Wabbit.

12. The Wabbit and Undeclared Cargo

There was a rumbling and a crashing and the creature spoke for the first time. "Cargo arrives!" he shouted and started to spread his wings. Oranges shot through every gap and soon the room was swirling with them. Before long they assembled in formation behind the creature and the Wabbit became aware of the faintest hum. With it came an unpleasant vibration and the Wabbit began to feel distinctly uncomfortable, then nauseous. He looked at Lapinette but Lapinette was already turning away and Ghost Bunny had a pallor that defied colour itself. "Time to go!" shouted the Wabbit and he waved the way forward. "Where to?" shouted Lapinette. "Somewhere more congenial," yelled the Wabbit. But the floor began to feel sticky and a strong smell of citrus filled the room. The Wabbit pulled his feet from the tiles with difficulty, then managed to make some ground, but it was heavy going. Lapinette's long legs served better to coast over the surface and she nearly flew, while Ghost Bunny put her shoulder behind the Wabbit and pushed. They all shot forward and into another space. Suddenly there was no more sound or vibration or sticky citrus smell. Everything was still. They stayed panting in the darkness for a moment and then the Wabbit spoke. "Is this the way out?"

11.The Wabbit and Bureacratic Attack

If the interior of the craft was a surprise to the Wabbit, he didn't let it show, certainly not to the looming creature to whom he stretched a paw. "Commander Wabbit," he said. "Grand Mandarin of the Orange Guild." He gestured to Lapinette, then smiled broadly at the creature. "And this is my Darling, Clementine." Lapinette grinned a sickly grin but the creature said not a word. Ghost Bunny fluttered through the stream of phrases behind the curtain. "I am Commissioner Ghost Bunny of Pluto," she shrieked. The creature slid back. "Where are your papers?" yelled Ghost Bunny. The creature slid back further. "Oh don't mind her, she's doing her ghostly job," said the Wabbit in a reassuring tone. "All the same, we shall need your proof of payment for the cargo you shipped on board." The creature looked blank. "And recquisition and purchase orders, receipts and the waybill," added the Wabbit. He glanced across at Lapinette, who smiled sweetly and spoke softly. "We further require a list of all crew and their credentials and transit papers, duly stamped." Ghost Bunny shrieked without warning. "All galactic movements including destinations and flight plans must receive prior approval of the Galactic Space Safety Board! Where are your papers?" The Wabbit noted the creature's shake of the head and he shook his own sadly. "Then you must consider yourself under arrest."

10. The Wabbit & the Thing in the Way

The tangerine storm died down. But now the team faced a giant obstacle in the road and they studied what looked like a massive blue orange. For some time nothing happened but the Wabbit's ears twitched up at a faint rumbling and he stared at the bulging spot. "It moved," said the Wabbit. "What did?" asked Lapinette. "The bulgy bit," said the Wabbit. "Oh," said Lapinette, "that’s called the calyx." But just as she said “calyx”, there was judder and a hiss as a hatch swung back. The Blue Orange groaned as it became semi transparent and a series of words and phrases appeared. The Wabbit placed his paws behind his back, leaned forward and screwed up his eyes. "OK Lapinette, what are these?" Lapinette squinted too. "They look like commodities," she said, "resources, production ... and work hours too." Ghost Bunny nodded gravely. "This is probably where the Phantoms bring primeval atoms." “To take their energy," said the Wabbit. "Energy for their sun," added Lapinette. "What do you think is inside?" "Only one way to find out," chirped the Wabbit. He waved at the hatch and hopped back to take a run and jump. But he never had the chance to leap because they were seized by a force as strong as a billion vacuum cleaners. Unable to resist, they were sucked upwards and into the interior of the Blue Orange.

9 The Wabbit and the Tangerine Storm

The team headed up Corso Giulio Cesare which the Wabbit didn't like one bit, because he thought it was unlucky. He was still cold and muttering about the Ides of March, when he felt a light wind. "I have a bad feeling about this," said the Wabbit and then he cried with pain as a tangerine hit him full on the nose. With a suddeness that took them all by surprise, they were surrounded by a flurry of fruit. The Wabbt swayed back but Lapinette left the ground and two automatics flew from under her dress. The Wabbit clenched his 28 teeth as various items he kept in his fur spilled out and blew around. "The Tangerine Storm!" yelled Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit yelped as another tangerine whacked his forehead. "What do we do Ghost Bunny?" Lapinette strained to be heard above the wind. "Sit it out," screamed Ghost Bunny. "It will pass!" The Wabbit and Lapinette felt they were in no position to sit, but as suddenly as it had begun the tangerine storm passed and they dropped to the sidewalk like stones. "I bashed my knee," moaned the Wabbit. He looked aound for sympathy, but no sympathy was forthcoming. "This means war," he hissed, then thought of Brutus and quoted him. "We must take the current when it serves - or lose our dentures." "Ventures," sighed Lapinette.

8. The Wabbit and change in Weather

They lost sight of the Phantoms as they crossed the bridge and as they walked beside the river they felt a sudden chill. "It's happening, it's happening!" screeched Ghost Bunny. "What's happening?" shivered the Wabbit. Ghost Bunny shivered too. "This is how they do it," she moaned. Now the Wabbit was very cold and he grunted again. "Spit it out, Ghost Bunny!" Ghost Bunny wailed frantically. "They're looking for energy and when they find it, they'll take it." The Wabbit clapped his paws for heat and grunted again. "Then they convert it and their planet glows blue." continued Ghost Bunny. "I wish you'd tell us the whole story, Ghost Bunny," said Lapinette. "I feel rather in the dark." "The Phantoms worship their sun and continually feed it," sighed Ghost Bunny. "They rampage their constellation for loot." "We're too far away for that," scoffed the Wabbit. "Well, they must be desperate," replied Ghost Bunny and she haunted up and down for some time. "What are they looking for exactly?" asked the Wabbit. "Primeval atoms," said Ghost Bunny. "But they don't really exist, do they?" said Lapinette. "Oh they do, they do!" moaned Ghost Bunny. "Then what do they look like?" asked the Wabbit, stamping his feet. "They're about the size of a ..." Ghost Bunny thought for a second. "Tangerine?" suggested Lapinette.

7. The Wabbit and the Manifestation

The Wabbit was hot, his brain was hot and his gun was hot. At this precise juncture, there was little about the Wabbit that was cool. The temperature rose steadily as Lapinette, Ghost Bunny and the Wabbit toured the city for the Orange Phantoms without success. But as they climbed the old stairs to the ancient monastery, they suddenly materialised. Phantoms wafted down the steps wihout so much as by your leave and the Wabbit growled under his breath. "Halt!" he shouted, but nothing happened. Nothing whatsoever. Except that the Phantoms kept coming. "Hold onto your fur!" shouted Ghost Bunny and braced herself as they marched closer and closer and passed straight through everyone. "Ooooh," said Lapinette, "that felt clammy hot." "I hate that," said Ghost Bunny. "Good grief," muttered the Wabbit. "They're not the slightest bit interested in us." "Are you upset?" laughed Lapinette. "Not at all," said the Wabbit. "No offence taken. I guess shooting them won't work then?" Ghost Bunny shook her head. "They like energy." "I could use some myself," said the Wabbit wearily. "I suppose we'd better follow them," suggested Lapinette. "How long can you follow an orange?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette smiled. "Until they run out of juice."

6. The Wabbit & the Orange Phantoms

The Wabbit relayed Skratch's information about the Orange Sun and Ghost Bunny said "I told you so." "Told me what?" The Wabbit was discourteous when he got really hot. "I told you about Planet HD 62509b." wailed Ghost Bunny. Now the Wabbit was flummoxed. "Why can't they give planets sensible names!" he shouted. "Like Luigi," offered Lapinette, who was familiar with the Wabbit's fits of annoyance. "Perhaps the Planet of Phantoms isn't good enough for you," moaned Ghost Bunny, who was also getting annoyed. "Oh sorry everyone," said the Wabbit, "I need some shade." Lapinette looked around for shade before the Wabbit became furious. "What about down there? "she suggested. Then she paused. "What's up?" asked the Wabbit. "I don't suppose these phantoms are orange?" Lapinette pointed vaguely downwards. "Of course they're orange," snapped Ghost Bunny, "what colour do you think they should be?" "Then they're already here," sighed Lapinette. The Wabbit summoned the strength to shrug. "Are they dangerous?" Ghost Bunny moaned and blanched in fright. The Wabbit didn't know ghosts could turn pale so he tried to soothe her. "Orange Phantoms," he said pithily. "At least we can 'peel 'em." "Pip-squeaks," smiled Lapinette.

5. Skratch the Cat and the Two Suns

Skratch stood on the platform at Santa Maria del Monte and watched the city as instructed. But it was so hot he switched his radio to paws-free and rested it on a wall. The radio crackled. Skratch put a paw across his eyes and purred gently without much energy. "Receiving, go ahead." "What can you see from up there?" The Wabbit's voice was terse and Skratch matched it. "Does two suns sound normal to you, Wabbit?" There was a hissing and it wasn't the radio. "Only on Kepler 2b and it 600 light years away!" The Wabbit sounded bad tempered and Skratch wanted to join him. "Well frankly, one sun looks a bit like an orange." "I don't like oranges," said the Wabbit. "I can't stand them myself," replied Skratch. The radio went silent for some time and then suddenly burst into life. "Even the radio's bad-tempered," thought Skratch.  The Wabbit's voice was hoarse. "Can you see any tangerines?" "I can see small orange things approaching the second sun," observed Skratch. "How do you know it's the second and not the first?" The Wabbit sounded exasperated. "It's got no clouds across it," groaned Skratch, "how hot is it down there?" The radio crackled again. "I saw a chicken lay an omelet."

4. The Wabbit & the Wayward Tangerine

When Ghost Bunny and the Wabbit reached Pluto Park they were broiling in the heat of the sun. Lapinette waved across the tram tracks. "Hello, hello! It's just too darn hot to mention." "We're having a heat wave," said the Wabbit and he juggled some tangerines that he's found in the street. "A tropical heat wave," added Ghost Bunny. Lapinette picked up more tangerines and threw them at the Wabbit and the Wabbit included them in his juggle. "Where did all the tangerines come from?" asked Lapinette. "They must have dropped off the back of a lorry," said the Wabbit and he threw one tangerine quite high. But the tangerine didn't drop, it kept going. "Come back!" shouted the Wabbit and he tried to grab it. But it eluded his grasp and sailed off. "You don't see that every day," said Lapinette, picking up more tangerines. "There's something fishy about this," wailed Ghost Bunny. She floated after the tangerine, observed it closely and then returned. "It's not coming back," she whispered. "I wouldn't normally care," said the Wabbit, who generally avoided citrus things. "But now I'm hot and bothered and taking things to heart." "It's not personal," said Ghost Bunny. "It's being drawn by an unknown force." "What would attract a tangerine?" mused Lapinette. One by one they looked skywards. 

3. The Wabbit and the Big Heat

The Wabbit thought little more about the planet from the Gemini Constellation, but something unsettled him and he couldn't sleep. So he went for an early walk to greet the rosy-fingered dawn. On his way he bumped into Ghost Bunny who was fluttering down Corso Francia on her way to Pluto Park. "Hauntingly hot, Wabbit," she moaned. She reached out and pulled a pair of sunglasses from the Wabbit's fur, then put them on. "I'm baking," said the Wabbit. They both looked up and the Wabbit shielded his eyes. "Did you hear about the planet from Pollux?" he ventured. Ghost Bunny looked quizzical under her glasses. "Do tell," she wailed softly. The Wabbit grinned. "A planet broke orbit and it's supposed to be headed here." Ghost Bunny blinked. "What colour planet, do you know?" "It looks like an orange," said the Wabbit. There was a silence and the Wabbit saw that Ghost Bunny was trembling. "Danger danger!" she shrieked suddenly. The Wabbit was surprised because he knew that nothing frightened Ghost Bunny with the exception of Puma. "How close is it?" asked Ghost Bunny. "Not too far," smiled the Wabbit.  "Aaaaaaaagh," shrieked Ghost Bunny. "Red alert!" The Wabbit raised an eye. "It's planet HD 62509b," she explained. "We call it the Planet of Phantoms ..."

2. The Wabbit and a Star called Pollux

There wasn't much on the Wabbit's desk except for a small disk marked "View immediately without delay." So he hopped to a small cinema in Via Nizza where he had an arrangement. The Wabbit sprawled in his seat and rustled a copy of Popular Astronomy that he had bought on a whim at the railway station. "The Milky Way!" boomed a voice, "a spiral just like the shell of the common snail." The Wabbit looked at his magazine and yawned. "Tell us something we don't know." The voice boomed again. "What you don't know is that a planet from the Gemini constellation has broken orbit and is heading this way." "It looks like an orange," snorted the Wabbit. "It looks rather like an orange," continued the voice. "And it formerly orbited the K-type star, Pollux." The Wabbit suddenly paid attention. "Castor and Pollux," he breathed. "The seamen's friends." He put down his magazine and stared at the screen. "Where's Gemini?" The voice sighed. "Where it usually is. Right ascension 07h 45m 18.94987s. Declination +28° 01′ 34.3160."  "And how far away is the object now?" hissed the Wabbit. "20 light years and closing, Commander." The Wabbit sniffed. "And how long is a bit of string?" "Twice as long as half the length," said the voice.

1. The Wabbits head Home

"Everything ship-shape?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit's jeep was perfectly safe on the Streets of New York and had even been given a wash, so he leaned back. "You drive," he said." "Then you get dinner," replied Lapinette. "Deal," said the Wabbit. "And I don't mean Menu of the Day," said Lapinette firmly. "I want a treat with tablecloths and napkins and different sized glasses." "OK," agreed the Wabbit, rummaging in his fur for lunch vouchers. Lapinette crashed the jeep into gear. "How are the others getting back?" The jeep lurched forward as the Wabbit thought for a second and counted on his paw. "Puma's on public transport. Moloch's using his 7 league boots, Wabsworth and Skratch are in Turbina the Jet Car." Lapinette frowned. "What about Robot?" The Wabbit shook his head. "He has another football match." Lapinette turned on the radio. A frantic sports commentator listed team line-ups in a nasally voice. Lapinette switched the radio off. "What are we going to do for our next adventure?" she asked. "I'm sure there's something waiting on my desk," said the Wabbit. "I feel it in my waters." Lapinette suppressed a smile. "Do you want me find out? I'll radio Ledger, back at base." "It'll keep," snapped the Wabbit quickly. Lapinette smirked. "It's 700 kilometers to Turin." "Are we there yet?" said the Wabbit.

The Adventure Caffè at Cinecittà

"Can I say it, can I say it, can I say it?" Moloch's voice boomed from the back. The Wabbit glanced at Skratch the Cat and Skratch nodded his approval. Moloch cleared his throat and spread his considerable arms. "What was that for a kind of adventure?" he yelled. Lapinette shook her ears. "It was just a story." Skratch thrust himself forward. "Just a story?" he snorted. "Stories are the life blood of ..." Skratch paused because he couldn't think what to say next. "Existence?" suggested the Wabbit. Wabsworth rapped the table for attention and addressed Lapinette. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Lapinette, than are dreamt of in your morphology." Skratch applauded. "Well put Wabsworth!" The Wabbit also rapped the table. "That was a pastiche of Cabiria, a Turin product and the best silent film ever made." "Oh was Cabiria a film?" said Moloch. "I could have sworn it was real." "That's the whole point," said Skratch, "and by the way, where are the aperitivi?" "Moloch was supposed to get them," said the Wabbit, turning. "I'm a bit short," said Moloch. "Could you lend me 50 euro until Friday?" "It is Friday," smiled Lapinette. And they all laughed and laughed and laughed.

16. The Wabbit and the Incarceration

A detail from the Wabbit's personal guard mopped up the remainder of the Agents of Rabit, while the Wabbit looked on approvingly. "This way, this way," shouted Moloch from inside the jail, He licked his lips and looked at the Wabbit. "What shall I do with the prisoners?" "Do you what you like!" scowled the Wabbit. He had fought the Agents so hard and for so long that he hardly cared. "There are rather many," said Moloch. "Just lock 'em up," said the Wabbit, "we'll decide later." "May I accompany you to your adventure caffè?" asked Moloch. "You're the guest of honour," said the Wabbit, and then he paused. "Tell me where you got the new threads, Moloch?" Moloch looked questioningly. "The garments, the schmutter," said the Wabbit. "I recall you had rather a different costume in the old days." "Oh," said Moloch smiling, "I visited an Indonesian shop in Via Garibaldi." The Wabbit raised an eyebrow. "The staff were most accommodating," continued Moloch, "and I got a rather good deal." "I'm hardly surprised," said the Wabbit with a grin. One of the Wabbit's guard saluted. "Commander Sir!" The Wabbit raised another eyebrow. "The prisoners are insisting on their rights, Sir. They want television, Sir." "The Wabbit threw back his ears and laughed. "I can't think of a better punishment!"

15.The Wabbit & the Flying Munitions

The whistling turned to a drone and the drone turned to a roar as Susan the Biplane came diving from the sky and swept the Wabbit up with a single swoop. Now she hurtled down the film set with the Agents of Rabit in hot pursuit. "Thanks Susan." said the Wabbit. "You don't have to say anything, Sir," said Susan, "you just have to whistle." The Wabbit grinned as he tucked Moloch's ring into the cockpit and started to dislodge the packages that were taped to Susan's wing. "Down a bit Susan," said the Wabbit. "Let them think we're running out of fuel." Susan's engine coughed and spluttered as she dropped sharply. Agents of Rabit scurried out of every corner and shook their fists. "Here they come," murmured the Wabbit. "Come to Daddy." An Agent tried to jump on board but failed miserably. "Rabits can't jump," sneered the Wabbit, and he started kicking. Blue packages fell like rain onto the street below and lay there. "Go Susan, go!" yelled the Wabbit. He jumped into the cockpit as Susan soared near vertically above the rooftops. "Hit it!" shouted the Wabbit. Susan's engine roared but the Wabbit could still hear the faintest of clicks from Susan's instrument panel. "Kaboom," said the Wabbit.

14. The Wabbit runs into Trouble

The Wabbit made a swift getaway but not swift enough. As he rounded a corner, he came face to face with an elite corp of the Agents of Rabit. The Agents looked at the Wabbit and they didn't look pleased. "Think you're smart, Wabbit?" said one. "Think you're clever?" said another. The Wabbit stood stock still as only he could do. "Run out of wisecracks, Wabbit?" said an Agent at the back. "I never run out of wisecracks," shrugged the Wabbit. "You've gone too far, this time" said an Agent. "Not far enough," quipped the Wabbit. The Wabbit's ears moved gently as he listened intently, because the Wabbit had a plan. But the trouble about plans as he had come to understand, was that they needed improvisation. So he started to whistle in rather a tuneless way that he knew was intensely annoying. "Give us the ring!" shouted the Agents, edging forward. For their own part they knew that the Wabbit could be tricky, so they were cautious. But the Wabbit continued to whistle. "Cease making that noise!" said the lead Agent. "What noise?" The Wabbit managed to speak and whistle at the same time. "I can't hear a thing," said the Wabbit. "It must be the wind." The Agents could feel no wind and they shook their fists, but the whistle got louder and louder and louder.

13. The Wabbit sets out his Stall

The Wabbit set out his stall carefully and started to shout. "Free valuations. We buy gold!"  A snickering echoed from the walls as the Agents of Rabit drew close. "All welcome," said the Wabbit. "Best prices paid." He gestured to his display of rings and nodded several times. He noticed that one Agent was clutching a large ring and he smiled nonchalantly. "Never knowingly oversold," he chuckled. "If you can find a higher price than mine, I'll refund you the original price plus half the difference." An Agent held a ring aloft. "This is worth more than you can ever pay!" he shouted. The Wabbit smiled again in a most irritating fashion. "How much do you think it's worth, squire?" "A kings ransom," yelled the Agent. "Kings are out of fashion," grinned the Wabbit. "Quite worthless. I'll give you a gazillion." The Agents huddled to discuss the matter, while the Wabbit pretended to smooth his fur. "We're thinking about it," said the leading Agent. "I need to examine the goods," said the Wabbit. "Pass the ring over here." The Agent approached the Wabbit's stall and the Wabbit passed his paw over the ring and uttered "Sim sala bim." "What does that mean?" said the Agent. "It means look up at the sky!" smiled the Wabbit. As the Agent looked up, the Wabbit dropped the ring into his fur and substituted another." I'm afraid your ring is fake," frowned the Wabbit.

12. The Wabbit and Android Recovery

"There he is!" shouted Lapinette. Moloch gripped Wabsworth tightly as he peered over the top of the damaged building. "How did Wabsworth survive the blast?" muttered Skratch. Moloch laughed. "He tells me he was recently retro fitted with an outer membrane of blast-proof silicone." "Now everyone will want it," sulked the Wabbit. Wabsworth hung on as the roof shook. "So much for your trick, Wabbit," cried Moloch."The Agents of Rabit still possess my ring." "There's more than one way to knit a sweater," said the Wabbit. "Oh yes Wabbit?" queried Moloch, "surely you're not spinning me a yarn." "Let's workshop it then," said Lapinette. The Wabbit rummaged in his fur and took out a hammer, saw and a piece of wood. Everyone groaned except for Moloch who howled. Wabsworth clung to the swaying parapet and called down with an angry voice. "I propose luring them across concealed pits lined with sharp spikes," "They'll never fall for that one," said Skratch. "I still go for fake rings," said the Wabbit. "They won't be expecting the same dodge." Skratch grimaced. "The Wabbit always rings twice?" "Nothing better than rings to get 'em nosing around," grinned the Wabbit.

11. The Wabbit and the Big Bang

"Look out Wabsworth." Lapinette screamed at the top of her voice but her words were drowned by a detonation and she watched helplessly as Wabsworth spiralled skyward. The Wabbit loped towards the source of the explosion but he could hardly see for dust. "Wabsworth!" he shouted and he kicked debris from right to left. "Get down Wabbit," yelled Skratch. "There might be another one." But no more explosions came and gradually the dust settled. Lapinette picked small wood splinters from her fur and cursed silently. Skratch gripped his automatic fiercely and looked desperately for something to shoot. The Wabbit glanced all around but of Wabsworth there was not the slightest sign. He sniffed the air and twitched his nose and sniffed again. "Curious," he muttered. "He can't just disappear into thin air." Lapinette coughed and blew dust from her nose. "The air's not so thin, Wabbit," grimaced Skratch as tears streamed down his face and matted his fur. Acrid fumes drifted across the insubstantial buildings and they all rubbed their eyes. Suddenly the air cleared and the Wabbit thought he heard a rustling sound. "I'm sure I heard something," said Lapinette. "So did I," said Skratch. Then they all looked up.