3 The Wabbit and the Dark Presence

Big Blue Snail and the Wabbit hurried to the Blue Exit and there in their path was a presence.  A swirling black cloud was making its way slowly but steadily through the temporary entrance to the Porta Nuova Station. The Wabbit held out a paw to stop Snail’s advance and Snail slithered to a halt. "What is that thing, Wabbit?" asked Snail. "Just stand still," said the Wabbit, "Stand very, very still." The presence slowly advanced and moved straight through them as if they weren’t there. "I thought so,” said the Wabbit. "Thought what?" asked Snail. "A Dark Energy Creature," said the Wabbit. "Is that proved?" said Snail, who was a sceptic when it came to theoretical physics. The Wabbit shivered.  "It is now," he said. "Snail, how did you feel?" "I felt nothing at all," said Snail. "It ruffled my fur," said the Wabbit. They watched as the presence moved slowly onwards. "Where is it going?" asked Snail. "Where would you go if you were dark energy?" replied the Wabbit. Snail thought for a minute. "The Metro?" He tried to shrug like the Wabbit, half succeeded and then asked, "Who knows most about dark energy?" "Lapinette," said the Wabbit. Snail considered. "I don't like the look of 'em, we need more help." "Ghost Bunny," said the Wabbit immediately. "Better get on your radio," said Snail. "To call Ghost Bunny," smiled the Wabbit, "I need no radio." And he twitched his special blue glasses in a most special way.

2. The Wabbit and the Mind of Railways

The Wabbit hopped through the Porta Nuova station. He thought of it as a short cut, but this was an illusion. Because of its many interesting features, it was always more of a long cut for the Wabbit. As he was pondering, he found himself hopping beside Big Blue Snail. "Perfect!" thought the Wabbit. Big Blue Snail was the most mindful creature he knew and he hoped it would rub off on him. "Hello Snail, how is your path?" he asked. "I am on it," said Snail. "So am I," thought  the Wabbit, but stayed silent. "This," said Snail, "is the railway station, and so I am both arriving and leaving." "When I pass through," said the Wabbit mindfully, "I am the station." There was no reply and the Wabbit paused. “Speak quick!" said Snail. The Wabbit shrugged and placed his paws over his mouth. "The train arriving at Platform Ten is leaving at Platform  One," he announced in an echoing voice. Snail smiled as passengers darted hither and thither. "Wabbit, there is no train at platform Ten." "Nor at Platform One," said the Wabbit. Snail turned to the Wabbit. "What is the mind of the railway?" The Wabbit  glanced up and his eyes twinkled. "The timetable," he said simply. Snail smiled. "Then what is the timetable for our next adventure?" The Wabbit gestured suddenly for Snail to follow. "I think it’s just started over there, at the Blue Exit ...”

1. The Wabbit and Mindful Mindfulness

The Wabbit was hopping his favourite portico and deep in thought when he was abruptly interrupted. "Ho there, Wabbit!" called Skratch the Cat. Skratch was fresh from his mindfulness class and couldn't help spreading mindfulness around. "Mind your path," he intoned and lowered his head gravely. That action was mostly lost on the Wabbit, because he hadn't looked round. He knew very well that Skratch would catch up quickly and regale him with his latest learning. "I am hopping," said the Wabbit quietly. "Well, when you hop, you must hop," said Skratch, "and when I prowl, I must prowl." The Wabbit had never thought otherwise, but Lapinette had recommended the class, so he bore Skratch's enthusiasm with equanimity. "Where are you going?" asked Skratch.  The Wabbit' eyes twinkled. "It's only my path, and there is no coming or going," he said sagely, just to wind Skratch up. But Skratch nodded so seriously that the Wabbit pounced. "What must we be mindful of?" he asked suddenly. "The present!" said Skratch. The Wabbit grinned and softly enquired, "Where is the present?" Skratch looked hesitant and the Wabbit took his opportunity. "Here it is!" shouted the Wabbit and he hopped on Skratch's foot.

The Wabbit & Commodity Prices

Very, very early in the morning, on the path by the River, the Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette met with the Alien Pilot. It was unfinished business, because the Pilot had said he would pay their price for obtaining the Sharpies - and their metal. The Wabbit wanted to leave the whole thing be. But Lapinette thought that was discourteous. "The Alien Pilot rescued us, make no bones about it," she had said in a special voice and the Wabbit knew better than to argue. Her words rang in his ears when the Pilot spoke. "You did me a favour Wabbit." The Wabbit inclined his head. "I heard about metal commodities in a bar on the Planet Lythion and decided to try my luck." The Wabbit tilted his head even further and narrowed his eyes. "Then call it 50 Quid and we're square," he murmured. "It's too little," said the Pilot, dropping high denomination coins into Lapinette's paw. Lapinette span them in the air and caught them with her other paw. "Pilot," said the Wabbit finally, "you did us a favour, your money's no good here." "Business is business," said the Pilot. The Wabbit paused. "Then call it our investment in your future business," he said. The Pilot raised all of his eyes. "In which we'll take considerable interest," smiled Lapinette innocently.

Quid: Quasi Universal Intergalactic Denomination

The Wabbit & the after Adventure Picnic

They all gathered and drank aperitivi and talked about what a strange adventure it had been. There had been so many enemies and unexpected happenings that they were quite bemused. Still, the Wabbit did think about asking Skratch the Cat what type of adventure it was, but there was little point. Skratch had already said it was like the movie, Rio Bravo. "There were rather a lot of guns in our adventure," said Lapinette. "Yes and they weren't much use, were they?" sighed the Wabbit, "they weigh down my fur a lot and require maintenance." "In future Wabbit, we need to use our wits more than weapons," said Skratch. The Wabbit thought for a bit, sipped his aperitivo and listened to the children. "Skratch," interrupted Lapinette, "what resolved the story in Rio Bravo?" "Explosives," said Skratch, with a matter of fact purr. "Remind me of what happened," said Lapinette brightly and considered another aperitivo. Skratch smiled a very broad smile indeed. "The heroes threw the dynamite at their enemies and set it off with gunfire." "The Wabbit sighed a long sigh. "Then I suppose it just depends," he said. "Depends on what?" asked Lapinette. "What I happen to have in my fur," smiled the Wabbit.

14. The Wabbit and the Big Think

Skratch led everyone back through the Secret Tunnel and it did indeed emerge at the pretty garden that the Wabbit liked. "All's well that ends well!" said Skratch, gesturing back at Ledger and his wife and children. The Wabbit shook his head. "These recent adventures don't end," he said, "they just seem go on and on." "Just like life, Wabbit," said Lapinette. "One adventure ends and another starts." "But we still don't know why the Sharpies attacked us," said the Wabbit. "You're thinking again," said Skratch, "and too much thinking is a kind of curse." "It's called think-itis," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned and then thought about grinning so he stopped and made a straight face. "Don't you know the head gardener here?" asked Skratch. "I certainly do," said the Wabbit. "She's awfully nice and looks after my secret ..." The Wabbit realised everyone was listening intently and changed his mind. "Secret collection of pruning shears," he said finally. "Perhaps she could arrange for aperitivi to be served right here," said Lapinette. "All right," said the Wabbit. "Five aperitivi and some carrot juice for the children." "Some?" smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit made a quick calculation using both paws and narrowed eyes. "25 Litres," he smiled. "And picnic biscuits!" yelled Skratch.

13, The Wabbit and the Alien Attraction

The engine drone became deafening as the plane flew overhead. The Wabbit clutched his fur as blades flew upwards towards a familiar object. "Why didn't I think of that?," muttered the Wabbit. "You can't think of everything," said Skratch, "you think too much as it is!" A clang rang out as a Sharpie stuck to a giant magnet. The Wabbit flinched back as a spike grazed his nose. "At least we know who it is!" said Lapinette. "Oh yes," muttered the Wabbit, who hadn't a clue. "This is Rio Bravo, Wabbit!" shouted Skratch. The Wabbit shrugged. "Because people you rejected are turning up to help," said Skratch." The Wabbit shook his head. "Wabbit, you're hopeless," grinned Lapinette. But as she gestured happily, the radio flew from her paw and joined the blades on their hapless journey to the giant magnet. "Grrr," said Lapinette. "Don't worry, Feathers" chortled the Wabbit. "I have another." The Wabbit shoved a paw in his fur for his spare radio - but Skratch clamped a paw down hard. "Leave it Wabbit. Let the Alien Pilot sort it out." "Alien Pilot!" shouted the "Wabbit. "I sent him far away." "Fortunately, not far enough," said Skratch.

12. The Wabbit and the Scrap Metal Trade

Lapinette grabbed the radio from the Wabbit and hit it once. For a few seconds nothing happened. Then the radio crackled and burst into life. They could hear the sound of a plane and a voice sang, "Any old iron, any old iron, any any any old iron." The Wabbit started to tap a foot but Lapinette stepped on it sharply and glared at him. "Single engine light plane, 1930s," said the Wabbit. "Not one of ours?" asked Lapinette. "Definitely not," said the Wabbit. Lapinette lifted the radio. "To whom am I speaking," she enquired. The singing stopped and the engine drone dropped. "Just an old space trader," said a voice. Lapinette paused and considered.  “Don’t I know you from somewhere?" she asked. "It’s a small galaxy," said the voice. "“But you need some assistance and I’m here to take any old scrap metal off your paws." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and raised an eye. The Wabbit shrugged. Lapinette lifted the radio again. "We do have some merchandise," she breathed softly. The Wabbit jumped up and down and waved both paws upwards. "For a price," hissed Lapinette. "I buy any scrap," hummed the voice. "with your price paid." Lapinette looked at the Sharpies’ blades and smiled. "You take charge of the merchandise and we’ll agree a price later." "On my way," said the voice. "And if you have anything metal in your fur ..." The Wabbit patted his fur frantically. "... please anchor it down." said the voice. 

11. The Wabbit & the Room with a View

The Wabbit led the rush to the balcony and they all scrambled up. But the Sharpies were fast and hurled blade after blade. Automatics were hardly a match for the missiles, but for a while their fire held the enemy at bay. "What next Wabbit?" shouted Lapinette. "Aim for the blades," he yelled. "Kill the blades and you kill the ghouls." "That's the wrong film, Wabbit," shouted Skratch. "This is Rio Bravo, not the Night of the Living Dead!" "We'll be the living dead in a minute!" scowled Lapinette as a blade shattered close to her foot. Blades rained down and some wedged quivering in the brickwork. "We need reinforcements," muttered Skratch as he dragged Lapinette onto the balcony. "I'd radio in if I had a spare paw," said the Wabbit, dispatching two Sharpies with two shots. Suddenly the Sharpies stopped. Sounds of fighting died away and there was silence. The Wabbit shook his head and slid fresh clips into his guns. "The radio, Wabbit!" whispered Lapinette. "Oh yes," said the Wabbit and he fished in his fur. He fished for a long time, glancing up from time to time and smiling with a lopsided grin. Finally he found what he was looking for and looked directly at Lapinette with a straight face. "Did you remember to charge the batteries?" he smiled.

10. The Wabbit & the Companions of Evil

The friends emerged from the tunnel to find themselves in the woods, directly opposite the back of Ledger's house. "Good grief, Wabbit, what the devil are these?" hissed Skratch. The Wabbit's normally cheerful demeanour dropped, to be replaced by a look of horror. "They're Sharpies," he whispered, "don't let them see us." "I've never heard of them," said Lapinette. "They're supposed to be a legend," replied the Wabbit, "but clearly that's a myth." "What's their raison d’être?" asked Lapinette. "Slicing and dicing," said the Wabbit gravely. "They reduce everything to shavings." "What can they want with us?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit whispered at length. "The legend tells that they only respond to great evil, which they cannot resist. They dissect victims with their many blades in the service of evil." "The companions of evil,” murmured Lapinette. "Exactly," said the Wabbit, "but who are their companions?" "Could be anyone, really," shrugged Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded sadly but Ledger nudged him and pointed to the balcony. "Something's happening," he said. "How do you know?" asked Skratch. "I know my wife," said Ledger. And as they looked, the sharp crack of an automatic turned all into confusion ... 

9. The Wabbit moves Underground

Deep under the bunker lay the tunnel and the Wabbit led the way. "Let's take this path," said the Wabbit. "I don't know what's at that end," warned Skratch the Cat. "There's only one way to find out," said the Wabbit and he hopped forward. Lapinette pointed her torch. "I think it's the house," she said. "The house it is then," murmured the Wabbit, "and let's be on the lookout for anything that smacks of geometry." "So we won't go off at a tangent," smirked Ledger. The Wabbit glanced at Ledger with astonishment and nudged Skratch. "I think I saw Ledger smile," he whispered. "A trick of the light," grinned Skratch. They hopped for quite a while, then Skratch glanced overhead. "I wonder where we are exactly?" "I'd say we're parallel with the edge of the woods," said the Wabbit. Skratch narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "They're surely expecting us," he sighed. "They're expecting something," said the Wabbit, "but now they're uncertain." "We're not even certain of who they are," said Lapinette. "It doesn't matter, because they will underestimate us,"  said the Wabbit. Sudden quiet fell and their shadows seemed to pace them as they travelled. "We appear weak, when we are strong." explained the Wabbit. "How strong are we?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit flicked imaginary dust from his fur. "We're all packing heat," he drawled.

8. The Wabbit and the Secret Bunker

The Wabbit and Lapinette hopped rapidly under the trees to avoid the guided pencils raining from the sky, but still the Euclidean fighters circled. Deeper into the woods they spotted something odd. "What's that?" puffed the Wabbit. Lapinette stared. "It looks like a bunker," she said, "but I thought there were no bunkers left." "Maybe we can shelter there?" said the Wabbit - but as he hopped closer, a door creaked open. The Wabbit and Lapinette drew automatics from their fur and held their breath. "Surprise!" shouted a familiar voice. First Skratch's head, then Ledger's appeared from the doorway. "Better get inside!" yelled Skratch, "before they start progression bombing." Lapinette looked in the door. "Where on earth does this go?" "You're not going to believe me," said Skratch. "Let's talk inside," yelled the Wabbit as the increasing drone told him fighters were closing. Safe in the bunker's interior they listened as the fighters' drone grew inaudible. They sighed with relief and looked at each other. "I wasn't expecting this turn of events," said the Wabbit. "What were you expecting?" asked Skratch. "Just normal mild peril," said the Wabbit. Skratch smiled. "This leads to a tunnel," he said. "Where to?" "Where from, you mean," said Skratch. "Grrr," said the Wabbit. "From that garden you like," said Skratch, "You found it by trowel and error?" grinned the Wabbit. 

7. The Wabbit and the Euclidian Faction

The Wabbit had joined Lapinette to the rear of Ledger's house, when he heard a drone that he recognised. He gripped Lapinette's arm tightly and pulled. "Run Run!" he shouted and they ran as fast as they could. But the three fighters looming from the sky were faster. They swooped over and back - and when they spotted the Wabbit and Lapinette, they started to fire. "Guided pencils!" shouted the Wabbit, jumping to avoid the sharpened missiles. "Who are they?" yelled Lapinette, fishing her automatic from her fur. "They're Euclidians," yelled the Wabbit. "They split from mainstream mathematics to take up armed geometry." "Are they the ones who employed Ledger to spy on us?" asked Lapinette. "I don't think so," said the Wabbit and he fired unsuccessfully at one of the fighters. "But they might be in league with others." They both stood their ground and for a while they shot at the fighters and dodged their missiles. "Are these heat seeking?" said Lapinette, kicking one as it zoomed past. "It's possible," yelled the Wabbit, "but I think I know what guides them in." Lapinette fired another unsuccessful shot. "Do you have any graph pads in your fur?" asked the Wabbit. "Of course not!" shouted Lapinette. "I have six,” frowned the Wabbit. 

6. The Wabbit and the Wife in the Garret

The Wabbit climbed to the window and pushed it open. "I heard you were coming," said an imperious voice, "and it's not a moment too soon." The Wabbit looked inside to see Ledger's wife. "Acme Repairs at your service Mrs Ledger, there's remedial work to be done." "I've been waiting some time," said Mrs Ledger, "so I hope you're going to do a good job," "The very best we can," smiled the Wabbit. "Sorry you've been inconvenienced." He dropped his voice. "I hope we're not inconveniencing anyone else?" He looked behind her and all around, then questioningly raised his eyes. Mrs Ledger subtly gestured towards the back of the house with a paw and the Wabbit nodded and tapped his coat. "We have rather a lot of equipment, Mrs Ledger, Ma'am - so perhaps you might store some for us?" He winked broadly then fished in his fur and brought out an automatic. Then with a flick of his paw he sent it spiralling across the room. Mrs Ledger caught it deftly and winked back as she tucked it away. The Wabbit made to climb down the ladder but paused. "Is there any work to be done in the grounds?" he asked. Mrs Ledger nodded. "There's rather a lot of weeds to be cleared and some garbage to be removed." "We'll do the garbage first," said the Wabbit and he disappeared from sight.

5. The Wabbit effects Landlordly Repairs

There was quiet at the house where Ledger's family was captive. But it didn't last long. Suddenly there was a lot of noise in the Ledger Woods as the Wabbit chugged up with a strange vehicle. "Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho!" sang Lapinette, dancing on the forklift.  "It's off to work we go!" responded  the Wabbit. "With a drill and a bit!" trilled Lapinette. "And a little dab of spit," yelled the Wabbit, jumping down from the vehicle. "Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho!" They laughed and laughed and pretended to lark and joke like work rabbits in a medieval play. "Any sign of the enemy?" whispered Lapinette. "No sign of anyone at all," said the Wabbit. "Suspicious," said Lapinette. "Very" said the Wabbit. "Well, they know the landlord's coming," said Lapinette. "That explains the silence," said the Wabbit. They glanced at each other then at Ledger's house. I don't like the look of the gutters," commented the Wabbit. "The previous operatives were hideously inept," frowned Lapinette. "Needs sorting," grumbled the Wabbit." Sooner the better," agreed Lapinette. "I'll climb the ladder first," said the Wabbit, "and inspect the window frames." "A ladder is a means of access and not a working platform," said Lapinette primly. "That's true," said the Wabbit, "and we forgot our special hats," "And the building site signs," said Lapinette. "And portable toilets," added the Wabbit  "How will we ever manage?" smiled Lapinette. "Self control!" grinned the Wabbit. 

4. The Wabbit and the Property Business

"Keep your paws away from the trigger guard, Ledger" said Skratch, Ledger fumbled with his weapon and Skratch frowned. "Now rack the slide. Don't point it at my elbow, I like it the way it is." "Is that Ledger's house in the woods?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette tapped the screen with her pointer. "It is," she said. "Now that's a big mansion," said the Wabbit. "Ledger has a large family and takes in orphans," said Lapinette. "How many entry points?" asked the Wabbit. "Five counting the skylight," replied Lapinette. "Here, here, here, here and here." Her pointer tapped a staccato rhythm on the screen  "Nice piece of real estate," commented the Wabbit, "and it's given me an idea." Lapinette waited to hear a bizarre scheme. "We're going to buy the Ledger Wood," said the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed a very long sigh indeed. "Ledger!" shouted the Wabbit. "Yes, Commander," trembled Ledger. "You will purchase the Ledger Woods using the Dinosaur Fund," "Won't that be expensive?" said Ledger. "Enormously," said the Wabbit, "but it's such a good investment." "Ledger nodded and the Wabbit smiled. "Then arrange your colour pencils to let the enemy know we branched into property - and remind them that changes are due for the Ledger Wood." "Changes? said Ledger? "I'm your new landlord," said the Wabbit, "and I'll be doing what landlords seldom do." Everyone stared. "Making repairs," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Interrogation

"Explain!" barked the Wabbit. "Ledger trembled. "Why did you inform on us, Ledger?" asked Lapinette quietly, and she touched him lightly with a paw. "They are holding my family hostage," he said. The Wabbit's fur stood on end and he had too many questions - but he let Ledger continue. "They're imprisoned in my home and if I don't post information, they will be harmed." The Wabbit's blood boiled. "Where is your home, Ledger?" he asked. "In the Ledger Woods," said Ledger. "That's the Accountancy Quarter," said Skratch, looking down at a map. "And the colour pencils?" asked the Wabbit. "Details of movements in and out of the Dinosaur Fund," said Ledger gravely. "No-one knows that exists," said Skratch. "Well they do now," said the Wabbit and he thought for a bit. "Look Ledger," he said. "You're seconded to this team. Now you're a double agent." Ledger looked terrified. "Everything comes though me," continued the Wabbit, "and everything goes out from me." Ledger nodded. "Skratch the Cat will teach you to deceive and dissemble," stated the Wabbit. "With pleasure," smiled Skratch. "So what's your plan?" asked Lapinette. "The usual," said the Wabbit. Lapinette raised an eye in query. "Sow confusion," he grinned.

2. The Wabbit and Covert Surveillance

Ledger, the Department Accountant wasn't hard to track and the Wabbit and his team took up position. The Wabbit had made an arrangement with the Ditta Gianduja - so he watched from the empty haberdasher's shop. Skratch and Lapinette walked casually along the street bearing shopping bags, then back again, while Big Blue Snail lurked near the market to follow Ledger should the need arise. Only a moment elapsed before Ledger appeared. He looked around furtively, then seeing only shoppers bearing purchases, pulled a mail pack from his fur and put his pencil case inside. Then he popped it into the letterbox. It was an unusually hot day for the time of year, but even so, Ledger looked too flustered. He kept feeling in his fur as if he wanted to make sure something was still there. "May I help you?" asked Skratch. "It's just the sun on my fur," said Ledger. "You seem to have something stuck in there," said Skratch. "Oh I can see why you're uncomfortable. You have a pencil case down your front." "I always keep a spare pencil case there," faltered Ledger. "Just drop it in my bag and I'll help you carry it to your office," purred Skratch. "I wouldn't impose," said Ledger. "I rather insist," smiled Skratch.

1. The Wabbit and the Matter of Pencils

The Wabbit was determined to solve the problem of the spy at the Department of Wabbit Affairs and arranged to accidentally bump into the rabbit from Accounts on the steps. The rabbit's pencil set was obvious, so the Wabbit pulled a big red marker pen from his fur. "I say, Ledger!" shouted the Wabbit, "you appear to have dropped one of your pencils." Ledger turned cautiously. "Sir?" The Wabbit's ears inclined slightly towards Ledger. "That's not one of mine, Sir." Ledger's voice trembled slightly and he patted his pencil set. "These are my special audit pencils and I always have them with me." "Don't you have a laptop, Ledger?" asked the Wabbit smiling, "I can requisition you one if you like." "They're my back up, Sir," said Ledger and he turned to go. "One more thing, Ledger!" barked the Wabbit. "Yes Sir," replied Ledger meekly. "Can you calculate the damage to Turin City Council property from our last adventure - and make reimbursement?" "Shall I raise a cheque from the Dinosaur Fund?" said Ledger, before he could think. The Wabbit stared very hard indeed. "Of course not!" he said, "the Via dell'Arsenale Sports and Social Club as usual. On my desk by teatime." "There's no space on your desk, Sir," said Ledger. "There's room behind my filing cabinet," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit's Post Adventure Caffè

"Here comes Skratch!" said Lapinette. "I’m going to get in first," said the Wabbit. Skratch loomed into view, sporting a new T-shirt sent specially from Germany. "What was that for a sort of adventure?" asked the Wabbit. "Oh," said Skratch, "I really hadn’t thought about it." "You’re disappointing us Skratch," said Lapinette. Skratch smiled and inclined his head. "I thought the Wabbit avoided leading his audience into a position of dominant specularity." "I know what that means!" shouted Wabsworth, but everyone pretended not to hear. "I’m more concerned about this spy in the Department," said Lapinette. The Wabbit reflected. "Do you recall I said to tell anyone you liked about the golden wabbits?" Lapinette nodded. "Well, who do you like?" It was Lapinette’s turn to reflect. "I like that rabbit in Accounts," she said. "He always carries an enormous set of colour pencils." Skratch tapped the Wabbit on the shoulder and the Wabbit drew a little closer. "This colour pencil thing is a trick," Skratch said softly. "It’s a way of passing information undetected." The Wabbit thought long and hard. "Let’s keep this among ourselves," he said, "while we keep an eye on our friend, the bookkeeper." "Wabsworth!" said Lapinette suddenly. "If you were a colour what would it be?" "Transparent?" smiled Wabsworth. 

10. The Wabbit faces the Music

The Wabbit and Wabsworth caught up with Duetta the Red Spider and Lapinette at the rear of the Old Abandoned Hospital. "Glad you're OK, Commander," said Duetta. "Never a bother," said the Wabbit. "Don't you never a bother me," said Lapinette. "You could have told us what was going on." "It was strictly hush hush," said the Wabbit. Lapinette fumed. "I have the highest of clearances," she said. "Exactly," said the Wabbit. "We set up a smokescreen to lure the Agents." "A smokescreen!" said Duetta. "Most admirable." The Wabbit grinned. "The whole thing had to look like it was just me." "It was just you!" shouted Lapinette. "Me too!" said Wabsworth, immediately wishing he had kept quiet. "Were you by any chance testing us?" enquired Duetta. "Only in passing," said the Wabbit. An uncomfortable silence fell. Then Duetta tapped a leg. "What shall we do with the prisoners?" "Let them go," said the Wabbit, "and tell them to tell all their friends that we know." "Know what?" asked Lapinette. "I don't know," said the Wabbit. "But they won't know that we don't know." "Know what!" repeated Lapinette. "They have someone inside the Department," said the Wabbit.

9. The Wabbit and the Big Plunge

The Wabbit suddenly twisted the steering wheel and the jeep smashed through the Hopway railings. Everything went quiet as they sailed through the air. "Is this wise Commander?" asked Wabsworth. "Wabbits gotta have fun!" shouted the Wabbit. His ears twitched as he heard snaser fire. "Brace yourself!" he yelled. Wabsworth grabbed the dashboard. All of his 28 teeth chattered as the jeep landed with a suspension sapping smash and swerved across the breadth of the road. "This is a fine vehicle," stuttered Wabsworth. "Quite old fashioned," smiled the Wabbit. "I suppose you want one." "I'd like some proper upholstery," said Wabsworth, rubbing his fur. The Wabbit chortled. "How are our reinforcements?" he asked. "Making short work of the enemy," said Wabsworth. "We'll never hear the end of it," murmured the Wabbit, "so let's pretend it wasn't really us." "I don't think that will work," said Wabsworth. "Of course it won't work," replied the Wabbit, "but we can wind them up trying." "Yes, we'll let it drop casually," nodded Wabsworth. "OK, let's practice," said the Wabbit, adopting a conversational tone. "I was just displaying my golden wabbits, when a funny thing happened." "How will we explain the damage?" asked Wabsworth. "It was like that when we got here," grinned the Wabbit.

8. The Wabbit & the Hopway Skirmish

As Duetta sped towards the Hopway, she could make out the Wabbit’s jeep and hear the sound of explosives. Agents of Rabit were swarming up fences and trying to halt the jeep, while others rained down explosives from the bridge. "I didn’t expect an Agents' flying column," said the Wabbit, "and that was my fault." He fired a few rounds at an Agent and watched him drop to the road. "Nobody’s perfect," said Wabsworth as he dispensed with another Agent. A bundle of dynamite came his way and he scooped it from the air and threw it back. A satisfying boom from below made his ears stiffen pleasantly. "Take that for your trouble," he smiled, then hearing the distinctive note of a biplane engine, he looked up.  "I think we have reinforcements," he cheered, digging the Wabbit sharply in the ribs. "Is that Lapinette?" sighed the Wabbit, "because there’ll be hell to pay." "Yes, and Duetta the Red Spider," yelled Wabsworth. Now the Wabbit smiled and he sprayed the Hopway with bullets. "Excellent," he chortled. "They can fight about who rescued us." Wabsworth pushed a foe away from the fence, oblivious to the frantic squeals as the Agent pitched to his doom. "Do we need rescuing?" he asked. The Wabbit’s Makarov spat fire at another Agent. "Not really," shrugged the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit and the Big Surprise

At Wabsworth’s command, the Wabbit’s élite guard stepped from the rows of golden wabbits and met advancing Agents of Rabit with a hail of snaser fire. At the same time, Duetta and the Red Spiders dropped from the shed roof - and seizing any Agents they could, disappeared into the sky. But there were many Agents and the more the Spiders seized, the more appeared. The battle raged for what seemed like hours, even though it was only a matter of minutes. Gradually, the Wabbit’s Guard gained control and mopped up remaining Agents. "Where’s  Commander Wabbit and Lieutenant Commander Wabsworth?" shouted the Field Commander. "They were supposed to be here!" As the sound of confrontation quietened, the guard became aware of another battle not too far away. "They need help!" yelled the Field Commander. He waved a paw towards the noise and ordered six troops to the Hopway. Way up above, Marshall Duetta Spyder paused as she heard ricochets of automatic gunfire and let an unfortunate Agent of Rabit drop to the concrete below. Then she wheeled and flew towards the Hopway with enormous speed. In the distance, the Wabbit and Wabsworth were engaged in a skirmish of their own and Duetta figured that things weren't going at all well. "Hang on Commander," she breathed. "Just hang onto your fur ..."

6. The Wabbit and the Surfeit of Foes

The sun began to set on the golden wabbits and all was quiet – or so it appeared. "I saw a Skuttle," said Wabsworth. "But only one," said the Wabbit, "and I also saw one of the Euls." "Curses on their  pointy ears," grimaced Wabsworth. "Did you spot an Ice Mouse?" asked the Wabbit. "I did," said Wabsworth. "It seemed hardly worth a mention." "They’re a spent force," said the Wabbit. "Look Wabsworth, all this is just noise, mere static." They watched the sun paint the girders orange. "I saw a golden wabbit move," said Wabsworth. "A trick of the light," said the Wabbit. "I’m an android," said Wabsworth, "and the light can’t trick me." "If you stare at anything long enough it seems to move," smiled the Wabbit. "My advanced circuitry takes care of all that stuff," said Wabsworth, "and I insist that something moved." The Wabbit tried to look sceptical. "Look at these two golden wabbits at the front," said Wabsworth. "They glanced at each other." Wabsworth stopped talking and stared at the Wabbit. His positronic brain raced and then he too smiled. "Yes," he said, "I understand." They both nodded in mutual satisfaction. But suddenly a dark shadow fell across the golden wabbits and Wabsworth stiffened. "Shall I be the one?" he murmured. "You do it," said the Wabbit calmly. Wabsworth threw back his head and with his loudest voice he yelled "Go! Go! Go!"

5. The Wabbit and the Big Wait

With all the golden wabbits displayed in the Big Shed, the Wabbit and Wabsworth, his android double, retired to a vantage point behind their one of their jeeps. They didn’t have long to wait before they heard sounds. Wabsworth nudged the Wabbit and the Wabbit looked up. Hordes of Red Spiders were descending on the shed. The Wabbit fidgeted. "Do we make a move, Commander?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit shook his head. "Don’t disappoint me, Marshall Duetta Spyder," he murmured to himself as he watched the flight of the Spiders. He figured he could make out Marshall Duetta herself  - she was far to the rear of the structure and for an instant he thought she made a squiggly wave. The Spiders settled on the roof and became very still. Even so, there were in such number that the covering groaned under the strain. "What are they doing, Commander?" said Wabsworth." "Waiting," said the Wabbit. "Just like us!" said Wabsworth. "It’s all the rage," said the Wabbit. Now Wabsworth was getting fidgety too. "Who are you really expecting?" "I don’t know for certain," said the Wabbit. "I only have the vaguest of clues." Wabsworth patted his automatic, then looked up. "Have you told me quite everything?" he sighed. "Now where’s the fun in that?" grinned the Wabbit. 

4. The Wabbit & the Bullet Proof Coat

It took until lunchtime for Wabsworth and the Wabbit to ferry all the golden wabbits to a carefully selected destination. "These are the last," said Wabsworth with relief. "Now we just have to move them across the hopway to the Big Open Shed," said the Wabbit. "We’ll be finished by evening." "And then?" asked Wabsworth - although being an exact copy of the Wabbit, he already knew. "We wait," said the Wabbit and he pushed his Makarov into his fur. "I do like that coat," said Wabsworth. "Is that a special issue?" "It’s bullet proof," said the Wabbit. "Could you requisition one for me?" Wabsworth hummed with excitement. "You’re an android and have no need of one," smiled the Wabbit, "and besides, they’re a little hot!" "Just the logos perhaps?" said Wabsworth. "Radio it in," said the Wabbit. "Code 007392, Dinosaur Fund." "Right away Commander." grinned Wabsworth. The Wabbit shifted uneasily and glanced from right to left. "See any trouble?" asked Wabsworth. "Not yet," said the Wabbit and he dug out his automatic and looked at it. He switched the safety catch and switched it back, then back again. A silence fell, only to be broken by a crackle from the radio. "Logos on the way, Commander. " Wabsworth smiled. He looked over at the Wabbit, then into the distance. "Will they go for it?" "Oh yes," muttered the Wabbit. "They most certainly will." He shook his head. "But which particular they?"

3. The Wabbit and the Dinosaur Fund

Lapinette called the Wabbit to the Department of Wabbit Affairs on a matter of urgency. "Wabbit, what on earth are these?" "Oh that must be my gold," said the Wabbit feigning surprise. "Unut’s gold?" asked Lapinette, sighing a long sigh. "I was expecting gold bars but this will do nicely," said the Wabbit. "Hmmm," said Lapinette. "Wabbit you’re up to something - I know you." The Wabbit smiled reassuringly. "I just felt we could use an increase in funds." "But where are we going to put them?" asked Lapinette. "In the Dinosaur Fund?" suggested the Wabbit. Lapinette knew that the Dinosaur Fund was for old fashioned and frankly unorthodox missions. "I don’t mean the account," she said, "I meant the location. We have no room for hundreds of golden wabbits." "Oh really?" said the Wabbit pretending to be disappointed. "I’m sure I can find a place for them." Lapinette screwed up her eyes and looked at the Wabbit and the Wabbit tried not to flinch. "I’ll get the gang onto it, they know lots of places." "Don’t you want to keep it a secret?" asked  Lapinette. "No need," said the Wabbit. "Tell anyone you like." Now Lapinette was really suspicious. "Are they made of chocolate?" she ventured. "Heavens no, they’re pure gold," laughed the Wabbit. "You need security," said Lapinette. "Too much trouble," said the Wabbit. "There might be a gold rush," said Lapinette," and I’m not rescuing you." What?" said the Wabbit, "and miss a golden opportunity?"

2. The Wabbit & the Advisory Relation

It took the Wabbit all day to find his android double, Wabsworth. He finally caught up with him at the Porta Palazzo market, where he was looking for an unobtainable vinyl LP. "Wabsworth!" called the Wabbit. "I was hoping to meet you!" Wabsworth was startled. "Do you want your coat back?" he asked solemnly. "A borrowed coat can’t keep me warm." The Wabbit had completely forgotten about his coat. "Keep the coat, Wabsworth. It suits you." "Oh thank you," said Wabsworth looking relieved. "How can I help you?" "You are an exact copy of me," said the Wabbit, "so I want us to liaise on an urgent matter." "I’m not completely the same as you," said Wabsworth. "I have different experiences now." "All to the good," said the Wabbit and he explained about Unut the Rabbit Goddess and her offer to help achieve rabbit emancipation. "Mmm," said Wabsworth, "the horns of a dilemma." "You sound like me," sighed the Wabbit. "I can’t help it," said Wabsworth.  "Now what about the land, the gold and the weapons?" "That’s why I want you to advise me," said the Wabbit. "Well," said Wabsworth, "if you had to choose one, which would it be?" The Wabbit’s eyes lit up. "Yes," he exclaimed. "Always remember the golden rule!" Wabsworth knew what the Wabbit was going to say, so he said it for him. "He who has the gold makes the rules," he chortled.

1. The Wabbit and the Matter of Advice

The Wabbit thrust his paws far into his coat and hunched into a school doorway. The night air had become chilly and the Wabbit wished for summer, but the more he wished, the sharper the cold became. "Brrr," thought the Wabbit. He was reminded of his school days, when his only responsibility was to learn stuff from books and repeat it to the satisfaction of his stern masters.  The Wabbit and school had never easily coexisted. He would periodically absent himself and hide in the local library to read about existentialism. In consequence, the Wabbit was apt to think far too hard for far too long. "What am I going to do about Unut’s offer?" he thought. “And what about my alliance with Duetta and the Red Spiders?" The Wabbit thought hard for a while. "I need to take advice," he thought. The Wabbit didn't like asking for advice and liked taking it even less. But suddenly the Wabbit smiled. "I’ll call a Council of War," he thought. "Everyone will contribute. I will throw in my own ideas and get them back. Everyone will think they’re giving me advice." Then the Wabbit realised he had no ideas. He had reached an impasse. "I don’t need a Council of War," grinned the Wabbit. "I need a collaborator ..." and he grinned with his 28 teeth and hopped back into the shadows.

The Wabbit after the Adventure

Tucked away in a seaside caffe the Wabbit hoped he could be incognito. "This is nice and quiet," said the Wabbit, "and no Skratch to ask me what kind of adventure that was!" Out the corner of her eye, Lapinette watched Skratch hove into sight, but smiled to herself and said nothing. Suddenly the Wabbit's ears flapped as if driven by a high wind. "Wabbit!" called a familiar voice. "What was that for a kind of adventure?" The Wabbit pretended not to hear but Skratch persisted. "I thought it was a splendidly crafted pastiche of John Carpenter’s 'Dark Star'" he purred. "An exercise in counter aesthetics!" "At least we didn’t explode in a supernova," sighed the Wabbit who wished he had never enrolled Skratch in that film class. "What a beautiful way to go," drawled Skratch. The Wabbit looked at Lapinette and the Wabbit looked back. "In case nobody can hear you laugh?" smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit was not to be outdone. "I went for the science and I stayed for the explosion," he said with a deadpan expression that startled even Skratch. Lapinette laughed. "Take Unut up on her offer, Wabbit." Skratch was all ears. "What offer?" he asked. "World domination," said Lapinette. "Oooohh," said Skratch, "Count me in." "It's not finalised," said the Wabbit. "When will that be?" said Skratch. "After lunch," said the Wabbit.

15. The Wabbit and Unut's Offer

The Wabbit and Lapinette emerged from the pyramid in the Egyptian Museum, to be greeted by Unut, Rabbit Goddess. "Welcome home, my brave rabbits!" she cried, "your trip went without incident?" "Except for the talking bomb," said the Wabbit. "A mere frippery for the likes of you, Commander," said Unut. "Now please introduce me to your beautiful consort." "Marchesa Lapinette," said Lapinette, proffering a paw. The Wabbit cringed because it was far from protocol to shake the paw of a Goddess. But Unut bent down and clasped Lapinette's paw with such warmth that the Wabbit glasses misted. Not to be outdone, he proffered his own and after an initial mix up, the three shook paws vigorously. Unut turned directly to the Wabbit. "Commander, I am again indebted." The Wabbit was cautious, because he thought he knew what was coming. "The pyramid craft is yours if you wish," said Unut. The Wabbit looked stunned and spoke softly. "I rather prefer my jeep." "Whatever you require in your fight for emancipation of the rabbits is yours." Unut smiled. "Well, Commander, what do you need - land, gold, weapons?" "Not necessary in that order," quipped the Wabbit, although it was clear to Lapinette that he hadn’t actually refused. "You only have to ask," said Unut. "The planet will be a safer place in the paws of the rabbits." "I’ll settle for a coffee," said the Wabbit. And the Dark Basement of the Goddesses echoed loudly as they laughed and laughed.

14. The Wabbits seize the Pyramid

The Wabbit kicked the control room door, but it slid open. Music started and they heard Tock the Talking Bomb singing, "Sex bomb, Sex bomb." "We need to be quick," shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit jumped into the pilot’s seat but he and Lapinette looked out on a completely different location from before. Susan the Biplane seemed to have followed them and she buzzed up and down, to attract their attention. A radio on the console crackled.  "I thought you’d never get there. Commander," said Susan. "Good to see you, Susan," said the Wabbit. "Have you seen any escape pods?" "No Sir, but can you do something about the music?" "Please repeat," said the Wabbit, "I can’t hear you for the music." "A song has taken over every station in the city," said Susan. "Sex bomb, Susan," said the Wabbit. "Thank you, Sir," said Susan. "This bomb’s made for lovin’," sang Tock and the music became shrill. "I can take no more," said Lapinette and she hit the lower button. The song faded and there was a deflating sound. Lapinette and the Wabbit grinned. "What about the other button?" asked the Wabbit. "You’re the button expert," said Lapinette. The Wabbit struck the top button a mighty blow. The sound started with a squeal, then a grinding that became a groaning. Gradually, inexorably, the pyramid lifted from the ground and swivelled round. "I can see the Egyptian museum," said the Wabbit. "She’s going home," said Lapinette.

13.The Wabbit and the Search for Control

The Wabbit and Lapinette searched for the control room so that they could move the Pyramid. But the more they searched, the more elusive the control room seemed to be. As they negotiated the complex interior of the structure, the Wabbit speculated. "I don’t know how long Tock will sleep, but I imagine he might decide to detonate soon." "How can we stop him?" said Lapinette. "The way to stop him," stated the Wabbit, "is likely in the control room too." "You’ve been here before," said Lapinette. "Just the once," replied the Wabbit. "I recollect it’s towards the base of the Pyramid." As they reached the bottom of the stairway a metallic voice boomed. "That’s the Alien," said the Wabbit. "It’s just a recording," said Lapinette. "Please go to the control room. All personnel to the control room," said the voice. "I don’t see any personnel," said Lapinette. "Maybe it means us?" said the Wabbit. "We don’t say personnel any more," frowned Lapinette. "We say rabbit resources." The Wabbit smiled. "I think the door is over there to our right." They both hopped forward. "All personnel to control room," called the voice. "All others to escape pods." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and the Wabbit looked back. "That’s the door!" yelled the Wabbit, "and it's sealed." "So how's your kicking foot?" said Lapinette.

12.The Wabbit and the Five Minutes

Suddenly the floor fell away. The Wabbit and Lapinette found themselves looking down on Tock, the Blue Guardian of the Pyramid, who had promised to delay his detonation for five minutes. The Wabbit spoke first. "Tock, what is your purpose?" "To defend the Pyramid," said Tock. "On what basis do you perceive a threat to the pyramid?" "The basis of my sensor inputs," said Tock. "Did you ever consider you're making decisions based on false data?" said the Wabbit. "Proceed," said Tock. Lapinette was suddenly inspired. "What kind of bomb are you?" she asked. Tock thought for a while and then sang. "Sex bomb, sex bomb. Baby you can turn me on!" His eyes rolled round and round and his feet scrabbled. Lapinette shook her head. "Your data is badly corrupted." Tock did a little dance and sang again. "I can give it to you any time because you're mine. Ouch, sex bomb, baby!" The Wabbit sighed. "You can only detonate once," he said firmly. "That’s true," said Tock. "It will be the end of you," said the Wabbit. "I will cease to exist," said Tock. "You will cease to exist on the basis of false data," said Lapinette. Tock’s eyes sharpened. "I have no proof that I’m a sex bomb,"  he said solemnly. Lapinette and the Wabbit shook their heads. "But I have no proof that I’m not," said Tock, "so I must consider this further." Silence fell and the Wabbit and Lapinette realised Tock was asleep. The Wabbit’s five minutes had passed with no explosion. "Phew!" said the Wabbit.

11. The Wabbit and the Blue Guardian

Inside the pyramid, the Wabbit and Lapinette found themselves in a very strange room indeed. Stranger still, it had a clearly labelled exit. The Wabbit screwed up his eyes. "What do all these equations mean, Lapinette?" "Gibberish I thought," said Lapinette, "but they seem to be about light." "Let there be light!" said a voice. Lapinette pointed her automatic at a creature emerging from the doorway. "We come in peace." said the Wabbit, pointing his own automatic. "I don’t," said the Blue Creature. "OK, neither do we," said Lapinette. "Now who are you and why do you keep moving our pyramid?" "My name is Tock. Ownership of the pyramid is a matter of debate and not for the likes of me." "What is for you?" asked the Wabbit. "I have my prescribed function," said Tock. "Elaborate!" shouted Lapinette. The creature bounced up and down, then scrabbled its feet on the floor. "Detonation," said Tock. "Why would you detonate?" asked the Wabbit. "Perceived threat to the pyramid," said Tock. The Wabbit looked confused and Tock scrabbled again. "I am the guardian of the pyramid, appointed by my creators on Exogal 3." "That’s silly," said Lapinette. "We’re not a threat to the pyramid." "Do persuade me," said Tock. Instantly a ticking sound filled the room and Tock’s feet scrabbled. "Oh, I’d love to chat," smiled the Wabbit. "Detonation in 5 minutes," said Tock.

10. The Wabbit & Lapinette on the Ledge

Susan the Biplane caught up with the pyramid and dropped the Wabbit and Lapinette onto a ledge half way up. As they landed, the pyramid shimmered and emitted small bursts of light. The Wabbit struggled to get a paw hold on the smooth surface. "I can’t quite see how to get in," he groaned. "You managed before," said Lapinette, tartly. "That access point is no longer visible," said the Wabbit and he clicked his teeth. "How do you normally get into a pyramid?" queried Lapinette. The Wabbit leant back and began, "Well ... " he commenced. Lapinette thought better of continuing and avoided one of the Wabbit’s lectures. "All right, it’s meant to be difficult," she acknowledged. "Can you fold a napkin into a pyramid?" asked the Wabbit. "Of course I can," said Lapinette. "Would it have a door?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette shook her head. "Maybe that’s the answer," said the Wabbit and he glanced at Lapinette’s automatic. "Are you expecting trouble?" "Expect trouble and expect it early," said Lapinette. "Maybe you could fire a bullet at the door," said the Wabbit. "Just show me the door!" said Lapinette. "Maybe you could fold us one," sighed the Wabbit. But just at that very moment he heard an ominous creaking and felt the ledge widen. He looked down to see a gap appear. Slowly but steadily the Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette slid down and into the structure.

9. The Wabbit and the Elusive Pyramid

Day turned to dusk and the Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette were still looking for the pyramid. Susan the Biplane flew across the city, then swooped along the railway line to Lingotto.  The Wabbit leaned across and nudged Lapinette. "Do you know? I think I saw it for a second." Lapinette strained to hear him above the wind. "So did I!" she yelled, "but it seems to have moved." "Where? " asked the Wabbit. "Well, it was in front of us," shouted Lapinette, "but now it seems to be behind us." "As if it had a mind of its own," said the Wabbit for the second time that month. "Some say the pyramid has great healing power," he murmured. "That's tosh, Sir" said Susan the Biplane, "unless pyramids hand out medicine at the pharmacy." She banked and started to turn. "Look! It’s over there!" said Lapinette. But the Wabbit knew the city well. "It can’t be," he said, "because that spot is occupied by another structure." The Wabbit thought long and hard. "A water tower for the railway," he said, "but can two buildings be in the same place at once?" "It’s mathematically possible," said Lapinette. "But unlikely Marchesa, Ma’am," said Susan. "Oh let’s drop  the formality," said Lapinette, "you can call me ..." "Sir!"  interrupted the Wabbit.  "Head for the Pyramid, Susan and we’ll teach it sums."

8. The Wabbit and the Big Pointy Thing

"This isn’t the pyramid," said the Wabbit. "It’s the only big pointy thing I know round here," said Lapinette. "Worth a look," replied the Wabbit shaking his head. "Lapinette, that pyramid could be anywhere." "Perhaps it’s still in space," suggested Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded. "We could take Quantum and sweep the Quadrant." "Why don’t we?" said Lapinette, "it could be fun." "It’s just that I think it’s near here," said the Wabbit. Lapinette waited for an explanation. "The Alien and the asteroid were here," stated the Wabbit. "Check," said Lapinette. "And the pyramid was on the asteroid." "Check," said Lapinette. "But when the Alien left, I didn’t see the pyramid." Lapinette thought back. "You’re right. It looks like he left the pyramid here." "Where would you put a pyramid?" mused the Wabbit. "Anywhere," said Lapinette. "People don’t see things that are right in front of them." "But why would he leave it here?" Lapinette thought for a moment. "Because he’s coming back for it?" she breathed. "Or his employers." The Wabbit's face wrinkled. "We have to find it before them," said Lapinette. "And get it to Unut the Rabbit Goddess, she knows all about pyramids," said the Wabbit. "So do I," said Lapinette. The Wabbit turned. "There are quantum theories about pyramids," said Lapinette brightly. The Wabbit looked sceptical but Lapinette grinned. "We just have to find it, then turn it on." "With a switch?" asked the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit & Unut's Instruction

The Wabbit drove straight to Pluto Park to think. "What did I forget?" he thought. He slouched with his paws in his fur, considering the matter, when something made him jump. "Nice suit, Commander. Very racy." The Wabbit looked up to see the imposing figure of Unut, Rabbit Goddess - and knew to cancel everything in his diary. "You’re out and about, Your Goddessship," said the Wabbit tentatively. "Please try to call me Unut." said Unut and paused. "We ancients were watching your last adventure." "Oh yes?" said the Wabbit. "And it appears that you came across something we want." "Oh yes?" said the Wabbit. "And it also appears that you left it behind," "Ah yes!" said the Wabbit positively. The Wabbit knew he should know, and he racked his brains and fought for time. "It's big and pointy," he said. "Yes," said Unut, "unlike your egg timer over there." Unut gestured to the cooling tower and the Wabbit shook his head sadly. "The Alien’s structure is a pyramid ship and we would like it," said Unut. "You’d like it back?" said the Wabbit. "Did I say that?" snorted Unut. "It’s not ours, we’d just like it. It’s a portable place of power." "Of course, Unut," said the Wabbit, brightening. "Consider it done!" "There’s one more thing" said Unut. The Wabbit tried to look chirpy. "Tell your young consort she can come out now." Lapinette quickly ducked behind the jeep. "Too late!" sighed the Wabbit. 

6. The Wabbits and the Forgotten Thing

The friends assembled in the Film Museum at the invitation of Skratch the Cat. "How did you get these drinks?" asked Skratch. "This is a film set, not a caffè." "Oh is it not?" smiled the Wabbit, "because we just sat down and someone served us." "I’ll  join you then," purred Skratch. He ordered a Moo Joose and posed. "I can’t wait to ask you all what sort of adventure you thought that was!" "One of those adventures that never quite finishes," murmured Wabsworth from another table, where he was examining film programmes. "Why are you wearing your Rocket Suit, Wabbit?" asked Skratch. "I always wear it here," said the Wabbit. "Visitors think I’m part of an installation and I overhear lots of things." Wabsworth pricked up his ears. "Like what?" queried Skratch. "I overheard that there’s going to be a remake of the Land that Time Forgot." "I’d forgotten that one," said Skratch. "That’s it!" yelled Wabsworth. "What’s it?" asked Lapinette. "The last adventure," mused Wabsworth. "I’ve had this feeling we forgot something." "Why didn’t you say?" asked the Wabbit. "I quite forgot," said Wabsworth. "Start remembering," advised the Wabbit. Wabsworth stared steadily at a film programme. "It's something big," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit sighed. "... and pointy," added Wabsworth. "That narrows it down," said the Wabbit. 

5. The Wabbit and the Alien's Journey

In the viewing theatre, the friends watched the progress of the Alien Pilot by remote. "There he goes," said Lapinette. "How did you manage to track him?" "I left a drone in space," said the Wabbit. "I suppose you kept it in your fur," smiled Lapinette. "Of course not," said the Wabbit, "it would be too prickly." They could just make out the Alien Pilot in his pod and Skratch thrashed his tail. "I got to quite like him," he said. "I hope he doesn’t crash." "I’m sure the Pilot will find his way to the Planet OGLE," said the Wabbit. "But what about the space currency?" asked Lapinette. "Will he be able to use it?" Pio Pulcinella the Puppet shook his head. "I’m uncertain. It was a prototype space currency. No-one really knows." They all looked at each other. "He might be really rich then," purred Skratch. "It’s all about confidence," said Pio. "So we’ll let the intergalactic banks worry." "Wabbit, what did you do with the 79 trillion euro you borrowed from the Department?" asked Lapinette. "I put it on overnight deposit," said the Wabbit. "Wabbit!" yelled Lapinette. "Oh, it’s back in the vaults," said the Wabbit, "Exactly as it was?" "More or less," said the Wabbit. "Own up!" shouted Lapinette. "I slipped some monopoly money in with it." Lapinette was too far away to kick the Wabbit’s shins. "Why would you do that?" she sighed. "To see what happens!" grinned the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit's Currency Deal

The Alien Pilot made his way to Pluto Park where Pio Pulcinella waited to convert the Wabbit’s 79 trillion euro, quietly borrowed from the treasury vaults at the Department. As usual, Pluto Park was deserted. No-one there ever looked up, so the asteroid went unnoticed. "You look strange," said the Pilot to the waiting figure. "Which planet are you from?" "Napoli," said Pio. "Is it distant?" asked the Pilot. "Light years," said Pio. "Let’s see the colour of your currency," said the Pilot. Pio flipped the units and they span into the Pilot's waiting hand. "These are Squids," said Pio. "The Semi-Quasi Universal Intergalactic Denomination is fully transferable in participating planets from Andromeda to the Sombrero Galaxy." "Not here?" said the Pilot. "No," said Pio, "This is an unbearably provincial planet, not for the likes of us." "Then I must be off," said the Pilot. Pio waved farewell then paused. "Please drop off the asteroid at Planet OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb." Pio smiled. "Here’s another 50 Squid for your trouble." The Pilot stuffed his pockets with Squids and turned to go – but he suddenly turned back. "Perhaps I’ll visit your planet some day." He proffered a hand and Pio clasped it firmly. "The Planet Napoli will welcome you with a warm embrace," said Pio. "Does your planet have  a motto? asked the Pilot. "See Napoli and Die," said Pio, "so I wouldn't delay." "I hate delay," said the Pilot hurrying off. 

3. The Wabbit and the Video Link

Skratch the Cat showed the Alien Pilot into a rather sordid-looking viewing theatre in the Via Nizza, locking the door behind him. "Take a seat, the Wabbit will be with you soon." The screen lit up and loudspeakers hissed. "This is a two-way link, Mr Pilot," said the Wabbit in an echoing voice. "You may speak now." The Pilot stared at the screen. "Where’s my money?" he shouted. For a moment the screen flickered. "You made a deal," yelled the Pilot. "I did point you in my direction," lied the Wabbit, "but where is the valuable asteroid real estate?" "Hidden," said the Pilot. "That won't do," said the Wabbit, "because location is everything." "I want cash," said the Pilot. "Life is short and so is money," laughed Skratch. The Pilot looked at him threateningly. "My asteroid is composed of valuable material and I want compensation." "It must be mined," said the Wabbit. "You need a licence," said Skratch" "I want 79 trillion," said the Pilot. "Did I say net or gross?" asked the Wabbit. "You always say gross, Wabbit," advised Skratch helpfully. "Then take it or leave it!" shouted the Wabbit. "Aaaaagh!" scowled the Pilot and he struck a fist on his seat. The Wabbit smiled sickeningly from the screen. "Listen carefully, Pilot. I will pay, but you have to take it to a designated place for conversion - unless you want euro." "I’d rather die," said the Pilot. "I have a licence for that," said the Wabbit.

2. Skratch and the Alien Outfitter

Skratch found the Alien Pilot in a remote spot, because that was the sort of thing he did well – no one knew exactly how. "Do you like your new suit?" asked Skratch, "it’s the best I could find and worth a king’s ransom!" "I hate kings," said the Pilot. "Well, a president then," said Skratch, "it’s all the same in business." "Now look, cat!" said the Pilot, "I want my money and I want it soon." "Well the Wabbit has it for you, safe and sound," said Skratch, "he knew you’d arrive here." "Then where is he?" groaned the Pilot." "Oh, that’s for me to know and you to consider," purred Skratch, "but he’s quite the wheeler-dealer. He knows a good wheel and the right person to appreciate just how round the wheel is." "What do you get out of this?" asked the Pilot suspiciously. "A small fee, nothing much," purred Skratch. "I do it for love really, a kind of hobby." The Pilot snorted. "I hate hobbies!" "Everyone should have a hobby," said Skratch, "you need to get outside yourself, let out your corsets." The Pilot snarled. "I hate ...”  he shouted. " ... corsets!" finished Skratch. "Let’s be on our way. The Wabbit is waiting." "I wouldn’t like to keep that Wabbit waiting," sneered the Pilot. "He can be tetchy," said Skratch, "so we won’t be late." "We don’t have an actual appointment," sighed the Pilot. "Yes, I’m afraid we do," said Skratch. "I hate appointments," said the Pilot.

1. The Wabbit and the Alien News

The Wabbit gazed enthralled at a map he'd borrowed from Susan the Biplane’s cockpit, but not for long. "Commander, you need a different map," said Wabsworth in excitement. "I already know Turin, Wabsworth," murmured the Wabbit. "I need no map." "You don’t know what’s happening!" said Wabsworth, raising his voice. "There’s an alien!" "Any particular alien?" enquired the Wabbit. Wabsworth was aghast. "Four eyes, eight ears, space suit, scowly look!" Lapinette turned to the Wabbit. "You did say the Alien Pilot might pop up anywhere," she said and kicked him under the table. "Here isn’t anywhere!" yelled Skratch. "Here’s here!" The Wabbit thought very long and very hard. And then he spoke. "Good grief," said the Wabbit. "Of all the towns in all the universe, he had to appear in mine!" "We have to find him and quickly," said Lapinette. "Well, he’s looking for us," said the Wabbit, "or more precisely, his money." Lapinette shook a paw. "How much did you tell him the asteroid was worth?" "79 trillion euro," said the Wabbit. "And the rest!" groaned Skratch. "The Wabbit suddenly grinned. "We could pay him the 79 trillion." Lapinette stared. "Kind of," smirked the Wabbit. Lapinette’s eyes shot in the air. "Then we could send him to our special contact who will convert the currency." The Wabbit shook with mirth. "He already fell for that one," said Skratch. "I’m getting to that," laughed the Wabbit. "You’re sinister," said Lapinette. 

10. Wabsworth and Something Curious

Wabsworth, the Wabbit’s android double, was merely hopping through the porticos to pass the time of day when he heard two things. One was the drone of Susan the Biplane bringing the Wabbit home from space. The other was a strange conversation in which the Wabbit was mentioned. Wabsworth shuffled behind a pillar and listened carefully. "I seek a John Kepler," said the Alien Pliot. "Commander Wabbit says he is interested in buying my asteroid." "You’re not a local," said Copernicus, "so just how did you get here?" "One second I was in slipstream drive," said the Pilot, "and the next I was sitting here with you." There was an awkward silence. "I want my money," said the Pilot. "Well you won't get it from Kepler," said Copernicus, "he’s always completely broke." "That Wabbit!" shouted the Pilot. "I never trust them myself," said Copernicus. "Can I interest you in a drink?" "My only interest is is financial," said the Pilot. "I can’t help you there," said Copernicus, "but might I enquire exactly what is an asteroid?" "Usually, it’s a body that orbits elliptically around a planet." "Heavens," said Copernicus and lifted his drink. "I know all about that, so here’s to revolutions!" He drained his drink and called for another. "That Wabbit is here," muttered the Pilot, "I can feel it in my conduits." Copernicus shook his head, then pointed. "I’m unfamiliar with Turin, but look! Isn’t that a wabbit over there?" But Wabsworth had gone.  

9. The Wabbit & the Peaceful Blue Planet

Susan the Biplane dropped out of slipstream and the Wabbit looked down. "Africa!" said the Wabbit. "Soon be home, Sir," said Susan, "perhaps there’s a Welcoming Committee." "Carrot aperitivi all round," murmured the Wabbit. Susan banked suddenly but the Wabbit kept his eyes on the blue planet. "It looks so peaceful from up here," he said. The radio crackled noisily. "Commander Wabbit, this is Wabbit Control, over." "Commander Wabbit receiving you loud and clear. Pleased to be back, over." smiled the Wabbit. "Report for a debriefing," said Control, "and leave that meteorite with the Lab." The Wabbit scowled and he pretended to make static sounds. "Control, I didn’t quite ... crick, whoosh, crackle." The Wabbit switched the radio off.  "Atmospherics, what can you do?" "Did you want to keep the meteorite, Sir?" "Yes, it might come in handy," said the Wabbit. "What for, Sir?" said Susan. "I haven’t the faintest idea," said the Wabbit, yawning. "We’ll be a while, Sir," stated Susan, "would you like a nap?" "Yes I am feeling sleepy," said the Wabbit and he snuggled down in the cockpit. "Where would you like to wake up, Sir?" said Susan. The Wabbit’s voice was quiet. "On a beach," he murmured. “And who would you like beside you?" Susan could hardly hear his reply but she thought she heard him say, "Lovely Lapincroft." The Wabbit was fast asleep.