The Wabbit hosts the Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit was just about to order when in walked his Special Guest. He raised a paw in salute and Duetta the Red Spider made a squiggly wave. "Duetta, you saved the day!" cried Lapinette. "It was all in the Wabbit's plan," said Duetta. The Wabbit didn't look around, but he knew Skratch the Cat was approaching and he braced himself for the inevitable and silently mouthed the words he knew were coming. "Wabbit!" cried Skratch, "what kind of adventure were we just in?"  The Wabbit was about to say something - but Skratch drew himself up to his full height and kept going. "It fell roughly into a new genre called "natural horror", which is, in itself, a sub genre of eco-horror." "Hah," shouted the Wabbit with glee. "Genre is merely a commercial device to attract the audience." "No, no," said Lapinette. "Genre is a negotiation between the audience and the adventure, so that everyone knows where they are."  Marshall Duetta Spyder laughed. "You're all wrong," she smiled. "It was a satire about the popularity of bad food." "What do you consider good food, Duetta?" asked Lapinette. "The dissolved insides of small insects," said Duetta.

The Wabbit hops on the Moon

The Wabbit fell into a deep sleep and dreamed of Lovely Lapinette.  In the dream, they both found themselves on the moon at the same time and hopped towards each other. But their hops were very tall and they stayed on the same spot. Eventually they touched paws and the Wabbit began to sing. "Giant steps are what you take," he warbled, "hopping on the moon." "I hope my legs don't break," sang Lapinette, "hopping on the moon." The Wabbit hopped high and looked down. "We could hop forever, hopping on the moon," he trilled to Lapinette. In mid-hop Lapinette answered. "We could live together, hopping on, hopping on the moon!" They both hopped for a long time and lit by the earth and the sun, their moon shadows hopped too. "Hopping back from your house. Hopping on the moon," sang the Wabbit. "Hopping back from my house, Hopping on the moon," sang Lapinette. "My paws, they hardly touch the ground - walking on the moon," sang the Wabbit. "My feet don’t hardly make a sound - hopping on the moon," sang Lapinette. The Wabbit launched into the rest of the song. "Some may say, I’m wishing my days away ..." The Wabbit felt a sudden dig in his ribs and awakened from his dream. "Where were you?" said Lapinette. "On the moon," said the Wabbit. "Why am I not surprised?" smiled Lapinette.

11. The Wabbit Mops Up

The Wabbit and Skratch the Cat dived for the ice cream kiosk in the New Talmone Caffè and looked out. With the speed of light, a vast web dropped like a curtain - and as the portico darkened, Marshall Duetta and her Red Spiders descended on their victims like a horde of locusts. Skratch and the Wabbit could only watch as relentlessly, the Spiders snared the Spam. Normally the portico would be busy. But local inhabitants had learned to read the signs and there was absolute silence - except for the clicking and snickering of spidery legs and the odd squeal of a captured Spam. The Wabbit dug Skratch in the ribs, and in return Skratch slapped the Wabbit on the back. "Do you fancy an ice cream?" asked the Wabbit. "Oh I don’t mind if I do," said Skratch. The Wabbit looked down at a vast variety of ice cream. "There’s still some of Wabsworth's old Spam flavour," he observed. Skratch grimaced. "If you don’t mind I’d rather have vanilla." "Plain old vanilla?" said the Wabbit. "Where’s your innovative cuisine?" "I left it in the back of a drawer, where it belongs," said Skratch. "Well, I’m going to have carrot flavour," said the Wabbit. Skratch sighed "You always have carrot flavour." "Why change a winning formula?" grinned the Wabbit.

10. The Wabbit Releases the Specials

"Now!" yelled the Wabbit and Skratch the Cat tilted the tray. Torrents of Spam shot from the sandwiches and leapt on the Gnamskulls. More Spam waved gracefully in the air and wafted around looking for targets. There was nothing the Gnamskulls could do. They were hopelessly addicted to Spam and their intakes filled with meaty advertising. The portico echoed to the sound of grumbling, rumbling and crashing as Gnamskulls listed, swayed then fell helplessly to the sidewalk. Skratch watched with satisfaction. "Wabbit, what if there's Spam Creatures left over?" he asked. "I calculated it carefully," said the Wabbit. Skatch looked dubious about the Wabbit's calculations but the Wabbit grinned. "I have a back up plan." He looked up at the portico roof and Skratch followed the direction of his gaze. Curled in windows, Marshall Duetta Spyder and two of her Red Spider cohorts lay quietly in wait. They showed little anxiety over the melee below and cheerfully waved a squiggly wave. The Wabbit waved back and watched the Gnamskulls and the Spam - and counted. "OK Skratch, the Gnamskulls are down." "Any Spam left over?" said Skratch. The Wabbit made another sign to Marshall Duetta Spyder, then turned to Skratch. "It's not over until the Big Spider spins."

9. The Wabbit and the Slow Food Trap

The Wabbit and Skratch headed to the Talmone Caffè in the porticos, where the space was controllable - and there they set up their stall. It wasn’t long before the Gnamskulls, drawn by the smell of the special sandwich filling, started to arrive. Now the Wabbit knew that the Gnamskulls couldn’t hear him, but in the interests of authenticity he started his pitch. With a wild waving of his paws and circular rubbing of his tummy, he started to bark. "Savour the special filling in the special sandwiches," he cried. "Straight from the oven to your scavenging tubes." Skratch thought he would join in. "Get 'em while they’re warm," he yelled and waved his paws in invitation. "Special promotion!" shouted the Wabbit. "Complimentary sandwiches for your delectation." "One taste and you’ll never want anything else," shouted Skratch. The Gnamskulls approached the Wabbit’s table and sniffed and nodded to each other. Scavenging tubes flicked the air and their food intakes gurgled like struggling fuel pumps. "A lovely treat, a joy to eat," yelled the Wabbit and he winked at Skratch. "They're buying it," he hissed, "Get ready to release the special filling." "Are we covered?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit's eyes flicked imperceptibly upwards and he nodded ...

8. The Wabbit and the Catering Corp

The Wabbit and Skratch the Cat headed out to snare the Gnamskulls, carrying the sandwiches with the dangerous special filling. The Wabbit nudged Skratch gently. "We're working undercover Skratch, so whatever you do don't talk about food." "Oh!" said Skratch. Now all Skratch could think of was food - so he tried to change his thoughts. "Wabbit, he said nonchalantly. "Is it OK to talk about films?" "Excellent!" said the Wabbit, "please proceed." Skratch thought for a while then his eyes lit up. "Have you seen that film, Breakfast at Tiffany's?" "Skratch, you'll give the game away," hissed the Wabbit. "We're just caterers. They never talk about food." "What do they talk about? said Skratch. "Topical things," said the Wabbit. "OK," said Skratch and thought again. "I know," he said finally. "Did you know yoghurt does weird things to your brain?" The Wabbit scowled and tried to think. "We'll have a quiz. What's Turin famous for?" Skratch was quick as a flash. "Chocolate and coffee," he yelled. The Wabbit sighed. "It's cars, Turin is famous for cars." "Then I've got a question," said Skratch. "What's a new car colour?" The Wabbit shrugged and gave up. "Crème brûlée?" he grinned.

7. The Wabbit obtains More Supplies

Hidden in a bar on the river was the Wabbit's secret armoury. There, Wabsworth - the Wabbit's android double - both gathered information and dispensed weaponry to certain agents from the Department of Wabbit Affairs. "We need more sandwiches with the secret filling," said the Wabbit. "I only just gave you some," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit hopped up and down impatiently. "It was a destructive test," he sighed, "there's none left." "Then I shall expect a signed chit stating the exact circumstances of usage," smirked Wabsworth. "Later!" hissed the Wabbit. Wabsworth leaned back and pulled himself up to his full height. "This is a controlled substance from an old adventure," he explained. "I can't keep supplying it. It's dangerous." "That's why we need it." said Skratch. Wabsworth gave him a stare. "What happened anyway?" he asked. "Gnamskulls consumed it with gusto," said Skratch, "and so we need double-strength filling ingredients." Wabsworth took a number of sandwiches from the bar. "Here are some I made earlier," he said. "And do not, I repeat not let them escape into our environment." The Wabbit seized the sandwiches and carefully examined the filling. "They look just the same," he said. "Never mistake appearance for reality," smiled Wabsworth.

6. The Wabbit goes too Far

 "It worked" shouted Skratch. The Gnamskulls chased and devoured every scrap of sandwich filling, then demolished the suitably stale bread. But now they were hooked. They wanted more of the special sandwich filling and crashed around the supermarket in pursuit. "Back to the laboratory!" said the Wabbit. But he was a little late. The Gnamskull leader sniffed the air and detected the smell of sandwich filling on the Wabbit's paws. With a ghastly slavering noise issuing from his scavenging tubes, he headed straight for the Wabbit and Skratch. "Let's make ourselves scarce," yelled Skratch and took off. "In total short supply," replied the Wabbit, loping towards the exit. But the Gnamskull was faster than they had first imagined - and he bore down on them quickly. They could smell the stale breath from his teeth and started to sprint. "This calls for emergency action," thought the Wabbit, so he felt under his fur. As he rummaged and rummaged for any old piece of forgotten sandwich, an ancient hard crust dropped to the ground. And in the few seconds that the Gnamskull stopped, the Wabbit and Skratch were gone. Outside the supermarket, they slowed to a saunter. "A successful venture," said the Wabbit. "And no-one needs to know more," smiled Skratch.

5. The Wabbit and the Gnamskull Test

The Wabbit and Skratch the Cat lifted the test sandwich they had built in the laboratory, hauled it to the nearest supermarket - and there lay in hiding. They had anticipated a bit of a wait and were about to munch a snack of their own, when they heard something. Their ears pricked and now that they really listened, they were able to make out a variety of sounds. There was slurping, pulverising, liquidising and finally a grumbling that could only be absorption. So the Wabbit risked a glance round the baskets and he saw that all manner of product had disappeared from the shelves. Skratch nudged the Wabbit and nodded. "Now's the time!" The Wabbit peered inside the test sandwich - just to make sure the vital ingredient was in place - and he waved it around so that the Gnamskulls could sense it. Then he glanced round the shelves again. "That looks like the leader, Skratch." Skratch lifted his paw and with a snick of a nail he fired a small morsel of sandwich filling into the supermarket aisle. There was a moment's silence, followed by a slurp. Without warning, loud rumbling, growling and gurgling rent the air. The Wabbit was aware of skittering as the Gnamskulls foraged with their tubes in search of more morsels. "Let the Hunger Games begin," grinned Skratch.

4. The Wabbit in the Sandwich Lab

The Wabbit worked frantically and wouldn't calm down. "Just be still and tell us what happened," said Lapinette. "They took my sandwich!" gasped the Wabbit and that was all he would say. "Who?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit gurgled. "I didn't quite catch who it was, Wabbit," said Skratch the Cat. "The Gnamskulls!" said the Wabbit finally. Lapinette shook her head. "I'm sorry Wabbit, that was my fault. It was just a training exercise, there are no Gnamskulls." "Yes, there are, there are!" ranted the Wabbit. "They attacked me at the market and hoovered my sandwich." "The one you had lying in your fur?" said Lapinette with her paws on her hips. The Wabbit nodded. "Wabbit, it was ancient!" sighed Lapinette. "It's the principle of the thing," said the Wabbit. Skratch the Cat nodded gravely. "I agree with the Wabbit. We can't less this pass." "¡No pasarán!" yelled the Wabbit. "No pasarán for Gnamskulls." Skratch joined in. "If we let them abuse our sandwiches, our fur will be next!" Lapinette looked at them both. "Does either one of you have a plan?" she asked. Skratch started to purr loudly. "I do have a plan," he said. "Does it involve gnamming? asked the Wabbit. Skratch nodded and winked at Lapinette. "Now I'm hungry," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Salad Sandwich

The Wabbit fished in his fur for his salad sandwich and finally found it. The lettuce was limp, the carrot was curled and faded. And as for the bread it was hard as a board. But the Wabbit was hungry and his stomach rumbled and he hauled the sandwich out. But he didn't get to take a single bite. Yellow Gnamskulls descended from different directions and the place was awash with foraging tubes. Carrot shavings and lettuce leaves instantly liquidised as they were drawn through the tubes and into the cavernous eye sockets of the Gnamskulls. The Wabbit spluttered. He didn't like being taken by surprise and in his heart of hearts he knew he had plenty of warning. "Leave my sandwich alone, you beasts," he cried. But the Gnamskulls took no notice. He shouted louder and louder, yet the more he shouted, the more they ate until the Wabbit realised they couldn't hear. He found this totally infuriating and shouted more loudly. "I'll grind your bones for glue!" he raged. This had no effect whatsoever and the Gnamskulls continued to eat his sandwich. "I hope it chokes you!" shouted the Wabbit - but he noticed they were suddenly finished. And they all turned to look at him. The Wabbit shrugged and looked back. "Coffee and biscotti?" he asked.

2. The Wabbit & the Market Attraction

The Wabbit wandered through the Porta Palazzo market in a sceptical mood. He hadn't seen any Gnamskulls and he certainly didn't expect to. He mulled the matter over for a while and thought about what the Gnamskulls liked. "If they have a preference for dodgy food, then why would they come to Turin?" he wondered. He hopped between two traders' barrows to the street beyond. It had been a while since the market closed for the day and the Wabbit sniffed the air and twitched his ears. He could hear garbage trucks going about their business, clearing discarded rotten vegetables and other refuse that had suffered in the afternoon sun. "Phew! What a pongy pong poo smell," said the Wabbit and he wrinkled his nose. "All the same," he thought, "Porta Palazzo is very clean today." He looked at the traders' barrows and shook his head. "There's hardly a leaf left over." Despite the smell, the Wabbit rummaged in his fur for the remains of a salad sandwich from lunchtime - and hopped towards the Corso Giulio Cesare. "Nope, I don't think they'll come," he thought.

1. The Wabbit & the Gnamskull Dossier

In a shady viewing theatre on Via Nizza, the Wabbit slipped his information disk into the system and sat back. The theatre was only used at night. But the Wabbit had a special arrangement - so during the day, he could let himself in without a word to a soul. The loudspeakers suddenly barked. "Department of Wabbit Affairs Study Clip, Number 203." "Get to the point," muttered the Wabbit to no-one in particular. "We will now get to the point," said the voice. "This is the only Gnamskull image we have so far. Please study it carefully." "OK, OK," said the Wabbit and he scrutinised the image pixel by pixel. The loudspeakers echoed around the small theatre. "The Gnamskull eats anything. Food and drink in large quantities are drawn through scavenging tubes ..." "In its eyes," muttered the Wabbit. "... in its eyes," said the voice. "I knew all this already," sighed the Wabbit and he began to fidget. The loudspeakers quivered and boomed. "What most don't know is the Gnamskulls' insatiable capacity for dodgy food." "I did so!" muttered the Wabbit. "The Gnamskulls could emerge at any time," said the voice. "Oh yeah!" scoffed the Wabbit. The voice laughed. "Perhaps in this very viewing theatre, Commander." "No-one knows this place," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Next Adventure

"Why so glum, Wabbit?" said Lapinette. "I'm waiting on my mission papers, but nothing has come up," said the Wabbit and he stuffed his paws in his fur, despite the heat. "You could catch up on your paperwork," suggested Lapinette, watching for the horrified look that would appear on the Wabbit's face. "I've asked Ledger the Accountant to have a go at that," said the Wabbit, calmly, "because apparently, I have to delegate." Lapinette smiled and spread her paws. "I was at the unusual, but not entirely unexpected events committee yesterday." "What does everyone talk about?" asked the Wabbit, brightening. "Usually nothing much," said Lapinette, "but yesterday there was a dossier on the Gnamskulls." "Never heard of them," said the Wabbit, dismissively "You should have," said Lapinette. "They'll eat anything, no matter how awful." "Nothing unusual there," said the Wabbit, thinking of a restaurant he had passed in Via Nizza. "Through their eyes!" said Lapinette. "Ooooh!" gasped the Wabbit. "How enticingly stomach churning." "If you're interested, I'll pass you the papers tomorrow," said Lapinette. "I'll run my eye across them," said the Wabbit.

The 400 Rabbits remember Buddy

The Wabbit addressed the special gathering of the 400 Rabbits to remember one of their number who had fallen. "Rabbits! called the Wabbit. "How many are you?" "We are 400!" came the thunderous reply. "Why are we here today?" said the Wabbit. "To remember the first of the 400," cried the Rabbits in unison. The Wabbit hesitated and looked down at all of the 400 Rabbits. Then his head raised to look at the picture on the screen. "400 Rabbits," asked the Wabbit quietly, "What was his name?" "Buddy," answered the Rabbits. "How shall we remember Buddy?" said Lapinette, hopping forward. "Fondly," murmured the 400. "There can't be another like Buddy," said the Wabbit. "It isn't possible." There was a sad sigh from the gathering. "But we are all different," continued the Wabbit, "and we all have our distinct contribution to make. So each and every one of us will pause for a minute's silence to remember him in our own own special way." Absolute silence reigned in the Big Shed as everything fell still and everyone remembered. And there were so many memories that the minute seemed to turn to an hour. The Wabbit ended the silence with a twitch of a paw and raised his voice. "How many are we now?" he shouted. "400!" came the reply.

The Wabbit's After Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette were enjoying a quiet break when both Skratch the Cat and the former Cardinal Lapin arrived at the same time. "Sua Santità," said Skratch. "I offer you congratulations on your recent appointment." "Ah, Skratch," said Lapin, "I've heard all about you. Now tell me. What kind of adventure was that?" Skratch was jubilant and addressed the Wabbit. "It was a tour de force." The Wabbit raised a questioning eye. Skratch winked at Lapinette. "But deeply flawed!" he added. Now the Wabbit beamed with an astonishing beam. "Best thing you ever said! Refreshments all round!" He turned to Lapin. "So what will you have?" "I usually have a small amaro dei frati," smiled Lapin. "Diesus," called the Wabbit and everyone smiled. Then the Wabbit became serious. "My good friend Lapin, will you exercise a preferential option for the excluded?" "And obtain justice for the animals," said Lapinette." "And help the marginalised and defenceless." said Skratch. Lapin smiled. "It looks like I'd better start now. Anything else for the first week?"
[Diesus: a digestive amaro liqueur made by an order of monks (Amaro dei Frati)]

11. The Wabbit gets there in Time

St  Peter's Square was resplendent with loudspeakers and chairs and the Wabbit looked around. "Looks like we got here just in time for you to give your promotion address," he said. Cardinal Lapin grinned. "Just as well," he said, "this wouldn't be a good one to miss." "What happens to Cardinals when they're promoted?" asked the Wabbit, "more pay?" "Lots of paperwork," said the Cardinal, "but luckily I'll have a private secretary." "I'd like a private secretary," said the Wabbit, thinking of his many lists of things to do. "Wabs, perhaps you should delegate more," said Lapin. "Perhaps I should," replied the Wabbit and tried to think of someone do the job. Then he shook his head because he couldn't think of anyone who would take it. Cardinal Lapin took the Wabbit's paw and smiled. "Perhaps I could slip away occasionally and join your merry band on an adventure." "Your very welcome any time," laughed the Wabbit, "but something's been puzzling me." "Go on," said Cardinal Lapin. "Look Cardy," sighed the Wabbit, "when you were kidnapped by the shadows, why didn't you ask the Almighty to rescue you?"  "Oh I did - and he answered," said the Cardinal. The Wabbit stared at him and Lapin squeezed his paw. "He sent you and a Dragon and a Jet Car."

10. The Wabbit and the Flying Taxis

Suddenly there was swooping. In an instant, both the Wabbit and Cardinal Lapin found themselves plucked from the falling rope and borne high over the prison. Cardinal Lapin's ears fluttered in the wind and he clutched Terni the Dragon's leafy wings. "Didn't I see you somewhere?" he shouted. "Not me," said Terni, "I was just passing." "I've never met an actual dragon before," yelled the Cardinal. "Oh, how splendid," said Terni with relief. "Shall I take you home?" "What time is it?" asked Lapin. "It's usually later than we think," said Terni. "Well, I have rather important business to attend to," said the Cardinal, "and with all that kidnapping, I quite forgot." "I'll ask the Commander," said Terni. Cardinal Lapin looked across at Turbina the Jet Car. He heard a radio crackle and Terni speak. "Can you get more speed Commander? We have important business." "Right away!" said the Wabbit as Turbina shot past Terni to lead the way. "What about the shadows?" he murmured. Turbina laughed. "'Tis nothing but a magic shadow show, play'd in a box who's candle is the sun." The Wabbit laughed too. "Round which we phantom figures come and go?" He pushed Turbina's thrust lever and a supersonic bang rattled every window in the city.

9. The Wabbit and the Big Plunge

The Wabbit and Cardinal Lapin slid down the rope at speed - but not quickly enough. Sinister shuffling gave way to sinister rushing as two shadows appeared and made for the rope. "They’ve got cleavers!" shouted the Cardinal, "and they’ve got cleaving in mind!" "It’s good stout rope. I got it in a ship chandler's store in Civitavecchia," shouted the Wabbit. But the cleavers were razor sharp and they cut halfway through the Wabbit’s rope. He felt it give slightly, so he stuck his paws on the wall and slid. That slowed them down but still they fell. "How high is the wall?" asked Lapin. "Standard prison issue wall," said the Wabbit. "Too high to look over!" "Where do shadows get cleavers?” muttered the Cardinal but there was no time for speculation. A sickening snick from above severed the rope completely and the Wabbit and Cardinal Lapin plunged helplessly down the sheer face of the prison wall. Cardinal Lapin looked up at the Wabbit as they plunged. "Perhaps I should say a prayer," he said. "Oh, I think I can do better than that," said the Wabbit and he put his paw to his mouth and made a piercing whistle. "What was that for?" said Cardinal Lapin. "Taxi!" yelled the Wabbit. 

8. The Wabbit and the Rabbit Rope Trick

The Wabbit hopped closer and closer and just as Cardinal Lapin was about to reach the recreation area, he grabbed him by the arm and propelled him through a window onto the prison roof. The shadows hovered threateningly, but appeared reticent to advance near the low wall that marked the edge of the building. The Wabbit took Cardinal Lapin firmly by his robes and pulled him to the parapet. "I won’t be a second," he murmured. He delved deep in his fur, pulled out a long rope and attached it to a small chimney. Then he threw the rope across the wall. Cardinal Lapin looked over and watched the rope coil down further and further. He turned and stared at the Wabbit. "Who? Me?" he gaped. "It’s a rope trick," said the Wabbit. "The shadows will watch the Cardinal and the rabbit vanish!" "That trick is usually going up, Wabbit. Not plunging down," said the Cardinal. The Wabbit heard the sinister sound again and snatched a glance over his shoulder. "It’s the rope or the shadows!" he yelled. "We’re losing a head start. Over you go!" "There’s supposed to be a secret wire in this trick," fussed Lapin, looking over the edge again. "I don't see the secret wire!" The Wabbit smiled and shrugged. "Secret wire?" he scoffed. "Do you think I’m a charlatan?" And he shoved Cardinal Lapin over the edge and down the rope.

7. The Wabbit from The Inspectorate

"Cardinal Lapin I presume?" winked the Wabbit and he waved his credentials vigorously. "This is an official Blue Cross prison inspection." Cardinal Lapin knew the Wabbit very well indeed. He had taught him a few tricks in the past, so he knew that a trick was afoot. "Welcome, my son," he said gravely. "Do you wish anything particularly particular?" The Wabbit noticed shadows coming down the stairs and ignored the sinister shuffling noise they made. "Prison food rations?" he asked. "Edible," said Cardinal Lapin. "Reading material? asked the Wabbit. "Tutto Sport only," said the Cardinal. "Air Conditioning," continued the Wabbit. "Leaky," came the reply. "Tut tut," said the Wabbit. He pretended to make a note, then lifted his head. "Medicine?" he snapped. "Crude generics" said Lapin. "Is your mail reaching you?" growled the Wabbit. "Edited," said Lapin. The Wabbit shook his head like a donkey and wrote down "censored." "Recreational access?" asked the Wabbit loudly, smiling. "Not much," said Lapin. "I want to see the area," said the Wabbit. "Then follow me," said Cardinal Lapin and he retraced his steps upstairs. The Wabbit watched the shadows turn and follow him. So he assumed a nonchalant air, whistled Me and my Shadows through his 28 teeth - and hopped after them.

6. The Wabbit & the Prison Inspection

The Wabbit made a lot of noise as he parked Turbina at the prison gates. Then he jumped out and kicked the door. There was silence for a long time so he kicked it again. A bolt drew back and the door swung inwards and a head popped out. "Go away," said the figure. The Wabbit drew an official looking card from his fur and thrust it in the figure's face. "Blue Cross!" he yelled. "Surprise prison inspection under the Geneva Convention!" The figure withdrew and the Wabbit heard murmuring. "It's the Blue Cross," said one voice. "Oh no!" said the other, "I told you this would happen." "Play for time," said another voice. Outside, the Wabbit was humming Jailhouse Rock and stomping his feet impatiently. "I require to inspect sanitary conditions, food rations and recreational facilities," he barked at the door. "At once!" The figure's head popped out again. "It's inconvenient," he said. "Come back tomorrow." The Wabbit struck the door with his paw. "I'll inform the International Secretariat of your refusal, forthwith." "What's your name?" asked the figure. "Commander Hans Blix," said the Wabbit. The head disappeared again. From inside, the Wabbit heard raised voices and an altercation that lasted some time. Finally, the head appeared once more. "You'd better come in, Sir."

5.The Wabbit & the Jailhouse Shadows

The Wabbit had just left Tony's place when his radio crackled. He shielded it from the noise of the traffic and hissed, "Commander Wabbit!" The Wabbit heard a fluttering of dragon wings and a peppery voice spoke. "It's Terni the Dragon, I found Cardinal Lapin." "Where is he Terni?" said the Wabbit calmly. The Wabbit could almost feel Terni's hot breath. "He's in an Old Abandoned Prison." "Are you sure it's him? said the Wabbit. "Red clerical garb, white lace trim, sideways pointy ears," said Terni. "That's Cardinal Lapin all right," said the Wabbit. "Shall I swoop, pluck and extract?" asked Terni. The Wabbit thought for a bit and decided against swooping and plucking. "Terni, can you see shadows in the wrong place?" "I can indeed," said Terni. "They're all around his cell." "Then stay clear for the moment," said the Wabbit. "We'll break him out some other way." Terni looked down and saw that Cardinal Lapin had noticed him. But Terni hadn't always enjoyed the best of relations with Church figures, so he waggled his wings like a small plane and shot into the sky. The Wabbit thought for a minute - and then a song came into his head. He hummed it to himself and shuffled his feet and snapped his paws in a most peculiar way. "Everyone in the whole cell block, is gonna dance to the jailhouse rock!"

4. The Wabbit, Tony and the Shadows

The Wabbit decided on his first port of call. "Start with where you know," muttered the Wabbit, anticipating a first rate coffee. "Commander Wabbit! sad Tony. "On vacation?" The Wabbit shook his head. "Kind of," he grinned. "I'm unofficially searching for an old friend." "Cardinal Lapin?" asked Tony. The Wabbit tried not to look surprised. but the Wabbit knew one thing. He knew that Tony knew almost everything that went on near St Peter's Square. "The last time the Cardinal was here, he showed me several tricks," said Tony with a smile. "I'm afraid he can't be found," said the Wabbit. Tony frowned and bent towards the Wabbit. "There are reports of strange shadows." The Wabbit raised his eyes. "Shadows that shouldn't be there," added Tony. "Shadows in the wrong place?" mused the Wabbit. Tony nodded. "And shadows on dark moonless nights. A customer saw the Cardinal going home one such evening. The street lights went out - and suddenly he was enveloped in shadows." "What happened?" said the Wabbit gravely. Tony looked unusually serious. "When the shadows moved, and the lights came back, the Cardinal had vanished." "But every shadow belongs to some thing, some object," said the Wabbit. "Not these ones," said Tony. "I need a coffee," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Lapin Briefing

The Wabbit had correctly predicted the state of the Tiber tow path. There wasn't a soul around - except for a rabbit secret agent, a jet car and a dragon made of food. No-one noticed the powerful reverse thrust of the Turbina's jet engine and no-one heard the Wabbit as he absent-mindedly tapped a jazz rhythm on Turbina's hood. "Commander please stop," sighed Turbina. "What's under there?" joked the Wabbit and he tapped again. "My salad sandwiches," said Turbina. "I'm hungry," said the Wabbit and paused as his stomach groaned softly. "I know why you're here," said Terni the Dragon. "No-one knows," retorted the Wabbit. "Yes, I heard it on the grapevine," said Terni. The Wabbit tapped out the tune on Turbina's hood and started to sing "and I'm just about to lose my mind!" when a sharp hoot from Turbina echoed down the walls. "Ouch" said the Wabbit and he hopped back shaking his paw. "Static!" laughed Turbina. Terni smiled as only a dragon can and asked "What's the plan?" "We'll split up and look for Cardinal Lapin in places he usually frequents," said the Wabbit. "That's caffès, churches and clerical outfitters." Turbina jumped in first, "I'll cruise the streets and look at the shops!" "And I'll fly across the dreaming spires and piazze," said Terni. "Splendid," said the Wabbit. "That leaves the caffès to me."

2. The Wabbit Jets In

The Wabbit and Turbina the Jet Car flew into Rome at a suitable altitude. "Keep your eyes open for cardinals, Turbina," said the Wabbit. "What do they look like?" asked Turbina, "They're invariably in red," said the Wabbit. "Excellent choice," said Turbina. A short time elapsed while Turbina did things with instrumentation. "Incoming dragon at six o'clock. Commander. Shall I hail it?" The Wabbit's rear sight line wasn't great so he turned and squinted out from the rear window. "That's Terni," he said and he waved. The radio crackled a bit. "He does have a radio?" asked Turbina. "He has one of mine," said the Wabbit. "Then I'll call him with a proper one. "Calling Dragon. This is Turbina the Jet Car. Please identify yourself and state the nature of your business."" "This airspace is under my jurisdiction," said Terni through much static. "I work for Wabbit Command."  Turbina muted the radio and addressed the Wabbit. "You do a lot of unofficial things, Wabbit!" "I call it supernumerary assistance," shrugged the Wabbit. "As might be required from time to time, I suppose?" sighed Turbina. The radio crackled again and Terni the Food Dragon cut in. "Turbina Heavy. You're cleared to land on the River Tiber Towpath. Over." "Copy," said Turbina and she spoke to the Wabbit. "Why there?" "There's never a soul around," said the Wabbit.

1.The Wabbit tries to leave Quietly

The Wabbit dropped in at the Department of Wabbit Affairs to get Turbina the Jet Car. Then he left as quietly as a jet car would allow. "Quietly," murmured the Wabbit as Turbina's thrust lever suddenly roared. "Might I remind you Commander," said a voice, "that I outrank you." The Wabbit smiled to himself. "Sorry Turbina, I meant to request a little less noise." "That's better," said Turbina. "And I was not informed of this trip." "That's because I'm on leave," said the Wabbit. There was a long silence. "You never take leave," said Turbina. The Wabbit turned right and headed up Via Arsenale. "Just a wee break," said the Wabbit, grinning. "I don't believe you," snapped Turbina. The Wabbit paused for a second. "It's a private mission," he confessed. "It's officially unofficial." "Excellent!" said Turbina, "I could use an outing." The Wabbit breathed a long sigh of relief. "Where are we headed?" asked Turbina. "Rome," said the Wabbit. "Fly or drive?" asked Turbina. "We'll drive and listen to some tunes," said the Wabbit, "and then we'll just fly in." "Just as if we're having a vacation, a little change," said Turbina. "You got the drift," said the Wabbit, "a change is as good as a rest."

The Wabbit hears News of a Friend

The Wabbit and Lapinette hopped to a Safe Garden nearby and the Wabbit touched Lapinette's paw. "What up?" he asked with a half smile. "This is on the strict QT," said Lapinette, "It's not official Department business." "The Wabbit nodded but stayed quiet. "It's our friend, Cardinal Lapin," frowned Lapinette. "He's due for a promotion." "Oh," said the Wabbit, "a Chief Cardinal already?" Lapinette made a funny face at the Wabbit and continued. "Threats have been made against him and now he's gone missing." The Wabbit's demeanor changed. He growled the deepest of growls and his paw grasped for some object in his fur. Lapinette's ears twitched as she heard an unmistakable metal click. "I'll hop straight off then," said the Wabbit. "Things to do, cardinals to find." Lapinette sighed. "It's not official, we're not supposed to know." "Never heard a thing," said the Wabbit. "Anyway, I do have leave outstanding." "When do you propose to take it?" asked Lapinette, although she knew the answer. "Immediately immediate," said the Wabbit and he turned to go. "Wabbit!" called Lapinette. The Wabbit turned and looked at Lapinette with the other half of his smile. "Mind your back, Commander," she said in a  low voice. The Wabbit grinned. "I've been minding my back so long, I forgot I had a front."

The Wabbit's After-adventure Caffè

After the adventure they all gathered in a caffè for a quick discussion. "Oh, there you are Skratch, smiled the Wabbit. "I’ll ask The Question." "No need," said Skratch, "It was a Crazy Cool adventure and none the worse for that!" The Wabbit looked relieved. "It belonged in no particular genre then?" asked Wabsworth. Skratch nodded with approval, but Lapinette was impatient to know what to do with the dark energy creature. "Ghost Bunny, do you know of any galaxies short of a few singularities?" she enquired. "Well, this one here," said Ghost Bunny. Lapinette wrinkled her nose. "OK," said Ghost Bunny, mimicking the Wabbit. "Galaxy M85 is sadly lacking." "Just the ticket," said the Wabbit. "I’ll get Quantum the Time Travelling Train on the job right away." "Can I go along for the ride?" asked Snail. "I don’t get to many galaxies." "Bring back pictures," grinned the Wabbit. "Is it far?" said Snail. "Sixty million light years," said Ghost Bunny. "Then let the Train take the strain," nodded Snail. Everyone laughed and broke into conversation - except for Lapinette and the Wabbit. "Wabbit, something urgent has come up," whispered  Lapinette. The Wabbit crinkled his eyes and took her paw. "Let’s go for a hop and you can tell me all about it," he said. So they quietly disengaged from the merry band and hopped round the corner for a chat. 

9. Wabsworth & the Genie in the Bottle

Suddenly the music stopped and everything froze - everything except for Wabsworth and the Dark Energy creature. Wabsworth pulled the bottle from the coat that the Wabbit had given him - and with a quick twist of his paw, he opened the cap. The distinctive smell of amaro was strong enough to fill the tunnel and Wabsworth wondered how the Wabbit had come by the bottle. "Some Gala Dinner that must have been!" he thought, looking at the police label. There was no mistaking the creature's joy. It only had eyes for the bottle and it compressed until it could squeeze through the top. The creature squeezed and squeezed until it was completely inside. And through the glass, Wabsworth could see singularities swirl around until everything was darkly dense. "It's drinking the dregs!" thought Wabsworth and he deftly rescrewed the cap. Wabsworth wasn't sure what would happen, but he reasoned that amaro was digestive and medicinal. "Black holes can only benefit," he thought and he looked round to see Ghost Bunny spooking into her former ghostliness. Lapinette and the Wabbit formally returned heads and Big Blue Snail slid backwards and forwards  on the rails in a kind of break dance. "You don't see that every day," thought Wabsworth.

8. The Wabbit and the Science of Soul

Ghost Bunny haunted into action. The Wabbit had accidentally touched the Dark Energy creature so there was nothing else to do. She became enormous and piercing light shot from her eyes. "Wabsworth! Now!" she shrieked. Wabsworth fired the anti-matter decelerator and everything whirled, shattered and reassembled in a startling scene. The creature became flat and Ghost Bunny began to sing. "Callin' out around the world, are you ready for a brand new wail?" The Wabbit sang back. "Summer's here and the time is right, for dancing on the rails." "Dancin' in the Metro," sang the two Lapinettes. "Slidin' on the rails," sang Snail in the background. Wabsworth couldn't help grinning. "What did you do?" "I'm protecting them with music," wailed Ghost Bunny, "do you have a bottle for the creature?" "Yes, in my fur," said Wabsworth. "When the music stops, everything will change," said Ghost Bunny. "The creature will shrink, and you can trap it in the bottle." Lapinette and the Wabbit swayed sinuously. "All we need is music, sweet music," sang the Wabbit, "there'll be music everywhere." "There'll be swingin' swayin', and records playin'" sang Lapinette, "dancin' on the rails!" Wabsworth rummaged in his fur. "Oh, shall we let them finish?" smiled Ghost Bunny, sweetly.

7. The Wabbit gets Too Close

As the train passed the Dark Energy creature, the gang jumped out and ran back in pursuit. Snail glided along on the rails in a perfectly satisfactory fashion, while Wabsworth took up position on the access hopway and drew a bead on the creature. Right at the front, the Wabbit crept up behind the creature and studied it with interest. It took not the slightest notice of the Wabbit, but its eyes continued to spit out small black holes, which spiralled up in search of food. The Wabbit saw several tools and a few coils of wire disappear into the holes. So he clutched his own toolkit tightly and called out, "What next Ghost Bunny? Shall we use the decelerator?" Wabsworth lifted it and shouted across, "Ready when you are!" "Not yet Wabbits," wailed Ghost Bunny, "we require a clear space." She made herself hauntingly comfortable on Snail’s head and looked around. Lapinette looked too. "We need somewhere to put it," she yelled to the Wabbit. "Like a box or something?" he answered. "It will be enormously dense," moaned Ghost Bunny. "You did say they were stupid," agreed the Wabbit. "What about a bottle?” shouted Wabsworth. "Oh, put the genie in a bottle?" murmured the Wabbit. "I have just the thing." The Wabbit rummaged in his fur for something suitable, but he was getting closer and closer to the creature. "Don’t touch it!" shrieked Ghost Bunny. "Aaaargh!" yelled the Wabbit. 

6.The Wabbit's Anti Matter Decelerator

Ghost Bunny was as good as her word and the Wabbit's android double, Wabsworth appeared bearing a strange device. "What's that weird thing, Wabsworth?" asked the Wabbit. "It's an anti matter decelerator I knocked up in the shed," said Wabsworth. "Now let's get this creature who didn't pay his fare - and blow him to kingdom come." "I like your style Wabsworth," said the Wabbit, nodding his head. "Oh, hurry up Wabsworth, before the doors close, the Metro is automatic," said Lapinette. "Then we 'll spot the creature in the tunnel and hop out." said the Wabbit. "How will we get the train to stop?" asked Snail. In his efforts to squeeze through the door, Snail had temporarily prevented them from closing. "I think I'll leave that to the Wabbit," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned and pulled from his fur a set of tools he had picked up cheaply in a market. "Spanners for throwing in the works," said the Wabbit. "Why don't we just pull the communication cord," commented Snail. "And risk a fine!" said Wabsworth in a shocked voice. Ghost Bunny let out a quavering wail. "All aboard, all aboard the Dark Energy Express." The doors closed with a hiss. With hardly a jerk, the train moved down the platform and into the tunnel.

5. The Wabbit and Singularity Trouble

Big Blue Snail made for the lift while the rest scampered down the metro escalator in pursuit of the Dark Energy Creature. But just before they reached the bottom, the creature suddenly transformed and threw spirals from its baleful eyes. "Ghost Bunny, what’s it doing?" yelled Lovely Lapinette.  "Preparing to feed," wailed Ghost Bunny in a cry that echoed hauntingly from the station walls. The Wabbit’s ears quivered. "With its eyes?" he gasped. "They are not eyes," howled Ghost Bunny. "Think of them as mouths." "They’re singularities!" shouted Lapinette. "Best not to get in its way then," said the Wabbit and he felt in his fur for his automatic. "Wabbit, you can’t shoot a black hole with a gun," hissed Lapinette. "Oh," said the Wabbit in a disappointed tone and he rummaged around for something more appropriate. "Do you have an anti-matter decelerator?" asked Lapinette sarcastically. "It’s in my other coat," quipped the Wabbit. "Wabsworth has your other coat," smiled Lapinette. Ghost Bunny let out a shriek. "Wabbit, I'll summon your android double. That Wabsworth's going to be furious." Lapinette raised her eyes. Ghost Bunny and the Wabbit spoke at one and the same time. "The creature failed to buy a ticket."

4.The Wabbit & the Nature of Dark Energy

Ghost Bunny appeared swiftly in her usual haunting manner and Lapinette wasn't long in arriving. Together they watched the creature make its way into the Metro. "What's all this, Wabbit?" snapped Ghost Bunny. "I was watching television." The Wabbit gestured towards the Dark Energy creature. "Oh, these plonkers!" said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit knew that Ghost Bunny was attached to old British sitcoms and had picked up the language. "It could be dangerous," said Lapinette. "Oh it's very dangerous." Ghost Bunny uttered a haunting wail. "But they're hopelessly stupid." Lapinette sighed. "Oh I hate the stupid ones." "They accelerate the universe," said Ghost Bunny, "but they don't know why." "Neither do we," said the Wabbit, "and it's going to the tunnels." "To feed," said Ghost Bunny, "and it's all your fault." "The Wabbit looked quizzical. "You suggested that the stations on the Metro were edible." The Wabbit looked nonplussed. "You indicated you get on at Pizza and get off at Macaroni." Lapinette buried her head in her paws and Ghost Bunny fluttered around. "They're quite voracious. The universe will become unstable." "How did it get here?" asked Snail. Ghost Bunny shrugged just like the Wabbit "Probably hitched a lift on that asteroid you allowed to hang above the Corso Svizzera. "I got a parking ticket for that," scowled the Wabbit.

3 The Wabbit and the Dark Presence

Big Blue Snail and the Wabbit hurried to the Blue Exit and there in their path was a presence.  A swirling black cloud was making its way slowly but steadily through the temporary entrance to the Porta Nuova Station. The Wabbit held out a paw to stop Snail’s advance and Snail slithered to a halt. "What is that thing, Wabbit?" asked Snail. "Just stand still," said the Wabbit, "Stand very, very still." The presence slowly advanced and moved straight through them as if they weren’t there. "I thought so,” said the Wabbit. "Thought what?" asked Snail. "A Dark Energy Creature," said the Wabbit. "Is that proved?" said Snail, who was a sceptic when it came to theoretical physics. The Wabbit shivered.  "It is now," he said. "Snail, how did you feel?" "I felt nothing at all," said Snail. "It ruffled my fur," said the Wabbit. They watched as the presence moved slowly onwards. "Where is it going?" asked Snail. "Where would you go if you were dark energy?" replied the Wabbit. Snail thought for a minute. "The Metro?" He tried to shrug like the Wabbit, half succeeded and then asked, "Who knows most about dark energy?" "Lapinette," said the Wabbit. Snail considered. "I don't like the look of 'em, we need more help." "Ghost Bunny," said the Wabbit immediately. "Better get on your radio," said Snail. "To call Ghost Bunny," smiled the Wabbit, "I need no radio." And he twitched his special blue glasses in a most special way.

2. The Wabbit and the Mind of Railways

The Wabbit hopped through the Porta Nuova station. He thought of it as a short cut, but this was an illusion. Because of its many interesting features, it was always more of a long cut for the Wabbit. As he was pondering, he found himself hopping beside Big Blue Snail. "Perfect!" thought the Wabbit. Big Blue Snail was the most mindful creature he knew and he hoped it would rub off on him. "Hello Snail, how is your path?" he asked. "I am on it," said Snail. "So am I," thought  the Wabbit, but stayed silent. "This," said Snail, "is the railway station, and so I am both arriving and leaving." "When I pass through," said the Wabbit mindfully, "I am the station." There was no reply and the Wabbit paused. “Speak quick!" said Snail. The Wabbit shrugged and placed his paws over his mouth. "The train arriving at Platform Ten is leaving at Platform  One," he announced in an echoing voice. Snail smiled as passengers darted hither and thither. "Wabbit, there is no train at platform Ten." "Nor at Platform One," said the Wabbit. Snail turned to the Wabbit. "What is the mind of the railway?" The Wabbit  glanced up and his eyes twinkled. "The timetable," he said simply. Snail smiled. "Then what is the timetable for our next adventure?" The Wabbit gestured suddenly for Snail to follow. "I think it’s just started over there, at the Blue Exit ...”

1. The Wabbit and Mindful Mindfulness

The Wabbit was hopping his favourite portico and deep in thought when he was abruptly interrupted. "Ho there, Wabbit!" called Skratch the Cat. Skratch was fresh from his mindfulness class and couldn't help spreading mindfulness around. "Mind your path," he intoned and lowered his head gravely. That action was mostly lost on the Wabbit, because he hadn't looked round. He knew very well that Skratch would catch up quickly and regale him with his latest learning. "I am hopping," said the Wabbit quietly. "Well, when you hop, you must hop," said Skratch, "and when I prowl, I must prowl." The Wabbit had never thought otherwise, but Lapinette had recommended the class, so he bore Skratch's enthusiasm with equanimity. "Where are you going?" asked Skratch.  The Wabbit' eyes twinkled. "It's only my path, and there is no coming or going," he said sagely, just to wind Skratch up. But Skratch nodded so seriously that the Wabbit pounced. "What must we be mindful of?" he asked suddenly. "The present!" said Skratch. The Wabbit grinned and softly enquired, "Where is the present?" Skratch looked hesitant and the Wabbit took his opportunity. "Here it is!" shouted the Wabbit and he hopped on Skratch's foot.

The Wabbit & Commodity Prices

Very, very early in the morning, on the path by the River, the Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette met with the Alien Pilot. It was unfinished business, because the Pilot had said he would pay their price for obtaining the Sharpies - and their metal. The Wabbit wanted to leave the whole thing be. But Lapinette thought that was discourteous. "The Alien Pilot rescued us, make no bones about it," she had said in a special voice and the Wabbit knew better than to argue. Her words rang in his ears when the Pilot spoke. "You did me a favour Wabbit." The Wabbit inclined his head. "I heard about metal commodities in a bar on the Planet Lythion and decided to try my luck." The Wabbit tilted his head even further and narrowed his eyes. "Then call it 50 Quid and we're square," he murmured. "It's too little," said the Pilot, dropping high denomination coins into Lapinette's paw. Lapinette span them in the air and caught them with her other paw. "Pilot," said the Wabbit finally, "you did us a favour, your money's no good here." "Business is business," said the Pilot. The Wabbit paused. "Then call it our investment in your future business," he said. The Pilot raised all of his eyes. "In which we'll take considerable interest," smiled Lapinette innocently.

Quid: Quasi Universal Intergalactic Denomination

The Wabbit & the after Adventure Picnic

They all gathered and drank aperitivi and talked about what a strange adventure it had been. There had been so many enemies and unexpected happenings that they were quite bemused. Still, the Wabbit did think about asking Skratch the Cat what type of adventure it was, but there was little point. Skratch had already said it was like the movie, Rio Bravo. "There were rather a lot of guns in our adventure," said Lapinette. "Yes and they weren't much use, were they?" sighed the Wabbit, "they weigh down my fur a lot and require maintenance." "In future Wabbit, we need to use our wits more than weapons," said Skratch. The Wabbit thought for a bit, sipped his aperitivo and listened to the children. "Skratch," interrupted Lapinette, "what resolved the story in Rio Bravo?" "Explosives," said Skratch, with a matter of fact purr. "Remind me of what happened," said Lapinette brightly and considered another aperitivo. Skratch smiled a very broad smile indeed. "The heroes threw the dynamite at their enemies and set it off with gunfire." "The Wabbit sighed a long sigh. "Then I suppose it just depends," he said. "Depends on what?" asked Lapinette. "What I happen to have in my fur," smiled the Wabbit.

14. The Wabbit and the Big Think

Skratch led everyone back through the Secret Tunnel and it did indeed emerge at the pretty garden that the Wabbit liked. "All's well that ends well!" said Skratch, gesturing back at Ledger and his wife and children. The Wabbit shook his head. "These recent adventures don't end," he said, "they just seem go on and on." "Just like life, Wabbit," said Lapinette. "One adventure ends and another starts." "But we still don't know why the Sharpies attacked us," said the Wabbit. "You're thinking again," said Skratch, "and too much thinking is a kind of curse." "It's called think-itis," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned and then thought about grinning so he stopped and made a straight face. "Don't you know the head gardener here?" asked Skratch. "I certainly do," said the Wabbit. "She's awfully nice and looks after my secret ..." The Wabbit realised everyone was listening intently and changed his mind. "Secret collection of pruning shears," he said finally. "Perhaps she could arrange for aperitivi to be served right here," said Lapinette. "All right," said the Wabbit. "Five aperitivi and some carrot juice for the children." "Some?" smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit made a quick calculation using both paws and narrowed eyes. "25 Litres," he smiled. "And picnic biscuits!" yelled Skratch.

13, The Wabbit and the Alien Attraction

The engine drone became deafening as the plane flew overhead. The Wabbit clutched his fur as blades flew upwards towards a familiar object. "Why didn't I think of that?," muttered the Wabbit. "You can't think of everything," said Skratch, "you think too much as it is!" A clang rang out as a Sharpie stuck to a giant magnet. The Wabbit flinched back as a spike grazed his nose. "At least we know who it is!" said Lapinette. "Oh yes," muttered the Wabbit, who hadn't a clue. "This is Rio Bravo, Wabbit!" shouted Skratch. The Wabbit shrugged. "Because people you rejected are turning up to help," said Skratch." The Wabbit shook his head. "Wabbit, you're hopeless," grinned Lapinette. But as she gestured happily, the radio flew from her paw and joined the blades on their hapless journey to the giant magnet. "Grrr," said Lapinette. "Don't worry, Feathers" chortled the Wabbit. "I have another." The Wabbit shoved a paw in his fur for his spare radio - but Skratch clamped a paw down hard. "Leave it Wabbit. Let the Alien Pilot sort it out." "Alien Pilot!" shouted the "Wabbit. "I sent him far away." "Fortunately, not far enough," said Skratch.

12. The Wabbit and the Scrap Metal Trade

Lapinette grabbed the radio from the Wabbit and hit it once. For a few seconds nothing happened. Then the radio crackled and burst into life. They could hear the sound of a plane and a voice sang, "Any old iron, any old iron, any any any old iron." The Wabbit started to tap a foot but Lapinette stepped on it sharply and glared at him. "Single engine light plane, 1930s," said the Wabbit. "Not one of ours?" asked Lapinette. "Definitely not," said the Wabbit. Lapinette lifted the radio. "To whom am I speaking," she enquired. The singing stopped and the engine drone dropped. "Just an old space trader," said a voice. Lapinette paused and considered.  “Don’t I know you from somewhere?" she asked. "It’s a small galaxy," said the voice. "“But you need some assistance and I’m here to take any old scrap metal off your paws." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and raised an eye. The Wabbit shrugged. Lapinette lifted the radio again. "We do have some merchandise," she breathed softly. The Wabbit jumped up and down and waved both paws upwards. "For a price," hissed Lapinette. "I buy any scrap," hummed the voice. "with your price paid." Lapinette looked at the Sharpies’ blades and smiled. "You take charge of the merchandise and we’ll agree a price later." "On my way," said the voice. "And if you have anything metal in your fur ..." The Wabbit patted his fur frantically. "... please anchor it down." said the voice. 

11. The Wabbit & the Room with a View

The Wabbit led the rush to the balcony and they all scrambled up. But the Sharpies were fast and hurled blade after blade. Automatics were hardly a match for the missiles, but for a while their fire held the enemy at bay. "What next Wabbit?" shouted Lapinette. "Aim for the blades," he yelled. "Kill the blades and you kill the ghouls." "That's the wrong film, Wabbit," shouted Skratch. "This is Rio Bravo, not the Night of the Living Dead!" "We'll be the living dead in a minute!" scowled Lapinette as a blade shattered close to her foot. Blades rained down and some wedged quivering in the brickwork. "We need reinforcements," muttered Skratch as he dragged Lapinette onto the balcony. "I'd radio in if I had a spare paw," said the Wabbit, dispatching two Sharpies with two shots. Suddenly the Sharpies stopped. Sounds of fighting died away and there was silence. The Wabbit shook his head and slid fresh clips into his guns. "The radio, Wabbit!" whispered Lapinette. "Oh yes," said the Wabbit and he fished in his fur. He fished for a long time, glancing up from time to time and smiling with a lopsided grin. Finally he found what he was looking for and looked directly at Lapinette with a straight face. "Did you remember to charge the batteries?" he smiled.

10. The Wabbit & the Companions of Evil

The friends emerged from the tunnel to find themselves in the woods, directly opposite the back of Ledger's house. "Good grief, Wabbit, what the devil are these?" hissed Skratch. The Wabbit's normally cheerful demeanour dropped, to be replaced by a look of horror. "They're Sharpies," he whispered, "don't let them see us." "I've never heard of them," said Lapinette. "They're supposed to be a legend," replied the Wabbit, "but clearly that's a myth." "What's their raison d’être?" asked Lapinette. "Slicing and dicing," said the Wabbit gravely. "They reduce everything to shavings." "What can they want with us?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit whispered at length. "The legend tells that they only respond to great evil, which they cannot resist. They dissect victims with their many blades in the service of evil." "The companions of evil,” murmured Lapinette. "Exactly," said the Wabbit, "but who are their companions?" "Could be anyone, really," shrugged Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded sadly but Ledger nudged him and pointed to the balcony. "Something's happening," he said. "How do you know?" asked Skratch. "I know my wife," said Ledger. And as they looked, the sharp crack of an automatic turned all into confusion ... 

9. The Wabbit moves Underground

Deep under the bunker lay the tunnel and the Wabbit led the way. "Let's take this path," said the Wabbit. "I don't know what's at that end," warned Skratch the Cat. "There's only one way to find out," said the Wabbit and he hopped forward. Lapinette pointed her torch. "I think it's the house," she said. "The house it is then," murmured the Wabbit, "and let's be on the lookout for anything that smacks of geometry." "So we won't go off at a tangent," smirked Ledger. The Wabbit glanced at Ledger with astonishment and nudged Skratch. "I think I saw Ledger smile," he whispered. "A trick of the light," grinned Skratch. They hopped for quite a while, then Skratch glanced overhead. "I wonder where we are exactly?" "I'd say we're parallel with the edge of the woods," said the Wabbit. Skratch narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "They're surely expecting us," he sighed. "They're expecting something," said the Wabbit, "but now they're uncertain." "We're not even certain of who they are," said Lapinette. "It doesn't matter, because they will underestimate us,"  said the Wabbit. Sudden quiet fell and their shadows seemed to pace them as they travelled. "We appear weak, when we are strong." explained the Wabbit. "How strong are we?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit flicked imaginary dust from his fur. "We're all packing heat," he drawled.

8. The Wabbit and the Secret Bunker

The Wabbit and Lapinette hopped rapidly under the trees to avoid the guided pencils raining from the sky, but still the Euclidean fighters circled. Deeper into the woods they spotted something odd. "What's that?" puffed the Wabbit. Lapinette stared. "It looks like a bunker," she said, "but I thought there were no bunkers left." "Maybe we can shelter there?" said the Wabbit - but as he hopped closer, a door creaked open. The Wabbit and Lapinette drew automatics from their fur and held their breath. "Surprise!" shouted a familiar voice. First Skratch's head, then Ledger's appeared from the doorway. "Better get inside!" yelled Skratch, "before they start progression bombing." Lapinette looked in the door. "Where on earth does this go?" "You're not going to believe me," said Skratch. "Let's talk inside," yelled the Wabbit as the increasing drone told him fighters were closing. Safe in the bunker's interior they listened as the fighters' drone grew inaudible. They sighed with relief and looked at each other. "I wasn't expecting this turn of events," said the Wabbit. "What were you expecting?" asked Skratch. "Just normal mild peril," said the Wabbit. Skratch smiled. "This leads to a tunnel," he said. "Where to?" "Where from, you mean," said Skratch. "Grrr," said the Wabbit. "From that garden you like," said Skratch, "You found it by trowel and error?" grinned the Wabbit. 

7. The Wabbit and the Euclidian Faction

The Wabbit had joined Lapinette to the rear of Ledger's house, when he heard a drone that he recognised. He gripped Lapinette's arm tightly and pulled. "Run Run!" he shouted and they ran as fast as they could. But the three fighters looming from the sky were faster. They swooped over and back - and when they spotted the Wabbit and Lapinette, they started to fire. "Guided pencils!" shouted the Wabbit, jumping to avoid the sharpened missiles. "Who are they?" yelled Lapinette, fishing her automatic from her fur. "They're Euclidians," yelled the Wabbit. "They split from mainstream mathematics to take up armed geometry." "Are they the ones who employed Ledger to spy on us?" asked Lapinette. "I don't think so," said the Wabbit and he fired unsuccessfully at one of the fighters. "But they might be in league with others." They both stood their ground and for a while they shot at the fighters and dodged their missiles. "Are these heat seeking?" said Lapinette, kicking one as it zoomed past. "It's possible," yelled the Wabbit, "but I think I know what guides them in." Lapinette fired another unsuccessful shot. "Do you have any graph pads in your fur?" asked the Wabbit. "Of course not!" shouted Lapinette. "I have six,” frowned the Wabbit. 

6. The Wabbit and the Wife in the Garret

The Wabbit climbed to the window and pushed it open. "I heard you were coming," said an imperious voice, "and it's not a moment too soon." The Wabbit looked inside to see Ledger's wife. "Acme Repairs at your service Mrs Ledger, there's remedial work to be done." "I've been waiting some time," said Mrs Ledger, "so I hope you're going to do a good job," "The very best we can," smiled the Wabbit. "Sorry you've been inconvenienced." He dropped his voice. "I hope we're not inconveniencing anyone else?" He looked behind her and all around, then questioningly raised his eyes. Mrs Ledger subtly gestured towards the back of the house with a paw and the Wabbit nodded and tapped his coat. "We have rather a lot of equipment, Mrs Ledger, Ma'am - so perhaps you might store some for us?" He winked broadly then fished in his fur and brought out an automatic. Then with a flick of his paw he sent it spiralling across the room. Mrs Ledger caught it deftly and winked back as she tucked it away. The Wabbit made to climb down the ladder but paused. "Is there any work to be done in the grounds?" he asked. Mrs Ledger nodded. "There's rather a lot of weeds to be cleared and some garbage to be removed." "We'll do the garbage first," said the Wabbit and he disappeared from sight.

5. The Wabbit effects Landlordly Repairs

There was quiet at the house where Ledger's family was captive. But it didn't last long. Suddenly there was a lot of noise in the Ledger Woods as the Wabbit chugged up with a strange vehicle. "Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho!" sang Lapinette, dancing on the forklift.  "It's off to work we go!" responded  the Wabbit. "With a drill and a bit!" trilled Lapinette. "And a little dab of spit," yelled the Wabbit, jumping down from the vehicle. "Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho!" They laughed and laughed and pretended to lark and joke like work rabbits in a medieval play. "Any sign of the enemy?" whispered Lapinette. "No sign of anyone at all," said the Wabbit. "Suspicious," said Lapinette. "Very" said the Wabbit. "Well, they know the landlord's coming," said Lapinette. "That explains the silence," said the Wabbit. They glanced at each other then at Ledger's house. I don't like the look of the gutters," commented the Wabbit. "The previous operatives were hideously inept," frowned Lapinette. "Needs sorting," grumbled the Wabbit." Sooner the better," agreed Lapinette. "I'll climb the ladder first," said the Wabbit, "and inspect the window frames." "A ladder is a means of access and not a working platform," said Lapinette primly. "That's true," said the Wabbit, "and we forgot our special hats," "And the building site signs," said Lapinette. "And portable toilets," added the Wabbit  "How will we ever manage?" smiled Lapinette. "Self control!" grinned the Wabbit.