9. The Wabbit and the Power of Maps

Leaving Wabsworth to go native with the locals and gather information, the team gathered in a likely spot. "I don't see anything," said Lapinette, "are you sure this is right?" "That," said the Wabbit, "was my information," and he rummaged frantically in his fur. Skratch the Cat pricked up his ears. "Did anyone hear that?" Captain Jenny blinked and her nose twitched "A rumbly sort of noise?" "A rumbly, slidy rasping?" added Lapinette. "Shhh .." said the Wabbit as he flourished his map. Skratch reached for it but when his paw touched the parchment, a surge of energy shook them both. "Static?" suggested the Wabbit and he narrowed his eyes. "Oh, let me see," said Lapinette and she gripped the map by a corner. "Ouch," shouted the Wabbit. Lapinette looked at her tingling paw, shook it and said something under her breath. Pirate Jenny thought for a minute. "Let's all touch it together." The Wabbit nodded. He unrolled the map and each grasped a corner and waited. Nothing happened. The Wabbit suddenly grinned and rolled up the map. "Use your hook, Jenny!" Jenny changed paws and her hook coiled round the parchment. "Grip it," said the Wabbit. The map began to vibrate. They all looked round as a door swivelled and a passageway opened in the pyramid.  "Hold the map!" shouted the Wabbit and they all grabbed for it. Then they shimmered and vanished - as with a violent rasping, the door swung shut.

8. Skratch and the Instant Proposal

As the Wabbit and Lapinette watched the preparations for the Sago Ceremony, Skratch the Cat took his opportunity. "Captain Jenny," he whispered, sinking to his knees. Jenny looked down with interest and Skratch began. "I adore you Captain," he said. "May I have your hook in marriage?" Jenny rocked back and forth in a pirate fashion. Then she leant forward and pursed her lips and muttered. "Where's my dowry?" "That really comes from your side," replied Skratch, who had been a Cat Burglar and knew what was what. "But I have some jewelry put by."  "Oh," said Jenny, and she smiled. "Who's going to marry us?" Skratch gestured towards the Wabbit's android double. "Wabsworth has a divinity sub-routine," he purred. Jenny chuckled. "Who's going to give me away then?" "The Wabbit of course, he's senior." Jenny let forth a kind of a giggle. "I see no ring!" Skratch felt beads of perspiration under his mask. "I'm certain the Wabbit has one in his fur." "Aha!" said Jenny. "I don't want a second-hand ring the Wabbit found in a market." Skratch was quick. "I'm sure there's a special ring somewhere on this island." Now Jenny grinned. "Perhaps we'll find one." Skratch brightened and Jenny drew close. "I really don't know, Skratch. But I tell you what I'll do." Skratch felt his legs go rubbery. "I'll think about it," said Jenny curtly, then paused. "What on earth that thudding?" "My beating heart," sighed Skratch.

7. The Wabbit and the First Encounter

The team traversed the island and from a vantage point, surveyed the scene. But as they looked down at an avenue of pillars, they saw figures emerge from between the blue pyramids. One larger than the rest looked up and called out. "Do you seek treasure?"  Jenny looked at Lapinette. "You're the anthropologist, it's your call." Lapinette thought carefully. "We seek no treasure, we seek what is rightfully ours." Creatures scurried around and held impromptu discussions. "What is it that is rightfully yours?" cried the leader. The Wabbit shook his head. "We're not rightfully sure, but we have a map which leads to another map." The leader laughed. "Throw away your map, we know where everything is." "In that case," said Lapinette, "we'll pop down and interview you about your customs." There was a brief interval while more discussions took place. The leader hailed them again. "Have you brought any sago?" Lapinette smiled, because for once the Wabbit had something useful in his fur. But Jenny broke in quickly. "Sago is a scarce commodity, but we might be able to assist you." The Wabbit gripped his hidden packet tightly. "Have you heard of antique sago?" he called. A cheer rose above the island and some creatures began to dance. "We will now prepare the altar," called the leader. "I don't like the sound of this," said Skratch the Cat.

6. The Wabbit lands on Wablantis

"It's just up here," said Lapinette, but the Wabbit knew from his map that this might be a long way from their goal. So he hopped forward with a stern look to give the impression he knew what he was doing. "I though it would be warmer," said Captain Jenny, clutching an arm to her chest. "This is my summer tunic." Lapinette smiled because she had seen the whole island from her helichopper. She thought the island's broad plains and rounded hills might get very hot indeed - so she had dragged a light battledress from her locker. The Wabbit spoke in a too-loud voice and glanced all around. "I find it rather strange that no-one's about." "We should be on our guard," Commander," said Jenny. "These quiet places with no sign of life hide awful secrets and conceal strange practices." Lapinette was intrigued. "What sort of thing?" "Devil worship," replied Jenny. "And ritual sacrifice," added the Wabbit. But Lapinette had studied anthropology in the field with the Bare’e-speaking Toradja. "In Central Sulawesi," she nodded, "it ensures fertility." Jenny snorted. "Aren't they the ones that drink their own ...?"  No," said Lapinette quickly, "that's the Sambians of New Guinea." "Well, did we bring any gifts for inhabitants?" asked Jenny. The Wabbit dug deep in his fur and found a packet of sago long past its sell-by date. "We'll be fine," he murmured.
[Background photograph: Mick Warne]

5. The Lost Island of Wablantis

Lapinette didn't need much. She saw a tiny patch of blue and her helichopper leapt into the sky like a grasshopper. She looked down to see the Lepus and the Unut break through the jungle inlet into an electric blue sea. Lapinette's rotors chopped through strange air as she wheeled across an other-worldly landscape. She pawed her radio into life. "Lapinette, Lynx 2 calling." Nothing. She switched to the short wave. "Lynx 2. Do you copy?" Now the radio whined. "Captain Jenny receiving. What can you see?" "Strange shores, Captain," muttered Lapinette. There was a break in transmission. "Have you eaten recently?" broke in Jenny. There was no reply and Jenny's voice became strict. "There are salad sandwiches in the glove compartment. Eat." Lapinette gripped a sandwich in her mouth and skittered the Lynx along the island. "Report," snapped Jenny. "Six blue pyramids of varying sizes," said Lapinette. "Sounds like Ancient Aliens," said Jenny, "so is there any life?" "No visible life," said Lapinette. "Then it's a rather normal kind of place," quipped Jenny, scanning the horizon. She made out a dot and she knew it was Lapinette.  "Can you see a suitable spot?" Lapinette swooped towards the coast. "One klick east of the Unut," said Lapinette. "I see a road and a landing strip." "Land on the Unut," said Jenny. Lapinette had a thought. "What happened to the Wabbit?" Another signal intruded. "I hear everything."

4. Lapinette and the Jungle Inlet

Lapinette crawled out of her bunk and looked over the side. The Unut's engines had faded to a low thrum and she knew something had changed. The ship was still moving but incredibly slowly - and dense forest was on all sides. Loudspeakers carried the angry voice of the Wabbit. "All paws on deck. I won't have these plants on my bridge." Lapinette had no sea legs whatsever and even at this speed, the Unut's slight heave made her stomach spin. Lapinette shook her head and gasped in the humid air. A grinding crash from the bow shuddered along Unut's hull and Lapinette could hear the Wabbit's voice again. "Slow ahead, nice and easy, she''ll go through." Lapinette gazed down at what looked like a swamp. She watched bubbles swim to the surface and the smell of rotting vegetation made her stomach cramp. Inside her jacket, a radio crackled. "Lapinette to the helichopper bay, on the double." Now Lapinette looked up. She squinted her eyes in the strange light and thought she could make out giant teeth. All of a sudden the helichopper bay seemed like a good place to be. "On my way," she muttered to herself, and dodging clingy tendrils, she ducked back to her cabin to grab necessary supplies. "I don't like ships," she groaned as she headed to the aft deck. "But call me in on a day of trouble and I'll deliver."

3. The Wabbit & the Whale's Undertow

Neither the Wabbit nor Rabbit Jenny could do the slightest thing about what happened next. Thoth the Whale expanded to giant proportions and the undertow from his wake trapped both Lepus and Unut in a vice-like grip. The Wabbit looked at his instruments and shrugged and gave up as the Unut was hauled across the ocean. On the Lepus, Jenny tried fighting with controls but to no effect. But somehow, Thoth glided on the ocean surface like a hydrofoil. The Unut's video link sparked out, so the Wabbit looked away and tested the ship-to-ship radio to see if it was working. There was a whoosh from the speaker as if the sea had got into the circuits, but Jenny’s voice cut through like crystal. "We have to run with the whale, Commander."  "I hope he really knows where he’s going," sighed the Wabbit. Jenny’s eyes narrowed. "The Goddess Unut sent him?" "She tends to interfere," said the Wabbit. There was an awful noise as the hull of the Lepus rumbled then groaned. "Will she hold?" asked the Wabbit. "She’ll hold," said Jenny, "she’s been through worse." "Brecan’s Cauldron?" asked the Wabbit with a shudder. The radio whooshed but it couldn’t cover the clarity of Jenny’s voice. "I love to sail forbidden seas, and land on barbarous coasts." Now silence fell, except for the roaring of water past hull. "What can Wablantis look like?" murmured the Wabbit. "Ignorance is the mother of fear," responded Jenny. "Who’s the father?" smirked the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit and Ocean Turbulence

It was the Wabbit’s watch and he was looking forward to a quiet one. Dusk settled across the ocean and he relaxed and glanced at monitors and yawned. But he kept an eye on the progress of the Lepus and to break the monotony, occasionally spoke to Captain Rabbit Jenny on ship’s video. He was looking over to the Lepus and smiling to himself when he noticed the previously calm waters were a little disturbed. So he called Rabbit Jenny - but just as her face swam into view, something leapt from the sea with an incredible splash and made a series of low booming sounds and clicks. Foam spurted as the creature’s tail threshed. "I see it, Commander," said Jenny. "You could hardly miss it," said the Wabbit. "Hang on. It’s communicating with my bridge crew," said Jenny. "Do they speak whale?" asked the Wabbit. Jenny raised a paw. "We can decode the sounds. I’ll patch you through a translation." The Wabbit listened intently. "I am the Sea God!" boomed the whale, "and I am thrice great." "That sounds very familiar," thought the Wabbit and he spoke to the monitor. "Jenny, his name is Thoth. Confirm he is thrice great, or we’ll be here all day." Threshing tortured the water and casually sprayed both ships. "I am to assist you find the Lost Island of Wablantis." The Wabbit addressed Thoth directly. "Thoth, do you know where we’re going?" A jet of water shot in the air and a piercing wail shook the vessels. "I am thrice sure!" The Wabbit looked at Jenny in the monitor and shook his head and winked - and Jenny winked back.

1. The Wabbit and the Improvised Map

On the tiny dock of a little-known port, the Wabbit and Rabbit Jenny met prior to departure. "Our task is formidable," said the Wabbit. "So are we," said Rabbit Jenny the Pirate Chief. The Wabbit grinned and glanced at the scroll under his paw. "This should be of help." "It looks like map," said Jenny. "I made it myself using hearsay and tittle-tattle," said the Wabbit. Jenny's eyebrows fluttered and her lips were questions. "No-one really knows where Wablantis is," continued the Wabbit. "The Ghost Island?" frowned Jenny. "Few have seen it and lived to tell." The Wabbit looked surprised. "What else do you know?" "Those who land and seek treasure there can never leave." The Wabbit's fur stood on end. "We're not looking for treasure precisely." Jenny gripped the Wabbit's paw and he felt it tingle. "What are we looking for?" she murmured. "Another map," said the Wabbit. Jenny knew what was coming and made a wry smile. "That map will indicate the position of another object." "How did you know?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm a pirate," said Jenny. "But even so I don't know what the object is." "Neither do I," shrugged the Wabbit. Jenny swayed backwards and forwards as a pirate chief should. "We'll know when we find it." She turned to look at her ship. "It may not be down on any map, Commander." The Wabbit nodded. "True things never are."

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

" ... that someone special was the Wabbit." Lapinette spoke softly and the Wabbit nodded gravely. "Our meeting had to be kept secret from our enemies, the Agents of Rabit." Rabbit Jenny took roses from her pockets and passed them around. "Type of adventure, Skratch?" she asked. "This was epic theatre," said Skratch immediately. "Speaking of yourself in the third person confronted our dominant specularity and made us think critically." Lapinette looked directly at Jenny. "What about the hanging washing? That was just a symbol wasn't it?" Jenny smiled and shook her head. "No, I don't take prisoners." "So expensive," commented the Wabbit. Lapinette frowned but she was too far away to kick his ankle. "How many of them were there?" asked Wabsworth. Jenny shrugged. "I really don't recall." A silence fell. "Their bones will bleach in the sun," quipped Skratch. Everyone laughed and Jenny turned to him. "I like you, I like you a lot." Skratch blushed. No-one knew, although his voice trembled slightly. "There's one part of the narrative that needs to be addressed." Jenny raised a considerable eyebrow and Skratch waved at her uniform. "The coins you had sewn into your tunic. What happened to them?" Jenny laughed. "I spent them," she said, "and now I need to find more." The Wabbit's 28 teeth gleamed. "That can be arranged." But Jenny's eyes were on Skratch. "Did I foreground the signifier, Skratch?" she asked. "You are the signifier," he gasped.

Pt 11: Jenny and the Last Washing

"That can't be the end of the story," said Skratch the Cat, "it's much too exciting." "Yes," said the Wabbit, "we want a coda." Pirate Jenny stared with amusement at her glass and gulped the contents down. "Indeed," she said, "there must be an end, so here's the tail." Lapinette smiled and applauded. Pirate Jenny waved an arm and spoke. "On the deck of the Lepus, Rabbit Jenny opened the third and last of her packages and took out a sack of coins. Then she shrugged off her blue tunic and told the Quartermaster to have the coins made into buttons to be stitched into her uniform. She hardly looked back as her ship slid away from the ratty coast, but she caught sight of the rows of washing she’d left as a warning - and watched as a breeze blew in and filled the garments." Pirate Jenny stopped and lifted her glass in a toast and so did everyone else. "The clothes should have billowed, but under Jenny's gaze they started to jerk and kick in a grim gallows jig. Her nose twitched as if she'd smelled something sour and she turned away from the coast. An ancient and grizzled mariner grasped her fur and asked where they were going. Jenny took his hand gently. A bolt of electricity shot up the mariner’s arm and prickled across his shoulders, but when it reached his heart it felt warm. She told him they would follow the Southern Cross and the mariner asked for the name of the port. Rabbit Jenny shook her head, smiled and pointed out to sea. “We have a secret rendezvous with someone special.”

Pt 10: Jenny - and Now or Later

Pirate Jenny’s audience was on tenterhooks as Jenny’s eyes hardened and she took another deep draught of rum. She looked around her audience but Wabsworth couldn’t restrain himself. "What happened next?" he breathed. "I will tell you," smiled Pirate Jenny – and she did. "Rabbit Jenny stood and looked at the harbour she had watched for so long. Behind her, voices grew louder and louder until she could hear every word. They were bringing the prisoners in, bringing them to her. And they wanted to know what to do with them. She heard one ask if they should kill them now or later and all the sailors took up the cry. “Now or later, now or later?” Their voices echoed through the shabby alleyways and the shattered buildings of that ratty town. Rabbit Jenny stared and stared until she realised they were asking the question of her. So she took the second package from her bag, unwrapped it and using the hook on her injured paw, extracted a blood-stained towel. Then she lifted it high above her head and waited - waited as only Jenny could. Everything became quiet - even the splashing of waves on the dock. The sailors watched Jenny’s paw and it was unnaturally still for what seemed like an age. Then way up in the air a seagull screeched. With a sudden movement Jenny brought the towel down and breathed  ... “Right now.”

Pt 9: Jenny makes a Departure

Jenny the Pirate Chief paused for enough time to pour another glass and just for a second she watched her rum swirl. Lapinette reached out to touch Jenny’s paw and her eyes urged Jenny to continue. Jenny's eyes gleamed in response as she put down her glass and went on. "The massive cannon of the ghostly ship overshadowed the harbour and it could easily be seen from Rabbit Jenny’s attic window. But Jenny was no longer there. As she headed down the hotel stairs, she took out the first of the objects from her bag – an object that she quickly unwrapped."  Pirate Jenny stopped talking suddenly and she too pulled out something from one of her many pockets and waved it at her audience before continuing. "A guest stepped forward to bar Jenny’s path but it was his last conscious act. A pistol fired and the muzzle flash lit his cruel face in the dim hotel lobby. “Who are you?” muttered the guest in a last dying gasp before his knees buckled and he sank silently onto the shabby carpet.  Jenny kicked his body aside. She shoved the automatic deep into her fur and glancing in a cracked hotel mirror, she straightened her hat. Then she hopped through the door and onto the hapless streets of the ratty little town where four hundred sailors swarmed in every shadowy lane. They were rounding people up and taking them away, but they stiffened to attention and saluted as Rabbit Jenny moved seamlessly through their ranks, heading directly for the harbour ..."

Pt.8: Jenny and the Seige

Pirate Jenny wore an intense expression, so wrapped in her story that her glass of grog remained untouched. Her eyes narrowed and it seemed to everyone listening that they were really there with her in that awful shabby hotel. Jenny suddenly lifted her glass, drained the contents and spoke. "Even though the shape seemed far out to sea, Rabbit Jenny recognised a ghostly ship and could make out frantic activity on the deck. She grasped her hat firmly, straightened her red rose and braced herself. Suddenly the harbour lit up as the ship wheeled to port and cannon fire burst from her bow. The town shook and plaster fell from all the walls of the hotel."  Pirate Jenny stopped and waved her hook, pretending to pick plaster from her ears. Now her voice grew menacing. The hateful guests cowered in their rooms and prayed for deliverance but Jenny casually turned from the window. Bending slightly, she levered a loose floorboard with her hook and took out three wrapped objects, which she placed in a small bag." Pirate Jenny paused because it looked like Wabsworth was going to ask about the objects, but he merely nodded, so she nodded back and carried on. "Rabbit Jenny returned to the window. Seeing that the ship had closed on the town she turned to light a lamp behind her - so that her silhouette could watch. The massive cannon on the bow of the ghostly ship swung right and left, up and down, blasting the coast until every building was flat. Except that is ...  for one ratty little hotel.  

Pt 7: Jenny when The Ship Came In

The Wabbit and Lapinette watched Jenny the Pirate as she stood akimbo and swayed her body back just like a pirate should. Everyone was desperate to hear the next bit of story, but they stayed very quiet until Captain Jenny began again. Rabbit Jenny watched the harbour from an attic window in the ratty old hotel, but she did watch. Never a night passed when she didn’t. Her eyes grew tired and her limbs grew weary but she wouldn’t give up. Night after night she watched while the hotel guests slumbered. Long after the dubious deeds were done and the dock became deserted, she continued her vigil and she missed nothing." Pirate Jenny stopped, took another swig of rum then frowned at her empty glass. The Wabbit hopped forward and quickly refilled it while Pirate Jenny continued. "Her task seemed unending. But one night when the moon crept behind the shadows, a shape appeared on the distant horizon and came quietly closer. Rabbit Jenny looked far out to sea and when she saw it, her heart slammed three times under her fur." Jenny slammed her glass three times on the table and when everyone jumped, she smiled. "She went swiftly to a small cupboard, took out a special hat and put it on her head. Then she slid open a drawer and from a recess at the back extracted a flower made from red cloth. Carefully pinning the flower to her hat, she turned to watch as the shape cut through the limpid waters like a knife. It made no sound whatsoever and Rabbit Jenny kept watching. But she got ready to move."

Pt 6: Rabbit Jenny & the Medical Tray

Jenny, the Pirate Chief, took another sip of rum. She closed her eyes for a second and when they opened they seemed to flash. They looked like diamonds catching the light and they clearly said, "No interruptions." Her brow furrowed and her lips pursed as she went on. "In her meagre quarters in the ratty hotel, Rabbit Jenny cleaned her wound and applied bandages. Although spikes of pain shot through her paw, she did not feel hurt exactly. Hurt was something Rabbit Jenny would not allow and she refused to show anything resembling distress. Yet deep inside, some anguish spasmed that was quite unlike the injury to her paw - because it couldn’t be bandaged. Jenny lifted the hook that she’d found in a drawer and gripped it firmly in her injured paw so that she could pick things up. She tried it a few times until she became practiced, then she washed the bloodstained towels and hung them out to dry. And just like before, Jenny ironed each one and folded it neatly. But bloodstains are hard to remove and even though Jenny laundered the towels well, each one bore signs of Jenny’s pain. She gave each towel a name that was impossible to forget and returned to pursue her nocturnal vigil. Rabbit Jenny wasn’t going to give up, but she became wilier. Every night after that she was careful to look behind her. But she also looked up at the moon and silently chanted the list of names."

Pt 5: Jenny and the Watched Window

 

Jenny the Pirate Chief paused in her story and asked for grog. So Lapinette twitched an ear slightly and a waiter instantly appeared with a new bottle of Seven Fathoms rum and 5 fresh glasses. Jenny poured herself a healthy libation, drank it back in one gulp and set the glass down on the table with a crash. Then she began once more. "One night, Rabbit Jenny stared and stared out of the hotel window. Usually, the guests were too drunk to see her and even if they did, they were incapable of movement. But something woke them from their torpor and they noticed her staring there and started to talk. They whispered to each other, “what’s she got to stare at?” and pointed at Jenny and made circular motions with their fingers as if she was mad. Jenny was absorbed in watching the dank harbour so she never saw the guest advance. With one finger on his lips he crept up on Jenny and with a sudden swipe and enormous force, he smashed the window down on her paw."  Lapinette and the Wabbit flinched back but Pirate Jenny held her head high. "If the guest expected her to cry in pain, then he was sadly mistaken because she made no sound. But Rabbit Jenny turned and her eyes burned into those of her tormentor until he shielded his face and turned away. With blood running from her paw, she hopped past the guests and into her quarters ..."

Pt 4: Jenny and the Laundry List

Jenny looked around to see if she had complete attention then tilted her pirate hat forward at a jaunty angle and looked at her audience. The friends leaned forward on their seats with eager faces and waited for her to explain how Rabbit Jenny remembered everything she saw in the night. Jenny the Pirate began again.  "Late at night, when Jenny was going to sleep, she curled up and tried to recall everything she had witnessed in the docks. Then one by one she attached each event to a piece of washing." Pirate Jenny stopped and smiled grimly. "Jenny knew all about washing. Every morning at the crack of dawn she was forced to launder all the soiled clothes of the cruel hotel guests. There was so much to do that her paws were raw-red by the time she served breakfast. But at bed time reverie, her mind floated and laundered what she’d seen on the docks. She first gave the laundry very special names for all the dubious exchanges she had witnessed. Then she designated a garment for each of the people involved - and if she didn’t know who they were, she invented a name them. As she imagined folding clothes and putting them away, she allocated to each of these people a fitting punishment. In the eye of her imagination she could see layers of garments - ironed, folded and named - rising to the top of a basket. Then as the stack of freshly laundered washing became ever higher, she willed the basket to suddenly fall. It was only then - at the precise moment when garments spilled onto ground - that Rabbit Jenny smiled and drifted into sleep...”

Pt 3: Jenny and the Shadowy Harbour

Now the group was enthralled and Pirate Jenny’s voice quietened as she went on telling her story. "Every night at a late hour," said Jenny, "things became quiet in the ratty hotel. That was when the big time gamblers and their floozies slumped helplessly drunk in massive armchairs." Lapinette wrinkled her nose in disgust but Jenny was warming to her narrative and now she smiled an affectionate smile. "It was at that hour, in the deep dead of night, when Rabbit Jenny hopped to the window and watched the harbour to see the boats crawl in. She saw figures creeping out of the shadows and her ears pricked up as she heard them talking. All across the dock the air hung heavy like blunted daggers ..."  Jenny paused as her audience shrank back and her voice grew bold as she continued her tale. "Rabbit Jenny tried to make out the sound of hollow voices and she closely watched the men glance over their shoulders as they exchanged notes for cargo.  It wasn’t easy to see what everything was and Jenny knew she had to remember every single exchange that took place. But there were so many." The audience murmured with interest, but Wabsworth couldn’t contain himself. "How did she remember everything?" he asked. "Did she take notes?" Everyone shushed Wabsworth to be quiet but Jenny smiled nicely at him. "It was too dangerous to take notes," she said softly. “But Rabbit Jenny devised her own way of remembering ..."

Pt 2: Jenny & the Reprobate's Retreat

"But who did stay in this awful place?" asked the Wabbit eagerly. Jenny made some sort of facial expression that wasn’t a frown as such - it was closer to disdain and she pursed her lips and carried on with her story. "In the scruffy town, overlooking the dank harbour lay a ratty hotel. Visitors hardly dared go there and few were brave enough to speak of it at all. The hotel hosted a number of creatures – all men without visible means of support. They seemed to have nothing to do except lay about and drink and shout and laugh and swear like troopers"  Lapinette made a grimace and Jenny matched it as she continued. "But the butt of their jokes fell on a domestic, whose name was Rabbit Jenny." There was a gasp from Jenny's audience - even if they had some idea this was coming - and Jenny’s voice became angry. "All day long Rabbit Jenny scurried after the men, doing their bidding and fetching this and that. But the men tripped her up and pulled her fur and spilled her water. And if she even looked round they taunted her with cruel names and spat at her as she hurried past." Jenny stopped because the Wabbit looked furious and Skratch's claws had extended. Lapinette gazed at Jenny and said softly, "Do you want to stop?" Jenny shook her head. "Now I've started," she said, "and I always finish what I start ..."

Pt 1: Jenny & the Scruffy Promontory

"Please start Jenny," asked Lapinette. As usual, the Wabbit grinned and said "I’m all ears." Jenny smiled a wry smile and began. As she began to speak, they all leaned back and listened eagerly. There was something compelling about her husky voice and the way she described things, so they gave her rapt attention without interruption - well, little interruption, because the friends were very curious creatures indeed. "Once upon a time," began Jenny. Everyone snuggled in anticpation. "... Once upon a time," said Jenny, "in a far-off land, on a scruffy bit of coast there lay an even scruffier promontory. And on that promontory there was a scruffy little town where honest people never went. In the darkness of the night, small boats stole in to the town's dank harbour and departed quietly in the early hours under muffled oars." Jenny paused and looked around the faces and scowled. "Not many went to that shabby place unless they had some sort of business to transact and most arrived and left in haste. But there were others who lived there."  "What kind of business?” murmured Lapinette under her breath. But Skratch, who had been a cat burglar, nudged her to be quiet. Of any of them, he had the best idea of that kind of thing. "Unfunny business," he snorted. Jenny nodded her agreement and continued ...

The Wabbit and the Pirate Caffè

Lapinette made herself comfortable and threw her tunic on the seat. Rabbit Jenny, the Pirate Chief, enquired what manner of grog they preferred. Not getting a lightning answer, she called over her shoulder. "A bottle of Seven Fathoms Rum and five glasses. Chop chop!" Jenny turned to Skratch the Cat, who wouldn't take off his cap. "Lighten up, feline, I believe you usually ask some question at this juncture." "Were not exactly finished our adventure, Captain," said Skratch. "But I think we're in the Pirate Genre." "Certainly not," said the Wabbit, "we're more correctly negotiating the Naval and War genre, about which there is a very enormous book indeed." "One book does not a genre make," observed  Wabsworth, who had been compiling a list of popular quotations. "Belay all that persiflage," said Jenny. "What does the Marchesa make of it so far." "This," said Lapinette carefully, "is different. Neither pastiche nor satire, the adventure is a sardonic comment concerning alliances and coalitions." "I like you, Lapinette," laughed Jenny. "You have it in a nutshell. These blowhards are bilged on their own anchors." "What about your story?" asked Lapinette. "I need to be plied with rum," replied Jenny. The Wabbit grinned. "Skratch," he called. "You're in charge of plying." Skratch flicked an imaginary piece of lint from his coat. "Plying," he purred, "is my middle name."

The Wabbit and the Pirate Confab

Jenny the Pirate Chief led the Unut to a secret castle built on two secret hills - and there they docked and disembarked for a confab. "Now," said the Wabbit, "we must talk about details." "How boring," said Lapinette. "I want to know all about Rabbit Jenny and her curious ship." Lapinette advanced on the Wabbit but Jenny held him securely by her hook. The Wabbit looked from side to side, shaking his head sternly. "There are certain protocols that must be followed." He turned to Jenny. "Thank you Captain for inviting us to your castle." Jenny laughed. "Oh, it's not my castle, I just borrowed it." The Wabbit grinned a very broad grin indeed, which he did well to conceal. "It's delightful," murmured Lapinette. "Will we be dining at a banquet?" Jenny laughed again. "I'm afraid the caterers have deserted us." "Oh what a shame," said Lapinette, "I so want to hear your story." Jenny paused. "We use a cafe a wee bit down the Glen, so we could go there." The Wabbit nodded approvingly. "Excellent!" he said with glee and he rubbed his paws together. "There, I'll tell you as much as I can," continued Jenny. "Is it a long story?" asked Lapinette. "As long as a length of rope," said Jenny. Lapinette didn't turn a hair. "Splendid," she said, "I want to hear every single detail." "Will the story have pictures?" mused the Wabbit. "What's the use of a story?" asked Jenny, "without pictures and chit-chat?"

7. The Wabbit & the Dangerous Strait

They emerged out of the mist in a place they weren't expected. That was all to the good except for the treacherous waters. All sounds were muffled except the steady chopping of Lapinette's Merlin, but the ether was electric with radio signals. Commander Wabbit's voice crackled. "Lepus, nasty reef to starboard, just below the surface." But there was no reply. Now Lapinette's radio crackled. "Lepus come in please, currents taking you too close to the Unut." Still there was silence. "Lepus, Lepus?" The Wabbit broke in. "Flight Commander, switch to short wave and keep calling." His voice was terse. "Skratch, hail the Lepus. Don't stop until she answers." The Wabbit lifted his walkie talkie. "And Wabsworth, place a warning flare in front of the Lepus." With a bang, a flash hung over the Lepus and briefly painted the water pink. There was an agonising delay. Then with an inexplicable creaking, the Lepus swung slowly to starboard. A sudden burst of static announced Captain Jenny. "Sorry Commander, we had an electrical failure."  "You certainly picked your spot," said the Wabbit and he looked up. "Lapinette, how do we look now?" "Like a painting, " said Lapinette. "What kind of painting?" asked the Wabbit. "Watercolour," said Lapinette. "You can't get better," smiled the Wabbit.

6. Rabbit Jenny, Pirate Chief

Rabbit Jenny was piped aboard the Unut and she strode forward to meet the Wabbit. For a moment they both looked up at the bridge while the crew took photographs and only then did they speak. "Welcome aboard Captain," said the Wabbit. "We've been waiting some time," said Rabbit Jenny. "Then we saw the helichopper and we knew you'd come." The Wabbit asked after the Lepus and Jenny kind of smiled. "I have 400 sailors ready to do my bidding," "they're a pirate cooperative." "You take your orders from them?" asked the Wabbit. Jenny stiffened. "I take orders from myself and I answer only to Unut, the rabbit goddess." If the Wabbit was surprised, he kept it too himself. "The deal is this," stated the Wabbit. "You have control of the seas, but you answer to me and the Department of Wabbit Affairs (Navy)." Jenny nodded gravely and the Wabbit continued. "You may keep 50 per cent of any spoils accruing to you in consequence of pursuing our mutual enemies." "To whom shall I pay the remainder?" "Bonifico to the Dinosaur Fund, Bahamas," grinned the Wabbit. "The casually cruel Agents of Rabit must be eliminated," said Jenny. "All in due course," said the Wabbit. "What course?" asked Jenny. "My course," said the Wabbit, "will you require more ferries?" "I have that matter well in paw," said Jenny, "but the sun is long past the yardarm and my mainbrace requires splicing." "Aperitivi!" yelled the Wabbit. "On the double!"
[Bonifico: Money Transfer]

5. The Wabbit and an Exchange of Fire.

Out of a mist loomed an armed ferry and she was flying the Jolly Roger. "There she is!" said the Wabbit. Skratch pointed. "She's the Lepus and she's packing, Commander!" "Dead Slow Ahead," said the Wabbit. "But she's going to fire," said Skratch. The Wabbit shrugged, then grabbed a rail and ducked as several shells burst around the Unut. The Wabbit lifted his walkie talkie. "Now Wabsworth!" An arc of machine gun fire from a deck-mounted Oerlikon split the pirate flag from a mast and it crashed onto the deck. Everything became still. All that could be heard were waves and the cries of disgruntled seagulls. "Why didn't we pick her up on radar?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit shook his head from side to side. "And where did you get that gun?" asked Skratch. "Army and Navy Surplus," said the Wabbit. Skratch shook his head too, then looked across to the Lepus. He could see activity on deck and tapped the Wabbit's shoulder. "What next?" Before the Wabbit could answer, the ship's radio crackled and a voice spoke. "This is the Captain of the Lepus. I'm known as Rabbit Jenny." "This is Commander Wabbit of the DWA Unut," replied the Wabbit. "Belay your weapon fire and heave to." "You belay first," said Jenny. "We're already belayed," smiled the Wabbit. "Permission to come on board," said Jenny. "Granted," said the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit & Lapinette's Something

"Flight Commander?" said the Wabbit. "Reporting," said Lapinette. "What's in the report?" asked the Wabbit. "Nothing much to report," said Lapinette. "Nothing much to report isn't much of a report," said the Wabbit. "Well it's not exactly nothing," said Lapinette. The Wabbit shook his head and raised his eyes. "Well, why don't you tell me about the something." "It's not much of a something either," sighed Lapinette. The Wabbit hid a smile. "I'm in the mood for not hearing much," he stated. "So tell me about the something you didn't see much of." "It was just something that flashed on the horizon," said Lapinette. "Something that made you blink," said the Wabbit. Lapinette nodded. "And that something was lying north of here?" "Yes it was," said Lapinette. The Wabbit lifted his walkie talkie and spoke gently. "Co-ordinates as instructed, 15 knots." The Unut's bow swung slightly to port and she headed towards the horizon. "What is it that's lying to our north?" asked Lapinette. "A heavily armed ferry," said the Wabbit. "I guess someone's in charge of that ferry," observed Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded but said no more. "Does he know we're coming?" asked Lapinette. "She knows we're coming," corrected the Wabbit. "But not when we're coming," "I guess this ferry doesn't have a timetable," said Lapinette.

3. Lapinette spots Something

Lapinette grumbled to herself as her Merlin helichopper gripped the air. "I don't like ships, I don't like ships." The Merlin was an unfamiliar aircraft to Lapinette but she didn't care and she sent it skittering round in a mock search pattern. The Wabbit was playing some game that only he knew, but she accepted her orders professionally and carried out her duty. The sea looked calm enough now and her delicate shade of seasick green had disappeared. "I prefer to be in the air," she thought. "Mostly, it doesn't move up and down." Just then a gust of wind caught the chopper and sent it spiralling wildly but Lapinette merely twitched the controls and everything was smooth again. Even if her search was designed as a tactical manoeuvre, Lapinette kept an eye open for any craft that might be in the vicinity - but there was nothing, just an aching void of blue green waves. Lapinette looked straight ahead and hummed a Pink Floyd tune she thought went well with helichoppers. Suddenly she blinked. Was that something on the horizon? She stared for quite some time and headed northwards and away from her search pattern. There it was again. A flash of something. Lapinette squinted her eyes and figured it might be the sun glinting from a far-off ship. So she circled back. The radio crackled and the Wabbit's voice crackled too. "Anything to report?" "Not one single thing," said Lapinette.

3. The Wabbit Sails Out

The day was calm enough when they set out and the Unut sliced through slack water, leaving only a rudimentary wake. The Wabbit nodded with satisfaction. "How are we looking, Chief?" he smiled. Skratch the Cat wasn't going to be happy until they had cleared the coast, but he smiled anyway and purred. "On radar, we look like a fishing boat." The Wabbit shuffled his paws from side to side and his voice was dry. "Now the fishermen cast the net." "What is the drill, Commander?" asked Skratch. "Two points off the starboard bow for 70 miles," said the Wabbit, "then an Anderson Turn." "That's a circle, Commander," said Skratch. The Wabbit nodded. "Make it look like someone's overboard. Send Lapinette up in the chopper. It's got to look convincing." Skratch waited. "Scour around then set a course for Ardnamurchan," advised the Wabbit. "Fifteen knots, no hurry." "Tell me more about that craft," said Skratch. "How will we recognise it?" The Wabbit shook his head. "We don't have to. She'll recognise us." "And then?" asked Skratch. "And then, I don't know," replied the Wabbit. "Need the guns?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit thought for a very long time and then shrugged. "Maybe," he said.

2. The Wabbit & the Gods' Commission

It was a dank and a miserable day for a ship's Commissioning and everyone was bad tempered. "Let's get this over with," shivered Unut the Rabbit Goddess. She produced a cake and cut off a slice and handed it to the Wabbit. The Wabbit saluted and Unut watched him fumble and drop crumbs. "Wabbit, do you know how many Gods' coffee mornings it took me to raise the funds for this vessel?" The Wabbit nodded but remained silent. "So bring it back in one piece," said Unut strictly. The Wabbit nodded again. "There's a lot depending on this mission, Commander - and the Gods are stressed about it." "Yes Majesty" said the Wabbit gravely. "So be diplomatic. Don't rock the boat." The Wabbit wanted to smile, but thought better of it. "Can you think of anything else you need, Commander?" asked Unut. The Wabbit raced through a mental check list of various weapons, tools and stocks of food and drink. "I could do with some luck," he said finally. "Fortune favours the bold," said Unut, "but the Gods will keep a vague lookout for you." The Wabbit smiled limply. "Well," sighed Unut. "There's an awful lot of sea and we're rather short on sea gods." The Wabbit had a sudden thought. "Majesty, what about the Commissioning?" "Never mind the Commissioning, here's your ship," said Unut.

1. The Wabbit and the Swift One

"Is she ship-shape, Chief?" The Wabbit was deadly serious and Skratch responded in similar vein. "One or two minor details, Commander. They'll keep until we're at sea." "How were the trials?" asked the Wabbit. "She's faster than we thought," said Skratch, "she exceeded 46 knots over the Measured Mile." The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "Unut the Swift One!" he smiled. "Fastest Type- 45 Destroyer on the ocean," murmured Skratch. The Wabbit looked around. "Where's Lapinette?" he asked - although he already knew. "She's in the engine room, throwing up," said Skratch. "We're not even underway," sighed the Wabbit. "I'm afraid she has no sea legs, Commander." The Wabbit shook his head. "I know," he said, sadly. "Great legs though," risked Skratch. The Wabbit nodded gravely but kept a smile to himself. "Who's officially commissioning our vessel?" asked Skratch. "Rabbit Goddess Unut," said the Wabbit. "Unut is very present in all this," said Skratch with a surprised voice. "She paid for the ship," shrugged the Wabbit. Skratch nodded as if all that was normal and inquired, "Where are we headed?" "I have only rough coordinates," stated the Wabbit, "but it's near an island and we're looking for a heavily armed ferry." "I don't believe in ferries," joked Skratch.

The Wabbit on the Conspiracy Express

The Wabbit and Wabsworth, the Wabbit's android double, took the high speed train to Milan and back. This was for security reasons and because they liked it. The Wabbit visited the refreshments coach, leaving Wabsworth to read a John le Carré novel. He returned to catch Wabsworth's worried look. "What's up Doc?" he asked. Wabsworth frowned. "I'm unhappy with deceiving our friends." The Wabbit grinned a lopsided grin. "What's the word from our enemies?" Wabsworth laid down his book and turned. "They're convinced we're arguing and think we're a spent force." The Wabbit raised an eye, so Wabsworth continued. "They've turned their attentions to things they consider more important." Now the Wabbit beamed. "That was the idea. They musn't see what we're about to do." Wabsworth faced the Wabbit squarely. "Sometimes Wabbit. I disapprove of you." "Me too," shrugged the Wabbit. "I suppose I am a copy of you." moaned Wabsworth. The Wabbit spoke gently. "Sometimes we have to work for the greater good." Wabsworth nodded carefully and reached for his book. "When's the launch?" "Soon," said the Wabbit. "Who's presiding?" asked Wabsworth. "Unut the Goddess," replied the Wabbit. "No-one knows where we're going?" said Wabsworth. "Only me and even then, I only have a rough idea." "Quo vadis?" queried Wabsworth. "Follow me," answered the Wabbit.

The Wabbit's Conspiracy Caffè

The Wabbit hailed his guests cheerfully. "What will everyone have!"  Lapinette stared steadfastly at the bar while Skratch the Cat gave the orders. "We're having particularly large aperitivi and we're rather thirsty." "Subito!" cried the Wabbit and he snapped a paw for service. Skratch caught the Wabbit's eye. "Today, you should be the one to answer the question, Wabbit." "Not at all! Do us the honour, Skratch," said the Wabbit, "what was that for a type of adventure?" So Skratch placed a paw on a convenient table and leaned forward. "Technically speaking, it was a conspiracy but conspiracy falls short of being a single genre." "Because any adventure can be a conspiracy if you stare hard enough at it," added Lapinette. Skratch purred gently. "I believe that a conspiracy adventure has to be labyrinthine." "Mmm," said Lapinette. "I'm not sure the last adventure had the serial complexity that labyrinthine conspiracy requires." Skratch shook his head. "Well, the thing about conspiracy adventures is that they're never really over." Lapinette looked directly at the Wabbit. "I'm uncertain whether we've had the full story - or whether there's more to unravel." "Like a cat with a ball of wool?" suggested the Wabbit. "Cats have got better things to do than unravel balls of wool," grunted Skratch. "Like what?" smiled the Wabbit. "Landing on our feet," said Skratch.

7. Dénouement and the Wabbit

The Wabbit climbed down the ladder and waited for the inevitable. "Don't you want to hear what we have to tell you?" asked Lapinette. "I'm all ears," said the Wabbit and he paused for a moment and hung from a bar and swayed. Lapinette pointed. "This whole vanishing idea thing was our idea. "What?" shouted the Wabbit. "I'm your Commanding Officer!" Lapinette put her paws on her hips and pouted. "We're a team," she said, "and we deserve to be in the know at all times and not tricked." Skratch purred gently. "So we decided to take a leaf out of your book." "And teach you a lesson," added Wabsworth. The Wabbit was horrified. "Et tu, Wabsworth?" he cried. He shook his head and looked all around for his vanishing idea. "You won't see the idea again," said Lapinette. "They were holograms," said Skratch. "Designed to make you own up." said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit appeared nonplussed. "How on earth did you get the budget for this?" "From the Dinosaur Fund, just like you," said Lapinette. "That's how we found out about the Orange Phantom mission," said Skratch. "There was an unexplained transfer of considerable size from that account." "Can't be much left in there now," said the Wabbit, ruefully. "More than enough for a big dinner," smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit brightened. "What's on the menu?" "Humble Pie," laughed Lapinette.

6. The Wabbit and Electrified Thinking

The team manoeuvred the Wabbit into one of his favourite places by persuading him that the electrical energy in the Old Power Station would jog his memory - and help locate his vanishing idea. Now the Wabbit felt under pressure. "So what's the big idea, Wabbit?" called Lapinette. The Wabbit glanced around and saw that all his escaping ideas were present. The bathroom scales were to his right and the clock high to his left. He was aware that the pillow lurked to his rear and that the piggy bank and PIN number were drifting past a skylight. He knew he had to come up with something. So he dropped his head, stared at the scales and spoke. "Something's been weighing on my mind." "Spit it out!" called Skratch the Cat. "It's something I let lie on the pillow too long," said the Wabbit, "and I locked it away." "Keep going Commander," shouted Wabsworth. The Wabbit glanced up at the clock. "Now it’s time to tell you," he sighed. Everything was quiet in the vast hall and the Wabbit looked into the middle distance. "It's about our last mission with the Orange Phantoms," he stated sadly. "I organised the whole thing. It was me." If the Wabbit had expected annoyance he was sorely disappointed. "We knew that," said Lapinette. "And now we have something to tell you ..."

5. The Wabbit and the Unknown Link

"This doesn't look like the Highway to Hell," said the Wabbit as he made his way across the road. "Hardly anyone comes this way," said Skratch the Cat. "It's a desolate spot and no mistake." "Perfect for you to track down your vanishing idea," said Lapinette. "I can't wait here all day for an idea," said the Wabbit, huffily. "What else have you got on?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit couldn't think of a thing and shuffled uncomfortably. "Oh look," he said with relief, "there's Ghost Bunny. Have you seen my idea?" "What does it look like?" wailed Ghost Bunny. "It shifts shape." said Lapinette. "It used to be a pillow, then ..." "Oh, I'm tired of the list," said Skratch, "But one thing is certain. They all have something to do with the Wabbit." Ghost Bunny shimmered in the light, then faded and reappeared. "An idea can't have corporal form," she whispered hauntingly. "The manifestations are inseparable from you, Wabbit."  The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "Run the list past me, Wabbit," sighed Ghost Bunny. "A pillow," said the Wabbit. "Bathroom scales," said Lapinette. "A clock," said Skratch. "And a flying PIN number," said Wabsworth finally. Ghost Bunny haunted up and down then turned. "They're all linked," she wailed.

4. The Wabbit and the Flying PIN

Wabsworth had joined the search for the Wabbit's vanishing idea and had recommended they took the high ground. It was becoming clear that he was right. At first they couldn't see much but then they heard a soft drone, like a light plane. "Ah," said Wabsworth, feeling vindicated. "Is that your idea, Wabbit?" "It's always changing," grimaced the Wabbit. "It started as a pillow, then it became bathroom scales," said Skratch. "And last time it was speaking clock." added Lapinette. They all gazed at the flying piggy bank as it made its way across the sky. Wabsworth screwed up his eyes. "What's that at the back?" he asked. Lapinette nudged the Wabbit. "It looks like a PIN letter from the bank - is that your PIN?" "I can't see it," said the Wabbit. A deep voice boomed from above. "2 4 6 8!" and the pig vanished into the sky. "Is that it?" asked Skratch. "I've no idea," muttered the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed deeply because she knew the Wabbit hated ATMs and preferred to keep cash concealed in his fur. "I remember!" said the Wabbit and he whispered to Lapinette. "It's 3 5 7 9. It's in a song." "Two, four, six, eight, Motorway?" asked Wabsworth, who's hearing was second to none. "Now everyone knows." groaned the Wabbit, "and I have to change it." "I think I know where this idea's going," grinned Skratch. They turned to stare at him. "The Road to Hell," he purred ...
[Tom Robinson: 2-4-6-8 Motorway / 3-5-7-9 on a double white line]

3. The Wabbit and Idea Time

All day and through evening until late, Lapinette and the Wabbit scoured the city for the Wabbit's idea. They were going to call it a night when they caught sight of Skratch coming out of a kebab shop and they called to him. But at the same instant another object appeared just above his head. "Grab it Skratch!" called the Wabbit. "We're chasing it!" Skratch leapt high in the air and just got a paw to the edge. "Identify yourself," he screeched, "and be quick about it." "I'm the Wabbit's idea," said the object, "and it's time for me to be going." The object gradually faded then with a slight plop it disappeared. Skratch turned to the Wabbit. "What the devil is happening Wabbit? Is this a test?" The Wabbit shook his head ruefully. "It's my idea, it keeps vanishing." Lapinette chimed in. "It was a pillow, then bathroom scales and now it's a clock." Skratch gazed at the empty night. "Wabbit, how did it escape?" "I have no idea," said the Wabbit. "And you're chasing it?" asked Skratch. "That's the general idea," said Lapinette. "I'll help you look," said Skratch. The Wabbit smiled with relief. "Oh good, I had the same idea." Skratch smoothed his fur with both paws and flicked his tail. "This idea's time has come," he muttered.

2. Lapinette has a Good Idea

"Stop that thing!" shouted the Wabbit. Lapinette wasn't expecting to meet the Wabbit in the Metro, nor to see him in such a dramatic mood. But all the same she turned and when she did, she saw a strange object. "Who are you and what do you want?" she glared. The object merely smiled. "I'm the Wabbit's idea," it said. Then it faded and disappeared. Lapinette swiped around but there was nothing to grab, so she looked at the Wabbit sternly. "Are you up to something again, Wabbit?" "It says it's my idea and it's been eluding me all over the city," huffed the Wabbit. "It looks like bathroom scales," said Lapinette. "It keeps changing," sighed the Wabbit. "It was a pillow before." Lapinette thought for a good minute and the Wabbit thought he could hear her brain whirring. "Let's join forces," she decided," and we'll nail it." "Oh good," said the Wabbit and he grinned. "But should we entertain this particular idea?" "Let's be clear Wabbit," said Lapinette, "was it an idea or just a passing thought?" "It was the faintest glimmer of an idea," sighed the Wabbit." "Ideas are always in short supply," stated Lapinette firmly, "so when we catch up with it, we'll make it talk." "Good idea," surmised the Wabbit, "because once an idea has taken hold, it's impossible to get rid of it." "That makes our work easier," said Lapinette.

1. The Wabbit and the Vanishing Idea

The Wabbit was between adventures and that was a place he disliked. He had been hopping all over town desperately trying to think of an idea, when he finally arrived at Lingotto. It was a place where there was always something happening, so at first he took little notice of what he thought were new streetlamps. The Wabbit stopped in his tracks and thought hard. "These are giant lightbulbs," he said to himself, "and they're totally out of place." The Wabbit suddenly froze because he felt the germ of an idea dimly surface. "I think I have it ..!" But the moment the idea crystallised, it vanished. "Curses," said the Wabbit. "I'll try again." So he screwed up his eyes and wrinkled his nose and thought and thought. It took a full five minutes for anything to happen. Then a vague vestige of an idea seized him and he was just about to grab it, when it disappeared again. "Fiddlesticks!" thought the Wabbit. He was contemplating making one more attempt when he became aware of a floating creature to his left. "Who are you and what's your business?" he asked in a bad-tempered manner that was unlike him. "I'm your idea," said the creature. Suddenly, the creature laughed and waved at the Wabbit. But as the Wabbit reached to grasp the idea, it faded until nothing was left. "That's a dangerous idea," thought the Wabbit.

The Wabbit & the real Adventure Caffè

Lapinette was first to arrive and she'd been thinking. She knew the Wabbit wasn't telling the whole Orange Phantom story and surmised he had good reason. Nevertheless she decided to have some fun. "Oh Wabbit, that training mission was a good idea," she said. "We can all use a bit of practice." Now the Wabbit felt alarmed, but he heard Skratch coming and turned. "Skratch! What was that for a sort of adventure?" "Skratch had also been thinking and thought he'd have fun too. "It was very Twin Peaks by way of Blade Runner." Lapinette watched the Wabbit's face and when he smiled she pounced. "You like Twin Peaks don't you?" "Oh yes!" said the Wabbit, "it certainly challenged the TV rubric." Lapinette leaned back and let Skratch do the work. "I think Twin Peaks revolved around deception," he purred. "What do you think, Wabbit?" "It was baroque and labyrinthine," said the Wabbit cautiously. "But the fact that characters led double lives is insignificant." "I disagree, Wabbit," said Skratch. "It was a postmodern take on deception itself." The Wabbit squirmed. "I need a coffee," he said. "This," said Skratch, "is the Caffè Torino. There's no damned finer cup of coffee in Turin." "You know more than us, Wabbit," said Lapinette finally. "I think I know," gulped the Wabbit, "but sometimes my paws bend back."

The Wabbit at the Secret Caffè

In a secluded caffè that lay high on a hill overlooking Turin, the Wabbit held a special meeting with Wabsworth, his android double, and Marshall Duetta Spyder. He was first to arrive and somewhat impatient. So he tapped his paws in a fair imitation of Dave Brubeck's "Take Five" and watched his colleagues arrived from different directions - as instructed. "On with the work," said the Wabbit and he struck a glass with a fork. "You called the meeting, you start," said Duetta in her silky voice. "I want to start," interrupted Wabsworth, "because I'm a little unhappy with our subterfuge." Duetta was always happy with subterfuge. She shook her head. "Wabsworth," said the Wabbit. "It was of the utmost importance that everyone had realistic reactions." They all nodded gravely, so the Wabbit continued. "I want to know how our adventure looked to our enemies." "It looked most authentic," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit shrugged. "And that's why no-one was told,". Wabsworth sighed and stuck his paws in his fur, just like the Wabbit. "Our enemies will try to make contact with the Orange Phantoms," continued the Wabbit. "Which are departmental holograms!" said Wabsworth,. He brightened a little. "When will that be?" asked Duetta. "Not immediately," said the Wabbit. "They'll bide their time and so shall we." "When shall we inform the others?" asked Wabsworth. "When it's the most fun," smiled the Wabbit.

21. The Wabbit is taken by Surprise

Back on the ground, Wabsworth greeted his friends. But they seemed none too pleased. "What the binky is going on Wabsworth?" demanded the Wabbit. He pointed at Wabsworth and Lapinette pointed too. "What have you been up to?" "Its all official," said Wabsworth. "What do you mean, official?" screeched Ghost Bunny, "we were nearly destructivated!" Wabsworth cringed slightly. "It was a training programme. You all pass with flying colours." The Wabbit was aghast but the look on his face was nothing compared to Lapinette's. "What about the orange phantoms?" she said through gritted teeth. "Holograms," said Wabsworth. "The olives?" asked the Wabbit. "Drones," replied Wabsworth. "The crafts?" screeched Ghost Bunny. "DWA Space Programme III," sighed Wabsworth. They all seethed for a while. "OK, OK," said the Wabbit, calming down. "Wabsworth, who knew?" "Marshall Duetta," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit glanced over his shoulder to see Skratch in an angry conversation with Duetta and he adopted her silky smooth voice. "And who ordered the mission?" "Can't say," said Wabsworth. "Someone very high." The Wabbit drew close to Lapinette and whispered in a voice she knew well. "It might be someone high, but there's always someone higher."

20. Wabsworth brings them In

"This is Wabsworth in Ground Control. Come in Blue Craft." A puzzled Lapinette looked for something to speak into, then decided just to speak. "Copy you Wabsworth. All accounted for." There was rather a long pause. "Await further instructions." crackled the radio. Silence fell inside the craft as they watched Duetta's spiders surround the Olives and force them towards the surface. Out in space, Marshall Duetta Spyder picked up Wabsworth's signal. "What a pleasant surprise, Commander Wabsworth." Wabsworth grinned wryly although no-one could see him. "Marshall, please order your brigades to encircle and protect both blue and orange crafts." Duetta hovered gently as she sent out a telepathic signal. Immediately a dozen spider brigades converged on the crafts as they hurtled earthwards. The radio crackled again. "Marquesa, don't touch the controls, I'm bringing you in remotely." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit, the Wabbit glanced at Skratch the Cat then they all looked at Ghost Bunny. "By all the Ghosts of Pluto, I swear this was nothing to do with me," she breathed. "I suppose we'll find out when we land," said the Wabbit and he shrugged. "Do you think they have supplies on this ship?" wondered Lapinette. "What kind of supplies?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm a little thirsty," said Lapinette. The Wabbit laughed. "This is a ship after all," he said. "So we just have to find the cocktail cabinet."

19. The Wabbit and the Bay Door

Inside the blue craft, the Orange Phantom shouted loudly and tried to twist out of Skratch's grip. But Skratch had learned well from Puma and refused to release his prey. With a sudden sigh, the Phantom's wings detached, his cloak deflated and his head floated in the air. "Now!" shouted the Wabbit. "Everyone hang on!" yelled Lapinette and she span a wheel. Air hissed as a bay door opened and blue light pierced the craft. With a shove of his paw and a kick of his leg, Skratch sent what remained of the Orange Phantom spiralling into space - and straight into the grasp of Duetta's Red Spiders. "Doors!" shouted the Wabbit. With lightning speed, Lapinette span the wheel in the other direction and the bay door hissed shut. For a moment all that could be heard was the faint hum of the craft's life support system. "Phew," said Skratch, sniffing his paws. "He was a wriggler. That could have been a sticky situation."  Lapinette looked for somewhere to wipe her paws. "It still is," she grimaced. A heavy smell of citrus hung everywhere and she shook her head. "I don't like fruit," she said. "Neither do I," said Skratch."I don't mind bananas," said the Wabbit, but everyone ignored him. He looked around. "Ghost Bunny, what about you? Oranges or bananas?" Ghost Bunny gave a wail. "They just don't appeal."