1. The Wabbit on Scorched Turf

Hot coals hurtled past the Wabbit's head. "I draw the line at flying combustion," grimaced the Wabbit and he pulled his radio from his fur. The air was electric and their ears rippled and jumped. Wabsworth checked around with a meter but results came up zero. The walkie-talkie was silent so the Wabbit struck it sharply with a paw. Nothing. The Wabbit switched to short wave. Now he could hear a faint voice. "This is the Department of Wabbit Affairs." There was a chime and a crackle. Then the voice spoke again. "This is the Department of Wabbit Affairs." "This," said Lapinette, "is getting on my nerves." "This," said the Wabbit, "sounds like an automatic transponder." Skratch swiped at burning embers and hissed. "This sounds like an emergency." Wabsworth was an android and he searched though data modules. The Wabbit looked at him. "Anything?" Wabsworth shrugged. "Nothing and a half." "It's nothing on earth then," said Lapinette, "this comes from off-planet." "A third force?" suggested the Wabbit. "Oh I lost count," sighed Skratch. Lightning flashed but the storm was silent, just waves of heat. "We need shelter and a thinking space," said the Wabbit. "I know where," said Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded then looked at the city. "No weapons. We don't know what we'll hop into." "We've got blue glasses and attitude," said Wabsworth.

The Wabbit's Blues Adventure Caffè

It wasn't as if they could just leave. The beeps didn't work like that. Everyone had to perform and so the Wabbit shrugged and took the stage. "One Two Three Four!" yelled Wabsworth who had mysteriously appeared with Skratch the Cat in tow. "Every-body! Every-body!" sang Skratch, "Every-body. Beeps some-body." The beeps swirled and circled and beeped wildly. "Glad so many of you could beep here tonight to alert us," shouted the Wabbit. "We all need a warning and someone to be warned by our side." A cacaphony of delighted beeps bounced from the walls. Lapinette grabbed the Wabbit's paw. "Let's go. Let's get out while the getting is good." Wabsworth clapped his paws. Skratch set up a devastating riff. The atmosphere was electric. If beeps had feet they would have stomped - but they kept time to Wabsworth's clapping. Repetitive solid beeps shook the building while Skratch's paws picked and slid notes between them. Now, Lapinette and the Wabbit were nearly out the door and none of the beeps had noticed. But outside didn't look promising. Anything but. They waited in the corridor until Skratch and Wabsworth finished. "Looked like you needed some notes," panted Skratch. The Wabbit had been rather impressed. "How many paws have you got?" "One less than I need," smiled Skratch. The Wabbit pushed the exit bar but a fierce wind slammed the door back with a terrible crash. "We need all the paws we can get!" said Lapinette ...

6. The Wabbit and the Beepnik

"Looks like the scene is set to hop," said Lapinette. "Maxo," said the Wabbit in an attempt to sound cool. He poked cables around and made random connections. A deafening whine assaulted their ears. "Woopso," muttered the Wabbit and he made a few changes. "Beep, you dig the beep, Daddy-O!"  The Beep was agile for its shape and it advanced on Lapinette. "I'm hip to the Beep," said Lapinette and she stuck out a paw at an awkward angle. The Beep transmitted a rapid series of beeps and asked, "You the chirp?" Lapinette postured and threw shapes. "Get your glasses on!" Beeps streamed so fast they shrilled like a locomotive. The Beep turned to the Wabbit. "Message for you Pops." Up to this point, the Wabbit felt left out. His nose twitched imperceptibly. His ears wiggled. Then he shrugged dramatically. The beeps became musical and played a short tune. "I'm a beepin' out danger," beeped the Beep. "I'm a beepin' out warnin'." The Wabbit waited some time and the beeps became rhythmic. The Wabbit's question arrived like a hammer. "Why?" "It's my job," replied the Beep. "I'm an alert." "What's the warning for?" said Lapinette. The beeps became slow. "I don't know. You are now alerted. Enjoy the gig." Now they could hardly hear the beeps. The Wabbit made a few adjustments with some success and the beeps strengthened. Then the Wabbit had an idea. "Are you a small. medium or major alert?" The Beep beeped loudly. "Imminent threat ..."
[Chirp: female singer (slang)]

5. The Wabbit and the Blues Beepers

They chased the beeps through puddles but when the street dried they lost them. "What the..?" said the Wabbit. It was then they heard it. Floating through the air. These were softer beeps with more beeps to the bar. "Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep beep." A tall figure leaned forward, one of two characters on the corner. "Just musicians ma'am. No cause for alarm." They rubbed their eyes in amazement but the two singers were still there. Now it was a driving beep. The Wabbit's head started to nod and his feet began to tap. Lapinette found herself swaying and she just couldn't stop. The Wabbit rummaged and pulled a blues harmonica from his fur. Lapinette found an old microphone in her frock. "That beep beep beep," sang the Wabbit. "Knocks us off our feet," sang Lapinette. "We really had to leap," sang the Wabbit. "But we didn't dig the beep," warbled Lapinette. The Wabbit's harmonica wailed louder, then beeped and mysteriously stopped. "You got trouble?" asked the tall singer. The Wabbit nodded his head. "The beeps want something. We're chasin' the beeps." The singers chuckled and looked at each other. "Don't that beep all!" The Wabbit's grin was lopsided and the tall one took pity. "They're here, round the back," "It's the scene for beepniks," said the other. The Wabbit and Lapinette raced round the corner and out of sight. The musicians stared after them. "Was that the Blues Bunnies?"

4. The Wabbit and the Rainy Leap

The Wabbit had to take a decision and he thought it better be fast. He grabbed Lapinette by the fur and pushed her over the bridge. "Leap!" he yelled and then he leaped too. It was a long way but the sound of lashing rain covered the beeping and for a moment things seemed calm. Lapinette looked down. She picked a clear spot, adjusted her ears and spread out. The Wabbit squinted at the ground, scrunched his shoulders and started to roll in a ball. Their plummet seemed to take a while so the Wabbit thought about the beep and tried to figure what it wanted. Lapinette also tried to figure what the beep wanted. Then she mentally cancelled three appointments, replacing them with one at the furdressers. The ground approached.  Lapinette could hear it coming because every drop of rain that fell made a squelchy beep. The Wabbit hit the ground with a thud and rolled across the puddles. Lapinette threw her legs forward, her arms back and landed as gracefully as any seabird. The wind dropped but the clouds continued to throw rain. Liquid beeps filled the air and the old abandoned shopping centre echoed them. It was a raindrenched symphony that alerted the Wabbit to something and he tried to grasp its meaning. Suddenly the rain stopped and with it, the beeping. Lapinette saw the Wabbit's face. "Did you get it?" The Wabbit shook his head. The beeping started again. "The beep goes on," sighed the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit's Beep on the Bridge

High on the bridge it was windy but it was the quickest way. Lapinette grabbed her ears with one paw and held down her frock with the other. The Passerella Olimpica wasn't usually that bad but the wind carried a deafening beep that made them nervous. The Wabbit steadied Lapinette as gusts blew her right and left. "This isn't wind," yelled the Wabbit, "this is sound." The bridge swayed like a drunken pianist. Gale force beeps tore at their fur. The Wabbit shrugged as best he could, gritted his 28 teeth and ploughed on. "It's talking to us," he shouted. Lapinette managed a smile. "Have you been at the cooking whisky again?" The Wabbit thought briefly and decided it was a good idea. "Did you see the shapes?" "I saw some stuff," yelled Lapinette, "and that square nearly hit me in the eye." The Wabbit's ears looped back and flattened. "OK, there's your square, a saw, a sine, and ...." The Wabbit ducked as a triangle whirled past his head. Lapinette was sceptical. "You always have all the angles, Wabbit." The Wabbit agreed, but avoided saying so. "These beeps are nothing but trouble," he grumbled. Lapinette grabbed his fur. "I'll be glad to get off this thing!" The Wabbit looked into the distance and studied the end of the bridge. It looked perfectly calm and he frowned. "I think we're stuck." "Lapinette frowned too. "On this beeping bridge?" The Wabbit groaned and mimed a radio. "Beep us down, Scotty."

2. The Wabbit and the Beeping Exhibit

The beep came from the Art Gallery. It was well locked but that didn't seem to worry the Wabbit, who did something with a credit card and a nail file. Locks snapped open with three short beeps and lights flooded the hall. "Can you stop this infernal beeping?" said an Exhibit. The Wabbit hopped up to examine the upper structure, while Lapinette knelt to listen to a very small figure. But she couldn't hear him for beeps because her paws were beeping loudly. The Wabbit asked a question. "What about the audible alert?" Two eyes flared. "It came this way and beeped at us and now we're beeping too." "What was it like?" asked the Wabbit. The Exhibit gave a snort. "It's a beeping sound, it goes beep. Anyway, what's your name?" "I'm the Wabbit and this is Lapinette," replied the Wabbit. The Exhibit's eyes flickered. "Where are your tickets?" "We broke in," shrugged the Wabbit. "Excellent," said the Exhibit, "it's good someone came." The Wabbit's ears pricked up at at the sound of another alert. "Piezo-ceramic transducer," said Lapinette. "He's not our main beep." "We're knee deep in beeps," said the Wabbit. "Where can they all be going?" Suddenly Lapinette bent close to the small creature and listened. "I got a lead. A place where beeps hang out."

1. The Wabbit and the Unwanted Alert

The Wabbit couldn't sleep. An audible alert kept sounding and he couldn't find it anywhere. He searched his wardrobe to track down all radio devices and found some he couldn't remember he had. But the annoying alert kept going. He examined clocks, computers, cooking appliances and cameras and they all started to beep too. The microwave, food mixer, toaster and kettle joined in. But they weren't exactly the same beep and the source of the original alert remained elusive. "Where the Binky is it?" muttered the Wabbit. He put his coat on, lifted two radios that he judged had the most authentic beep - and made his way to the street. By this time he was bad-tempered and he barely heard Lapinette scampering up with a beeping radio. "Wabbit, what's this alert? Even my fur drier is beeping." The Wabbit moved his head away from the radios. "They're not really beeps. They're analog. They're a recording of beeps." Lapinette was irritable. "Why? My automatic is beeping. My make up case is beeping. Everything is beeping." "It's a warning, copying itself to all your devices," said the Wabbit. "I know it's a warning!" yelled Lapinette, "but I want to be de-beeped!" "Maybe if we find out what the alert is for," murmured the Wabbit, "we can disable it." Lapinette's ears swivelled and focussed. "I can hear it now. And it seems to be moving." "Let's follow it, " said the Wabbit, "or we'll never get a wink of bleep."

The Wabbit's Hallowe'en Surprise

It was Hallowe'en and the moon stared relentlessly down on the old abandoned power station, where they'd arranged to meet at midnight for a Hallowe'en party. The Wabbit thought it seemed more desolate than usual and he gingerly took a step down the iron staircase. "Hello?" he shouted. It wasn't much of a shout, more of a loud whisper that crept along the railings and vanished. It was then that he made out the shape. It looked like a large rabbit with an axe and the Wabbit's heart lurched. "The Bunnyman!" He stepped back up the staircase. The Bunnyman's claws rasped along the axe shaft until they made a metal chink at the top. The Wabbit shuddered. "Monsters are real," he muttered and felt in his fur for a weapon. All could find was a dangly skeleton from the supermarket and a bit of black bun that had seen better days. The Wabbit kept calm. "He doesn't come until midnight. Only then can he dismember us all." From some distance away he heard faint church bells and he counted them. It was midnight. But the Wabbit heard something else too. It was just a movement but curiosity proved too much. He hopped down the steps. Eyes looked at him from everywhere and a deep voice spoke. "Push the Bunnyman, push him now!" "I'll get him!" yelled the Wabbit and he took a running jump and kicked him. With a crump and a clatter the figure fell over and the Wabbit blinked. It was a life size cardboard cut-out of himself. "That'll teach him!" yelled the Wabbit.

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

Conversation flew at the Adventure Caffè and by the time Skratch the Cat arrived, things were heated. "Question!" demanded Lapinette. She raised a paw like she'd seen in music promos. "How could Moloch be a small creature? He was never on Quantum's shuttle flights." Skratch waited silently but he knew no-one was going to ask him the question - so he answered it himself. "It was narrative non-linearity!" No one heard him so he raised his voice. "The adventure challenges the format of our stories and invites a different point of view!" Everyone looked round. "Oh hello Skratch," said the Wabbit, "I ordered you an aperitivo." Skratch looked fixedly at Moloch. "Moloch, how do you fit in to that seat?" Moloch's tummy swelled enormously. Then he laughed fit to burst and nearly did. "I discovered I could change sizes to fit into stories." His tummy rumbled and swelled again. The Wabbit waved for food and asked his own question. "How is everyone feeling after we merged?" "I don't feel different at all. Is there any beer?" said Lapinette. The Wabbit looked with horror because he knew Lapinette hated beer. "You need reprogramming," he sighed. "How does that work?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit adopted a serious expression. "Every time you ask for beer, I give you prosecco." "Oh the pain," smiled Lapinette.

6. The Wabbit's Creature Like Him

The Wabbit's nose was blocked again and he wheezed a bit. A movement disturbed him and he plucked a small creature from his fur. The creature looked just like him. It was shouting but its voice was so faint, he could barely hear it. He choked back a sniffle and bent forward. Now he could hear the odd word. "Danger, warning!" cried the creature. "Doom, annihilation." "What kind of danger?" murmured the Wabbit softly. To the creature this sounded like thunder, but he persisted in talking. The Wabbit tried very hard to hear as the creature that looked like him launched into a long explanation. He spoke urgently of antimatter and various kinds of particles of which the Wabbit had no knowledge whatsoever.  But the creature that looked like him was convincingly convincing and the Wabbit's fur stood on end. The substance of his story was an unfortunate saga of shuttle mishaps that had left particles of the Wabbit's fur all along the dust trail of the mighty Sombrero Galaxy. The Wabbit's fur was a cunning interweaving of real fur and antimatter, which allowed him to carry an extraordinary amount of kit entirely weightlessly. So this was unfortunate indeed. The Wabbit tried to speak quietly and his voice was more of a snuffle than a sniffle. "Whatsh the sholution?" "We all have to merge," said the creature. Now the Wabbit felt upset. He was beginning to like the creature that looked like him. "Will we be different?" "Better," said the creature. The Wabbit immediately turned and shouted. "Embrace the creatures!" But it was already happening ...

5. The Wabbit & the Believable Dome

The dome looked good and the Wabbit hoped it worked as well as it looked. All around him, miniature versions of himself and his team steadily advanced, making no noise whatsoever, not even tiny scuttling. The silence was overwhelming. The Wabbit dived after Lapinette and shouted. "What do we do inside?" Lapinette loped to the shelter. "Breathing space." "What the binky are these things up to?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette was nearly at the dome. "Each time they copy us, they use a bit of our DNA," she panted. ""Eventually there will be thousands of them - and nothing left of us." "Mother of Mercy!" screamed Moloch. "Is this the end of Moloch?" The Wabbit flicked one away but it made four copies of his paw and they all waved. "They're tap dancing on my nerves," shouted the Wabbit, "where's the door?" "It doesn't have a door," shouted Lapinette. "You have to believe you can go through it." With that she vanished and reappeared inside. Moloch beat his chest. "I am the Great Moloch!" He folded his arms and in an instant he was peering out from the safety of the dome. But the Wabbit shook his head. In these circumstances he only knew one effective way to get in. He took a long run and with a yell of "Open says me!" he viciously kicked the sphere. Inside, he picked himself up and limped across to look at his reflection. "That never fails," he nodded.

4. The Wabbit and the Stairway Copy

"Quickly," shouted Lapinette.  "They're coming." When they'd got the message, the Wabbit and Moloch had rushed to the Old Tower. As they panted up the steps they felt their heads clear. But although the Wabbit could scamper up anything, he hated steep. "What's going down?" he barked. "Wabbit," said Lapinette curtly. "Did you leave a model helichopper in Quantum's cab?" "On a shelf," sighed the Wabbit. "Near the filters?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit didn't have to nod. Lapinette urged them up the stairs. "These creatures are shape shifters, they copy what they fancy." "Well I hope they don't fancy Moloch," laughed the Wabbit. Moloch's wings spread in the narrow stairway. "I am one of a kind," said Moloch, "No-one would dare." The Wabbit caught something in the corner of an eye and growled. "They can really copy living things?" Lapinette became exacerbated. "We don't know. Get a move on. I want to get this door shut." "They do stay small, don't they?" asked the Wabbit and he edged up the wall. "No-one knows," hissed Lapinette. "Hurry up!" The Wabbit glanced back, narrowed his eyes and thought that it might be too late. But it was the only idea he had. "Moloch can you make a bit of breeze with your wings?" "Direction?" smiled Moloch. "Four o'clock low," murmured the Wabbit. Moloch's wings swivelled with precision and a hurricane blasted the stairway. "Go, go, go ...!" yelled Lapinette.

3. The Wabbit and Stardust Souvenirs

Even though he was groggy, the Wabbit met Quantum's shuttle from the Sombrero Galaxy as arranged. Quantum swam into view around about one o'clock and dropped into Pluto Park. Even though he was a famous monster, Moloch was astonished. "How much transhport have you got, Wabbit?" he snivelled.  The Wabbit did his best to grin. His fur was damp and his nose was red and his head felt like a balloon. Skratch called down from the cab. "Is here OK, Commander?" The Wabbit noticed movement and he scanned Quantum from tip to tail. The entities were small but brightly coloured and one came close to Moloch's face. "Achsplash groo," sneezed Moloch. The ground shook. "Hey Shkratch," yelled the Wabbit, "you brought pashengers." Skratch looked up and down. "I don't see anything!" At that moment an entity landed on his head, right between his ears. Skratch started to itch and his eyes watered like fountains. "Did you schtop anywhere unushual, Shkratch?" shouted the Wabbit through his nose. "We followed the dusht lane," sniffled Skratch. "and we only shtopped to clean our filters." The Wabbit shrugged wearily. "Shomething happened." Skratch thought for a second. "We saw a pair of shumthings wink near the black hole." "A wink?" questioned Moloch sagely and he paused to swipe an entity that got in hs eye. "That's allmoasht ash good as a nod."

2. The Wabbit & the Sneeze on Wheels

Things went from bad to worse. The Wabbit could feel every sinus channel known to rabbits. Moloch had a monster sinus and he was stuffed. "Thish is terrible," said the Wabbit. "Monstroush," snivelled Moloch. It was at this juncture they both heard the noise. "Jid you hear an Ah?" asked Moloch. "It shertainly ish an Aaaah," agreed the Wabbit. Buildings shook and tortured metal shrieked. "I didn't like the shound of dat," said Moloch and half turned. It came without warning like a thief in the night. "Itch not going to shtop," yelled the Wabbit and he jumped out the way. "I gave thish short of thing up," shouted Moloch and he followed the Wabbit. It was a tram all right but entirely composed of a cloudy scalding vapour that cleaned the street as it went. "Aaaaaahhh!" it wailed. "Aaaaaaah!" The Wabbit knew there was more to come and he said it under his breath. "Choo?" The tram flashed past and they felt its fiery breath. "Aaaaaaaah Chooooooo!" Traffic lights shattered. Shop windows blew out and scattered goods far and wide. Moloch had closed his eyes. "Ish it gone yet?" The Wabbit was somewhat muffled. "For ush ..  yesh," Moloch strained to hear because his ears had clogged up. Moloch looked as woebegone as the Wabbit felt in his fur. "Would you like a pashtille?" Moloch croaked, "I like shinnamon loshenges."

1. The Wabbit and the Big Sneeze

The Wabbit was at a loose end and when he was at a loose end he loped around the city fretting. But he took an alleyway off Via Garibaldi and found himself in a square. There were lot of squares in Turin, but this one had vague advertising signs. And although the Wabbit looked at them for some time, he couldn't figure out what they were for. "Hello Wabbit!" said a voice. "Moloch!" smiled the Wabbit. The Wabbit was secretly pleased because he felt he could use some company. "What's this for?" He indicated the sign with Moloch's picture and asked, "Are you having a monster promotion?" Moloch shook his considerable head. "Nothing to do with me, I have my hands full." They both pondered but were suddenly interrupted. "Achoo!" "Bless you," said the Wabbit." "It wasn't me," said Moloch, "I thought it was you, Wabbit." "Achoo!" The Wabbit looked around. "There it is again," Then he felt his nose tickle. "Achoooo," blasted the Wabbit. Small pieces of paper skittered along the paving, driven by the force. Moloch put his massive hand over his massive mouth. "Yaaaagh chook" he yelled. They both turned and looked at the sign. "Yak choo choo!" The sign rocked from side to side and spoke. "I can't help it. There's something in the air." The Wabbit sniffed. His nose began to tickle and the back of his throat felt dry. "I don't like the feel of this," he coughed. "Let's investigate," said Moloch, who's eyes were beginning to stream. " Before someone catches something," spluttered the Wabbit ...

The Wabbit's Adventure Caffè

Skratch was late but everyone waited for him. "Skratch! At last," said the Wabbit. "We couldn't possibly start without you." Skratch waved a paw and laughed. "You're expecting me to ask the question!" Lapinette and Red Rabbit smirked at each other but the Wabbit kept a straight face. "The question is this. What kind of adventure were we in?" "Well, if we don't ask the question, we'll never know," said Skratch. "I know," said Red Rabbit. "It was a thriller and it was predicated upon questions of captivity and escape." "Ah," said Skratch, "the audience hoped things would be OK and feared it woudn't." "Ahem," said Lapinette, who was trying to intervene without success. "The background of paranoia places the adventure in the noir category with a clear reference to Orson Welles." The Wabbit tapped the table. "In this, symbolism was critical. The Paws of Darkness connoted an underground force with inescapable values. No one can break free." "We broke free," said Red Rabbit. There was silence for a minute. The Wabbit nodded. "But we had a moral code of mythic proportions." "And the Three Fates to help us," said Skratch, "but ... " "But what?" asked the Wabbit. Skratch sighed. "But we meet our destiny on the path we take to escape it." Lapinette thought for quite a while. "So what is our destiny?" It was the Wabbit's turn to think and then he smiled. "To keep having adventures of course!"

9. The Wabbit and the Far off Temple

They all blinked in the fierce sun. And it was hot. Very very hot. The air smelled of drying rabbit fur, which was tangy to say the least. The thousand red rabbits hopped around ancient Greek temples and searched for grapes and figs. "We have the gift of Aphrodite," said Magic Red Rabbit. "Oh really," said the Wabbit observing steam rising from his fur. "Fertility," said Lapinette. "Was that what the Paws of Darkness wanted?" This was speculation rather than a question. "Well, it wasn't sweet, sweet loving," quipped the Wabbit. "Are they completely destroyed?" asked Skratch the Cat. "Their kind never are," said Jenny sadly and she tilted her hat in the glare of the sun. "What's that smell?" sniffed Skratch. "Just a passing wind," said the Wabbit, pointing a paw to the horizon. There wasn't a breath of wind and they gasped in the heat. "Shall we hang around here and bake?" said Lapinette. "Or shall we get a drink?" The Wabbit turned to Magic Red Rabbit. "You're supposed to be magic." "It's a courtesy title," said Red Rabbit, "but I can do tricks." Such as?" smiled the Wabbit. "I can take things out of hats," said Red Rabbit. The Wabbit looked round at Jenny who shook her head vigorously. "I never take my hat off!" she exclaimed. It was at that moment that Tipsy called from the roof of the temple. "I can see a bar!" "Is the bar far?" asked the Wabbit. "Not as far as I can see," shouted Tipsy. "So far so good," said the Wabbit. And they all laughed and laughed and laughed.

8. The Wabbit and the Depth Charges

The sounds were like hisses. The kind a soda bottle makes when the cap comes off fast. The Wabbit knew the sounds and he felt his paws sting. "What the Wopsie ..?" said Magic Red Rabbit. Lapinette thought Red Rabbit had been with them too long. "Get ready," she said. "If they can come down, then we can go up." Magic Red Rabbit stared at Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy. "What are these things they're carrying?" "SubRocks," said the Wabbit. "If these go down, then we'll all go up fast!" Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy dropped from the ropes and pointed at everyone. "All. Up!" shouted Tipsy. "Go doodly go!" shouted Mitzy. Fitzy placed the depth charges in the water, turned dials and yelled. "Boom Boxes Away!" The wakes the charges left looked like shark fins as they sped up the cavern. "Good grief," muttered the Wabbit in horror and they all hopped for the ropes. A thousand red rabbits sped after them and they could certainly climb. Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy grabbed the ropes and shimmied roofwards like ferrets up a drainpipe. They were all near the top when they heard a low rumbling. Then water convulsed as three explosions turned the underground lake into a liquid fireball. In the distance they heard some kind of awful shrieking and momentarily covered their ears with whatever paws were available. "Fuzzywig!" said the Magic Red Rabbit.

7. The Wabbit Under Ground

"If there's a way in," said the Wabbit, "there's a way out." It was a Stygian space and the Wabbit half expected a ferryman. So he rummaged in his fur for his emergency coin and splashed through the waters in search of an exit sign. Of the three, it was Magic Red Rabbit that looked determined. With a thousand red rabbits following, he felt responsible and refused to be scared. But Lapinette scowled. "What about Plan B?" She was damp and cold and had no fur drier to paw. The Wabbit smiled with fake cheer. "The team has our coordinates." "Can they track under ground?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit wasn't certain but didn't say. Water ran down the pillars. It wasn't a torrent but its level in the cavern was getting deeper. "Humidity sullies my fur," muttered the Wabbit. Lapinette said nothing but she knew her fur would shortly look like dreadlocks. Then Magic Red Rabbit's ears did something strange. "I can hear something." "Stop!" said the Wabbit. Behind him, four thousand paws came to a sudden standstill. Lapinette listened but could only hear the steady drip of dank water. Red Rabbit looked from left to right and straight up. "I heard someone swear." The Wabbit couldn't hear a thing and he shook his head. "What kind of swearing?" "Polite swearing," said Red Rabbit. "Like 'shoot the fruit'?" offered Lapinette. Red Rabbit nodded. "They're here!" whispered the Wabbit. He was about to shout when Lapinette put a paw to her lips for silence. Nodding, he pulled a small bottle of prosecco from his fur, opened it and sprinkled it around. "Emergency Beacon," he whispered.

6. Skratch, Jenny and Wabbit Plan B

It had been a quiet night in the little town. But a radio crackled and that was all it took. A squadron of the Wabbit's private guard poured from the sky casting shadows that looked like giant locusts. Lapinette's personal guards - Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy - checked weapons and looked around in a hostile fashion. "Gosh," said Mitzy. "Fiddlesticks," said Fitzy. Tipsy said something unmentionable and swayed alarmingly. "I have a lock on their coordinates," said Skratch the Cat. "Distance?" asked Jenny. "Ten klicks," said Skratch, "but the facility is below ground." "Sheeps' shibblets, we need ropes," said Mitzy and she tore several rectangular strips from her frock. "The squadron has ropes," smiled Jenny. Skratch growled. "A coded message from the Wabbit said there were more than a thousand red rabbits kidnapped and held in a dark place." Jenny looked sceptical but Skratch nodded. "It was written on the back of a betting slip, crumpled and thrown on the sidewalk." Jenny waved her hook and sighed. "Did this message say who did the dirty deed?" "Something about the Paws of Darkness," said Skratch. "Ah!" said Jenny. "What kind of Ah?" answered Skratch. "It's an organisation," said Jenny. Skratch looked puzzled "Not real paws then?" "They're real enough." said Jenny. "Those whom the Paws touch are forever in bondage." "Son of a Sausage!" gasped Fitzy. "Double deep fry them for their trouble," snapped Mitzy. Tipsy spat out a series of expletives that made Jenny's fur stand on end.  Skratch looked first at Mitzy, then Fitzy, Finally his eyes lingered on Tipsy and he purred. "You three are going in first."

5. The Wabbit in the Lair of the Paws

"Whoah!" yelled the Wabbit as he grabbed what he could. "Yikes!" shouted Lapinette. Lapinette had trained at the Marinsky Ballet and had no trouble with a foothold. But she'd also seen the dank shape of evil paws and didn't like the cut of their jib one bit.  Magic Red Rabbit balanced precariously on a strut and peered down.  A row of eyes peered back. "There they are," he cried. "There are all the red rabbits." The hall of struts darkened and a voice boomed out. "Now you're trapped with the rest. You'll be here until the end of time." The Wabbit shook his head and looked up. "This isn't Amtrak! Get us off the rails and release our friends." Suddenly the framework sagged and the Wabbit looked down. A pit of spikes pointed back so he held on tight. Lapinette whispered. "Do you have a plan?" "I have a Plan B," said the Wabbit, "so what time is it?" The voice boomed from the heights of the framework. "It's later than you think, rancid rabbits."  "That's good," whispered the Wabbit to Lapinette, "help is already on its way." "What shall we do in the meantime?" asked Lapinette. "Insult them back," suggested the Wabbit. Lapinette thought for a moment then glanced up. "Your paws need pruning." Magic red rabbit joined in the fray. "Sore hocks, sore hocks!" "You've all got the monkey pox," yelled the Wabbit. It was as if an earthquake struck. The building shook and the framework with it. "We'll make you wish you'd never been born!" boomed the voice. "That's nothing new," yelled the Wabbit. And he checked the time ...
[sore hocks: ulcerative pododermatitis is a condition in rabbits usually affecting feet.]

4. The Wabbit in the Hall of Darkness

In the blast wave that came with the howl, the Wabbit did something special. He murmured something no-one could hear and his blue glasses lit with an incandescent glow. A scene emerged that was far different from the space they'd occupied. "The Hall of Darkness!" gasped the red rabbit. "I couldn't be bothered to knock," shrugged the Wabbit. The magic red rabbit stared at the door at the end of the Hall and gasped. "This is the stuff of fable." Lapinette smiled. "The Wabbit's fable manners are far from perfect." Together they hopped forward but the closer they got, the louder the howling became. It was a combination of malice and menace that chilled the air to ice. "Air conditioning?" quipped the Wabbit. A voice boomed through the pillars. "We can smell you, rabbits. Come no further." The Wabbit's glasses glowed intensely and warmed the chill. "Release the red rabbits and their songs," he yelled. Stone and plaster fell from the roof and crashed to the floor. "Puny creatures," boomed the voice. "Give us the red rabbit and we'll let you go." The Wabbit's 28 teeth gleamed like swords. "Open the door or we'll open it ourselves." "How will you do that?" sneered the voice. The Wabbit delved into his fur, grasped an object and shouted with all his might. "This will take the door from it's hinges and you with it." In the silence that followed, a series of clicks sounded like thunder. The door swung open. "Explosives?" asked Lapinette. "Swiss army knife," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit in the Paws of Darkness.

With the Magic Red Rabbit in tow, they set out in pursuit of the Paws of Darkness. Shadows loomed from everywhere but the Wabbit stared remorselessly forward as they hopped. "They appear without warning like footpads in the night," said the red rabbit. "When they strike, there is no more light." "We'll see them first," growled the Wabbit. "No-one ever has," sighed the red rabbit. "I know how," said the Wabbit. The red rabbit glanced at Lapinette and she spoke in a reassuring voice. "You need to trust the Wabbit." The red rabbit glanced back to the Wabbit and the Wabbit spoke cheerfully. "We need to sing." Lapinette nodded. "Do you know any songs?" The red rabbit shook his head. "The Paws of Darkness took all our songs and hid them in a cave." "We'll make one up," said the Wabbit. "I'll start." The Wabbit began to sing in a sonorous tone that bounced from the alley walls. "Wha' saw the Paws of Darkness? Wha' saw them run away?"  Lapinette joined in. "Wha' saw the Paws of Darkness? Hunt them down and make 'em pay!" "I like that," said the Magic Red Rabbit. "Your turn," said the Wabbit. The red rabbit sang in a squeaky voice. "We'll pursue the Paws of Darkness, pursue them 'til their tired and grey. We will smite the Paws of Darkness. We'll defeat them come what may." "That's the spirit," said the Wabbit. But it was then that they heard it. A banshee howl that came from nowhere and split the night in two. "Good grief!" muttered the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit - Source of the Squeak

The squeak was hard to follow but gradually the darkness of the outskirts gave way to a plaza. Yet as light unfolded so did the deafening sound of splashing water. "It’s only a stone fish," said Lapinette. The fountain was extremely loud. “A bone dish,” muttered the Wabbit, “no problem then.” He hopped closer to the gaping mouth of the big fish and noticed the rider seemed to have a pistol. Then he hopped closer because he'd caught a flash of a fishy tongue. "A fish has no tongue," said Lapinette. "This one has," replied the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed. "Try talking to it." "OK," shrugged the Wabbit and he called into the fish mouth. "I'm just a tourist." He saw a flash of red so he added an explanation. "Just passing through your little town!" The Wabbit waited for a small red creature to emerge and after a while it spoke. "Show me your paws." The Wabbit held up both paws. "Brown paws are good," said the small red rabbit, "black paws are bad." The Wabbit thought if he waited, he might get an explanation. "The Paws of Darkness destroyed us all," said the rabbit. "I am the last of the Magic Red Rabbits - and forever doomed to be pursued." Lapinette turned. "Maybe you could you could use a helping paw?" The Magic Red Rabbit squeaked softly. "How can you possibly help me?" The Wabbit's ears quivered in such a manner that light gusts scattered water to and fro. Lapinette knew he was annoyed so she was unsurprised when the Wabbit's 28 teeth flashed like neon. "We will pursue your pursuer." The Magic Rabbit shivered and squeaked. "Abandon hope ..."

1.The Wabbit and the Moonlit Landing

With all the stealth that its diesel engine could muster, the Lepus crept in to a small bay near Marina di Modica and lay still. A casual moon beamed quietly on two figures as they waded ashore. The Wabbit cursed silently as a chunk of driftwood bit a paw and Lapinette cast an eye along the beach. "Not much here." The Wabbit widened his view but only saw provisional shapes. "They don't advertise." The thrum from the Lepus died. "Jenny's finished with engines," murmured Lapinette. "Eight bells and all's well," said the Wabbit. Lapinette's Snazer whined like a hundred mosquitoes. The Wabbit's Snazer had three main settings - confound, astonish and blow away - but Lapinette had developed another. He recognised the overwhelm setting and nodded. "I'm uncertain what the Paws of Darkness look like." "Gloomy?" suggested Lapinette. The Wabbit pricked up his ears and listened. "I can hear them." Lapinette knew better than to question the Wabbit's logic. She hopped out of the water and her ears swung right then left. "I can hear something else." The Wabbit waited while Lapinette made a judgement. "Something squeaky that way ran." "Did it have a colour? asked the Wabbit. "I couldn't hear its colour," answered Lapinette. High on the mast, the skull and crossbones snapped and crackled in the windless air. A hot chill rippled through the Wabbit's fur and he shouldered his Snazer. "Let's hop to the grid coordinates." Behind, the moon and the Lepus shimmered and disappeared as the night swallowed them both.

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

They met at the Safe Adventure Caffè and despite the fuzzy warmth of the dining room, their mood was sombre. Skratch the Cat knew he was expected to ask the question so he did. "What was that for an epic adventure?" "Dangerous and uncertain," frowned Lapinette. "Like life," observed Wabsworth. The Wabbit had been waiting. "I simply cannot instruct you to be on this next mission. I need volunteers." "I think there's a queue," said Skratch. The Wabbit managed a half smile while Lapinette spoke softly. "Where love is concerned, it's not a matter of volunteering." They listened to plates and cutlery rattling in the kitchens and the Wabbit sniffed. But food aromas failed to mask the scent of menace. "So who's on board this mystery train?" Wabsworth took a list from his fur. "Everyone we have." "I told you so," said Skratch. The Wabbit nodded but it was a question. "Intel?" "Slight," said Wabsworth. "Cloaking technology?" asked the Wabbit. "Purely optical, but in place," replied Wabsworth. "Location?" asked the Wabbit. "Hypothetical," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit sighed. "It'll have to do."  Wabsworth grinned. "We have isotope signatures from the Murmurants." The Wabbit thought long and hard. "We will appear as tourists." Wabsworth searched for a camera. Skratch guffawed and looked aimlessly around. Lapinette fidgeted for a map and drawled, "Kin you point me to the centre of town?"

15. The Wabbit : Reflectance of Light

If the Wabbit knew one thing, he knew about light. And intelligence suggested the Murmurants were crazy about pyramid tea bags. So he glided into the interrogation corridor on invisible leaves. The Murmurants tried to take up his colour but the light was average and they felt extreme discomfort. The Wabbit's eyes flashed with sudden brightness. "I don't care about you. Tell me of your technology." Murmurants writhed in the average light. "We can't!" The Wabbit's eyes flashed again and his ears swayed. "Can't or won't?" Grey tone drained from a Murmurant. "It's called furtive fur." Light from the Wabbit fell with an average edge. "How?" he snapped.  A Murmurant sagged. "With a quantum honeycomb lattice." The Wabbit's eyes grew grey until they almost vanished. "Aaagh," cried a Murmurant. "His light has no direction. I can't get a fix." "Details now!" snapped the Wabbit. "The light bends towards us, then we reflect it back," gasped a Murmurant. "Our fur is made of quantum dots. Where the light goes, we go." The Wabbit smiled. "OK.  Now you're free to go." "Go where?" trembled a Murmurant. "The Canteen," shrugged the Wabbit, "for light refreshments." As they turned to go, the Wabbit yelled. "One more thing!" They shivered in the grip of the Wabbit's stare. "Who do you work for?" The Murmurants shuddered. "They call them The Paws of Darkness ..."

14. The Wabbit's Lucky Fireteam

"I need to capture some Murmurants," said the Wabbit. Wabsworth's eyes scoured the rooftops and he waited. "I need them in reasonably good shape," added the Wabbit. Wabsworth was the Wabbit's android double, but much had passed under the bridge since he was made. So his question was more of a statement. "You want their technology?" "Can you tweak it?" asked the Wabbit. Wabsworth pointed his snazer gun at a window. "I can. But I could use some time and luck." Khargoosh took in his half reflection in a the caffè glass. "You can't escape luck," he muttered in Arabic. The Wabbit laughed. "Then time is our only problem." Lapinette stared into the distance. The city was quietly waiting with not a soul around to keep it company. No trams, no buses, no smell of coffee. Lapinette's snazer suddenly whined as it charged. "I saw movement." Khargoosh screwed up his eyes and peered past Lapinette. "I can see shapes. They're moving like they're injured." The whine from Wabsworth's snazer pierced the summer air and he turned. "Perhaps someone gave them a kicking." The Wabbit kept his eyes forward and powered his snazer to maximum. "Then surely ... they require assistance." Lapinette slipped her edged weapon from a back pocket. "Let's take them to a place of safety and look after them." "Lucky rabbits," said Khargoosh.

13. The Wabbit marshals the Troops

The Wabbit knew that Wabbit Con was out of control. Certainly the team could hear sporadic small arms fire in the distance as rival factions warred. "It's time," said the Wabbit, "to put a stop to this." With breathtaking speed, four hundred rabbits loped through the streets. At 150 hops per minute, the sound of the Wabbit's elite guard was deafening. Specialist units broke away and fire teams poured through side streets in pursuit of trouble. "I need intel," said Lapinette. The Wabbit had to shout. "The Murmurants are sponsored by rabbit pure-breed supremacists called BLU." "Never heard of them," shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit shook his head. "Suddenly they had resources. They came looking for us." Wabsworth yelled across. "BLU is using the Murmurants to discredit us. It calls us the Jambalaya." The Wabbit scowled. He slid a magazine into his automatic and yelled. "We need to take them in." Lapinette placed a paw on her favourite edged weapon. "Any ideas?" "Our agent, Major Spitlove, found their weakness," said the Wabbit. "They'll do anything for teabags," "Pyramid teabags," shouted Wabsworth. "They say they're the purest." The Wabbit checked his bandolier. "That's how they set the Comic Con bomb. They used a vast array of LED tea lights." Being a rabbit, Lapinette was unable to spit. But she made a valiant attempt and grimaced. "Ruffians!"

12. Tipsy and the Zui Quan Approach

Round the corner, Tipsy was waiting. When her radio made the faintest crackle, she took a sip from her glass and lurched. "Hello boys." She staggered to the right, then the left, then stood where she'd been before. Her eyes swirled as she swayed and for a moment she seemed to trip and fall - but she was still on her feet. Her paw clutched her glass tightly and she held it up. "There's a lovely little caffè across the street," she murmured. "Won't someone buy me an ickle dwink?" The Murmurants shifted uneasily. "Go round her," said one. Another tried to move past but she staggered in his path. Every time they made a move, Tipsy was there. A chorus of annoyance echoed round the concourse as the Murmurants shared a secret signal and started to draw on the colours and shapes of the scene. Yet the more they tried to alter themselves, the more Tipsy staggered. No matter what they did, they just couldn't get a fix on the drunken rabbit and the strain was showing. So they gathered together for strength and tried harder. It all happened as they were mid way into a solid transition. Tipsy's jump was sudden. A giant foot slammed forward and a neck cracked like rotten wood. Her leg swept round in a ragged arc. Heads bounced along the concourse and rolled to a stop. It was over so quickly that Tipsy shrugged and hopped forward across the street. "I'll buy my own drink," she grunted.

[Zui quan (Chinese: 醉拳) is Drunken Kung Fu. It's the general name for all styles of Chinese martial arts that imitate a drunkard.]

11. The Wabbit and the Special Ticket

The Wabbit had information from somewhere, so the team followed him to a small arena. It was full of what looked like Murmurants - although it was hard to be certain. They seemed to glimmer in the light and change costumes - then disappear and reappear. But they had a voice. "Impostors!" shouted the crowd. "And you're not the real Wabbit. Your ears aren't right." The Wabbit hopped forward. "I might be an impostor," he yelled. "But you might just be unlucky and I'm the real deal." The crowd murmured threateningly as the Wabbit held up a card. "This is printed with explosive ink and it could blow us all to Kingdom Come." A Murmurant dressed as Lapinette nudged another. "That's got to be him, so let's get out!" A trickle of Murmurants quietly left, followed by others. "So if you're feeling lucky," continued the Wabbit, "you could hang around and see what transpires." More Murmurants left. "On the other paw," continued the Wabbit, "this could be an ordinary ticket that admits the bearer to all exhibits, functions and hospitality." The Wabbit's bared his teeth. "... in which case I'm going to raffle it. Who'll be the first to test the ticket?" More Murmurants made their way to the exits until only one figure remained. "Perhaps you, Major Spitlove?" grinned the Wabbit. The Wabbit's double agent grinned back. "Was that a trick, Commander?" The Wabbit flicked a nail lightly across the card and dropped it. As it fell, it began to glow and they all started to run.

10. The Wabbit and the Worthless Idol

The team made its way out of the Giant Wabbit. But at every corner the Wabbit tucked something into niches, crevices, fissures and crannies. Wabsworth nudged Skratch the Cat. "When we hit the street, get ready to run!" "Run!" yelled the Wabbit. Wabsworth's foot ached due to his recently installed pain subroutine - but he scampered across the concourse with everyone else. Lapinette heard the tiniest of cracks. There was another crack. And another. Then very slowly from the bottom upwards, the Giant Wabbit disintegrated and gently collapsed into a pile of fragments. A mushroom cloud of fine dust cloaked the Giant Wabbit's ears. "Detestable, worthless idol," muttered the Wabbit. Lapinette was the first to stop and she slowly turned to gaze. "How did you do that?" The Wabbit was pleased Lapinette hadn't turned into a pillar of salt. "With Cracksmellite," he said, "totally safe for restrictive demolition." "Where did you find it?" asked Wabsworth. "Bengaluru," shrugged the Wabbit, "by mail." Wabsworth sighed. "Wabbit, is there anything you can't get?" Skratch looked at the heap of fragments and smiled for a long time. "What the Wabbit can't get, I will." The Wabbit's 28 teeth suddenly flashed. "So get me a packet of cinnamon Tic Tacs."

9. The Wabbit and Value of Vultures.

It was a surprise, but the team went into action. "I'm a fan and I have a vulture!" said the Wabbit. Lapinette thought fast and kicked Wabsworth in the foot. "I also have a vulture," he shouted. The creatures froze. Skratch looked at the Wabbit. "Where did you get your vulture?" The Wabbit smirked. "I mailed many tokens for it." Lapinette smiled sweetly. "I get entrance to the VIP tent and if I show my vulture, I can shake the paw of our hero, the Wabbit." "You can't come in here!" yelled a creature. The Wabbit stamped his foot. "My vulture says admit the bearer anywhere at any time." Despite the pain in his ankle, Wabsworth gasped in awe and he turned to stare at the creatures. "Show us your vultures!" "We are the Murmurants," said a creature, "and Murmurants have no vultures." "Then you shouldn't be here at all," said the Wabbit. Skratch spoke with an angry growl. "You don't look like fans, so leave fan business to us." The Murmurants set up a thoughtful murmuration that agreed with itself and said, "Maybe you have some spare vultures?" "I might," said the Wabbit. "But not here." Silence fell but the Wabbit broke it. "You can get them in the kiosk in Via Nizza." The Murmurants shuffled out but as they moved down the stairway, they inexplicably vanished against the brickwork. "That was too easy," said the Wabbit, "they bought the whole thing." Wabsworth shook his head. "No they didn't." ...

8. The Wabbit hears himself Speak

With the Agents of FAN gone, the team hacked their way into the Giant Wabbit. There was only one way to go. Ignoring the elevator at the insistence of Wabsworth, they climbed the curious stairs. The Wabbit sniffed an exotic smell. "This isn't brick is it?" "It feels like Aerogel," said Wabsworth. "Liquid smoke!" said Lapinette. "I feel something else," said the Wabbit. "Like someone was staring into my back." The loudspeaker on the wall barked with the Wabbit's own voice. "What am I bringing for luck?" it crackled. They had only taken a few hops more when the speaker barked and again the Wabbit's voice sang out. "No amount of careful planning can beat good luck." This was beginning to creep the Wabbit out. His head throbbed, his bones ached and his fur itched but there was no respite. "Luck," said his voice, "is when preparation meets opportunity." "Oh, kill it!" snapped the Wabbit. There were deafening blasts and ricochets as Lapinette's automatic spat several times. Now the Wabbit's loudspeaker voice was as slow as pond water - and each word seemed to be an effort. "That was cha cha chance. Do you have any luck luck luck left over?" The loudspeaker clattered into shards and silence replaced the ricochets. Low, ominous sounds swirled around the stairway walls. "Are these whispers?" asked Lapinette. "No," said the Wabbit. "That was a murmuration ..."

7. The Wabbit and the Agents of FAN

The Wabbit escaped from hospital with stolen medication and bandages. The knock on his head left with him some kind of sixth sense, so it wasn't hard to find the team. But the team had already spotted unusual goings-on. A giant Wabbit towered above the buildings, surrounded by chanting fans who seemed familiar, but weren't what they seemed. "I am the authentic Wabbit and no other Wabbit precedes me," boomed the giant Wabbit. The fans were delirious. "Blessed be the Wabbit! Blessed be!" The giant Wabbit lifted a paw. "I am the Wabbit of the past, the future and a bit later on." Lapinette dug Skratch gently in the ribs and whispered. "That thing does sound like the Wabbit." "He put on weight," quipped Skratch, "it's the hospital food." Lapinette sniffed and in her mind she could see her Wabbit. "You're supposed to be resting," she thought. The Wabbit heard it. "I was bored," he murmured. "That's no excuse," thought Lapinette. The Wabbit tried to control his enhanced power and projected it at the giant Wabbit. Its paw flailed wildly and a booming staccato echoed from the walls. "Wab wab wab wabbit." "Wab wab wab wabbit," yelled the fans. "Bitty bit bit bit bitwab," slurred the giant Wabbit. "Bitwab"" roared the throng. "Now seek out sustaining sustenance," boomed the giant Wabbit, "but keep one tenth for The Wabbit." As the fans departed, Skratch looked bemused. "He's very fair for a giant."

6. The Search for the Perpetrator

There was no shortage of volunteers to look for the culprit and Lapinette balanced on Susan's wing as she sped to Lingotto. "How's the Wabbit?" asked Skratch the Cat. "Complaining," shouted Lapinette. Wabsworth grimaced. "When I get the perpetrator, I'll rip his stem from his stern." "We haven't got one yet," yelled Lapinette. "I want ideas!" Susan's engine whined, chugged and rattled as she raced close above the tracks. Skratch gripped the fuselage and looked for clues. "What about enemies?" Wabsworth shook his head. "The city is full of Wabbit fans dressed as enemies." Lapinette shouted through the wind. "What about the Fanbots?" "They're citizens," shrugged Wabsworth. "I'm guessing a malignant voyeur." The wind tore at Skratch's fur and he screamed to make himself heard. "Anyone missing? Someone we've forgotten." A train shrieked past. The noise was unbearable but Skratch's eyes were keen and he jerked round. "I think I saw something." Lapinette grabbed a strut and turned. "What kind of something?" Skratch hissed and arched his back like a wildcat. "Something isn't right. Wabsworth. Can you land Susan here?" "I can very well land myself," snorted Susan and she flew vertically upwards, twisted in the air and dived. Everyone except Wabsworth gasped in the g-forces. "Bank angle, bank angle," shouted Susan, "stall, stall, stall!" "Is she always like this?" gulped Skratch. "Invariably," sighed Wabsworth.

5. Touch and Go for the Wabbit

The Wabbit stared down. He could see his body in the wreckage and he could hear voices. "Clear!" The Wabbit wasn't feeling clear at all. The voices were shouting. "What's your name?" Suddenly the Wabbit saw himself signing autographs at Wabbit-Con. But the more he signed his name, the less he could remember it. "Clear!" There it was again. The Wabbit watched as he signed Clear on a programme. "We're losing him. Again!" The Wabbit felt a shudder and the voices got louder. "Do you know where you are?" The Wabbit saw his younger self hopping along a stony beach. "Loch Lomond," he murmured. He heard a flat electronic whine that just wouldn't stop. "He's gone," said a voice. The Wabbit watched himself hop into the loch. "Epinephrine. Stat!" The Wabbit sank beneath the water. The loch felt cold and tangles of weed stretched out to grasp his paws. "Again. Clear!" The Wabbit looked up through water that shimmered with a clear green light. Now he made out a quiet voice. "It's over." "No," said another. Something whacked his body with the force of a water cannon and he reached for the surface and kicked. The Wabbit gasped and spluttered as faces swam between him and the light. "Welcome back, Commander." The Wabbit blinked. Everyone was looking down at him. "What's up?" said the Wabbit. "Is it my turn to buy drinks?"

4. The Wabbit and a Touch of Menace

Inside the Main Hall, special guests gathered for the preview of Wabbit Con. "Ah Wabsworth," said the Wabbit, I hope I'm on that list." Wabsworth waved his clipboard. "My list is blank. I'll write you in and you can be first." The Wabbit smiled and viewed the hall. "I must say the Department has done well." Lapinette agreed but did not say she had routed cash from the Wabbit's Dinosaur Fund to pay for refreshments. The Wabbit relaxed and watched adventure stills on the big screen. But through light jazz playing from the sound system, drifted a conversation between two fans dressed as Lapinette. "Where are you from, darling?" "Los Angeles, honey." "How fabulous. I'm from London." "I love London. Say, can you hear a ticking?" "No, it must be part of the music." "Well it's going right through my head." The Wabbit swung and tuned his ears to fans dressed as Ice Mice. "I do like jazz," said one, "but the percussion isn't right." "Do you mean that ticking?" "Yes, I can't get rid of it. It's all I can hear." The Wabbit turned to Lapinette. "Have you got a ticking noise?" Lapinette frowned and listened hard. "It sounds like an oven timer." The Wabbit sprung in the air and yelled at the top of his voice. "Free aperitivi in the basement!" In the stampede that followed, he pushed Lapinette under the jeep. The Wabbit heard the roar and saw the flash before everything went black ...

3. The Wabbit and Wabbit-Con

Lapinette had dragged the Wabbit for a hop to the Medieval Castle, but it was more crowded than usual. "Passes please!" said a familiar voice. "What in the Binky for?" growled the Wabbit. "You have to have a pass," said Skratch the Cat, "or you can't come in." Lapinette grinned maliciously. "It's for Wabbit-Con. Your fans are arriving from all over." The Wabbit looked all around. "No-one tells me a thing." "It's a Department PR initiative," said Lapinette. "Then I don't need a pass," said the Wabbit, "because I'm the Wabbit." Skratch scrutinised the Wabbit from ears to toe. "How do I know you're the real Wabbit? You might be a fan." "Then how do I know you're the real Skratch?" frowned the Wabbit. "Because today I'm the Cat's Pyjamas," said Skratch. The Wabbit spoke loudly. "I order you to let me in." "No pass, no admission," said Skratch, as he casually nodded a Wabbit fan through. The Wabbit hopped in fury and yelled, "I can prove I'm the Wabbit!" "OK," said Skratch, "let's have it." The Wabbit thought. "I'm the one that sent you to film classes." Skratch smiled an annoying smile. "Everyone knows that - and it's in the journalist press pack." "Oh all right," sighed the Wabbit, "I'll buy a pass." "Pre-orders only," said Skratch, "available from the Pet Shop in Corso Svizzera." The Wabbit scowled, jumped and shrugged at exactly the same time. Skratch glanced at Lapinette. "He just might be the Wabbit." Lapinette pulled an extra pass from her fur. "I'll make sure he behaves." "If you can do that," laughed Skratch. "he's not the Wabbit."

2. The Wabbit & the Pure Hop FanBots

The Wabbit and Wabsworth headed for the tram, but when it came to a halt, green FanBots flooded out. The Wabbit sighed. "You know everything about this, Wabsworth, don't you?" "I'm an android with a mammoth memory," said Wabsworth. "Then who?" asked the Wabbit tersely. Wabsworth paused and a smile flickered across his face. "These are Pure Hop FanBots." The Wabbit shook his head and murmured, "Why?" Wabsworth kept an eye on the FanBots' approach and elaborated. "The FanBots of the Pure Hop Tendency do not approve of the status quo." "Well, Qui, Quo, Qua," flounced the Wabbit. Wabsworth paid no attention and continued. "The Pure Hoppers are coming to WabbitCon to protest." The Wabbit's eyes rose so high they reached his ears. "They do not consider you a personality, Commander," said Wabsworth. "You are the Liberator who will lead them to the Promised Hay." "I will not," moaned the Wabbit, "I'm busy." "Excuse me," said a Pure Hopper, "that is a good costume and you wear it well." The Wabbit clenched his paws and tried very hard to be civil. "Thank you," he nodded. The FanBot looked up. "But the lettering isn't quite right." Wabsworth detected the start of a low growl, so he interrupted. "It's nearly Ferragosto Holiday and all the costumiers are on vacation." The FanBot whirred his fan. "Where can we find the Great Leader?" "He took a small vacation," snapped the Wabbit.
[In Italy, Qui, Quo and Qua are Donald Duck's nephews, Huey, Dewey and Louie.]

1. The Wabbit and the FanBots

"There they are now," said Wabsworth. "Don't turn round, they'll spot us." The Wabbit tried not to look. "Who did you say they were?" "They're FanBots." said Wabsworth. The Wabbit looked quizzical. "What kind of FanBots?" Wabsworth sighed a deep sigh. "They're your FanBots actually. And so they're mine too - by default." The Wabbit squeezed his eyes to slits and turned slightly. "What the Binky are they doing?" Wabsworth had been quick to investigate. "They're coming to Wabbit-Con and they're desperate to even glimpse you." The Wabbit shuddered but Wabsworth continued. "They worship the very ground you hop on." "Tell me it isn't true," groaned the Wabbit. But Wabsworth was the Wabbit's android double and he was keen on the truth. "They know everything about you. Everything." At that moment a FanBot called out. "Hello fellow fans! Can you tell us where the Wabbit eats?" The Wabbit adopted a funny voice and, without hesitation, named an establishment he hated. "The Wabbit eats at a sausage restaurant in Mirafiore." A FanBot came close and his voice shook. "You ... look so much like the Wabbit." "We're big fans," shrugged the Wabbit. "Perhaps His Wabbitness is nearby!" shouted a FanBot and they scurried around, looking. Wabsworth intervened. "You will never find the Wabbit." The FanBots looked distraught and moaned gently. Wabsworth gestured to thin air. "The Wabbit will find you."

The Wabbit, Lapinette and Old Times

The Wabbit's paw snuck into Lapinette's and she smiled. "Looks like we're hopping down the very same street." "On the sunny side," laughed the Wabbit. "I prefer my streets sunny side up," said Lapinette. "As do I," nodded the Wabbit. Lapinette hopped with delight. "Do you remember when we first met?" The Wabbit was tentative. "I do," he said, "but it was dark." "That," said Lapinette, "was because you were locked in a luggage locker at the rail terminal." The Wabbit smirked slightly. "I was protecting stolen goods as valuable evidence." Lapinette hopped, skipped and giggled. "You locked yourself in and you'd still be there if it wasn't for my swift intervention." The Wabbit caught a mental glimpse of his skeletal remains. "It was all under control." Lapinette fluttered her eyes. "Your radio had no batteries and there was a railway strike." "Mmm," murmured the Wabbit. "Then it was just as well you had a fur dresser's appointment there." Lapinette thought for a second. "I've still got the scissors I borrowed to lever the hinges." "Are they the ones with the red handles?" asked the Wabbit. "Puce," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit looked relieved because he regularly used bent scissors to prise open containers. "Anyway, what did we get up to after that?" "We had adventures," shrugged Lapinette. "How many, would you say?" queried the Wabbit. Lapinette was emphatic. "A thousand."

The Wabbit's Adventure Caffè

The team gathered and waited for Skratch the Cat. Eventually he hove into sight with a giant wave and a shout. "Now what was that for a rip roaring adventure?" "It was detectively woofy," said Arson Fire, the Greyhound. Lapinette giggled and looked at the Wabbit. "You think you're Sam Spade?" The Wabbit effected a drawl. "I kept putting two and two together but there were so many twos I stopped counting." Skratch meaowed pleasantly. "It wasn't about the money and it wasn't about the gold." Wabsworth looked across at the Wabbit. "So what was it about?" "It was about the journey," said the Wabbit. Wabsworth looked disappointed. "So the Dinosaur Fund made nothing?" The Wabbit smirked. He drew a shiny object from his fur and set it on the table. "I wouldn't say that exactly." Now Skratch pounced. "I knew it. You kept the Bratwurst Bullion!" The Wabbit shook his head. "It got stuck in my fur." "I'll take charge of it," said Wabsworth reaching for the Gold Bullion Hot Dog. Lapinette made a mental note. "That's Good Delivery Bullion, even with unorthodox packaging." "Not to mention cooking," barked Arson Fire. "Well, it's all the money I have at the minute," said the Wabbit, and I'm thirsty." Skratch put his paw in his fur and rummaged. "Maybe I can spare five euro for a fellow traveller." The Wabbit's 28 teeth flashed in the sun. "I'll have a carrot aperitivo with sparkling gold flakes please." "So will I," said Lapinette. "And me," said Arson Fire. Wabsworth pulled out a requisition book. "Does that aperitivo have a name?" "Macwabbit's Gold," meaowed Skratch.

13. The Wabbit's Finance Restitution

A clapping of wings heralded Parakalo the Dove. He hurtled to their meeting place from the best blue sky he could arrange at short notice. At exactly the same time, the Wabbit and Lapinette shimmered in from a productive past. Parakalo felt obliged to be formal, so he spread his wings and hovered. The Wabbit opened the bag. "I'm returning what rightfully belongs here." Parakalo cooed softly. "To whom shall I deliver it?" A silence fell and then the Wabbit murmured. "I trust your judgement in the matter." "How much is there?" asked Parakalo. "Enough to run a country for a while," said Lapinette, who had made a careful note of the amount, denominations and serial numbers. "There's only one thing," said the Wabbit with a grimace. Another silence fell. "Money's like a gun," he said. "It smells of its history." Lapinette thought that was very sage but Parakalo merely sniffed. "I can smell hot dogs, Bratwurst to be exact." "So can I," sniffed Lapinette. "It must have got on my fur," sighed the Wabbit. Lapinette was thoughtful. "The Dinosaur Fund got caught up in something smellier than we thought." "The road to smell is paved with good intentions," said the Wabbit. Lapinette gave a wry grin. "But we had to go to smell and back." Parakalo looked serious. "Now the banks have got smell to pay." Then they looked at each other and laughed and laughed.