1. The Wabbit and the Matter of Pencils

The Wabbit was determined to solve the problem of the spy at the Department of Wabbit Affairs and arranged to accidentally bump into the rabbit from Accounts on the steps. The rabbit's pencil set was obvious, so the Wabbit pulled a big red marker pen from his fur. "I say, Ledger!" shouted the Wabbit, "you appear to have dropped one of your pencils." Ledger turned cautiously. "Sir?" The Wabbit's ears inclined slightly towards Ledger. "That's not one of mine, Sir." Ledger's voice trembled slightly and he patted his pencil set. "These are my special audit pencils and I always have them with me." "Don't you have a laptop, Ledger?" asked the Wabbit smiling, "I can requisition you one if you like." "They're my back up, Sir," said Ledger and he turned to go. "One more thing, Ledger!" barked the Wabbit. "Yes Sir," replied Ledger meekly. "Can you calculate the damage to Turin City Council property from our last adventure - and make reimbursement?" "Shall I raise a cheque from the Dinosaur Fund?" said Ledger, before he could think. The Wabbit stared very hard indeed. "Of course not!" he said, "the Via dell'Arsenale Sports and Social Club as usual. On my desk by teatime." "There's no space on your desk, Sir," said Ledger. "There's room behind my filing cabinet," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit's Post Adventure Caffè

"Here comes Skratch!" said Lapinette. "I’m going to get in first," said the Wabbit. Skratch loomed into view, sporting a new T-shirt sent specially from Germany. "What was that for a sort of adventure?" asked the Wabbit. "Oh," said Skratch, "I really hadn’t thought about it." "You’re disappointing us Skratch," said Lapinette. Skratch smiled and inclined his head. "I thought the Wabbit avoided leading his audience into a position of dominant specularity." "I know what that means!" shouted Wabsworth, but everyone pretended not to hear. "I’m more concerned about this spy in the Department," said Lapinette. The Wabbit reflected. "Do you recall I said to tell anyone you liked about the golden wabbits?" Lapinette nodded. "Well, who do you like?" It was Lapinette’s turn to reflect. "I like that rabbit in Accounts," she said. "He always carries an enormous set of colour pencils." Skratch tapped the Wabbit on the shoulder and the Wabbit drew a little closer. "This colour pencil thing is a trick," Skratch said softly. "It’s a way of passing information undetected." The Wabbit thought long and hard. "Let’s keep this among ourselves," he said, "while we keep an eye on our friend, the bookkeeper." "Wabsworth!" said Lapinette suddenly. "If you were a colour what would it be?" "Transparent?" smiled Wabsworth. 

10. The Wabbit faces the Music

The Wabbit and Wabsworth caught up with Duetta the Red Spider and Lapinette at the rear of the Old Abandoned Hospital. "Glad you're OK, Commander," said Duetta. "Never a bother," said the Wabbit. "Don't you never a bother me," said Lapinette. "You could have told us what was going on." "It was strictly hush hush," said the Wabbit. Lapinette fumed. "I have the highest of clearances," she said. "Exactly," said the Wabbit. "We set up a smokescreen to lure the Agents." "A smokescreen!" said Duetta. "Most admirable." The Wabbit grinned. "The whole thing had to look like it was just me." "It was just you!" shouted Lapinette. "Me too!" said Wabsworth, immediately wishing he had kept quiet. "Were you by any chance testing us?" enquired Duetta. "Only in passing," said the Wabbit. An uncomfortable silence fell. Then Duetta tapped a leg. "What shall we do with the prisoners?" "Let them go," said the Wabbit, "and tell them to tell all their friends that we know." "Know what?" asked Lapinette. "I don't know," said the Wabbit. "But they won't know that we don't know." "Know what!" repeated Lapinette. "They have someone inside the Department," said the Wabbit.

9. The Wabbit and the Big Plunge

The Wabbit suddenly twisted the steering wheel and the jeep smashed through the Hopway railings. Everything went quiet as they sailed through the air. "Is this wise Commander?" asked Wabsworth. "Wabbits gotta have fun!" shouted the Wabbit. His ears twitched as he heard snaser fire. "Brace yourself!" he yelled. Wabsworth grabbed the dashboard. All of his 28 teeth chattered as the jeep landed with a suspension sapping smash and swerved across the breadth of the road. "This is a fine vehicle," stuttered Wabsworth. "Quite old fashioned," smiled the Wabbit. "I suppose you want one." "I'd like some proper upholstery," said Wabsworth, rubbing his fur. The Wabbit chortled. "How are our reinforcements?" he asked. "Making short work of the enemy," said Wabsworth. "We'll never hear the end of it," murmured the Wabbit, "so let's pretend it wasn't really us." "I don't think that will work," said Wabsworth. "Of course it won't work," replied the Wabbit, "but we can wind them up trying." "Yes, we'll let it drop casually," nodded Wabsworth. "OK, let's practice," said the Wabbit, adopting a conversational tone. "I was just displaying my golden wabbits, when a funny thing happened." "How will we explain the damage?" asked Wabsworth. "It was like that when we got here," grinned the Wabbit.

8. The Wabbit & the Hopway Skirmish

As Duetta sped towards the Hopway, she could make out the Wabbit’s jeep and hear the sound of explosives. Agents of Rabit were swarming up fences and trying to halt the jeep, while others rained down explosives from the bridge. "I didn’t expect an Agents' flying column," said the Wabbit, "and that was my fault." He fired a few rounds at an Agent and watched him drop to the road. "Nobody’s perfect," said Wabsworth as he dispensed with another Agent. A bundle of dynamite came his way and he scooped it from the air and threw it back. A satisfying boom from below made his ears stiffen pleasantly. "Take that for your trouble," he smiled, then hearing the distinctive note of a biplane engine, he looked up.  "I think we have reinforcements," he cheered, digging the Wabbit sharply in the ribs. "Is that Lapinette?" sighed the Wabbit, "because there’ll be hell to pay." "Yes, and Duetta the Red Spider," yelled Wabsworth. Now the Wabbit smiled and he sprayed the Hopway with bullets. "Excellent," he chortled. "They can fight about who rescued us." Wabsworth pushed a foe away from the fence, oblivious to the frantic squeals as the Agent pitched to his doom. "Do we need rescuing?" he asked. The Wabbit’s Makarov spat fire at another Agent. "Not really," shrugged the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit and the Big Surprise

At Wabsworth’s command, the Wabbit’s élite guard stepped from the rows of golden wabbits and met advancing Agents of Rabit with a hail of snaser fire. At the same time, Duetta and the Red Spiders dropped from the shed roof - and seizing any Agents they could, disappeared into the sky. But there were many Agents and the more the Spiders seized, the more appeared. The battle raged for what seemed like hours, even though it was only a matter of minutes. Gradually, the Wabbit’s Guard gained control and mopped up remaining Agents. "Where’s  Commander Wabbit and Lieutenant Commander Wabsworth?" shouted the Field Commander. "They were supposed to be here!" As the sound of confrontation quietened, the guard became aware of another battle not too far away. "They need help!" yelled the Field Commander. He waved a paw towards the noise and ordered six troops to the Hopway. Way up above, Marshall Duetta Spyder paused as she heard ricochets of automatic gunfire and let an unfortunate Agent of Rabit drop to the concrete below. Then she wheeled and flew towards the Hopway with enormous speed. In the distance, the Wabbit and Wabsworth were engaged in a skirmish of their own and Duetta figured that things weren't going at all well. "Hang on Commander," she breathed. "Just hang onto your fur ..."

6. The Wabbit and the Surfeit of Foes

The sun began to set on the golden wabbits and all was quiet – or so it appeared. "I saw a Skuttle," said Wabsworth. "But only one," said the Wabbit, "and I also saw one of the Euls." "Curses on their  pointy ears," grimaced Wabsworth. "Did you spot an Ice Mouse?" asked the Wabbit. "I did," said Wabsworth. "It seemed hardly worth a mention." "They’re a spent force," said the Wabbit. "Look Wabsworth, all this is just noise, mere static." They watched the sun paint the girders orange. "I saw a golden wabbit move," said Wabsworth. "A trick of the light," said the Wabbit. "I’m an android," said Wabsworth, "and the light can’t trick me." "If you stare at anything long enough it seems to move," smiled the Wabbit. "My advanced circuitry takes care of all that stuff," said Wabsworth, "and I insist that something moved." The Wabbit tried to look sceptical. "Look at these two golden wabbits at the front," said Wabsworth. "They glanced at each other." Wabsworth stopped talking and stared at the Wabbit. His positronic brain raced and then he too smiled. "Yes," he said, "I understand." They both nodded in mutual satisfaction. But suddenly a dark shadow fell across the golden wabbits and Wabsworth stiffened. "Shall I be the one?" he murmured. "You do it," said the Wabbit calmly. Wabsworth threw back his head and with his loudest voice he yelled "Go! Go! Go!"

5. The Wabbit and the Big Wait

With all the golden wabbits displayed in the Big Shed, the Wabbit and Wabsworth, his android double, retired to a vantage point behind their one of their jeeps. They didn’t have long to wait before they heard sounds. Wabsworth nudged the Wabbit and the Wabbit looked up. Hordes of Red Spiders were descending on the shed. The Wabbit fidgeted. "Do we make a move, Commander?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit shook his head. "Don’t disappoint me, Marshall Duetta Spyder," he murmured to himself as he watched the flight of the Spiders. He figured he could make out Marshall Duetta herself  - she was far to the rear of the structure and for an instant he thought she made a squiggly wave. The Spiders settled on the roof and became very still. Even so, there were in such number that the covering groaned under the strain. "What are they doing, Commander?" said Wabsworth." "Waiting," said the Wabbit. "Just like us!" said Wabsworth. "It’s all the rage," said the Wabbit. Now Wabsworth was getting fidgety too. "Who are you really expecting?" "I don’t know for certain," said the Wabbit. "I only have the vaguest of clues." Wabsworth patted his automatic, then looked up. "Have you told me quite everything?" he sighed. "Now where’s the fun in that?" grinned the Wabbit. 

4. The Wabbit & the Bullet Proof Coat

It took until lunchtime for Wabsworth and the Wabbit to ferry all the golden wabbits to a carefully selected destination. "These are the last," said Wabsworth with relief. "Now we just have to move them across the hopway to the Big Open Shed," said the Wabbit. "We’ll be finished by evening." "And then?" asked Wabsworth - although being an exact copy of the Wabbit, he already knew. "We wait," said the Wabbit and he pushed his Makarov into his fur. "I do like that coat," said Wabsworth. "Is that a special issue?" "It’s bullet proof," said the Wabbit. "Could you requisition one for me?" Wabsworth hummed with excitement. "You’re an android and have no need of one," smiled the Wabbit, "and besides, they’re a little hot!" "Just the logos perhaps?" said Wabsworth. "Radio it in," said the Wabbit. "Code 007392, Dinosaur Fund." "Right away Commander." grinned Wabsworth. The Wabbit shifted uneasily and glanced from right to left. "See any trouble?" asked Wabsworth. "Not yet," said the Wabbit and he dug out his automatic and looked at it. He switched the safety catch and switched it back, then back again. A silence fell, only to be broken by a crackle from the radio. "Logos on the way, Commander. " Wabsworth smiled. He looked over at the Wabbit, then into the distance. "Will they go for it?" "Oh yes," muttered the Wabbit. "They most certainly will." He shook his head. "But which particular they?"

3. The Wabbit and the Dinosaur Fund

Lapinette called the Wabbit to the Department of Wabbit Affairs on a matter of urgency. "Wabbit, what on earth are these?" "Oh that must be my gold," said the Wabbit feigning surprise. "Unut’s gold?" asked Lapinette, sighing a long sigh. "I was expecting gold bars but this will do nicely," said the Wabbit. "Hmmm," said Lapinette. "Wabbit you’re up to something - I know you." The Wabbit smiled reassuringly. "I just felt we could use an increase in funds." "But where are we going to put them?" asked Lapinette. "In the Dinosaur Fund?" suggested the Wabbit. Lapinette knew that the Dinosaur Fund was for old fashioned and frankly unorthodox missions. "I don’t mean the account," she said, "I meant the location. We have no room for hundreds of golden wabbits." "Oh really?" said the Wabbit pretending to be disappointed. "I’m sure I can find a place for them." Lapinette screwed up her eyes and looked at the Wabbit and the Wabbit tried not to flinch. "I’ll get the gang onto it, they know lots of places." "Don’t you want to keep it a secret?" asked  Lapinette. "No need," said the Wabbit. "Tell anyone you like." Now Lapinette was really suspicious. "Are they made of chocolate?" she ventured. "Heavens no, they’re pure gold," laughed the Wabbit. "You need security," said Lapinette. "Too much trouble," said the Wabbit. "There might be a gold rush," said Lapinette," and I’m not rescuing you." What?" said the Wabbit, "and miss a golden opportunity?"

2. The Wabbit & the Advisory Relation

It took the Wabbit all day to find his android double, Wabsworth. He finally caught up with him at the Porta Palazzo market, where he was looking for an unobtainable vinyl LP. "Wabsworth!" called the Wabbit. "I was hoping to meet you!" Wabsworth was startled. "Do you want your coat back?" he asked solemnly. "A borrowed coat can’t keep me warm." The Wabbit had completely forgotten about his coat. "Keep the coat, Wabsworth. It suits you." "Oh thank you," said Wabsworth looking relieved. "How can I help you?" "You are an exact copy of me," said the Wabbit, "so I want us to liaise on an urgent matter." "I’m not completely the same as you," said Wabsworth. "I have different experiences now." "All to the good," said the Wabbit and he explained about Unut the Rabbit Goddess and her offer to help achieve rabbit emancipation. "Mmm," said Wabsworth, "the horns of a dilemma." "You sound like me," sighed the Wabbit. "I can’t help it," said Wabsworth.  "Now what about the land, the gold and the weapons?" "That’s why I want you to advise me," said the Wabbit. "Well," said Wabsworth, "if you had to choose one, which would it be?" The Wabbit’s eyes lit up. "Yes," he exclaimed. "Always remember the golden rule!" Wabsworth knew what the Wabbit was going to say, so he said it for him. "He who has the gold makes the rules," he chortled.

1. The Wabbit and the Matter of Advice

The Wabbit thrust his paws far into his coat and hunched into a school doorway. The night air had become chilly and the Wabbit wished for summer, but the more he wished, the sharper the cold became. "Brrr," thought the Wabbit. He was reminded of his school days, when his only responsibility was to learn stuff from books and repeat it to the satisfaction of his stern masters.  The Wabbit and school had never easily coexisted. He would periodically absent himself and hide in the local library to read about existentialism. In consequence, the Wabbit was apt to think far too hard for far too long. "What am I going to do about Unut’s offer?" he thought. “And what about my alliance with Duetta and the Red Spiders?" The Wabbit thought hard for a while. "I need to take advice," he thought. The Wabbit didn't like asking for advice and liked taking it even less. But suddenly the Wabbit smiled. "I’ll call a Council of War," he thought. "Everyone will contribute. I will throw in my own ideas and get them back. Everyone will think they’re giving me advice." Then the Wabbit realised he had no ideas. He had reached an impasse. "I don’t need a Council of War," grinned the Wabbit. "I need a collaborator ..." and he grinned with his 28 teeth and hopped back into the shadows.

The Wabbit after the Adventure

Tucked away in a seaside caffe the Wabbit hoped he could be incognito. "This is nice and quiet," said the Wabbit, "and no Skratch to ask me what kind of adventure that was!" Out the corner of her eye, Lapinette watched Skratch hove into sight, but smiled to herself and said nothing. Suddenly the Wabbit's ears flapped as if driven by a high wind. "Wabbit!" called a familiar voice. "What was that for a kind of adventure?" The Wabbit pretended not to hear but Skratch persisted. "I thought it was a splendidly crafted pastiche of John Carpenter’s 'Dark Star'" he purred. "An exercise in counter aesthetics!" "At least we didn’t explode in a supernova," sighed the Wabbit who wished he had never enrolled Skratch in that film class. "What a beautiful way to go," drawled Skratch. The Wabbit looked at Lapinette and the Wabbit looked back. "In case nobody can hear you laugh?" smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit was not to be outdone. "I went for the science and I stayed for the explosion," he said with a deadpan expression that startled even Skratch. Lapinette laughed. "Take Unut up on her offer, Wabbit." Skratch was all ears. "What offer?" he asked. "World domination," said Lapinette. "Oooohh," said Skratch, "Count me in." "It's not finalised," said the Wabbit. "When will that be?" said Skratch. "After lunch," said the Wabbit.

15. The Wabbit and Unut's Offer

The Wabbit and Lapinette emerged from the pyramid in the Egyptian Museum, to be greeted by Unut, Rabbit Goddess. "Welcome home, my brave rabbits!" she cried, "your trip went without incident?" "Except for the talking bomb," said the Wabbit. "A mere frippery for the likes of you, Commander," said Unut. "Now please introduce me to your beautiful consort." "Marchesa Lapinette," said Lapinette, proffering a paw. The Wabbit cringed because it was far from protocol to shake the paw of a Goddess. But Unut bent down and clasped Lapinette's paw with such warmth that the Wabbit glasses misted. Not to be outdone, he proffered his own and after an initial mix up, the three shook paws vigorously. Unut turned directly to the Wabbit. "Commander, I am again indebted." The Wabbit was cautious, because he thought he knew what was coming. "The pyramid craft is yours if you wish," said Unut. The Wabbit looked stunned and spoke softly. "I rather prefer my jeep." "Whatever you require in your fight for emancipation of the rabbits is yours." Unut smiled. "Well, Commander, what do you need - land, gold, weapons?" "Not necessary in that order," quipped the Wabbit, although it was clear to Lapinette that he hadn’t actually refused. "You only have to ask," said Unut. "The planet will be a safer place in the paws of the rabbits." "I’ll settle for a coffee," said the Wabbit. And the Dark Basement of the Goddesses echoed loudly as they laughed and laughed.

14. The Wabbits seize the Pyramid

The Wabbit kicked the control room door, but it slid open. Music started and they heard Tock the Talking Bomb singing, "Sex bomb, Sex bomb." "We need to be quick," shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit jumped into the pilot’s seat but he and Lapinette looked out on a completely different location from before. Susan the Biplane seemed to have followed them and she buzzed up and down, to attract their attention. A radio on the console crackled.  "I thought you’d never get there. Commander," said Susan. "Good to see you, Susan," said the Wabbit. "Have you seen any escape pods?" "No Sir, but can you do something about the music?" "Please repeat," said the Wabbit, "I can’t hear you for the music." "A song has taken over every station in the city," said Susan. "Sex bomb, Susan," said the Wabbit. "Thank you, Sir," said Susan. "This bomb’s made for lovin’," sang Tock and the music became shrill. "I can take no more," said Lapinette and she hit the lower button. The song faded and there was a deflating sound. Lapinette and the Wabbit grinned. "What about the other button?" asked the Wabbit. "You’re the button expert," said Lapinette. The Wabbit struck the top button a mighty blow. The sound started with a squeal, then a grinding that became a groaning. Gradually, inexorably, the pyramid lifted from the ground and swivelled round. "I can see the Egyptian museum," said the Wabbit. "She’s going home," said Lapinette.

13.The Wabbit and the Search for Control

The Wabbit and Lapinette searched for the control room so that they could move the Pyramid. But the more they searched, the more elusive the control room seemed to be. As they negotiated the complex interior of the structure, the Wabbit speculated. "I don’t know how long Tock will sleep, but I imagine he might decide to detonate soon." "How can we stop him?" said Lapinette. "The way to stop him," stated the Wabbit, "is likely in the control room too." "You’ve been here before," said Lapinette. "Just the once," replied the Wabbit. "I recollect it’s towards the base of the Pyramid." As they reached the bottom of the stairway a metallic voice boomed. "That’s the Alien," said the Wabbit. "It’s just a recording," said Lapinette. "Please go to the control room. All personnel to the control room," said the voice. "I don’t see any personnel," said Lapinette. "Maybe it means us?" said the Wabbit. "We don’t say personnel any more," frowned Lapinette. "We say rabbit resources." The Wabbit smiled. "I think the door is over there to our right." They both hopped forward. "All personnel to control room," called the voice. "All others to escape pods." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and the Wabbit looked back. "That’s the door!" yelled the Wabbit, "and it's sealed." "So how's your kicking foot?" said Lapinette.

12.The Wabbit and the Five Minutes

Suddenly the floor fell away. The Wabbit and Lapinette found themselves looking down on Tock, the Blue Guardian of the Pyramid, who had promised to delay his detonation for five minutes. The Wabbit spoke first. "Tock, what is your purpose?" "To defend the Pyramid," said Tock. "On what basis do you perceive a threat to the pyramid?" "The basis of my sensor inputs," said Tock. "Did you ever consider you're making decisions based on false data?" said the Wabbit. "Proceed," said Tock. Lapinette was suddenly inspired. "What kind of bomb are you?" she asked. Tock thought for a while and then sang. "Sex bomb, sex bomb. Baby you can turn me on!" His eyes rolled round and round and his feet scrabbled. Lapinette shook her head. "Your data is badly corrupted." Tock did a little dance and sang again. "I can give it to you any time because you're mine. Ouch, sex bomb, baby!" The Wabbit sighed. "You can only detonate once," he said firmly. "That’s true," said Tock. "It will be the end of you," said the Wabbit. "I will cease to exist," said Tock. "You will cease to exist on the basis of false data," said Lapinette. Tock’s eyes sharpened. "I have no proof that I’m a sex bomb,"  he said solemnly. Lapinette and the Wabbit shook their heads. "But I have no proof that I’m not," said Tock, "so I must consider this further." Silence fell and the Wabbit and Lapinette realised Tock was asleep. The Wabbit’s five minutes had passed with no explosion. "Phew!" said the Wabbit.

11. The Wabbit and the Blue Guardian

Inside the pyramid, the Wabbit and Lapinette found themselves in a very strange room indeed. Stranger still, it had a clearly labelled exit. The Wabbit screwed up his eyes. "What do all these equations mean, Lapinette?" "Gibberish I thought," said Lapinette, "but they seem to be about light." "Let there be light!" said a voice. Lapinette pointed her automatic at a creature emerging from the doorway. "We come in peace." said the Wabbit, pointing his own automatic. "I don’t," said the Blue Creature. "OK, neither do we," said Lapinette. "Now who are you and why do you keep moving our pyramid?" "My name is Tock. Ownership of the pyramid is a matter of debate and not for the likes of me." "What is for you?" asked the Wabbit. "I have my prescribed function," said Tock. "Elaborate!" shouted Lapinette. The creature bounced up and down, then scrabbled its feet on the floor. "Detonation," said Tock. "Why would you detonate?" asked the Wabbit. "Perceived threat to the pyramid," said Tock. The Wabbit looked confused and Tock scrabbled again. "I am the guardian of the pyramid, appointed by my creators on Exogal 3." "That’s silly," said Lapinette. "We’re not a threat to the pyramid." "Do persuade me," said Tock. Instantly a ticking sound filled the room and Tock’s feet scrabbled. "Oh, I’d love to chat," smiled the Wabbit. "Detonation in 5 minutes," said Tock.

10. The Wabbit & Lapinette on the Ledge

Susan the Biplane caught up with the pyramid and dropped the Wabbit and Lapinette onto a ledge half way up. As they landed, the pyramid shimmered and emitted small bursts of light. The Wabbit struggled to get a paw hold on the smooth surface. "I can’t quite see how to get in," he groaned. "You managed before," said Lapinette, tartly. "That access point is no longer visible," said the Wabbit and he clicked his teeth. "How do you normally get into a pyramid?" queried Lapinette. The Wabbit leant back and began, "Well ... " he commenced. Lapinette thought better of continuing and avoided one of the Wabbit’s lectures. "All right, it’s meant to be difficult," she acknowledged. "Can you fold a napkin into a pyramid?" asked the Wabbit. "Of course I can," said Lapinette. "Would it have a door?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette shook her head. "Maybe that’s the answer," said the Wabbit and he glanced at Lapinette’s automatic. "Are you expecting trouble?" "Expect trouble and expect it early," said Lapinette. "Maybe you could fire a bullet at the door," said the Wabbit. "Just show me the door!" said Lapinette. "Maybe you could fold us one," sighed the Wabbit. But just at that very moment he heard an ominous creaking and felt the ledge widen. He looked down to see a gap appear. Slowly but steadily the Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette slid down and into the structure.

9. The Wabbit and the Elusive Pyramid

Day turned to dusk and the Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette were still looking for the pyramid. Susan the Biplane flew across the city, then swooped along the railway line to Lingotto.  The Wabbit leaned across and nudged Lapinette. "Do you know? I think I saw it for a second." Lapinette strained to hear him above the wind. "So did I!" she yelled, "but it seems to have moved." "Where? " asked the Wabbit. "Well, it was in front of us," shouted Lapinette, "but now it seems to be behind us." "As if it had a mind of its own," said the Wabbit for the second time that month. "Some say the pyramid has great healing power," he murmured. "That's tosh, Sir" said Susan the Biplane, "unless pyramids hand out medicine at the pharmacy." She banked and started to turn. "Look! It’s over there!" said Lapinette. But the Wabbit knew the city well. "It can’t be," he said, "because that spot is occupied by another structure." The Wabbit thought long and hard. "A water tower for the railway," he said, "but can two buildings be in the same place at once?" "It’s mathematically possible," said Lapinette. "But unlikely Marchesa, Ma’am," said Susan. "Oh let’s drop  the formality," said Lapinette, "you can call me ..." "Sir!"  interrupted the Wabbit.  "Head for the Pyramid, Susan and we’ll teach it sums."

8. The Wabbit and the Big Pointy Thing

"This isn’t the pyramid," said the Wabbit. "It’s the only big pointy thing I know round here," said Lapinette. "Worth a look," replied the Wabbit shaking his head. "Lapinette, that pyramid could be anywhere." "Perhaps it’s still in space," suggested Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded. "We could take Quantum and sweep the Quadrant." "Why don’t we?" said Lapinette, "it could be fun." "It’s just that I think it’s near here," said the Wabbit. Lapinette waited for an explanation. "The Alien and the asteroid were here," stated the Wabbit. "Check," said Lapinette. "And the pyramid was on the asteroid." "Check," said Lapinette. "But when the Alien left, I didn’t see the pyramid." Lapinette thought back. "You’re right. It looks like he left the pyramid here." "Where would you put a pyramid?" mused the Wabbit. "Anywhere," said Lapinette. "People don’t see things that are right in front of them." "But why would he leave it here?" Lapinette thought for a moment. "Because he’s coming back for it?" she breathed. "Or his employers." The Wabbit's face wrinkled. "We have to find it before them," said Lapinette. "And get it to Unut the Rabbit Goddess, she knows all about pyramids," said the Wabbit. "So do I," said Lapinette. The Wabbit turned. "There are quantum theories about pyramids," said Lapinette brightly. The Wabbit looked sceptical but Lapinette grinned. "We just have to find it, then turn it on." "With a switch?" asked the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit & Unut's Instruction

The Wabbit drove straight to Pluto Park to think. "What did I forget?" he thought. He slouched with his paws in his fur, considering the matter, when something made him jump. "Nice suit, Commander. Very racy." The Wabbit looked up to see the imposing figure of Unut, Rabbit Goddess - and knew to cancel everything in his diary. "You’re out and about, Your Goddessship," said the Wabbit tentatively. "Please try to call me Unut." said Unut and paused. "We ancients were watching your last adventure." "Oh yes?" said the Wabbit. "And it appears that you came across something we want." "Oh yes?" said the Wabbit. "And it also appears that you left it behind," "Ah yes!" said the Wabbit positively. The Wabbit knew he should know, and he racked his brains and fought for time. "It's big and pointy," he said. "Yes," said Unut, "unlike your egg timer over there." Unut gestured to the cooling tower and the Wabbit shook his head sadly. "The Alien’s structure is a pyramid ship and we would like it," said Unut. "You’d like it back?" said the Wabbit. "Did I say that?" snorted Unut. "It’s not ours, we’d just like it. It’s a portable place of power." "Of course, Unut," said the Wabbit, brightening. "Consider it done!" "There’s one more thing" said Unut. The Wabbit tried to look chirpy. "Tell your young consort she can come out now." Lapinette quickly ducked behind the jeep. "Too late!" sighed the Wabbit. 

6. The Wabbits and the Forgotten Thing

The friends assembled in the Film Museum at the invitation of Skratch the Cat. "How did you get these drinks?" asked Skratch. "This is a film set, not a caffè." "Oh is it not?" smiled the Wabbit, "because we just sat down and someone served us." "I’ll  join you then," purred Skratch. He ordered a Moo Joose and posed. "I can’t wait to ask you all what sort of adventure you thought that was!" "One of those adventures that never quite finishes," murmured Wabsworth from another table, where he was examining film programmes. "Why are you wearing your Rocket Suit, Wabbit?" asked Skratch. "I always wear it here," said the Wabbit. "Visitors think I’m part of an installation and I overhear lots of things." Wabsworth pricked up his ears. "Like what?" queried Skratch. "I overheard that there’s going to be a remake of the Land that Time Forgot." "I’d forgotten that one," said Skratch. "That’s it!" yelled Wabsworth. "What’s it?" asked Lapinette. "The last adventure," mused Wabsworth. "I’ve had this feeling we forgot something." "Why didn’t you say?" asked the Wabbit. "I quite forgot," said Wabsworth. "Start remembering," advised the Wabbit. Wabsworth stared steadily at a film programme. "It's something big," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit sighed. "... and pointy," added Wabsworth. "That narrows it down," said the Wabbit. 

5. The Wabbit and the Alien's Journey

In the viewing theatre, the friends watched the progress of the Alien Pilot by remote. "There he goes," said Lapinette. "How did you manage to track him?" "I left a drone in space," said the Wabbit. "I suppose you kept it in your fur," smiled Lapinette. "Of course not," said the Wabbit, "it would be too prickly." They could just make out the Alien Pilot in his pod and Skratch thrashed his tail. "I got to quite like him," he said. "I hope he doesn’t crash." "I’m sure the Pilot will find his way to the Planet OGLE," said the Wabbit. "But what about the space currency?" asked Lapinette. "Will he be able to use it?" Pio Pulcinella the Puppet shook his head. "I’m uncertain. It was a prototype space currency. No-one really knows." They all looked at each other. "He might be really rich then," purred Skratch. "It’s all about confidence," said Pio. "So we’ll let the intergalactic banks worry." "Wabbit, what did you do with the 79 trillion euro you borrowed from the Department?" asked Lapinette. "I put it on overnight deposit," said the Wabbit. "Wabbit!" yelled Lapinette. "Oh, it’s back in the vaults," said the Wabbit, "Exactly as it was?" "More or less," said the Wabbit. "Own up!" shouted Lapinette. "I slipped some monopoly money in with it." Lapinette was too far away to kick the Wabbit’s shins. "Why would you do that?" she sighed. "To see what happens!" grinned the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit's Currency Deal

The Alien Pilot made his way to Pluto Park where Pio Pulcinella waited to convert the Wabbit’s 79 trillion euro, quietly borrowed from the treasury vaults at the Department. As usual, Pluto Park was deserted. No-one there ever looked up, so the asteroid went unnoticed. "You look strange," said the Pilot to the waiting figure. "Which planet are you from?" "Napoli," said Pio. "Is it distant?" asked the Pilot. "Light years," said Pio. "Let’s see the colour of your currency," said the Pilot. Pio flipped the units and they span into the Pilot's waiting hand. "These are Squids," said Pio. "The Semi-Quasi Universal Intergalactic Denomination is fully transferable in participating planets from Andromeda to the Sombrero Galaxy." "Not here?" said the Pilot. "No," said Pio, "This is an unbearably provincial planet, not for the likes of us." "Then I must be off," said the Pilot. Pio waved farewell then paused. "Please drop off the asteroid at Planet OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb." Pio smiled. "Here’s another 50 Squid for your trouble." The Pilot stuffed his pockets with Squids and turned to go – but he suddenly turned back. "Perhaps I’ll visit your planet some day." He proffered a hand and Pio clasped it firmly. "The Planet Napoli will welcome you with a warm embrace," said Pio. "Does your planet have  a motto? asked the Pilot. "See Napoli and Die," said Pio, "so I wouldn't delay." "I hate delay," said the Pilot hurrying off. 

3. The Wabbit and the Video Link

Skratch the Cat showed the Alien Pilot into a rather sordid-looking viewing theatre in the Via Nizza, locking the door behind him. "Take a seat, the Wabbit will be with you soon." The screen lit up and loudspeakers hissed. "This is a two-way link, Mr Pilot," said the Wabbit in an echoing voice. "You may speak now." The Pilot stared at the screen. "Where’s my money?" he shouted. For a moment the screen flickered. "You made a deal," yelled the Pilot. "I did point you in my direction," lied the Wabbit, "but where is the valuable asteroid real estate?" "Hidden," said the Pilot. "That won't do," said the Wabbit, "because location is everything." "I want cash," said the Pilot. "Life is short and so is money," laughed Skratch. The Pilot looked at him threateningly. "My asteroid is composed of valuable material and I want compensation." "It must be mined," said the Wabbit. "You need a licence," said Skratch" "I want 79 trillion," said the Pilot. "Did I say net or gross?" asked the Wabbit. "You always say gross, Wabbit," advised Skratch helpfully. "Then take it or leave it!" shouted the Wabbit. "Aaaaagh!" scowled the Pilot and he struck a fist on his seat. The Wabbit smiled sickeningly from the screen. "Listen carefully, Pilot. I will pay, but you have to take it to a designated place for conversion - unless you want euro." "I’d rather die," said the Pilot. "I have a licence for that," said the Wabbit.

2. Skratch and the Alien Outfitter

Skratch found the Alien Pilot in a remote spot, because that was the sort of thing he did well – no one knew exactly how. "Do you like your new suit?" asked Skratch, "it’s the best I could find and worth a king’s ransom!" "I hate kings," said the Pilot. "Well, a president then," said Skratch, "it’s all the same in business." "Now look, cat!" said the Pilot, "I want my money and I want it soon." "Well the Wabbit has it for you, safe and sound," said Skratch, "he knew you’d arrive here." "Then where is he?" groaned the Pilot." "Oh, that’s for me to know and you to consider," purred Skratch, "but he’s quite the wheeler-dealer. He knows a good wheel and the right person to appreciate just how round the wheel is." "What do you get out of this?" asked the Pilot suspiciously. "A small fee, nothing much," purred Skratch. "I do it for love really, a kind of hobby." The Pilot snorted. "I hate hobbies!" "Everyone should have a hobby," said Skratch, "you need to get outside yourself, let out your corsets." The Pilot snarled. "I hate ...”  he shouted. " ... corsets!" finished Skratch. "Let’s be on our way. The Wabbit is waiting." "I wouldn’t like to keep that Wabbit waiting," sneered the Pilot. "He can be tetchy," said Skratch, "so we won’t be late." "We don’t have an actual appointment," sighed the Pilot. "Yes, I’m afraid we do," said Skratch. "I hate appointments," said the Pilot.

1. The Wabbit and the Alien News

The Wabbit gazed enthralled at a map he'd borrowed from Susan the Biplane’s cockpit, but not for long. "Commander, you need a different map," said Wabsworth in excitement. "I already know Turin, Wabsworth," murmured the Wabbit. "I need no map." "You don’t know what’s happening!" said Wabsworth, raising his voice. "There’s an alien!" "Any particular alien?" enquired the Wabbit. Wabsworth was aghast. "Four eyes, eight ears, space suit, scowly look!" Lapinette turned to the Wabbit. "You did say the Alien Pilot might pop up anywhere," she said and kicked him under the table. "Here isn’t anywhere!" yelled Skratch. "Here’s here!" The Wabbit thought very long and very hard. And then he spoke. "Good grief," said the Wabbit. "Of all the towns in all the universe, he had to appear in mine!" "We have to find him and quickly," said Lapinette. "Well, he’s looking for us," said the Wabbit, "or more precisely, his money." Lapinette shook a paw. "How much did you tell him the asteroid was worth?" "79 trillion euro," said the Wabbit. "And the rest!" groaned Skratch. "The Wabbit suddenly grinned. "We could pay him the 79 trillion." Lapinette stared. "Kind of," smirked the Wabbit. Lapinette’s eyes shot in the air. "Then we could send him to our special contact who will convert the currency." The Wabbit shook with mirth. "He already fell for that one," said Skratch. "I’m getting to that," laughed the Wabbit. "You’re sinister," said Lapinette. 

10. Wabsworth and Something Curious

Wabsworth, the Wabbit’s android double, was merely hopping through the porticos to pass the time of day when he heard two things. One was the drone of Susan the Biplane bringing the Wabbit home from space. The other was a strange conversation in which the Wabbit was mentioned. Wabsworth shuffled behind a pillar and listened carefully. "I seek a John Kepler," said the Alien Pliot. "Commander Wabbit says he is interested in buying my asteroid." "You’re not a local," said Copernicus, "so just how did you get here?" "One second I was in slipstream drive," said the Pilot, "and the next I was sitting here with you." There was an awkward silence. "I want my money," said the Pilot. "Well you won't get it from Kepler," said Copernicus, "he’s always completely broke." "That Wabbit!" shouted the Pilot. "I never trust them myself," said Copernicus. "Can I interest you in a drink?" "My only interest is is financial," said the Pilot. "I can’t help you there," said Copernicus, "but might I enquire exactly what is an asteroid?" "Usually, it’s a body that orbits elliptically around a planet." "Heavens," said Copernicus and lifted his drink. "I know all about that, so here’s to revolutions!" He drained his drink and called for another. "That Wabbit is here," muttered the Pilot, "I can feel it in my conduits." Copernicus shook his head, then pointed. "I’m unfamiliar with Turin, but look! Isn’t that a wabbit over there?" But Wabsworth had gone.  

9. The Wabbit & the Peaceful Blue Planet

Susan the Biplane dropped out of slipstream and the Wabbit looked down. "Africa!" said the Wabbit. "Soon be home, Sir," said Susan, "perhaps there’s a Welcoming Committee." "Carrot aperitivi all round," murmured the Wabbit. Susan banked suddenly but the Wabbit kept his eyes on the blue planet. "It looks so peaceful from up here," he said. The radio crackled noisily. "Commander Wabbit, this is Wabbit Control, over." "Commander Wabbit receiving you loud and clear. Pleased to be back, over." smiled the Wabbit. "Report for a debriefing," said Control, "and leave that meteorite with the Lab." The Wabbit scowled and he pretended to make static sounds. "Control, I didn’t quite ... crick, whoosh, crackle." The Wabbit switched the radio off.  "Atmospherics, what can you do?" "Did you want to keep the meteorite, Sir?" "Yes, it might come in handy," said the Wabbit. "What for, Sir?" said Susan. "I haven’t the faintest idea," said the Wabbit, yawning. "We’ll be a while, Sir," stated Susan, "would you like a nap?" "Yes I am feeling sleepy," said the Wabbit and he snuggled down in the cockpit. "Where would you like to wake up, Sir?" said Susan. The Wabbit’s voice was quiet. "On a beach," he murmured. “And who would you like beside you?" Susan could hardly hear his reply but she thought she heard him say, "Lovely Lapincroft." The Wabbit was fast asleep. 

8. The Wabbit and the Silence of Tractors

Back with Susan the Biplane, the Wabbit engaged the tractor beam and locked it to the Alien Pilot’s asteroid. "I wish I could hear the tractor beam," said the Wabbit. "There’s no sound in space, Sir," answered Susan. "Oh, I know - isn’t it a pest!" said the Wabbit. Silently, the tractor beam pulled the asteroid across space and then, when it reached the Wabbit’s coordinates, reversed thrust. Now powered by Susan’s quantum engines, the asteroid glowed blue in the slipstream tunnel  - and it shimmered as it headed for Andromeda and Planet OGLE TR 56B. The Wabbit watched for a while and then he murmured, "Cut the slipstream drive, Susan." "Sir?" queried Susan. "That’s an order Susan," snapped the Wabbit and he looked into deep space. He could just make out the smallest of blips on the event horizon as Susan terminated the drive. A silence fell as Susan programmed coordinates for home. "Sir?" she asked. "Yes," said the Wabbit. "There is no firm of Kepler, Copernicus and Brahe, Sir." The Wabbit grinned. "I made it up!" "That was fibbing sir," responded Susan. "It’s in my job description," said the Wabbit, shaking his head at the thought of his annual review. Susan persisted. "What will happen to the Pilot?" "He’ll pop up somewhere," shrugged the Wabbit. "Won’t his employers be looking for their property?" asked Susan. "I suppose they will," laughed the Wabbit. "Well now they’ll be looking for us," said Susan.

7. The Wabbit & the Spiders from Mars

The Wabbit rose and hopped rapidly from the bridge. "I won’t mess with the red spiders from Mars," he said, shaking his head. Outside, Marshall Duetta Spyder and her cohorts began to weigh heavily on the structure and the Pilot’s craft shook violently. Interior lights dimmed as more and more spiders clung to the fuselage. The Wabbit looked back alarmed. "They’ll asset-strip your asteroid until there’s hardly a spare quark left," he hissed. "So I’m off while I still have fur. Stay if you like." "Stop!" shouted the Pilot. The Wabbit hesitated and stared steadily. "About that trade?" grimaced the Pilot. "We'll see, but it's difficult now," muttered the Wabbit. "You really shouldn’t have waited."  "Don’t leave me to these spiders," said the Pilot, "I hate spiders." The Wabbit considered, then appeared to come to a decision. "Just give me time to get back to my craft and we’ll fix you in our tractor beam." "Then?" asked the Pilot. "Slipstream drive to the Planet Ogle -you'll be there in a trice." "Where’s Ogle?" said the Pilot. "Ogle-TR-56b," said the Wabbit.  "John Kepler of Kepler, Copernicus and Brahe will meet you." The Pilot gazed at the spiders and shifted uncomfortably. "How will I know this Kepler?" "Have no fear," said the Wabbit, "he’ll keep an eye open for you." 

6. The Wabbit & the Value of Asteroids

The Wabbit took a seat. "You might know who I am, Pilot," he said, "but you don't know what you’ve got." The Pilot shook his head and the Wabbit winked. "How much are you paid?" he asked, baldly. "Not enough to deal with the likes of you," said the Pilot. The Wabbit laughed. "You’re sitting on a desirable piece of real estate." "It’s just an asteroid," sighed the Pilot. The Wabbit laughed again in a particularly irritating laugh that he kept for special occasions. "It’s worth 79 trillion of our euro coins." With a flick of his paw, the Wabbit produced a sparkling meteorite and thrust it under the nose of the Pilot. "This chunk flew off when we arrived," he smiled. "But since you don’t value it, I’ll just keep it in my fur." The Wabbit tucked it away. The Pilot was silent for some time and then he snarled. "And how would I realise my asset?" "I have contacts," said the Wabbit. The Pilot blinked with four eyes. "How do I find them?" "We’ll send you in our slipstream drive using a reverse tractor beam," said the Wabbit, "then my trader will pay you handsomely for your bijou M-class asteroid." The Pilot began to shake his head. "I don’t like the sound of it," he grunted. "Take it or leave it," drawled the Wabbit, "but you’ll be sorry." "Oh do me a favour," scoffed the Pilot. "I’ve heard of you and your rabbit tricks." The Wabbit fidgeted, then abruptly looked up with a look of horror. "No!" he exclaimed. "Look over there!" 

5. The Wabbit and the Alien Pilot

The Wabbit hopped to the structure and gazed inside. "Hullo!" he said in the worst Glasgow accent he could do. "Would yez spare a wee tate aviation fuel for a wee bit rabbit?" "I hate rabbits," said The Pilot. "Ach, ah know what ye mean," said the Wabbit and he waved a paw. "No animosity, by the way." "What do you really want?" said the Pilot. "Company," said the Wabbit thinking on his feet. "The time of day, a wee bit craic." "Go away," said the Pilot. A silence fell, only to be interrupted by the Wabbit. "Are ye up for a gala dinner?" "I hate gala dinners," said the Pilot, "so be off with you. I must coalesce with the Planet Earth shortly." "Planet Earth?" said the Wabbit. "Surely not?" "Why not?" asked the Pilot. "Awful place," said the Wabbit. "I wouldnae go there if it was the last place in the Universe." "Continue," said the Pilot. "The place is used up," said the Wabbit, "It’s a weed awa’. Nasty clarty planet!" The Pilot’s eyes flickered. "I will complete my task." "Think better of it," said the Wabbit. There was a pause while the Pilot made an adjustment to his intercom. The Wabbit was impatient and knocked loudly. "There’s a better place than Earth!" he shouted. "Where?" asked the Pilot. "Uranus," smiled the Wabbit. The Pilot suddenly turned. "I hate Uranus!" "Och!" said the Wabbit. The Pilot scowled. "And I know who you are, Commander Wabbit ..."

4. The Drunken Rabbit Manoeuvre

Susan the Biplane closed on the asteroid and orbited for a closer look. "Whoa! That looks unusual," said the Wabbit. "What sort of creature lives in a house like that?" Susan continued her orbit." I think I can make out detail, Sir." The Wabbit stared at the structure. "We’d better investigate," he said finally. "Do you want me to land, Sir?" asked Susan. "Hang on Susan, Let’s give a false impression, just to be on the safe side." Susan orbited again. "You trained at Wabbit Air Arm?" asked the Wabbit." "I did, Sir." "Then you know the manoeuvre called the Drunken Rabbit?" "Yes Sir, but it’s reserved for senior officers and reckless students." "Drunken Rabbit, that’s an order!" hissed the Wabbit. Susan threw herself high and dived straight down. "Stall! stall! stall!" yelled the Wabbit with glee. "Bank angle! Bank angle!" yelled Susan and she calmly twisted sideways and spiralled towards the ground. "Perhaps you'd like the controls, Sir," gasped Susan. "I certainly would," said the Wabbit. Snow loomed white as the Wabbit headed for the largest drift he could see. Then he lifted Susan's nose, climbed, levelled and flew six metres from the surface, barely missing the strange structure. "Brr, it’s cold," said the Wabbit, propelling the plane upwards. "I saw a shape," said Susan. "Someone’s in," said the Wabbit. "Make 'em think we’re really stupid." The air screw whined and blasted snow to all sides as Susan hurtled straight into a snowdrift.

3.The Wabbit and the Rogue Asteroid

"Where is it?" asked the Wabbit. "My coordinates say it should be here." "Behind you Sir," said Susan the Biplane. "Oh," said the Wabbit. "Creepy thing." The Wabbit had a think about what to do and he hung from the biplane and pondered. "What do asteroids usually do?" he thought. "Asteroids are minor planets orbiting around celestial bodies," said Susan. "Why does everyone know what I’m thinking!" snapped the Wabbit. "Independent thought, Commander," said Susan, diplomatically. "Well, this one isn’t orbiting. It has a definite trajectory. It's almost as if it has a mind of its own," growled the Wabbit. "Sometimes they seem to," said Susan, "but technically it’s just a lump of rock." "Maybe." The Wabbit hummed a tune. "You can knock be-bop and you can knock swing. Say what you want about any old thing." "Commander?" said Susan. "But don't knock the rock," said the Wabbit. Susan wheeled and now that he was the right way round, the Wabbit looked properly. The asteroid was big, rugged and mean. "It's getting bigger,  we’re in its way," suggested the Wabbit. "Do you have visiting cards?" asked Susan. The Wabbit laughed. "Yes, they say 'The Wabbit called but you were out. Please ensure you are in the next time.'" "Perfect" said Susan and she orbited around the asteroid. "There’s a landing place!" pointed the Wabbit.

2. When the Wabbit met Susan

"Here we go again," said the Wabbit. Then as an afterthought. "How are you feeling, Susan?" "Bristol fashion Sir!" said Susan the Biplane eagerly. The Wabbit let some time elapse. "Your first mission, Cadet?" he murmured. "Raring to go, Sir," said Susan. The Wabbit waited a long time and then barked suddenly "List specifications, Cadet!" "Bio-atmosphere, gravity field, shield and stealth cloak." "What about quantum slipstream drive?" asked the Wabbit. "Yes Sir, sorry Sir," said Susan. The Wabbit relaxed in his seat and dangled a paw out of the cockpit. "How fast is it?" "It's 9.999945, Sir." The Wabbit pretended to consider coordinates. Then he said in a low voice. "Any reprimands on your record, Cadet?" "One, Sir!" replied Susan. The Wabbit leaned back. "I landed on a motorbike race, Sir." The Wabbit hid a smile. "What happened Cadet?" "I won Sir," said Susan. There was a long pause. "I’ve considered the matter," said the Wabbit. "Yes Sir," said Susan mournfully. "You’re promoted to Captain. Now remind me, what will that slipstream drive do?  "It’s still 9.999945 Sir," "Then go for 10," said the Wabbit, “we're hunting asteroids!" "Knock knock," said Susan confidently. "Who’s there?" smiled the Wabbit. "Nasty," said Susan." "Nasty who?" sighed the Rabbit. "Nastyroid!"  yelled Susan. There was a lurch and the Wabbit’s ears flattened as the little biplane dived into a sub space tunnel.

1. The Wabbit & the Impossible Mission

The Wabbit responded to Lapinette's invitation to meet him in a secret location near the railway station. "We’ve had alarming news," said Lapinette. "Alarming," repeated the Wabbit, striking the fuselage of an old plane. "Yes it is!" sighed Lapinette." "I see," murmured the Wabbit, "so why did you invite me to this draughty hangar?" Lapinette hopped slightly. "An asteroid is on a collision course with earth and it's heading straight for Turin." "Turin," mused the Wabbit and he silently continued to investigate the plane. "You have to stop it," yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit fidgeted. "I don’t do asteroids," he said. "You do now," said Lapinette, "because no one else will." A silence fell. "This asteroid," said the Wabbit suddenly. "What’s its name?" "Fred!" snapped Lapinette. The Wabbit looked up. "That’s different, I changed my mind," he said. "How will I get to it?" Lapinette drew herself up to her full height. "This," she stated firmly, "is your plane." The Wabbit looked all round. He tapped the fuselage and it made a hollow, wooden sound. "I can’t go into space in this," he announced.  "It’s all we could find at short notice," said Lapinette. The Wabbit kicked a tyre and pointed at the plane. "I can’t remember its name," he said. "Susan!" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit brightened. "Oh all right," he decided. "But is Susan pressurised?" "I don’t know anything about her feelings," growled Lapinette. 

The Wabbit in the Old Abandoned City

The Wabbit had no luck finding the hole in the fabric of time that brought Cicero and the Agents of Rabit from ancient Rome. So they retired to the Old Abandoned City for a chat. "You’ll have to stay with us," said the Wabbit. "Oh no, I must get back - there’s much to do," said Cicero."There’s much to do here," replied the Wabbit. "The Department could use a good lawyer and an orator to boot." "Do what sort of things?" asked Cicero. "The Rights of Rabbits for one," said the Wabbit. "Then there’s the matter of public relations." "There was a silence and Cicero looked thoughtful.  "I’m not sure I quite mastered that one." The Wabbit winced. "It’s better you don’t go back anyway." Cicero looked with enquiry. "It’s not hard to foretell the past," stated the Wabbit. "Maybe you’re right," said Cicero, "I made many enemies." The Wabbit smiled and shrugged. "They didn’t fare too well." "What of Mark Anthony?" queried Cicero. The Wabbit made a vicious movement across his neck. "By his own paw," he said gravely. "I think I'll stay," said Cicero, "what’s my first job?" "Write me a speech along the following lines," said the Wabbit pondering for a moment. "I shall not rest until all world rabbits are united and achieve full emancipation. We shall suffer rabbit exclusion no longer." Cicero sighed. "I’ll see what I can do."

The Wabbits sing with Acker Bilk

The Wabbit had been asked to contribute to an Acker Bilk concert and as he took the stage beside the great jazz legend, he was trying to hide his nerves. He searched desperately in his fur and finally found something suitable. "Haven’t played this in a while," he chortled and he whacked a harmonica against his fur. "A clarinet and harmonica together?" asked Lapinette. "Oh yes, it’s quite the thing," said the Wabbit and he turned to Acker Bilk. Acker nodded gravely, lifted his clarinet and played a few notes. The Wabbit’s harmonica wailed. Then they both smiled as Lapinette lifted a paw. "A one, and a two and a one, two, three," rapped Lapinette and they started to play. Acker’s mellow notes filled the auditorium and Lapinette began to sing. "Won't you come along with me, to the Mississippi." Lapinette’s voice was husky, "We'll take a boat to the land of dreams. Steam down the river, down to New Orleans." The Wabbit's harmonica called plaintively and then he sang. "Oh, she’s glad to be, oh yes-sirree" "Where welcome's free and dear to me," crooned Lapinette. "Where she can lose .." sang the Wabbit and paused. "Lose my Basin Street Blues," sang Lapinette. Acker’s clarinet sang hauntingly and the Wabbit’s voice harmonised in a compatible single chord, descending in half steps. "Is that a line cliché?" asked Lapinette. "Works every time," sang the Wabbit.

12. The Wabbit hears the Philosopher's Stone

They all gazed in amazement as the ball fell into two halves, revealing a crystal of many sparkling colours. Then from the crystal emerged a shining rabbit, the like of which the Wabbit had never seen. Although the Wabbit was transfixed, he was aware of the reactions of his friends and could discern faint snatches of conversation. "It’s a rabbit. I can’t believe it," murmured Lapinette. "The Philosopher’s Stone is a rabbit," sighed Skratch. "How ineffable!" The Wabbit could hear Cicero making a speech. "The truth is eternally relevant and is presently true." Skratch seemed to call through layers of cotton wool. "The sign, the sign, the sign." The Wabbit gradually became aware of another voice. "Wabbit, you are the chosen one," said the shining rabbit. The Wabbit’s mind became clear as the crystal that emerged from the ball. "Chosen by whom?" he asked sharply. "By yourself," said the rabbit. "For what?" said the Wabbit. "For the great transformation that is yet to come." "I need to know more," said the Wabbit - but the shining rabbit was already disappearing into the crystal. "You already know," called a voice that the Wabbit recognised as his own. The Wabbit shook himself and suddenly he was back with his friends. "Did you hear what it said?" he asked. Everyone looked at the Wabbit, then looked at each other and shook their heads. "Hear what?" they asked. 

11. The Wabbit and Cicero's Lunch

Cicero was buying lunch and Snail had gone off with the order. "Cicero, how do they greet you in the Forum?" asked the Wabbit. "They hop on one foot and wink rapidly," said Cicero, and nearly smiled. "They call me Cicero usually, but behind my back they call me Big Kick Cicero." Lapinette stifled a giggle. "What kind of adventure was that anyway?" asked Skratch. "It’s not finished," said Lapinette, "because we haven’t seen the Philosopher’s Stone." "What’s it like?" said Skratch leaning on Cicero’s shoulder. "Not what you expect," said Cicero. "It’s ancient and powerful." "I heard it was a cornerstone that the builders of Solomon's Temple rejected," offered Skratch. He paused for attention, then continued. "It has symbolic value and, as such, it is ineffable." Cicero almost looked amused and glanced at the Wabbit. "Sorry, apologised the Wabbit, "he’s been going to evening classes." For a moment they all looked at the red ball and the Wabbit poked it three times. "How do you open it?" he said. "We must all stare at the ball and imagine what’s inside," said Cicero. The Wabbit stared intently until his eyes met in the middle. "What are you thinking about?" asked Lapinette. "A carrot aperitivo," said the Wabbit. Lapinette laughed. She was about to say, "It can’t look like a carrot aperitivo," when the ball began to revolve. It spun quicker and quicker and then without warning it broke clean through the middle ...

10. The Wabbit and the lingering Fuse

"What shall we have for dinner?" thought the Wabbit as he waited for the Agents of Rabit. "Jerusalem artichoke tubers, lightly braised perhaps." The Wabbit’s mouth began to water. "Curly carrot shavings as a side-dish and mixed salad," he added. In his mind, the Wabbit saw the waiter advance and he heard his voice. "To drink, Commander?"  Heavy paw steps nearly interrupted his imaginary dinner but not quite. "The usual," answered the Wabbit, lighting the explosive. For a while he watched the fuse fizz merrily. "Year in, in year out, the accursed Agents of Rabit," he moaned. "What a pest they are." He wondered for a moment if he would be happy without them. He decided not. "If they came this way," he mused, then Skratch and Lapinette have certainly captured the philosopher’s ball. I wonder what the stone looks like?" The fuse was half gone and it sputtered angrily. The Wabbit took aim then deliberately looked away. "I’m used to this," he thought. "What if I let them off? What if I got them to apologise? What if they could be reformed?" Then another voice broke in and this time it wasn’t in his head. "Hey stupid Wabbit," said the Chief Agent. "Your fur is last year’s colour." "Grrr, that’s it," thought the Wabbit. "They can insult me all they like but they won’t insult my fur." So he spoke calmly. "Come come," he said. "You know you go to pieces over me." "Huh?" said the Agent as he watched the explosive arc through the air and the flame reach the end of the fuse. "Oh, Kaboom," sighed the Agent of Rabit

9. Skratch takes the Wabbit's Route

Lapinette and Skratch barrelled down the road and Lapinette clutched the ball like grim death. "Which way did the Wabbit say?" shouted Skratch. "He said left right, left right, fly down the highway, creep down the alleyway," yelled Lapinette."He wasn't being chased by the hares of hell," grimaced Skratch. "He has a surprise waiting," gasped Lapinette. "It's always a surprise with the Wabbit," said Skratch. They puffed and panted. "The philosopher's stone inside the ball, what's it like?" he asked. "I haven't the foggiest  notion, does it matter?" breathed Lapinette. "It matters to them," said Skratch, looking over his shoulder. The Agents were gaining slightly and their shouts echoed in the ruins. "We'll roast you over hot coals" they shouted. "That's weak," yelled Lapinette. "We'll staple your ears to your paws," they cried. "That's better but still flabby," yelled Skratch. "Your bones will bleach in the sun," shouted the Agents. "At least we'll get good weather," said Skratch and he quickened his pace. "There's the alleyway now," yelled Lapinette, "and there's the Wabbit!" In the distance they saw the Wabbit gesture and duck down. "Did I see the Wabbit duck?" asked Skratch. "Well he's no chicken," laughed Lapinette and they dived out of sight.

8. Skratch trims the Marks

Skratch told the Agents of Rabit that the authorities were coming and made them move everything round the corner. Puffing and panting they finally threw their ball to Skratch and he began to juggle. "Watch your ball, watch your ball. Faster than they eye can see," he laughed. "It’s easy to spot the ball as it moves." The balls flew around and the Agents danced up and down. "Triple power will soon be ours!" they yelled. "The old blind cat can’t fool us!" Deftly, Skratch batted their ball behind a pillar and Lapinette rose gracefully to catch it. "Must be going, urgent appointment, completely forgot," she murmured and she sloped off as Skratch continued to juggle. Suddenly, Skratch hid the balls under the cups and stopped dead. "Now," he murmured, "where is that ball of yours?" "There it is on the left," said an Agent. Skratch lifted the cup and the Agents sighed. "Oh deary deary me," said Skratch. "How unfortunate. That’s my ball and now all the balls belong to me." "Give us back our ball!" shouted the Agents. "I really can’t see it," said Skratch. "My eyes, you know. Are you quite certain you gave me a ball?" "Yes!" screeched," the Agents. "Are you really sure?" said Skratch, scratching his head. The Agents advanced on Skratch. "Oh look, here it is," said Skratch and he bent down, overturned the table on the Agents and fled after Lapinette. "I never give suckers an even break!" he called over his shoulder. 

7. Skratch and the Three Ball Trick

Skratch set up his stall and started to shout. "Play the ball game!" he cried. "Triple your balls! Triple your balls!" Lapinette hopped up the steps. "I’d like to try," she smiled. "How does it work?"  "All you have to do," said Skratch loudly, "is to give me your ball and keep your eye on it. If you can guess where your ball went, then you can keep all the balls." "And if I guess wrong?" said Lapinette. "Then I keep your ball, but that seldom happens," said Skratch. "OK," said Lapinette and she bounced her ball in the air and gazed as Skratch juggled. A few Agents of Rabit started arriving and they watched the balls spin round and around. Skratch’s paws blurred and suddenly the balls landed in the cups. The Agents goggled. "Where's your ball now?" asked Skratch. "It’s that one there," said Lapinette and she pointed to the middle cup. "Oh so it is," said Skratch sadly and he blinked rapidly. "I’m afraid my eyes aren’t as good as they used to be." Lapinette took all the balls and danced up and down with excitement. "It's so easy, can I do it again?" "You’ll ruin me," said Skratch sadly. "Would you take advantage of an old short-sighted cat?" The Agents of Rabit drew closer. "Perhaps we could try?" said the Chief Agent. "I don’t know," said Skratch. "I’ve lost too many of my balls today." "Just one more time!" they shouted with excitement. Skratch looked reluctant. "Oh all right," he sighed and he took the ball from the Chief Agent. "Equal Opportunities," he moaned. "After all, you might report me ..."

6. The Wabbit's Talk at the Taberna

Big Blue Snail was placed in charge of rustling up supplies for the planning meeting and he busied himself with gusto. "What’s on the menu?" asked the Wabbit. "I have mostly eggs and gloopy wine mixed with sea water," said Snail. "Fine," said the Wabbit with little enthusiasm. "What else?" said Skratch the Cat. "I found a large basin of garum," smiled Snail. "What’s garum?" asked the Wabbit. "It’s fermented fish sauce with salt. It’s very smelly and popular." "I’ll have some of that!" said Skratch. Lapinette twitched her nose. "Yuk," she said. "Surely there’s something else?" The greatest pleasures are only narrowly separated from disgust," said Cicero, "and we must sustain ourselves for the task ahead." "Bring it on Snail," said the Wabbit, "and I will tell you of my plan." Everyone went quiet. "They know they have the Stone and believe it‘s magic. So we must use magic against them." "There isn’t really magic as such" said Cicero. "They don’t know that," said the Wabbit. "Know any tricks?" "I know some tricks," said Skratch. "Then you’re in charge," said the Wabbit. "You are the magician and the Agents are your audience." "Do I get to wave my paws around?" asked Skratch. "Frantically. And promise to double what they’ve got," smiled the Wabbit. "Think they’ll fall for it?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit shrugged. "They’re tough but not over-bright." Cicero nodded gravely. "Everyone likes something for nothing," said Snail.