The Wabbit and the Battle for the Sky

The squadrons of wasps were upon them in an instant and the sound was deafening. Then, from what seemed like nowhere, another balloon rose from the ground and connected with the fractal webs. The Wabbit gaped and shook his head, because hanging from the basket was none other than Skratch the Cat. Grabbing two web pieces, Skratch held them together to better trap the legions of insects and as the wasps smashed into the web, they became hopelessly entangled. But there were more and more and more. They kept coming in enormous numbers and in the mêlée, some found their way around the mesh. The Wabbit pulled an automatic from his fur and started to fire. Lapinette produced another and released a rapid volley of shots that saw several creatures plunge to their doom on the rooftops below. "Where on earth did you hide that gun?" growled the Wabbit as he sent one more wasp spiralling to the ground. "In my garments," she said and whacked a wasp that came too close. "How many are there?" yelled the Wabbit. "It has to be finite," said Lapinette and she calmly shot two wasps with just one round. "How do you do that?" asked the Wabbit. "Oh, stop asking questions and keep shooting," shouted Lapinette. "When this is finished, I'll buy the aperitivi," said the Wabbit. "Yes you will, because this alliance was your idea," replied Lapinette. She picked up a weight and leaning over the side, casually dropped it on the last trio of wasps. "I'll bet that gave them a buzz," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit over Turin

"Are you sure this thing's safe?" yelled the Wabbit and his 28 teeth chattered in the wind. "I was assured it was," shouted Lapinette. "By who?" screamed the Wabbit. "Skratch!" shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit flicked his eyes upwards to the hot air balloon and then out over the rooftops. "Oooh." he said as a geometric black shape appeared and hairy tendrils snaked out to connect with the balloon and several points on the city. "The last of the Red Spiders!" roared Lapinette and she gazed entranced as Duetta span a series of fractal webs across the skyline. It wasn't a moment too soon. The Wabbit pointed to a swarm of ferocious wasp-like insects flying rapidly in from behind the Turin Hills. Even from far away he could see their vicious stinging tails and he gave an involuntary shudder. The formation dived sharply but just as they seemed to be upon the allies, Duetta tightened her ties. The web changed shape and somehow became a living thing with a mind. It reached out to trap the wasps and the insects threshed as they became hopelessly enmeshed. They tried to struggle of course, but it was all for nothing. Gradually their threshing died away and they lay inert in the sinewy tendrils of the fractal web. "That was quick," said the Wabbit, "we can go down now." Lapinette shook her head and pointed. "Look over there!" she cried and the Wabbit looked to the right. There, flying over the Alps were three large formations of wasps, all of them much larger than the ones they had trapped so easily. "We need reinforcements," muttered the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the great Leap

The three raced across the city at high speed, the Wabbit and Lapinette loping quickly to keep up with the rapid scuttle of Duetta - who made straight for the highest place in the city, the Mole Antonelliana. The Wabbit looked on as Duetta positioned herself on the side of a nearby building and then made the most surprising leap the Wabbit had ever seen. "Good grief!" said the Wabbit. It had been some time since the Wabbit had made his own surprising leap, which was from the the tip of this very building and it was out rather than up. "No helichopper required this time," muttered the Wabbit, "just look at her go." "Come on Wabbit, we need to fulfil our part of the mission," said Lapinette. "Where did you find our transport?" asked the Wabbit. "I pulled in some favours," said Lapinette. The Wabbit smiled because he was usually the one to acquire things in an unorthodox fashion. "How many lunches?" queried the Wabbit. "I don't know what you mean!" replied Lapinette. "How many did it cost you?" repeated the Wabbit. They both paused to watch Duetta land on the top of the spire. "A Gala Dinner," said Lapinette finally. The Wabbit suppressed a snort. "Am I invited?" he asked. Lapinette thought for a while. "As long as you don't make bad jokes at the wrong time," she said. "I seldom joke at a Gala Dinner," stated the Wabbit. Lapinette narrowed her eyes in disbelief. "How so?" she asked. "Too busy eating," smiled the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Blue Vial

Lapinette, the Wabbit and Duetta the Red Spider met in a hidden corner in a Palace in the centre of town. Looking over his shoulder, the Wabbit handed Duetta a small vial of blue liquid in a manner that can only be described as shifty." Duetta pounced on the vial immediately. "Did you mix it to my exact specifications, Commander?" she asked imperiously. The Wabbit nodded and then looked around cautiously. Lapinette scowled. "Did you wear gloves as I suggested?" she said. The Wabbit stared at Lapinette and his eyes narrowed, then suddenly flashed enormously wide. "I am the Rabbit God!" he cried. Duetta rattled her legs but Lapinette stamped a foot and shook a paw at the rabbit. "Of course," grinned the Wabbit, "I always keep keep sterile gloves in my fur."  Lapinette placed her paws on her hips and looked seriously at the Wabbit. "In case of forensic emergencies," he explained. Duetta ignored this badinage and grasping the vial, drank the contents in a single gulp. The Wabbit and Lapinette turned to watch Duetta, expecting something major to happen, but Duetta merely smiled. “Now we must hasten to a high place and prepare,"  she stated. But while Duetta sounded normal, her eyes started to revolve. And although they were whirling in spirals they easily captured Lapinette’s gaze. Lapinette looked into the spirals and couldn't take her eyes away. Her head begin to swim and she felt slightly dizzy. "What can you see?" she asked in a quivering tone. "Perfection," said Duetta.

The Wabbit looks for the right Stuff

The Wabbit quietly approached Skratch to obtain the dietary supplement that Duetta the spider required for her task. "Pssst," said the Wabbit. Skratch looked amused and placed a paw on the Wabbit’s head. "What can I get you, Wabbit?" he asked, ruffling the Wabbit between the ears. "I need some stuff!" hissed the Wabbit. "What kind of stuff?" whispered Skratch. "A special kind of stuff," said the Wabbit and he leaned in to Skratch’s fur and explained the Spider's plan. "Oh dear," said Skratch. "You can’t get that stuff." "What!" shouted the Wabbit in exasperation. "Shhhh!" said Skratch. "I meant it can’t be obtained legally." "Grrr," said the Wabbit. "But I can steal it," said Skratch cheerfully. "You definitely can’t buy it?" breathed the Wabbit.  "Unfortunately it’s on a list," murmured Skratch and he hummed a Tampa Red blues song. "And no matter how you try, you can't buy, you can't get that stuff no more." "Could you steal it and leave some money?" suggested the Wabbit, "If you insist!" said Skratch. "How much do you need anyway?" "Not much apparently," said the Wabbit, "will it take long?" The Wabbit drummed a paw on the floor impatiently and made a grinding sound with his teeth. "Chill out Wabbit, it’ll be with you in no time." The Wabbit growled and rummaged in his fur for cash. "And this spider woman, she’s really going to eat that stuff?" mused Skratch. "Yes, and then she'll spin awe-inspiring, WASP-defying designs," said the Wabbit in an enchanted voice. "Wow!" said Skratch. "If she takes the stuff, that lady's going to be spun!"

The Wabbit and the Spider's Plan

"Marchesa Lapinette of the Department?" said the spider, "Marshall Duetta Spyder at your service!" "The Red Spiders seek an alliance against the WASP," explained the Wabbit. "The Red Spiders," said Lapinette gently, "didn’t you disband? " "We fight on," said Duetta, making a complicated wavy sign with a front leg. Lapinette nodded and brought consideration to the matter in paw. "What of the Glistening Web Tendency?" she said gravely. "Captured," said Duetta. "The Fund Raiser faction?" queried the Wabbit. "Its members decided to be bank robbers," said Duetta. "Eternal Combat?" suggested Lapinette. "Sold out to the enemy for a pittance," replied Duetta. "Never-ending Web?" asked the Wabbit. "Wiped out by a chewing gum disaster in 1987," said Duetta. "So how many of you remain?" said the Wabbit in a matter of fact voice. "A few," murmured Duetta. Now Lapinette spoke sharply. "How many?" Duetta lifted her head proudly. "Just me! But I can replicate rather quickly." "The WASP are many," stated Lapinette. "And tenacious," said the Wabbit. "I have a plan," said Duetta. "Do tell," said the Wabbit, quivering with excitement. "It involves spinning fractal webs," she said. The Wabbit’s eyes glistened with delight but Lapinette eyes narrowed. "Webs aren’t fractals," she said categorically. "Mine are," said Duetta, "depending on my diet." She passed a badge to Lapinette and rattled her legs as Lapinette pinned it to her fur. "Now what shall we call our alliance?" "The Spin Hopsters," smiled the Wabbit. 

The Wabbit and the Red Spiders

The Wabbit hopped inside an entrance to get out of the rain and ran straight into an enormous web.  And the more the Wabbit struggled the more trapped he became. He reached into his fur for a multi-purpose tool that he bought in a market (and never used) when a shadow passed. The Wabbit found himself looking at a giant spider and the spider was staring back at him. Then both shrank away in surprise. The spider was first to recover. "Name, rank and number," she commanded. "Wabbit, Commander, 007/392," said the Wabbit. "Of the 400 Rabbits?" asked the spider. She stiffened to attention and gave a wavy salute with one of her eight legs. "I’m afraid you have the advantage of me," said the Wabbit, who had found the tool he wanted and was now cutting his way free. "I am Marshall Duetta Spyder of the Ragni Rossi" said the spider, "what on earth are you doing in my web?" "Ragni Rossi ...," murmured the Wabbit, considering his mental catalogue of irregular forces. "That's the Red Spiders. Didn’t you disband?" "Certainly not," continued the spider. "We continue underground and in the very interstices of the city." "Against the forces of WASP?" remembered the Wabbit. "They remain the menace they always were," said Duetta, "and my web was meant for them, not a rabbit." "That’s Wabbit - with a W," said the Wabbit. "And I am Spyder with a Y," said Duetta and then she paused and thought.  "Perhaps we should consider an alliance?" "Alliances come and go," shrugged the Wabbit. "But we should seize the time," stressed Duetta. "Well, while we’re seizing it, could you help me down?" said the Wabbit. 

The Wabbit and the Upset Rain

The Wabbit hopped down the Via Paolo Sacchi with his paws deep in his fur and as he hopped he complained. "I hop a tiresome hop," he muttered and he attempted to hop a pattern across the Escher-like frames on the sidewalk under the porticos. The Wabbit hated the rain. It was no secret that when the rain started, the Wabbit would bolt for cover and it was the fundamental reason he liked the porticos. When the weather was wet and inhospitable, he could hop for as many as 18 kilometres without sullying his fur. In this way he could hop in a complete circle across the city without as much as a single wet hair. But this wasn’t one of these days. Every evening for what seemed like months, the rain had hurtled down like bullets and that evening it bounced horizontally from the road, ricocheted into the porticos and straight onto the Wabbit’s coat. "Grr," said the Wabbit and he tried to smooth his fur down. But that just made things worse and he felt damp and miserable. "Oh why can’t the Department send me on a new mission?" he muttered to himself.  "I’m bored and I’m wet and I’m in a bad mood.," He stopped for a moment and listened to the deluge smash on the road outside. He could hear something else. Something besides rain. It was faint, but his ears were keen and they swivelled around like antennae. It was a hollow sound, somewhere between a rattle and a tick. "Even the rain sounds annoyed," grumbled the Wabbit.

Skratch, Ghost Bunny and the Cinema

Skratch the Cat Burglar headied to the cinema to watch a film called Bringing up Baby, not out of interest in leopards, but because he was writing a learned paper on director, Howard Hawks. It was due the next day and lateness made Skratch nervous.“Hello Skratch.” Skratch looked up to see Ghost Bunny emerge from a previous performance. She was the last being he wanted to meet, because Skratch never admitted to anyone, far less himself, that he was completely terrified of Ghost Bunny. He tried to hide this with a bonhomie that did little to convince Ghost Bunny - and in order to counter it, she also hailed Skratch like a long lost brother. “How’s the Wabbit?”  she cried with gusto. “Oh why do we always talk about the Wabbit?” asked Skratch. “He’s a wonderful role model,” said Ghost Bunny. “He’s a self-appointed hero and conceited too,” said Skratch. “What about you?” said Ghost Bunny, smiling to herself. “What’s that obscure film book you’re trying to hide?” “I’m not hiding it,” said Skratch, pushing it into his fur. “Leave it be", said Ghost Bunny, “you must foreground the signifier.” “You know about film?” gasped Skratch.”  I’m a Ghost of Pluto, First Class. I’ve seen all the films in this galaxy and beyond.” “Oooh!” said Skratch, “then you must have a favourite.” “I’m a scientific ghost and strictly neutral,” said Ghost Bunny. “Oh, go on, go on, go on,” said Skratch with enthusiasm and he danced from paw to paw. Ghost Bunny didn’t hesitate. “ Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,” she nodded.

The Wabbit and the Big Hit

The Wabbit and Lapinette hopped along the Corso Vinzaglio, deep in thought. “Well you’re very popular,” said Lapinette suddenly. The Wabbit cast a sidelong glance. “With the bomb in the market place, I mean,” added Lapinette. ” Sure,” said the Wabbit. “It had your name on it,” grimaced Lapinette. “I’m a smash hit!” replied the Wabbit. “Ah yes, of course,” said Lapinette. “Your enemies hit on you!” The Wabbit smiled. “Not quite,” he murmured. “That would imply an abrupt and disrespectful social manoeuvre.” “ Give me an example,” said Lapinette. “He hit on me for some cash,” scowled the Wabbit. Lapinette made enormous eyes and the Wabbit wasn’t sure if she was trying to pull his leg. He carried on regardless. “My enemies took out a hit on me,” said the Wabbit. “But they didn’t actually hit you,” smiled Lapinette.  “Fortunately not,” said the Wabbit. “If they’d hit me, they would have considered they had hit the nail on the head.” “But instead you hit the ground running,” suggested Lapinette. “More or less," grinned the Wabbit, ”I think you have the hang of it.” Lapinette thought and thought and then she found what she was looking for. “It’s just like that film with Sydney Poitier in it,” she said innocently. “Blackboard Jungle?” asked the Wabbit. “No,” smiled Lapinette. Without warning she dug him hard in the ribs and then in a low tone, whispered,  ”In the hit of the night!” 

10. The Wabbit is as good as his Word

Terni the Food Dragon took the Wabbit at his word and headed directly to a restaurant in Turin. And the Wabbit was as good as his word because he immediately ordered an artisan beer, made in Terni’s homeland of Umbria. "What’s new?" called a voice. They both turned their heads to see Lapinette hopping quickly across to their table. "Well, hello fair damsel," said Terni and flapped his cabbage wings. Lapinette wasn’t certain about being called a damsel, but she smiled sweetly. "Are you’re the Dragon that flew across restricted airspace?" " I’m afraid so," sighed Terni. "Twenty times," added Lapinette. Terni grinned. "Am in I trouble?" "I reported UFOs," said Lapinette." "I suppose I am one," said Terni and looked at his beer. "They don’t mind dragons here?" he asked. "They’re very inclusive," said the Wabbit. "I even see Befana the benevolent witch in here." "Haven’t seen her for hundreds of years," said Terni. "She comes every day," said the Wabbit, "and if I’m here she gives me candy." "I prefer beer," said Terni. "You’ve had three already," warned the Wabbit and he searched in his fur for more lunch vouchers, only to find them stuck to some old sweets. "Wasn’t Terni supposed to get a barrel of beer as part of his transfer fee," observed Lapinette. "I forgot!" moaned the Wabbit and he slapped a sticky paw to his forehead. Terni fluttered his wings. "Who’s that fellow behind us?" "Just a cardboard cut out," said the Wabbit, "he’s advertising a loyalty card." "I’m loyal," said Terni. "Then I’ll just take your details," said the cut-out.

9. Boom boom for the Wabbit

The Wabbit merely turned the bag upside down and the talking bomb dropped out, singing the while. "Everybody’s worried, about that talking bomb," sang the bomb, "but no-one ever worries about . .."  It never finished the verse. Four successive detonations boomed over the waves and the shock wave drove the dragon back on a course to home. "Boom, boom!" yelled the Wabbit. "Boom boom," said Terni the dragon in a nonchalant fashion. "We have turbulence, Dragon Heavy" shouted the Wabbit. "Pay no attention," said Terni as he zoomed inland. The Wabbit remained silent and for a while, all he could hear was the wind tearing at his fur. "Do you have any enemies?" The Wabbit could always hear Terni’s deep voice above anything the elements could offer. "Would you care to scan one of my lists?" replied the Wabbit. "Is it awfully long?" enquired Terni. "With several sub sections," said the Wabbit. "My goodness, do you always live in this adventurous manner?" asked Terni. "Sometimes we all stop for an aperitivo," said the Wabbit brightly. "Mine’s beer," said Terni. "The choice is yours," said the Wabbit, "my treat." Terni considered the matter. "Suddenly, food shopping seems a little dull," he said. The Department can always use a dragon on special secondment," said the Wabbit, secretly wondering how many meals he would have to buy to obtain the appropriate authority. "I’ll go through your list," said Terni, "and get your enemies down." "We’d all like that," chortled the Wabbit.

8. The Wabbit sings at the Coast

The Wabbit and Terni the food dragon soared across the countryside, carrying the talking bomb towards the sea. And all the way the bomb chattered incessantly. "Is there any way you can shut it up?" shouted Terni. "Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road," sang the bomb. "I don’t want to fiddle with it," yelled the Wabbit. "I’ll be glad to get rid of it," moaned Terni. "Vamos a la playa, aha ha ha ha!" sang the bomb. "Aaaaaagh," shouted Terni, "it’s doing my head in." "Only a little bit further," urged the Wabbit. "Out to sea a few kilometres and we’ll hear it no more." "How do you propose to get rid of it?" queried Terni. "I’ll just dump it," said the Wabbit. "Not with my bag you won’t," grimaced Terni. "I’ll get you a new bag," said the Wabbit. "Be so good as to save my brand new bag," uttered Terni. The Wabbit began to feel the bag carefully and started to turn it. But the bomb felt the movement and it sang even more. "I’m for ever blowing bubbles," sang the bomb, "pretty bubbles in the air." "We ought to join in with this one," said the Wabbit. "How does it go?" said Terni. "Like this," said the Wabbit and he started to sing. "He’ll fly so high, nearly reach the sky." The Wabbit warbled at the top of his voice. "Then like his dreams he’ll fade and die!" "I’m up for it," said Terni and he banked steeply and headed out over the water. 

7. The Wabbit and the Talking Bomb

The Wabbit gingerly lifted the object and held it tightly to his chest. "It’s ticking," said Terni the food dragon. "It is," said the Wabbit. "It has wires," said Terni. It does," said the Wabbit. "It looks like a bomb to me," ventured Terni. "It appears that way," said the Wabbit, "but I can’t read that writing, can you?" Terni scrunched up his eyes. "It says ... a present for the Wabbit." "How thoughtful," said the Wabbit. "Anything else?" "Made in China," said Terni. "Everything is, nowadays," mused the Wabbit and he listened closely to the ticking. Terni waited for what seemed like an age. "I think we have some time," said the Wabbit finally, "so pass me that bag." Terni gave his newly acquired shopping bag to the Wabbit and the Wabbit carefully placed the bomb inside. "Can’t hang around here, can we?" said Terni. "No, not a good idea," said the Wabbit gravely. "I’ve always wanted to be swiftly deployed," murmured Terni. "You've got your wish Terni," said the Wabbit "Grip me firmly and airlift us out." With lightning speed, Terni's talons closed on the Wabbit’s fur and in one sweep of his cabbage winds they were airborne. "Which way?" asked Terni. "Fregene and the sea," gasped the Wabbit. "I quite like the seaside," chatted Terni. "Is someone out to get you by any chance?" Suddenly the bomb spoke and they could hear its electronic whine above the wind. ”In the beginning, there was darkness," said the bomb, "and the darkness was without form, and void." "Oh do shut up!" shouted Terni and he shot into the sky.

6. The Wabbit and a Brand New Bag

The Wabbit and Terni the food dragon arrived at San Silverio Market and Terni had a good prowl round. "This is more like it," said Terni and looked about for cabbage leaves. "You’ll like it here," said the Wabbit. "The traders are most friendly and will no doubt reach an agreement regarding your beer." "They won’t mind a food dragon?" asked Terni. "They don’t mind anyone here," said the Wabbit firmly. "Then I would like to make a purchase," said Terni. "Speak to that young woman there," suggested the Wabbit. Terni lifted his head. "Excuse me young woman," he called. The woman turned. "How can I help you father?" she smiled. Terni was quite smitten and nudged the Wabbit. "I like it here," he said and turned back. "I am looking for a bag," he ventured. "Any particular sort?" asked the woman. "It must be green and capacious enough for my food shopping," said Terni. "Va bene," said the woman and rummaged through the bags on her stall. "And it should have a small inner pocket for my change," added Terni, "and when empty, it must fold  into a small pocket of its own." The woman produced a bag and Terni scrutinised the seams closely. "That will do nicely," he said. "One euro," said the woman. "A bargain!" said Terni to the Wabbit. "I’m so pleased," said the Wabbit, "but do you see that strange thing over there?" "Where?" said Terni squinting into the sun. "Oh yes I do see it, let’s take a closer look." "Go easy Terni," said the Wabbit. "No sudden noise and no vibration." Cautiously, Terni and the Wabbit inched closer to the object ...

5. The Wabbit interprets the Market

The Wabbit hopped along to the new Testaccio market, not far away. Terni the food dragon spotted him easily and swooped down to join him. They both looked around and at first glance, the Wabbit knew it wasn’t as bad as he had expected. But the Wabbit had a clear idea of what a market should be like. He felt the new building was far too regimented and not very exciting. He wanted to scruff it up a bit and rummage around. There were no old records or magazines and everything was so spotless it seemed sterile. The dragon watched the Wabbit quietly shake his head for some time and saw his ears flap up and down. Finally the Wabbit spoke. "Markets," quoted the Wabbit, "should be medieval in character and have limpidity." The dragon fluttered his wings. "What’s limpidity?" he asked. "Unambiguous. Transparent. Clear and easy to understand," said the Wabbit. "Like me," said the dragon. "Dragons are limpid by nature," said the Wabbit. "Not like you then, Wabbit?" stated the dragon, "Regretfully no," said the Wabbit. "No offence," said Terni the dragon. "None taken," said the Wabbit and he paused to consider the matter of markets. Suddenly an idea flashed into the Wabbit’s head and he smiled broadly at Terni. "What about a transfer?" "To a new market?" asked Terni. "Exactly!" said the Wabbit. "Will there be a transfer fee?" shrieked Terni with delight. "We’ll negotiate something," said the Wabbit. "15 kilograms of cabbage," said Terni. "Anything else?" grinned the Wabbit. Terni folded his wings back, thought deeply, then made his decision. "I want a barrel of beer." "Now, that’s limpid!" yelled the Wabbit.

4.. The Wabbit and Social Change

The Wabbit was horrified to see Testaccio Market and stared at the food dragon. "What’s happened here?" he asked, "because this was a vibrant place full of hustle and bustle and people selling stuff." "They closed it," said the food dragon. "They can’t!" said the Wabbit and he stamped his hind leg in disgust. "There’s a new market of concrete and lights and niche products," said the dragon, "and they have no room for a food dragon like me." The Wabbit stamped his foot again. "They would not embrace your difference," he shouted. "I’m used to it," said the dragon. "There was once a saint who tried to make me mild." A ferocious heat emerged from the dragon's tongue and it singed the Wabbit's fur, so the Wabbit hopped back slightly. "How did that make you feel?"  he said, smoothing his fur with both paws. "Angry!" roared the dragon. Everything rattled. "I suggest you forgive him," said the Wabbit. "No!" roared the dragon. "Say it," said the Wabbit. "Say what?" said the dragon. "I forgive the saint." repeated the Wabbit. "I can't," said the dragon. "Try," urged the Wabbit. The dragon fluttered his wings and quietly murmured, "I forgive him." "Can’t hear you," said the Wabbit. "I forgive him!" roared the dragon and the Wabbit hopped back once more. "How do you feel now?" he asked. "Mildly irritated," said the dragon. The Wabbit bared a 28 toothed grin. "My work is nearly done!" he smiled. "Now let’s take a look at this awful market. What’s your name, by the way?" "Terni," said the dragon. "Come on Terni, let’s see what the planners have done."  "Wabbit, what do planners eat?" asked Terni. "Their words, usually," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Dragon's Fare

"Whoah hooah!" said the Wabbit as the food dragon whisked him into the sky and past the Vatican dome. The Wabbit's ears were firmly in the grip of the dragon’s talons and the air tore at his fur as they flew across the rooftops. "Where precisely is your destination?" asked the Dragon. "Testaccio Market," yelled the Wabbit. "Pistachio market, I call it," said the food dragon, "so that will be 7 euro."  The Wabbit didn’t have the breath to argue and anyway he thought it was a fair enough price. Somehow, the dragon seemed to know what the Wabbit was thinking. "That’s a special price, because it’s where I live and I’m on my way home." "To your den?" suggested the Wabbit. "I don’t have a den," said the dragon. "I have a lair." "OK, lair," agreed the Wabbit for the sake of peace. "You can help me because I’m seeking a dragon that been disturbing the population." "I’m not disturbed, I’m a perfectly balanced dragon," cried the dragon and he showed the Wabbit what he meant by swooping rather close to a spire. "Not that sort of disturbation," said the Wabbit clenching his ears as best he could manage. "I meant the general population kind of running around shouting "Don't Panic!" disturbation.". "Oh them," said the dragon. "They’re quite silly." "When will we get there?" asked the Wabbit, who was becoming impatient and his fur was feeling aeriated. "After I get my shopping," said the dragon. "What shopping?" asked the Wabbit. "Food shopping," said the dragon. The Wabbit laughed. "Why did the corn stalk get mad at the farmer?" he ventured. "I give up," said the dragon. "He kept pulling its ears!" yelled the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit and the Food Dragon

The Wabbit took a short cut through the tunnel that routed the Galleria Principe Amedeo di Savoia underground by the Vatican then down to the Tiber. The Wabbit thought that name was far too long for a tunnel and besides it was extremely polluted and rather unpleasant. So he pinched his nose to avoid breathing fumes and hopped quickly towards the other end. He was just half way through when he became aware of a periodic roaring but he shrugged it away, because he assumed it must be someone showing off a new Ferrari. "How vulgar," he muttered and carried on. Then he felt a strange heat at his back. "Hot day," thought the Wabbit, "especially in this tunnel," and he fanned his fur with both paws. Then a roaring echoed back and forward between the tunnel walls and a wind ruffled the Wabbit’s fur and made it prickle. "Must be a summer storm," thought the Wabbit and he carried on hopping. But for an instant he caught a whiff of fresh vegetables and being unable to explain this away, he glanced over his shoulder. A green dragon swooped through the tunnel at crazy angles, looming closer and closer. Suddenly the dragon screeched to a halt and looked at the Wabbit as if he were mad. The Wabbit shrugged and looked back as if he wasn’t. "Roar?" said the dragon.  "Grrr?" said the Wabbit, because he couldn’t think of a suitable utterance. "Roar!" bellowed the dragon and shot off. The Wabbit peered towards the exit as the dragon’s wings obscured the light and made everything dim, But then to his astonishment, he saw him swooping back. The Wabbit ducked as the dragon passed him again, then flinched as it circled round and picked him up by his ears. "This way," said the dragon.

1. The Wabbit hears of a Dragon

Lovely Lapinette emerged from the electronics shop clutching some kind of machine and the Wabbit descended on her with delight. "Let me make a few adjustments," said the Wabbit. "No!" cried Lapinette but she was too late and the Wabbit did something and handed it back. "I’ve told you about this before," said Lapinette. "It’s fine," said the Wabbit, "It voids the warranty," said Lapinette. "That's not worth the cardboard it’s written on," said the Wabbit. "Well, all I can say is that it's a good thing you have a new mission. It will keep you out of trouble." "Oh," said the Wabbit, "does it involve complexity?" "It's simple. You have to go to Rome, there's a strange dragon flying around." The Wabbit looked curiously at Lapinette and paused to consider what other kind of dragon there might be. "I’ll pack my dragon accessories," he smiled. "What kind of accessories?" said Lapinette with alarm. "Pots and pans," said the Wabbit. "You can get these in Rome," said Lapinette, "it’s not the desert." "I prefer my own," said the Wabbit. "Anything else?" said Lapinette. "Depends what country it’s from," said the Wabbit. "You know an awful lot about dragons," said Lapinette. "Dragonology," replied the Wabbit. For a moment there was silence. "Perhaps it will grant me a wish," murmured the Wabbit, "and I'll ask for peace and quiet." "Be very careful about what you wish for," advised Lapinette, clasping her machine close. "Don’t press that red button!" shouted the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and Film Criticism

The wabbits met at a caffè they hadn’t been to before and sheltered from the baking sun. They had just begun to discuss what kind of adventure they had, when they saw Skratch hove around the corner. “You settle this Skratch," called the Wabbit. "You’ve been to lit-crit class," added Lapinette. "I’ve been perusing Jump Cut magazine," said Skratch. "Oh really?" muttered the Wabbit. "I thought that old film journal died with film criticism years ago!" "It’s online now," said Skratch, "and I’ve been reading about a film called Taxidermia  - the taxidermist was consumed alive by speed eating cats."  "Yuk!" said Lapinette and she tried desperately to change the subject. "I do like your new CAT logo, Skratch," she said. "It’s very striking." The Wabbit wrinkled his nose. "The serif isn’t quite right," he said. "I shot the serif," said Skratch. "What about his deputy?" asked the Wabbit. "I didn’t shoot no deputy," said Skratch, "just the serif. Is it a capital offence?" "No, not in self defence," said the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed. "What are you two on about?" she asked with an exasperated voice. "We were deciding what our War Games adventure could be called," said the Wabbit, "but we got diverted." "I think it was an ambivalent text that appealed to a broad audience, but despite its feminist pretensions it emerged somewhat flawed," said Skratch. “Everyone’s a critic," smiled the Wabbit. "There are no proper film critics any more," said Lapinette. "Definitely," said the Wabbit. "The new ones think Pasolini designed sunglasses." 

14. The Wabbit and the Quiz Playoff

The two contestants gathered for the War Game quiz decider in the courtyard of the Department of Wabbit Affairs, and waited expectantly. "Leeeet the contest begin," drawled Skratch and threw his paws wide. "First question, Wabbit," said Robot, "what is the brightest city that be seen from outer space." "Viva La Vegas,” sang the Wabbit. "Correct," yelled Skratch. "Lapinette, if you’re in third place in a race and you overtake the Wabbit, who's in front, in which position are you?" "Second," said  Lapinette. "Correct," said Robot. "Wabbit, what’s a bad place to fall asleep?" "Concrete," said the Wabbit. "Mmmm. I’ll give you that one," said Robot. "Lapinette, what world figure once appeared in a TV show in his pyjamas?" asked Skratch. "Fidel Castro," said Lapinette quickly. "What?" gasped the Wabbit. "Invece e' vero!" said Skratch, "correct answer." The Wabbit hid a scowl and smiled sweetly but ground his teeth nonetheless.  "Level so far," said Robot, "and the first to answer the final question wins the contest." "What is 5 to the power of zero?" asked Skratch  "One!" screamed the Wabbit hysterically. Lapinette looked at him wryly because she knew the Wabbit was right and that he was the winner. "Not finished yet," said Skratch, "because in order to fully answer the question, you must say why." "Everything to the power of zero is one," explained the Wabbit. "That's only a convention," sighed Lapinette. "Sometimes being conventional pays off," said the Wabbit. "For once," smiled Lapinette sweetly, "so when's our rematch?" "In due course," grinned the Wabbit. "But first, you owe my team lunch."

[Invece e' vero: Despite what you might think, it's true.]

13. The Wabbit receives Judgement

The teams gathered at the judges’ chambers for the final adjudication. The Wabbit had applied various solvents (which he kept in his fur) to the sticker - but it was still firmly glued to his ear along with some paint from the prison gates.  Skratch was the first judge to speak. "It was very close. Very close indeed." "Both teams excelled in different areas," said Robot," and I have computed the margins." "It’s obvious we won!" cried the Wabbit. "Silence in my court!" boomed a familiar television voice from Robot’s chest. "Judge Judy isn’t on the panel!" shouted the Wabbit. "I’m running a Judge Judy algorithm," said Robot firmly, "which I generated from no less than ten thousand of her judgements." "Grrr!" said the Wabbit. "The result is a draw in both sections," said Skratch. “The Wabbits excelled on innovation and trickery," said Robot. “The Lapinettes were best at cunning and rapid force," said Skratch. There was silence.  "It can’t be a draw," shouted Wabsworth from the balcony, "because I’m not doing it again!" "No need," said Robot. "Team leaders will assemble for a decider." Lapinette looked smug because she was more than confident. The Wabbit groaned. "I hope it isn’t a quiz," he muttered to himself. "The decider will be a quiz," said Robot. The Wabbit pretended to smile. "I love quizzes," he lied, "and I know a good question." Everyone turned to the Wabbit. "Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the can?" he asked.

12. The Wabbit gets Stuck

The Wabbit climbed on Wabsworth's shoulders and was about to stick the last sticker on the last war game target, when Lapinette’s team came hopping round the corner of the Old Abandoned Prison.  "Grrr," he muttered as the blue sticker wafted in the wind and stuck to his paw. "Up a bit, Wabsworth," he cried. Wabsworth gave a grunt and pushed. The Wabbit shot upward and attached the blue sticker, then his ear to the prison gate. "Grrr," he said again. "Paws up you lose!" said Fitzy at the front of the red team. The Wabbit waved a limp paw. "It’s paws down, I win," he said, "because our sticker is attached to the gate." "Yes indeed," said Lepus. "Stands to reason," said Khargoosh. Lapinette shook her head firmly."No, Blue Team, the Wabbit is attached to the sticker so it doesn’t count. It’s really the Wabbit that’s stuck to the gate." "Well, the sticker should be of better quality, it won’t come off my fur," grumbled the Wabbit. But then it suddenly slipped a bit and the Wabbit slid down too. Wabsworth sagged but the Wabbit remained stuck. "It’s up to the judges now," said Wabsworth. "They'll decide who wins and who loses." "Oh no, no, no," said Lapinette. "I’m pointing my weapon at you Wabsworth, and you lose." "On the contrary, I’m pointing my weapon at you Lapinette, and it’s a standoff " said Wabsworth. "Grrr. How long will the judges take to get here?" asked the Wabbit, trying to disengage from the sticker without the slightest success. "It’ll be a while so you’re obliged to stick around," laughed Lapinette.

11. Lapinette and the Army Truck

Lapinette’s Red Team was fortunate indeed. On a road just east of the railway line, they spotted a passing army truck, so Lapinette flagged it down. Frowning with much authority, she waved some very important looking papers. Then while the driver was distracted, Tipsy, Mitzy and Fitzy dived into the cab from the other side and pushed the unfortunate fellow into the street. Handing him a Metro ticket, Lapinette leapt into the driver’s seat, let the throttle out and the truck bounded forward. "Yippee!" shouted Fitzy at the rear, "Give it all you’ve got!"  "It’s a truck, Fitzy, not a Lamborghini," sighed Lapinette as she steered an unorthodox route through Lingotto and headed for the railway bridge to intercept the Wabbit’s team. "What were these important papers, Trixie?" asked Mitzy. "Carrot Club membership documents," said Lapinette. "You’re a member?" asked Tipsy. "No, but the Wabbit is," smiled Lapinette. and she swerved violently onto Via Nizza. "Did you ... steal them from him?" gasped Mitzy, her teeth chattering as they hit a section of cobbled road. "I had them in safekeeping. They were in his spare coat when I took it to the cleaners," said Lapinette calmly and she swerved left again and pushed the pedal to the metal. People leapt out of their way as the truck rumbled and clattered across the Corso Dante bridge. "Where did you learn to drive, Trixie?"  laughed Fitzy, The engine roared and the gears crashed as Lapinette drove straight through a barrier. "The Panzer Division!" she laughed.

10. Lapinette and the Runaway Train

The Big Red Train was as good as his word and the Red Team found themselves misdirected and searching an empty train. They were far from pleased and kicked the seats and shouted fiercely. "Come out with your paws up!" But no one emerged. They searched every carriage but there was no sign of anyone, far less the Wabbit and his intrepid band. They were just about to give up when the train suddenly clanged and lurched, then moved at speed along the platform. Before they could collect themselves the train had sped through Lingotto, disappeared into a tunnel and burst out into open countryside  "Cavolo!" cursed Lapinette who was using her code name, Trixie. "Fiddlesticks!" said Mitzy. "Botheration!" said Tipsy. "Sugar!" said Fitzy at the rear and she stamped with vexation. "What do we do now?" asked Tipsy. "The train goes directly to Milan," said Fitzy, who had the good sense to read the signs. "That’s two hours," said Mitzy. "And two hours back," said Tipsy. “I can count!" snapped Lapinette. "We need to get off and there’s only one way to do it." Fitzy looked delighted. "Pull the communication cord!" she yelled. "I’ve always wanted to." "Then what?" asked Tipsy. "Run for it," said Lapinette, "we’ll be back in half an hour if we commandeer a car." "I’ve never done that either," said Fitzy, clapping her paws. "Don’t we need authority?" asked Mitzy. Lapinette held up her snazer gun. "I am Trixie!" she said. "I’m all the authority anyone needs."

9. The Wabbit and the Talking Target

The Wabbit’s team blinked when they hopped into the morning light and surrounded the designated target.  But the Wabbit looked reticent and he hesitated. Wabsworth was quite aware of the Wabbit’s affection for Big Red Trains and called across. "It’s just an exercise Commander. Stick the sticker!" The Wabbit slapped the blue sticker on the front and looked up. "Is this an award?" said the Big Red Train. "Kind of," said the Wabbit. "But where’s your puzzle magazine?" asked the train.  The Wabbit was surprised. "Have we met?" "I took you to Rome twice," said the train. "Sorry, I’m not travelling today," said the Wabbit. "Well, perhaps I can assist you in some other way?" said the train. Lepus winked at Wabsworth. "Does he always speak to trains?" he asked. "All the time," said Wabsworth, "so listen and learn." The Wabbit’s eyes sparkled and he addressed the train with a jovial smile. "There is a way you can help us," he said. "Soon, some red eared wabbits will arrive and I want you to tell them we went the other way." "What way are you going?" said the train. "Whichever way we go, inform the red ears we went in the opposite direction," smiled the Wabbit. "What if they get on the choo-choo to search?" asked Khargoosh. The Wabbit turned back to the train. "Should the red ears board, close the doors and depart immediately." "That’s difficult," said the train, "I’m afraid I’m the 07.35 to Naples." The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "That doesn’t matter," he said, "because the 07.35 is always called the 07.35 - even if it's early." "Or late," said Lepus.  

8. The Wabbit strikes First

The Wabbit pressed the blue sticker in place. The Metro was one of the designated War Game targets for the insurgents and a first in the second round. The Wabbit smiled a satisfied smile but it didn’t last long. Alerted by a rustling from beneath the rails he loosened his automatic from his fur and signalled to his team.  All eyes swivelled to watch the Wabbit. "What’s up?" mouthed Lepus. The Wabbit gave a serried of paw signals. "I’ve spotted one of the enemy," he waved. Then his paw wagged up and down for absolute silence as they all inched forward. The Wabbit swept some dust across the blue sticker to dirty it up and waved for his team to back away. One by one they all backed down the tracks until they were well out of earshot. "The best defence is to stay out of range," whispered the Wabbit. "With any luck they won’t see the blue sticker and they’ll fiddle-faddle here for a while." "What is this fiddling-faddling?" asked Khargoosh. " با نگاهی به اطراف," said the Wabbit in Persian. Lepus look across the rails to Khargoosh. "Them looking around will give us time to beat them to the next target," he advised. The Wabbit grinned because knew that Lepus had served in many campaigns and had picked up this and that. Khargoosh nodded and pricked up his ears. "We should be going, I can hear a choo-choo," he smiled. "Excellent," said the Wabbit, "that’ll cover our tracks."

7. The Wabbit faces a Dilemma

The Wabbit’s team had changed colours for the next round of the War Game and had gathered at the Caffè in Superga for a break when a red-eared Lapinette came hopping in. "You won’t win the next one!" she said. "Who can foretell the future?" smiled the Wabbit. "You cheated," said Lapinette. "All’s fair in love and war," replied the Wabbit. "Up the reds," said Lapinette and she left as quickly as she had arrived. "Up the blues," said Lepus and glanced back at Wabsworth who was talking to Khargoosh. "Up the blues," cried Wabsworth and winked. Lepus leaned forward and spoke confidentially to the Wabbit. "Could you give me Wabsworth’s phone number?" he whispered. "Why don’t you ask him yourself?" said the Wabbit  "I’m hardly his father." Then he noticed Lepus flinch.  "Oh I see," said the Wabbit immediately. "What are your exact intentions?" "I thought we might go out for an aperitivo together, then see a show," said Lepus shyly. The Wabbit wondered how to explain the situation and his eyes narrowed. "Look Lieutenant Lepus, Wabsworth isn’t at all like us wabbits." "I’m very inclusive," said Lepus. "OK," nodded the Wabbit and he had another think. "His fur isn’t natural, you know," tried the Wabbit. "I really don’t care," said Lepus. The Wabbit thought frantically. "Wabsworth has no parents," said the Wabbit. "We can always adopt some," said Lepus. This time the Wabbit gave up. “Wabsworth is an android!” he sighed. "Well, nobody’s perfect,” said Lepus. 

6.The Wabbit & the Surprise Weapon

Lapinette and the blue team waited patiently but never once saw the Wabbit’s team move. Having emerged from the secret tunnel some distance away, the Wabbit and his confederates circled around and approached from the rear. Then just before the gates they lifted their secret weapons and marched straight through. Startled, the blue team was confused. But suddenly the Wabbit lifted the bagpipes that Wabsworth had somehow obtained from the military shop in Crocetta. Air filled the bag as joined by his friends, he blew into the chanter with one enormous breath. Such a terrible din rose from the drones and echoed round old brick walls that the Wabbit alone sounded just like an army of four hundred. When the drone settled to an even menacing pitch that the Wabbit thought just right, he turned to Sergeant Khargoosh. "What tune Khargoosh?" he asked, "it's your choice." "The Barren Rocks of Aden," said Khargoosh immediately. They blew with all their might and all their paws floated merrily across the chanters. Their bagpipes squealed and skirled into a tune that was so infectious, the blue team dropped their weapons and began to dance helplessly. Lapinette frowned with her paws on her hips but she couldn’t stop herself. Without warning, she threw up her arms and then she too danced a Highland Fling with abandon. "I think that’s our round!" shouted the Wabbit to Wabsworth. "How long can you keep playing?" asked Wabsworth. "Days," said the Wabbit. 

5. The Wabbit and the Secret Doorway

The three swept down the stairs humming a marching tune when Khargoosh heard a creaking sound. "Who goes there, friend or foe?" he shouted.  "Friendly friend," came the reply, but they all pointed their weapons at the big door as the edge of a blue print frock emerged. "Wabsworth!" cried the Wabbit. It's good to see you," "This is the Secret way out from the Secret Stairway, Commander," replied Wabsworth calmly.  "Most excellent," exclaimed the Wabbit, grinning. "I must say I like your delightful frock, Mister Spy"  commented Lieutenant Lepus, who was still pointing his snaser gun rather close to the Wabbit’s ears.  "Oh, thank you. Just something I ran up at home," said Wabsworth. "Do you have the secret weapon as specified?" asked the Wabbit. "I have one for each of you," said Wabsworth, "and I must say they’re not cheap." "I do hope you got a receipt," smiled the Wabbit. "They’re on approval," replied Wabsworth. The Wabbit looked at Wabsworth with enormous regard. "What of the enemy?" asked Khargoosh. "They’re waiting to ambush us at the Old Roman Gate," said Wabsworth. "Then that’s where we’ll surprise them," murmured the Wabbit, "how many do they think we number?" "They think there’s four hundred of us," said Wabsworth, with a glint in his eye. "Then how many do we number?" roared the Wabbit. “Four hundred!" shouted Khargoosh. "We are four hundred," yelled Lepus. "Four hundred and one," said Wabsworth and he ducked through the door. "Follow that wabbit," said the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit's use of Intelligence

They had only turned away for an instant but when they looked back, the scene was alive with Lapinette’s personal guard. The War Game looked over until Khargoosh and Lepus saw an impassive Wabbit make a discreet signal to someone down below. Lepus looked hard. "There’s a funny looking one down there Commander," he said, "and to tell you the truth, she looks a bit like you." "No-one can have two genders and be in two places at once," said a shocked Khargoosh. "I did heard rumours," said Lepus doubtfully. The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "Those who do not employ spies," he smiled, "are unable to gain advantage in the Situation." "What is our Situation, Commander?" asked Lepus. "Hopelessly outnumbered," said the Wabbit, "but we won't throw ourselves against an impregnable enemy." "Then what’s the use of the spy?" queried Khargoosh. "We know exactly by how many we’re outnumbered," said the Wabbit, "and my spy has led the Blues to think we are many - that is also to our advantage." The Wabbit paused for effect and flicked an imaginary speck of dust from his fur. "They expect us to creep after them and use our height advantage," he continued, "so we’ll go down instead." "Won’t they trap us at the lift?" asked Khargoosh. "Lifts are dull," said the Wabbit. "Besides, I know a fun secret staircase." "When you sweep the stairs, you start at the top," said Khargoosh. "So let's sweep," said Lepus. And off they hopped, making sweeping motions with their paws.

3. The Wabbit takes the Lift

Acting on information received, the Wabbit and his confederates took a lift up the tower of an old building to flush out any War Game insurgents. They were just emerging when a flash of blue passed the open window. "It’s the Blues!" cried Khargoosh, "they’re at two o’clock." "Got her in my sights," snarled Lepus as he tilted his weapon and let fly with a beam of red training slime that smacked into the window frame near Lapinette's head. Lapinette looked over her shoulder and winked, mouthed “missed” and vanished down the outside of the building. The Wabbit stood still for a minute, gingerly feeling the fur between his ears. "That was a little close, Bunny," he murmured. "It nearly sullied my fur." "I’m a crack shot sir," said Lieutenant Lepus. "Where did you train?" asked the Wabbit. "Festa dell'Unità," said Lepus. "I always win a cuddly toy at the shooting galleries." "Keep up the good work Lepus, otherwise I’ll meet a fête worse than death," said the Wabbit, "and do mind my coat, it’s just back from the cleaners." "Right Sir," said Lepus, "now where’s she gone?" "We'll look out on the territory and see what we can see," said the Wabbit, "they're might be others." "What if they spot us, Commander?" said Khargoosh. "You said we should expect the unexpected." "Good thinking, Bunnies," said the Wabbit, "let's fold down our ears and peer over the window ledge. The three carefully folded their ears to the back and rested their jaws on the bricks. "What can you see Commander?" asked Khargoosh, "Well, I can see my house from here," said the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit and the first Skirmish

For their War Game scenario, the Wabbit drew the side of the government and Lapinette the insurgents. The Wabbit was far from pleased because he would have liked to be an insurgent. But on the bright side, he did get to wear the red ears whilst Lapinette wore the blue. On reflection, he thought his small team looked most fetching. "Let’s patrol the streets and roust the insurgents from their nests," said the Wabbit. So they set off looking in corners and behind vehicles, poking things with the barrels of their snaser guns. They were just making their way down a back street when the Wabbit caught sight of something in the road, “Careful bunnies," said the Wabbit sharply, "watch out for that open manhole." Suddenly there was a whoosh and blue smoke came spiralling from a grenade. "Take cover!" shouted the Wabbit and they all crouched against a wall, rubbing their streaming eyes. "Oh, that stings," said Sergeant Khargoosh. "Did you see anything Commander?" asked Lieutenant Lepus. "I saw a flash of blue print frock," said the Wabbit. "How many do you think there are?" said Lepus. The Wabbit grimaced.. "Where Lapinette is concerned, it only takes one." "Who are her close associates?" asked Khargoosh. "Well, me I suppose," said the Wabbit. "Then you know her better than anyone. What should we expect?" said Lepus. "The unexpected," said the Wabbit, "so come on you bunnies."  And he hopped ahead glancing right and left.

1. The Wabbit hears a Proposal

Lapinette took the opportunity of her lift to speak to the Wabbit about a plan. "Wabbit, what about a training day?" she asked and then waited to see what arguments the Wabbit would use against her idea. "What a splendid idea Lap," he said with gusto. "Perhaps I can involve my special guard, the 400 Rabbits." Lapinette was puzzled by the Wabbit’s enthusiasm but smiled nonetheless. "In that case, we can also use my own elite guard and have a War Game." The Wabbit glanced cautiously at Lapinette. He had never heard of her elite guard, but he chose not to mention it. "Of course," he said, "let’s make a week of it." Lapinette clapped her paws and pronounced it an excellent idea. The Wabbit knew he had reached the point where he could ask what this was all about. "Why at this precise juncture?" he asked. "We need to sharpen up," said Lapinette, "we need to be prepared." "Are you expecting something?" asked the Wabbit. "We must always expect the unexpected," said Lapinette. The Wabbit pondered. "I can’t disagree," he said finally, thinking about his shambolic investigation of the Drinks Thief. "But how many are in your elite guard?" "In the Game, that’s for me to know and you to find out," smiled Lapinette." I see," said the Wabbit, "so when do we start?" "No time like the present," said Lapinette. The Wabbit brought the jeep to a screeching halt. "No fraternising then," he said with a grin and he opened the door. "Lapinette hopped out then turned. "The loser pays for big eats at Eataly," she shouted. "I never think of losing," murmured the Wabbit. "It’s bad for my fur." 

7. The Wabbit Entertains

"Wabbit’s Cola all round!" said the Wabbit who had repaired to a very favourite caffè with which he had a convenient arrangement. The day was hot and the street was noisy. But above the din the Wabbit heard a familiar voice and turned to see Skratch bearing down on his table. "No, no Wabbit! They charge €3 for a Cola here!" Skratch yelled. "That’s because we’re sitting down and they bring delicious food with our drinks," said the Wabbit with an approving nod. "I don’t like coming here, they won’t let me pay," said Wabsworth, "apparently my money’s no good here." The Wabbit grinned. "I’ll bet you bring the money later and put it under the door." "I most certainly do," said Wabsworth, "how did you know?" "Lucky guess?" shrugged the Wabbit, winking at Skratch and turning back as Lapinette signalled everyone’s attention. "While I’m ordering Wabbit’s Colas, you decide what kind of adventure that was," she said brightly. "OK," said the Wabbit, "any suggestions?" "It could have been a disaster movie, with all these cans zooming around," said Lapinette over her shoulder. “Proceeding around," said the Wabbit. "They had purpose and direction," "Just like you?" smiled Lapinette. "Just like me!" beamed the Wabbit and they all laughed and laughed and laughed.

6. The Wabbit Reminded

By the light of the moon the friends patiently watched for any signs of the Drink Thief. Skratch had rounded up Wabsworth on the way so he could keep an eye on both him and the Wabbit. Then he hid behind a fence and they all waited. They didn’t have to wait long. From the gardener’s hut behind the bushes came a tinny clanging sound, as if someone had shaken a crate of Wabbit’s Cola. Then one by one, Wabbit’s Cola cans came sailing across their astonished eyes. The cans didn’t shoot around in all directions but proceeded in an orderly way in a straight line, as if they were going somewhere. Skratch jumped and pulled down a can for examination. "Wabbit, this can has a small chip glowing in the side," he said. The Wabbit slapped a paw to his forehead. "I forgot the self distributing circuit," he exclaimed, "but it’s new and it's not activated yet." "You mean you programmed the cans to distribute themselves to the shops?" queried Wabsworth. "More or less." said the Wabbit. "More, by the look of things," said Skratch. "Then what about recycling," asked Wabsworth with an interested expression. "That was my plan too," said the Wabbit, "the cans would take themselves to the recycling bank immediately on the best before date." "You go too far Wabbit," said Skratch. "Too far too fast," added Wabsworth. " I know," said the Wabbit and he shook his head. "But Wabbit, who was the Cola drinker who looked like you?" asked Skratch. "That must have been me," said Wabsworth, "but I paid." "How much? said the Wabbit. "€1.50," said Wabsworth. "Disgraceful!" shouted the Wabbit and he thought for a moment. "Where's my money?" he sighed.

5. The Wabbit sees Something Strange

The Wabbit was deep in thought as he passed the Automatic Food Kiosk in Via Genova. But he glanced in and couldn’t believe his eyes. He found himself watching Skratch the Cat Burglar put money in a slot and lifting a can of Wabbit’s Cola from a vending machine. "Skratch, that’s Wabbit’s Cola!" he yelled. "Very nice too, I must say," said Skratch. "It’s both tangy and refreshing with a hint of something special." Skratch opened the can, took a sip and stifled a little burp. "But it’s not on sale yet!" gasped the Wabbit. "I'm trying to find the thief that's stealing my supplies." "Your Cola's a little on the pricey side," ventured Skratch. "How much?" asked the Wabbit curiously. "A euro," said Skratch with raised eyes. The Wabbit paused for a moment. There was something else. Something the Wabbit had ignored. He struggled to make the connection but something wasn't right. “I have a suspicion I might have something to do with this, Skratch," he said. "You’re stealing your own Cola!" laughed Skratch. "Maybe I have selective amnesia or been hypnotised," said the Wabbit, "but I can’t be in two places at once." Skratch hesitated because he knew the Wabbit well - and where the Wabbit was concerned, anything was possible. Skratch had a sudden thought. "What about your android double?" he asked. The Wabbit shook his head. "Wabsworth would rather switch himself off than steal Cola," he said firmly. "Well come with me and we’ll watch your supplies and see what transpires," Skratch said calmly. "But first I'll have another can of that Cola." "I'll join you," said the Wabbit, and he searched in his fur for a coin.

4. The Wabbit gets Closer

For a moment the Wabbit thought the caffè was deserted. But he wheeled around and saw three Roman soldiers drinking Roman Cola. The Wabbit was getting used to meeting his enemies and took the bull by the horns. "Good Servants of the Republic. What pray, are your names?" "I am Poobus," said one Roman, "I am Bummus," said another. "And I am Smellius," said the third soldier. The Wabbit suppressed a grin. "I am Wabbitus and I am employed by Provincial Governor Cuniculus. He implores all citizens to unmask and bring to justice, the Drink Thief." "Of what drink do you speak?" said a soldier. "Wabbit’s Cola, future drink of the people," said the Wabbit. "I prefer Roman Cola," said the soldier and the others shook their heads at the thought of a different Cola from Roman Cola. "You’ll be honourably mentioned at Senate," said the Wabbit with his paws crossed. "In that case I did see a strange one with the Cola," said a Roman soldier. "Went to the same outfitter as you by the looks of it," said another. "Made to measure," said another.  “Really," said the Wabbit. "A snappy dresser! You have been most helpful." A soldier dug another in the ribs and pointed at the Wabbit. "If you're such a Roman, Wabitus, then riddle me this," he chuckled. "OK," said the Wabbit. "When was Rome built?" asked the soldier.  "At night," replied the Wabbit. The three soldiers looked at him in puzzlement. "Well Rome wasn’t built in the day," quipped the Wabbit and he hopped very quickly out. 

3. The Wabbit gets a Lead

Undercover at the shopping centre, the Wabbit spotted more of his enemies and he wondered why. But he was intent on his task. What relevance did Ice Mice have for his quest to find the Drink Thief? Could they be stealing his new invention, Wabbit’s Cola? The Wabbit decided to attract their attention. "Ice Mice, may I interest you in a Telepass?" he chortled chirpily. "No stopping for highway tolls. You can skip the lines!" "Don’t care," said an Ice Mouse. "We usually do." "Then perhaps I can offer you a deal for your delicious drinks," simpered the Wabbit. "What kind of a deal?" snarled an Ice Mouse. He turned and the Wabbit caught sight of his Cola. He could see it wasn't his, so he changed tactics. "Deals off," said the Wabbit, "but what do you think of your Cola?" "Warm," said the the first Ice Mouse. "Insipid," said the second. "Have you heard of Wabbit’s Cola?" asked the Wabbit cautiously. "I saw a can of that in a caffè round the corner," said an Ice Mouse. The Wabbit tried not to get excited. "Some Cola connoisseur of course," he suggested." "It was just sitting on a table, but the wabbit logo put me off," scowled an Ice Mouse. The Wabbit decided he would investigate this caffè but first he had to disengage from the Ice Mice so he adopted a disinterested air. "What film did you watch?” he asked with a bored face. "Ice Station Zebra," said an Ice Mouse and he studied the Wabbit very closely ."You do look familiar, what is your name?" he asked. "I operate on a first name basis," said the Wabbit. "My first name is Commander."

2. The Wabbit and the First Clue

The Wabbit hopped through the ancient exhibits on his way to the palace exit. He was rather familiar with all the displays, so he paused immediately when he saw a discarded can of Wabbit’s Cola, his new invention. A "clue!" cried the Wabbit and he searched deep in his fur to pull out a magnifying glass worthy of Sherlock Holmes. He thought he could see a paw print on the can but he didn’t recognise it so he peered closer. With his eyes so close to his magnifying glass, the Wabbit caught sight of a familiar yellow reflection in the rim, but he pretended not to notice. "What’s a lone Skuttle doing here?" he murmured to himself. "I’m a clue," said the Skuttle. "I don’t have time for Skuttles today," said the Wabbit. "I’m on a serious detective mission." "I’m a clue." repeated the Skuttle. The Wabbit shook his head. "I am," insisted the Skuttle, "so what do I represent to you?" The Wabbit thought of various things that couldn’t be mentioned in polite company. "You’re stealing my Cola?" he ventured. "We hate Cola," said the Skuttle.  The Wabbit pondered. "You like drinkin' wine," he said. "Spo-De-O-De!" sang the Skuttle triumphantly. "The thief is drinking the Cola, so it’s not Skuttles," thought the Wabbit and immediately that thought came into his head, the Skuttle began to disappear. "When I’ve eliminated all that is impossible, then whatever remains is the truth," thought the Wabbit. "No matter how improbable," whispered the Skuttle and it vanished into thin air.

1. The Wabbit and the Drink Thief

The Wabbit had for some time been working on a new drink to rival his favourite Irn Bru. His secret project was well protected by a friendly gardener, who tended the secluded garden of an old palace in the centre of town. There, hidden in a shed for organic waste, the Wabbit kept a hoard of his mysterious new drink. The drink had been a happy accident. The Wabbit liked to sip from a straw but one day, he ran out. He could only find the aerosol extension from his can of WD40 lubricating oil, so the Wabbit used that as a straw and it imparted a strange and earthy flavour to his new drink. Gradually, the Wabbit began to like it. Then his drink just didn’t taste right without a homeopathic dose of oil. All was going well until one sunny morning the Wabbit noticed that cans were disappearing, because the Wabbit was always counting things and he knew immediately. It definitely wasn’t the gardener because he didn’t like the Wabbit's new drink and had emphatically told him so on several occasions. So someone or something unknown was helping themselves. "I’m going to find out who this purloiner is and unmask him or her or it," muttered the Wabbit. "Wabbit’s the name. Gumshoe’s the game," he murmured as he took a sip of Wabbit’s Cola. "But first I need a clue." The Wabbit looked all round but he saw nothing that looked remotely like a clue. "I’m currently clueless," sighed the Wabbit. 

The Wabbits in the Jazz Club Caffè

Back in Turin, the Wabbit propelled Lapinette into one of his favourite haunts. He had asked the staff to be on the lookout for Romans and a waiter had assured him that he always was. Reassured, the Wabbit sat down to wait for a special cocktail of his own invention. "It’s taking ages," said Lapinette. "It has to be precise," said the Wabbit. "What do you call it?" smiled Lapinette. "It’s called a Jazz Wabbit," replied the Wabbit. Lapinette waited very patiently to hear about the ingredients but the Wabbit took his time. "It’s just like a carrot aperitivo," he said finally,"but instead of soda there’s Irn Bru." "But they won’t have any Irn Bru here," scoffed Lapinette. "I used to bring my own," smiled the Wabbit, "and now I hear that lots of people have been asking for Jazz Wabbits." Lapinette shook her head. "It will sweep the land no doubt," she said and she had a sudden vision of a bottle of Irn Bru in every fridge in Italy. "What sort of adventure do you feel you had this time?" she asked suddenly. "It was a dream so it doesn’t count," sighed the Wabbit. "It was a real dream," said Lapinette, "and in it was a detailed film epic, within a fur meta-text." The Wabbit looked shrewdly at Lapinette. "Have you been raiding my cinema library?" he asked. "No, I've heard you talk and I just made that up," said Lapinette. "Then what did the film think, and who did it talk to?" asked the Wabbit. "A film can't think," said Lapinette. "You'd be surprised," said the Wabbit.

9. The Wabbit Awakened

"Wake up Wabbit wake up!" The voice was insistent and something was tugging on his ear. The Wabbit gradually forced his eyes open. "What, who, where?" gasped the Wabbit. "You were dreaming," said Lovely Lapinette, "and you wouldn’t come to." "But it was so real," spluttered the Wabbit. "The 400 Rabbits captured the Romans, and you were in a most fetching uniform." "It must have been the fur treatment," sighed Lapinette. "How much did you put on?" "I splashed it on all over," said the Wabbit ruefully. "You’re supposed to use it sparingly," said Lapinette. "We hadn’t heard from you. We were worried." "But I radioed for help," said the Wabbit, "and no-one took me seriously." "That was in your dream," sighed Lapinette.  "Oh," said the Wabbit and he thought for a moment. "But what about the Romans?" he asked finally. "Dream," said Lapinette. The Wabbit was tentative. "The 400 Rabbits?" "Dream," said Lapinette. "And your cute uniform?" ventured the Wabbit. "In your dreams," smiled Lapinette. "Well you know what Freud said," stated the Wabbit. "I expect your going to tell me," said Lapinette. "Every dream is an unfulfilled wish," said the Wabbit. "You went on holiday for a rest but unconsciously you wanted excitement," interpreted Lapinette. "OK I suppose," agreed the Wabbit, "but what did you think of the film?" "I can’t possibly know, it was your dream," replied Lapinette, and she waved the fur treatment in front of his nose. "You can be in my dreams if I can be in yours," said the Wabbit. "It’s a deal," said Lapinette.