1. The Wabbit and the Watchtower

Lapinette watched the Wabbit for quite a while, but the Wabbit was contemplating the watchtower and didn't notice. He looked the tower up and down and, finding it lopsided, he wondered whether it was him that was askew. So for a moment he anchored his feet on the ground and imagined a slim thread connecting his ears to the heavens. The thread seemed to pull him directly upright until he felt as connected and centred as a Wabbit could be. "Aaaah," murmured the Wabbit. A sudden skyward tug thrilled the Wabbit. "Wow. I had a satori moment!" But his thought was short lived. "Hello Wabbit!" It was a haunting coo from Parakalo the Dove holding a thread that coiled around the watchtower and snaked down its elderly walls. "Shichiten hakki," smiled the Wabbit. "Bonbu mo satoréba hotoké nari," replied Parakalo. The Wabbit nodded. "Quite right," he muttered. "All things are merely dreams." "Wabbit!" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit jumped in the air. He landed in an ungainly fashion and tried to cover it up. "Ah, here you are Lovely Lapinette, a dream on legs." "These legs were made for hopping," grinned Lapinette and she tap danced across the street to embrace the Wabbit. The Wabbit lurched forward and hugged Lapinette. "That tower leans to one side." Lapinette laughed. "No, it's you. You should come with a spirit level."
[Shichiten hakki. Shichi ten hakki: Japanese. Fall down seven times. Stand up eight.
Bonbu mo satoréba hotoké nari: Japanese. All things are merely dreams.]

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

They thought that Skratch the Cat had missed the boat. But he surprised them all by bursting through the aft door. "Ask the question," he roared and he waved a paw. The Wabbit could see his reflection in the window and he laughed. "That's a self referential T-shirt!" "The T-shirt answers the adventure question for me," purred Skratch. "We were so trekking across the universe," said Wabsworth gravely. Lapinette nodded demurely. "A syntagmatic analysis would suggest a system of signs consistent with the Odyssey."  "Such is the surface structure," replied Skratch dryly. "We weren't much on the surface," said Wabsworth. "Then it was about Quantum, our container," said the Wabbit, "and our Space Traveller sought after new containers." Wabsworth sighed. "He sought after me and I didn't like being a container." Lapinette was in academic mode. "Is not the Odyssey a system of containers?" Skratch was delighted. He purred furiously. "It's a bounded subsystem within a system of time and space." "But where are our drinks in time and space?" asked the Wabbit. "Unfortunately," said Skratch, "the bar is closed." "When do we disembark?" groaned Lapinette. Wabsworth cheered wildly. "In two minutes." "Is there a caffè?" queried the Wabbit. "There are four." smiled Wabsworth. "Then we have to check them out," said Lapinette. The Wabbits teeth flashed. "We'll recce one each and communicate by radio." Lapinette suddenly pointed. "Klingons on the starboard bow!"

18. The Wabbit and the Planet Exile

"Are you sure," asked the Wabbit, "that this is you?"  The Space Traveller looked very sorry for himself. "Not really," he replied. "I shifted so many times." The Wabbit frowned. "Perhaps some time on your own would help you remember." The Traveller looked around. "Is there no-one here but me?" "Well," said the Wabbit, "there are some tiny voles who emerge from caverns and dance in the light of the moons." "I'll look out for them," sighed the Traveller. "When do they come?" "Thursdays," nodded the Wabbit. He glanced up. "I have to be off. My team is waiting." Now the Traveller looked anxious. "How long must I remain here?" "Until I remember to come back," said the Wabbit. "Then I pray earnestly for your safety and well being," said the Traveller. The Wabbit smiled to himself, since he had no intention of leaving the Traveller for any length of time. He made a mental note to pick him up after two weeks, but chose to say nothing. "You could try mindfulness," suggested the Wabbit, "that may help you find yourself." "How does it work?" asked the Traveller. "Be aware of the present," said the Wabbit, "and without judgement, accept your feelings, thoughts and sensations. The Traveller thought for a second. "I think I'll wait for the voles."

17. The Wabbit fights for Control

The Wabbit dived onto Quantum's footplate and grabbed at the Space Traveller. But he only had a hold of a feline tail. Skratch the Cat let out a piercing yowl and the phantom materialised at the controls. The Wabbit rolled and kicked a lever. Quantum lurched out of lattice drive and Skratch and the Wabbit dropped to the floor with a crash. "Grab him!" yelled the Wabbit. A swipe of Skratch's paw brought a yell of pain but the Traveller eluded every attempt at capture. The Wabbit's ears twitched at the sound of an engine and he staggered to the windscreen. Susan the Biplane screamed beside the cab. Her single air screw looked like jelly and with every turn it got bigger. Suddenly a stream of molten alloy span towards Quantum's windscreen. Quantum kicked into lattice drive. The jerk shook the Traveller from the controls and he sprawled headlong onto the footplate. The Wabbit jumped on him several times and once again for luck. The Traveller tried to change shape but the Wabbit's hind legs were too strong. Skratch pummelled the Traveller with both paws and he hissed. "You're under arrest." The Traveller had a voice like a dental drill. "Whaaat foooor?" "Anything we care to make up," snapped the Wabbit. Then he grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "Because in space, no-one can hear you complain."

16. The Wabbit and the Surprise Case

Quantum headed for the nearest wormhole with the big case on board. "Shall we open it?" asked Lapinette. "It's what it's for," murmured the Wabbit. "That case is extremely noisy," complained Wabsworth, gripping his automatic fiercely. The Wabbit agreed. "But there's something familiar about it."  He unzipped the case and quickly hopped back. Everything went white as Ghost Bunny flew shrieking from the case. "Wabbit, what is the meaning of this tomfoolery?" Her harsh tone came as no surprise because they all knew Ghost Bunny had a crush on the Wabbit. The Wabbit waved a paw for calm and his voice was soothing. "Report?" Ghost Bunny spiralled up and down. "I was invaded by a Space Traveller, a hateful beast." Lapinette wrinkled her nose. "How long?" Ghost Bunny settled. "I am uncertain." "Where is he now?" growled Wabsworth. Ghost Bunny howled with anger. "He was in the suitcase with me." Wabsworth swivelled round. "Then he's here!" Ghost Bunny sniffed. "I can smell his boogly breath." "Conduct a ghostly sweep of the train," ordered the Wabbit. Ghost Bunny swept off to haunt the creature down. The Wabbit glanced at Lapinette. "How are things on the footplate?" The speakers were curiously silent. "Quantum? Skratch?" asked the Wabbit. There was no reply. Then they heard the sound of a struggle ...

15. The Wabbit and the Exit Strategy

Quantum was a time travelling train and easily overtook the Sombrero Shuttle by Spica 3. There they lay in wait for the Space Traveller. "We don't know what form he'll take," whispered Lapinette. The Wabbit grimaced. "I'm relying on Wabsworth. He has the glasses." Wabsworth stiffened and focused. "I can feel him, he's on the concourse." Then he shook his head. "He is here, but that's not him." The Wabbit turned. His eyes settled on the passenger with the big bag and he made a squinty face. He nudged Lapinette. "That's a big bag to be travelling with."  Lapinette scanned it up and down. "It's made of aggregated diamond nano rods." "Not cheap," said the Wabbit. "If you're paying," smiled Lapinette. "Is it big enough to take care of a floozy?" asked the Wabbit. "It's big enough to take care of itself," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit lifted his radio. "Wabbit's the name. Gumshoe's the Game." The radio whined. "Commander?" "Quantum, can you get a transport fix on the man with the suitcase?" There was a long pause. Wabsworth kept his binoculars trained on the bag. Suddenly the bag pitched to one side and fell off its wheels. "It's him!" cried Wabsworth, "The phantom is in the bag." The Wabbit growled into his radio. "Now Quantum! Bag, Tag and Drop!" The suitcase shimmered and vanished. "He exceeded his weight allowance," hissed the Wabbit.

14. The Wabbit in the Alien's Bar

Planet OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb was cold as ice but inside it was warm and fuggy. The Alien Pilot was fishing behind the bar for his emergency Winchester, when he heard a soft Scottish voice. "Two pints of lager and a packet of pistachios." He tried to suppress a grin and stood up. "Commander!" With a nod of his head, the Wabbit gestured to Wabsworth who continued to torture an automatic. The Alien Pilot swung round and spoke sternly. "Check weapons at the bar!" Wabsworth dropped his automatic on the counter top with a clatter. Glasses rattled. "Commander," said the Alien Pilot, "I don't know who you're looking for. Anyway I never saw a thing, I was asleep." The Wabbit smiled. "Maybe you saw something in your dreams?" The Alien Pilot considered long and hard. "Maybe I dreamed of a phantom who hooked up with a floozy and boarded the Sombrero shuttle." Wabsworth growled. "Maybe that's our man." "The next shuttle is a one month wait," frowned the Alien Pilot but the Wabbit winked. "We got our own shuttle, we don't need a timetable." The Alien Pilot proffered a hand and grasped the Wabbit's paw. "Best of luck. Finding that phantom is a one in a million chance." "A million's a lot of odds," said the Wabbit.  The Alien Pilot pumped his paw. "You're one in a million. I'm betting on you."

13. The Wabbit and the Nuts Question

Lapinette felt sorry for Wabsworth because he was always so strong. But now he looked washed out. His paws trembled and his nose twitched. Hosting an alien traveller had proved wearing. Quantum rushed through space to co-ordinates specified by the Wabbit. "Head for Planet OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb," he'd snapped. Lapinette shook her head. "I don't think the traveller is the Alien Pilot." No," replied the Wabbit, "but he drinks in every hostelry in the quadrant. He'll know where to find our fellow." Lapinette sighed. "Then what?" "I require a quiet word with him," said Wabsworth. Lapinette fumbled in her fur and tossed him an automatic. "Take Mr Makarov with you. He's most diplomatic." Quantum flashed through a region they'd never seen before where stars were blossom and planets, gravel. "Fasten your seat belts, ladies and gentlemen," said Skratch over the speakers as Quantum shuddered violently. "We don't have any." smiled the Wabbit. Skratch laughed. "Then would anyone like a drink from the bar?" Lapinette's paw shot in the air. "A triple distilled carrot aperitivo" The speakers crackled. "Coming right up," said Skratch. "with pistachio nut sprinkles," added Lapinette. "We're right out of pistachios," yelled Skratch. "Nuts, nuts, nuts," mused the Wabbit. "Now I did hear of a bar called 'Insanire Furiosi'." Wabsworth played with the slide on his automatic. "Lunatic Madmen," he muttered.

12. The Wabbit & an Android in Space

Quantum the Train received an emergency transmission that sent them scurrying to a damp, misty planet no-one had ever heard of. The signal came from an agent's location beacon and soon the Wabbit and Lapinette were looking at a lifeless Wabsworth on a featureless beach. "Wabsworth!" yelled Lapinette, "He can't hear you," said the Wabbit, "I think he's switched off." He groped under Wabsworth's fur. Lapinette groped too. "What are we looking for?" "A reboot button," said the Wabbit. Lapinette was amazed. "I didn't know he had one." The Wabbit's smile was grim. "He doesn't advertise it.  Ah, here we are."  Wabsworth suddenly lurched and gasped, "Where am I?" Lapinette wanted to get to the point. "Where were you, Wabsworth?" Wabsworth's innards grumbled long and loud and he shed some of his coat. "My circuits were in the grip of a daemon, a trickster, a space traveller." The Wabbit looked down and punched buttons on his walkie talkie. "Transport for three please." Then he turned to Wabsworth. "Was this traveller a pain in the backside?" "He was a pain in every side," replied Wabsworth, "I was forced to be Emperor Cuniculus and act imperious." "How did that feel?" asked Lapinette. "Powerful yet impotent," growled Wabsworth. "Events took place and I could do nothing to alter them." "Sounds like life," murmured the Wabbit. He picked up the remains of the travellers cloak and sniffed them. "Something familiar," he murmured.  Quantum locked onto their coordinates and they shimmered and vanished.

11. The Wabbit and the Lattice Drive

They crowded into Quantum's cab and gazed into the distance. The something started as an orange dot but it grew rapidly like an ant on steroids. Lapinette hunched over the controls. "It's Nine the Tram and he's motoring!" Skratch shielded his eyes. "He's catching up. He's on collision course and he'll be here soon." "Got a time?" asked the Wabbit. "Now," answered Lapinette. Nine the Tram loomed impossibly large. He was so close the Wabbit could spot worn upholstery on the seats. Skratch vaguely read a window advert for computer training and he braced for impact. Everyone did. The Wabbit screwed up his eyes and mumbled a prayer. But there was no collision - nothing but a brief moment of being part of a tram. For Skratch it felt orange and tasted of metal. Lapinette could smell rubber and oil and vegetables from the market. The Wabbit rubbed sand from his eyes and let out a belch of compressed air. Then Nine was gone. All that remained was a faint clang of a bell and the grinding of metal on metal. The Wabbit sat down. "My insides feel funny." "Mine too," purred Skratch. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit. "Have you been modifying things again?" The Wabbit shuffled his paws and shrugged. "It's early days for the Lattice Drive." Lapinette stamped heavily on Quantum's footplate. "Did you try it out anywhere first?" "I tried it on Nine the Tram," sighed the Wabbit.

10. The Wabbit in the Quantum Caffè

Quantum the Train continued to vibrate as he whistled down the hole in the Void. The Wabbit put his paws to his head. "My head feels this big." "It is that big!" yelled Lapinette. Skratch the Cat looked at the Wabbit. "What in the name of feline felinity is going on?" Lapinette hopped up and down. "This is the silliest adventure you ever got me into!" The Wabbit sighed. "You can say that again!" "This is the silliest adventure you ever got me into," said Skratch. The Wabbit looked out of the window. "We're still in a hole?" Quantum always spoke over the loudspeakers for effect. "It's more of a tunnel, Wabbit." The Wabbit groaned. "How long, Quantum?" "It doesn't have length exactly," said Quantum and he sounded his horn, a single tone blast that fried the ears of anyone close. Although this was without substance in the Void, passengers flinched and reached for painkillers. "That Emperor is not who he says he is," said Skratch. "Enlighten me," sighed the Wabbit. Skratch pawed the air. "He's a meddler, a buttinsky, an intergalactic pain in the backside." "A quidnunc!" hissed Lapinette. "What's a quidnunc?" asked the Wabbit. "A busybody who went to college," purred Skratch. Quantum's horn blasted again and his voice growled though the speakers. "Something coming our way." Lapinette's paws prickled. "What kind of something?" A bang shook the dining car as Quantum reversed Lattice Drive and sped backwards. "Something differently different ..!"

9. The Wabbit and a Transfer of Space

Susan the Biplane flew straight though the wall and emerged in a very different space. "OK," said the Wabbit, taking the controls, "what next?" Lapinette balanced on a wing because that was the only room there was. "What sector is this?" Susan banked, although that was fairly relative. "We're still in the void Ma'am, but there's a hole." "We're always in holes," sighed Lapinette. "I can transfer you," said Susan, "just give me a nanosecond." Suddenly space was full. Quantum the Time Travelling Train appeared over the horizon - if indeed you could call it a horizon - and he shimmered in the light of a strange planet. The Wabbit looked at the planet and smiled as a dozen red spiders cut across a silver dust ring. "We haven't much time," said Susan. "We're all going in. Think cargo." Quantum the Time Travelling Train turned a full circle and opened his rear doors. Susan looped the loop and flew into the hold. Marshall Duetta and her squadron of red spiders took up the rear and the doors slammed shut. Quantum vibrated as he engaged Lattice Drive and dived at the hole. The shudder was violent. Everyone felt ill. Skratch coughed up three fur balls. Lapinette's ears tangled round her legs. The Wabbit's fur polarized and he stuck to the fuselage. Duetta's spiders ejected a mass of web that filled the carriage. It was only then that Quantum spoke. "I'm afraid you're obliged to clear all this up."

8. The Wabbit and a Plane too Far

The Wabbit and Lapinette reappeared. There was no mist. All was quiet. The Wabbit wore a puzzled face. "This is the Metro," he nodded. Lapinette could see it was the Metro but it didn't feel like it. "Sounds like a train's coming," said the Wabbit. "Sounds like a plane's coming!" yelled Lapinette and she held fast to her ears. The Wabbit's 28 teeth jiggled. "A biplane," he shouted. They both ducked. "Susan Stooooooop!" yelled a voice. Susan the Biplane crashed to a stop and hung over the tracks. Her airscrew span for a while then it stopped too. "Hello Wabbit," purred Skratch, "where are we?" Silence fell while the Wabbit considered - then he shrugged. "In The Void." Skratch hissed softly. "It has a lot of stuff in it for a Void." Lapinette folded back her ears and straightened her frock as best she could. "We seemed to have quite filled it." Susan's engine burst into life and her airscrew began to turn. "Jump in," she said urgently, "before we're null and void." "Susan, do you know the way out?" asked the Wabbit and he hopped up on the rails. "I can try," said Susan. Slowly the biplane turned 180 degrees. "That looks like a wall," said the Wabbit. Susan's airscrew whined. "It's the way we came in, Sir." Skratch nodded. Then he felt his paws to make sure they were still attached. The whine was deafening and Lapinette covered her ears as they rocketed towards the wall. "Wabbit, this isn't an official engine!" "Daimler Benz," said the Wabbit. "Found it in a dumpster," purred Skratch and he covered his eyes ...

7. The Wabbit and The Void Show

The mist cleared. The Wabbit and Lapinette were watching themselves on a game show where Emperor Cuniculus was the live host. "Welcome to The Void," said Cuniculus, "and this afternoon, the Wabbit and Lapinette will be answering questions on ,,," The Wabbit grasped his chair and Lapinette's paw. To his relief, he found them real enough. "... on the subject of their Adventures," continued Cuniculus. "Oh no!" whispered the Wabbit, "I can't remember a thing." Lapinette looked carefully at the big screen and decided she needed a new wardrobe. "Let them sort it out." she sighed, "Let who sort which what who?" asked the Wabbit. "Those two them," replied Lapinette. She pointed at the screen. "They're not really us." Cuniculus drew himself up and waved a ceremonial paw. "Wabbit! In your Adventures, what is the coach number of the Tram who goes into the Late Tunnel." "2824," said the Wabbit under his breath. "Nine," said the Wabbit on the screen. "That is the wrong answer," said Cuniculus. "It's 2824." "That Wabbit's worse than useless," groaned the Wabbit. "Listen!" hissed Lapinette. Cuniculus addressed the screen. "Lapinette!" he shouted, "what is five to the power of zero?" "One," muttered Lapinette from her chair. "Zero," said the screen Lapinette. Cuniculus laughed. "No - it's one. You both answered wrongly so you may not leave the Void." The mist rose and tickled the Wabbit's nose. Lapinette felt her chair dissolve. Suddenly the Wabbit sneezed. Stage, screen and host vanished into the mist ...

6. Skratch and the Lost Wabbit

The Wabbit and Lapinette had been missing some time. Not a single sighting had been reported for days and the Department was in a state of alarm. Skratch and Susan the Biplane buzzed a parallel sweep across the city but there was no sign of the pair of them. "Anything?" muttered Skratch, although he knew the answer. "No Sir," said Susan. She dropped altitude and started again. "I don't have a rank," said Skratch. "I'm a cat." "You sound like the Wabbit," said Susan. Her airscrew sliced the air with a monotonous whine. Skratch grinned then paused. "Hey, wait a minute, I saw something." Susan circled and held steady. Skratch hesitated. "What I really meant was, I didn't see something." "Explain," said Susan. "It's curious," meaowed Skratch. "I can't see the Roman Gates." Susan dropped further. They could make out streets and grass and trees - but of the old Roman Gates, there was no trace. "What about that mist?" asked Skratch. "No mist was forecast," said Susan sternly. Suddenly she shot upwards but the mist followed. Skratch stared at Susan's wings. They shimmered in a translucent haze. "Should I be able to see through your wings?" he asked. "I'm disappearing," said Susan, "and so are you." The mist enveloped Skratch's paw and his paw vanished. He could feel it, but no matter how much he shook it, it simply wasn't there. "We're getting lost in the mists of time," hissed Skratch.

5. The Wabbit and the Rabbit Moons

It had been the Wabbit's idea to go to the old Roman gates. Emperor Cuniculus agreed readily but when he saw them he began to change. He became bigger and bigger and floated skywards until he looked out from above the Tower. A moon appeared, hazy against the bright daytime sky. Cuniculus raised his paws and spoke. "Ex luna scientia." The moon became three. "Mater Luna!" cried Cuniculus. "Regina nocias, adiuvo me nunc." The moons became coins and on the coins were rabbits. "That's the coin," yelled Lapinette. "That's the coin I found." For once the Wabbit was lost for words. Cuniculus raised his paws once more. "By my ears!" The moons shimmered and changed place. "By my fur!" The moons coalesced and divided - then merged again in an elegant dance across the firmament. "Take me back," shouted Cuniculus. "Take me back to the ancient time when rabbits ruled the night." Light began to fade until it seemed like the darkest winter. Lapinette clutched the Wabbit's paw and although it was hot, she shivered. The moons brightened and shadows cut across the grass. Now the gates were fading and substantial though they were, they seemed like tissue.  "Something's going to give," muttered the Wabbit and he clutched Lapinette's paw. Thunder cracked and everything around them vanished. The Wabbit felt around, but his paws met nothing. They were in a void. "Where are we?" asked Lapinette. "Nowhere," said the Wabbit.
[Regina nocias, adiuvo me nunc.  Latin: Queen of the Night, help me now]

4. The Wabbit and the Dated Emperor

The Wabbit and Lapinette followed Emperor Cuniculus until he came to a church. It was the brickwork that attracted him and he felt it up and down. "This is more what I'm used to," he said. "I'm used to better than all that iron." Lapinette peered round a pillar. "What are you doing here?" she asked, "you're centuries out of date." Cuniculus drew himself up to his full height. "I am considered a modern reforming emperor. Quite the innovator according to the Gods." "Which Gods?" enquired the Wabbit. Cuniculus huffed and puffed and his eyes became redder than usual. "Oh, I can't remember. There are so many." The Wabbit smiled and let him off the hook. "You can't have enough Gods," he quipped. Lapinette tried to look serious. "Or temples," she added. Cuniculus winked at Lapinette. "They wanted to make me a God, you know - but I declined. Too much work." The Wabbit fidgeted. "That doesn't explain how you got here." "I don't know myself," said Cuniculus. "I was having a restless night. There was an enormous peal of thunder and I woke up here in this place -what do you call it?" "Torino," said Lapinette. Cuniculus looked astonished. "I must say I hardly recognise it. It's gone completely to the dogs." He paused. "But what of the Roman world?" "It's all European states now," answered the Wabbit. Cuniculus snorted. "But they all report to Rome, don't they?" "Not exactly," said Lapinette ...

3. The Wabbit and Emperor Cuniculus

"It has to be him," said the Wabbit. Lapinette shook her head. ""He's in fancy dress." Now the Wabbit shook his head - only more vigorously like a donkey. "It's Emperor Cuniculus." Lapinette wouldn't have it. "Perhaps he's a hipster." "Hipsters don't do much," said the Wabbit. Lapinette nodded in agreement. "What's he doing here, then?" she asked. Lapinette was wearing a look that the Wabbit knew well and so the he thought hard. "He's looking for his coins?" he suggested. Now Lapinette giggled. The figure turned and stared. Then he grunted in a bad tempered manner, stuck his nose in the air, wheeled and proceeded to the end of the bridge. "See!" said the Wabbit, "he's imperious." "That doesn't make him an emperor," sighed Lapinette and she giggled quietly. "Look Wabbit," she said, "That's not a robe, it's a bit of old curtain." The Wabbit became defensive. "Maybe it was the best he could do at short notice. He's come a long way" "It's just a coincidence," retorted Lapinette. The figure turned again. "I am the great Cuniculus. Kneel before me and pay homage." The Wabbit screwed up his nose. "I'm completely out of homage, but I'm on my way to the shops." "Kneel!" shouted the creature. "I'm not Neil, I'm the Wabbit." said the Wabbit, "but you can call me Commander." The creature raised a paw and a rumbling of thunder shook the bridge. "Oh, it was such lovely weather," groaned Lapinette. Cuniculus frowned and stamped his foot twice. "What land is this that has such creatures in it ..?"

2. The Wabbit and the Surprising Dig

"This isn't what I imagined, Wabbit." Lapinette was none too pleased, but she carefully sifted through the building site rubble nonetheless. "I did my best," said the Wabbit. "It was short notice." By way of compensation, the Wabbit produced a bottle of Aperol and a filled glass. "The restaurant on the piazza would like the building work to finish." "I'm sure it does," said Lapinette. "And so would I." So far she'd come up with nothing archaeological but grit and dust - and most seemed to have gone down her throat. "They had to reroute the trams," said the Wabbit by way of conversation. "Oh dear," said Lapinette without conviction. She sifted a bit more. "Hello!" she exclaimed. "I already said hello," quipped the Wabbit. "This is important, Wabbit," sighed Lapinette. "It's an old Roman coin." The Wabbit shrugged. "Masses of them round here, you can't move for old Roman coins." Lapinette held it up. It has a rabbit on one side." "What's on the other side?" laughed the Wabbit. Lapinette turned it over. "It's another rabbit," "No emperor?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette gently wiped the coin with her fur. "It says Emperor Cuniculus." The Wabbit gasped. "Then the legend is true!" Lapinette looked puzzled so the Wabbit explained. "They say that for a brief period, the Romans were led by a rabbit of enormous power." He pulled a whistle from his fur and blew it. Then he yelled with all his might. "Down tools! Everyone stops work. This site is hereby closed until further notice ..."

1. The Wabbit and the Slow Sabbatical

"Did you find anything?" Lapinette had looked forward to a night on the town, but the Wabbit shook his head. He gestured with a flick of his ears. "It's closed. Nothing there but dusty leaflets from last year." Lapinette looked disappointed. "What about the Grand Opera?" The Wabbit sighed. "Been and gone. We missed it" "I suppose we were far too busy having adventures." smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit allowed himself a lop sided grin and agreed. "All work and no play." They were quiet for a while. A chewing gum wrapper drifted slowly down the sidewalk and disappeared round a corner. The Wabbit watched it go. "I can't take the excitement," he muttered.  Lapinette thought. "Perhaps we need a hobby." The Wabbit's nose wrinkled. "We're not pensioners yet." "Then what about the Carrot Club?" said Lapinette. The Wabbit sniffed haughtily. "The Carrot Club closes in the summer for us to take sabbaticals." Lapinette was delighted. "So that means we can all go somewhere nice." "Well, it has to be carrot-related and vaguely educational." said the Wabbit quickly. Lapinette suddenly saw herself on an archaeological dig, carefully brushing dust from a fossilised carrot. Then in her vision, she raised her head and fanned herself with a linen hat. Helpers were preparing drinks and bearing them on trays to a large tent. "I have an idea," said Lapinette.

The Wabbit at the Adventure Pub

The Wabbit grabbed a stool as quickly as he could. "These are like gold dust in here," he yelled, "give me a helping paw, Wabsworth." Skratch's familiar voice floated across the bar. "What will you 'ave today father?" Glasses tinkled as the Wabbit crashed his stool around. Lapinette chimed in. "Can't you see the state of my glass?" "It's full," said Skratch. "Not for long," said Lapinette and she drank it back in a single gulp. "You don't like beer," said the Wabbit with a puzzled voice. "It ain't beer," smiled Lapinette and she winked at Skratch. Wabsworth shook his head and adopted a Cockney accent. "Wot kind of adventure was we in then?" "Horror-alien sub genre," said Skratch. "What with all these bleedin' troublemakers, it stands to reason, dunit?" Lapinette was sceptical and now she had acquired another glass. "The invaders looked just like us, and so they weren't so alien." "And they came from inside us, not outside," added Wabsworth. "Contamination," said Skratch, refusing to give up on his original argument. "But you can't have contamination from inside," said Lapinette. "Oh yes, you can," said Skratch. "It's an attack from the worst of places - inside us." The Wabbit began to feel left out. "A metaphor for loss of identity through contamination of the self?" Lapinette looked at her drink and thought for a while. Skratch polished glasses. The Wabbit span on his stool. Finally, Lapinette spoke. "My self needs a refreshment."

8. The Wabbit and the Great Escape

Turbulent air filled with cabbage leaves as a winged creature dropped from the sky. The Wabbit and Wabsworth found themselves high above the street in the safe clutches of Terni the Food Dragon. They looked at each other and then across to Terni's other talon. The monstroid creature was gibbering. "Is this an extra wabtax?" "Yes!" yelled Wabsworth. "No," shouted the Wabbit. His stitches were aching and he longed to scratch. "Where shall I drop this thing, Commander?" roared Terni. He flexed his monster wings and looped high above the rooftops. Terni's nose was pepper hot and the Wabbit fidgeted in a bad tempered way. "The Mariana Trench," he spluttered. Terni's breath painted an enormous "W" in the sky. "That's much too far, Wabbit. Would you settle for Etna?" The creature stopped drooling for an instant. "I yearn for the deep, wabtanic caverns." "What could possibly go wrong?" shrugged the Wabbit. "Just about everything," said Wabsworth, "and now I need a new coat." "Invisible mending," said the Wabbit. "Where?" asked Wabsworth. "Edinburgh," suggested the Wabbit, "my kilt maker will do it on the spot." Wabsworth nodded and spoke to Terni, "Change of plan for monster dropping." Terni smiled with a puff of fiery peppers. "Give the word." It was the Wabbit's turn to smile. "Loch Ness ... but drop us off at a pub." 

7. The Wabbit and the Monstroids

The Wabbit rushed Wabsworth to a quiet spot, but it was already happening. Wabsworth's chest opened and monstrous facsimiles scurried out. They came out small but didn't stay that way. And there were more and more. The Wabbit backed up to the wall and held up his paws. It was a way to buy time - and indeed, they stopped at once. It was then that the Wabbit had a bright idea. Wabsworth was his android copy and he knew his idiosyncracies better than any other being. "Environmental tourist tax!" he yelled, "each visitor counted separately." Curiously, all the creatures looked at the Wabbit and waited. "Discounts for smaller groups, less harm." The creatures began to merge. "If you fail to pay," shouted the Wabbit, "the matter will be referred." The creatures looked perplexed behind drooling faces. "Non payment is always referred to the Ministry for Revenge," continued the Wabbit cheerfully. He was mostly making it up - yet the Ministry for Revenge was real enough. No case ever brought to that bleak, foreboding edifice had been resolved in the lifetime of the plaintiff, but the creatures didn't know that and they shivered. "In the environment," shouted the Wabbit, "fewer tourists are less wear and tear." The copies gradually merged until there was only a single large creature standing. "May I inspect your licence to tour?" asked the Wabbit ...

6. The Wabbit and the Street Screamer

The creature's whine was like a thousand air screws. Cracks in the paving spread towards them. Blood seeped through the cracks. The Wabbit and Wabsworth grabbed some sticks from a passing hurling team and waited for the inevitable. With an explosion of blood, the creature emerged and darted towards the Wabbit. The Wabbit stood like a goalkeeper. He waited for the cracks to reach him and raised his stick high. Wabsworth snuck up from the back and hopping forward he whacked the creature with all his strength. Wabsworth was an android and his whack was considerable, but the creature didn't stop. The Wabbit suddenly swiped and this time he caught the creature off balance. Something rolled away. Wabsworth trapped it between his feet. "Commander!" he yelled. "It's synthetic." "I hate bio-mechanical monsters," murmured the Wabbit and he hit it again. Another component bounced along the sidewalk. The screams were deafening. "Wabbawabbawabba" moaned the creature and it dropped into the crack. Wabsworth looked round. Serrated arms clawed through asphalt as the creature sprang at him. But Wabsworth was no longer there. From behind, Wabsworth brought his stick down with a savage blow that disassembled the creature's head. The Wabbit looked relieved but it was short lived. Wabsworth clutched his chest. "Commander? There's something moving inside me."

5. The Wabbit and the Beastly Pursuit

The creature dropped easily into the hospital atrium and Wabsworth and the Wabbit followed as best they could. "You'll never make that drop, Commander!" shouted Wabsworth. The Wabbit vaulted over the edge anyway. His stitches stretched and his teeth chattered but somehow he made it to the ground. Wabsworth fired round after round, but nothing hit the dodging, jinking creature. Its serrated paws flailed at anything it came across, and the horrid mouth drooled a mixture of saliva and blood. "Give me back my blood" shouted the Wabbit. The creature started to scream. Windows shattered, elevators plunged from their moorings. The air became a sea of potted plants as a high pitched whine wound its way around the concourse. Wabsworth dived for the stairs and flew down a banister rail, emerging right in the face of the creature. "Take that," he shouted and he hit it with two bunched fists. "Wabamama!" it yelled and it grasped Wabsworth between sharp paws. Wabsworth hit it with the butt of his gun. "Don't call me mama," he grunted. For a moment the creature went down. But in a flash it was on its feet and motoring towards the exit. "Wabbawabbawabba!" it spluttered through its bloodied mouth. With a shrill scream and a spray of dust, sharp paws cut through marble paving and the creature vanished ...

4. The Wabbit and the Monster Inside

Wabsworth heard a cry and he went to check on the Wabbit. The Wabbit was gasping, almost choking. Suddenly his chest heaved with an enormous bulge and his stitches flew open. With a high pitched scream and a whirring of serrated paws, a creature that looked just like the Wabbit burst out of the Wabbit's chest. Wabsworth pulled an automatic from his fur, but he failed to get a sight on the creature that would miss the Wabbit's vitals. "Gerrorrr it off!" yelled the Wabbit and he whacked the creature with all his strength. His strength wasn't quite up to par, but the creature slewed to the right and its paws scythed air. Wabsworth hit it with the grip of the automatic and it somersaulted onto the bed. The Wabbit lashed out with his legs. There was nothing wrong with the Wabbit's kick and the creature hit the deck with a massive thud. A scream that could cut metal tore air, and the scream got louder. Wabsworth covered his ears. Whatever it was tried to climb onto the bed but the Wabbit's feet smacked the menacing mouth square on. Drool sprayed everywhere. Now Wabsworth had a clear shot and he fired - but the thing was quick. The mattress smoked with gunfire as the creature headed for the door. "Stop it!" yelled the Wabbit and he zipped up his stitches. He tried to get up and his groan joined the scream as he hit the floor hopping. Wabsworth's face was a fury. "Leave it Commander, I'll get that parasite." "This is personal!" yelled the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Waiting Crowd

The Wabbit's personal guard, the 400 Rabbits, gathered outside the hospital, waiting for any news about the Wabbit. No-one quite knew who had tipped them off, but everyone was there. Lapinette decided to give them a briefing, mainly in the hope they would go away. But she had no idea what to say. "The Wabbit is comfortable," she announced. "How comfortable?" shouted one of the 400. "On a scale from one to ten," shouted another." "Em, five point one," said Lapinette. She held aloft a report which was entirely blank, but looked official enough. The 400 rabbits talked amongst themselves. "We brought salad sandwiches for the Wabbit," they shouted, "and grappa." Lapinette flourished her report. "The Wabbit has to fast!" A murmur of disappointment rippled through the throng. Lapinette adopted her most official voice. "I must ask you now to leave so that the Wabbit may rest." "We're not going," shouted the 400. "We brought tents." Lapinette was running out of steam so she grasped at straws. "The Wabbit left vouchers so that you could all enjoy a night on the town." "And leave the Wabbit?" shouted the 400, "no way!" Lapinette sighed inwardly then pretended to scrutinise the report. "The Wabbit may need blood," she shouted. "Please report to hospitals across the city ... to donate." The 400 dispersed with speed leaving nothing behind but the odd grappa bottle. Lapinette spoke quietly to herself. "If I'd told them, the Wabbit would bust his stitches."

2. The Wabbit and the Hospital Run

Wabsworth took an unorthodox route to the hospital. This involved the illegitimate use of three walkways and a pedestrian tunnel. The Wabbit didn't seem to care about that. Nor did he comment on the trail of street furniture that Wabsworth left in his wake. So Wabsworth knew the Wabbit was seriously out of sorts. The hospital had several entrances but Wabsworth ignored them all. If he could have driven directly into the emergency ward, he would have. Instead he took the fastest route. He crashed through the back gates, drove up several flights of stairs, then jumped from a connecting bridge. "Nice view," slurred the Wabbit. Lapinette's teeth jarred. She held on with both paws and kept a mental note of the damage. "It's over there," she shouted and she pointed a paw. Wabsworth slid between two squad cars and left tyre tracks on the hood of a highly polished vehicle belonging to the Finance Police. Lapinette scribbled an apologetic note, attached several meal tickets and threw it out. Wabsworth screeched to a halt and lifted the Wabbit from the jeep. "Whassa matter?" asked the Wabbit. "Am I going on a lovely vacation?" He convulsed and clutched his side suddenly. "I have a rabbit in my tummy," he announced solemnly, "his name is Ernie." "Emergenza! Agente ferito. Codice rosso!" yelled Lapinette.
[Emergenza! Agente ferito. Codici rosso! : Italian - Emergency. Officer injured. Code Red]

1. The Wabbit and the Hidden Wound

"Ow," said the Wabbit as his foot lurched on the sidewalk. Lapinette looked at him critically. "You're limping." "I think I did myself a mischief," groaned the Wabbit, Lapinette's eyes flashed. "When?" "It was that rumble I had with the Tracker," sighed the Wabbit. Lapinette waited for more information. "I was shot in the shoulder. Then when I came to, I heard Wabsworth calling for help on the radio." Lapinette nodded and the Wabbit continued. "I tried to reach him by propelling myself through the snow, but I lost control and hit a snowdrift." The Wabbit groaned as he recalled the impact. "Something in my side went crick." Lapinette gently prodded his side. "Yaaagh!" shrieked the Wabbit. "That does it!" shouted Lapinette, "I'm taking you to the hospital," "No need to bother," said the Wabbit. He clutched his fur and stumbled, then smiled sweetly. "It's only a pulled muscle." Lapinette pulled a radio from her frock. "I'm calling Wabsworth to bring the jeep." The Wabbit was dismayed. "I'll be pulled off duty," he scowled. Lapinette spoke urgently into her walkie talkie then turned to the Wabbit. "No-one is indispensable." A look that Lapinette recognised flashed across the Wabbit's face. She knew the Wabbit regarded himself as the most indispensable rabbit that ever hopped the earth. Lapinette prodded his side again. "Yikes!" yelled the Wabbit, grabbing onto Lapinette's fur before he collapsed. The radio crackled and a muffled voice spoke. "On my way," said Wabsworth.

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

Skratch the Cat timed his entrance to perfection. When the others arrived, he pounced out from inside the caffè. "Flowers for little old me?" he grinned, "you really shouldn't have!" The Wabbit saluted solemnly. "We were waiting for you tell us what kind of adventure we were in." Skratch saluted in return. "This time, I think you should tell us, Commander." The Wabbit grinned. "Well sit down Skratch, I'm going to pass the buck." He called for drinks and looked at Wabsworth. "Your turn." Wabsworth didn't hesitate. "It was an open text, in a world of unavoidable diverse readings." "Umberto Eco," said Lapinette firmly. The Wabbit was agog. "Do you understand him?" he asked, "I really haven't the slightest clue what he's talking about." Lapinette chuckled enticingly. "He inferred that readers had to make things up and splice them back into the story." "The reader lends a hand to the author." said Skratch. "And the hand remains an enigma just outside our grasp," sighed Lapinette." Skratch leaned back, mimed puffing a pipe and adopted a stuffy English accent. "The Beast with Five Fingers, don't ya know? What a strange business altogether." The Wabbit thought deeply. "What about our readers? Do they have to make things up?" "All the time!" laughed Lapinette.

9. The Wabbit and the Last Oration

Lapinette turned and walked through the graveyard. The Wabbit signalled for the rest to keep a respectful distance as Lapinette paused between two gravestones. The hand settled quietly on the grassy plot in front. Lapinette raised two paws skywards and waited. Branches lowered. Thunder rolled. Lightning flashed. Cloaked in a clear blue light, Lapinette began to speak. "The part is the whole, the whole is the part." Somewhere in the distance, a piano played Mozart's Requiem. The Wabbit delved deeply for his medal ribbons and attached them to his fur. Wabsworth bowed his head and so did Skratch the Cat. Now the distant piano played joyfully. "Freude, schöner Götterfunken," said Lapinette. Everyone smiled as the hand sank into the grass. Wabsworth felt something rippling through his android circuits and Skratch's tail stood bolt upright. The hand sank deeper  - but just before it disappeared, it made a small wave of farewell. The Wabbit saluted. "I leave you in good hands," said Lapinette and she slowly dropped her paws. Rolling thunder became silent. Lightning ceased. The piano began to play jazz and it filled the wooded space. The Wabbit watched the last of the hand fade from sight. "Take Five," murmured the Wabbit and he waved goodbye.

8. Lapinette and the Instant Reading

They followed the hand through the Bavarian Quarter until it came to the graveyard - and face to face with Lapinette. Bathed in daytime moonlight, she stood directly in the path of the hand. Her paw moved upwards and with a deft gesture, produced a Tarot card. Time seemed to freeze and with it the hand. "Cards or palm?" hissed Lapinette. The hand flipped over and offered a palm creased with lines.  "Criss cross." whispered Lapinette, "you have more lines than the Coliseum, more junctions than King's Cross." The hand trembled under Lapinette's searching eyes. "I see a vague musical talent, stretched past its best," murmured Lapinette. The hand twisted in discomfort. The Wabbit watched, powerless to intervene. He glanced at Wabsworth, then at the hand. "Magic," shrugged Wabsworth, staring at Lapinette. Lapinette's voice became silky smooth as she scrutinised every line in the palm. "You must seek another path." The forefinger moved and seemed to inscribe something - like graffiti on an ancient wall. "Yes, you do have a choice," answered Lapinette. "Forget your lines, they're old and tired." The hand dropped to the ground and crawled along the path towards Lapinette. The light of the daylight moon fell on the Tarot card - and now the Wabbit could see it clearly. "The Magician," he breathed ...

7. The Wabbit and the Angry Piano

The severed hand played until it was exhausted but the piano demanded more. Its pedals clattered and its keyboard snapped yet still it was unsatisfied. Preludes gave way to etudes. Nocturnes, ballads and scherzos passed without pause. When the hand exhausted the classics, it played boogie woogie, bop and blues, until it had consumed the entire breadth of jazz. But the piano was insatiable. It bounded in the air and rocked around the clock. "I think we should go." The Wabbit's voice was a murmur but it came out loud. Five fingers swept the length of the keyboard and slammed down hard, and then the hand somersaulted and flew in the direction of the exit. "Follow that hand!" yelled the Wabbit. Everyone followed, but so did the piano. It had lost a few panels by this time and the lid flapped wildly, but its keys crashed out a macabre version of the Planet Suite. Drama and violence dripped down walls like molten plastic as the deranged piano charged relentlessly, "Run! Run or we'll B flat." Skratch thought a joke might help and it certainly made a difference. The piano chattered menacingly and picked up speed. Ivory spat in all directions. "It can't hold the keys!" yelled the Wabbit.

6. The Wabbit and the Ghostly Notes

The Museum's Piano Room was huge and the severed hand sped along the line of pianos and back. With a prod of a poky forefinger it tried this one and that - until it settled on an upright piano of considerable size. The hand played a tune on ivory keys that had seen musical evenings of many years. They had suffered the touch of a thousand hands and were worn here and there, but they had never endured anything like the onslaught that the severed hand meted out. The Wabbit and Wabsworth felt their ears turn to jelly. The floor shook beneath their feet as the piano shuddered into a tune. "Graceful Ghost Rag!" shouted Skratch. But the Rag was as graceful as a spectral sausage. "The hand can't syncopate," yelled the Wabbit. "All hands sign the plate?" queried Wabsworth. The hand stopped. Then it switched to D minor. No single hand had ever played Beethoven so sweetly - and no hand would ever do so again. The piano lifted into the air and swayed as the hand tinkled Ghostly Waltzes. Skratch pirouetted and exclaimed he'd never been so moved. With a sudden jolt, the piano crashed on the polished floor and the music halted abruptly. To everyone's astonishment, pianos keys moved independently and the piano began to speak. "Does the hand do requests?"

5. The Wabbit and the Right Piano

They met Skratch the Cat at a museum that lay in the heart of the Bavarian quarter. Skratch always had many keys and most of them fitted something. If they didn't, he had other ways of getting in. "This one's sure to fit," he meaowed. Wabsworth and the Wabbit gently carried the severed hand, wrapped in a bag, through the empty museum. It twisted a bit when it sensed musical instruments, then it traced several notes with a long forefinger. One by one, instruments in the glass cases started to play and displays vibrated loudly. "Shhh," hissed the Wabbit. The music faded slightly and the Wabbit patted the bag. Skratch was enthusiastic. "What kind of piano does the hand want?" he purred. "An early fortepiano? Maybe a virginal or a clavichord?" The hand shook violently. "An electronic piano?" suggested Skratch. The hand made a rude sign. "A grand piano!" said Wabsworth. The hand seemed interested. "Parlour Grand, Boudoir Grand or Baby Grand?" asked Skratch. An air of indecision hung in the air and the hand tried to wriggle out of the bag. "Let's find the right room and let the hand choose," murmured the Wabbit. He gripped the bag tightly and quickened pace as the instruments burst into Scarlatti's Cat Fugue. Skratch pirouetted across the floor. "My favourite," he purred.

4. The Wabbit and the Upper Hand

The Wabbit suddenly turned and the severed hand jumped back. Wabsworth tentatively touched flesh that felt clammy and yielding. The Wabbit sneered and shouted, "What do you want?" For a moment the hand hung like a flap. Then fingers traced the outline of a piano and pecked at the Wabbit's fur. Music filled the arcade with wrong notes that growled and howled. Everything was off key. The hand jarred and twitched and the five fingers pinched. The Wabbit bared 28 teeth and snapped viciously. The hand retreated and bumped into Wabsworth with its stump. Wabsworth brushed it off and spoke up. "Perhaps you'd like a nice ring? I can get you five if you like." A forefinger wagged negatively and made another shape. "It wants a piano," said the Wabbit and he mimed playing one with his paws. "Skratch the Cat can get a piano," said Wabsworth quickly, "he can get anything." "He can get you sheet music, too," said the Wabbit. "And a stool," added Wabsworth, immediately regretting it. Nonetheless, the hand seemed enthusiastic because his fingers were all of a flutter. The Wabbit hummed the Last Concerto but now the hand was far from pleased. It wagged a forefinger at the Wabbit and made a move for his ears. Wabsworth grabbed the arm and twisted, the Wabbit forced the thumb backwards - and together they wrestled the hand down. "It's time to face the music," smiled the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Five Fingers

Wabsworth and the Wabbit scurried from the cinema with the disembodied hand in hot pursuit. "I need information!" yelled the Wabbit. Wabsworth was an android copy of the Wabbit and resembled him to a point. But where the Wabbit's memory was concerned, he was quicker. "Symbolically, hands can mean justice." "I was just going to say that," said the Wabbit, "but what about fingers?" The hand flexed fingers and showered them in nail clippings that hooked into their fur. A nail scraped viciously on glass. The screech crashed down and chewed the sidewalk. "It's not a helping hand," yelled Wabsworth. He grabbed the Wabbit's fur and hauled him along the gloomy arcade. "I guess handcuffs aren't going to work," moaned the Wabbit. Five fingers drew a series of notes on the wall and the arcade rang to a left handed piano concerto. A sharp nail traced a pattern through the Wabbit's fur. The longest finger touched Wabsworth on the ear and he dragged the Wabbit faster. "Any ideas from the movie?" gasped the Wabbit. Wabsworth began to lope. "We could try giving it a ring." "It hasn't got a phone," yelled the Wabbit. "A finger ring!" shouted Wabsworth. The Wabbit looked around for a jewellery shop and rummaged in his fur for a brick. But a finger and thumb pinched his ear in a painful grip ...

2. The Wabbit and the Phantom Hand

In a small repertory cinema in the very centre of town, the Wabbit and Wabsworth took what was on offer. There was no rain as Wabsworth had correctly anticipated, but there was a musty smell like a soggy mop abandoned in a corner. They sat spellbound. A wheelchair-bound pianist had been murdered and to the haunting strains of Bach's Chaconne, his severed single hand crept abroad seeking musical justice. Both Wabsworth and the Wabbit trembled as the hand opened a window, then jumped at a scrabbling sound from behind them. "People just can't behave at the cinema," whispered Wabsworth. The Wabbit pulled a pad from his fur and made a short note concerning the cinema and popular culture. The hand on the screen wrote a note and signed it, then hid itself in a drawer. "Is this the right version?" asked Wabsworth. "Things are mixed up." "Maybe it's one of these restored prints," suggested the Wabbit. On screen, the hand leaped from the drawer to a piano and played jazz in the manner of Thelonius Monk. Wabsworth was spooked and so was the Wabbit. Nails scratched fabric. "I think there's a cat in the cinema," said the Wabbit. The movie hand casually squeezed the neck of a victim. A gurgle ended in a wheeze and the wheeze faded slowly. The Wabbit felt a sudden thump in the back of his seat. "People have no manners," hissed the Wabbit angrily and he turned ...

1. The Wabbit in the Weary Weather

The Wabbit bumped into Wabsworth in the city. He could never recall the name of the street and if asked directions, he didn't know the way. "What's this street called?" asked the Wabbit. "I have no clue," shrugged Wabsworth, "shall I look it up using a powerful application?" The Wabbit shook his head. "I don't think it matters. It's near somewhere else." The rain was slight but it was one of these showers that soaked into the fur. Wabsworth shivered. "We need a change of climate. This makes my bones creak." The Wabbit was perfectly aware that Wabsworth was an android, but had long given up figuring his idiosyncrasies. "Me too," he murmured. "Maybe the weather is better over there." He pointed vaguely into the middle distance. "The weather is usually different in the cinema," said Wabsworth. "Oh, I know what you mean," sighed the Wabbit. On his last cinematic visit, the air conditioning was set so low he'd been forced to borrow an overcoat and socks. He thought affectionately of South Pacific and Fahrenheit 451. "I suppose we could go to the movies," he suggested, "so what's on?" "Frozen," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit scowled. Rain swept down from the Alps bearing more than a touch of frost, and they dived into a caffè.  "What will you have?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit's response was swift. "Caffè corretto!" "Make that a double," said Wabsworth.

[ Caffè corretto: espresso coffee with a shot of brandy or grappa]

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

They all approached from different angles. With Nessie arriving for drinks, there seemed to be lots of room so they sat down. Nessie didn't scare the waiters because they knew with the Wabbit, anything could happen. The Wabbit looked at Wabsworth and Wabsworth looked at Skratch. "I didn't like that red wind," said Skratch. "It woke me up." It was that kind of wind," drawled the Wabbit. "Makes your fur itch." "Yep," said Skratch, "everything goes screwy." "Well I'll ask the question." said Wabsworth. He hadn't sat down and looked like he was thinking. "What sort of screwy adventure was that?" he said finally. "Skratch smiled a film class smile. "It bounced around like a cork from a bottle of bubbly." "And then the cat got the cork," smiled Lapinette. Wabsworth put a word in. "Don't be so harsh. Despite its noir pretensions, it wasn't a genre piece. The wind drove it along like a screwed up chocolate wrapping." A light breeze played with the flowers in the pink vase, got bored and moved on. Skratch relented. "The wind is invisible but in the adventure the dust betrayed it. It gave it colour and ammunition." Lapinette's ears swayed gently. "The ghosts used the wind like a freight train and didn't pay." "Better charge it to the dust and let the rain settle it," roared Nessie. A spit of rain spread a damp bead on the tablecloth and it was quickly joined by another. "The rain suggests we drink inside," said the Wabbit.

8. The Wabbit breaks the Surface

The Wabbit heard ventilators closing and the unmistakable sound of bulkhead flappers. "Brace!" he yelled and he hung onto a rail. Number Nine Tram shot up through the river in a cloud of murky spray. A warm glow from the sky embraced them and Nessie roared in delight. "Wabbit, dae ye aye have so much fun?" The air was still gritty. But there were no ghosts. Lapinette dug the Wabbit in the ribs. "What happened to the Ghosts from the Mountain?" "Mi bad bwai take care of dem duppies. Dem run." said the reggae creature. "Galang chase dem back where dey fra." "Forever?" asked Lapinette. "Trubble no set like rain, Cunie," said the reggae creature. "No badda bawl - im soon come back." The Wabbit had completely forgotten the creatures knew him as Cunie, the African rabbit god. He grinned but had a sudden thought. "What about the Roman Centurion sent to guard us?" "A voice spoke from the back. "Yahso fi real." The Wabbit grinned again. "You're not a Roman Centurion at all, are you?" "No," said the Centurion reluctantly. "I'm a time tourist." "That will cost you 500 euro," shouted Nessie. The Centurion paid up quietly. The reggae creature stared at Lapinette and whistled a low whistle of appreciation. "I-Rey! Im frack look gud." "I didn't quite hear that." said Lapinette primly.
[Bad bwai : Bad Boy.   No badda bawl. : No use crying.   Yahso : right here.   I-Rey! Im frack look gud. : Well hello! Your frock is nice.]

7. The Wabbit chants down Babylon

Number Nine Tram hung in the Late Tunnel and all was relaxed - or so it seemed. Reggae creatures swirled through with a tune and left. But Nessie was agitated and roared. "The Ghosts from the Mountain are still coming." A reggae creature draped himself on a seat. "Yuh no haffi worry - dem jus' bong belly pickney," "That's enough donkya," snapped Nessie, "Babylon dey cum." The reggae creature hummed a snatch of an old Trench Town ballad. "Wha bangarang place yu frahn?" The loudspeakers crackled. "Yuh a chat bagga nonsense," shouted Nine, "opin up yuh iez and listen!" A wind whistled through the Late Tunnel and flung red speckled dust at the windows. Reggae creatures bounded inside, shut everything up and fell silent. There was no music - just the sound of scratching glass. "Heavy manners," murmured the Wabbit. "Look, we can't stay in the tunnel forever," said Lapinette, "we need to stop the wind." "Wi a gwaan chant dem down," said a creature. "That's it!" shouted the Wabbit and he whacked his feet on the floor. "Cole cole wind, wi chant yuh down." They all joined in, making it up as they went along. It was a whole lot of chanting and the wind dropped away to nothing. "So far, so good," murmured the Wabbit.
[Bong belly pickney : greedy children.  donkya : don't care. Babylon dey cum : the enemy is coming. Bangarang : old]

6. The Wabbit in the Late Tunnel

Deep beneath the bowels of the Metro lay the Late Tunnel. Known to a select few, this was where streetcars hid from inspectors, waiting to pop up on the surface ahead of schedule. Number Nine Tram appeared momentarily, scooped the Wabbit, Lapinette and Nessie from a platform and disappeared into the Late Tunnel. Loudspeakers crackled. "Welcome to my schedule," said Nine. "You're late," grinned the Wabbit.  "It's you that's early," said Nine. With a hiss of compressed air a door opened and offbeat rhythms floated through. The Tunnel was populated with Reggae Creatures, who's music gave a whole new meaning to the term "late". They happily surrounded Number Nine and played a classic that was strictly roots. There was no red speckled dust and no laughing tricksters from the Mountain of Ghosts. The Wabbit breathed a clean, clear sigh of relief. "Wabbit, Mi waah know a watta guwaan yasso?" said a reggae creature. The Wabbit shrugged. "The wind brought ghosts and they're out to haunt us." "Bun a fyah on dat!" snorted the creature. "Rassclaat duppies," snorted another. The reggae creatures broke into a strident dub that lasted a considerable time. "Whit are they oan about?" asked Nessie. "They're expressing musical outrage at our ghost predicament," said the Wabbit. "Oh aye," snarled Nessie agreeably. "Togeda we gibe dem trubble."
[Jamaican/Rasta patois. Mi waah know a watta guwaan yasso? :  I want to know what's going on.  Togeda : together
Bun a fya on dat : (abusive) Burn a fire on that!.  Raasclat  : (abusive) toilet paper.. Duppy : dangerous spirit/ghost.]

5. The Wabbit and the Laughing Wind

The red speckled dust grew worse and the Wabbit and Lapinette scampered for shelter. Nessie followed close behind and slithered along the station concourse. For a wonderful moment they were free of the dust. Then the vents suddenly opened and dense swathes of red dust filled the building. Dusty spirals burrowed everywhere and whenever they touched glass, they gave out a low sliding laugh. "This isn't funny," coughed the Wabbit.  A spiral slid across his glasses and sniggered. "Laughing ghosts!" bellowed Nessie. Lapinette dodged a feathery spiral as it chortled past. "Wabbit, these must be your ghosts." "Ghosts have no sense of humour," scowled the Wabbit as a spiral crept between his ears. Lapinette stopped. "That's not true. Ghosts play tricks and howl with laughter." The spirals howled and flung red grit at their eyes. "These are daft demons," roared Nessie. Vents chattered and threw more dust. "The Sirocco comes from the Sahara," shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit turned. "They're from the Mountain of Ghosts!" But although the Wabbit had a theory, he was no further forward. One of the spirals exhaled a spray of grit in his face and cackled. The air was unbreathable and as hot as the desert it came from. The Wabbit nudged Lapinette, made an M sign with his paws and gestured down at the rails. Then he put his paws over his scarf and muffled his voice like a station announcer. "All passengers to Level 1 for complimentary biscuits."

4. The Wabbit and Nessie's Connection

Lapinette suggested the wooded river and they made their way through the red speckled dust. "Something moved in the trees," said the Wabbit. Lapinette narrowed her eyes, stared through the hazy air and sighed. "I think it's a Roman Centurion." The Wabbit shrugged and pulled his scarf over his mouth. At that moment, the river erupted and spray drenched him from head to foot. "Nessie!" yelled the Wabbit. "You're supposed to home in Scotland." "I took a holiday," roared Nessie. The Wabbit was horrified. "What about the elections?" Nessie smiled a jagged tooth smile. "I voted at the Scottish Embassy." A wail from the river bank pierced the wind. "Do you know him?" asked the Wabbit. "I thought the ghost was with you," replied Nessie. Lapinette had a moment of clarity. "He is always with us." The Wabbit found Nessie's spray invigorating and he soaked his scarf and wiped dust from his face. "So he must be our ghost." Nessie bellowed above the wind. "Does everyone get a ghost?" Lapinette spoke primly. "A ghost is a projection of the unconscious, a reality we disown." "No it's not," shouted the Centurion. The Wabbit half smiled but dust went down his throat. "You can always speak to a ghost." "Speak then," said Lapinette. But the ghost spoke first. "I came to guard you," he called. Then he vanished ...

3. The Wabbit and the Ghost Bullet

Lapinette and the Wabbit swept into the caffè but the red speckled wind got there first. Dust swirled in every cranny. The Wabbit called for drinks and got them - but he declined the sandy sandwiches. Without warning, the bartender slumped unconscious across the bar. Glasses and cups flew everywhere, but made not a single sound as they hit the floor. The Wabbit sipped his wine, pulled out his automatic and looked at Lapinette. Lapinette looked back. Their ears retracted slightly and they waited. Suddenly glasses and cups smashed noisily and there was a devastating crack as the mirror shattered. "That was a ghost bullet," said the Wabbit. Lapinette wrinkled her nose and picked some glass from her frock. "The bullet seemed real enough." The Wabbit pushed his automatic back in his fur and shrugged. "In popular folklore," he said, "a ghost bullet can only be fired by a ghost." The wind hammered the windows like a debt collector and the door creaked. Lapinette shivered. "Then we'd better find the ghost." The Wabbit had to think. "We need to know what kind of a ghost this is." Lapinette had no option but to join in. "A poltergeist?" Another glass smashed to the floor by her feet and a coffee cup flew past her head. "I don't think so," said the Wabbit, neatly dodging a whisky tumbler, "they don't come armed." The espresso machine burst into life and made coffee. "Deus ex machina?" sighed the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit and the Ancient Ammo

Lapinette and the Wabbit worked quickly on the rooftop. When the Sirocco blows through Turin you can't waste time. They were both enveloped in speckled red dust that swirled from the horizon - and in the blast, things had a tendency to vanish. Lapinette grabbed a cartridge box and read the inscription. "Never heard of it," said the Wabbit. Lapinette's fur stood on end because the Wabbit had heard of all that sort of thing and a bit more besides. "Never seen this before either." His voice was a mumble in the wind. Lapinette could hear it nonetheless. "It simply doesn't exist," said the Wabbit. Lapinette waited and shook dust from her scarf. "It has to be something." "It is really something. It's an ancient Roman bullet." "Nonsense," spluttered Lapinette, "how do you know?" The Wabbit looked closely, screwed up his eyes and read the lettering. "It says ... 'Up you, Crassus.'"  Lapinette laughed. "It must have been Spartacus then." Her voice was sarcastic - but the Wabbit tucked the bullet into a plastic bag that he had in his fur. "It's a ghost bullet, that's what it is." The Wabbit slapped his fur and shed speckled red dust far and wide. "There are recent sightings of Roman centurions marching beside Loch Lomond bearing current day weapons." Lapinette shook dust from her ears. "I expect the bars were open late that night." "Someone said bar!" grinned the Wabbit.