The Wabbit searches for the right Christmas Card

The Wabbit searched for exactly the right Christmas Card for his relation, Chief Wabbit of Galloway. But there were no Chief Wabbit cards. There were Mums and Dads, girlfriends and boyfriends, aunts, uncles and all manner of relations. But the Wabbit could see nothing suitable. He felt - well, not catered for. Not a single wabbit, far less a Chief Wabbit. It would have to be a plain card, because the Chief Wabbit was very, very fussy about such matters and had been known to be become gwuff indeed. Even on Christmas Day. The Wabbit settled on a card that said Just For You and thought that he would write Chief Wabbit in, with a felt tip pen. There! It was all done except for one more thing. And then the Wabbit hopped excitedly towards his favourite shop.

The Wabbit is received with his very own Song

No sooner had the Wabbit left the Christmas display than he heard the sound of music being played rather well. So he stopped to have a look and a listen. And as he tapped a paw gently on the tarmac, he heard the strangest thing. He overheard one of the musicians say "Isn't that the Wabbit?" And the other one replied "Not the Wabbit! Surely never. We had better humour him, by playing him a song." And then they burst out in tune.

Rock on Wabbit/He's a Wabbit on a mission /He don't need no permission/to Rock and Roll
Right on Wabbit/His fur's in good condition/so we'll follow the Wabbit/
and we'll all wock and woll!

The Wabbit was very, very flattered - but at the same time he was a little embarrassed. So he clapped his paws together lightly then felt in his fur for his emergency coin, carefully placing it on the guitar case. And then he hopped quickly across the road, in case anybody else could see the Wabbit and sing more songs about him.

The Wabbit considers the duties of Christmas

The Wabbit crept between the children's feet and looked carefully at the Christmas display. He thought it was ... quite nice. Even although wabbits, as always, were excluded, he did think the bears were rather well-represented. But Arctic wabbits were so very, very lovely - and even though the Wabbit thought and thought, he could not come up with an explanation as to why these beautiful creatures were never considered. Then the Wabbit looked at the presents under the tree and wondered what was in the boxes. Christmas was coming and the Wabbit felt unprepared. What about the cards? What about the gifts? And most worrisome of all, what about all the Wabbit's relations? That made the Wabbit tremble slightly. Because wabbits have so many relations, it could make the festive season seem daunting. "Don't worry Wabbit" thought the Wabbit. "I wish them all well - and that's more than enough!" Satisfied, the Wabbit hopped in a sprightly way, bidding the bears a cheery goodbye.

The Wabbit invents the Automatic Wabbit Wash

No sooner had the Wabbit awakened that he was whisked off to do Christmas shopping. It was something the Wabbit liked to put off, although he enjoyed it when it happened. The Wabbit knew that he had to be forcibly encouraged. It was very warm in the car and sometimes it was too hot, since the Wabbit had substantial amounts of his own fur. Just as he nudged the climate control switch with his nose, the Wabbit was suddenly surrounded by giant brushes, which whirled and whooshed and whirled again. "My goodness me, whatever next!" thought the Wabbit. The Wabbit thought it would be very peculiar indeed of there was a giant Wabbit Wash where wabbits of all kinds queued to be cleaned. There might even be a premium grooming option which the Wabbit thought of as the Big Golden Wabbit Wash. The Wabbit murmured to himself about the possible options. "Six Wabbit Washes, get one free!" The Wabbit decided he quite liked Christmas shopping and chortled quietly in the way that wabbits sometimes do.

The Wabbit counted the days to Christmas

The Wabbit was home. And as he had anticipated, a fire was glowing brightly and flames leapt high from a monster log. It was almost as if someone had read his thoughts and provided a fire log for the Wabbit. The Wabbit lay down and snuggled. It was certainly worth going out in the ice and snow, just to come back! The Wabbit thought back on the events of his trip and agreed with himself that it had been a good one. But he knew that sometimes the Wabbit was prone to agreeing with himself - and it was something he especially looked out for. "Oh look you silly wabbit, Christmas is coming!" thought the Wabbit to himself. "How many wabbit days are there until Christmas anyway?" He counted 17 days, by tapping his teeth slightly. "Not long", thought the Wabbit. "Not long at all!" And then the Wabbit fell fast asleep.

The Wabbit dreams of a Log Fire

The Wabbit was at last in his very own street and although it looked far, his home was near enough. The weather had turned damp and wet. The snow was disappearing fast and that was good news for the Wabbit. His cousin wabbits in the Arctic could keep it, thought the Wabbit. “When I get home”, further speculated the Wabbit, “perhaps there will be an enormous log fire and I will dry my fur with speed.” The Wabbit’s fur was prone to wetness but deep inside the Wabbit was warm. “Next year”, thought the Wabbit, “I shall be more prepared for inclement weather!” And then the Wabbit was very tickled with his vocabulary and made a soft grinding noise with his jaws. Then the Wabbit spoke loudly to himself. “If I had any boots, I would be far too big for them!” And the Wabbit laughed and laughed and laughed

The Wabbit finds traces of incomers in his Neighbourhood

Aided by he warmth of Lagomorph Lager, the Wabbit easily made his way home. But when he rounded a corner into a familiar street he was stopped dead in his tracks by a strange sight. Or was it? "Eskimos!" gasped the Wabbit and he hunched down for a better look. The Wabbit was aware that not everyone liked the term Eskimo, but he knew no other. Anyway, the Wabbit was completely unaware of any Eskimos in the area but he acknowledged that there could easily be a small community. People travelled around, reasoned the Wabbit. Many people from different lands had made the Wabbit's neighbourhood more diverse and interesting. So had climate change made the presence of Eskimos here a likelihood? The Wabbit hoped it had, despite his cold paws. "I will return if the weather holds. Perhaps they might need help to build the igloo." And the Wabbit, resolved that day to be a more helpful wabbit in as many ways as a wabbit could.

The Wabbit pauses for a Photo Opportunity

One gulp of Lagomorph Lager and the Wabbit felt quite dreamy. It was better than he had expected. Light on the palate, it had an admirable aftertaste and a pleasant warmth spread to his cold paws. A camera was produced and the Wabbit pulled himself up into what he thought was an elegant pose. "I hope this doesn't mean I automatically endorse the product for all wabbits." murmured the Wabbit. On the other hand, the Wabbit was very impressed. "If the derogation comes through for the proposed Wabbit Headquarters this would make for tasty opening toasts" he thought. Thinking of that, the Wabbit also felt quite toasty too, and that improved the prospect of his journey home through the snow. So the Wabbit tucked his loyalty card into his fur and hopped to the door.

The Wabbit is made to feel totally Welcome

The Wabbit was relieved to find himself inside the store. Thinking he was late, he had given himself a lot of stress. But after all that worrying he was slightly early instead! The two helpful staff made a cosy tasting area for him and apparently they could see the Wabbit, which was no bad thing at a tasting. A bottle of Lagomorph Lager ws brought to his table and - in a kind of ceremony - he was presented with an Oddbins loyalty card. "Oh I do like this !" thought the Wabbit. "I may come again." Then the Wabbit realised he had not actually tasted the Lagomorph Lager. He was so overwhelmed with the experience that he had completely forgotten the object of his journey. "Oh I am a silly wabbit sometimes.", thought the Wabbit, and smiled.

The Wabbit finally arrives at the Store

Finally the Wabbit got to the store where the tasting was to take place. Huffing and puffing, he was still complaining through his teeth about the state of the pavements. According to the Wabbit, not enough care was taken of the roads. They were invariably dirty and when there was bad weather, they were just left in a poor condition and wabbits had to fend for themselves. The paws of wabbits not only became matted, but fell victim to small cuts which could only bring infection and sickness. The Wabbit's complaints went on and on and on until the Wabbit himself realised that he could not control everything. All at once the Wabbit recognised he was spoiling his own fun. Had he forgotten the Lagomorph Lager and the anticipated tasting?. "OK, OK" said the Wabbit, "This is the right place. Bring on the Christmas cheer." And then the Wabbit smiled to himself. And his smile revealed every single one of his 28 teeth and they gleamed in the light from the store.

The Wabbit meets an Obstruction

The Wabbit hopped towards the shops even though his neighbourhood was caught in wintry conditions. He had heard through his network that there was special beer available that was suitable for wabbits. He was not so keen when he heard it was called Lagomorph Lager. But he thought he had better give it a chance. No-one would see him if he slipped in to one of these very ritzy tastings that the store put on from time to time. The door was always open and, being a wabbit, he just couldn't help hopping in and poking things. Up to this point the Wabbit had found it easy enough to negotiate the slippery streets but the Wabbit suddenly found his way obstructed. "I'm going to miss the tasting", thought the Wabbit. "Oh no. This is always happening." And the Wabbit moaned and groaned and moaned until he felt quite exhausted.

The Wabbit assesses the Weather (unfavourably)

No-one ever saw the Wabbit and that was both good and bad. It was why the Wabbit was always tentative on the balcony because he knew that sometimes the shutters would close and he would be stuck. It would be rather cold to be stuck there, but anyway he pushed himself up onto his hind legs for a good look. "Winter Wonderland" murmured the Wabbit with a note of sarcasm. Although the Wabbit was perfectly familiar with snow, he could take it or leave it. The Wabbit admitted to himself that, for preference, he would leave it. It hampered his movement, impeded his tasks and it did something funny to the light. Nevertheless, the Wabbit resumed his surveillance. Nothing was moving - not people, not cars, not even small mammals. "I don't care", thought the Wabbit. "I will go out and it will be quiet. I shall move carefully in a slight quirky loping gait. And no-one shall see me slide in the snow." And that's exactly what the Wabbit did.

The Wabbit and the Strange Box in the Street

The Wabbit was flabbergasted, but not for long. This was close to home and as long as the Wabbit had lived in these parts, there had always been strange things left in this street. But this was different. A package from foreign parts had been tossed aside. What if someone had dropped it? What if there was something in it? What if it was, in fact, intended for the Wabbit (but heavily disguised for secrecy). The Wabbit approached the parcel and nudged it with his nose. It sounded empty but that didn't mean much. It could be a soft toy or handkerchiefs. On the other hand it could well be be something very sinister sent by the agents of RABIT. The Wabbit had crossed paws with RABIT before, an unpleasant organisation with significant powers and unsavoury methods. Suddenly a gust of wind sent the parcel skittering down the road and into another street. "Out of my jurisdiction", murmured the Wabbit with relief. And nonchalantly whistling between his teeth, he proceeded home.

The Wabbit and the strange case of the Balloon Monster

The Wabbit was back in his neighbourhood. After his long hop around the adjacent area, he was quite exhausted and ready for a nice nap. But then a strange sight caught his eye. At first glance it looked rather like a Balloon Monster but on closer inspection you could see feet sticking out of the bottom (the Wabbit was up to such tricks since he was always at ground level). All at once the Wabbit imagined the great opening of his New Headquarters. There would be many balloons and music and carrots on sticks. Of course, the Wabbit was only speculating, since in reality he preferred his patch. And he did not have the necessary subvention to allow for the purchase of Real Estate. But it was nice to dream. "Hello balloon person!" the Wabbit cried out. But the balloon person couldn't hear him. And he certainly couldn't see him. He looked as if he might trip over and then the Wabbit felt a bit sorry for the Balloon Monster. At least wabbits didn't have to go about in this fashion. Not yet anyway. But quietly, the Wabbit noted down the number of the Balloon Company. "You just never know", thought the Wabbit.

The Wabbit becomes concerned about his Environment

The Wabbit paused by the canal bank at a spot that was not far from the site of his proposed headquarters. He had expected to find the water in better condition since it also flowed through his very own neighbourhood. But this was upstream and the poor canal seemed rather forlorn. Naturally the Wabbit had no thought of putting this matter on his list because his list was quite lengthy. And he knew that a struggle against one's wabbit environment is the most difficult to win. "If this is near my proposed headquarters, then I may review the position." murmured the Wabbit. After all, what would the Wabbit say to his esteemed guests? (In reality the Wabbit hadn't actually anticipated any guests until now.) Well, thought the Wabbit, "I could tell them it was just a temporary blip. Or that it was some other wabbit's fault. Oh I know, I might just tell them it was like that when I got here." The Wabbit thought long and hard. "No," thought the Wabbit. "I just can't do it." Then with a sigh of enormous reluctance, the Wabbit wrote "environment" on his list.

The Wabbit considers acquiring Real Estate

The Wabbit continued his walk in a close neighbourhood and was surprised to come across an interesting building (It was a little known fact that the Wabbit liked interesting buildings). Ever since the Wabbit had been co opted onto the Committee of Experts as a spokeswabbit on Wabbit Affairs, he had been asked about his Headquarters. Of course the Wabbit had no Headquarters. Strictly speaking, thought the Wabbit, it was not good form for a wabbit to have an HQ at all. But this building would make such a good place for the administration of Wabbit Affairs. And it looked as if it had been empty for some time. In the Wabbit's imagination he saw himself behind a massive desk on the top floor. And the floors below were teeming with wabbits carrying out important tasks. But for the life of him, the Wabbit could not think of what these tasks would be. And then the Wabbit lay on his back and laughed and laughed!

The Wabbit bumps into a Random Bale

The Wabbit was determined to sort out his list and decided to go on a longer walk around to visit adjacent neighbourhoods. He was convinced that this would give him fresh ideas. But no sooner had he ventured into new territories, than he ran into a big bale in the road and bent his ears back (and to the sides). "What the binky-bink!" said the Wabbit. The Wabbit did not expect bales of rubbish at the traffic lights. And certainly, the Wabbit was very, very reluctant to put any more matters on his list. He had plenty of things to deal with and no help whatsoever from other lagomorphs. I shall have to let this one slip, thought the Wabbit. "This time", said the Wabbit, "I didn't see anything. I was never here and even if I was, I was asleep." So the Wabbit hopped off quite quickly. And in any case, no-one ever saw the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the parking question

The Wabbit was always wondering about how things worked. Even in his own neighbourhood, which he knew better than most, he felt he had never quite understood everything. But when he noticed the big new sign, he knew that there was something going on. Something to do with space. Although the Wabbit had made his home in the city, he remembered the vast open spaces of wabbit territory. There, no-one would dream of demanding hay or carrots from another wabbit for a space. Wabbits had no need of parkings, so the Wabbit hopped away with relief. He didn't have to put the matter on his list (which was already rather long). And as he loped home he quietly folded his list and tucked it away. Phew! A relaxing weekend was what the Wabbit needed. But then, you could never tell with the Wabbit.

The Wabbit meets the Firefighters

On his journey to town, the Wabbit kept to the edges - except here where it was difficult (but not impossible) to be incognito. As he headed round the corner, keeping his ears down and his eyes wide open, he noticed a wonderful beast. It was bwight red and there were flashing lights. "Ooh", said the Wabbit. "I would love to ride in that fire engine and scale the great ladder." But there didn't seem to be a fire. The Wabbit was glad about that, but at the same time he felt he had missed all the fun. And just as he was thinking about it, a fireman looked down at him and gave him a cheery wave. The Wabbit was delighted. He binkied slightly and did that funny thing with his ears. But then he was puzzled. "No-one usually sees the Wabbit", he thought.

The Wabbit considers Comfortable Shoes

The Wabbit was delighted to reach a leaves-free area. Although it seemed very quiet indeed, he much preferred his own neighbourhood, if the truth be known. All this gallivanting around spook territory had quite worn him out. Concerns had been expressed about the state of the Wabbits's paws with all these leaves and the constant flooding in the streets. So the Wabbit had actively considered footwear - even if was unusual for a wabbit. The Wabbit therefore looked at the sign with interest. But he had no shoes to repair, far less three. Three pairs would be greedy, thought the Wabbit, because he knew there were many mammals with no shoes at all. Perhaps if he just took his paws to the man in the shop, something could be done. Something appropriate. Something made to measure. Or maybe he could just wait for better weather. He looked at the signs again and he decided there was nothing he really needed. He didn't need keys (he tittered at the thought). He could probably do without shoes really. And what possible need could the Wabbit have for photographic prints? "Someday my prints will come!" grunted the Wabbit to no-one in particular - and he made that snickering noise through his teeth.

The Wabbit and the Leaves on The List

The Wabbit was rather pleased with the way in which he had disposed of the agents from Rabit. But as he made his way home he was riled to see something that he felt had been remedied. This had been on his list, but had been crossed off. Or so the Wabbit thought. "Accursed leaves" said the Wabbit. "They have not been removed as agreed - and now they've gone soggy." When the leaves turned into a sodden mass, wabbits were mightily inconvenienced. The slimy mass attached to their paws so they were delayed in going about their wabbit business. As far as the Wabbit was concerned the leaves were toxic, pestilent even, in this state and it was the duty of the powers-that-be to remove them. The Wabbit thought about direct action but there were more pressing matters to attend to. And so the Wabbit hopped high and only touched down lightly on the offending vegetation as he made his way home.

The Wabbit meets some Unsavoury Elements

On the Wabbit's list was a visit to the Big Toy Store to assess the social exclusion of wabbits. But he had no sooner approached the displays when he heard a tinny voice. "Hey Wabbit!". The Wabbit could not believe his ears and he thought "Whatever next?" The tinny voice persisted. "We are agents of Rabit. The Rapid Border Intervention Team. We demand that you produce your Certificate of Existence." The Wabbit was naturally a good natured sort by nature. But he could feel his temper getting a little frayed round the edges - especially after the skeleton incident. "Now look sunshine", he growled. "I have limited patience. Take your stooges and be off with you." "And if we don't?", sneered the agent of Rabit. The Wabbit had already assessed the situation. "I have friends here and they are becoming restless. They are global mammals and they don't hold with borders. The wallabies especially don't feel the need for certificates to prove they're here." The Wabbit could hear a stomping of marsupial feet from behind him, so he paused for effect. "Oh stay if you like. Make their day!" But before he had finished the agents had vanished into thin air. The Wabbit smiled to himself and glanced over his shoulder - and saw several wallabies taking off their boxing gloves in a disappointed fashion. The Committee of Experts would hear of this. Of that the Wabbit was certain.

The Wabbit meets a post-Halloween Spook

One of the things on the Wabbit's list was the question of Wabbit exclusion, practiced by some stores. But he was surprised on this visit that Hallowe'en decorations had not yet been removed. As the Wabbit stared at the skeleton, he heard a faint rasping voice. "Hey Wabbit!" There it was again. "Hey Wabbit!" The Wabbit was sure this was some kind of trick and so he made a decision to participate. First he looked all around to see if there was anyone close by. When he was sure he was alone. he addressed the skeleton. "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?" The Wabbit was highly amused. He jumped slightly and the tops of his ears twirled and he continued relentlessly. "Then who the binky else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the binky-bink do you think you're talking to?" The Wabbit laughed but then his blood ran cold. "I'm talking to you, Wabbit" rasped the skeleton. The Wabbit turned and, without fiurther ado, bounded to comparative safety inside the big store. Dealing with spooks was not on his list.

The Wabbit and the Dry Gents Cut

The Wabbit hated the rain. It made his fur clumpy and the back of his ears itch. For that reason he crouched in a doorway to watch the passing thwong. The Wabbit knew that no-one ever saw the Wabbit - but occasionally it was hard to believe. Because no matter where he crouched, someone would step on his paws. "It's because no-one can see you", said one of his friends. But the Wabbit knew there was more to it than that. Sometimes as an experiment he would position himself in a small out of the way corner, then brace himself for the stampede to that exact place. But he knew he was safe just behind the barber's advertisement. No gent wanted a dry cut on a wet day. The Wabbit shook with mirth as he chortled to himself (through his teeth).

The Wabbit and the Tactile Ground Surface Indicators

The Wabbit was mostly at street level, so he saw a lot of stuff that other people didn't. And of course, no-one ever saw the Wabbit. He had still to make his list but the job kept getting delayed. He was looking everywhere for inspiration, but inspiration came there none. Of course, the Wabbit did not like the way things were organised. He considered them wabbit unfriendly. As he looked along the street he thought of his Chinese friend, Sun, who would most certainly advise that there is no reality. Everything is "nothing" and so it was no use worrying about it. The Wabbit had a little difficulty with this although he found it soothing. But he knew for sure that this road surface always hurt his paws. Tactile domes indeed, thought the Wabbit - and he just about caught his hind leg in a twitch.

The Wabbit experiences a deep-seated Deflation

Hardly had the Wabbit renewed his acquaintance with his neighbourhood, than he felt a deep-seated dissatisfaction. What had happened? The Wabbit knew that on this door was a sign of a party, which clearly he had missed. He hadn't been invited anyway. But the balloons had deflated and they looked down and dimpled. Perhaps, thought the Wabbit, that was the way things were around here. Down and dimpled. The Wabbit had much to do and he hadn't even started on that list he had promised to make. His rear left leg started tapping in an agitated manner. The Wabbit needed inspiration.

The Wabbit and the Black Plastic Sacks

The Wabbit had definitely returned to the city. The season seemed to have changed since he was away and now there were leaves and leaf blowers and sacks of vegetation. The Wabbit did not like plastic sacks. Once, someone had thrown a sack over the Wabbit - possibly in error since no one ever saw the Wabbit. It had been rather unpleasant although it was easy to chew through a sack. The Wabbit supposed that people in the city needed to do these things to keep themselves amused. But the Wabbit found it hard to understand because he was in essence quite a serious Wabbit. "Hmmm ..." thought the Wabbit. "Black sack cwossed my path!"

The Wabbit on the Voyage Home

The Wabbit's vacation was nearly over. He looked out to sea as his ferry approached the dock. It would be an easy matter to hop onto the car deck and then he would make for the private lounge. No one ever saw the Wabbit. Which was just as well, because he could chew through a prodigious amount of stuff on a ferry. But he would be on his best behaviour, thought the Wabbit. There was much to do when he got home. In the ferry he would find a nice quiet corner and make a list. And no doubt there would be salad sandwiches to keep him going. The Wabbit wiggled his nose as the loudspeakers called for passengers to board. He hopped his way to the embarcation point and as he did so he hummed "I'm a pass-enger, I'm a pass-enger", chortling to himself through his teeth.

The Wabbit pays a visit to a Distant Relation

The Wabbit's vacation was nearly at end. But he had one more thing to do, having promised a distant relation that he would visit him. His name was Chief Wabbit of Galloway. The Wabbit had often pointed out to his relation that this was a title and not a proper name. The Chief Wabbit of Galloway had replied that by this time he had forgotten what his real name actually was. "And anyway", said the Chief Wabbit "What about you?" Realising the Chief had a point, the Wabbit no longer felt like mentioning it. Chief Wabbit lived in a splendid spot, so remote that not many knew it was there. The Wabbit felt that Chief Wabbit was a little reclusive for a wabbit. But he loved the lighthouse and frolicked around in the full knowledge that he would not be disturbed. It was certainly good to have distant relations, thought the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Great Wabbit Gathering Place

Now the Wabbit was not one for compromising his vacation with work. But when he stepped outside the cafe, he knew this was the place for the Great Gathering. And as he looked at the empty scene, in his mind it suddenly filled with wabbits. Rank upon serried rank of wabbits came streaming down the hill to the fence until no grass could be seen. And he saw himself, the Wabbit, flanked on either side by a bwigade of marsh wabbits, addressing the vast gathering. It was indeed a mighty sight. Then gradually, the scene faded and there were only fields again. Yes, thought the Wabbit. This should be the place. But the Wabbit knew it didn't matter who addressed the wabbits really. as long as the Wabbits gathered and were as one.