The Wabbit and the Sausage Incident

"It was spontaneous combustion!" said the Wabbit, "just like you see on Discovery Channel." "You deliberately took a lighter out of your fur," said Lapinette. "I only intended to light a small paper napkin," said the Wabbit. "It was provocative" said Lapinette. "Well that's all in the past," said the Wabbit diplomatically and he flicked his lighter a few times. "Anyway, the demonstration was all your idea." he added very, very quietly. "Rabbit sausages should be forbidden, it's against nature," said Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded in agreement and pondered for a while. "Well, maybe you shouldn't have tipped the policeman's hat off," he murmured. "He shouted at me in an uncouth manner," said Lapinette. "What did he say?" asked the Wabbit as he looked down to dust charcoal from his fur. "That wabbits were nothing but trouble," said Lapinette, imitating a whiny voice. The Wabbit stifled a giggle, which he thought might be unwise under the circumstances. "What happened to the sausages anyway?" asked Lapinette. "They got cooked in the fire and a lot of customers came and ate them up," said the Wabbit ruefully. Lapinette slapped a paw to her head and groaned. "Look, the fire was very small and that nice fireman put it out with a single extinguisher," said the Wabbit.  "So how many lunches do you owe the emergency services now?" asked Lapinette. "Eleven," smiled the Wabbit,  "I'm a legend in their own lunchtime."

The Wabbit and the Many Maps

The Wabbit and Lapinette met to look at maps. The secret map of the Agents of Rabit contained a list of references to other maps, so Lapinette produced  her Big Map Box and emptied it on the table. “What about the original map?” enquired the Wabbit.  Lapinette pointed to her head. “I memorised it,” she exclaimed, “and then it was eaten.” “Oh,” said the Wabbit and he tried to think of what to say. “What did it taste like?” he asked finally. “I don’t know,” said Lapinette “I gave it to Big Blue Snail to eat. He said it was the most delicious map ever.” The Wabbit smiled and pored over the maps. “Greece, Germany, Ireland and ... Abu Dhabi,” he said with interest. “Abu Dhabi Agents of Rabit, “ sighed Lapinette.  “They certainly get around,” chuckled the Wabbit and he took some time to review all the locations on all of the maps. “I had one of these talking maps,” said the Wabbit suddenly. “Really, how did that work?” smiled Lapinette. “By satellite,” said the Wabbit. “You tell it where you want to go and it gives you  precise directions.”  “A GPS,”  said Lapinette. “I don’t know, it never worked for me,”  said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked questioningly and the Wabbit scowled. “Everywhere  I asked for,  it said, ”I’m as mystified as you.””

8. The Wabbit at the Zero Caffè

Lapinette was studying something very intently when the Wabbit arrived with his protégés in tow. "I present Mo and To, the MoTo Snails," said the Wabbit with pride. Lapinette assessed the Snails for quite some time. "How fast?" she asked eventually. "Oh around Mach 2," said the Wabbit in a matter-of-fact manner that suggested Mach 2 was routine for a snail.  "Wabbit!" shouted Lapinette. "Have you and Big Blue Snail been working in that shed again?" "We hired a garage," said the Wabbit innocently. Lapinette looked sternly at the Wabbit and then turned to the Snails. "Mo and To, are you quite happy with this turn of events?" she enquired softly. "Delighted," said Mo. "Critically delighted," said To. While Mo and To were wiggling their antennae in delight, the Wabbit seized the opportunity to ask what Lapinette was studying. "The Map," said Lapinette. "What map?" asked  To. "The locations of our wicked and vengeful enemies, the agents of Rabit," said Lapinette. To and Mo looked questioningly. "They would make sausages of us all," explained Lapinette.  "We’re against them!" shouted Mo. "Let's get 'em!" yelled To. "Now!" they cried in unison. Big Blue Snail shook his head. "I fear their youthful enthusiasm requires tempering by a mature and wise mind," he said. There was a thud as Lapinette slapped her menu on the table. "Well, I hope you’re not thinking of the Wabbit," she said.

7. The Wabbit and the Speed Trials

The Wabbit and friends crept out on a crisp, cold morning and scaled the heights of an old disused railway track that crossed the neighbourhood. Then the Wabbit produced a salvaged stop watch from his fur and set it to zero. "Start when I say go," said the Wabbit. But Mo and To had already gone. The Wabbit strained his eyes and he spotted a blue blur in the distance, getting steadily bigger. They were already on their way back! "Wow," thought the Wabbit to himself. "How fast were we?" breathed the Snails. "No-one knows," said the Wabbit, "because you left before I set my stop watch." "It felt fast," said To. "It was super fast!" said Mo. "It's unrecorded and doesn't count," said the Wabbit. Mo and To were properly crestfallen and the Wabbit took pity. "Think you can do it again?" smiled the Wabbit. Mo was already leaving but To quickly grabbed him back. "There will be a penalty for a false start," said the Wabbit. "What kind of a penalty?" asked Mo. The Wabbit hadn't really thought of a penalty but now he felt obliged to name one. So he thought and thought. "You have to go round again and it's added to your time," he said finally. "OK get ready, counting you down to zero," said the Wabbit. Both Mo and To gazed steadily at him.  "Zero," he said. There was an enormous rush of air and a loud crack as Mo and To left and arrived back.  "How were we?" said Mo and To. The Wabbit shook his stop watch free of broken glass. "You owe me a replacement," he grinned.

6. The Wabbit, Power, Traction and Slime

At a small garage not far from the Testaccio Market, the Wabbit and Big Blue Snail worked until night. The Wabbit aimed to improve the power and thrust of the MoTo Snails, whilst Big Blue Snail sought to enhance their slime production. They were seeing moderate success. "I'm increasing your power," said the Wabbit. "Excellent," said To. "To what end?" said Mo. "Speed and manoeuvrability," said the Wabbit. "Won't power make us go faster?" asked To. "To go faster you have to transfer your power to the road," said the Wabbit. "Your traction is critical," said Big Blue Snail, "otherwise you will spin round and round on your own slime." "Cool," said Mo and the Snails' antennae wiggled in delight. Big Blue Snail gave them a withering look and thought for a moment. "I need to make diet adjustments," he said and he vanished, quickly returning with a mixture of fruit, leaves, kale and mulberry. "Oh, do we have to?" asked Mo. Big Blue Snail added lettuce, artichoke, celeriac and tomato. "Mmmm, we have to," said To. "May I add something," said the Wabbit, delving in his fur. "Of course," said Big Blue Snail. The Wabbit took out a small packet and he added a homeopathic sprinkle. To and Mo wolfed the food with delight. "What's the added ingredient?" whispered Big Blue Snail. "Nitro," said the Wabbit. "Let's lay slime," said Big Blue Snail.

5. The Wabbit and the MoTo Snails

Next in the new Snails' education, was the market. "This is where snails assist in global recycling," said Big Blue Snail. "Look how blue the market has become," observed the Wabbit. "Here comes a blue snack now," said Big Blue Snail, "the traders are only too happy for us to eat their cardboard." "Perfect," said the first Snail in delight. "I'll wait and see how it goes," said the second suspiciously. The Wabbit smiled. "You require new names," he said. "I can't keep saying "You Snails" - it's rude." The new Snails pondered. "What makes you different from other snails?" asked Big Blue Snail. "We're fast Snails," they replied. "We're from Misano, near Rimini." said the first Snail. "We race the circuit there," said the second. "What's your best lap time?" asked the Wabbit, winking discreetly at Big Blue Snail. "One point three three," said the first Snail. The Wabbit's eyes widened and his ears began to quiver. "Minutes?" he asked. "Hours," said the second Snail. The Wabbit tried to keep a straight face. "Oh, that's respectably rapid, my good Wabbit," cautioned Big Blue Snail in an admonishing tone. "Then our new Snails are now Mo and To!" said the Wabbit swiftly, "they're the MoTo Snails!" The Snails wiggled their antennae joyfully. "Do your shells revolve by any chance?" asked the Wabbit shrewdly, pointing to their racy whirls. "We spin them for speed," they said together. The Wabbit turned to Big Blue Snail in excitement. "To the workshop!" he said.

4. The Wabbit and Anita Garibaldi

Big Blue Snail had decided that his admirers needed political education. The Wabbit was leading them all through the Villa Pamphili Park to the Gianicolo Hill but they hadn't gone far when they heard a neighing and whinnying and a stamping of hooves. Suddenly a statue of horse and rider appeared, blocking their path. The Wabbit hopped forward immediately with a welcoming paw. "You're supposed to be at the top of the Hill," he said. "We got fed up waiting," said the horse. "The Wabbit speaks with statues?" asked the new Snails. "They speak with him," said Big Blue Snail. The new Snails tried unsuccessfully to show they weren't impressed. "Listen youngsters," said the Wabbit. "This is Anita Garibaldi, escaping from the wicked enemy, carrying her new born child." "Oooooh," said the new Snails, "how brave!" "Was she against things?" asked one Snail. "She was for things," said the Wabbit. "She was for freedom and unity and we can learn from her." "What would you like to know, young Snails?" said Anita. "Will it take long to achieve freedom and unity?" asked the new Snails. "Do you love your species with all your heart?" said Anita. "Yes," chorused the new Snails  "Prepare for hardship, battles and ultimately triumph," said Anita. The Snails looked suitably chastened. Anita turned to the Wabbit. "We shall meet again, Commander," she said. "For new triumphs," replied the Wabbit and he waved his paw. Both horse and rider vanished and all that remained of their presence was the sound of galloping.

3. The Wabbit and the New Snail Model Army

Up on the Villa Pamphili, the Wabbit introduced the new Snails to his blue comapanion. "Who are those two?" asked Big Blue Snail. "Those," said the Wabbit, "are the self-styled New Model Snail Army." "They'll need to smarten up," said Big Blue Snail. "Come come," responded the Wabbit. "They do have a certain je ne sais quoi."  Big Blue Snail snorted. Adopting a imperious tone he addressed the pair. "Fellow Snails!" he commanded. "We must make a great leap forward!" "Now! Now! Now!" chanted the new Snails. Big Blue Snail turned and looked at the Wabbit questioningly but the Wabbit merely winked at him. So Big Blue Snail slid up and down several times in front of the snails, then turned to address them directly. "Now," he said, "is this very moment." The new Snails stared at him. "Now, is all that has been before," said Big Blue Snail. The new Snails slid backwards slightly and gaped. "Now, is the sum of all our opportunities in the future," said Big Blue Snail. The new Snails gasped incredulously. "All at the very same time?" they queried. Big Blue Snail gave a single, short and rather grave nod. The two looked at each other for what seemed to the Wabbit like an age. "Cool!" they breathed softly.

2. The Wabbit and the Alternative Snails

The Wabbit hopped along the street until he caught up with two large blue Snails. "Hey you two," he shouted. "You're not the original Big Blue Snail!" The Snails turned and tried to menace the Wabbit, but the Wabbit was not to be menaced. "Now look you Snails," said the Wabbit. "You'd better explain what's going on. Or there'll be trouble." "Um, OK," said one Snail. "We are the advance guard of the Alternative Snail Army." "The New Model Snail Army," said the other. "What do you stand for?" asked the Wabbit. "We're not exactly sure," said the first Snail. "But we're against things," said the second. The Wabbit shook his head. "You Snails have to be clear," he said "or no-one will know what you want." "We're against oppression and we want Snail freedom," said the first Snail. "It's a bit general," said the Wabbit. "We want Snail Rights," said the second Snail. "What are these rights?" asked the Wabbit gently. "The right to be left alone and supplied with plenty of leaves, fruit and cardboard," said the first Snail. "Seems reasonable," said the Wabbit, "so let's start. I'll shout a question and you respond." "OK," said the Snails. The Wabbit hunched his shoulders and put his head back. "What do we want?" he bellowed. "Rights for Snails!" they yelled back. "When do we want them?" yelled the Wabbit. "In due course!" shouted the Snails. The Wabbit slapped a paw to his head. "You Snails need training," he muttered.

1. The Wabbit at Loose End

The Wabbit hopped all around the city and eventually admitted that he was at a loose end. He looked about and all he could see was concrete. "I'm going to call this place Loose End," thought the Wabbit and he dug his paws deep into his fur. A warm south wind blew through the cold air. It was a very strange wind that carried a red grit that got in the Wabbit's eyes and made them sting. The Wabbit was unsettled. "Sometimes the city seems friendly and sometimes it doesn't," he thought. But this was a time when the city seemed indifferent, and above all other things, the Wabbit hated indifference. "I need something to do," thought the Wabbit. But the Wabbit reasoned that if he consulted his to-do list, he would find he had so many duties to perform. So he burrowed his paws further into his fur and resolved not to think about lists. "I need  a success," thought the Wabbit. "Maybe even a great triumph," he thoughtfully added. And he scuffed the street with his feet and leaned back against the iron fence. But the Wabbit knew one thing. He knew that little came from leaning against iron fences. So he squinted his eyes and he stared and he thought until his brain raced. And as he looked at the traffic passing routinely along the street he noticed something odd. "Now what the binky is that?" thought the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Art Adventure Caffè

The beach at Fregene was deserted except for the Wabbit and Skratch and Lapinette. Lapinette smiled as she took delivery of the painting and her ears twitched in delight. "A job well done," she said. "Oh yes of course," said the Wabbit. "Just our usual. And is everyone having the usual?" Skratch’s tail quivered with anticipation. "The painting, the painting, what about this sought after painting?" he shouted. The Wabbit poured a glass of hot milk for Skratch and looked at Lapinette. "Skratch wants to know what’s so special about the painting," he said. "The painting," said Lapinette, "is the first in a series called Wabbitlands." "Very nice of its type," said Skratch. "But Skratch wants to know ..." said the Wabbit.  "... what’s so special?" smiled Lapinette. "About the painting!" yelled Skratch. Lapinette giggled. "Hidden behind the painting is a map of all the locations of our enemies, the despicable Agents of Rabit," she said with satisfaction. Skratch leaned forward sharply. "We could have taken the map from the back of the painting," he said. "That would have given the game away," said Lapinette, "because the Euls didn’t know it was there." "And besides," said the Wabbit, "it's a nice picture." "In an extremely heavy frame," said Skratch. "You were a work of art, carrying a work of art," said the Wabbit. Skratch smiled a big smile. "My art belongs to Dada," he purred. 

10. The Wabbit's Last Submarine Home

Up on the Hillside not so far away, the ghouls and the ghosts and the Euls gathered themselves together and  grumbled about the loss of the painting, whilst safe and sound in Dalkey Harbour, the friends caught the last submarine home. They had been waiting patiently at the dockside when it suddenly surfaced, much to the surprise of the fishermen who normally used the small port. "Coming with us Ghost Bunny?" asked the Wabbit affectionately. "I always wanted to sail in a submarine," said Ghost Bunny. "I heard that we're going to Abu Dhabi!" "Always!" said the Wabbit and he grinned a big grin. The Wabbit turned to Skratch and shook him by the paw. "Thank you Skratch, you showed commendable enterprise." "It was most enjoyable and I wouldn't have missed it for a cat's ransom," said Skratch, "but what’s so special about the painting?" "That’s a very long story for later," said the Wabbit. "The most important thing is that we have it and the Euls don’t have it and if we have what they don’t have, and they know we have it, it’s better all round." The Wabbit tended to make Skratch’s head spin with this kind of talk, but this time Skratch just laughed and laughed.  "So what are we going to do now, Commander?" he asked. "Run Silent, Run Deep!" smiled the Wabbit.

9. The Wabbit and the Delayed Ghost

Skratch and the Wabbit powered down the slope with the painting but they heard nothing behind them so they both stopped and turned. "I was expecting more chasing and chanting" said the Wabbit. "I can’t see a thing," said Skratch. They both stared at the old haunted Hellfire Club and rubbed their eyes until they were sore. "Strange," said the Wabbit. “Curious,” said Skratch. "Well, I’ll just put this heavy painting down," said the Wabbit, "it’s making my shoulder ache." "Maybe we should go while the going is good," said Skratch cautiously. Suddenly they heard a terrible shriek and they ducked as Ghouls flew in all directions. They saw Euls flee from the house and tumble down the incline one after the other. Then, after what seemed like an age, an enormous white shape rose slowly and somewhat elegantly from behind the ancient stone walls. It dwarfed the rooftops and as it spread its ghostly wings, it issued a chilling scream that carved the air. It wailed and wailed until the brickwork trembled and tree branches bent backwards in the rush of air that followed the dreadful sound. "Disturbing," said the Wabbit and he clapped his paws. "And perturbing," said Skratch and he flicked his tail.  "What took you so long, Ghost Bunny?" said the Wabbit. “Paperwork,” howled Ghost Bunny. 

8. The Wabbit and the Great Escape

The Wabbit flinched as with a single sudden movement Skratch grabbed the precious painting and launched himself into the stairwell. "Yaaah!" shouted Skratch as he plunged down through the Ghouls and past the Euls to the hallway below. Now the Wabbit was left surrounded by three Ghouls, and he gasped as one started to chew his ear. But the Wabbit knew one thing. He could talk his way out of it. "Halt!" he yelled and to his surprise, the Ghouls did halt. "Why was the ghost thrown out of the Liverpool football team?" he enquired. "Duh," said the first spectre. "Dunno," said the second. "I give up," said the third. "He scored an own ghoul," said the Wabbit. Transfixed, the Ghouls began to shake with fury. They bared their ghastly teeth and drooled from their gaping cavities. "You can't say that about Liverpool," screeched the first Ghoul. "You'll never haunt alone?" suggested the Wabbit. "Kill him for his bad jokes," shouted the second Ghoul." "Be seeing you," said the Wabbit and he hopped out over the rails and cartwheeled through the air. "I hate it when he says that," screamed the third Ghoul. "Rend him asunder!" cried another as they flew at the Wabbit. But the Wabbit made an elegant landing given the conditions - and together he and Skratch fled from the Hellfire Club pursued by their demonic foes. "What's rend asunder?" shouted Skratch. "I hope it's a race horse," yelled the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit and the old Ghoul

The pair bounded upstairs and into the large room. "Waaaah!" said an apparition which seemed to emerge from the very walls of the Hellfire Club. "Put up your dukes, you feckless fiend!" shouted Skratch, bunching his paws into fists. "Let's see what you're made of!" "He's not made of anything," said the Wabbit, "he's a hologram." Skratch let fly and hit the ghoul on the chin with a hay maker punch, but his paw passed right through the bones. "We meet again my furry friends," said the Ghoul in a jocular voice. Skratch looked at the Wabbit quizzically. "Oh, really. Don't encourage it, let's just take the painting," said the Wabbit. "You may have the painting, It's you we want, Commander Wabbit," said the Ghoul. "Ignore him, he's only a recording, Skratch. Lend me a paw here," said the Wabbit. "this painting is quite heavy." "Are you sure it's a recording?" said Skratch. The Wabbit heaved a sigh, hopped across and addressed the Ghoul directly. "You look like a rummage sale," said the Wabbit and he made a rude sign with his paw. "I prefer boutique," said the Ghoul. "Aaaaagh!" shouted Skratch and the Wabbit as they dived on the painting. They staggered under its weight but dragged it to the top of the stairs at lightning speed. "Do you see what I see?" said Skratch. Six ghastly Ghouls drifted up the stairwell with the Euls crowding close behind.

6. The Wabbit and the God of Hell Fire

Skratch the Cat threw his paws in the air and a mighty boom shook the cavernous room. "My name is Lucy Fur!" he cried, "and I am the God of Hell Fire!" "He brings you fire," whispered the Wabbit. Skratch wheeled round ferociously. "Underlings, I apologise for my assistant, Soul Fur," said Skratch, "he is mercifully free from the ravages of intelligence." The Wabbit grinned and crept close to the fire. "Cold night, cold nose," he said inanely and clapped his paws. Skratch whirled back to address the cowed Euls. "I came for my winnings," he said. There was a murmuring and a whispering. "My winnings!" shouted Skratch. "Where's my winnings? I see no winnings! There's supposed to be winnings!" Skratch's shadow grew taller and taller. "Winnings, winnings, winnings!" he yelled and he jumped up and down. "Produce the winnings and we can all go home," said the Wabbit softly and he moved even closer to the fire. "I want my painting now," said Skratch in a dark, menacing tone. This time there was a terrible moan from the gathering. "Give me back my painting!" screeched Skratch and stamped and stamped. "He's not the devil, no cloven feet," shouted a Eul. "Oh, that's just an urban folk myth," said the Wabbit and he flicked something into the fire. "Upstairs Skratch!" he shouted as the room filled with fumes. "Smokin'" yelled Skratch.

5. The Wabbit and the Hellfire Club

At the top of the hill, the air was cold and clouds drifted across a strange moonless night. "My fur feels weird," said Skratch as he clung to the rough, sloping roof. "Mine too," said the Wabbit. "Where's Ghost Bunny?" asked Skratch. "On her way," said the Wabbit. "Shall we wait then?" said Skratch. "No," said the Wabbit. "Lets just go in." "Shall we knock?" asked Skratch. "We shall sweep in as if we owned the place," said the Wabbit. "You look a bit a devil, Skratch, so now you're the devil and you've come for your stuff." "What stuff?" said Skratch. "Your gambling winnings from card games," said the Wabbit, "Talk tough and show no mercy." "What about you?" said Skratch. "I will be your hopeless assistant." said the Wabbit. "Make fun of me and I will distract them." "I'm going to enjoy this," said Skratch. "Don't get used to it," said the Wabbit and he shivered as a drawn out groan issued from the depths of the building and echoed painfully around the roof. Gales of laughter pealed from the house and and flame spat from the window, blackening the stonework. "Let's go, my genial fool," said Skratch with a grim smile. "The devil always gets the best lines," said the Wabbit ruefully. Silently they dropped from the roof and swept through the dark entrance.

4. The Wabbit Investigates a Castle

As Skratch the Cat Burglar scaled the heights of the old abandoned castle, the Wabbit kept a look out. "What news?" he whispered into his radio. "Hang on Wabbit and I'll get a better hold," said Skratch as he scrabbled for grip on the slippery stone surface. "Take your time, what can you hear?" said the Wabbit. "It's the Euls, I can hear them laughing," said Skratch. "What about the valuable painting?" hissed the Wabbit. "They're talking about it now," said Skratch. "There's a bit of chat about Abstract Impressionism," he added. "Pshaw!" said the Wabbit. "We're not here for a seminar, Wabbit," said Skratch. "Wait a second, they said something about Wabbit Affairs then giggled." "Can you see them now?" asked the Wabbit. "Yes," said Skratch, "they're looking at glossy art books and pointing." "A kick in the arts is what these Euls need," said the Wabbit, "can you see our painting?" "It's not there," said Skratch, "it's somewhere else." "Grrrr! Where?" shouted the Wabbit. "Shhhh," said Skratch. There was a long silence while the Wabbit listened. Then the radio crackled. "It's the Hellfire Club. The painting is there." said Skratch. "The Carrot Club?" asked the Wabbit hopefully. "Hellfire!" said Skratch. Another silence fell and the Wabbit was glad Skratch couldn't see his face. "Hello Wabbit are you there? Hello?" said Skratch urgently. Suddenly the radio spluttered. "I was calling in Ghost Bunny," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit Lands

"I know where we are!" said the Wabbit. "Abu Dhabi!" said Skratch. "Submariners call everything Abu Dhabi," said the Wabbit. You've been had. This is Baile Atha Cliath." "Whosit?" asked Skratch. "Dublin," said the Wabbit and he grinned broadly with all of his 28 teeth. "I know my way around, Skratch," he said cheerfully. The Wabbit shook water from his fur and thought for a moment. "What are we doing here?" he asked. "We are here," said Skratch ponderously, "to retrieve an old painting, highly valued by the Department of Wabbit Affairs." "Ah," said the Wabbit as if he had known all along. "It's being held by our enemies in a secret location." said Skratch. "Then lets go and get it," said the Wabbit, drying his fur by patting it with his paws then watching the droplets fall on the dockside. "How shall we pass ourselves off?" asked Skratch. "We're poets," said the Wabbit. "There's more poets round here than you can shake a stick at." "But what if someone asks me to say something," asked Skratch. "Speak in rhyming couplets," said the Wabbit. "I am a burglar, name of Skratch," offered Skratch. "Now there's a cat they'll never catch," said the Wabbit. They grinned at each other. "What about our Canadian helpers?" asked Skratch. "Undersea poets," said the Wabbit. "From Wablantis," said Skratch. "You'll do well," said the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit and the Torpedoes

"Skratch! I wasn't expecting you on board," said the Wabbit with the utmost surprise. "All hush hush," said Skratch. "The Department has made this mission part of my rehabilitation programme." "I didn't know it had one," said the Wabbit. "Oh yes," said Skratch. "I am officially in charge of getting stolen things back." "And how will you get these things back?" said the Wabbit. "Steal them," said Skratch. "I do hope you didn't steal that hat," said the Wabbit. "I borrowed it from the Weapon Engineer. I wanted to look right," said Skratch. "Well, if you want to get ahead get a hat," smiled the Wabbit. "So what's our ultimate destination Skratch?" "Hush, hush," said Skratch. "Will it take long?" asked the Wabbit. "Hush hush," said Skratch. "There's an echo in here," said the Wabbit with exasperation. "Echo in here?" said Skratch. The Wabbit chuckled for a while. "How do they propose to get us on shore, wherever it is?" he mused. "With these torpedoes," said Skratch. The Wabbit's fur raised somewhat. "They're going to fire us out of the submarine in torpedoes?" he asked. "One each. Boom, boom!" said Skratch. The Wabbit frowned. "Of course not Wabbit, we just have to swim out through the tubes," laughed Skratch. "I want a hat," sulked the Wabbit.

1. The Wabbit goes to Sea

It was cold on the beach despite the sun and blue sky. The Wabbit shivered and listened to the chatter of Lapinette's helichopper engines fade. Before long he could hear the muffled sound of another set of engines and a submarine suddenly surfaced in what the Wabbit thought had been shallow waters. As usual, the Wabbit had only the barest of clues about his new mission. "You'll be briefed on the journey," Lapinette had told him. The Wabbit thought that was all very well, but he knew the journey would have been more comfortable by car. He barely tolerated submarines, because he couldn't look out from the bridge and shout instructions into a telephone. But the journey was to be conducted under the heaviest secrecy and no shouting was allowed. He would have to put up with it. So the Wabbit hopped into his small boat and made his way out. "Permission to board," called the Wabbit, saluting the ensign. "Come aboard Sir," said the Captain. Where submarines were concerned, the Wabbit always worried that things might break off, so he dealt with that first. "Angles and dangles, when you're ready," he chirped. "They don't like such manoeuvres in these waters, Sir," said the Captain. "They'll never know," said the Wabbit, "Crash dive when there's room." "Trim party," shouted the Captain to the crew. "Party already? Mine's an aperitivo," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit's Drama Adventure Caffe

The Wabbit and Lapinette waited patiently for Skratch the Cat Burglar and Robot to join them. "What you both so long?" enquired Lapinette. "We were signing autographs at the stage door," said Skratch. "You predicted a riot," said Lapinette, turning to the Wabbit. "In the old days we would have had to scurry out of town before the trouble started," nodded the Wabbit knowledgeably. "What on earth for?" said Lapinette. "Having seen the play," said the Wabbit, "the apprentices would riot against social injustice and demand cheaper carrots."  "I think I can hear them now," said Lapinette and she twitched her ears. Everyone looked round and round then laughed. "Nice flowers," said the Wabbit. "Where did they come from?" "An unknown admirer," said Lapinette. "The Duck of Milan?" smiled the Wabbit. "Wabbit, they came from Giuliano Pisapia, and it's the Mayor these days, not a Duke," said Lapinette. "Oooh, where's my flowers?" asked the Wabbit. "You can have these," said Lapinette. "No, I'd give all my fame for a pot of aperitivo," said the Wabbit. "What about you Skratch?" "Latte caldo of course," said Skratch. "What's your poison?" asked the Wabbit of Robot who was making a grating sound. "Rubbing alcohol and cotton buds," said Robot.

6. The Wabbit takes a Bow

"How strange or odd some'er I bear myself, as I perchance hereafter shall think meet. To put an antic disposition on!" said the Wabbit sighing with relief to be at the end of his play. "I thought his lines were most trippingly spoken, the most antic of us all," said Lapinette pointing at Skratch. Skratch waved at the audience and smiled a broad grin. "When words are scarce they're hardly spent in vain and even though a cat, I had my day" said Skratch. "And I could smile and smile and be a villain," droned Robot. "But what occurs?" said the Wabbit. "The page is female, not a boy. She wore her gender in the fashion of a hat and all were fooled." "I was not fooled," said Robot, "but didst play along for fun and interest." "And now we must strip off the motley which we donned in jest and to our offstage lives return," said the Wabbit. "Doubtless, thou meanest to a hostelry repair for sustenance and aperitivi?" asked Lapinette. "I certainty doest," said the Wabbit. "Then let us not stand on the order of our going and proceed forthwith," said Skratch. So they all bowed low to the audience several times and exited the stage to much applause - and there were no catcalls whatsoever.

5. The Wabbit and Leonardo's Tank

[The friends have taken the Inquisitor inside Leonardo's Cat's invention] " See thou," said the Wabbit, pointing around. "This is but a simple device composed of cogs and wheels. There is no sorcery here." "Just science as hard and cold as the forged metal of these blades," said Leonardo's Cat. Lapinette looked up through the tank's lookout hatch. "But soft," she said, "what light through yonder turret breaks? It speaks and says yet nothing." "Then like the light, we will say nothing of the matter," said the Inquisitor and clapped his hands. "Inquisitor, there is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so," said the Wabbit. "Then I find that this is good," said the Inquisitor. "Yet my thoughts are whirled like a potter's wheel; I know not where I am nor what I do. Does this house move?" "In any direction," said Leonardo's Cat. "if the screws be turned." "Then let us turn them and a new direction find," said the Inquisitor. "'Tis best 'tis we who turn the screws and that our paws do hardly suffer in their turning," said the Wabbit, glancing shrewdly at the Inquisitor. The Inquisitor nodded gracefully enough - and turned to look somewhat cautiously at Leonardo's Cat. Lapinette clapped her paws in applause. "All's well that ends well," she said with a smile.

4. The Wabbit and the Inquisition

[The scene is Leonardo's Cat's house where he is displaying his tank-like military invention to his new friends. Suddenly from stage left, Robot's electronic voice booms out.] "I am the Inquisition. You will be exterminated!" "Excommunicated," hissed the Wabbit. "You will be excommunicated," said Robot, "for sorcery." "But he is no sorcerer," said the Wabbit. "He is but a friendly fool who knows not his own mind yet plays with it as a cat plays with a ball of wool." "He has built a magic house the like of which has not been seen," said Robot, "and we will have none of it." Just at that very moment, Lapinette emerged from Leonardo's Cat's tank. "Oh what a splendid place to meeteth and greeteth," said Lapinette. "I will inform my master so and he will order three score. "And who is your master, youthful page?" asked Robot. "Lodovico Sforza," said Lapinette. "The Duke of Milan," said the Wabbit. "We play skittles together then indulge in a game of primero with biscottini thereafter." "And that is what this tank is for," said Lapinette. "It's for knocking down skittles from afar." "Though this be madness yet there's method in't" said Robot but he was interrupted by a yowling from above. "O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I," meaowed Leonardo's Cat, "see how the Cat doth caper." And with that he screeched and frantically waved his paws. "What a caterwauling do you keep here?" asked Robot. "Now there's a cat that really is gone," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit & Leonardo's Flying Machine

Lapinette flung her legs akimbo and threw her hat in the air. "Wheee!" she cried as they took off from the top of a building. "Lo, we doth bestride the narrow world," yelled Leonardo's Cat. "What dost this lever?" asked the Wabbit, who was poking around. "It takes us up or down," said Leonardo's Cat. "Oh does it really?" said the Wabbit with enthusiasm and he pulled it. The plane soared high by the rooftops and soon people on the ground looked like tiny models. "What other inventions dost thou have under thy hat?" said the Wabbit. "Nothing much," said Leonardo's Cat. "Well, what?" asked the Wabbit. "A heli-chopper, a tank, a submarine, a steam powered cannon, a hydraulic pump and a thing for taking boy scouts out of horses hooves," said Leonardo's Cat. "Gadzooks!" said the Wabbit. "What do you do with them all?" "I test them," said Leonardo's Cat. "I boasteth not and make my notes in Latin so the Inquisition pays no heed." "What do people say?" said the Wabbit, as he looked down at the small figures below. "They laugh like drains," said Leonardo's cat, "which suits my purpose well." "What then is your purpose?" said the Wabbit. "To have a lot of fun," said Leonardo's Cat. The Wabbit pulled the lever one more time. "Wheeee!" cried Lapinette as the plane shot in the air.

2. The Wabbit and Leonardo's Cat

"Look!" said Lapinette. "There's Leonardo's Cat, who carries on his master's work using old notes." "What it that flying contraption?" said the Wabbit under his breath. "It is a flying bird," said Leonardo's cat, who's hearing was sharp. "I oft observed these winged demons go about the tormentation of my species and so made my own." "That they should torment you further?" asked the Wabbit. "No! So that I could pursue them farther," said the Cat. The Wabbit whispered to Lapinette. "Let's ask him if he has a larger one with levers and pulleys." "I wish you would address me here, and I will answer you directly," said Leonardo's Cat. "I have a larger version and I did labour long and hard in its creation." "No rude mechanical you, that sports an asses head!" said the Wabbit and ruffled his ruffle. Lapinette span around and slapped her thigh twice. "Let us stout men repair to your abode and make merry with your bird machine." she said. "It's not finished," said Leonardo's Cat. "We may assist you complete your arduous task," suggested the Wabbit. "Then I will lead the way," said Leonardo's Cat." "Oh, let's go paw in paw, not one before another," said Lapinette. And so they did.

1. The Wabbit: Waiting for Leonardo

[Hush! Here comes the Wabbit and he is late for Leonardo. He spies what he thinks is a comely young man and enquires of him the situation.] "Young page, passes Leonardo da Vinci this way perchance?" said the Wabbit. Lapinette waved her hat across her face and quietly murmured. "Good Sir. Leonardo oft times passed, but now more often not, since he has passed his last." The Wabbit looked at the young man and there was surely something familiar about this page. "I have some time, and I will wait," shrugged the Wabbit. "Then you may wait some time," laughed Lapinette and slapped her side. "What is time but our perception of its passing?" said the Wabbit sagely. "Time with some fool hangs heavy as an iron coat," said Lapinette, "to be worn for a lifetime's duration." "Yet time with you is fleeting," said the Wabbit who was enjoying the company of the young page. "Then lets us wait together," said Lapinette, "and note what happens." "It's as if this is a stage and we are merely players, waiting to deliver our lines," said the Wabbit. Lapinette hopped forward and doffed her cap. "But the play's the thing," she said.

The Wabbit and the Better Adventure Café

The Wabbit listened as Lapinette regaled him about what a nice café she had found. She was saying that not many people knew of it, when the Wabbit saw a waiter approaching. "Commander, how nice to see you!" said the waiter. "Oh, hello," said the Wabbit quietly. "Wabbit Special as usual?" asked the waiter. "Make it two," said the Wabbit diplomatically. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit as their aperitivi arrived and she draped herself across a chair. "I'm forced to come here from time to time," said the Wabbit apologetically. "And forced to drink carrot aperitivo from a wine glass?" said Lapinette sternly. "I fly in the face of convention," said the Wabbit. "You daredevil," laughed Lapinette. "What kind of adventure was that anyway?" she said. "Oh merely a star vehicle," said the Wabbit. "because there was little tension but lots of colour and interest." "Who was the star?" asked Lapinette coyly. "Oh you, without a doubt," said the Wabbit, who was anxious to make amends for knowing the café. "What did you put in the Skuttle's wine?" asked Lapinette. "Nitro," replied the Wabbit. "Oh, nitrous oxide," said Lapinette with a giggle. "No, it was nitroglycerin." said the Wabbit. "Crumbs!" said Lapinette and she picked up her glass and sniffed it. "Another cocktail of my own," said the Wabbit. "What's in it?" said Lapinette. "Nitro," said the Wabbit. Lapinette tasted it. "Delicious," she said.

8. The Wabbit and the duff Jukebox

The Wabbit was disgruntled. "What's this for a sort of restaurant?" he asked Lapinette. "It's what was open," said Lapinette, "but there's no-one here." "I'm not entirely surprised," said the Wabbit. For a while he hopped around looking for a waiter. "Hello hello!" he cried," but there was simply no answer. "Perhaps they've all gone for a break," said Lapinette. "Hmmph," said the Wabbit, "what's on the juke box?" Lapinette had a good long look. "Nothing you'd like," she said. "There must be something," said the Wabbit. "I don't think so!" said Lapinette sharply. "Try me," said the Wabbit. "Una Paloma Blanca?" suggested Lapinette. "Yikes!" said the Wabbit and his fur stood on end. Lapinette studied the play list again. "Vamos a la Playa perhaps?" she asked. "Baila baila ho!" groaned the Wabbit and slapped his head with a paw. "Tie me Kangaroo Down by Rolf Harris, Cha Cha Cha version," said Lapinette. "I don't think I have any C4 explosive left," said the Wabbit. "Found one!" said Lapinette. "Lets have it," said the Wabbit. "It's Charlie Drake," announced Lapinette as she dropped an emergency coin into the slot. "Oom yacka wurka. Oom yacka wurka," chanted the Wabbit and he beat his paws on the table to the music. "Lets get out of here," said Lapinette, "I know somewhere else." "I'm a big disgrace t' the Waborigine race," sang the Wabbit. "Your boomerang won't come back!" sighed Lapinette as she dragged the Wabbit away.

7. The Wabbit throws out a Line

The Wabbit fastened his rope to the castle battlements and suddenly disappeared. Lapinette looked over the edge. "Over here," shouted the Wabbit and he pulled the rope taut. "Just slide down," he called. Lapinette shook her ears. "Just slide down," she muttered. She grasped the rope firmly, swung her legs over the wall and pushed herself off. For a minute she just hung there, swinging backwards and forwards. "What are you doing?" shouted the Wabbit. "It's a great view," Lapinette called out. "This isn't the Big Wheel," shouted the Wabbit. "Here I come!" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit heard a whizzing sound and a yodelling as Lapinette zipped down the rope with enormous speed and made a perfect landing. "Where did you learn that?" said the Wabbit. "The Alps," said Lapinette. The Wabbit rubbed his fingers, which were stinging, and flicked the rope. It came tumbling down the battlements to the courtyard where the Wabbit pounced on it and coiled it up. "What did you fasten it with?" asked Lapinette. " Duck tape," said the Wabbit. Lapinette covered her eyes with her paws. "Works every time," said the Wabbit and he stuck a bit of tape to the rough castle wall. The duck tape peeled off and fell to the ground. "Nearly every time," said the Wabbit.

6. The Wabbit scales the Heights

The castle was dim in the moonless night as the Wabbit climbed to the roof. "Hard work, hard work" puffed the Wabbit as he reached the top and put his rope down. He was just thinking about a short rest when he heard a sharp whack. The Wabbit dodged as a Skuttle whizzed past his head. He peered over the roof and saw Lapinette's foot blur. With a piercing squeal, another Skuttle somersaulted to the courtyard below. "Something in the air tonight?" quipped the Wabbit and he sat back for a better view.  Lapinette jumped and quickly disposed of smaller Skuttle. "Relax your paw a bit and let it go heavy," advised the Wabbit and studied a book that he kept in his fur. Lapinette kicked one more Skuttle and pushed yet another from the roof.  "Shall I make you a salad sandwich?" asked Lapinette with sarcasm as she whirled around. "I only just had a snack," said the Wabbit in a matter-of-fact voice. "Do you need a helping paw?" "Oh, I'm quite happy," said Lapinette, "but where are the other Skuttles?" "Having a signature cocktail," replied the Wabbit. Suddenly there was a boom and the whole castle shuddered. Lapinette stamped on the last Skuttle and turned questioningly to the Wabbit. "Indigestion?" said the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit Looks On

Skratch, the Wabbit and Robot started to call out to the Skuttles and their voices echoed through the dank corridors of the castle. "We're drinking ripe red wine," shouted the Wabbit. "Barbera d'Asti 2003," yelled Skratch. "And we're eating biscuits and cheese," droned Robot electronically. "Lovely biscuits to dip in the wine," shouted the Wabbit. "The delicious and tasty red wine," sighed Skratch. Then they waited silently on the ledge above the passage. They waited for quite a while. "Do you think they heard us?" asked Skratch. "Shhh," said the Wabbit. Then suddenly and without warning, the Skuttles came tumbling round the corner of the passageway and headed in the direction of the cellar. They bounced from the walls and whirled around and sang in a low musical tone. "Red red wine, red red wine," was all the Wabbit could hear and the sound got louder and louder until the passage boomed and shook. The scampering of Skuttle feet began to drown out everything else as they kept coming and coming. More and more creatures piled down the slope to the cellar and they tripped and fell over each other until the passage was a yellow carpet of Skuttles. The Wabbit clapped his paws with glee and turned to Robot. "What was that about biscuits?" he asked. "I made that up," said Robot. The Wabbit's stomach rumbled. "Now I'm hungry," said the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit prepares a Surprise

Following Ghost Bunny's report, the Wabbit was taking no chances. Together with Skratch and Robot, and a vast amount of equipment, he crept into a secret cellar in the bowels of the strange Castle. "What wine did you get, Skratch?" asked the Wabbit. "Barbera d'Asti, of course," said Skratch. "What year?" said the Wabbit. "2003," said Skratch. "Skuttles like their wine and we'll make sure they know its a good one," said the Wabbit, "so they rush headlong into our trap!" "They just like to knock it back" said Skratch. "Let's not underestimate our enemy," said the Wabbit. "You brought enough munitions to blow up the castle," said Skratch. "Hardly," said the Wabbit." "Don't blow up the castle, Wabbit. It's only a diversion." yelled Skratch. "How thick are the walls, Robot?" asked the Wabbit. "Eight metres," said Robot. "The walls will easily withstand the blast but I cannot vouch for Skuttles." "Hah!" said the Wabbit, "while the Skuttles rush to drink the wine, we shall extract Lapinette and then ..."  "I heard that the Skuttles could survive a nuclear explosion," interrupted Skratch. "They won't survive what I put in the wine," said the Wabbit. "Wabbit, what did you put in the wine?" groaned Skratch. "A little cocktail of my own. Odourless and lethal." said the Wabbit. "What is it?" asked Skratch "It's a Born Secret," smiled the Wabbit.

3. Lovely Lapinette and the Castle

Ghost Bunny flew across the city with the Wabbits instructions in mind. She hadn't long expanded her square search pattern when she saw something interesting. "Investigating red light to my port side," she mused in a nautical terminology she had learned from the Wabbit.  Down by the river she saw a strange castle and at the top of the castle she noticed a figure aiming a red laser beam high into the sky. Ghost Bunny circled cautiously. It was definitely Lapinette, but below her there were scores of Skuttle guards drinking red wine. Ghost Bunny listened carefully to their chanting, "Red red wine, make us feel so fine, monkey pack him rizla pon de sweet dep line," they sang and wobbled unsteadily. Ghost Bunny, who had been introduced to reggae by the Wabbit, smiled craftily because she knew the Skuttles were very near to complete collapse. She soared straight down the laser beam to a waiting Lapinette. "That didn't take long," said Lapinette. "The Wabbit initiated a square search pattern,". said Ghost Bunny. "Did he talk about port and starboard?" asked Lapinette. "At length," said Ghost Bunny, Lapinette smiled. "It  worked," she said. "How shall we extract you?" asked Ghost Bunny. "I have a plan," said Lapinette," so pin back your ears and listen." Ghost Bunny listened attentively until Lapinette had finished. "I see," said Ghost Bunny, "it's all about wine and trickery."

2. The Wabbit gather his Forces

The friends gathered in a street by the market for a briefing by the Wabbit. "OK, listen up," he shouted. "What do we know about Skuttles?" "They like copious quantities of wine," said Snail. "They sing when drunk, but otherwise chatter menacingly," added Ghost Bunny. "What do you know, Wabbit?" asked Skratch. "Well," said the Wabbit. "They're unpredictable." "Not much then," said Skratch. The Wabbit rattled the gun he and Snail built in a shed. "I know Lapinette," said the Wabbit. "She will let us know where she is." "How?" said Puma. "She will leave a trail or make a sign," said the Wabbit. "Puma, prowl around and sniff out trails and signs. Skratch, hit the streets for information." "What about me?" asked Robot. "Compute all likely events and make a list." said the Wabbit. "Instantly!" said Robot. "Snail,  no-one ever sees you for some reason. So spy around," said the Wabbit. "Truly excellent," said Snail and waved his antennae. "Ghost Bunny," said the Wabbit, "Conduct an expanded square search. Downwind one mile, alter 90 degrees starboard, go one mile and repeat, adding a mile each time" "Lapinette isn't lost at sea, Commander," said Franco. "Same principle," said the Wabbit. "And what about Franco?" asked Ghost Bunny. "He will coordinate and I will co-ordinate Franco." replied the Wabbit. "So why do you need the gun?" said Skratch. "I like it," said the Wabbit.

1. The Wabbit and an Unexpected Incident

"Say it with flowers," said the Wabbit to himself as he passed the flower kiosk. He had decided that Lapinette would appreciate some seasonal blooms and he studied all the plants and flowers with interest. "I wish I knew more about botany," he murmured. The Wabbit tended to choose flowers by colours and correspondingly he had found a list which categorised plants by colour. Green presented a considerable difficulty in this regard, so had divided green into all the different shades that existed. He particularly liked Army Green and Jungle Green, but shopkeepers were nonplussed when he asked for them. So he took pity and was asking for Fern Green when he heard a chattering noise and smelled a vaguely familiar odour of wine. Then there was a clattering of boxes and a strange commotion from behind him made his head turn. Bananas were flying everywhere and to his horror he saw Lapinette being dragged into the back of a grocer's van. "Skuttles!" shouted the Wabbit. He hopped furiously towards the vehicle but it took off into the busy traffic and sped off. "I thought they only drove by night." muttered the Wabbit. But the Wabbit knew one thing. He knew that Lapinette would have a plan and wouldn't stay captured for long if she could help it. And she would expect him to know what her plan would be. So he abandoned his greenery and as he hopped across the market place to gather support, he tried desperately to think like Lapinette. "My brain hurts," thought the Wabbit.

The Wabbit's after Adventure Dinner

The Wabbit and Lapinette met at La Rivetta, Lapinette's most favouritist restaurant in all of Fregene. The Wabbit insisted on sitting next to the fire to warm his fur and he was eager to discuss their most recent adventure. "What kind of adventure was that?" said Lapinette with a smile and then she waited. The Wabbit leaned back on his chair and adopted a nonchalant air. "It was a kind of surreal road movie," he said, "which was all about the vehicle." "Too right," said Fuoristrada from outside the window. "You didn't leave much of that balloon," said Lapinette. "He needed a waaahmbulance!" laughed the Wabbit and he made a siren sound. They both laughed and laughed. "What do think they say about me in their Village?" said the Wabbit. "They probably call you "That Wabbit"," said Lapinette. "Oh really?" mused the Wabbit, "how so?" "Well, that's what they call you at the Department," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "I'm pleased to be acknowledged," he said, "I expect Fuoristrada's fuel was a legitimate expense." "Do you have all the receipts?" said Lapinette. "Yes indeed," said the Wabbit, "even for the carrot aperitivo." "The Department won't reimburse aperitivi," said Lapinette, "or things you already keep in your fur." "What about the explosive?" asked the Wabbit. "I suggest you don't mention it," said Lapinette, "did you really need all that C4?" "You can never have enough C4," said the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit is not a Number

Whoever was controlling the balloons seemed to realise what the Wabbit had in store. The balloons retreated and the Wabbit drove furiously along the beach in hot persuit. With a pawful of C4 he bounded from Fuoristrada and pitched the first canister with a deadly curveball grip. The first balloon couldn't avoid the swerve and the Wabbit pressed the detonator. There was a sudden bang and a flash that spiralled upwards and outwards in a widening red cloud. "Take that for your trouble!" shouted the Wabbit as he followed with a second canister. The balloon began to deflate and emitting a low groan it fell slowly towards the beach. The second balloon hung back, but the Wabbit could hear a booming sound as if it came from a loudspeaker inside. "You are only a number, Commander Wabbit, and your number is up," said  a disembodied voice with plummy vowels. "I have no number," replied the Wabbit," "I am the Number 2," said the pompous voice. "Then you're playing second fiddle to a burst bubble," laughed the Wabbit. "You will regret that action!" said the voice. "He reached for the sky and it blew up in his face," said the Wabbit. "You will be shaped to fit," said the voice. "I take whatever shape I wish," said the Wabbit. He turned his back on the balloon and hopped away - and as he did he threw the last canister over his shoulder. "Be seeing you!" murmured the Wabbit as he pressed the detonator.

6. The Wabbit and the Electronic Detonator

The balloons chased the Wabbit all the way to Fregene and Lapinette chased the balloons. Fuoristrada scooted easily along the beach until he reached a nature reserve and the Wabbit loped across to a vantage point by a low water inlet. He hopped ostentatiously to attract the balloons and set up his grenades. He could see Lapinette hovering near the balloons, keeping them at bay, and he worked feverishly to complete his task.  "Do you think it'll work?" he asked Fuoristrada, "I don't know these creatures as well as you." "These Rovers come from the sea," said Fuoristrada. "Perhaps they are jellyfish?" conjectured the Wabbit. "Whatever they are," said Fuoristrada, "they are said to be controlled by sinister forces from a secret Italian base somewhere in Wales, called the Village." "That's hard to believe," said the Wabbit. "I kid you not," said Fuoristrada. "Get ready, here they come," said the Wabbit urgently. "These detonate in mid air. We'll blow them all the way back to their Village." The radio crackled. "Are you ready, Four Wheeler?" said Lapinette. "Ready when you are, Astronaut," said the Wabbit. He watched Lapinette's heli-chopper bank and climb then disappear in the direction of Fiumicino Airport. Then the Wabbit tossed the first grenade high in the air and casually fished out an electronic detonator which he kept in his fur ...

5. the Wabbit makes a Call

Refuelled and ready, Fuoristrada and the Wabbit headed across the Piazza della Rovere, over the bridge and down the side of the Tiber with the two balloons in pursuit. "Oh Sacred Stream who's waters roll. Immortal through the classic page," intoned Fuoristrada. "Less poetry more speed," hissed the Wabbit and he pushed the throttle hard to the floor. "I can hear a strange engine," said Fuoristrada. "An Agusta Bell heli-chopper!" yelled the Wabbit. He slammed on the brakes and lifted the ancient radio as Fuoristrada slithered to a halt. "Breaker, breaker. We've got Double Bubbles!" shouted the Wabbit. The radio crackled. "No-one says breaker any more, Four Wheeler," sighed Lapinette. "Oh how dreary," said the Wabbit, "have you any suggestions, Astronaut?" "Turn back and head for Fregene," said Lapinette, "and do put the hammer down. The bubbles will have me for a bumper sticker." "Out!" said the Wabbit and he slammed his foot to the floor.  "Ouch," said Fuoristrada as he catapulted towards the next bridge. "Where the binky is Fregene?" asked the Wabbit. "The seaside," said Fuoristrada. "I forgot my bucket and shovel," said the Wabbit. "We have a shovel," said Fuoristrada. "And a bucket?" asked the Wabbit. "Of course," said Fuoristrada. "Have you anything more we need for the beach?" said the Wabbit as he swerved into the oncoming traffic on the Umberto I bridge. "C4 grenades," said  Fuoristrada.

4. The Wabbit gives the Orders

The Wabbit and Fuoristrada raced round the Gianicolo Hill and down towards to San Pietro Station with the balloons bouncing behind them at an ever increasing rate. Nothing seemed to stop them. They bounced over anything in their path and as they bounced they howled and droned. Occasionally without warning they span round and round, setting up a gale that tore at trees and rattled windows. But the Wabbit had gained some ground and Fuoristrada bumped down the steps of an underpass, then emerged at the other side and tore through an underground car park. "Double back!" shouted the Wabbit and he rummaged for something in the back of the vehicle. Fuoristrada darted down Via del Crocifisso and into Piazzale Gregorio VII. Suddenly they were staring at the balloons coming towards them down the stairs of the station and the Wabbit jumped out with the gun he had made in the shed at the back of the Department. "Stand and deliver!" he yelled at the balloons and he fired at the roof and plaster scattered all around them. The balloons shuddered to a halt and even though they had no eyes, they seemed to look at each other with horror. "Fuoristrada!" said the Wabbit authoritatively, "I'll have a carrot aperitivo spritz." How would you like it?" asked Fuoristrada. "Gently stirred," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Chase

Fuoristrada raced through the park with the balloon in hot pursuit. "More incoming at 2 o'clock," shouted the Wabbit and he gunned the throttle. "There's can't be more than one!" said  Fuoristrada, "I don't believe it!"  "What happened to the sharp twigs?" yelled the Wabbit. "Park keepers," moaned Fuoristrada, "they've been sweeping." The Wabbit wrenched the steering wheel and muttered "Jobsworths" through gritted teeth. "Head for Gianicolo Hill," shouted the Wabbit and I'll call this in." "Is that wise?" asked Fuoristrada. "Bite the bullet, we're going through the city and we'll lose them," said the Wabbit and he looked out the window and swerved right. "Mo' te gonfio!" he shouted at the nearest balloon as he passed. The balloon bounced high in the air but it fell back a little. "They didn't like that," shouted the Wabbit. There was an awful moaning sound and the balloon span round and round. "Do it again," suggested Fuoristrada. The Wabbit looked out again and yelled "Toglietevi dai coglioni!" "That's very rude!" said Fuoristrada" There was a howl of protest from the other balloon and it whirled like a top. "I can get ruder" said the Wabbit. "Non mi rompete le palle!" he shouted. The two balloons bounced together and shot high in the air screaming with anger. "That's done it"" said Fuoristrada.

2. The Wabbit and the Roving Balloon

The Wabbit had taken Fuoristrada out for a spin and was cruising down the Via Piccolomini, when he felt something close behind him. "Road hog!" muttered the Wabbit as he put his foot down. "That looks like Rover," said the Fuoristrada, "I'm off." "That's not a Rover," said the Wabbit as Fuoristrada swerved round a corner. "They're boxy and appeal to those of mature years." "You don't watch enough old television," said Fuoristrada and he picked up speed. "It's after us!" A giant white balloon swam into view in the Wabbit's mirror and he heard it make a muffled roaring sound as it got closer and closer. "Perhaps someone's making a film!" shouted the Wabbit as they lurched into the Via Leone XIII. "Perhaps someone's trying to kill us," said Fuoristrada. They dodged between a lorry, two coaches and a refreshment kiosk before careering into the Via Aurelia Antica on two wheels. "We'll lose him in the Villa Pamphilj Park," said Fuoristrada and he shot across the road, through a small gate and into the trees. But the white balloon was still hot on their heels. "Got any ideas?" yelled the Wabbit with chattering teeth. "I'm looking for a path with sharp twigs," said Fuoristrada.

1, The Wabbit receives an Emolument

The Wabbit received an urgent message to proceed to the Department of Wabbit Affairs with haste, where he would find something to his advantage. So he hopped there very quickly wondering what this could be. As he rounded the corner, he could hardly believe his eyes when he spotted another Fuoristrada and it had a cover! "Oh I do like the Fiat Campagnola but surely it can't be for me," thought the Wabbit. He looked under the red bow and a note assured him that the Campagnola was for his exclusive use in recognition of his service over the past year. Under the note was another note and that one said he had to buy his own gasoline and pay for his own servicing - but he would receive an allowance for distance travelled on departmental business. Under that note was yet another note and this one said, in no uncertain terms, that if he damaged the vehicle in any way he would have to make recompense, unless damage occurred in a high speed pursuit in the service of Wabbit Affairs. Even then it would have to be authenticated by a high ranking member of the Department. The Wabbit was beginning to feel a great weight on his shoulders when he noticed who had signed the order and he read out loud. "Signed for the Department of Wabbit Affairs, Marchesa L. Lapinette." The Wabbit gave a whoop of glee and jumped up and down on the fender, shouting "Serviceable, serviceable!" But then he looked all around suspiciously. "I'm sure I heard a voice," he thought. "That's a new paint job," said the Fuoristrada.

The Wabbits in the City

The early evening sun painted the buildings golden and the Wabbits went out on the roof. "We usually sing on the roof," said the Wabbit. "Well what's the song this time?" asked Lapinette, "it's your turn to choose." The Wabbit thought and thought. "I don't know any more rooftop songs," he said finally, "but I do know one with a rooftop in it." Lapinette hopped up and down. "Take it away, Wabbit" she cried. The Wabbit turned to Lapinette and started to croon. "Cool town, evening in the city. I'm dressed so fine and looking so pretty!" "You are, your are," sighed Lapinette. "Cool cat lookin' for a kitty, Gonna look in every corner of the city!" sang the Wabbit, "till I'm wheezing like a bus stop!" Lapinette laughed and laughed as the Wabbit pretended to puff and pant. "Running up the stairs gonna meet ya on the roof top," rhymed the Wabbit. "You did you did!" yelled Lapinette. "Despite the heat it will be alright, and babe, don't you know it's a pity," crooned the Wabbit. "What's the pity?" chanted Lapinette. "That the days can't be like the night, in the summer in the city, in the summer in the city," sang the Wabbit. "Oh Wabbit, it's such a pity it’s not the summer," said Lapinette. "We're still hot," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit & the Saints Adventure Caffe

The Wabbit waited as his friends assembled at the table because he was going to make a short speech. "Don't go on and on," whispered Lapinette. "Who me?" said the Wabbit and he cleared his throat. "I was just going to thank everyone for their support." "Where are the others?" asked Skratch. "Collecting the food ordered from my electronic menu," said Robot. "Well, I'm making a preliminary toast, while we wait," said Skratch. "Do proceed," said the Wabbit and he lifted a glass. "To Saint Barbara," said Skratch. The Wabbit looked questioningly. "The Patron Saint of explosions," said Cardinal Lapin. "Oooooh," said the Wabbit. "And the Italian navy," added Skratch. "Then that's the perfect Saint for me," said the Wabbit. "It should be St Denis," said Lapinette. "Why he?" asked the Wabbit. "Patron Saint of headaches," laughed Lapinette. "Saint Elizabeth of Hungary is for Lapinette," said Skratch, "since she is so very lovely." "I really can't help it," said Lapinette. "Is there a Patron Saint for me?" asked Snail. "St Anthony is the Saint who deals with hunger," said Lapinette with a grin. "Surely there must be one for me too?" asked Skratch. "St Dismas," said Cardinal Lapin, "he's the Saint of reformed thieves." The Wabbit was beginning to hum a tune. "How I want be in that number," he murmured. Everyone turned to stare. "When the Saints go marching in!" sang the Wabbit. 

13. The Wabbit and Osteria dei Pontefici

"Bless you my children, what's for dinner?" said Cardinal Lapin. "Anything on the menu, courtesy of the Department of Wabbit Affairs," said Lapinette. "Then I'll have consommé to start with," said the Cardinal, "and a bottle of the finest Prosecco." "Cardboard carpaccio," said Snail. "Make mine fish," said Skratch. "Scarrots!" yelled Ghost Bunny." Bruschetta," said Robot. "I'm partial to thistles," said Franco.  "They're setting our table now," said the Wabbit, "and there are Christmas Crackers still, with small useless objects inside." "And bad jokes," said Snail. "I refuse to wear the paper hat," said Puma, "they're too tight and make my head hot." Lapinette looked round at everyone. "Has anyone else got any complaints about the crackers?" she said with a tone of exasperation in her voice. "Yes," said Skratch, "they often fail to crack and cause disappointment." "Well we've had quite enough explosions for one day," said Lapinette. "I hear the plan went well," said Cardinal Lapin. "The Wabbit varied your plan," said Lapinette, "and he nearly exploded half of Rome." "I call it added value," smiled the Wabbit. "Are the wicked Agents of Rabit extinguished, Wabbit?" asked Cardinal Lapin. "Heads rolled," said the Wabbit. "The Lord moves in mysterious ways, my son," said Cardinal Lapin, "his head rolling to perform."

12. The Wabbit and the Extra Ingredient

Just as the two hopped stealthily away, there was a multicoloured flash of light and the Wabbit made Lapinette duck as an incredible blast sent the Agents of Rabit spiralling high above the building. "There's something in the air," sang the Wabbit tunefully and he smiled and dusted his paws. Lapinette stared at the Wabbit. "That wasn't in Cardinal Lapin's plan," she gasped. "A little extra ingredient of my own, just to make sure," said the Wabbit. "Good grief Wabbit, you nearly took out the whole block," said Lapinette. "Skratch got me a small something from the Navy Surplus store," said the Wabbit. "Go on, tell me," sighed Lapinette. "A quantity of M789 Dual Purpose Incendiary," said the Wabbit, "why do you think we needed the battery?" "You could have told me," said Lapinette. "It wouldn't have been a surprise," said the Wabbit. Lapinette groaned. "How can you keep a detonator in your fur?" she asked. "I don't routinely go to the furdresser," said the Wabbit. "You're spooky," said Lapinette. "I'm a secret agent," said the Wabbit. Lapinette couldn't help laughing. "The Agents of Rabit won't be giggling now," she murmured. "Well, I don't know about that," grinned the Wabbit, "because now they're in bits."