Monday, July 02, 2012
1. Wabsworth, the Wabbit's Double
Wabsworth, the Wabbit's double, hopped purposefully around Piazza Carlo Felice in the hope of being obtrusive - yet not obtrusive enough to arouse suspicion. He felt he was succeeding because some people smiled, some grimaced and some looked straight through him as if he didn't exist. "It must be my super glasses," he thought. Even though Wabsworth was an android, he had particular likes and he was especially fond of his pair of blue glasses. He wondered where the Wabbit had found them. "He came across them in some specialist shop in a far-off land," he murmured as he hopped forth at an ambling pace. He was just allowing himself an android smile when he suddenly felt his fur prickle as he sensed an unwelcome presence. Wabsworth wondered whether the Hit Rabit had taken the bait, so avoiding glancing back, he quickened his pace and headed towards the railway station and the Via Nizza. He had been instructed to lead the Hit Rabit a merry dance, so he zig-zagged in and out of the porticos and pretended to look in the many interesting display cabinets in the arches. "I'll have another look at a future date when things aren't so pressing," he decided and he sped onwards at a fair hop. On his way, Wabsworth wondered many things and he wondered if he wondered too much for an android. He wondered if the Hit Rabit wasn't from out of town. He wondered if maybe he'd been double booked. "I wonder if he needs glasses," wondered Wabsworth.
Friday, June 29, 2012
The Wabbit & the mid-adventure Café
Thursday, June 28, 2012
8. The Wabbit and the Four Protocols
The Wabbit and his android double met briefly in a repertory
cinema where the Wabbit sometimes hid out. "I can’t keep calling you
Android," said the Wabbit. "Robot calls me Wabsworth," said
android Wabbit. "OK. Wabsworth it is," stated the Wabbit. "Now
what are our protocols?" "Well the first is that obviously we
musn’t go round together," said Wabsworth. "Oh drat!" said the
Wabbit who had been looking forward to a good conversation with
himself. "And the second protocol is that we musn’t exchange
coats," said Wabsworth. "Do you know, I never thought of
that," said the Wabbit with a malicious glint in his eye. "You
Commander, should conform to the third protocol which is to avoid attracting
attention." The Wabbit hadn’t a clue how he would manage that one.
"Noted!" he said quietly. "Conversely, I will do my best to be
seen around and about," muttered Wabsworth. "Are you sure we can’t
exchange coats?" asked the Wabbit. "That would defeat the
object," replied Wabsworth. "Which is?" said the Wabbit.
"To lure the Agent's hit Rabit into making an error and then to
eliminate him." "You might get hurt," said the Wabbit. "I’m
an android," said Wabsworth, "and can only be
damaged." "All the same," said the Wabbit, "you’re a
valuable asset." "Oh do you think so?" said Wabsworth with glee.
"Yes of course," said the Wabbit. "You’re a credit to the
Service and also you have my coat." "Perhaps we could have an
aperitivo together after it’s all over," laughed Wabsworth. "That’s
the Fourth Protocol," grinned the Wabbit.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
7. The Wabbit meets his Double
Ghost Bunny released the Wabbit and took him to an
abandoned café in a little known location south of Turin. "Don’t
worry Wabbit. All will be explained." she whispered. "I certainly
hope so," said the Wabbit, who was secretly enjoying posing as his long
lost cousin. "Ah there you are Wabbit," said Skratch the Cat.
"I expect you’re wondering what this is all about." "I’m just a
cousin and don’t know much," said the Wabbit with a shrug. “We had to
bring you back from Rome without alerting the wicked Agents of Rabit," said
Skratch. "The Agents have placed a price upon your head and hired an out-of-town hit
Rabit to despatch you without further ado." "Well," said the
Wabbit. "I hope the price was right." "A King’s ransom,"
said Skratch, "and thats why we arranged this double to throw them
off the scent." The Wabbit looked at his double. "Nice coat,"
said the Wabbit. "I’m afraid we had to give him your spare
one," said Skratch. "And we programmed him to be just like
you," said Robot with a smile. "Programmed?" shouted the Wabbit.
"You mean this Wabbit double is an android!" "I’m the Wabbit’s
double," announced the android Wabbit. "Be quiet you!" said the
Wabbit. "Quiet is, as quiet does," said the android Wabbit annoyingly.
"Are you sure about his circuitry?" sighed the Wabbit, hopping up and
down. "He's got a state-of-the-art positronic memory." said Robot. "Oh
really," said the Wabbit with exasperation and he addressed the android
Wabbit sternly. "OK, Mr Bunny. Do you have a plan?" "I’m the Wabbit’s stubble," replied the android Wabbit. "He’ll
do!" said the Wabbit.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
6. The Wabbit sings in his Cell
Locked in the Old Abandoned Garage, the Wabbit hopped around to see what he could see. But the Wabbit had an acute sense of paranoia which sometimes gave him an edge. And the more the
Wabbit hopped, the more paranoid he became. "I'm having an Extreme Vacation," he thought, "and that’s very fishy indeed." He started to reckon the
odds and the odds looked wild. This brought the Wabbit a sense of calm. "It's all a set-up," mused the Wabbit with a smile and he picked up a guitar
that had been left in a corner. "They showed me the instruments so I’d better
play," he decided. The Wabbit strummed, picked out a few notes and
began to sing the blues. "I took me a mystery tour, it was the road
to hell. Took me a mystery tour, it was the road to hell." The Wabbit stopped,
thought for a moment, then continued. "Now I’m a sad and lonely
Wabbit," he sang, "stuck in an old prison cell." The Wabbit strummed and tried to figure things out. He wondered if anyone was
listening, but he’d played for sympathy and nothing had happened. So
he shuffled up the rhythm and ground out something heavier. "Wabbit please
don’t go! Oh Wabbit please don’t go!" he yelled. "Down to Torino. Oh Wabbit
please don’t go!" His voice echoed in the empty garage and melted into a silence that seemed to last forever. Then the Wabbit heard whispering. "Pssst. Pssst Wabbit!" He looked round and spotted Ghost
Bunny hiding behind a pile of old discs. “Eek, a ghost!” shouted the
Wabbit. “Oh stop it Wabbit, I’ve come to get you out of here," breathed Ghost Bunny.
Monday, June 25, 2012
5. The Wabbit is Captured
The Wabbit made for the river as planned, then slipped into
a place he knew at the rear of the Old Abandoned Hospital. But he wasn't quick
enough or wily enough because no sooner had he arrived than he found
himself surrounded by Snail, Franco and Skratch the Cat Burglar.
"You thought you'd trick us?" said Skratch. "You can't
outwit the Three Amigos," said Snail. "He looks just like the Wabbit.
It's uncanny," said Franco. "That's because I am the Wabbit, Franco,"
shouted the Wabbit. "No," said Franco. "You're just a silly old
pretend Wabbit." "Franco!" gasped the Wabbit. "You're on a
charge!" "He's too formal for the Wabbit," said Franco.
"It's definitely not him." "We'll interrogate him," said
Snail. "Find out what he's up to." "I'm not up to anything!"
yelled the Wabbit. "The names of all your contacts," said Snail,
"and be quick about it because we haven't got all day." "Now
look," said the Wabbit, "I can prove who I am." "Go
ahead," said Skratch. "It was me who had you locked up
several times," said the Wabbit. "Everyone knows that,"
said Skratch. "Snail, I took you round the city showing you my
haunts," said the Wabbit. "Common knowledge," said
Snail." "Franco, what about the old base of the Free Wabbits of
Turin?" "It's in all the guide books," said Franco. The Wabbit
looked around his three friends, sniffed and twitched his nose several times as
if he was smelling a rat. Then the Wabbit had an idea. "OK, I'm not the
Wabbit," he said. "Who are you?" asked Skratch. sternly. "I'm
the long lost cousin of the Wabbit," grinned the Wabbit. "Take him away
and show him the instruments," said Skratch.
Friday, June 22, 2012
4. The Wabbit gets Rumbled
The Wabbit didn’t know what to do about being home when he ought to be on vacation. He supposed that he would creep
around until the bus went back to Rome and no-one would be any the wiser. But
his worst fears were realised when he heard a familiar voice behind him.
"Hey you!" It was the voice of Skratch the Cat Burglar. "Stop! We
want a word with you!" he yelled. The Wabbit cringed mightily
and paused to think about all the explaining he would have to do and
how embarrassing it was going to be. And then he did the first thing that came
in to his head. He gave a weak smile and a little wave and started to hop
quickly away. The Wabbit also knew it wasn’t going to end there because, as he
hopped faster, Skratch started to chase him. "Imposter! Stop
imposter!" cried Skatch. The Wabbit thought if he could make it to the
river, he could hide until the crisis was over. Then he would double back round
the block, rejoin the bus and return to Rome. But Skratch was relentless and he
continued to shout. "Interloper! Fiend! You can’t go around pretending to
be the Wabbit!" "I am the Wabbit," shouted the Wabbit feebly, but
Skratch ignored him. "We’ll make you spill the beans, you fraud. You may as well give
up! Surrender now and take your just deserts." As the Wabbit
started to lope, he knew he should really stop and explain. But something
inside wouldn’t let him. It was the same something inside that wondered whether
he enjoyed getting into these scrapes. "I’ll never go on a Mystery Tour
again," thought the Wabbit.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
3. The Wabbit on the Mystery Bus
The Wabbit had only just settled back and started his puzzle
magazine, when the coach took off at breakneck speed. Soon it was hurtling
along the motorway, past cars and lorries and other coaches. It was so quick
that the coach shook from side to side and the Wabbit found it hard to grip the carrot aperitivo that had mysteriously appeared on a small table
beside him. Faster and faster went the coach. Trees and bridges and pylons and telegraph
poles flashed past the window as it sped through tiny hamlets, then villages,
then towns and finally the outskirts of several big cities. "Phew,"
thought the Wabbit. "This is more than I bargained for." The
Wabbit soothed his neves by insisting to himself that this was indeed a mystery
tour and mystery was the whole point. But he had an uncanny feeling that he
wasn’t going anywhere scenic. Then the coach zoomed through industrial areas
full of factories and depots and the Wabbit looked with interest at some areas
of urban dereliction. "Mmm," said the Wabbit, "perhaps we're on
an archaeological excursion," and he felt in his fur for his
archaeological tool kit, which contained small instruments and brushes. But the
Wabbit had left it in his other coat and he had to be content with a crack
hammer and chisel which somehow had fallen out the tool roll. But the coach
rolled on and on and it didn’t stop until it reached the centre of the
city. The Wabbit looked out with horror. "Oh no, I’m home in Turin!” he
groaned.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
2. The Wabbit boards the Mystery Tour
The Wabbit dragged his case across the coach park, muttering
as he went. He had gone to Rome for his vacation but he thought it would be
nice to see somewhere else. So he was duly cheered when he noticed a large
touring bus looking for business. "Mystery Tour!" he said with
delight. "and no chance of mishaps on anything so old-fashioned." The
Wabbit looked all around and there didn't seem to be anyone else about. The coach
park was deserted and devoid of any passengers whatsoever. "Tuesday is a
quiet day," he thought. "The bus won’t be overbooked. Perhaps it
will take me to the seaside or to a nice wood with a babbling brook." The
Wabbit was calm for a moment as he thought a little longer and his head whirled
with ideas about where the mystery bus would take him. "Maybe it will head
for a fairy-tale castle or a grotto or caves in the mountains or a spa with
bubbling healthy waters," he mused. The Wabbit was running out of
ideas for his destination but he thought it would spoil the fun if he asked. So
he scanned the bus again. It really was so very quiet that he found it puzzling, but the Wabbit decided to be positive. "I’ll
have plenty of room to stretch my paws," he said to himself. “I’ll do some
puzzles in La Settimana Enigmistica magazine and relax completely." The
Wabbit hopped over to the newsagent and hopped back quickly but there was no need to
rush because the bus was still quiet. So he hopped on board, paid for his
ticket and settled back to enjoy his trip ...
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
1. The Wabbit thinks about a Vacation
"What shall we do now?" asked the
Wabbit. "Whatever you want, it’s your vacation," said Lapinette.
"I don’t like vacations," grumbled the Wabbit. "It’s not
true, you love vacations," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit stamped his
rear leg for a while and ground his teeth. "Well, every time I go on
a vacation, something happens and it turns into an adventure," he
said. "That doesn’t sound too awful," said Lapinette smiling.
"Then there's the packing," said the Wabbit, "and I
always forget something really important." "Like what?"
asked Lapinette. "Like my miniature set of hex socket
keys," said the Wabbit. "Why would you need them on vacation?"
asked Lapinette. "On a previous holiday," murmured the Wabbit,
"I was locked in a filing cabinet. If I hadn’t forgotten my keys I would
have got out more quickly." Lapinette knew better than to ask how the
Wabbit had become locked in a filing cabinet. "I suppose that was an
adventure!" she said. "It was rather a good one in the end,"
said the Wabbit feeling quite cheered. "There was lots to read and I found
out some interesting stuff." Lapinette inclined her head enquiringly.
"Like an old manual about things you can build in a shed," said the
Wabbit. Lapinette sighed with relief. "So can we go to the gallery
now?" she asked. "I’ve quite forgotten what’s on," smiled
the Wabbit. "but the building is much more interesting than anything in
it." "Do you remember you hopped into an exhibit in the Modern Art
Museum and smashed it," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned.
"No-one knew the difference anyway," he chortled.
Monday, June 18, 2012
The Wabbit and the Quiet Birthday
It was the Wabbit’s birthday and he crept out early for some
peace and quiet. To fool everyone, he took Franco’s jeep instead of his own and
he was merrily bowling along singing a favourite song, when his radio crackled.
"Sweet Wabbit, Happy Birthday! Where are
you?" said Lapinette. "Bowling merrily along," said
the Wabbit. "Lovely," said Lapinette, "do have fun. Don’t
forget your official function and to pick up your cloak from the laundry."
The Wabbit’s ears stood on end and he felt in his fur for the ticket. For a
moment all was quiet and the Wabbit sniffed the sea breeze. Suddenly another
voice broke in. "Commander, someone’s stolen my jeep," said Franco.
"I have it Franco," said the Wabbit. "That’s a relief on your
birthday Sir," said Franco and he signed off. The Wabbit was just about to
turn on his FM radio when the handset crackled again. "Wabbit, happy
birthday," said Puma. "It’s about my adventures, I need to play a
bigger role," "Later Puma," said the Wabbit and turned up the
dial to hear Fabio Treves on Wablantis Radio. But the music
stopped and another voice cut in. "Happy birthday," said Snail. “I
was wondering whether you have my screwdriver kit." "In the
shed," said the Wabbit and he turned Wablantis up higher. But
his handset crackled yet again. "Woooooh!" said a ghostly voice.
"Oh hello Ghost Bunny. What can I do for you?" "Enjoying your
birthday?" asked Ghost Bunny. "Yes, I’m out for a quiet
drive," said the Wabbit. "I made a radio request for you," said
Ghost Bunny, "and they’re playing it now." The Wabbit turned the
radio up full blast. It was BB King singing Happy
Birthday Blues and the Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth and
sang along.
Friday, June 15, 2012
The Wabbit's after-adventure Discussion
The gang gathered at the Railway Arch Café and Snail was, as usual, the last to arrive. The Wabbit knew this had nothing to do with
being slow. It was all about making an entrance. "How’s your belly off for slime?" he said to
Snail, just to bring him down to earth. "Excellent," said Snail. "I see you’re whatever
size is normal for you today." So the Wabbit gave up trying to get the better
of Snail and asked everyone what sort of adventure they thought they'd had. "It
was rather Low Budget," said Lapinette with a smile, because she thought that might
annoy the Wabbit - and then she dug him in the ribs so that he knew to be annoyed. "That’s not of itself a genre," said the Wabbit. "It's more of an approach." Robot chimed in with an electronic yet
resonant voice. "It was a low budget, science
fiction remake with contemporary references," he said. "Oh all that football stuff," said Snail. "That football stuff as you call it, was perfect," said Robot. "And it was a reminder of the days when football was more
than over-strategised set pieces executed by automatons." There was a long silence
because everyone knew Robot was right. Lapinette
changed the subject. "Wabbit you didn’t fulfil your part of the deal with the
Swarm," she said. "Oh but I did," said the Wabbit. "The Swarm now has all the football data from 1871." "Just statistics?" asked Lapinette. "And damned lies," quoted the Wabbit gleefully.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
6. The Wabbit and the Holodeck Suite
The Wabbit's hour of shrunkennness was up. Suddenly he found himself normalised but in a most unfamiliar location and looking directly at Robot. The Wabbit could say just one word. "Where?" he uttered in a voice that began as a squeak and ended as a roar. "Don't worry Wabbit. Have you got the data?" said Robot. "I certainly have and you've no idea what a pesky task it was," grumbled the Wabbit. Robot took the ceramic memory stack and inserted it into a port in his front. "So where is this?" said the Wabbit again in a more affable tone. "This is the Holodeck suite," replied Robot as if there had always been one. "How did it get here," asked the Wabbit. "I requisitioned it," said Robot. The Wabbit slapped a paw to his forehead. "Who signed?" he said simply. "Lapinette, Commander," "Oh good," said the Wabbit and he smiled and clapped his paws. "At least it wasn't me." Robot remained silent as he wrote data to his memory and then he nodded sagely. "Excellent data. Now I can begin work on the problem in hand." The Wabbit did not care to admit that he neither knew what the data was nor was he sure of the exact nature of the problem in hand. "Yes," he said, "that will sort the matter out entirely." "The Agents of Rabit will rue the day that I asked for this data," said Robot. "Of course," said the Wabbit and he looked all around. "Who's that woman?" he asked finally. "I really don't know," said Robot, "she came with the Holodeck." "Well, where did you get the Holodeck?" murmured the Wabbit." "e-Bay," said Robot.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
5. The Wabbit and the Soccer Ball Virus
The Wabbit’s paw touched the Wabitron drive and made up a circuit
with his ceramic stack memory card. He suddenly glowed bright green and
electronic spheres flew hither and thither. The Wabbit called these spheres Score Kalm and
they were a computer virus he had developed in his shed especially to fight the Agents
of Rabit. But the spheres captivated the Swarm and it became quiet. So the Wabbit began a rhythmic chant, consisting entirely of football scores that the Swarm found soothing. "Accrington Stanley, one," he crooned and stopped for a while. The Swarm
waited expectantly. "Hamilton Academicals, one," said the Wabbit calmly. The Swarm
started to settle and as they did, the Wabbit's lost data began to write to his ceramic disk and he grinned. "Hertha Berlin, three," said the Wabbit
in an ascending voice, then paused for a lengthy period. A small sigh rose from the Swarm. "Moscow Dynamo,
two," he said gravely. More of the Swarm settled and their chips yielded an increasing amount of data to the Wabbit's memory card. "Red Star Belgrade, nil" announced the Wabbit and waited. The Swarm sank lower and all the
creatures looked up. As the Swarm fluttered to the bottom of the
computer, the Wabbit could see that he had nearly all the data he needed. "San
Jose Earthquakes, nil," said the Wabbit sternly. The Swarm was completely inert. "And that was the end of World Football," announced the Wabbit.
Tucking his ceramic memory card in his fur, he made for a nearby ventilation grille in the back of the
computer and hopped quickly away.
Monday, June 11, 2012
4. The Wabbit and the Wabitron Drive
The Wabbit backed away as the Swarm advanced. But from the corner of his eye he saw something appear at the back of the old
computer. He knew the Swarm of chip creatures hadn’t noticed, because it was much to intent on
menacing the Wabbit. So he waved a paw and spoke loudly. “Perhaps we can do a
deal for the data?" he said. "The Swarm does no deals," said the largest of the Chip Creatures.
“Everyone does deals," said the Wabbit. "It's really quite the thing." “State your case then," said the creature. "Behind me," said the Wabbit waving his paw, "is the Wabitron 3000 vortex hyper drive,
which you may access in exchange for giving me our lost data." "What’s in it for
us?" asked several members of the Swarm. "All soccer data from 1871," lied the Wabbit, because he was making it up as he went along. "And there's all you could possibly require," he added. "Goals for and against, corners, direct and indirect free kicks, fouls and penalties." There was a murmuring of interest
from the Swarm. "Why don’t we just take it and assimilate you anyway?" said the leader of the Swarm. "Because the
Wabitron Drive isn’t backwards compatible," said the Wabbit thinking quickly. "So?" said the leader. "You chips will fry," said the Wabbit flippantly. “Exactly what data
is it you want from us?" asked the leader. "That," said the Wabbit," is for you to
know and me to find out." The Swarm gathered for a confused discussion and the Wabbit knew
he had bought some time. So he fished
inside his fur for a ceramic chip stack SD card from one of his experiments ...
Friday, June 08, 2012
3. The Wabbit and the Data Swarm
The Wabbit hopped inside the old computer and hadn't been there for more than a minute when he heard a sound that was midway between a droning and a humming. Without warning, yellow winged creatures poured like bats from a hidden corner and then flapped around. The Wabbit's well-known antipathy for winged things surfaced immediately and he hopped from one foot to another. "Oh why did it have to be winged things? Why not snakes for instance?" he appealed to no-one in particular. But the swarm was heading directly for the Wabbit with little respect for his sensibilities. "Produce your data now!" cried the lead creature. "I come in peace," said the Wabbit, quietly feeling under his fur for his automatic. "We are the Data Swarm, we need data," said the lead creature. "I seem to have left all my data in my other coat," said the Wabbit, patting his fur. "Give us data!" they cried and they hummed and droned loudly. The Wabbit spoke the first thing that came into his head. "Torino Football Club was promoted to Serie A after a 3 year absence," he said with a smile. "That's good data," said a creature at the rear and the winged ones droned for a while as they assimilated the new information. "I'm looking for lost data," ventured the Wabbit. "We take data, we don't give it away," snarled the chief creature. "Give me back my data!" yelled the Wabbit suddenly. "You will be assimilated along with all your soccer knowledge," threatened the creature. "You'll be rather disappointed" said the Wabbit.
Thursday, June 07, 2012
2. The Wabbit's quest for the Lost Data
The Wabbit got smaller and smaller and found himself in a strange
place which appeared to be under the floor. "It's grubby down here," grumbled the
Wabbit. The Wabbit grumbled if he didn’t understand things and he was apt to complain
bitterly and at length to himself – because usually there was no one else nearby to listen to
his complaints. He looked all around anyway and he couldn't help but notice a large box which, on inspection, was fairly recognisable. "It’s an old computer," said the Wabbit with distaste. He looked at it disparagingly because he knew that it was incapable of supporting one of his
lists far less a sophisticated program like ListWrite Lite. "The lost data must be in there," he thought, "otherwise I wouldn’t be here." The
Wabbit paused to agree with himself, which
he very often did. But when he agreed with himself, his ears would tilt back and then suddenly forward in a manner that some found disturbing. So the Wabbit tried not to
agree with himself too much in public. "I suppose I’ll have to examine the
interior," thought the Wabbit, "and see if there’s any lost data lying around." The Wabbit fished around in his fur for a crosshead screwdriver that he had bought cheaply in a market near the Big White Hospital and poked the side of the computer. In the Wabbit's head there lurked an entertaining idea that he would find a compartment clearly marked Lost Data, just inside the casing. He would then quickly unbolt it and make off. "If only life could be like that," thought the Wabbit and he patiently set to work.
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
1. The Wabbit and the Fantastic Mission
The Wabbit was at his
laptop attending to his lists - a task for which he had tried several systems. Usually he tried to have umpteen windows open and exchange items at will. But on this occasion
he had decided to download a program called ListWrite Light. This had proved
colourful yet less than helpful. He now had the exactly the same lists but they
were prettier. "Grrr," thought the Wabbit and he jabbed furiously at the laptop keys
and tried to uninstall the program. But just at that very moment the Snail
Phone rang and the Wabbit grabbed it with a paw. "Oh, hello Snail," said the Wabbit brightly, muttering, "make it quick!" under
his breath. "I heard you," said Snail. The Wabbit had forgotten that the Snail
Phone was a sensitive device that could hear his thoughts and he silently
cursed the new technology that he and Big Blue Snail had developed in a shed. "We
cannot fly in the face of change," said Snail. "I suppose not," said the Wabbit, “so
what’s new, what’s true?" "I'm relaying a secret message from the Department. Your mission is to retrieve some lost data and for that you must be miniaturised." "I’m a wabbit not a scale model," said the Wabbit. "Prepare to download the program," sighed Snail, "and I’ll be seeing you." The Wabbit's
paws started to vibrate and he watched as his laptop got bigger and bigger. "It's not
the laptop, it’s you," said Snail's voice from the phone. "I don’t want to be
miniaturised," said the Wabbit. "It’s just for an hour," said Snail. "Not even for
a second," yelled the Wabbit. "Honey I
shrunk the Wabbit," smiled Snail and the line went dead.
Saturday, June 02, 2012
The Wabbits make an Emergency Earthquake Appeal
"Many animals are suffering because of the earthquake in Emilia Romagna," said the Wabbit. "Please help by making a donation to ENPA, National Animal Protection," said Lovely Lapinette. "Here's the ENPA statement," said the Wabbit.
- L’Enpa (Ente nazionale protezione animali) e’ pronto a inviare verso l’Emilia-Romagna ‘Isotta’, il mezzo di soccorso per le gravi emergenze veterinarie. “Una missione a 360° per supportare con cibo, medicinali e sostegno psicologico gli animali coinvolti nel sisma, vedendo a fianco dei veterinari la presenza anche di comportamentisti, fondamentali per aiutare gli animali a superare il trauma causato da questo terribile terremoto.
- ENPA (National animal protection) is ready to send relief to the Emilia-Romagna Isolde for several veterinary agencies. It's a 360 ° mission to give food, medical and emotional support for animals involved in the earthquake. Being at the side of veterinary activists is essential in helping our animals to overcome the trauma caused by this terrible earthquake.
Friday, June 01, 2012
The Wabbit & the After Adventure Cafe
It was an exhilarating adventure and even though they had enjoyed it, they were glad to be back. Skratch the Cat Burglar crossed his legs and settled in his chair. "I'm almost afraid to ask what kind of adventure you had." "Surely not, Skratch!"said the Wabbit smiling. "You had us all a little worried," said Skratch, "especially when you didn't show up for the Carrot Club meeting." "Oh yes," said the Wabbit, "that'll take some explaining." They all chuckled because they knew the Wabbit seldom missed a meeting of the Carrot Club and when he did there was a lengthy inquest. "Well I think the adventure was mostly scientific," said Ghost Bunny, "with more than a touch of mysticism." "Science and magic don't mix," said Lapinette with a frown. "Quite right," said Skratch. "Genre is not to be treated in a flippant way for the purpose of idle entertainment." "Not so," said Ghost Bunny. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Skratch, than are dreamed of in your literary criticism classes." "Like ghosts," said the Wabbit. "Like ghosts," said Ghost Bunny and she paused for a minute. "In terms of quantum mechanics, the past isn't dead, it's not even past." she breathed. "That's William Faulkner," said Lapinette, "Pretty rich for a modernist," said Skratch. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit. "Wabbit you should never have sent Skratch to that night class." "I didn't," said the Wabbit. "I took him," said Ghost Bunny.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
7. The Wabbit and the Surprising Return
"Ghost Bunny?" queried Lapinette. "We’re back," wailed Ghost Bunny. "Hello!
Welcome home," shouted Skratch. "How did
you know where to find us?" said Lapinette. "I saw it in a dream," purred Skratch. "A small
white rabbit with a big book appeared and advised me to go to the Motor Museum, where I would find something to my advantage." "That would be me," called the Wabbit. Skratch watched the Wabbit carefully and addressed Lapinette. "The Wabbit’s to my advantage?" he asked. "I am," said the Wabbit. Skratch snorted but then he smiled and his tail quivered. "Where is he going?" said Lapinette to
Ghost Bunny quietly. "I’m going to look over a Bugatti," said the Wabbit. "I think that trip went to his head," whispered
Lapinette. "No, no," called the Wabbit and he climbed onwards. "It’s all in the book!” he muttered, but everyone heard
him even though it was under his breath. "That book is all advanced mathematics," said
Lapinette. "Indeed!" cried the Wabbit. "This
is one of many possible worlds and in every possible world there’s always a Motor
Museum." "He’s winding us up," said Skratch. "He does that," said Lapinette. "It’s his way," said Ghost Bunny fondly. "It would be nice if his way met our way from time to time," said Lapinette. "Then
he wouldn’t be the Wabbit," said Skratch. "Come on everyone, there’s a great snack
bar nearby," called the Wabbit. "His way just met my way," said Lapinette. "And
mine," said Skratch. "I therefore suggest we follow the Wabbit," said Ghost Bunny. So they did.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
6. The Wabbit and the Alchemy Chant
Ghost Bunny suddenly inflated to twice her normal size and
the playing cards assembled and span
around in her glow. As she chanted, the small white rabbits paired and
tripled, joined with the cards and rotated quickly. "What’s she chanting?" asked
the Wabbit. "The Fibonacci Sequence," said Lapinette. "We’ll be here for weeks!" said the Wabbit. But he heard Ghost Bunny’s
tone alter and his ears pricked back as she muttered a rapid incantation. "Dublin,
Turin, Potsdam, Rome; Lucas, Cullen, Wostenholme;
We beg the ghost of David Bohm; to find the holes and bring us home,” she sang. "That’s rather good," said the Wabbit, "and quite catchy," "Shh Wabbit there’s
more," said Lapinette. Ghost Bunny made a phantasmic gesture and glowed brightly. "Unfolded
orders, one two three; counter-factuality; So what’s the probability? Of us
being home in time for tea," she sang. The cards and the rabbits span faster and
faster until they merged in a frantic blur. The Wabbit shook his head. "I’d rather
have an aperitivo," he said. "I agree,” agreed Lapinette. “Do you think Ghost
Bunny needs any help?” asked the Wabbit. "It coudn’t hurt," said Lapinette. The Wabbit cleared his throat. "There’s
nothing much you get for free; in quantum non-locality," he rhymed. "If truth is that, which is the case; We’d
rather be in just one place," said Lapinette.
And as she said "place", there was a loud crack and the cards and the rabbits
collapsed into a single point and vanished.
Monday, May 28, 2012
5. The Wabbit and the Fibonacci Hole.
Lapinette and the Wabbit looked up to see the approach of a ghostly object. "It's Ghost Bunny!" cried Lapinette with delight. "Where have you been?" said Ghost Bunny in alarm. "We've only been away a minute," said the Wabbit. "You've been gone three weeks," said Ghost Bunny. "Everyone's been looking for you." "Well, it's good to be missed," said the Wabbit cheerfully. "It's no joking matter, Wabbit," said Ghost Bunny sternly." You're trapped in a Fibonacci sequence and you must leave immediately before you're stuck until it ends." "What's the end of the sequence?" said the Wabbit. "It's thought to be infinite," said Lapinette with alarm. "It just keeps going, like us," joked the Wabbit. "This is no time for your particular brand of misplaced humour, Commander," said Ghost Bunny. "You must find the hole in the sequence that releases you and quickly." "I'm not really sure what that number could be," said Lapinette and she thought for a bit and pulled her ears. "Maybe a self initialising quadratic sieve might do the trick?" The Wabbit rummaged in his fur. "Do you have one?" asked Lapinete. "No," said the Wabbit "I'm looking for something else." He delved long and deep took out a small paper slip. "Let's try 22223224462942044552973989346190996720666693909649976499097960" "What in Pluto is that?" asked Ghost Bunny. "It's my
membership number in the Carrot Club," said the Wabbit. A sudden sharp wind froze them to the marrow. Then even Ghost
Bunny's fur ruffled as the cards lifted one by one and blew all around.
Friday, May 25, 2012
4. The Wabbit and the Jolly Joker
Suddenly the scene changed and the Wabbit and Lapinette found
themselves behind a gravestone watching a different white rabbit hop towards them. "Another one," muttered the Wabbit who was
beginning to get used to more and more rabbits. “Hop white rabbit, hop hop!” shouted the white rabbit and with a flick of his paw he threw several playing cards in the air. Lapinette and the Wabbit gazed at the cards that were now dancing a merry
jig. The Wabbit thought for a
moment then smiled. "Pick any card," he said to Lapinette, "but don’t let me see
it." The Wabbit shut his eyes very tightly indeed and Lapinette put out a paw and grabbed the three
of diamonds. "OK, tell me what it is," sighed Lapinette. "It's the three of diamonds," said the Wabbit
quickly. "Oh!" sulked Lapinette and she looked at the Wabbit with a look she reserved
for his magic tricks, because she knew that Wabbit could perform quite a few that he had learned from a book. He would take it upon himself to entertain guests at social gatherings and usually she chose
that very moment to have an urgent appointment elsewhere. "It’s not a trick," said the Wabbit. "It’s the
Fibonacci Sequence." "Then where,”
asked Lapinette, "does that card fit?" She pointed to to the hopping rabbit and
the Wabbit looked at him and then at the card the white rabbit had kept to himself. "That's a
jolly joker," said the Wabbit. "It can fit anywhere." "Like us," smiled Lapinette. "Up to a point," smiled the Wabbit.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
3. The Wabbit and Schrödinger's Rabbits
As soon as Lapinette mentioned the word “rabbits”, both she and the Wabbit shot into the air. "Whooooah!" said the Wabbit. "Woooooooh!" said
Lapinette and she struggled to get the Wabbit’s automatic out of her frock. They both started to drift around and Lapinette's arms detached from her body and
whirled too. "Over there!" gasped the Wabbit and gestured as best he
could at two white rabbits sitting on a gravestone. The rabbits were having a discussion about quantum sequences
and although they seemed to notice Lapinette and the Wabbit they merely
continued their discussion in an animated manner. The Wabbit caught vague terms like asymptotic,
fans, arcs, retracement and time extension and they all seemed to whirl around his head. But when Lapinette heard them say "time extension", something made her uneasy and she tried to fire an
alarm shot in the air with her automatic. The rabbits looked across as the automatic made a soft plopping and equations issued from the barrel. They nodded sagely and murmured about the implicate order. "Hello rabbits," said the Wabbit as best he could. "We are only
one rabbit," said both rabbits at once. "What’s your name?" asked Lapinette in a warbly voice. "I am Schrödinger," said one. "No, I am Schrödinger," said the other. "I’m confused," said the Wabbit. "There’s a simple
explanation," said Lapinette suddenly. "When everything is eliminated, the remaining explanation no matter how bizarre is the case." "That's true," said the Wabbit as if he knew already. "The rabbits are here and not here at the
same time," said Lapinette. "So what about us?" said the Wabbit. "Us too," said Lapinette.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
2. The Wabbit and the Ouija Board
As Lapinette and the Wabbit hopped into the Graveyard, the gates swung closed behind them with a clang and the sky misted over. "Mmm," said the Wabbit, "we just lost some light. Perhaps this graveyard is haunted." "Who by?" asked Lapinette. "Persons or things unknown," said the Wabbit knowledgeably and he scanned the graveyard all around. "Do you think that's why it's always locked with a big padlock?" said Lapinette. "I think spooks care as much about padlocks as I do," smiled the Wabbit. "You're a bit of a spook yourself," said Lapinette. "Everyone's got to have a project," said the Wabbit. They both thought long and hard, then smiled for a moment. But the Wabbit felt the wind tugging at his fur again. He turned in its direction and shivered as he caught sight of a coloured object. "What's that?" he murmured. "It's a Ouija Board," said Lapinette. "I don't think they work," said the Wabbit. "Ask it," said Lapinette. "OK," said the Wabbit. He rummaged in his fur for his monopod and hopping up to the board he began to poke it vigorously. Very slowly, the tip of the monopod started to move across the letters - first to O then U then C and finally H. "Ouch!" said Lapinette. "Sorry," said the Wabbit. Then he felt the board tremble slightly and watched as it pointed to O followed by K. Suddenly, it began to glow and the Wabbit's monopod started to move again, but this time across a particular sequence of numbers: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, then 13 and 21. Finally it stopped. "Fibonacci of Pisa!" exclaimed the Wabbit. "And his pair of rabbits!" gasped Lapinette.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
1. The Wabbit and the Locked Graveyard
The Wabbit and Lapinette were on a constitutional hop quite near the Old Abandoned Laundry and just as they were passing the Old Locked Graveyard, the Wabbit noticed that the chain and padlock were missing. "Look Lapinette!" he said with excitement. "There's no lock!" Lapinette made sure the gate was indeed unlocked. "Usually there's a big iron padlock," said the Wabbit. "Usually that doesn't stop you looking around," smiled Lapinette. "I felt that would be disrespectful," said the Wabbit. "I don't think they mind in there," said Lapinette. "Well, they're somewhat dead," said the Wabbit. "You never show as much respect for the somewhat living," said Lapinette. The Wabbit thought for a bit and said, "That's somewhat of a point." He was just about to elaborate on respect when he felt a faint breath of wind tug at his fur. "Did you feel that?" he said, looking through the gates. "Feel what?" asked Lapinette. "That tuggy thing on the fur," said the Wabbit. "I felt no tuggy thing," said Lapinette and she sniffed the air. "But I'm aware of a musty smell like ancient boots in the cellar," she said. The Wabbit looked at his fur while Lapinette looked at her feet and they were so intent on looking that they hardly noticed the gates swing open. "That's odd," said the Wabbit. "The gates opened of their own volition." "Silently," said Lapinette. "They're supposed to go creakedy-creakedy," said the Wabbit. "Ungate-like behaviour," said Lapinette. "Shall we go in?" asked the Wabbit. "Do we have a choice?" said Lapinette. "Not this side of an adventure," said the Wabbit and they both hopped through.
Monday, May 21, 2012
The Wabbit and the stash of Irn Bru
"Where's this? asked Skratch. "It's the Wabbit's homeland," answered Quantum the Time Travelling Train. "Off you hop now and have a nice snack!" So while they assembled round a table, Skratch thought he would get the drinks. "Carrot aperitivi," he called in a loud cat voice. "Oh I don't think they have these here," said the Wabbit, "but I do see something else." "So do I!" said Ghost Bunny, "it says Irn Bru on the label." "Made in Scotland from Girders," said the Wabbit. Lapinette giggled. "And how do they do that exactly?" she smiled. Lapinette was merely teasing, because she had found the Wabbit's secret stash of Irn Bru in the back of a cupboard along with a sporran, a skean dubh and a tartan football hat. Of this discovery she said nothing. "Irn Bru is so made of girders," said the Wabbit following a pause. "It contains ammonium ferric citrate!" "Point nought nought two percent," said Ghost Bunny quietly. "Exactly," said the Wabbit. "It puts fur on your chest, so will you join me in a glass?" "Me too," said Quantum the Train and they all settled back. "So what about the Ice Mice? What kind of adventure was that exactly?" asked Skratch. "It was an Eco adventure," said Ghost Bunny who took an interest in popular television. "The Skarrots was an Eco adventure too," said Lapinette. "Are we getting in a rut, then?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit sipped his drink and smacked his lips. He knew only too well that Lapinette had discovered his secret hoard of Irn Bru because he was one bottle short. "No, it's more of a groove," he grinned.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
8. The Wabbit in the Sombrero Galaxy
Quantum jettisoned the container of Ice Mice on the edge of the Sombrero Galaxy and all the gang cheered as they watched it spiral off into the distance. "I hope we've seen the last of these mice," said Skratch the Cat Burglar. "Somehow I doubt it," said the Wabbit. "There's a big black hole down there," said Lovely Lapinette. "A black mouse hole?" asked Skratch. Everyone laughed. "Now it's time for us to sing," said Quantum the Time Travelling Train. "Sing?" said Ghost Bunny in surprise. "We always sing," said Quantum. "Well only just the once before," said the Wabbit. "That's how traditions begin," said Quantum, "so you start, Commander Wabbit." "Oh all right," said the Wabbit and he put his paw to his ear in authentic folk fashion and adopted a nasal voice. "All around my hat!" he chanted. "I will wear the green willow," responded Quantum melodically and started a background music track. "All around my hat, for a twelve month and a day," sang Lapinette. "And if anyone should ask me," sang Skratch. "The reason why I'm wearing it," added Ghost Bunny. And then they all joined together and sang with gusto. "It's all for my True Love who is far far away!" And across billions of galaxies, trillions of light years away from the Sombrero Galaxy, space travellers picked up a strange signal on sub space communications. It was the sound of merry singing. And soon, over the vast universe, everyone was singing that self same song.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
7. The Wabbit and the Quantum Airlift
Ghost Bunny was already aboard Quantum the Time Travelling Train and the rest of the gang could feel the effect of Quantum's powerful engines. But the Ice Mice had no choice. They were drawn aboard as if compelled to travel. Quantum started to shudder and shake. "All aboard, all aboard!" shouted the Wabbit. "Please have your travel documents ready," shouted Skratch. "No liquids, no lighters, no plastic forks," shouted Lapinette. Quantum's shaking stopped and the train began to hum in an increasingly strange tone. "This is your Captain speaking," intoned Ghost Bunny over the loudspeakers. "In the unlikely event of being frozen in a different dimension, please use the oxygen masks and sick bags provided." The gang could hear a muted chattering. "I guess the Ice Mice just picked the wrong train," said Skratch. "What time is it?" asked Lapinette of the Wabbit. "Six five," he said, "and the station is a shakin'." "Shall we then board?" said Lapinette. "Wouldn't miss it for the world," said Skratch. Ghost Bunny slid back the cabin door and they all lurched on. The Wabbit looked around. "Quantum, we meet again," he said. "Commander," said Quantum. "Welcome aboard. Our destination is Galaxy T104. Ghost Bunny has already walked around." "I haunted round and all is well," said Ghost Bunny, handing the Wabbit a sheaf of paperwork. "OK," said the Wabbit and he hopped on the footplate. "Out and up, Quantum. Nice and easy." There was a sudden shudder, then a flash and all that remained was a faint smell of engine shavings.
Monday, May 14, 2012
6. The Wabbit and the Emergency Plan
The Wabbit watched as Ghost Bunny's Processor crushed the Ice Mice, but he was not expecting a vast number of small Ice Mice to swarm towards them. "Plan?" shouted Lapinette. "Run!" shouted the Wabbit. In a flurry of paws and fur, they shot along the Walkway with speed. But the Ice Mice were everywhere - as far back as their eyes could see. "Ghost Bunny!" panted the Wabbit. "Yes Commander," breathed Ghost Bunny. "Can you haunt ahead and prepare Quantum the Time Travelling Train?" yelled the Wabbit, shaking off a voracious Ice Mouse from his rear leg. "On my way," shouted Ghost Bunny and she shimmered and vanished. Keeping just ahead, the three puffed and huffed and hopped along the ramp, except for Skratch who was a cat. "It's like the Pied Piper of Hamleys!" yelled the Wabbit. "Hornby!" corrected Skratch. "Hamelin!" shouted Lapinette. "I never got the point of that story," huffed the Wabbit. "Did the rats vanish?" "Oh yes," panted Lapinette. "and everyone else too. No-one was ever seen again." "I want to be seen again," gasped the Wabbit. "Then where are you sending them?" asked Lapinette. "Far, far away," said the Wabbit. "Far is good," said Lapinette, glancing behind her. "They're going to Galaxy M104, 28 million light years as the crow warps," shouted the Wabbit. "Not the Sombrero Galaxy?" gasped Skratch. "Yes," yelled the Wabbit, "but keep it under your hat."
Friday, May 11, 2012
5, The Wabbit and the Big Crossbow
"Where did you get a giant crossbow?" asked the Wabbit. "Requisition!" said both Lapinette and Ghost Bunny at once. The Wabbit was none the wiser but ploughed on. "Won't the Ice Mice notice the Crossbow?" he asked. "Oh yes, that's half the fun," said Ghost Bunny. "They'll see it but they won't believe it." Everyone nodded and looked the Crossbow up and down. "All right, let's see if we have this corrrect," interrupted the Wabbit. "Ghost Bunny, the Cooling Tower has been modified into a Quantum Compressor?" "Crushedy, crushedy," said Ghost Bunny. Lapinette thought that Ghost Bunny was definitely spending too much time with the Wabbit. "The craft are dawn inexorably into the Cooling Tower and we lob these disks in after them," she said. "What's in the disks now?" asked the Wabbit. "Soot," said Ghost Bunny. "We're very low-tech today," observed the Wabbit. "Retro, Commander," replied Ghost Bunny. "but their weapons will become ineffective." "And the mice?" asked the Wabbit. "Small," said Ghost Bunny. "Tiny," said Lapinette. "Miniscule?" suggested the Wabbit. "No, not that small," said Lapinette. "And then what do we do?" said the Wabbit. "I don't know, that's your department," said Lapinette. "Recycle?" said Ghost Bunny. "Excellent," said the Wabbit, "we'll let the fellows at the recycling plant sort it out." "No Wabbit!" shouted Lapinette. "We'll send them back from whence they came!" "What's their address?" asked the Wabbit.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
4. The Wabbit and the Secret Meeting
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
3. The Wabbit gets some Help
The Wabbit avoided the fire from the air and made it to the heart of the city, but still the strange craft of the Ice Mice hovered high above and the Wabbit could plainly be seen through the gaps made by public works. "Accursed developers!" muttered the Wabbit and he made for the back of the Big New Station. But he could hear a familiar voice above the sounds of the city. "Wabbit! Over here, Wabbit!" The Wabbit glanced round and caught whatever was spiraling towards him. He didn't quite remember taking aim and he certainly doesn't recall squeezing the trigger. But there was a blast of such magnitude that windows in nearby buildings shook themselves from their frames and crashed to the ground. When the explosion died away, there was a dead silence and then with an awful creaking, the craft slowly tilted and sank from the sky. The Wabbit looked at Skratch. "I'm glad to see you my friend. New coat?" he smiled. "Your requisition," said Skratch. "Really? said the Wabbit, who had indeed signed the paperwork without optimism. "And the Snaser?" he asked, stroking it. "Improved," said Skratch. "Excellent," said the Wabbit. Skratch grinned a big grin but then frowned. "What about these interlopers?" he asked, pointing a wary paw to the sky. The Wabbit saw five more vessels headed their way. "Do you know something Skratch?" he said. Skratch tilted his head enquiringly. "Just for a moment there I thought we were in trouble." said the Wabbit.
Saturday, May 05, 2012
2. The Wabbit stays on the Road
With the strange craft behind him, the Wabbit took off at speed. He knew the terrain but the craft had the advantage of height and could see everywhere the Wabbit went. So the Wabbit thought he may as well keep to the road and he dodged right and left to avoid the crackling beams that threatened to slice through his fur. "Keep right on to the end of the road," hummed the Wabbit to give himself company. It seemed to work, and he was able to quicken his pace and hum some more. "Though your heart be strong and the road be long, keep right on round the bend!" he hummed. The beams looked hot from a distance but when they came close the Wabbit felt an icy chill and he shivered. "I need to find cover and lose this annoying fellow," thought the Wabbit. "Cover, cover, cover. Where, where, where?" he asked himself. At the same time, the Wabbit was wondering why the Ice Mice had returned so close to his location. On their last encounter he and Ghost Bunny had given them a trouncing that they no doubt remembered. But there was something else. It was such an obvious something else that it completely eluded him. The Wabbit shoved this thought to the back of his mind, which was fairly capacious. "This is too countrified," thought the Wabbit. "I need the nooks and crannies of the city." "And controlled air space," said a voice from the back of his mind. The Wabbit made a left turn and headed for the depths of the city where he knew he belonged.
Friday, May 04, 2012
1. The Wabbit & the Return of the Ice Mice
It was only by chance that the Wabbit was passing the Old Abandoned Laundry. He had just popped through the derelict gates to see if there was anything to see, when a shadow passed over him and he looked up to see a familiar craft. "Ice Mice!" he hissed and he crouched behind an old rusty tank. "I thought they had departed for a distant galaxy," mused the Wabbit. The Ice Mice either didn't see the Wabbit or ignored him, because they were intent on their task. They worked industriously to harvest the disks that fell from their craft and then bore them around with feverish haste. The Wabbit tried to work out what the disks were. They glowed, but not always. Some were bigger, some smaller. Some seemed heavier than others and they all made a sonorous ringing if dropped. The Wabbit could do little on his own, but he saw that one disk had rolled close and he wondered if he could reach it. He stretched and stretched - but it was just out of his grasp and when he nearly had it in his paw, it rolled slightly further way. "Accursed thing!" muttered the Wabbit under his breath. But under his breath was not low enough for the sharp ears of one Ice Mouse and it looked over at the Wabbit and squealed. All the Ice Mice turned to look. "Time to go!" thought the Wabbit and he grabbed the disk, tucked it into his fur and loped for the gate. The Wabbit outpaced the Ice Mice easily, but from the corner of his eye he could see the strange craft close its bay doors and move in his direction.
Thursday, May 03, 2012
The Wabbit and the Shopping Joke
"Why are we here?" asked Lapinette." "We're shopping," said the Wabbit. "What on earth for?" asked Lapinette. "I'm not exactly sure. I'll know it when I see it," replied the Wabbit. "This shop is full of not very useful things," said Lapinette. "Ah," said the Wabbit with a look that he adopted when he thought he knew better than everyone else. "They don't look useful now but later we might need something that we didn't buy when we had the opportunity." "Like what?" scoffed Lapinette. "Small bags of unusual dimensions," said the Wabbit. "And things for removing things from other things." "Which would then fit into an unusually shaped bag?" suggested Lapinette. "Exactly," said the Wabbit. Silence fell, but not for long. "I haven't forgotten that shopping remark," said Lapinette. "Oh, which one? I've quite lost track," said the Wabbit, knowing what was coming next. "When we were in the supermarket about to fight those dangerous GM Skarrots," said Lapinette, "you went off and said that I should shop while I waited for you to come back." "That was a complimentary reference to your marvellous ability to multi-task," said the Wabbit, hoping for the best. "Well, I'd like to see you shop and fight off the wicked Agents of Rabit at the same time," said Lapinette. "No problem," said the Wabbit. "Well what would you shop for?" said Lapinette. "Bullets!" said the Wabbit.
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
The Wabbit and his Thoughts
The three were in contemplative mood as they stopped on the stairs on the way home from a restaurant. Lapinette was thinking. She knew that the Wabbit adored Ghost Bunny and that his adoration was reciprocated. But she had no particular worries on that score because she knew the Wabbit and all his ways rather well. She knew that she tolerated many of the Wabbit's wilder idiosyncrasies, because she loved him and that was that. No-one else could know the Wabbit like Lapinette and so Lapinette smiled a satisfied smile. At the same time Ghost Bunny was also thinking. She knew that Lapinette knew she adored the Wabbit. But at the same time, Ghost Bunny was completely in awe of Lapinette. Ghost Bunny knew her own education and experience was at least the equal of Lapinette's. But even with Ghost Bunny's specialisation in Lacanian psychoanalysis, Lapinette represented something lovely to her that she couldn't quite fathom. Both quietly smiled to themselves. The Wabbit was also gently musing to himself but of all these thoughts he was blissfully unaware. In the depths of the Wabbit's imagination, Ghost Bunny and Lapinette had been locked in a staring competition for 48 hours. Neither would give up and their eyes were unflinching. The Wabbit let his mind drift and as it wandered, he saw himself creeping up quietly and unseen behind both of them. But just as he was about to burst a large paper bag, a voice shattered his reverie. "What are you thinking?" said Lapinette. "Nothing!" uttered the Wabbit.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012
The Wabbits and the Mayday Fur
The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette had been sent on a special mission far away. Their role was to offer help and support to everyone involved in the fight against cruel fur farming. The day was wet and cold when they arrived outside the Ministry of Agriculture. But even though they shivered in the wind, their hearts were warm so they didn't care. "Shouldn't we shout slogans?" asked Lapinette. But the Wabbit could only think of old ones from the old days. "¡No
Pasarán!" he shouted. "That's over and done with," said Lapinette. "I rather doubt that," said the Wabbit. "What about ... fur belongs to the animal who wore it first?" said Lapinette. "That's very nice but hardly snappy," said the Wabbit and he had a good think. "I've got one," he said suddenly. "The stage is yours," said Lapinette. "There's no excuse!" shouted the Wabbit. "For animal abuse!" yelled Lapinette. They shouted the slogan back and forward, but after a while they needed a change. "Farmed fur doesn't keep you warm," shouted the Wabbit. "Give a hoot, give fur the boot," yelled Lapinette. "Oh, I do like that one," said the Wabbit and he stamped on the ground. "No-one really needs a fur coat," said Lapinette, "except wabbits and other animals." "Leonardo da Vinci would have agreed," said the Wabbit who had been reading up. "He may have been the first animal rights activist." What about St Francis of Assisi?" said Lapinette. "Leonardo has the edge," grinned the Wabbit. "Hoppy Mayday everyone!" smiled Lapinette.
[The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette ask Simon Coveney TD, Ireland Minister for Agriculture, to follow the lead of Scotland, Wales, England, Austria and Croatia in banning fur farming.]
[The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette ask Simon Coveney TD, Ireland Minister for Agriculture, to follow the lead of Scotland, Wales, England, Austria and Croatia in banning fur farming.]
Monday, April 30, 2012
The Wabbit and the Wyatt Earp Snail
Thursday, April 26, 2012
7. The Wabbits round 'em Up
The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette herded the greened Skarrots
safely into an enclosure and breathed a sigh of relief. "No more GM monster Skarrots," said the Wabbit. "Carrots
are now safely nutritious for all," said Snail, who liked a well-cultivated carrot or two. "How shall we
proceed?" asked Lapinette. "No recent orders," said the Wabbit, "so there’s
only one thing to do." "What’s that?" asked Snail. The Wabbit swung his whip twice. It snapped
and cracked in the air and the Skarrots cringed back. "Move them, move them, move
them," he sang. "Though we disapprove them," trilled Lapinette in reply. "Keep them Skarrots
movin', Rawhide!" bellowed the Wabbit. "Don’t try to comprehend them, just dice and chop and
bend 'em," sang Snail, "soon we will herd them out of sight," "Move 'em out, head 'em up, head 'em up, move 'em on. Move 'em out, head
'em up: Rawhide!" sang the Wabbit. "Cut 'em up, ride 'em in. Ride 'em in, cut 'em
up. Cut 'em down, ride 'em in: Rawhide!" sang Lapinette. "Rollin’ rollin’ rollin', strollin' strollin' strollin', " hummed Snail. Lapinette cracked her whip several times then dropped her voice to become more melodic. "All the things we’re missin'," she sang. "Aperitivi, love, and kissin'," sang the Wabbit. "Are waiting at the end of our
ride," sang Snail. "Hah!" shouted Lapinette and she cracked her whip again. "Hah!" shouted the Wabbit and he cracked his whip too. "Hah!" shouted Snail, who having no whip to crack, flailed his antennae instead - and they laughed and laughed and laughed.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
6. The Wabbit sees 'em Coming
The gang fell back and while Snail recharged, the Wabbit and Lapinette lay in wait for the Skarrots at the top of the shopping centre escalator. "Maybe they'll be dragged into the stairs," said the Wabbit. "Have you ever known that happen to anyone?" asked Lapinette. "Only once," said the Wabbit. "Who was that?" asked Lapinette. "Me," said the Wabbit and he fiddled with his Snazer gun. "Lucky escape?" asked Lapinette. "Nearly all escalator fatalities are repair technicians," said the Wabbit. "But I was dragged between the combs and it's not good for the fur." "What's it like in there?" asked Lapinette. "Mainly skeletons," smiled the Wabbit. "Look, here comes Snail!" said Lapinette. Snail was crawling under his load of blue slime laser supplies when he saw the Skarrots emerge from the escalator. "Let me at 'em, the little modified devils," cried Snail as he launched a full scale attack on the Skarrots. "He's not the usual Snail with a laser, is he?" said the Wabbit, leaning on his gun. Gradually, Skarrots turned green at the gills as Snail nailed them one by one. "An onion can make you cry, but carrots can't make you laugh," observed Lapinette wryly an she tucked her gun under her arm. "That's something a Wabbit can't run away from," said the Wabbit. "Are you going to do Cowboy quotes all day?" snorted Snail. "I never miss a good chance to shut up," said the Wabbit.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
5. The Wabbit at the Supermarket Corral
Monday, April 23, 2012
4. The Wabbit and the GM Carrot Crisis
Friday, April 20, 2012
3. The Wabbit and the GM Skarrots
The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette took a short cut, but somehow the Skarrots managed to evade them. "Look they're over there!" hissed Lapinette and they both took up positions behind a pole and watched as the Skarrots queued for a bus to the city. "Surprising behaviour," said the Wabbit. "They've been coached!" said Lapinette. "Why don't you call it in to the Department, see what they know." The Wabbit got on the blower as he called it, and started muttering things in code. His radio hissed and the Wabbit hit it hard with his paw. "Shhh!" he said. It crackled slightly. "That's better," said the Wabbit and he spoke softly. "Yes, they're getting on the bus now. Yes, yes. Oh yes. No." "What's going on?" whispered Lapinette. "Apparently the plan is to let them go where they're going. Nothing must impede them." "Where are they going?" asked Lapinette. "We''re going to find out," said the Wabbit and shut off his radio. "The driver won't have change for 50 Euro notes," said Lapinette. "Don't worry," said the Wabbit. "I know him and I told him to expect unusuality." "And you'll owe him a dinner I suppose," said Lapinette. "Money well spent," said the Wabbit. "Unusuality isn't a word," said Lapinette. "Yes it is," said the Wabbit. "I bet you dinner it's not," said Lapinette. "OK," said the Wabbit and he smiled a confident smile. "It is a word isn't it?" sighed Lapinette. "Big eats!" grinned the Wabbit.
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