15. The Wabbit and Unusual Transport

The Wabbit looked into the distance and worried. "Where's Wabsworth?" "He's coming," said Lapinette, "he had some kingship ritual to perform." A strange cry split the air that was somewhere between a screech and a roar. "Please be quick," said Thoth the Whale. "I am thrice impatient." "What about our ships?" asked Jenny the Pirate. "I'm not going anywhere without my ship." "The Unut is in dry dock in Genoa," sighed Thoth, "and the Lepus is being retro-fitted in Troon." "Then how do we get home?" asked Skratch, "and where's my cap?" "You're coming with me," said Thoth, "do you have the Stone?" The Wabbit was furious and hopped up and down. "You knew what we had to find! You knew all along!" "I am thrice duplicitous," said Thoth. "Oh it's no use arguing," grunted the Wabbit. "We all have to get in." "What's it like in there?" asked Skratch. "Thoroughly unpleasant," snorted Jenny who had a clue about whales. Lapinette looked doubtful. There was another noise. "I have pleasant quarters and a full supply of aperitivi on board." "Rum?" asked Jenny. "Seven Fathoms," replied Thoth. "Music?" asked the Wabbit. "Jazz," said Thoth. "Any Highland tunes?" asked the Stone. "Drums, fifes, bagpipes and tabors," said Thoth. "I'm on ma holidays!" shouted the Stone.

14. The Wabbit & the King of Helpers

Suddenly the team was outside on a parapet, gazing at a figure towering over the landscape. The Wabbit's android double had been specifically left to go native with the locals - and it looked like he'd taken the job seriously. "Hurrah for the Liberator!" shouted the Creatures. "Hurrah for the electric rabbit!" Lapinette sounded disgruntled. "I thought Wabsworth was supposed to keep everything quiet." "Maybe he knows what he's doing," murmured the Wabbit and he fished his walkie talkie from his fur. "Wabsworth, what the binky are you doing?" The radio crackled. "Sorry Commander, they wouldn't have it any other way." "Your Excellency," sighed the Wabbit, "we found what we were looking for. Now we have to get out of here." "Get out with me, the Stone," yelled the Stone with glee. It was too loud. "They have the Stone!" yelled the creatures and they started to hum and sway rhythmically. "Sort it out Wabsworth," snapped the Wabbit and he switched his radio off. Wabsworth voice boomed out and it echoed from the two towers. "We must hide the Stone!" Still swaying, the creatures turned. "Hide the stone, hide the Stone!" they roared. "Our friends came to help us," shouted Wabsworth. "They will hide the stone for us!" The combined shouts of the creatures were deafening. "Help us,  dear Friends. Help us hide our Stone!" "He's good, this Wabsworth fellow," murmured Jenny. "He's his own best helper," smiled Skratch.

13. The Wabbit and the Animated Map

No-one knew exactly what happened but the pillars began to fade and they were back on the walkway over the chasm. Everyone pulled out weapons and looked around, but there was only a flickering of images. "What are these lettering things?" asked Lapinette. "They're the Types of Destiny," said the Stone. "Do you mean you get a choice?" asked Jenny. "Cats get many," answered Skratch. The Wabbit barely heard this interchange because he was calculating. "I'm going to call this the Pit of Relativism," he rasped and he clutched his Snazer close to his fur. "I can see a light there," said Lapinette, lowering her automatic. The Wabbit's head swivelled. "Not all light is good light," he murmured. The five steadily moved along the platform, stopping occasionally and looking about. "It's all artifice," said Pirate Jenny, "we're in the map." "The animated map," laughed Skratch the Cat. "So how do we get out of the map?" said Lapinette. "We hop to the edge," said the Wabbit. "The edge of darkness?" asked Skratch. "One thing I know about edges," said the Wabbit," is that something stops and another thing starts." Jenny racked the slide of her automatic. "I feel like starting something," she said. Lapinette gripped her Makarov and hopped from right to left and bared her teeth. "So do I," she breathed.

12. The Wabbit and the Original Stone

The ring dropped and air hissed. "Take cover!" shouted the Wabbit but it was too late. Rabbit Jenny neatly sidestepped and Skratch deftly flinched as the lid shot past his head. "I am the original Stone," said a Stone creature, "what took ye a' so long?" Jenny's look was a question for the Wabbit - and the Wabbit knew the answer. "We've been looking for you," he said solemnly. "We came a long way and used a lot of expensive stuff." The Stone hopped up and down with agitation. "I was in hiding!" Lapinette moved closer to inspect the stone. "Why the strange garb?" she asked. "I'm disguised," said the Stone. "They're after me." "We're here to take you to a place of safety," said Skratch suddenly. The Wabbit hadn't been expecting that, so he inclined his head towards Skratch. "I know how this plot works," shrugged Skratch. "Where will ye take me?" interrupted the Stone. The Wabbit had to think, because he had no idea. "We'll take you back to Turin," he said after deliberating for quite some while. Now the Stone thought for a long time. "What's the food like?" This time Jenny stepped in. "There are delicious Hershey's bars, wrapped in smoked salmon." "Oh aye?" asked the Stone. "And covered in mayonnaise," continued Jenny. "Oooh," said the Stone. "Then deep fried in batter," added the Wabbit. "When do we leave?" said the Stone.

11. The Wabbit, the Stone and the Ring

Rabbit Jenny was right. The void was an illusion and they found themselves in a marbled hall. Everything appeared clear. There was a carved stone - or was it a sarcophagus? "Is this it, Wabbit?" said Jenny, "is this what we seek?" The Wabbit shrugged. "Might be," he said. "Maybe we should open it then," said Lapinette and she tugged at the lid. "It looks heavy," said Skratch. He tried to shift it too but it wouldn't budge a millimeter. For a while they all stood and looked at it, as if it might move on its own. "What's this opening?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit glanced at it but when he looked into the hole, he felt suddenly compelled to search in his fur. Lapinette watched him closely. "What are you looking for?" "I'll know when I find it," sighed the Wabbit and he continued searching. "I found it," he said with glee and he took out a ring. Skratch's heart flipped and he looked at Jenny - but Jenny was watching the ring and saw it flash in the dim light. "Did you see that?" she asked. "See what?" said Skratch. "The ring flashed," said Jenny. Lapinette gestured to the stone. "Put it in the opening, Wabbit." The Wabbit leaned forward, dropped the ring through the small aperture and waited. Jenny's ears fluttered. "Did you hear that?" Lapinette held up a paw for silence and put her ear to the stone. "Let me oot!" cried a voice.

10. The Wabbit and the Void

The team materialised. They were on a platform that hung in mid air over a vast chasm and there was nowhere to go. The Wabbit rummaged in his fur and drew out his lucky rock. He shook his head - then gritting his teeth, he flung it over the side. Everyone waited for a sound, but none came. Rabbit Jenny strolled up and down the platform and looking over each edge, called loudly. No echo answered. "There's only one way to go," she decided and dangled a pirate boot in the void. "Aaahgh," yelled Skratch. Jenny frowned and looked at the Wabbit. "Remind me of what we're looking for?" "I don't know exactly," said the Wabbit. Jenny looked over the edge. "Well, I can't see it." One by one everyone started to laugh. "Shhh, listen," said Lapinette. Laughing died as they listened hard. A faint echo of laughter replied from empty space. "We have to jump," said Jenny. "It's the only way." "It might be a long way down," said the Wabbit. "I don't think there is a down," answered Jenny. "I think we're in that other map you mentioned." She hopped to the far end of the platform and turned. Then without looking she leaned into nothingness. "Wha' will fill a coward's grave?" she shouted .. and she jumped. Skratch jumped after her. Lapinette bounded from the edge of the platform. "I'm not keen on heights," muttered the Wabbit and he flipped backwards into the abyss.

9. The Wabbit and the Power of Maps

Leaving Wabsworth to go native with the locals and gather information, the team gathered in a likely spot. "I don't see anything," said Lapinette, "are you sure this is right?" "That," said the Wabbit, "was my information," and he rummaged frantically in his fur. Skratch the Cat pricked up his ears. "Did anyone hear that?" Captain Jenny blinked and her nose twitched "A rumbly sort of noise?" "A rumbly, slidy rasping?" added Lapinette. "Shhh .." said the Wabbit as he flourished his map. Skratch reached for it but when his paw touched the parchment, a surge of energy shook them both. "Static?" suggested the Wabbit and he narrowed his eyes. "Oh, let me see," said Lapinette and she gripped the map by a corner. "Ouch," shouted the Wabbit. Lapinette looked at her tingling paw, shook it and said something under her breath. Pirate Jenny thought for a minute. "Let's all touch it together." The Wabbit nodded. He unrolled the map and each grasped a corner and waited. Nothing happened. The Wabbit suddenly grinned and rolled up the map. "Use your hook, Jenny!" Jenny changed paws and her hook coiled round the parchment. "Grip it," said the Wabbit. The map began to vibrate. They all looked round as a door swivelled and a passageway opened in the pyramid.  "Hold the map!" shouted the Wabbit and they all grabbed for it. Then they shimmered and vanished - as with a violent rasping, the door swung shut.

8. Skratch and the Instant Proposal

As the Wabbit and Lapinette watched the preparations for the Sago Ceremony, Skratch the Cat took his opportunity. "Captain Jenny," he whispered, sinking to his knees. Jenny looked down with interest and Skratch began. "I adore you Captain," he said. "May I have your hook in marriage?" Jenny rocked back and forth in a pirate fashion. Then she leant forward and pursed her lips and muttered. "Where's my dowry?" "That really comes from your side," replied Skratch, who had been a Cat Burglar and knew what was what. "But I have some jewelry put by."  "Oh," said Jenny, and she smiled. "Who's going to marry us?" Skratch gestured towards the Wabbit's android double. "Wabsworth has a divinity sub-routine," he purred. Jenny chuckled. "Who's going to give me away then?" "The Wabbit of course, he's senior." Jenny let forth a kind of a giggle. "I see no ring!" Skratch felt beads of perspiration under his mask. "I'm certain the Wabbit has one in his fur." "Aha!" said Jenny. "I don't want a second-hand ring the Wabbit found in a market." Skratch was quick. "I'm sure there's a special ring somewhere on this island." Now Jenny grinned. "Perhaps we'll find one." Skratch brightened and Jenny drew close. "I really don't know, Skratch. But I tell you what I'll do." Skratch felt his legs go rubbery. "I'll think about it," said Jenny curtly, then paused. "What on earth that thudding?" "My beating heart," sighed Skratch.

7. The Wabbit and the First Encounter

The team traversed the island and from a vantage point, surveyed the scene. But as they looked down at an avenue of pillars, they saw figures emerge from between the blue pyramids. One larger than the rest looked up and called out. "Do you seek treasure?"  Jenny looked at Lapinette. "You're the anthropologist, it's your call." Lapinette thought carefully. "We seek no treasure, we seek what is rightfully ours." Creatures scurried around and held impromptu discussions. "What is it that is rightfully yours?" cried the leader. The Wabbit shook his head. "We're not rightfully sure, but we have a map which leads to another map." The leader laughed. "Throw away your map, we know where everything is." "In that case," said Lapinette, "we'll pop down and interview you about your customs." There was a brief interval while more discussions took place. The leader hailed them again. "Have you brought any sago?" Lapinette smiled, because for once the Wabbit had something useful in his fur. But Jenny broke in quickly. "Sago is a scarce commodity, but we might be able to assist you." The Wabbit gripped his hidden packet tightly. "Have you heard of antique sago?" he called. A cheer rose above the island and some creatures began to dance. "We will now prepare the altar," called the leader. "I don't like the sound of this," said Skratch the Cat.

6. The Wabbit lands on Wablantis

"It's just up here," said Lapinette, but the Wabbit knew from his map that this might be a long way from their goal. So he hopped forward with a stern look to give the impression he knew what he was doing. "I though it would be warmer," said Captain Jenny, clutching an arm to her chest. "This is my summer tunic." Lapinette smiled because she had seen the whole island from her helichopper. She thought the island's broad plains and rounded hills might get very hot indeed - so she had dragged a light battledress from her locker. The Wabbit spoke in a too-loud voice and glanced all around. "I find it rather strange that no-one's about." "We should be on our guard," Commander," said Jenny. "These quiet places with no sign of life hide awful secrets and conceal strange practices." Lapinette was intrigued. "What sort of thing?" "Devil worship," replied Jenny. "And ritual sacrifice," added the Wabbit. But Lapinette had studied anthropology in the field with the Bare’e-speaking Toradja. "In Central Sulawesi," she nodded, "it ensures fertility." Jenny snorted. "Aren't they the ones that drink their own ...?"  No," said Lapinette quickly, "that's the Sambians of New Guinea." "Well, did we bring any gifts for inhabitants?" asked Jenny. The Wabbit dug deep in his fur and found a packet of sago long past its sell-by date. "We'll be fine," he murmured.
[Background photograph: Mick Warne]

5. The Lost Island of Wablantis

Lapinette didn't need much. She saw a tiny patch of blue and her helichopper leapt into the sky like a grasshopper. She looked down to see the Lepus and the Unut break through the jungle inlet into an electric blue sea. Lapinette's rotors chopped through strange air as she wheeled across an other-worldly landscape. She pawed her radio into life. "Lapinette, Lynx 2 calling." Nothing. She switched to the short wave. "Lynx 2. Do you copy?" Now the radio whined. "Captain Jenny receiving. What can you see?" "Strange shores, Captain," muttered Lapinette. There was a break in transmission. "Have you eaten recently?" broke in Jenny. There was no reply and Jenny's voice became strict. "There are salad sandwiches in the glove compartment. Eat." Lapinette gripped a sandwich in her mouth and skittered the Lynx along the island. "Report," snapped Jenny. "Six blue pyramids of varying sizes," said Lapinette. "Sounds like Ancient Aliens," said Jenny, "so is there any life?" "No visible life," said Lapinette. "Then it's a rather normal kind of place," quipped Jenny, scanning the horizon. She made out a dot and she knew it was Lapinette.  "Can you see a suitable spot?" Lapinette swooped towards the coast. "One klick east of the Unut," said Lapinette. "I see a road and a landing strip." "Land on the Unut," said Jenny. Lapinette had a thought. "What happened to the Wabbit?" Another signal intruded. "I hear everything."

4. Lapinette and the Jungle Inlet

Lapinette crawled out of her bunk and looked over the side. The Unut's engines had faded to a low thrum and she knew something had changed. The ship was still moving but incredibly slowly - and dense forest was on all sides. Loudspeakers carried the angry voice of the Wabbit. "All paws on deck. I won't have these plants on my bridge." Lapinette had no sea legs whatsever and even at this speed, the Unut's slight heave made her stomach spin. Lapinette shook her head and gasped in the humid air. A grinding crash from the bow shuddered along Unut's hull and Lapinette could hear the Wabbit's voice again. "Slow ahead, nice and easy, she''ll go through." Lapinette gazed down at what looked like a swamp. She watched bubbles swim to the surface and the smell of rotting vegetation made her stomach cramp. Inside her jacket, a radio crackled. "Lapinette to the helichopper bay, on the double." Now Lapinette looked up. She squinted her eyes in the strange light and thought she could make out giant teeth. All of a sudden the helichopper bay seemed like a good place to be. "On my way," she muttered to herself, and dodging clingy tendrils, she ducked back to her cabin to grab necessary supplies. "I don't like ships," she groaned as she headed to the aft deck. "But call me in on a day of trouble and I'll deliver."

3. The Wabbit & the Whale's Undertow

Neither the Wabbit nor Rabbit Jenny could do the slightest thing about what happened next. Thoth the Whale expanded to giant proportions and the undertow from his wake trapped both Lepus and Unut in a vice-like grip. The Wabbit looked at his instruments and shrugged and gave up as the Unut was hauled across the ocean. On the Lepus, Jenny tried fighting with controls but to no effect. But somehow, Thoth glided on the ocean surface like a hydrofoil. The Unut's video link sparked out, so the Wabbit looked away and tested the ship-to-ship radio to see if it was working. There was a whoosh from the speaker as if the sea had got into the circuits, but Jenny’s voice cut through like crystal. "We have to run with the whale, Commander."  "I hope he really knows where he’s going," sighed the Wabbit. Jenny’s eyes narrowed. "The Goddess Unut sent him?" "She tends to interfere," said the Wabbit. There was an awful noise as the hull of the Lepus rumbled then groaned. "Will she hold?" asked the Wabbit. "She’ll hold," said Jenny, "she’s been through worse." "Brecan’s Cauldron?" asked the Wabbit with a shudder. The radio whooshed but it couldn’t cover the clarity of Jenny’s voice. "I love to sail forbidden seas, and land on barbarous coasts." Now silence fell, except for the roaring of water past hull. "What can Wablantis look like?" murmured the Wabbit. "Ignorance is the mother of fear," responded Jenny. "Who’s the father?" smirked the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit and Ocean Turbulence

It was the Wabbit’s watch and he was looking forward to a quiet one. Dusk settled across the ocean and he relaxed and glanced at monitors and yawned. But he kept an eye on the progress of the Lepus and to break the monotony, occasionally spoke to Captain Rabbit Jenny on ship’s video. He was looking over to the Lepus and smiling to himself when he noticed the previously calm waters were a little disturbed. So he called Rabbit Jenny - but just as her face swam into view, something leapt from the sea with an incredible splash and made a series of low booming sounds and clicks. Foam spurted as the creature’s tail threshed. "I see it, Commander," said Jenny. "You could hardly miss it," said the Wabbit. "Hang on. It’s communicating with my bridge crew," said Jenny. "Do they speak whale?" asked the Wabbit. Jenny raised a paw. "We can decode the sounds. I’ll patch you through a translation." The Wabbit listened intently. "I am the Sea God!" boomed the whale, "and I am thrice great." "That sounds very familiar," thought the Wabbit and he spoke to the monitor. "Jenny, his name is Thoth. Confirm he is thrice great, or we’ll be here all day." Threshing tortured the water and casually sprayed both ships. "I am to assist you find the Lost Island of Wablantis." The Wabbit addressed Thoth directly. "Thoth, do you know where we’re going?" A jet of water shot in the air and a piercing wail shook the vessels. "I am thrice sure!" The Wabbit looked at Jenny in the monitor and shook his head and winked - and Jenny winked back.

1. The Wabbit and the Improvised Map

On the tiny dock of a little-known port, the Wabbit and Rabbit Jenny met prior to departure. "Our task is formidable," said the Wabbit. "So are we," said Rabbit Jenny the Pirate Chief. The Wabbit grinned and glanced at the scroll under his paw. "This should be of help." "It looks like map," said Jenny. "I made it myself using hearsay and tittle-tattle," said the Wabbit. Jenny's eyebrows fluttered and her lips were questions. "No-one really knows where Wablantis is," continued the Wabbit. "The Ghost Island?" frowned Jenny. "Few have seen it and lived to tell." The Wabbit looked surprised. "What else do you know?" "Those who land and seek treasure there can never leave." The Wabbit's fur stood on end. "We're not looking for treasure precisely." Jenny gripped the Wabbit's paw and he felt it tingle. "What are we looking for?" she murmured. "Another map," said the Wabbit. Jenny knew what was coming and made a wry smile. "That map will indicate the position of another object." "How did you know?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm a pirate," said Jenny. "But even so I don't know what the object is." "Neither do I," shrugged the Wabbit. Jenny swayed backwards and forwards as a pirate chief should. "We'll know when we find it." She turned to look at her ship. "It may not be down on any map, Commander." The Wabbit nodded. "True things never are."