The Wabbit encounters the poorly constructed Graffito

The Wabbit headed up the road at speed. With his bag of importantly important items on his back and wearing a toothsome grin, he gazed all around. He looked up and down and to each side to take in all his surroundings, because that was the way of the Wabbit. But then his eyes caught something that brought the Wabbit to a screeching halt. The Wabbit's exclamation was loud and echoed from the walls. “What is this blot on the escutcheon?” He had never been very sure what an escutcheon was, but he assumed it was something good, since it could be blotted. The Wabbit read to himself aloud. “Rabbit Racist” Then he repeated it and shook his head that there could be such a thing. The Wabbit welcomed all mammals irrespectively, unless they wished him some particular malice. He paced up and down and up and down, fretting and his back paws made a staccato sound on the road. It was only when he found himself complaining about the misplaced quotation marks that he realised the graffito didn’t say “Racist”. It said “Resist”. “Now that makes more sense,” said the Wabbit to himself. “But it should really end with an exclamation mark!” The Wabbit then made the appropriate correction with a red emergency marker that he kept in his bag - and loped onwards before anyone saw it was him.

The Wabbit runs into another Ancient Cat and gets a Package

The Wabbit reached the Largo di Torre Argentina with ease and didn't even have to cartwheel. "I'm looking for Antiqicat." said the Wabbit to the imposing cat on the wall. "Have you seen him?" "He's on sabbatical leave," said the cat. "You may, however speak to me with absolute confidence.”The Wabbit wondered whether all cats spoke in this ponderous manner, but then, he had a peculiar turn of phrase himself. "Apparently I have to pick so something up." "Wait here. I shall be back forthwith." The cat was gone and back in an instant. Dangling from her mouth like a kitten was a small sack made from a rag, which contained some objects. "What’s in the bag?" The Wabbit was impatient. "In this rag are a bone and a hank of hair," said the cat. “You must return these to the Home of the Standing Goddesses in Torino. The return of the objects is vital” "I'm sure. Now this would be where in Torino, exactly?" The Wabbit preferred more of the information and less of the enigma. "That is for me to know and you to find out," said the cat annoyingly. The Wabbit suddenly seized the bag with both paws and threw it in his own bag. Then he bad the cat adieu. And he just couldn't resist a small bow. If he had been wearing a hat, he would have doffed it. "Be seeing you!" he said and was gone.

The Wabbit gets winked at.

The Wabbit was in no great rush as he hopped from the station. But when he stopped in a quiet corner in the Piazza San Marco he felt the most peculiar sensation in his ears. Someone was staring at him. The Wabbit always knew when someone was looking at him. But in Rome, it could happen at any time. The Wabbit turned in the direction of the stare. "You look quite worn out," said the Wabbit. "It's because I've been staring so long. Hundreds and hundreds of years. You'd be worn out too." The staring statue seemed inclined to linger. The Wabbit put his paws behind his head. "Then why are are you winking?" "I wore out differentially. I have to keep a sense of humour about it. Otherwise I'd go off my head." The Wabbit was becoming tired of this banter and flopped exhausted in a heap. "Do you know what really gets in my hair?" The staring statue wasn't going to wait for an answer so the Wabbit stretched out. He had no particular timetable. "It's these people that pretend to be statues. What kind of activity is that? It's meaningless toil. And another thing, while I'm on the subject ..." The Wabbit broke in. " How do I get to Largo di Torre Argentina - where the cats live?" "Oh just keep going. You can't miss it. Although why anyone, especially a wabbit, should be interested I just can't imagine." But the statue was wasting its breath because the Wabbit had already gone. And as the Wabbit hopped he could hear a faint voice fading amongst the din of the traffic. " I stared at Audrey Hepburn once and so, do you know what I mean ... do you know? Do you?" The Wabbit hopped faster and faster and faster until he was certain he could hear no more.

The Wabbit gets off the Big Red Train

The Wabbit looked back as he hopped off the train in Rome Central. "Thank you Big Red Train, you saved my paws,” said the Wabbit to the driver. The driver was very busy but he waved to the Wabbit. “Too many people can see me still,” thought the Wabbit. But he didn’t mind really, because he was quite a friendly wabbit. He liked the Big Red Train. It could travel at 300 kilometres per hour, which was much faster than the Wabbit could ever go. Being on rails it couldn’t zig-zag like the Wabbit, although sometimes he thought it did its best. All the same, he could enjoy a salad sandwich in the buffet car and put his paws up for a while. The Wabbit paused on the platform and people hustled and bustled quickly past him with enormous bags. They certainly didn’t notice the Wabbit or much else for that matter. The Wabbit wasn’t quite sure what to do next. “Maybe I should visit my old haunts, but I don’t know,” thought the Wabbit. “I need to collect my thoughts.” Then he wondered what his thoughts would look like if they were collected in one place and all his fur stood on end. “That’s quite enough of that,” he said to himself. “I’m on a Roman holiday, just like that film with Audrey Hepburn.”So the Wabbit hopped off down the road. And as he did so he thought, “It must be fun to live in a place like this!”

The Wabbit is sent for R and R

“Sir! Pssst! Over here. By the fence.” The wabbit by the fence tried to get the Wabbit’s attention. “Sir! You got too used to your Super Glasses! I’m looking at you, Sir! Straight in the eye, Sir!” The Wabbit slapped his brow with a paw. Of course. He was after all, a wabbit. The wabbit by the fence continued. “La Guardia del Corpo Sir! Name of Contadino. Franco Contadino. At your service. Sir! The Wabbit for once was quite stuck for words. “I think I’ll have to pass the buck.” The Wabbit chortled to himself. “Stand easy and shave a carrot, Contadino.” The Wabbit thought he was well up on military terminology, but was usually wrong or hopelessly out of date. Together they hopped across the enclosure. Franco Contadino continued. “Your orders have arrived by wabbit courier, Sir. You have 72 R and R in Rome. Take the Big Red Train. Rome is 500 clicks south east, Sir.” The Wabbit grinned. “I do know where it is. And please stop calling me Sir. This is a Wabbit Run isn’t it? I have to pick something up?” “All in your papers Sir. Good luck Sir!” The Wabbit could hardly believe his luck. He tucked his papers into his bag, took one backwards glance and loped quickly along the Via Bardonecchia. He could only keep up his top speed of 70 kph for a little bit. And then he began to cart wheel. And the people that the Wabbit streaked past saw but a blur. But they could hear singing. Roma dove sei? Eri con me, oggi prigione tu, prigioniera io. And being Torinesi, they sadly shook their heads.

The Wabbit and the squeaky White Wabbits

The Wabbit hadn’t really disappeared. It was only a trick. He had used his special ears to make an extraordinary hop. So just around the corner he continued his investigation. “I will conduct a short case study,” said the Wabbit to himself. “These white wabbits will provide for an evidence- based enquiry.” The Wabbit wondered what other kind of enquiry there was but felt compelled to use official language for his report. “White wabbits! Might I enquire after your conditions?” Without looking up, the wabbits squeaked amongst themselves. “Who’s he? He sounds official,” squeaked one. “Better humour him,” squeaked the other. Then with their squeaky voices in perfect unison they both said, “We are well and have all we need. Would you like to see our double binkie?” That won’t be necessary,” said the Wabbit, with alarm. And what of Montgomery?” “He serves us well. He has secured us extra food, shelter, burrow material, walkways and a secure perimeter.” The white wabbits giggled squeakily. “Also, he has a rather good voice and sings in the evening.” Good grief,” smiled the Wabbit. “Things are better - or worse - than I thought.”

The Wabbit mees a Cousin from the Company

The Wabbit landed squarely on all four paws. His eyes narrowed behind his glasses and he tapped a hind leg rhythmically. "Well, well, well. If it isn't my long lost cousin, Montgomery Wabbitte. I haven’t seen your face since that unpleasantness at Rio Escondido.” The Wabbit's voice dripped with sarcasm. Montgomery Wabbitte's paws shook slightly "I'm a changed wabbit. In fact I'm no longer with the Company. I am now ..." Montgomery Wabbite hesitated, " ... a freelance wabbit. I've been helping these wabbits get themselves better living and playing conditions.” The Wabbit's demeanour became formal. “I am obliged to report back on this matter. How shall I mention your involvement?” Montgomery Wabbitte's reply was lightning fast. “Liaison Wabbit! I am liaising with the nearby market traders on vegetable provision.” The Wabbit shook his head and hissed through bared teeth. “Which presumably Montgomery, you do out the goodness of your little wabbit heart?” “ Expenses only, I am a fair wabbit,” smiled Montgomery Wabbitte. The Wabbit’s nose was now a millimetre away from the nose of Montgomery Wabbitte. “See to it. Montgomery. Because ... I’ll be back.” And with that, the Wabbit vanished. And no one saw where he went.

The Wabbit and the wabbits of Turin

After the Wabbit disembarked from the orange bus he found that Via Bardonecchia was a very long Via indeed. He hopped hither and thither from one side of the road to the other but the wabbits were nowhere to be seen. Suddenly he heard a voice calling to him. "They're right down there, Wabbit!" A woman from a pasticceria was pointing to a long fence. And there they were. The Wabbit knew he had reached the correct place, because in a field surrounded by a fence, there were mounds of earth and burrows and many, many wabbits. But they were all looking entirely the wrong way. "Wabbits of Turin!" The Wabbit shouted and yelled until his small lungs were sore."Oh, good grief," thought the Wabbit. "I can take no more. Special ears for me." So he focused and concentrated just on the tips of his ears. There was a whistling sort of a sound and a bit of a lurching and a crunching as the Wabbit rose, scattering dust on the road. He levitated until he was level with the fence. And then without further ado he started to glide back and forth. The wabbits slowly turned and gathered in a semi circle, looking at him critically. The Wabbit distinctly heard one of them say to another. "Just who does he think he is?" That was enough for the Wabbit. He put his paws behind his back, lifted himself upright and he told these wabbits exactly who he was, why he was there and why they should listen properly. Then one of them hopped very slowly towards him ...

The Wabbit establishes his local base ... and Sets Out

The Wabbit opened the shutters and looked out. His temporary Turin headquarters were servicable, central and interesting. He breathed a sigh of relief. There was time to consider his latest instructions. There was a briefing paper, bus tickets, a local map and a small pack of dried carrots, vitamins and pellets. He read the briefing with mounting excitement. He was to proceed to 190 Via Bardonecchia. There he was to assess the achievements of wabbits in the city. He must gather information, address the wabbits and report back. The location was some way off, but he could take an orange bus directly there. “That will save my paws,” thought the Wabbit. But would he find the enterprising wabbits? And what then? What on earth was he to say to the wabbits, when located? The Wabbit thought long and thought hard.” I will explain my mission, gently but firmly.” The Wabbit spoke to himself in a gentle yet firm manner. His bag was now quite full and he pulled it onto his back with a gasp. “Orange bus, orange bus.” The Wabbit reminded himself frequently and repeated his own instructions. Then both gently and firmly, the Wabbit loped to the end of the street and vanished in the direction of Porta Nuova station.

The Wabbit relaxes On Board

The Wabbit had successfully negotiated the perils of the airport and was safely on board the giant winged bus. After a long and rather snuggly nap, he nestled in his seat by the window and looked down on a strange scene. This, the Wabbit knew, was the very place where his secret helpers lived. A group of aristocratic, libertarian wabbits who lived in the Alps had sent the Wabbit a coded message, but he was far too far away to see them. It looked very cold there. “Oh brrrr!” The Wabbit shivered and startled the kindly steward who was offering him a salad sandwich. The Wabbit knew from his map that he was near his destination. “My good woman,” enquired the Wabbit. “Pray, how long before we reach the terminus?” The Wabbit always spoke in a strange fashion when on mission. He just couldn’t help it. “In 30 minutes, Wabbit. Your bag and emergency items have been specially processed. You may pick them up immediately on landing. Please go to Special Lounge W and present your credentials ” The Wabbit settled back and nibbled his salad. “So far, so good,” thought the Wabbit.

The Wabbit looks at his Mission Papers

The Wabbit's papers had duly arrived and now the Wabbit knew where his mission would take him. A special communication device had arrived too and a wabbit-pen for making the most extensive notes. The Wabbit certainly appreciated the personalisation and was growing very fond of his makeover. He looked at the map through his magnifying glass (also provided). The map book was large and the paper rather thick and glossy. So the Wabbit was pleased that he didn't have to eat the whole thing this time. The Wabbit crunched on his carrot and studied the map carefully because he was not that familiar with his destination city. Carrots helped him concentrate as long as they were of good quality and not genetically modified. Crunch, crunch, crunch munched the Wabbit. Think, think, think thought the Wabbit. The only thing that the Wabbit didn't know was the precise nature of the mission itself. This information was to arrive under separate cover. The Wabbit thought it might be something to do with the social exclusion of Wabbits but he was only guessing. The Wabbit was intrigued. He sat up on his hind legs and addressed the room. "My name is Wabbit. The Wabbit. You must take my word for it." The Wabbit smiled that 28 tooth smile of his and polished his emergency lighter.

The Wabbit gets wind of an Important Communication

The Wabbit had become very frustrated waiting for his mission papers. He had taken to following the postman around the neighbourhood, dodging his wheels, his massive bag and his inclination to park on top of the Wabbit. Of course, he could not see the Wabbit so the Wabbit wished him no particular harm. Then the Wabbit saw the bike without the postman, so he hopped up to have long look at his bag. Perhaps there would be mail for the Wabbit peeping out the top. The Wabbit stared and stared. And then he had the most curious sensation. He could see into the sack! The Wabbit thought about it. "It must be my new super-glasses," he thought. The Wabbit levitated with his new ears until he was level with the bag and then he concentrated very hard indeed. Inside the bag was the faint outline of a Manila envelope addressed to the Wabbit and labeled Highly Confidential - Wabbits Only. The Wabbit scrunched up his eyes, but he was at the limit of his vision. Down went the Wabbit, making a faint whoosh as he landed. The Wabbit longed to take the envelope, which after all, was his mail. Then the Wabbit had an ethical fit. "It will arrive in the proper manner and I will open it in the same way," pronounced the Wabbit, grandly. And then he groaned. "Sometimes," muttered the Wabbit, "I'm one boring wabbit, indeed."

The Wabbit gets a Super Makeover

The Wabbit had received preliminary protocols for his mission. And the first of these protocols, was a makeover. The Wabbit sat back on his haunches and inspected the makeover pack. The Committee of Experts had cleverly awarded the assignment to renowned artist, Clari Csuk. "Most impressive," thought the Wabbit. He sat in front of the portrait and chattered his teeth for a whole minute. "Most impressive indeed!" The information that accompanied the makeover pack indicated that Clari's SuperWabbit design incorporated special features. The glasses were to help remove the Wabbit's blind spot (the Wabbit concentrated on the edges of his vision much too much). The tall ears were ultra special state-of-the-art ears. They allowed the Wabbit to levitate slightly and then hover for a bit. The Wabbit did not really know why that was necessary but he did think it would be the most terrific fun! Especially if he met the sinister agents of Rabit. The design also included emergency music and shelter accessories. But the nicest touch, thought the Wabbit, was his slogan, The Mysterious Wabbit is a Wobbly Wabbit. The reason for his nickname was a very long story, which the Wabbit decided to demonstrate. He gave a first try to his ears. shot a full metre in the air, then hovered in a more or less stable fashion. "Woah. Needs practice," thought the Wabbit and landed perfectly on all fours. "I am still the same Wabbit of course," said the Wabbit, adjusting his special glasses carefully and levitating a bit. Then he hopped off in his perfectly usual way