Sunday, September 18, 2011

1. The Wabbit and the Strange Occurrence

It was a sunny Monday morning and the Wabbit was waiting when suddenly Skratch hove into sight with Puma in tow. "Who's that woman?" said the Wabbit. "She's not with us," replied Skratch. "Why am I here?" asked the Wabbit. "To discuss a strange occurrence near my residence," said Puma. The Wabbit pondered and asked himself what kind of occurrence would be strange to a Puma. He looked at the two felines for a moment. "Let's get a snack in the pet shop and consider it," he said in a kindly fashion. Skratch the Cat Burglar disappeared into to the pet shop and reappeared directly, bearing snacks. There was a lot of rustling as they all tucked in. "So," said the Wabbit, when the sounds of munching ceased. "The Strange Occurrence." "Down by the river, where I prowl," said the Puma, "there is a routine gathering." "Tuesdays at eleven," said Skratch. "And what is the nature of this gathering?" asked the Wabbit. "People go hither and thither and exchange things in a flurry," said Skratch. "It’s dubious." "Definitely, if you say so Skratch," said the Wabbit. "Then suddenly they’re gone as if they were never there," growled Puma. "I'll meet you here tomorrow at breakfast," sugggested the Wabbit, "and we shall conduct surveillance." "OK," said the Puma. "Do you know that woman hasn't moved? Do you think she's a spy?" "No," said the Wabbit. "You're lying on her feet."

Friday, September 16, 2011

The Wabbit Helps Out

"I know this place," muttered the Wabbit as he trundled with ease into the forest glade behind the abandoned hospital. He hauled on the brakes, gunned the throttle, cut the engine, and jumped out. "The Wabbit can speak Puma," said Ghost Bunny. "He took an evening class," said Lapinette. "That's the man, that's him," growled the Puma. "What man?" asked the Wabbit. "The one who put me in a cage. Him. Let me at him," spat the Puma "I'll give that insolent fellow what he's been asking for!" The Wabbit looked round at a cowering figure in the forestry wagon. "Oh him," said the Wabbit. "He's on my list." "Your list?" said Lapinette. "The Wabbit has a very long list," whispered Ghost Bunny. "I'll bet," said Lapinette. "What is to be done?" asked the Wabbit of the Puma. "Grrrrr," growled the Puma. "Do you have a pistol?" "It's in my other coat," said the Wabbit," "I will use my bare paws," said the Puma. "I have a better idea," said the Wabbit. "We will send him on a course." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and put her paws on her hips. The Wabbit looked back innocently. Then he grinned a most sinister grin with all of his 28 teeth. ""Accommodating Diversity 101," said the Wabbit.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Wabbit has Company

Whatever button the Wabbit pushed, it propelled the vehicle down the Via Nizza at a considerable pace. So the Wabbit settled in. He had fun on the interchange at Carducci, swung left over the railway line and headed across the city. The Wabbit noticed people scatter in his path. "This is the way to travel," said the Wabbit and he gave the Manitou more throttle. He had just reached Corso Svizzera when he heard a wailing sound behind him. "Oh no, I've got company," sighed the Wabbit looking at a police car in his mirror. He suddenly threw the Manitou into the tram lane. "I'll lose him at the junction," thought the Wabbit, "if I can just get in front of that tram." The Wabbit swung in and out but so did the police car. Then he swerved around three cars, a motorbike and a strange three-wheeler that he had never seen before. But the police car got closer and closer until finally it managed to pull alongside. The two vehicles locked together and they travelled quickly together for some time until the Wabbit realised that the policemen were shouting something. "Commander Wabbit, Commander Wabbit!" He could just hear the words above the roar of his engine. The Wabbit glanced down at the police car. "We're your escort," shouted a policeman. "This will cost me several lunches," grimaced the Wabbit.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Wabbit and the Manitou Handler

The Wabbit wasn't so far away from Ghost Bunny and Lapinette and he was indeed on his way to a market for an unobtainable music album. But to his immense pleasure he had noticed an emergency vehicle exhibition. They were just setting up, so the Wabbit felt free to hop around. He hopped and poked and poked and hopped, but his eyes were inexorably drawn to an interesting piece of equipment. "Oh what's this?" thought the Wabbit and hopped up on a telescopic handler. "Most serviceable and pretty too," murmured the Wabbit. He squinted through the window and was assessing the levers and buttons when he heard his communication device squeal. "Hello," said the Wabbit cautiously, pretending he wasn't really there. "Oh it’s you Lap. Yes. Yes." There was a longish pause while the Wabbit listened. "I can. Yes I have a vehicle." Lapinette's urgent voice trilled from the phone. "Of course I have permission. Oh all right, I'll ask." The Wabbit looked all around and he could see no one. "May I borrow the vehicle?" bellowed the Wabbit. "I won't be a tick." Answer came there none, so the Wabbit squeezed inside and looked at the dashboard. "The phone squealed again and the Wabbit answered. "Yes I have. Yes. Buttons. Yes. I will take care." The Wabbit terminated the call and looked at the buttons. "Two red, two green, two black," he mused."I'll start with that red one."

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Wabbit Said

Ghost Bunny performed a daring exhibition swoop and hovered down beside the outstretched arms of Lapinette. "Have you finally decided to hang around at the abandoned hospital?" asked Lapinette. "Yes," said Ghost Bunny. "Isn't it dull?" Lapinette questioned. "The Wabbit says it's cool," said Ghost Bunny. "The Wabbit would," Lapinette retorted. "Where is he anyway?" asked Ghost Bunny. "He's probably hopping a market, looking for some unobtainable music album," sighed Lapinette "I could find it immediately," said Ghost Bunny. "No fun," murmured Lapinette. There was a very long pause and there seemed to be no sound from anywhere. "You're sure it's not too quiet," asked Lapinette suddenly. "No, sometimes builders come to removate the building and I haunt them mercilessly," said Ghost Bunny. "I retune their radio to a station the Wabbit likes." "Oh really," said Lapinette. "They complained there was a ghost," said Ghost Bunny. "There was," retorted Lapinette." "Well, now they're getting double pay every time they come," said Ghost Bunny with triumph. "The Wabbit said they would." she added. "The Wabbit says a lot of things," said Lapinette. There was another silence. "Won't you miss Pluto?" said Lapinette. "It's all about location," said Ghost Bunny. "Who told you that?" queried Lapinette. "The Wabbit," said Ghost Bunny.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

The Wabbit Proposes A Toast

The four were impatiently waiting on dinner and the Wabbit rose to propose a toast. Lapinette rapped on the table for attention and implored Ghost Bunny to stop haunting the tourists. "You've changed your fur," said the Big Blue Snail. "I have," said the Wabbit. "Where do you get a new coat of fur?" asked the Snail. "I go to Clari's of Winchester," said the Wabbit proudly. "That's a long way to go for fur," said the Snail and he snorted. "Every single time, he orders a new set of special fur compartments for hoarding," sighed Lapinette. "It's not hoarding, it's a creative storage solution," said the Wabbit and he smiled a sinister smile. "Ghost Bunny, will you please stop frightening the diners," shouted Lapinette. "Oh, it's my signature haunt too," sulked Ghost Bunny and fluttered. "Fellow Wabbits," began the Wabbit formally. "I'm not a Wabbit!" said the Snail. "... and Gastropods," continued the Wabbit. "Congratulations on a mission well accomplished. The Skuttles are locked away and the good people of Piemonte can sleep peacefully tonight." "Who has the doubtful pleasure of holding the the Skuttles?" enquired Lapinette. "InterWab," said the Wabbit and made a face. Lapinette grimaced and shook her ears. "They couldn't hold a carrrot," said Lapinette.

Friday, September 09, 2011

The Wabbit: Once upon a Time in Piemonte

The Snail stoppped nibbling his grapes and cleared his throat. "I believe," he said ponderously, "that it is the custom at this juncture to enquire what kind of adventure that was." "We usually leave that for the after-adventure dinner," said Lapinette. "Nom nom," said the Snail with glee. "It was a Spaghetti Western," said Ghost Bunny. Everyone turned to look at her. "Woooh woo woooooo," she moaned in an Ennio Morricone fashion. This met with blank faces and Ghost Bunny realised she was getting nowhere. "My Name is Nobody," she added and fluttered up and down. "No it's not," said the Wabbit with a straight face. "High Plains Ghost Bunny?" asked Lapinette. "The Good the Bad and the Snuggly," said the Wabbit, brushing his fur and looking at Lapinette. "The Ruthless Four," said the Snail. There was a general murmuring of approval and mutual congratulation. "What next?" said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit lifted his harmonica, tapped it against his a paw and said, "Wabbit with a Harmonica." He lifted the harmonica to his lips once more and let forth a drawn out wail that moaned its way across the fields and ruffled the crops. Then he let out another one much longer than the first. Everyone's fur stood on end except for the Big Blue Snail who had none. "We needed a soundtrack," said the Wabbit.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

The Pied Wabbit of Casorzo

It was a plan that the Wabbit thought might just work. He rummaged in his fur for something he hadn't used in a while. Eventually he found his ageing harmonica and he blew a little dust from the mouthpiece and raised it to his lips. The harmonica wailed long and plaintively then set up a slow blues pace while the Wabbit's powerful rear leg beat a tough rhythm on the tanker that the Skuttles couldn't ignore. They jolted around and made straight for the wine tanker and their legs flailed in drunkenness. "Oh we've got some wine, you can have some too," sang the Wabbit." "Woo hoo," trilled Lapinette, "Woo hoo," echoed Ghost Bunny." The Wabbit's harmonica cried and moaned as the Skuttles rushed straight past him in a frenzy. "We've got more in the tanker and it's all for you," sang the Wabbit. "For you," chirped Lapinette. "So true!" sang the Big Blue Snail melodically in the distance. The Skuttles swerved and squeezed into the tanker, making strange slurping and booming sounds. The more wine they drank the more room there was for Skuttles. And when the last Skuttle went inside the Wabbit slammed the hatch shut and locked it. Then he rapped a short rhythm on the tank with his paws. Lapinette turned to the Wabbit and smiled. The Wabbit smiled back. "Never give a Skuttle an even break," said the Wabbit.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

The Wabbit pulls the Plugs

The Wabbit loped rapidly to the Cantina on the corner and as he loped he could hear the thud thud of Lapinette's automatic in the distance. He screeched to a halt and launched a kick at the levers that he knew would release the wine to the hungry horde of Skuttles close on his tail. Nothing happened at first, but the Wabbit was accustomed to the way of levers. He hummed a little tune as the pipe began to drip. Then wine spurted and gurgled and finally gushed out in torrents. The Skuttles stopped dead and gathered all around, guzzling at the ever-widening pool. As they drank, they made strange gutteral honks and their jaws enlarged so that they could drink even more wine. "Compliments of the house," muttered the Wabbit and bared his 28 teeth. The Skuttles paid little attention and they drank and drank and drank. Then to the Wabbit's astonishment they threw up their distended heads and began to sing with shrill voices. "Drinkin`Wine Spo-De-O-De Drinkin Wine, Drinkin Wine Spo-De-O-De!" And then they looked at each other and started drinking again. Gunfire had abated and the Wabbit could hear the sporadic sounds of Lapinette mopping up rogue Skuttles. And then with a flash of clarity, the Wabbit knew what to do next. "Vino Skuttles, 2011," he mused.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

The Wabbits United (will never be defeated)

The sun was splitting the trees and it beat mercilessly down on the Wabbit and Lapinette as they hopped straight into an ambush. But the Skuttles cast no shadow and they chittered menacingly as they bore down on their prey. The Wabbit hopped high in the air and rapidly took from his fur his emergency automatic, tossing it with lightning speed to a waiting Lapinette. She grabbed it and blasted the Skuttles right and left. But the more she blasted, the more Skuttles there seemed to be. "They're replicating," shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit threw a spare clip to Lapinette and punched a Skuttle on what he assumed to be his nose. "They've got to have a weak point," yelled the Wabbit. "They've got lots of points and none of them are good," Lapinette shouted back. "Watch that one! Oooooh," The Wabbit gasped as a large Skuttle took several rounds from Lapinette's flaming automatic, gurgled and crashed on his side. "I know their weak point," yelled Lapinette. "Do tell!" shouted the Wabbit. "Wine! Wine. It's wine," yelled Lapinette. "Shall I tell them we have some?" shouted the Wabbit. "The Cantina," shouted Lapinette through gritted teeth."Oh yes," muttered the Wabbit and kicked a Skuttle in passing. "I'm on it." "Have you more ammunition?" shouted Lapinette. "Oh yes," said the Wabbit and took three more clips from his fur. "How much stuff have you got in your fur?" called Lapinette after the Wabbit. The Wabbit took a library book from his fur and hit an incoming Skuttle over the head. "Enough to cover emergencies," said the Wabbit.

Monday, September 05, 2011

The Wabbit watches the Plan Executed

From behind the sunflowers, the Wabbit and Lapinette watched as the plan was swiftly executed. The Skuttles made a hideous chattering sound as they gyrated along the country path and the Wabbit had to smile. "My emergency coin on the big fellow to win," said the Wabbit cheerfully. "My money's on Ghost Bunny," said Lapinette approvingly. "Not fair," said the Wabbit and pointed. "That one bounced off Snail," giggled Lapinette. "We'd better not be complacent," said the Wabbit. "They're cunning and no mistake. Let's circle round." Lapinette signalled to Snail and he nodded as his longer antennae kept a watchful eye on the Skuttles. "Look," said the Wabbit. A Skuttle made a break to the side but a stream of slime oozed into the Skuttle's path. The Skuttle dragged to unstick it's feet and it skittered and chittered loudly as it struggled back onto the path. ""Gotcha," drawled the Snail. Lapinette signalled to Ghost Bunny who moaned a drawn out banshee wail that so frightened the Skuttles that their many spines stood up and whirled around. "Good grief," said the Wabbit, who's fur had also stood on end. "I lost my bet." "Lets head for their base," said Lapinette. "What then?" asked the Wabbit. "Well you're the ideas Wabbit," said Lapinette. "I am," said the Wabbit.

Sunday, September 04, 2011

The Wabbit and the Strange Case of the Wine Thieves

"What are they?" whispered the Snail. "They're Skuttles!" said the hushed voice of the Wabbit. "What's a Skuttle?" asked Ghost Bunny. "It's a creature that feeds on industrial quantities of wine," said Lapinette softly. "It's like a hedgehog and it's been genetically modified." "They are cunning and ruthless and busy," said the Wabbit. "And they have lorries," he added and muttered. Everyone strained to hear. "They drive by night!" he said grimly. "Do they?" said Lapinette. "They must," said the Wabbit. "You never see them drive by day." "True," agreed Lapinette. The Wabbit continued. "Yet they transport tons of produce to feed their voracious appetites," he said in dismay. "I'm hungry," said the Snail." "Eat some grapes," said the Wabbit. "Our plan is to lure them through the fields to their own base," explained Lapinette. "How will we do that?" enquired Ghost Bunny. "Shall I go up there and frighten them down here?" "Can you make yourself invisible?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm a ghost," said Ghost Bunny. "Frighten them up and down the vineyard. Keep them moving then scare them back down here," said Lapinette. "When they get here, Snail, you block their path so that they have to make a right turn, down that road there." "What then?" asked Ghost Bunny. "We'll head 'em off at the pass," said the Wabbit.

Saturday, September 03, 2011

The Wabbit Loops the Loop

"Lapinette to Wabbit Air Control. Over," said Lapinette. The speaker crackled "Reading you Lapinette. Your heading?" "Casorzo, Piemonte. ETA 30 minutes," replied Lapinette. "Two supernumeraries on board." "We know," crackled Air Control. "If they know everything, they already know where we're going," muttered the Wabbit. "Protocol," said Lapinette. "This helichopper has a rigid rotor head, doesn't it?" said the Wabbit suddenly. "A modification I insisted upon," said Lapinette. "During commissioning," she added firmly. "Oh good, give me the controls," said the Wabbit. "I'm not sure this is wise," said Lapinette, handing over. "Trust me," said the Wabbit and disconnected a servo cord from the base of the joystick. The Snail, who was comfortably installed in the cargo space, groaned audibly. The Wabbit grinned and threw the helichopper into a vertical climb. The blades struggled for grip as the Wabbit looped backwards through a full 360 degrees. "Frighten!" yelled Ghost Bunny, free falling through the cabin. "Where did you learn to do that?" asked Lapinette. "Girl Guides Air Arm," said the Wabbit. "You were in the Girl Guides?" said the Snail. "Oh yes," said the Wabbit. "What happened," said Lapinette. "They threw me out," murmured the Wabbit through gritted teeth. "What for?" said the Snail. "For doing this," said the Wabbit and they all yelled as he yanked back the joystick.

Friday, September 02, 2011

The Wabbit's transport arrives

The Wabbit and the Snail and Ghost Bunny were the last to leave the Fiat Café. "I can hear your helichopper," said the Big Blue Snail. "It can't be, that's Lovely Lapinette over there," whispered Ghost Bunny. "Lapinette!" cried the Wabbit, hopping up and down. "Who's flying the helichopper?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette waved her brolly. "It's remote control. Very new, very hush-hush." "As a Commander, I have wabbit-1 clearance." said the Wabbit examining the brolly grip closely. "Oh buttons! That red one there. Can I press it?" "No!" shouted everyone with one voice. "This is Big Blue," introduced the Wabbit. "I know," said Lapinette."We have a file on you." "Excellent," said the Snail. "And I believe there are meetings." added Lapinette sweetly. "Splendid," said the Snail and waggled his antennae. "What did you do on your leave?" asked Lapinette of the Wabbit. "Nothing much really, Just going around." said the Wabbit and grinned. "That's not what I heard," said Lapinette. "There's a file about my leave?" said the Wabbit. "Everything," said Lapinette. "With pictures?" said the Wabbit. "Of course," said Lapinette. "Can we order prints?" asked the Wabbit.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

The Wabbit back in the Fiat Café

The Wabbit, the Big Blue Snail and Ghost Bunny had all repaired to the Fiat Café for a nourishing bite to eat. But the Wabbit was thoughtful. "What's up, Wabbit?" asked the Big Blue Snail. "Oh sorry," said the Wabbit. "Usually my beloved Lapinette would be here." The Wabbit sighed and stared at the table. The Snail whispered to Ghost Bunny. "What's she like?" "She's lovely and flies a helichopper," breathed Ghost Bunny and fluttered. "Cheer up Wabbit," said the Snail. "Lets drink a toast to Lapinette!" And they all drank a toast and said what a pity and wouldn't she enjoy herself if she was here. And very soon they were discussing everything they had seen and heard in the city. The Wabbit paused. "Soon," he said, "I will be going on an importantly important misssion." "Do tell!" said Ghost Bunny. "Very hush-hush I'm afraid, but Lapinette will be picking me up in her helichopper," said the Wabbit and plumped up his fur. "Can I come?" asked Ghost Bunny?" "Me too," said the Big Blue snail, "I can act as a look-out." "I will frighten intruders witless," said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit grinned a big 28 tooth grin. "I appoint you my special duty agents," he said. "When do we frighteningly leave?" asked Ghost Bunny. "When the Café runs out of carrot aperitivi," said the Wabbit.