5. Skratch and the Ailing Power Unit

Skratch the Cat boarded the Ice Mice vessel easily. The door slid back with a pssst sound and he stepped on board. He could see what might be a power unit, but one thing was for sure. It wasn't working. Occasionally it bleeped and flashed but the bleep was tired and the illumination faint. "What can I do for you in your time of need?" meaowed Skratch. "It doesn't work," moaned an ice mouse. "What's wrong with it?" asked Skratch. "We don't know. No-one knows how to repair it," said another ice mouse. "Where's your engineer?" said Skratch. The ice mice wailed together. "We don't have one." Skratch sighed and complained about modern times. "Can you fix it?" asked an ice mouse. Skratch strode forward and kicked it viciously. The unit croaked loudly and a red light came on. "All is not lost," murmured Skratch. He took a can of WD40 and sprayed it in every crevice he could find. Then he kicked the unit again. It started to hum and the light began to pulse. "Aha," said Skratch. He located what looked like a switch, switched it off, then back on. A cooling fan chattered. Lights flickered in an ordered sequence. A robotic voice spoke. "System restored. Please enter your password." Skratch looked at the ice mice and they both shrugged. Skratch screeched long and hard. But he found the keyboard and typed "p a s s w o r d". The unit spoke again. "Booting full power. Have a nice day." The ice mice were delighted and they ran to hug Skratch, but he brought them up short. "That will be 180 QUID," he meaowed.
[QUID is a proposed space currency. The QuasiUniversal Intergalactic Denomination.]

4. The Wabbit and the Strange Request

Quantum pulled away from the unknown forces and reached space - but only on push power. "Lattice Drive just won't engage," said Skratch the Cat from the engine room. They were stuck. Now Quantum's voice crackled across the speakers. "Behind you!" A green shadow fell across Quantum's bodywork. "It's the enemy. It's the Ice Mice!" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit expected fire and he flinched. "Shields up!" he yelled. "I'm a train," said Quantum, "not a Klingon Bird of Prey." But it didn't matter, nothing happened. The ship just stayed there. "They're making me nervous," said the Wabbit. "OK, I'll open a channel," said Quantum. His voice boomed over the public address system. "Ridiculous green saucer, please identify yourself and state the nature of your business." Dead silence. "Try short wave," suggested Wabsworth. The Wabbit plunged a paw in his fur and pulled out a walkie talkie. He struck it three times for good luck and hissed, "We can see you, Saucer. Whadda ya hear, whadda ya say?" At first there was nothing except static. Then the radio whined. "This is the Ice Mice. We're stuck. Have you got a mechanic?" Lapinette burst out laughing. The radio whined again. "It's not funny." The Wabbit called the engine room. "Skratch, would you like a job?" They heard a long feline screech from Skratch. "I don't do rodent control."
[Short waves and other frequencies transmit through space. You can even talk to the space station.]

3. The Wabbit and the Dragon's Flames

The jump was shorter than expected and they all looked out to see the Alps swirling in a spiral. Terni the Food Dragon emerged from the south and flew directly in front. They could hear his cabbage wings flapping, even at this altitude. "What gives?" muttered the Wabbit. "What happened to Lattice Drive?" asked Lapinette. Skratch's voice crackled from the intercom. "Best we can do, Commander." Then Terni chimed in. "Everything is swirling," he roared, "I just got ahead of it." Quantum's engines shuddered, entangled in forces that no-one understood. "I'm going to the engine room," said the Wabbit. He vanished. Lapinette spoke to Terni. "Any ideas?" They were going round in circles and dropping in altitude. Terni flew under Quantum and spread his wings as far as they would go. It seemed to help. Quantum lifted and the grip of the swirling spiral loosened. Lapinette clapped her paws in glee. The Wabbit reappeared. "Something worked," he grimaced. Lapinette nodded at the window. The Wabbit watched in astonishment as Terni's wings drove them higher. "What is this? Game of Thrones?" "All we need are flames," said Lapinette. In an instant Terni created a sea of flame that pushed Quantum higher. "We have full power!" yelled Skratch. The Wabbit signalled to Terni. "Better come aboard. Things are a little too quiet around here."

2. The Wabbit and the Quantum Lift Off

The Wabbit and Lapinette raced across the city. They figured off-planet was a good place to be and they were relieved to find Quantum the Time Travelling Train ready and waiting. They scrambled aboard. Quantum seemed to have a clue about what was happening. "No sign of life, Commander."  "Nary a thing," said the Wabbit. "Nothing moves across the whole city," confirmed Lapinette. Quantum's engines came to life. The train vibrated. "What about the team?" asked Lapinette. "Skratch and Wabsworth are in the engine room," said Quantum, "and the rest are in the restaurant car." The train shuddered and lifted. The intercom crackled. "Engaging Lattice Drive," said Skratch. Nothing happened. The train hung a meter from the ground. The Wabbit and Lapinette looked out and down. The ground danced and swirled in circles. "I'll shoot it!" yelled the Wabbit. "That's your answer to everything," said Lapinette. Skratch's voice crackled. "Why don't you try, Commander?" The Wabbit fired a single shot at the ground. Quantum shook and pulled upwards. "Again," said Skratch. The Wabbit fired again. The swirls spread. The force weakened. "Get your heads back in the cab, you two," said Quantum, "or you'll be pulled into the space time continuum." "Does it have a bar?" asked the Wabbit. Engines throbbed. The train shook. There was a flash. If anyone could have watched they would have seen a big red train dissolve into pixels - and vanish.

1. The Wabbit and the Way to Look

Lapinette caught up with the Wabbit in Via Montebello outside the Lounge Bar Gilda. He was staring intently at a sign on the wall. Then he would turn and look in the opposite direction. After a while he would look back. She tapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Between missions ennui?" she asked. "Hello Lapinette," replied the Wabbit but he kept staring. Lapinette giggled. "If you're wondering how to look in the right direction, then look at me." The Wabbit turned and embraced Lapinette. Lapinette looked over his shoulder at the sign. "Someone of a philosophical turn of mind?" The Wabbit shrugged. "I thought Wrong Direction might be a song." "Or a band," laughed Lapinette. The Wabbit laughed and laughed. "Lapinette, if I look away from the sign, I receive no further instruction. There are too many directions to choose from." Lapinette pirouetted. "What if we both look away from it at the same time?" "OK," said the Wabbit. They turned and together they looked up the street, then at the other side, then the other way. The ground suddenly shook and they clutched each other for support. The shaking stopped. Now everything was silent and still - no traffic noise, no conversations, nothing. "What happened?" asked Lapinette. "Felt like an earthquake," said the Wabbit. "But where is everyone?" said Lapinette. "Gone!" gasped the Wabbit.

The Wabbit at his Adventure Caffè

The team gathered at a caffè on Via Po. It was very quiet. Normally Via Po hustled and bustled - so they were pleased to find a space at a basic caffè, knowing that often they were the best. The Wabbit and Lapinette were first. Before long they heard frantic sounds. Skratch's meaows could be extremely loud and they bounced like bad cheques along the porticos. "What was that for a sort of adventure you just had?" Lapinette turned and meaowed back. "You tell us, Skratch. It's your job." Wabsworth jumped from a tram and stuck his head round a pillar. "I'll tell you if you like!"  The Wabbit waved for everyone to sit down and he called for drinks. Despite his android nature, Wabsworth was in a cheerful mood. "It was strictly comedy and driven by expectation." Skratch grinned an encouraging grin. "The audience feels superior because it knows the introduction of a banana to the plot is automatically funny." Lapinette raised a paw. "The audience recognises the incongruity of the banana as a sign. The banana stands for light hearted madness."  Skratch meaowed long and hard. "The banana is the essence of genial abnormality." The Wabbit gave him a meaningful look. "But what about the vague allusions to the Banana Boat Song?" Skratch laughed. "References to the idiocy of cultural appropriation." The Wabbit nodded gravely. "That's something that drives me bananas."
[Thanks to :  HumorMechanisms in Film Comedy: Incongruity and Superiority, Jeroen Vandaele, Poetics Today, 23:2, CETRA, Leuven]

6. The Wabbit and the Spider's Banana

The Wabbit and Lapinette chased across the city in pursuit of the banana and it brought them right back to Pluto Park. Just when they thought they'd cornered it, it kept slipping from their grasp. It ran them ragged across the whole place and when things finally looked like success, they were exhausted. The banana however remained unflustered. "Where's Duetta?" yelled Lapinette. "I'm here," said a voice. Marshall Duetta Spyder rounded a corner and watched with amusement. "That's my banana!" Duetta rattled her legs. The banana danced wildly in the air. Lapinette made one last attempt to grasp it, but there was no need because the banana settled on one of Duetta's legs. Then Duetta began to sing a song. "Well I'm loadin' de banana boat all night long." The banana sung too. "Dah dah light and me wan' go home." Duetta rattled and responded. "When I get some money, gonna quit so soon," he sang. The banana stretched, relaxed and went to sleep. Lapinette gazed at the sight. "Your banana?" Duetta hissed and cackled. "Every spider should have a banana." The Wabbit tried to sound stern. "That banana caused a lot of trouble." Duetta shuffled to the side and back again. "OK. I'll take responsibility for the fruit." "You better had," said Lapinette, "he's driven us bananas." The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "Now I feel like going on a bender. So let's split."