5. The Wabbit and the Euclidean Mob

The Wabbit was on his way to a strategic planning meeting to discuss the contents of his dream. In fact, they all were - but the Wabbit was first. He got up early and proceeded along Via Accademia Albertina with speed. But just as he got past Piazza Carlo Emanuele II he met with the advance guard of the Euclidean Faction - they were sharpies armed to the teeth and as noisy as a cave of bats. The metal knives clacked together like an angry medieval mob. Planes fired a series of sharp pencils at his ears. Worse still they launched a football from their midst. The Wabbit knew deep down in his gut that the football was more than that. "A bomb more than likely," he thought, and he took to his heels. But the faster he scampered, the faster they went. He kept his eyes on the front. To his relief he saw Wabsworth and Lapinette running towards him. They had a grappling device and were ready to throw it across the road. The Wabbit thought fast. It would take care of the sharpies but not the planes. He heard the familiar sound of a biplane. "Susan!" Everything seemed to be sorted - but could he get away in time? There was nothing left but to dive on top of the ball. Bomb or not, he had little option. He jumped astride, waving everyone away. He sailed past Wabsworth and Lapinette then jumped from the ball. It carried on until the open space of the skateboard park. He heard a crump, saw the flash. He was relieved. "No skateboarders this early," he shrugged. The stinger hit the road. Netting descended on the planes. "So far so good," thought the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit and a dream of Apple Pies

That night the Wabbit had an extraordinary dream. He was floating in Space near one of Jupiter's moons - and there with him were Wabsworth, Lapinette and three apple pies. They each had a pie. Wabsworth seemed the most astonished and he reached out a paw to touch it the pie. He could see Lapinette doing her best to keep clear of the apple. Her antipathy for fruit was well known and her feet flailed around. In fact, she was having the self-same dream. She wrinkled her nose as she saw the Wabbit floating on his back over a massive apple pie. Wabsworth was an android and chanced to use his dreaming sub routine. He found himself stepping in a chunky apple pie which he recognised from the Wabbit's memory banks. He prodded it. It was then he noticed a familiar symbol, lurking in the background. They all gasped pi at the same time. Pi in the sky!" muttered the Wabbit. Even though it was a dream, he chuckled to himself. Wabsworth prodded the apple again. "Sir Cumference," he laughed. "that's the fattest knight." Lapinette managed to drag her feet clear of the pie. "I draw the line at apple," she said. The Wabbit's mind was working overtime. "Pi repeats itself." He said as much in his dream. Wabsworth and the Wabbit and Lapinette all woke up at the same time. They knew the dream had been telling them something and they got to work with pencil and paper and fancy calculators. Wabsworth made an intuitive leap. "Squaring the Circle!" Lapinette was thinking too. "Pi is transcendental." But it was the Wabbit that got to the answer first. "This is an attack by the Euclidean Faction!" It was well known that the Faction had given up on mainstream mathematics and taken to armed geometry. So it could be no-one else ...

3. Lapinette and the Circles of Confusion

Lapinette made her way along the River Dora, without a care in the world and whistling a happy tune. She turned to look at a poster advertising dance and began to sing the song. "This is quite a happy song for Len Cohen." She smiled to herself. It was then that it happened.  They were the gear wheels from Hell and they came at her in sections like refugees from an old gearbox. There were four of them, each one larger and coggier than the last. She dived in the air and they whistled past her with a whizzing and a crunching.  She flattened against the poster, but the gear wheels proceeded down Via Dora Firenze with speed. "They didn't come for me then." She watched them until they were out of sight. "They must have slipped a cog," she thought, "but that's a matter of a pinion." She smiled and thought she was getting worse than the Wabbit. That was quite a thought. "I'd better follow them." She could just see the gears and the direction they were headed. She took a short cut and intercepted them at Piazza Vittorio Veneto, where they veered to the right and disappeared into underground parking. She heard smashing crockery, then silence. "Curious," she thought. "I'd better find the Wabbit." She didn't have to look far because the Wabbit and Wabsworth were emerging from the far entrance to the underground car park. They were shaking their heads in synchrony. She hopped as quickly as she could and caught up with them. "What's with the flying gears?" she yelled. "Looks like circles of confusion," shrugged the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit and the Attack of the Plates

The Wabbit and Wabsworth started to amble down to the River Po when the Wabbit caught a flash of white from behind. At first, he paid scant attention. Then it came closer. "Wabsworth?" he said. "I know," said Wabsworth, "Ignore them and maybe they'll go away." They walked a bit faster, but still the objects came closer. "I think it's the circles," suggested Wabsworth, "they're mobile." Suddenly there were more and they circled round and headed for them. "They don't seem friendly," said the Wabbit. he broke into a fast lope. Wabsworth kept up with him. "They seem like crockery," he ventured. "Deep plates," muttered the Wabbit. He'd been to many a gala dinner and he knew his crockery. One of the plates started to whirl and it came far too close to the Wabbit's ears. "Yikes," shouted the Wabbit. He quickened his pace. The lead plate let out a piercing wail as it whirled faster. The other plates took up the wail. It was deafening. The Wabbit and Wabsworth started to run. "I think they mean us harm," shouted Wabsworth. "As if we haven't got enough on our plate!" answered the Wabbit. The lead plate shouted out loud. "Servings, servings!" They were racing along now but still the plates kept up. "Maybe they're tectonic plates?" said Wabsworth. "They're shifty all right," responded the Wabbit. They veered sharp round a corner. The plates missed the turn and soared into an underground car park. They heard a crashing as the plates dropped down a lift shaft. "That was their own fault," grinned the Wabbit. "I have a Freddy Mercury joke," laughed Wabsworth. The Wabbit offered a quizzical ear. "I want to break three," groaned Wabsworth.

1. The Wabbit, Wabsworth & White Circles

The Wabbit bumped into Wabsworth near the Mole Antonelliana. He was merely standing and considering what all the white circles were for. He'd never come across a junction like it. "Wabsworth," he said, "You're just the rabbit I need to speak to." Wabsworth smiled. He was always pleased to bump into the Wabbit. "I was making my way between the River Dora and the Po. Just hopping aimlessly." The Wabbit thought Wabsworth might know about new traffic schemes, and he asked him. "What gives here?" Wabsworth was an android. He was fiercely logical but not without humour. "It's sending me round in circles. I think it's a plan to separate pedestrians from traffic. The Wabbit smirked. "It seems a roundabout way of doing things." Wabsworth laughed. I was nearly knocked down trying to work it out." Both shook with mirth. "Town Council!" They said it at the same time and laughed even more. Then they stuck their paws in their fur. "Any word from the Department?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit shook his head like a donkey. "Not a sausage. I was hoping to hear of a mission." Wabsworth said "Ha! They'll circle around us before they announce it." The Wabbit considered then replied. "And then we'll be running in circles." They guffawed a lot. "I suppose we'd better circle the wagons!" said Wabsworth. The Wabbit knew Wabsworth watched too many Westerns. He grinned. "We'd better contact our immediate circle."  The Wabbit ran out of jokes. Just then his radio crackled from deep inside his fur. "Must be the Circle Gang."

The Wabbit and his Adventure Caffè

The team gathered as usual in a Caffè they had always ignored.  The Wabbit thought the menu was hideous. Lapinette thought the Wabbit was too critical. Wabsworth didn't care because he was an android and all food was the same to him. Skratch hove into sight, complaining that half his head was cropped from the picture. The Wabbit was adamant and wouldn't move anything. "We need to show the chairs in case anyone from our audience wants to join us." Skratch shrugged and sat down. "So what was that for a kind of adventure?" Wabsworth clapped his paws. "The Devil in literature is a popular motif." Lapinette nodded. "He embodies specific anxieties and desires. Many serious people believe in Satan. He didn't just visit us in a story. He has active agency." Skratch purred long and hard. "He was the Devil, not merely a devil." The Wabbit rapped on the table. "The Devil is a trickster and aren't our stories also a trick?" Skratch was overjoyed. "That's true. Here he appears as a representative of corruption and decay. The spammer to end all spammers." Lapinette was anxious to contribute again. "Yes, and so Satan embodies desire. The audience has a desire for a world different from ours, where the Devil can just show up." Wabsworth had the last word. "The Devil emerges from a network of cultural forces. Evil and good, right and wrong are fundamental antinomies." The Wabbit laughed. "Like having a drink and not having a drink?" Lapinette picked up the napkin holder and made to throw it at the Wabbit. "Be a devil!" she cried. The Wabbit ducked fast ...

[I am indebted to the authors of Giving the Devil His Due: Satan and Cinema. (2021) Weinstock et al, Fordham University Press.]

7. The Wabbit when the Devil Called In

The Wabbit took both boxes and headed for town, but on the way a phone started to ring. It was one of those boxes on the wall and the Wabbit hadn't seen one for years - except maybe in the station. Mobile phones had almost rendered them obsolete. Dring dring. Dring dring. The call was insistent. The Wabbit was still looking at it when Lapinette arrived. "Answer it," she said. The Wabbit was tentative. It vibrated so much it came off the call box and dropped into his paw. Lapinette waved frantically. She pointed towards the top of the wall. The Wabbit answered the call anyway. "Hello," said a mournful voice. "Beelzebub here!" "The Devil you are!" replied the Wabbit. Lapinette was pointing at the wall but the Wabbit took no notice. In fact, he turned his back. "Always the wag. Ha ha. You'll never stop my calls, Wabbit," said the Devil. "They stop here and now," replied the Wabbit. "I have your thingymajig." The Devil laughed. "That's just a simple machine." The Wabbit took both pieces and tried to connect them. "No!" yelled the Devil. "Why not?" asked the Wabbit. He tried again to fit the pieces together. "It will route me and my calls through Gehenna switchboard," howled the Devil. The Wabbit was successful and the two bits slotted together with a click. The phone made a ringing sound like a thousand feedback loops. Lapinette watched as the Devil began to dissolve. "I'll get Moloch to tidy your remains," quipped the Wabbit. The Devil's voice whispered along the wall.  "I won't call again." The ringing sound faded. Devilish pieces liquified and ran earthwards. "Paint the devil on the wall," quipped the Wabbit.