The Wabbit's Blues Adventure Caffè

It wasn't as if they could just leave. The beeps didn't work like that. Everyone had to perform and so the Wabbit shrugged and took the stage. "One Two Three Four!" yelled Wabsworth who had mysteriously appeared with Skratch the Cat in tow. "Every-body! Every-body!" sang Skratch, "Every-body. Beeps some-body." The beeps swirled and circled and beeped wildly. "Glad so many of you could beep here tonight to alert us," shouted the Wabbit. "We all need a warning and someone to be warned by our side." A cacaphony of delighted beeps bounced from the walls. Lapinette grabbed the Wabbit's paw. "Let's go. Let's get out while the getting is good." Wabsworth clapped his paws. Skratch set up a devastating riff. The atmosphere was electric. If beeps had feet they would have stomped - but they kept time to Wabsworth's clapping. Repetitive solid beeps shook the building while Skratch's paws picked and slid notes between them. Now, Lapinette and the Wabbit were nearly out the door and none of the beeps had noticed. But outside didn't look promising. Anything but. They waited in the corridor until Skratch and Wabsworth finished. "Looked like you needed some notes," panted Skratch. The Wabbit had been rather impressed. "How many paws have you got?" "One less than I need," smiled Skratch. The Wabbit pushed the exit bar but a fierce wind slammed the door back with a terrible crash. "We need all the paws we can get!" said Lapinette ...

6. The Wabbit and the Beepnik

"Looks like the scene is set to hop," said Lapinette. "Maxo," said the Wabbit in an attempt to sound cool. He poked cables around and made random connections. A deafening whine assaulted their ears. "Woopso," muttered the Wabbit and he made a few changes. "Beep, you dig the beep, Daddy-O!"  The Beep was agile for its shape and it advanced on Lapinette. "I'm hip to the Beep," said Lapinette and she stuck out a paw at an awkward angle. The Beep transmitted a rapid series of beeps and asked, "You the chirp?" Lapinette postured and threw shapes. "Get your glasses on!" Beeps streamed so fast they shrilled like a locomotive. The Beep turned to the Wabbit. "Message for you Pops." Up to this point, the Wabbit felt left out. His nose twitched imperceptibly. His ears wiggled. Then he shrugged dramatically. The beeps became musical and played a short tune. "I'm a beepin' out danger," beeped the Beep. "I'm a beepin' out warnin'." The Wabbit waited some time and the beeps became rhythmic. The Wabbit's question arrived like a hammer. "Why?" "It's my job," replied the Beep. "I'm an alert." "What's the warning for?" said Lapinette. The beeps became slow. "I don't know. You are now alerted. Enjoy the gig." Now they could hardly hear the beeps. The Wabbit made a few adjustments with some success and the beeps strengthened. Then the Wabbit had an idea. "Are you a small. medium or major alert?" The Beep beeped loudly. "Imminent threat ..."
[Chirp: female singer (slang)]

5. The Wabbit and the Blues Beepers

They chased the beeps through puddles but when the street dried they lost them. "What the..?" said the Wabbit. It was then they heard it. Floating through the air. These were softer beeps with more beeps to the bar. "Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep beep." A tall figure leaned forward, one of two characters on the corner. "Just musicians ma'am. No cause for alarm." They rubbed their eyes in amazement but the two singers were still there. Now it was a driving beep. The Wabbit's head started to nod and his feet began to tap. Lapinette found herself swaying and she just couldn't stop. The Wabbit rummaged and pulled a blues harmonica from his fur. Lapinette found an old microphone in her frock. "That beep beep beep," sang the Wabbit. "Knocks us off our feet," sang Lapinette. "We really had to leap," sang the Wabbit. "But we didn't dig the beep," warbled Lapinette. The Wabbit's harmonica wailed louder, then beeped and mysteriously stopped. "You got trouble?" asked the tall singer. The Wabbit nodded his head. "The beeps want something. We're chasin' the beeps." The singers chuckled and looked at each other. "Don't that beep all!" The Wabbit's grin was lopsided and the tall one took pity. "They're here, round the back," "It's the scene for beepniks," said the other. The Wabbit and Lapinette raced round the corner and out of sight. The musicians stared after them. "Was that the Blues Bunnies?"

4. The Wabbit and the Rainy Leap

The Wabbit had to take a decision and he thought it better be fast. He grabbed Lapinette by the fur and pushed her over the bridge. "Leap!" he yelled and then he leaped too. It was a long way but the sound of lashing rain covered the beeping and for a moment things seemed calm. Lapinette looked down. She picked a clear spot, adjusted her ears and spread out. The Wabbit squinted at the ground, scrunched his shoulders and started to roll in a ball. Their plummet seemed to take a while so the Wabbit thought about the beep and tried to figure what it wanted. Lapinette also tried to figure what the beep wanted. Then she mentally cancelled three appointments, replacing them with one at the furdressers. The ground approached.  Lapinette could hear it coming because every drop of rain that fell made a squelchy beep. The Wabbit hit the ground with a thud and rolled across the puddles. Lapinette threw her legs forward, her arms back and landed as gracefully as any seabird. The wind dropped but the clouds continued to throw rain. Liquid beeps filled the air and the old abandoned shopping centre echoed them. It was a raindrenched symphony that alerted the Wabbit to something and he tried to grasp its meaning. Suddenly the rain stopped and with it, the beeping. Lapinette saw the Wabbit's face. "Did you get it?" The Wabbit shook his head. The beeping started again. "The beep goes on," sighed the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit's Beep on the Bridge

High on the bridge it was windy but it was the quickest way. Lapinette grabbed her ears with one paw and held down her frock with the other. The Passerella Olimpica wasn't usually that bad but the wind carried a deafening beep that made them nervous. The Wabbit steadied Lapinette as gusts blew her right and left. "This isn't wind," yelled the Wabbit, "this is sound." The bridge swayed like a drunken pianist. Gale force beeps tore at their fur. The Wabbit shrugged as best he could, gritted his 28 teeth and ploughed on. "It's talking to us," he shouted. Lapinette managed a smile. "Have you been at the cooking whisky again?" The Wabbit thought briefly and decided it was a good idea. "Did you see the shapes?" "I saw some stuff," yelled Lapinette, "and that square nearly hit me in the eye." The Wabbit's ears looped back and flattened. "OK, there's your square, a saw, a sine, and ...." The Wabbit ducked as a triangle whirled past his head. Lapinette was sceptical. "You always have all the angles, Wabbit." The Wabbit agreed, but avoided saying so. "These beeps are nothing but trouble," he grumbled. Lapinette grabbed his fur. "I'll be glad to get off this thing!" The Wabbit looked into the distance and studied the end of the bridge. It looked perfectly calm and he frowned. "I think we're stuck." "Lapinette frowned too. "On this beeping bridge?" The Wabbit groaned and mimed a radio. "Beep us down, Scotty."

2. The Wabbit and the Beeping Exhibit

The beep came from the Art Gallery. It was well locked but that didn't seem to worry the Wabbit, who did something with a credit card and a nail file. Locks snapped open with three short beeps and lights flooded the hall. "Can you stop this infernal beeping?" said an Exhibit. The Wabbit hopped up to examine the upper structure, while Lapinette knelt to listen to a very small figure. But she couldn't hear him for beeps because her paws were beeping loudly. The Wabbit asked a question. "What about the audible alert?" Two eyes flared. "It came this way and beeped at us and now we're beeping too." "What was it like?" asked the Wabbit. The Exhibit gave a snort. "It's a beeping sound, it goes beep. Anyway, what's your name?" "I'm the Wabbit and this is Lapinette," replied the Wabbit. The Exhibit's eyes flickered. "Where are your tickets?" "We broke in," shrugged the Wabbit. "Excellent," said the Exhibit, "it's good someone came." The Wabbit's ears pricked up at at the sound of another alert. "Piezo-ceramic transducer," said Lapinette. "He's not our main beep." "We're knee deep in beeps," said the Wabbit. "Where can they all be going?" Suddenly Lapinette bent close to the small creature and listened. "I got a lead. A place where beeps hang out."

1. The Wabbit and the Unwanted Alert

The Wabbit couldn't sleep. An audible alert kept sounding and he couldn't find it anywhere. He searched his wardrobe to track down all radio devices and found some he couldn't remember he had. But the annoying alert kept going. He examined clocks, computers, cooking appliances and cameras and they all started to beep too. The microwave, food mixer, toaster and kettle joined in. But they weren't exactly the same beep and the source of the original alert remained elusive. "Where the Binky is it?" muttered the Wabbit. He put his coat on, lifted two radios that he judged had the most authentic beep - and made his way to the street. By this time he was bad-tempered and he barely heard Lapinette scampering up with a beeping radio. "Wabbit, what's this alert? Even my fur drier is beeping." The Wabbit moved his head away from the radios. "They're not really beeps. They're analog. They're a recording of beeps." Lapinette was irritable. "Why? My automatic is beeping. My make up case is beeping. Everything is beeping." "It's a warning, copying itself to all your devices," said the Wabbit. "I know it's a warning!" yelled Lapinette, "but I want to be de-beeped!" "Maybe if we find out what the alert is for," murmured the Wabbit, "we can disable it." Lapinette's ears swivelled and focussed. "I can hear it now. And it seems to be moving." "Let's follow it, " said the Wabbit, "or we'll never get a wink of bleep."

The Wabbit's Hallowe'en Surprise

It was Hallowe'en and the moon stared relentlessly down on the old abandoned power station, where they'd arranged to meet at midnight for a Hallowe'en party. The Wabbit thought it seemed more desolate than usual and he gingerly took a step down the iron staircase. "Hello?" he shouted. It wasn't much of a shout, more of a loud whisper that crept along the railings and vanished. It was then that he made out the shape. It looked like a large rabbit with an axe and the Wabbit's heart lurched. "The Bunnyman!" He stepped back up the staircase. The Bunnyman's claws rasped along the axe shaft until they made a metal chink at the top. The Wabbit shuddered. "Monsters are real," he muttered and felt in his fur for a weapon. All could find was a dangly skeleton from the supermarket and a bit of black bun that had seen better days. The Wabbit kept calm. "He doesn't come until midnight. Only then can he dismember us all." From some distance away he heard faint church bells and he counted them. It was midnight. But the Wabbit heard something else too. It was just a movement but curiosity proved too much. He hopped down the steps. Eyes looked at him from everywhere and a deep voice spoke. "Push the Bunnyman, push him now!" "I'll get him!" yelled the Wabbit and he took a running jump and kicked him. With a crump and a clatter the figure fell over and the Wabbit blinked. It was a life size cardboard cut-out of himself. "That'll teach him!" yelled the Wabbit.

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

Conversation flew at the Adventure Caffè and by the time Skratch the Cat arrived, things were heated. "Question!" demanded Lapinette. She raised a paw like she'd seen in music promos. "How could Moloch be a small creature? He was never on Quantum's shuttle flights." Skratch waited silently but he knew no-one was going to ask him the question - so he answered it himself. "It was narrative non-linearity!" No one heard him so he raised his voice. "The adventure challenges the format of our stories and invites a different point of view!" Everyone looked round. "Oh hello Skratch," said the Wabbit, "I ordered you an aperitivo." Skratch looked fixedly at Moloch. "Moloch, how do you fit in to that seat?" Moloch's tummy swelled enormously. Then he laughed fit to burst and nearly did. "I discovered I could change sizes to fit into stories." His tummy rumbled and swelled again. The Wabbit waved for food and asked his own question. "How is everyone feeling after we merged?" "I don't feel different at all. Is there any beer?" said Lapinette. The Wabbit looked with horror because he knew Lapinette hated beer. "You need reprogramming," he sighed. "How does that work?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit adopted a serious expression. "Every time you ask for beer, I give you prosecco." "Oh the pain," smiled Lapinette.

6. The Wabbit's Creature Like Him

The Wabbit's nose was blocked again and he wheezed a bit. A movement disturbed him and he plucked a small creature from his fur. The creature looked just like him. It was shouting but its voice was so faint, he could barely hear it. He choked back a sniffle and bent forward. Now he could hear the odd word. "Danger, warning!" cried the creature. "Doom, annihilation." "What kind of danger?" murmured the Wabbit softly. To the creature this sounded like thunder, but he persisted in talking. The Wabbit tried very hard to hear as the creature that looked like him launched into a long explanation. He spoke urgently of antimatter and various kinds of particles of which the Wabbit had no knowledge whatsoever.  But the creature that looked like him was convincingly convincing and the Wabbit's fur stood on end. The substance of his story was an unfortunate saga of shuttle mishaps that had left particles of the Wabbit's fur all along the dust trail of the mighty Sombrero Galaxy. The Wabbit's fur was a cunning interweaving of real fur and antimatter, which allowed him to carry an extraordinary amount of kit entirely weightlessly. So this was unfortunate indeed. The Wabbit tried to speak quietly and his voice was more of a snuffle than a sniffle. "Whatsh the sholution?" "We all have to merge," said the creature. Now the Wabbit felt upset. He was beginning to like the creature that looked like him. "Will we be different?" "Better," said the creature. The Wabbit immediately turned and shouted. "Embrace the creatures!" But it was already happening ...

5. The Wabbit & the Believable Dome

The dome looked good and the Wabbit hoped it worked as well as it looked. All around him, miniature versions of himself and his team steadily advanced, making no noise whatsoever, not even tiny scuttling. The silence was overwhelming. The Wabbit dived after Lapinette and shouted. "What do we do inside?" Lapinette loped to the shelter. "Breathing space." "What the binky are these things up to?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette was nearly at the dome. "Each time they copy us, they use a bit of our DNA," she panted. ""Eventually there will be thousands of them - and nothing left of us." "Mother of Mercy!" screamed Moloch. "Is this the end of Moloch?" The Wabbit flicked one away but it made four copies of his paw and they all waved. "They're tap dancing on my nerves," shouted the Wabbit, "where's the door?" "It doesn't have a door," shouted Lapinette. "You have to believe you can go through it." With that she vanished and reappeared inside. Moloch beat his chest. "I am the Great Moloch!" He folded his arms and in an instant he was peering out from the safety of the dome. But the Wabbit shook his head. In these circumstances he only knew one effective way to get in. He took a long run and with a yell of "Open says me!" he viciously kicked the sphere. Inside, he picked himself up and limped across to look at his reflection. "That never fails," he nodded.

4. The Wabbit and the Stairway Copy

"Quickly," shouted Lapinette.  "They're coming." When they'd got the message, the Wabbit and Moloch had rushed to the Old Tower. As they panted up the steps they felt their heads clear. But although the Wabbit could scamper up anything, he hated steep. "What's going down?" he barked. "Wabbit," said Lapinette curtly. "Did you leave a model helichopper in Quantum's cab?" "On a shelf," sighed the Wabbit. "Near the filters?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit didn't have to nod. Lapinette urged them up the stairs. "These creatures are shape shifters, they copy what they fancy." "Well I hope they don't fancy Moloch," laughed the Wabbit. Moloch's wings spread in the narrow stairway. "I am one of a kind," said Moloch, "No-one would dare." The Wabbit caught something in the corner of an eye and growled. "They can really copy living things?" Lapinette became exacerbated. "We don't know. Get a move on. I want to get this door shut." "They do stay small, don't they?" asked the Wabbit and he edged up the wall. "No-one knows," hissed Lapinette. "Hurry up!" The Wabbit glanced back, narrowed his eyes and thought that it might be too late. But it was the only idea he had. "Moloch can you make a bit of breeze with your wings?" "Direction?" smiled Moloch. "Four o'clock low," murmured the Wabbit. Moloch's wings swivelled with precision and a hurricane blasted the stairway. "Go, go, go ...!" yelled Lapinette.

3. The Wabbit and Stardust Souvenirs

Even though he was groggy, the Wabbit met Quantum's shuttle from the Sombrero Galaxy as arranged. Quantum swam into view around about one o'clock and dropped into Pluto Park. Even though he was a famous monster, Moloch was astonished. "How much transhport have you got, Wabbit?" he snivelled.  The Wabbit did his best to grin. His fur was damp and his nose was red and his head felt like a balloon. Skratch called down from the cab. "Is here OK, Commander?" The Wabbit noticed movement and he scanned Quantum from tip to tail. The entities were small but brightly coloured and one came close to Moloch's face. "Achsplash groo," sneezed Moloch. The ground shook. "Hey Shkratch," yelled the Wabbit, "you brought pashengers." Skratch looked up and down. "I don't see anything!" At that moment an entity landed on his head, right between his ears. Skratch started to itch and his eyes watered like fountains. "Did you schtop anywhere unushual, Shkratch?" shouted the Wabbit through his nose. "We followed the dusht lane," sniffled Skratch. "and we only shtopped to clean our filters." The Wabbit shrugged wearily. "Shomething happened." Skratch thought for a second. "We saw a pair of shumthings wink near the black hole." "A wink?" questioned Moloch sagely and he paused to swipe an entity that got in hs eye. "That's allmoasht ash good as a nod."

2. The Wabbit & the Sneeze on Wheels

Things went from bad to worse. The Wabbit could feel every sinus channel known to rabbits. Moloch had a monster sinus and he was stuffed. "Thish is terrible," said the Wabbit. "Monstroush," snivelled Moloch. It was at this juncture they both heard the noise. "Jid you hear an Ah?" asked Moloch. "It shertainly ish an Aaaah," agreed the Wabbit. Buildings shook and tortured metal shrieked. "I didn't like the shound of dat," said Moloch and half turned. It came without warning like a thief in the night. "Itch not going to shtop," yelled the Wabbit and he jumped out the way. "I gave thish short of thing up," shouted Moloch and he followed the Wabbit. It was a tram all right but entirely composed of a cloudy scalding vapour that cleaned the street as it went. "Aaaaaahhh!" it wailed. "Aaaaaaah!" The Wabbit knew there was more to come and he said it under his breath. "Choo?" The tram flashed past and they felt its fiery breath. "Aaaaaaaah Chooooooo!" Traffic lights shattered. Shop windows blew out and scattered goods far and wide. Moloch had closed his eyes. "Ish it gone yet?" The Wabbit was somewhat muffled. "For ush ..  yesh," Moloch strained to hear because his ears had clogged up. Moloch looked as woebegone as the Wabbit felt in his fur. "Would you like a pashtille?" Moloch croaked, "I like shinnamon loshenges."

1. The Wabbit and the Big Sneeze

The Wabbit was at a loose end and when he was at a loose end he loped around the city fretting. But he took an alleyway off Via Garibaldi and found himself in a square. There were lot of squares in Turin, but this one had vague advertising signs. And although the Wabbit looked at them for some time, he couldn't figure out what they were for. "Hello Wabbit!" said a voice. "Moloch!" smiled the Wabbit. The Wabbit was secretly pleased because he felt he could use some company. "What's this for?" He indicated the sign with Moloch's picture and asked, "Are you having a monster promotion?" Moloch shook his considerable head. "Nothing to do with me, I have my hands full." They both pondered but were suddenly interrupted. "Achoo!" "Bless you," said the Wabbit." "It wasn't me," said Moloch, "I thought it was you, Wabbit." "Achoo!" The Wabbit looked around. "There it is again," Then he felt his nose tickle. "Achoooo," blasted the Wabbit. Small pieces of paper skittered along the paving, driven by the force. Moloch put his massive hand over his massive mouth. "Yaaaagh chook" he yelled. They both turned and looked at the sign. "Yak choo choo!" The sign rocked from side to side and spoke. "I can't help it. There's something in the air." The Wabbit sniffed. His nose began to tickle and the back of his throat felt dry. "I don't like the feel of this," he coughed. "Let's investigate," said Moloch, who's eyes were beginning to stream. " Before someone catches something," spluttered the Wabbit ...