10. The Wabbit and the Flashy Landing

Quantum landed in Campo de' Fiori which quite surprised onlookers - but they thought it was a new scheme by the Mayor. Some people clapped and others grumped. Diners went about their culinary business, while the Wabbit and Lapinette remained in Quantum's cab. Skratch made a few euro by collecting money, much to Wabsworth's disapproval. "Give everyone a receipt," he said, "It will all have to be accounted for." Lapinette turned to the Wabbit. "What about the prisoners?" The Wabbit flinched. "We have prisoners?" Lapinette waved her paws. "Uberclerk Zzorp and the Reclamoids!" The Wabbit put his head back and laughed. "Put them on at the Circus Maximus, they'll be a hoot." Lapinette felt that the Wabbit's levity was misplaced. "You can't let them run loose on Earth. Who knows what might happen?" Wabsworth chortled from below. "Zzorp might be able to sort out your Dinosaur Account." "Doubt it, no-one can," smiled Lapinette. "I'll take them back on Thursday," laughed the Wabbit. "Today's Thursday," replied Lapinette. "Next Thursday," offered the Wabbit. They were quiet for a few moments. "I suppose we could offer them dinner," said Skratch. "All receipts to be lodged," insisted  Wabsworth. "I'm thirsty," said the Wabbit. Everyone burst out laughing. "I see a waiter bring complimentary drinks for the intergalactic travellers," smiled Wabsworth. The Wabbit was delighted, "Better bring our guests out of the brig and prepare them for a week's stay." Lapinette gave him an old- fashioned look. "I only travel intergalactically on Thursdays," shrugged the Wabbit.

9. The Wabbit and Tonk's Vulnerability

But the Wabbit wasn't coming. Before he knew what was happening, Tonk took on enormous planet-like proportions. He spoke from behind the mountains. "This is my planet and I do what I like."  He grinned a malicious grin. "Ha ha ha," he laughed, "I shall have your map and all copies." The Wabbit floated prone just above the surface of the planet's ocean. He looked up to his left and saw Lapinette and Quantum drop into orbit. "Your friends cannot help you. I am master of all I survey." The Wabbit thought Tonk was too big for his boots and muttered the very same. He twisted and turned, He could break out of this position, he'd done it before. He could see Lapinette and Quantum as they coasted closer. "The drunken rabbit manoeuvre, Quantum," said Lapinette. "I'm a time travelling train, but I'll do my best!" protested Quantum. He went into a steep dive then pulled up under Tonk. Then he dived again. "What the devil," screamed Tonk. "Up, spiral and ram," said Lapinette. Her calm voice suggested she knew what she was doing. The Wabbit knew she'd detected a time rift and he smiled. Quantum bore down and, with all the power of a locomotive, slammed Tonk amidships. Tonk flew apart like a jigsaw and fell through the mountains. Lapinette manoeuvred to the surface. Using technology they'd recently acquired from a space brigand, she beamed the Wabbit aboard. "It works then," boomed Quantum over the loudspeakers. "Maybe he's not the original Wabbit," observed Skratch. The Wabbit was dazed. "Must be my turn to buy drinks," he mumbled. "It's him all right," grinned Wabsworth. 

8. Lapinette on an Adjacent Planet

Quantum and the rest of the crew parked at an adjacent planet. Lapinette and the rest got off and hopped around. The rain was a fine mist that quickly dried on their fur. Skratch strode forward like Captain Kirk of the Enterprise. "Are we just supposed to wait?" Lapinette wheeled round. "Aye Captain." She listened to the walkie talkie but heard only static. Wabsworth complained about the rain. "I don't like this precipitation. It leaves a residue." Lapinette mused on that. "What about the lakes?" Wabsworth tested the liquid. "A tolerable mixture of water and methane." "Tolerable to whom?" "To me," smiled Wabsworth. Quantum grumbled from the rear. "I find being treated as a car most demeaning." Lapinette snorted. "Lump it!" Quantum continued under his breath. "A brain the size of the universe and they treat me like a vehicle." Lapinette was the rabbit in charge, "Stop moaning and compute me the size of this planet and its distance from the Wabbit." Wabsworth groaned because he always disagreed with Quantum. He offered up a number. "5,150 km circumference and hardly any distance from the Wabbit." So close!" Lapinette was stunned. "I can see him coming," added Wabsworth. Lapinette drew herself up to her full height. "Any other vital information?" Both Quantum and Wabsworth snickered. "He's bringing Uber Teller Tonk." "And a crate of Intergalactic Prosecco," laughed Quantum.

7. The Wabbit and the Planet of Tonk

The Wabbit materialised on the planet below. Quantum departed to locate a parking place. He grumbled but off he went. They'd picked up a creature on sensors and it might be Uber Teller Tonk. The Wabbit was delegated to find out. He sauntered on the rough surface of the planet and whistled a merry tune. Tonk was oblivious. He stared at his reflection in the skies. "I am master of all I survey!" he exclaimed. Behind him lay his watery planet. And so did the Wabbit. "Hello there Jimmy," he murmured. Tonk did not turn, but his tinfoil ears moved a bit, "Who dares disturb me here, on my very own exoplanety planet." His arms embraced the scene as if to indicate the scope of his ownership. "Just a wee bit Wabbit from Earth," said the Wabbit. "What do you want?" groaned Tonk. "I'm on vacation," replied the Wabbit. He rummaged in his fur for the reverse map. "You're in the Rough Guide for the Best Planet. It says here for a Wee Visit, speak to Tonk." Tonk continued to stare into space. "I never agreed to any such thing." The Wabbit rocked back on his heels. "Uberclerk Zzorp has papers. Invoices and receipts." Tonk paused. "I should never have got involved with his stupid bed and breakfast scheme." The Wabbit relaxed into holiday mode. "Where are the padlocks with the codes? I'm ready to settle in." Tonk breathed along sigh. "Over there on my watery planet. Every cave has a special number. Please get it right." The Wabbit grinned. "Otherwise?" Tonk grimaced. "It explodes with you inside."

6. The Wabbit and the Mirror Stage

Back in Quantum the Time Travelling Train, the Wabbit's team sped to the chrome planet. Quantum was grumbling. Covered in frost, he felt colder than space. The planet - or rather planets - came in sight. It was like looking in a crazy mirror. "That must be Tonk's place," murmured the Wabbit. "You have a knack for stating the painfully obvious," grumbled Quantum. "We're reflections," gasped Lapinette. "It must be the mirror stage of space," meaowed Skratch. "We're much dependent on external objects," grinned the Wabbit. Wabsworth the android chipped in, "We're being chased by them." A spacecraft and its reflection converged on the planet. "Uberclerk Zzorp!" growled the Wabbit. "Maybe you shouldn't have taken his money," said Lapinette. "And you never gave him any maps," grinned Wabsworth." "Maybe he's mad at you," hissed Skratch. "At us!" shrugged the Wabbit. The team braced for trouble. They heard a noise from the engine room. Skratch's ears stood on end. "A stowaway. In my engine room." "In MY engine room," snapped Quantum. The cabin door opened and through it came a Reclamoid bearing a coffee pot. "Coffee anyone?" it squeaked, "I made it strong." Wabsworth looked with disdain. "Where are the cups?" The Reclamoid hung his head. "I forgot them." The Wabbit shook his head. "Don't worry, I always have coffee cups." He plucked six cups from his fur. Quantum began to vibrate as he disengaged lattice drive. "I'll pass. I'm already shaking enough." The Wabbit saw his face reflected in the shiny surface of the planet. "Find somewhere for us to park." Quantum growled. "I'm a train not a parking attendant." They heard Tonk's giggle from the surface. "Chrome plated pillock!" groaned Wabsworth.

5. The Wabbit and the Reclamoids

The robots looked twee but were far from that. The Chief Robot ticked off every item and barked in a stern voice. "I am Uberclerk Zzorp. Please clear your belongings in the shed provided." His underlings scuttled around, carrying their discarded objects to an unknown destination. "These are the Reclamoids. Do not impede them." Wabsworth looked at Zzorp with utter disdain. "Do you call yourself a robot, Sir?" Your demeanour is objectionable." He thumped a foot and turned to look at the Wabbit. The Wabbit shrugged in exasperation. Zzorp continued. "These objects have been discarded and are circulating without authorisation in controlled airspace. They are escaping our synergised memory audits. This is impermissible." The Wabbit shook a fist. It was all he could think of. "It's just old junk." Uberclerk Zzorp shook his head in a bumbling bureaucratic fashion. "Immaterial. Sentimental salvage tax applies. A thousand QUIDs each item." He stomped and cavorted. Lapinette batted her eyelashes. "Tell him." "About the reverse map?" snorted the Wabbit. Zzorp changed his tune. "You have a reverse map?" Reclamoids stopped scurrying. "Oh. You're interested, Zzorp?" Wabsworth's commanding tone was a sneer. Skratch had been a bystander but now he effected interest. "We could make a deal," he hissed, "But the maps are scarce as feathers on a fish." Zzorp grunted. "We'll only pay 15 QUID per item." Lapinette pirouetted. "Then we'll make an arrangement with the next reclamation plant on the next chunk of rock." Zzorp responded without thinking. "You know Uber Teller Tonk?" "Tonk has already offered TerraQUIDS," pouted Lapinette.

4. The Wabbit and the Nostalgia Zone

The three crowded into Quantum's cab as he whooshed through whatever substance it was. It looked like entrails of a sort but then lattice drive was a curious phenomenon. No-one really knew how it worked but work it did. Stringy things flashed by like worms on acid. Soon they found themselves in a strange and blurry world that cleared to reveal a curious structure. The reverse map had done its job, and they hadn't even used the magic pin. Random objects coasted by. Some things they recognised as things they had chucked out. The spark plug, the Wabbit has thrown over a fence because it hadn't worked once too often. The coffee pot was a cast off object which Lapinette had given up as a bad purchase. It stuck for the last time and filled the kitchen with burnt fug. Skratch recognised old toys which he's rooted out of a toy box and given to charity because he was tired of them. But the structure itself was worthy of consideration. It bulged and wallowed. Looking at it was somewhat difficult since it induced a mild nausea. "I have no idea where we are," said Skratch. "I feel sick," moaned Lapinette. "Don't look at the structure," said the Wabbit. Quantum boomed through his loudspeakers. "This is nostalgia world. It induces a sickly clam." The Wabbit laughed. "Don't you mean calm?" "No," replied Quantum. They heard a voice from the direction of the engine room. "Will someone let me out?" It was Wabsworth. "I'm stuck here with a soldering iron and more circuit boards than I care to remember." The Wabbit grinned. "If it smells like chicken, you're holding it wrong."

3. The Wabbit and Quantum's Big Take Off

With the map safely tucked away and stopping to collect Lapinette on the way, the Wabbit arranged for Quantum to make an appearance at the Coliseum. Tourists thought this was one of the mayor's shows. The three jumped aboard and the Wabbit gave the signal for take-off. Quantum was up for it and put on a show. He shimmered and rippled and twisted until the audience applauded with wild abandon. Skratch turned and pinned up the reverse map on a control panel. "Look at the sky," shrieked Lapinette, "The map is working already." "Wait until I get the magic pin out," meaowed Skratch. Quantum was a Time Travelling Train and proud of his prowess. "I can't wait until it shows us our destination," he boomed. "In the meantime where would you like to go?" The Wabbit was enjoying himself. "Take us on a tour of the city, Quantum." The big train wheeled round and at impulse speed, toured across Rome. He buzzed the Forum, shot across the Vatican, and skimmed the Pyramid of Cestius. The Pantheon swirled and blinked at him with its single eye. Skratch fumbled for the magic pin and with a growl from his engines, Quantum rolled back in time. Dinosaurs roamed; the Punic Wars passed in a second. Lapinette watched gladiators march. They caught a glimpse of Caesar as he met his doom. Skratch brought the magic pin level with the map. Quantum's lattice drive fired. Everything span. "Commander, I'm not in control," said Quantum. "It's the map!" hissed Skratch. "A bit more exciting than Google," shrugged the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit and the Myriad Objects

The Chinese shop was, as usual, full of stuff. The Wabbit and Skratch the Cat ferreted around like ferrets. The Wabbit spotted something interesting. "That's a Mouse Mat, Wabbit," purred Skratch. "It's a reverse map mouse mat! It will do," replied the Wabbit. "Try and say that quickly," said Skratch. In his paw he clutched a box of bolts. He reached up for a large pin. It tingled when he touched it. "This might be magic," he said. "Ippety pippety pow," said the Pin. Skratch nodded. "This is the one." The Wabbit grinned and took the mouse map. "Let's pay for our purchases and be on our way." "Who's paying?" asked Skratch. "The Dinosaur Fund," said the Wabbit. "That still buoyant?" asked Skratch. "Euro hedged global short-term bonds," said the Wabbit. "Very fancy," growled Skratch. "Until last week," said the Wabbit. "Half our funds shifted briefly to real estate. Then back. Shaky foundations." Skratch shook his head. He believed all that was dangerously risky. "I'll stick with Mouse Investments." The Wabbit swept several more items into a basket. "What does the Magic Pin say." Silence fell. You could have heard a pin drop. "I wanted to be a banker," said the Pin, "But I kept losing interest." The Wabbit scowled. "I make the jokes around here." They all turned to go, but the Wabbit wanted one more thing. He grabbed a tube of glue. When Skratch looked at him he shrugged. "For when things all fall apart."

1. The Wabbit and the Chinese Shop

"Hey there, Commander!" Skratch the Cat could see the Wabbit heading across Via Leone VIII. He was displaying a determined walk, with his face set forward. He could be going to any number of interesting places thought Skratch. The Wabbit reached the other side of the road and Skratch pounced to his side. "Hello Skratch," said the Wabbit, "I'm heading to the Chinese shop for an unobtainable item. Then I fancy a prosecco. Join me?" Skratch never said no to such an offer. He meaowed. "What type of object do you fancy?" The Wabbit hopped speedily on. "I've no idea," he said. "They have everything." Skratch nodded. He knew the Wabbit collected odd bits and pieces and concealed them in his fur. "Are we between missions?" he asked. "We certainly are," replied the Wabbit, "I was wondering if we could fill in the time by making something impossible." Skratch thought for a second. This could go a number of ways, all of them fraught with dangerous outcomes. "Were you thinking of a bolt-on accessory for the control board of Quantum the Train?" The Wabbit's mouth dropped open. "I was, as it happened." Skratch's tail quivered with delight. "Something that could take us to uncharted territories where's there no need of a map?" The Wabbit smiled. "I was thinking of a bolt-on reverse map that might take us somewhere we never heard of - or even wanted to go." Skratch scurried forward. "It will require a magic pin!" The Wabbit made a mental list. "One reverse map, one magic pin. some bolts. Anything else?" "Sandwiches," purred Skratch. 

The Wabbit's famous Adventure Caffè

The team headed for Palombini's in EUR for their customary drink but were distracted by the market. "I didn't know there was a market here," said Wabsworth. "Every second Sunday," responded Lapinette. "I see a trader I know," remarked Wabsworth. "They go around," shrugged the Wabbit. The trader was a Calabrian with a special line in hot peppers that the Wabbit especially liked. They hopped a little farther. "Skratch, do the usual!" The Wabbit couldn't wait for Skratch to pronounce his special wisdom. "What was that for a special sort of adventure?" Skratch thrashed his tail. "It provided a means of commenting on society and its current mores. I'd say it does not fall into a genre." Lapinette grinned. "Maybe they all do. It's not new." Wabsworth wanted his word. "Strictly speaking they are folkways. Everyone agrees that they are so." The Wabbit groaned. "That doesn't mean they are. This was counter-hegemonic." Skratch hissed. "Counter hegemonic you say?" Lapinette was fast to offer her critique. "Perhaps the zombies as tourists do eat the flesh of society. Weighing down planes, polluting the atmosphere, using up any available accommodation. Turning our varied cuisine into pizza, pasta, tiramisu. They devour capacity and invert our world. Everyone carries two trolleys and does the same everything on the cheap." Skratch stepped back. "That's very sage, Lapinette." The Wabbit nodded his head. "Let's head to Palombini's." "What shall we have?" asked Wabsworth. "Prosecco Rosé?" quipped the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit on Movie Location

The film was nearly finished and the Wabbit and Lapinette joined Wabsworth on location. "Just a few pick-ups," murmured the Wabbit, who was producing. Some of the cast cavorted around in their costumes and make up. Everything seemed chaotic but was all going ahead according to plan. "Where's our director, Skratch?" asked Lapinette. "He's with the second unit," smiled Wabsworth, "He couldn't bear to leave it alone." Lapinette giggled. A zombie touched the Wabbit on the shoulder and he jumped. "Do you think the audience will get the inference that it's the tourists who are the zombies?" he said. Lapinette advised him not to care. "Leave that to Skratch to analyse." Wabsworth waved to the camera crew. "Do you think it will win any awards?" The Wabbit was horrified. "I certainly hope not." Silence ensued. "That's the spirit Commander," shrugged Wabsworth, "That's for the cinephiles." The sun beat down on Rome. It was only May but the Wabbit considered changing his fur for something more tropical. "I know a bar near here," he said. "Wabbit it's only 9.30 am," gasped Lapinette. "I'm Scottish," said the Wabbit. "We don't have rules about drinking." Wabsworth shrugged. "I'll join you." Being an android, he had tuned his algorithms to synthesise alcohol at any time. "Where is this bar?" asked Lapinette. But the Wabbit was already on his way and so they fell in behind him. 

6. The Wabbit and the Terrifying Terror

Further up the tunnel there was light and for a second Wabsworth was relived. Then he heard a commotion and was on him. A ferocious creature grabbed him from behind and howled. "Waaaabsworth, Waaaabsworth!" It knew his name, he didn't know how. He struggled but couldn't free himself. The creatures claws sank into his fur. Blood foamed from its mouth and slathered onto his neck. He activated his defences again. The creature felt the shock and let go but it was infuriated and roared the louder. Wabsworth heard another sound. He feared more zombies and ripped his arm away from the creature. But a blood curdling cry from above could only be the Wabbit. He heard a violent struggle and risked a glance upwards. The Wabbit had swung down from a piece of ironwork and wrapped himself round the creature's neck. He had an automatic. For a second Wabsworth shook his head, but he remembered a line from a film he'd seen. Kill the brain and you kill the ghoul. It was like instant communication. The Wabbit heard it and mouthed it. He pushed his automatic into the creature's mouth and fired upwards. Its spurting blood was a curious shade of purple. The bullet had pierced the brain. The creature slumped and lay on the tunnel floor. The Wabbit dropped. "Wabsworth. How's yer belly off for spots?" he murmured. "Spot on," quipped Wabsworth. With a chortle the Wabbit kicked the dead creature. "I've seen that in the movies," said Wabsworth. "So have I," murmured the Wabbit.

5. Wabsworth in the Deep Catacombs

Deep in the catacombs and safe for the moment, Wabsworth saw a line of statues. Judging by the state of their composition, they had been outside for a long time then brought inside. "What's your name my son?" The voice boomed and echoed through the tunnels. "My name is Wabsworth," said Wabsworth. He thought it best to be formal. "I am an android in the service of the Department of Wabbit Affairs." The speaker leaned forward. "I am a representation of an apostle in the service of the Lord. How may I help you?" Wabsworth ran the statue's image through his vast information banks but found only archaeology. "I have a bit of Zombie trouble," he said. The statue nodded sagely. "Poor creatures, they are caught in a state of undeadness and must wander the earth for all of time." Wabsworth was faintly irritated. He shrugged. "They're wandering too far. I haven't got all of time. I must join with my team and rid the earth of zombies." The statue grimaced. "I can hear them coming. They will be here soon." Wabsworth could hear the flapping of a dragon's wings and faint moans in the distance. He knew that theology wasn't going to help him. Again the statue spoke. "I will delay them. You be on your way." The statues began to crumble and one by one they fell across the passageway. Wabsworth started to run .. 

4. Wabsworth and the Zombie Dragon

Wabsworth was enjoying a day off at the Colosseum when all hell broke loose. He'd been enjoying going around and subjecting any tourist he met to his encyclopedic knowledge of the Roman Empire. But when a dragon dropped from the sky and picked him up, he thought that was a bit too much. He pulled out his radio and tried to get in touch with the Wabbit. It flew from his paw, squawking with the Wabbit's tones. "Urgent, urgent! Beware! Zombies of all kinds descending on Rome! This is not a drill! I repeat. This is not a drill." Wabsworth turned on his anti dragon software and shook. Electricity surged from his fur. The dragon released his grip and Wabsworth dropped to the ground where two zombies awaited. They looked mean. They growled. Decaying flesh dripped from their faces. "They look like they're from a music video." Wabsworth spun on his heels and made for the nearest tunnel. Tourists abounded but none paid any attention. "All part of the show?" murmured Wabsworth. He sounded just like the Wabbit. The dragon wheeled in the sky and dived at him. Wabsworth recovered his radio, ducked into the tunnel and disappeared. The dragon was wedged in the entrance. Wings flapped in a frantic dance. Scales dropped like autumn leaves. It breathed fire and the stench was grim as sour vomit. "That way to the vomitorium," quipped Wabsworth.

3. Lapinette and the Hungry Zombies

Lapinette was in Testaccio Market when she heard them coming. It was a kind of shuffle. A little bit distinctive, a little bit zombie. She flattened herself against a trader's stall, but it was no good. They advanced round the corner and saw her immediately. She got her radio out and it started to crackle with the Wabbit's voice. The signal was intermittent. "Beware ..  crackle .. zombies .. crackle .. shopping," It was too squawky. She switched it off because she already knew that. The first zombie was shorter or maybe he was just stooped. He bent down even further. "Brains," he said, "Need brains." The taller one echoed him. "Juicy brains, more juicy, squashy brains." Saliva drooled from what was left of his lips. Lapinette was already pointing. "Straight along there. You can't miss the butcher. He has plenty of succulent juicy brains." She thought fast. "Do you like wild boar salami?" The two shuffled past. "Need human brains," they moaned. As they rounded the corner, Lapinette got back on the radio. "Wabbit, what's this zombie thing?" The radio crackled. "I've got my own zombies here. Terrible dress sense." Lapinette gritted her teeth. "What do your zombies eat?" The radio crackled again. "Each other." Lapinette felt nauseous. The radio whined a bit. "Can you interest them in aperitivi?" asked the Wabbit. 

2. The Wabbit and the Automatic Zombies

The Wabbit went to the shed the next day to check it out. He'd established that there was nothing untoward and moved further down the street when he heard scuffling behind him. He turned and there they were. Zombies. "I knew it!" he murmured. There was a badly dressed one, another who he could only describe as medium - and a young woman who he knew Lapinette would describe as tarty. They stood stock still. Then one moved its arms as if it was a signal for them all to move. Then they waved in ghastly synchrony. The Wabbit couldn't help moving back. It was then that something touched his ears. "Yeuch!" he yelled and brushed whatever it was away. He squinted upwards. It was a hideous skeletal figure with protruding bones. "Get off," he shouted. It was a hand that belonged to an arm that swayed for an instant before falling to the street. The Wabbit stepped back again. The zombies stepped forward. He stepped toward them. They stepped back. The Wabbit started thinking. They looked like they'd escaped from a film. Especially the one in the awful shirt. "How do you boo!" greeted the Wabbit. "Shopping, must do shopping!" they replied. The Wabbit pointed further down the street. "Furniture, kitchen and fittings," he said. He glanced at the roughly dressed one. "Men's outfitters and bags in great quantity." "Bags, get bags," said the Zombies. The skeletal figure replaced his arm and they stumbled past the Wabbit in the general direction of IKEA. "It's not even Black Friday," murmured the Wabbit. 

1. The Wabbit and Shaun of the Shed

The Wabbit rounded the shed-like structure on the street. It was never open and the Wabbit wondered why it was there. The lettering was beginning to fade, and it had seen better days. The Wabbit puffed out his cheeks. "Shaun of the Shed," he thought. He laughed at his own joke, even though it wasn't great. A delivery bike driver behind him giggled. "At least someone thinks I'm funny," murmured the Wabbit. But the cyclist was laughing at something further down the street. The Wabbit shrugged to conceal his disappointment. He was waiting on a message about a mission. No mission in the offing made the Wabbit sightly nervous. "I'm on more of an intermission," he quipped. He disliked waiting. The evening sun made long shadows on the road. "Time for an aperitivo," he mused. A new caffè had opened further along the road. He had yet to try it. He started to hop that way but glanced back at the shed. "I hope it's not full of zombies." He looked again. "When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will seek out sheds." He moved closer. "Dead in a shed!" Then he began to laugh. "Out of your head in a shed!" Passersby turned to look. Some joined in, calling for zombies to emerge. The Wabbit saw movement and shouted. "I like my zombies slow and stupid." The door swung open ...  

The Wabbit at his famous Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit ordered the team to assemble at the Caffè in Testaccio Market. It was a mite chilly, but their enthusiasm made up for the cold. Lapinette bounded into the Wabbit's paws. Or she would have, except he wasn't holding them out. Wabsworth was helpless with mirth. He'd souped up his sense of humour algorithm and guffawed like a pirate. "Love's young dream," he squealed. "That's quite enough Commander," said Lapinette. "Sorry Ma'am," he apologised. Lapinette was only pretending to be annoyed and she asked the question. "What was that for a sort of adventure we just had?" Skratch the Cat had arrived, only slightly late. "It was magic adventure, and you cannot have that on its own, Wabbit!" Wabsworth was anxious to redeem himself as a serious scholar. "Without society, magic does not exist. Yet its transformative nature is without mechanical parallel."  The Wabbit smiled one of his annoying smiles. "Even symbolic actions produce a change of state." Lapinette put her paws on her hips. "Collective imaginings of invisible powers imbue them with efficacy," she said, "And that is what makes magic a social fact." Skratch was on that with a pounce. "We are all social facts." They chanted together in unison. "We are all social facts. We are all social facts." The Wabbit hopped up and down. "I see cocktails here are dirt cheap! And that's a social fact." "You're buying, that's a fact." pointed Lapinette.

6. The Wabbit back in the Neighbourhood.

Dawn broke, the sun came up and they found themselves on steps that were in their very own neighbourhood. The Wabbit still had the wand. He waved it. Nothing happened. He tried again. Nothing. "It doesn't work any more." Lapinette was relieved. "It's for the best. I think you need to find a new hobby." The Wabbit half smiled. "I could have transformed the neighbourhood." Lapinette burst out laughing. "Leave that to the mayor." For a second the Wabbit saw massive buildings rising to the sky with heliports on top and moving walkways suspended in the air. People thronged back and forth. Now he made a wide grin. "I could be a property developer." Lapinette shuddered. "I'd call my company, Wabbitude," he continued. "Everything has a silly name now. I'll speak to Wabsworth." "You'll do nothing of the sort!" yelled Lapinette, "You're totally unsuitable to be a property developer." "What qualifications do I need?" asked the Wabbit. "Some money and a brass neck." Lapinette had her paws of her hips. "I can get you these," said the Magic Wand. "Goodbye, Wand!" retorted Lapinette. Nothing happened because she hadn't said the password. "Brat draoidheachd," Wabbit did it for her. "Make yourself scarce." The wand popped out of existence.
 

5. The Wabbit and the Nine Moons

The Wabbit landed first. He was by a church on a hill under a large number of moons. He counted them. Seven - with two more hiding he reckoned. Then he saw Lapinette come tumbling from the sky. He was still attached to the wand, and he lifted it. They became two and so did Lapinette. "Help!" cried the Lapinettes. He put all the effort he could into the wands and it worked. Stars flashed and they waved. One Lapinette came floating in to land. The other faded away. He was left with one wand and one Lapinette. She touched down on the steps and breathed a sigh of relief. "What are all these moons?" The Wabbit tapped his wand. "Something that this conjured up."  "I don't like them," yelled Lapinette. "Get rid of them." The Wabbit waved his wand and the moons vanished. Except for the two hidden behind the church. They emerged, flashed like beacons - and began to circle. The Wabbit looked at the sky. "The sun is coming up. We only have to wait." The Wabbit and Lapinette sat on the steps with the magic wand. "Try the wand again," suggested Lapinette. The Wabbit waved the wand. A wind sprang up. Leaves rustled. Lapinette gripped her frock. The wind passed. The Church was gone. Moons were gone. All that remained were the magic wand, the dawn and two rabbits ...

4. The Wabbit and the Desert Sands

The magic wand waved and bent in half. There was a flash. The Wabbit and Lapinette found themselves in scary, arid landscape. Trees were dried up hulks. Desert sands stretched for kilometres. An artificial sun beat down. And it was hot. Really hot. "Eeek," yelled Lapinette, "We're back to front." The Wabbit looked down. All the writing on his fur was reversed. He looked up and smiled a grim smile. "There's something familiar about that sun." He looked behind him. "And there's the tree they hung Tom Sawyer." Lapinette growled, "Tom Dooley." The Wabbit paid little attention. "This all the fault of that wand." Lapinette didn't like the landscape. "I'm hot and bothered and I'm not keen on this place." The Wabbit shrugged. He was curious and looked at the wand. Lapinette said the magic passwords. Nothing happened. "You haven't got the accent," said the Wabbit. He said the magic phrase, Brat draoidheachd. The wand stiffened to attention. It was straight as a die. "Wand. Get us out of this place." A wind sprung up. Wood snapped. Sand and twigs blew into every crevice. Lapinette gripped the Wabbit's fur and held on tight as they were swept into the air. She shrieked at the Wabbit. "You didn't tell it where you wanted to go." But her words were snatched by the wind and lost in the sand. Wand and all, they disappeared. 

Background by Art Tower . Sun by Open Clip Art Vectors

3. The Wabbit and the Wayward Wand

The Wabbit headed down Via Gregorio VII with his magic wand under his arm. He looked around. "Maybe I could conjure up a bus?" he thought. A young woman flew up the road, clutching a phone. He looked at his wand. "Maybe I magicked her, but I didn't use my password," he murmured. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned. "What exactly are you doing, Wabbit?" It was Lapinette and she looked annoyed. "Did you do something with that wand? Some magic trick on that young woman." The Wabbit was shamefaced. "I did not," he said. "I wanted a bus." Lapinette regarded him with disbelief. "It looked like a trick. Anyway, you should hop. It's good exercise for you." The Wabbit tapped the phone. "This is a new hobby." They hopped down the road together. "Shouldn't you do something with playing cards?" The Wabbit knew Lapinette was trying to be helpful, but he just wasn't interested in cards. "I'd thought about cutting people in half." Lapinette's fur stood on end. "I forbid it," she exclaimed, "Bad things would happen." They continued past the furniture shop. "The stars at the toy shop said the wand would be fine," said the Wabbit. "I've even got a password. I'm only allowed to use it for magic." Lapinette smiled. "What's the password?" Just before she spoke, Lapinette had a premonition that this wasn't something she should ask. "Brat draoidheachd." The Wabbit said the magic words without thinking. The wand sprang into action. It flew from the Wabbit's grasp and waved itself over their heads ...

2. The Wabbit and the Magic Wand

The Wabbit stood outside a toy shop he knew. In his paw he held a magic wand he'd purchased inside. The assistant had told him he needed no instructions, he was just to wave it. It was self-explanatory she told him. The Wabbit was sceptical but he shrugged. He went outside and waved it at the window. A shot rang out. The window shattered. Planetary devices of various kinds appeared in great number. The Wabbit grew exasperated, but a star with a smiley face appeared and spoke. "I am the instructions for the Mk 2 Magic Wanderiser. Thank you for your purchase. How may I help you today?" The Wabbit felt a bit irritated but he bore with it. "I want to learn magic." There was a long pause. "Please tap the window twice and say your magic word." The Wabbit wanted to comply but he'd never been given his magic word. The stars began to whirl. "Please say your magic word or phrase!" The smiley star was insistent. The Wabbit shrugged. "Sim sala bim." It was the best he could do at short notice. But the smiley star continued. "That magic phrase has been taken." The Wabbit thought. "Brat draoidheachd," he uttered. There was another pause. "I am registering your magic phrase. Only use it for magic." The stars dimmed and faded away. Clutching his wand, the Wabbit hopped towards the metro. "I need a drink," he thought. He remembered his magic phrase and repeated it. A bar appeared in front of him. "It works," he murmured.

1.The Wabbit and his Magic Day Off

The Wabbit was having a day off. It was a Tuesday, and it was quiet. He sauntered down the road and stopped at a local bar. Having quenched his thirst with a Prosseco and munched a salad sandwich, he proceeded on his way. The day was fine. It was a mite chilly but there was plenty of light. So he smiled and started thinking. His friends all said he was far too serious. They told him he needed a hobby. The Wabbit grinned to himself. His work was his hobby. Who needed anything else? He considered further. He would require kit - a wand for example. He saw himself waving it around and saying magic words. He practiced. "Hocus pocus, let's get some focus." He shook his head. Not quite right, but he had started. Sawing people in half was an option, but supposing they wouldn't go back together. People might complain about being severed in half. He sniggered. Then he thought about joining a club, but clubs weren't for him. Full of geeks. What about cards? That one was easy. He'd speak to Wabsworth. He knew lots of card tricks. On the other paw, Wabsworth's tricks were real and had a way of biting you back. He could remember every number ever invented and then some more of his own. Nope. He'd do it on his own or not at all. Then the Wabbit thought of something. He'd buy a book and study it. No-one would know he had a hobby. Concealment - that was his first trick. 

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

The team arranged to meet at Palombini's famous Caffè in EUR. As the Wabbit looked around, he noticed Lapinette approaching from his left. Wabsworth crept up behind her and touched her shoulder with his paw. She shot in the air. "Wabsworth!" she yelled, "Don't do that, you might have got shot." Wabsworth smiled and shrugged. Being an android it was not a matter of signicicant importance. His fur repelled bullets, but he knew what she meant. "Never mind all this," said the Wabbit. "What was that for a sort of adventure we just had?" Skratch arrived from the tables to the Wabbit's right. "That is more properly my line," he said. "Answer!" yelled Lapinette. Skratch leaned back. "It is a cut above the usual story where carnivorous plants aim to rip us stem to stern." Wabsworth also leaned back. "It was amusing enough." Lapinette giggled. "Shall we talk of the Anthropocene?" "No," replied the Wabbit, "I'm fed up with it." Lapinette continued anyway. "This period is marked by increasing environmental change. So we move from technological to ecological concerns." Skratch laughed. "That's very goody-goody". "Not at all," said Lapinette, "We lend aesthetic consideration to objects that pervade our renewed experience of the Anthropocene. That is the future." The Wabbit grinned. "What's the future in standing outside the caffe? It's dwarfing our timescale." "I'm buying the drinks," said Skratch. "Now that's a change of timescale!" laughed the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit in the Leafy Atrium.

Inside the building, - the Casa Madre dei Mutilati di Guerra - the team and the cacti were deep in discussion. The Wabbit and Wabsworth were having a principled disagreement about habitats - but looked happy enough. Lapinette was delighted. The cacti clicked their assent. The plants had assembled themself in the atrium in a tasteful manner. Fruit hung from the ceiling. Butterflies emerged, fluttering around in a zig-zag path. Delightful fragrances filled the air. "I'm not certain they should be here, but it does look and smell nice," commented Wabsworth. "I'm very happy there was no conflict," said Lapinette. "All's well that ends well," nodded the Wabbit. "Whate'er the course, the end is the renown," murmured Lapinette. "Everyone's happy except the landlords," commented Wabsworth. The Wabbit shrugged. "They'll love it and leave it, I'm certain. They usually do." Lapinette wasn't so certain of that. "I'll ask Mr Singh to pop in to give horticultural assistance. Watering. Feeding. Weeding." They turned to go, but the Wabbit was uncertain. "How do we get out? That door or that door?" Lapinette was already pirouetting through an exit. "A chance to explore an interesting building!" They prowled the upper floors and looked at statues. "I never knew this was here," said the Wabbit. "Rome is always surprising," commented Wabsworth. "Maybe there's a tea room," said the Wabbit. "Maybe there's a bar," smiled Wabsworth.

6. Lapinette and the Other Entrance

Lapinette took the cacti in the back door so that they could take the plants by surprise. But it was Lapinette who was surprised. "This is like a war memorial for those injured in an old war." The cacti were equally taken aback. "Surely even our errant cousins would never invade such a place. It must be a mistake." Another cactus spoke. "Lead us to the escapees and we'll persuade them of their error. Get them into line, so to speak." But Lapinette knew that the Wabbit had a plan. "Rest easy cacti. Mr Singh assured me you could do the job with the utter diplomacy." The cactus with the jolly smile grinned broadly. "There is the question of renumeration of course. But we'll leave that until later." Lapinette spoke in her sweetest voice. "I've bought you a premium solution of potassium, nitrogen and phosphorous. I got it from Mr Singh." The cacti appeared incredibly pleased and made rustling sounds. Without warning the door creaked open, although there was no-one there. "Our signal to advance," whispered Lapinette. The door gave an ominous creak. The cacti swayed forward and moved towards the entrance. "Look sharp my brothers," said the grinning cactus. His spikes bristled. "We'll round 'em up and knock 'em dead." Then they yelled together. "Spike, spike, spike, spike." Lapinette pulled her gardening gloves on tighter.

5. Lapinette and the Deserted Street

Lapinette was tasked with finding a solution to the plant problem and she knew she might find it here. It wasn't far and even though evening had come round again, she and Susan looked carefully at all the shops. She knew there was a plant shop here, she'd seen it. But where was it? "Keep looking Susan!" Susan dipped her wings and executed a loop the loop. "Steady on there, Susan," squealed Lapinette, "I nearly lost the radio." Susan banked. "I think I see the shop on the other side of the road." Susan swept up and down. "Does it have stacks of cat grass in front." Lapinette clung on tight. "That's the one!" Susan hung on a wing tip. "Not much parking." Lapinette's teeth were chattering. "Just land. People will get out the way." Susan dodged into the central reservation, causing a bus and two taxis to swerve. Several police cars escorting a minor politician took off in fright towards the airport. "Looks like they built this for us," laughed Susan, "But won't we get a ticket?" Lapinette bounded towards Mr Singh's plant emporium. She yelled back. "Don't worry, no-one cares!" Susan tilted onto one wing to allow a screeching ambulance space to pass. It wailed on its way. She heard Lapinette explaining the dilemma to Mr Singh and watched her transport a series of succulents and cactuses on board. "Take off Susan," yelled Lapinette, "before these plants molest me." Susan flew towards the Vatican. "Are they giving you the needle?"

4. The Wabbit and the Plant Headquarters

They knew the plants had to have an HQ and there it was. They crept stealthily in to a building near the castle. Plants stood around in silence. "Do all right for themselves," commented the Wabbit. They pulled out their edged weapons and crept downstairs. Lapinette took the lead and when she encountered a plant-based chair she stuck her weapon into the foliage. There was a small squeak. "It speaks," she said with sarcasm. Wabsworth looked at the Wabbit. "Your ears have grown!" The Wabbit grimaced. "It's all the excitement." He tried to retract them, but they continued to grow. "Must be environmental." He glanced at a sign above a door and shuddered. "They have a meeting room!" yelled Lapinette. The plants cowered back. "They don't seem to like sudden noises," said Wabsworth. "You don't suppose they have a leader?" asked Lapinette. A voice squeaked in a high frequency language they didn't understand. "It's not in my universal translator database," groaned Wabsworth, "I think we have to add it." The Wabbit didn't sound cheerful about that. "Any ideas, Lap?" Lapinette waved her edged weapon. "They transmit biochemical and electrical signals. And volatile organic compounds." The Wabbits enlarged ears flapped. "Yes, I can understand them. They're saying 'don't hurt us'."  He made a series of unintelligible high pitched sounds. Wabsworth made calculations. He joined in the conversation and received a reply. He shook his head. "Unbeleafable!"

3. The Wabbit and the Sticky Tendrils

Susan spotted the Wabbit and Lapinette in one of the many lanes in the artisan district and thought it best to drop Lapinette there and then. Lapinette found herself ejected onto the cobbles. "Eeeek," she yelled. Wabsworth and the Wabbit stared blankly. There were flowers and plants everywhere. "Glad you could drop in!" said the Wabbit. Lapinette waved her paws. "These plants are all over the place, they're taking over!" The Wabbit looked down aghast. "I thought it was a new initiative by the Mayor. You know, for the pilgrims." He brushed frantically at his fur. But the plants were hard to shift. Wabsworth did the same. "I've got some systemic weedkiller in my fur. It might do the trick." But there was no way to detach from the sticky tendrils. Passers-by made their way along the lane but were quickly overcome by sticky green weeds. They all looked up. Susan was hovering overhead. "Can she pull us free?" yelled the Wabbit. "I don't think so," said Lapinette, "She had difficulties earlier." The Wabbit began frantically search his coat. "I have a pair of secateurs I got in a market." As the Wabbit fiddled around, Lapinette started to yank him away. By this time Wabsworth was able to free himself - and he joined in. Together they pulled and pulled, until with a sound like a suction cup the Wabbit managed to detach himself. "Who said flowers were delicate?" he moaned. "The flower people?" retorted Lapinette.

2. Lapinette and the Dangerous Flowers

It was New Year and Lapinette was celebrating her birthday. An unusual flight with Susan the Biplane had been promised - and she decided to accept the offer. They flew high over Rome and descended on Monte Mario to take in the view. But as they approached, strange plants reached out to grasp the undercarriage. With a burst of throttle, Susan shook them off. Lapinette looked back down. "They're like apple blossom. And this isn't spring." Susan wheeled round. "And they're not usually as tenacious. These grip like crocodiles." Lapinette coaxed Susan in the direction of HQ. "Better report in." Susan gave a giggle. "I doubt anyone will be there. I'll bet they're all shopping in the sales." Lapinette laughed. "Including the Wabbit and Wabsworth. They're after another camera lens." Susan responded with a cackle. "Like they need one." The plane shook. "More plants!" yelled Susan. She headed off above the Tiber, figuring they'd be less plants. But the city was alive with apple blossom. It twisted round towers and covered buildings. Tendrils hung from the Colosseum and blossom covered the Circus Maximus. "At least nothing is fruiting." Lapinette's aversion to fruit was well known. "I wouldn't say that!" said Susan. "I can see a giant orange." She veered in the direction of one of the main shopping streets. "It looks clear over there." Lapinette nodded. "Find a place to land." She waited. Then she spotted tendrils making their way across Via Paula bus station. One bus was completely full of plants. "Susan. On the other paw, land anywhere you like!"

1. The Wabbit one Hogmanay Afternoon

The Wabbit was drifting up Via Gregorio VII, deep in contemplation. It was a fine Hogmanay afternoon. Things were quiet. All the shops were closed, even the Wabbit's favourite bar. A few stragglers made their way home, bearing liquid refreshment. The sun threw long tranquil shadows on the sidewalk. A sudden shout split the silence. "What ho, Commander!" Wabsworth had crept up on the Wabbit and aimed to surprise him. "Hello Wabs, what gives?" said the Wabbit. Wabsworth gave him a funny look. "You know what day this is?" "Aye," said the Wabbit, "It's Hogmanay."  They both walked up the road together. "Are we ganging thegither?" asked Wabsworth. "Like freedom and whisky?" laughed the Wabbit. "Best not to peak too early," Wabsworth smiled. He was an android copy of the Wabbit, so he knew all that stuff. "Where's Lapinette? Cleaning the house?" The Wabbit grinned. "She left that to the Department. She's giving a pre New Year address to the powers that be." "Who be they?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit turned to look at Wabsworth. "They be the high heid yins." Wabsworth cackled. "Kilts wae tweed jaikets and haggis filled sporrans?" The Wabbit shrugged. "Some things never change." Wabsworth shrugged too. "Ah weel, Happy Hogmanay?" The Wabbit pretended to look appalled. "You know fine weel no-one ever says that."

The Wabbit at his Xmas Adventure Caffè

The team gathered at the chosen Adventure Caffè to discuss the latest crazy Adventure. Wabsworth was still fiddling with the movie camera. He looked up. "Go on Skratch. Tell us what kind of adventure we just had." Skratch was about to begin when Wabsworth pressed a switch. A skeleton appeared behind. the Wabbit. He pressed it again. People in the Caffè began shrieking. The skeleton began to wave, and it let out a long low moan. "Good fun, this machine," commented Wabsworth. The Wabbit and Lapinette didn't turn a hair. Skratch was faintly amused. "That's quite a projection device. Does it sing?" Wabsworth nodded. He had secretly programmed the device beforehand. He smiled. The skeleton began to warble. "Jingle Bones, Jingle Bones. Jingle all the day! Oh what fun, it is to be, a bag of bones all day!" Customers smiled. Now they realised it was fake, they could go on with their important business of eating and drinking. "Well done Wabsworth!" said Lapinette. "Now we can wish everyone a Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas!" grinned the Wabbit. "To one and all!" said the skeleton. "Have a very Merry Christmas, all of our readers!" they yelled.

5. Wabsworth and the Wabbit's Project

The Wabbit and Lapinette tracked Wabsworth down to Campo de' Fiori. He'd been strolling amongst the market stalls but hadn't bought anything. He was delighted to see the Wabbit and even more delighted to find he'd been brought a project. He grabbed the camera. "We can't open it and .." said the Wabbit. With a flick of his wrist, Wabsworth opened the casing. It seemed incomplete but the rudiments of a movie camera were inside. "What's the problem?" he ventured. Lapinette jumped up and down. "When we look through the viewfinder, we can see skeletrons, moving around alive like you or me." Wabsworth examined it. "Like that skeleton behind us." Lapinette and the Wabbit looked behind but could see nothing. They shook their heads. "You can see one?" asked Lapinette. "Yes, replied Wabsworth, "I have superior senses to you." The skeleton rolled back his head and roared with laughter. "I heard that," said Lapinette. "So did I" The Wabbit nodded with vigour. "It's a hologram," grinned Wabsworth. "This unusual camera has been adapted to project holographically. With a sense of humour." He flicked a switch and Lapinette and the Wabbit could see the skeleton. He flicked the switch the other way. The skeleton disappeared entirely. But so did the Wabbit. Wabsworth gave the camera a shake. The Wabbit reappeared. "Intermittent fault," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit groped his fur to see if he was really back. "I don't believe it!"

4. The Wabbit and the Skeleton Chair

"Let me have the camera," said Lapinette. She looked through the viewfinder and there were three skeletons. They seemed to be window shopping. "Skeletrons all right," she murmured. The Wabbit could see nothing, only an old chair. "I can see an old chair with the springs sticking out." Lapinette laughed. "So can I." The Wabbit grabbed the camera. Now he could see three skeletons. He handed it back with a grimace. "Three ladies and a man," said Lapinette. "How can you possibly tell?" asked the Wabbit. "Pelvis and the head," replied Lapinette. She was a bit of an archaeologist in her spare time and had seen more than a few ancient bones. "I suppose the ladies are window shopping," said the Wabbit. "Oh," said Lapinette, "How can you tell?" "Just a hunch," smiled the Wabbit. Lapinette pondered. "I suppose the camera sees different things." "In time and space," said the Wabbit. Lapinette snorted. She usually knew better than to argue with the Wabbit, but she risked it. "Not on that chair they didn't." "Maybe they arrived on it," smirked the Wabbit. "They wouldn't have the guts for it," quipped Lapinette. "I suppose the chair's waiting to be recovered," said the Wabbit weakly. "That's enough of that," groaned Lapinette, "so what are we going to do?" The Wabbit thought. "We're going to go to Wabsworth, open the camera and take it apart." Lapinette groaned again. "With a skeleton key." 

3. The Wabbit and the old Movie Camera

Via Giulia warmed up under a cloudy sky as Lapinette and the Wabbit tumbled out of the church junk shop. They were clutching an old movie camera like treasure. The Wabbit moved the viewfinder to his eye and squinted. "Needs work," he said. "What's that lens at the top," asked Lapinette. "It appears to be a light meter," replied the Wabbit. He knew the camera was eight millimetre but he'd never seen one quite like this. He moved it into the orange light from a hotel's Christmas decorations. "I think it used double 8mm. After exposure it would be split at the processors. It doubled the length." Lapinette shrugged. "What lab would you take it to?" The Wabbit gave a wry laugh."I rather doubt there are any. This camera's day is long gone. I'll take it to Wabsworth." Something flickered in the viewfinder. The Wabbit gasped. "That's strange." He looked again. "People look like skeletons. They're moving around. They look bad to the bone." Lapinette shrieked. "Skeletrons?" He reexamined the camera. It whirred. "That's funny. There was no film inside." He tried to open the compartment, but it was stuck fast. "Maybe there's a hare in the gate?" suggested Lapinette. "Very funny," grunted the Wabbit. "Let me see for a second." Lapinette grabbed the camera and looked through the viewfinder. "Aaagh! I don't like the look of this!" she squealed.

2. The Wabbit and the Charity Shop

Inside the doors was a warm and inviting space. It was a charity shop run by the church and there was every chance he might find an unobtainable item. He grinned with pleasure. His eyes flickered over the artifacts. There were objects of every possible description, and they seemed in no particular order. The Wabbit rubbed his paws together in glee. He was glancing around when he heard a noise. With a shriek, Lapinette jumped out from behind a giant vase. The Wabbit placed his paw on his heart in fake surprise. "I thought you were my assailant. Good thing I didn't shoot you!" Lapinette smiled. "My Wabbit. Is someone after you?" The Wabbit balanced between crockery. "Not in the Holy Charity Shop, I hope." Lapinette went to the door and looked outside. "Not a soul. Must have been your imagination." The Wabbit knew his imagination didn't need any help. He looked at the goods. "See anything that takes your fancy?" "Yes," laughed Lapinette. "As it happens, I saw a pile of ancient cameras." The Wabbit paid little attention, but it was a ruse. "Over there," she pointed. The Wabbit was an old hand at markets and thought if he showed too much interest, the price would go up. "Where?" he asked. "There," said Lapinette. "Oh, these old things." The Wabbit looked disinterested but he wandered over for a look. His eyes lit up and his paw stretched out ...

1. The Wabbit and a Hazardous Hop

The Wabbit wasn't strolling and he wasn't hopping. He was stomping. His feet hit Via Giulia's cobbles with each step. He was convinced he was being followed, and he wanted to let the follower know he was being followed. It was a bit hard on the feet. The Wabbit ignored it. He felt in his fur for his automatic. It was reassuring even if he didn't use it. He'd always liked Via Giulia, but tonight he felt an air of menace. Perhaps it was just damp in the air from an unexpected shower. He had a loose arrangement to meet Lapinette over by Campo de' Fiori - maybe for the cinema, maybe a prosecco. But he knew Lapinette liked Via Giulia so she might pass this way. A boot scraped on the cobbles. He looked behind him. There wasn't much of a sidewalk and loose cobbles made his passage hazardous. He cursed the slow rate of progress on the road and hopped across a deep pothole, scattering a few cobbles. There was that noise again. It wasn't really a footstep, more of a scraping or a grating. He noticed a doorway to a church he knew and decided to make a visit. At the very least he might throw off his tail. He smiled at his pun and made for the door. The noises died away. The thought of meeting Lapinette cheered him up, so he grinned and pushed his way through the heavy swing door.

The Wabbit's Famous Adventure Caffè

They met before the Adventure Caffè. Each had told the other they were going to get the whisky for St Andrew's Day. Each went separately to Doreca because they had the best stock of malt whisky in town. So they met outside by surprise. Lapinette hung on the door. "What kind of whisky would you like?" The Wabbit laughed. "Laphraoig with extra peat." The Wabbit would drink pure unadulterated peat if he could. Wabsworth was an android and expected to come up with something unusual."Torabhaig please, for the discerning android." Lapinette was expected to make an exciting choice but plumped for tradition - with Lagavulin. "A tasty and invigorating experience," she trilled. Skratch made an interesting geo-political choice. "Auchentoshan, a lowland malt with an Irish heritage." He sniffed as if he could already smell it. "Lapinette, off you go," said the Wabbit. "Put it all on the Department's expenses account." Wabsworth was dubious. "Will they authorise that?" The Wabbit grinned. "I'll sign it through as cultural spending." They all laughed. "OK, Skratch," said Lapinette. "What was that for a sort of adventure we just had?" Skratch meaowed. "It's a case of the parts and the whole." Lapinette swung on the door. "Yes, it has a seamless unity which merged with its own construction." Wabsworth looked serious. "In the tradition of the Moebius Strip?" The Wabbit felt a joke coming on. "Let's go down to the Strip, see what Caffè mischief we can rustle up."

6. The Wabbit and the Derelict Beach Hut

The Wabbit and Lapinette came stumbling out of a derelict beach hut on Fregene beach. "Do get a move on, Wabbit." Lapinette waved her paws frantically. "This place is going to vanish into the sea!" She hurried along, her tartan frock flaring behind her. The Wabbit looked unconcerned and gave a friendly wave to the Raven he'd left behind. But the weather was closing in. He heard a peal of thunder and glowered at the sky. "Accursed weather," he grimaced. He sank into the sand - which was beginning to shift. "Better get out of here," he muttered. "I just said that," shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit leaped over the rocks. "What about the tourists?" Lapinette growled. "Can you see any?" They made their way further up the deserted beach. They looked behind them. The beach hut crumbled. Rafters fell with a crash. Before long, the hut was gone. Wind blew sand across the remains. "What about the Raven?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit shrugged. "He'll be fine in his bunker." They knew the Raven's plans for a tourist revival were becoming remote. They turned and looked to see if any of the many seaside restaurants were open. Most were shuttered against the weather, but lights glowed from Il Delfino. "I can smell fish." Lapinette looked delighted. The Wabbit's nose twitched. "And prosecco." They headed in the direction of the restaurant. "Shall we enjoy a tasty meal?" He brushed sand from his fur. "We'd be foolish not to," murmured Lapinette. 

5. The Wabbit and the Raven on the Cloud

They rounded a corner and made their way through a bleak tunnel. It was half reinforced by iron rods and concrete blocks. Some one had built it to last. "Caw," said a voice. They came to a standstill. "I know that caw," said the Wabbit. Lapinette stretched her paws out. "So do I. Nice Raven. Nice Raven!" The Raven cawed again. "I'm not nice, I can be thoroughly unpleasant. I have my own cloud." Lapinette grinned. "How many ravens do you know, Wabbit?" The Wabbit stuck his paw in his fur. "Just this one. Same as you." The Raven fluttered. "Do you require a message? You may have one if you brought me power tools." The Wabbit laughed. "I'll put in a chit." Lapinette had her paws on her hips. "What is this place, Raven?" "This is the Bunker under the Beach. Built to repel nuclear attack." The Wabbit shook his head. "Scrapped?" The Raven cawed long and hard, then shrugged with its wings. "It fell under a spell. Things vanished into thin air. Just junk, dreams and this cloud remain." They stood quietly for a while, drinking in fresh air that came from a nearby inlet. "I suppose you want out," cawed the Raven. "That would be a plan," commented the Wabbit. "I'll take you, but I have a message for outside," said the raven. "This location needs refurbishment, tourists, coach tours." Lapinette folded her paws. "And a caffe-bar." The Wabbit dug his paw into his fur. "I'll put it to the Department. In the mean time, look out for that cloud or you'll be mist."

[Raven by https://pixabay.com/users/dshap-35921910/]

4. The Wabbit and the Storage Facility

The Wabbit and Lapinette dropped through the steep chasm. Sand gave way to bricks. They found themselves in an abandoned storage facility. The Wabbit picked himself up and dusted himself down. "Amazing what you find under the beach." On instinct he dug in his fur for his automatic. Lapinette was already on her feet and waving an edged weapon. The Wabbit felt a negative presence and he fired. Lapinette swung the blade and connected with something. She felt the blade carve into an object - but to no avail. "Something here," muttered the Wabbit. "Nothing good," growled Lapinette. She expected to see a sign, blood, hair, something. The Wabbit fanned the trigger, more for effect than anything else. He fired a few more rounds, just to watch bullets ricochet around. "Only ghosts." Lapinette shrugged. She peered into the gloom. "What's in the storage cannisters?" She tapped one with the handle of her knife. "They sound empty." In the Wabbit's experience cannisters were seldom empty. They both shrugged. Weapons at the ready they made their way along the passageway. Yet all the time they sensed a presence. Lapinette shuddered. The Wabbit tapped another cannister with his gun. "Oooooooooooh." The Wabbit tapped again. "Make yourself known." Lapinette tapped too. "Nooooooooooh." "I thought I detected a negative presence," snorted the Wabbit.

[Background picture: https://pixabay.com/users/conner-95506/ ]

3. The Wabbit as Clouds Rolled In

Things changed. The sky had been the clearest blue but dark clouds rolled in and rain began. Little spits at first, then all of a sudden, lashing rain. The Wabbit and Lapinette scampered for cover and took shelter by an old out-building in need of repair. "Ah well, worse things happen at sea," said the Wabbit. Lapinette gave the Wabbit a look and plucked an umbrella from her frock. "You think you're very funny." She put up the umbrella and they both sheltered under it. The building gave them a little protection, but the rain was approaching horizontal. The Wabbit was glad of the umbrella. He said so. Lapinette gathered much-needed warmth from the building. "Get closer to the wall, Wabbit."  He leant against it and muttered something about clouds and rain and general wetness. The sky grew blacker, and he heard a peal of thunder. He gave an involuntary shudder. "Do remember the cloud entity?" Lapinette nodded. "That was in Torino in specific circumstances." The Wabbit dug his feet into the sand. "I feel an adventure coming on." Lapinette did the same. "Nothing from the Department." "The Department is slow," said the Wabbit. At that moment he heard a noise. It was somewhere between a creak and a slosh. They both looked down. The sand was giving way. A chasm appeared. "Looks deep!" With a sudden lurch they were sliding. Lapinette grasped her umbrella as if it would help. The Wabbit grabbed her paw as they both vanished into an ever-widening fissure.