The Wabbit and the Big Green Thing

"Control do you read me? Over," said the Wabbit and then he said it again for good measure. The radio crackled. "Ground Control, Commander. What can we do for you?" "Do you have a manual of Unidentified Flying Things to hand," asked the Wabbit. "No Sir!" replied Ground Control. "Why not?" said the Wabbit sharply. "Not much call for it," said Ground Control. "Well I am reporting an Unidentified Flying Thing," said the Wabbit. "What do you think it is, Sir?" asked Ground Control. "If I knew, then it would be an Identified Flying Thing!" snapped the Wabbit. There was a sudden crash as the Wabbit lost altitude and he grappled with the controls and yelled. "Control, do you have an expert on Unidentified Thingies?" "He's on vacation," said Ground Control. "Find him," growled the Wabbit. "It would be useful if you could describe the thing, Sir." "Yes of course, before it drags me into its innards," muttered the Wabbit. "It's a Big Round Green Thing with a Pulling Everything Inside Thing attached, is that OK?" he said. "Patching you through to our expert in Machu Picchu," crackled Ground Control. "Machu Picchu," grumbled the Wabbit and he steadied the joystick as the plane shook violently. "Hello Commander," said a voice. "Enjoying your holidays?" asked the Wabbit through rattling teeth. "Yes, awfully nice. Good line isn't it? I can hear you so clearly," said the expert. "Grrr. I don't care, what am I supposed to do?" shouted the Wabbit. "Pray," said the expert.

The Wabbit Flies Out

As the Wabbit glanced down he could just make out Big Blue Snail. He dipped his wings twice in greeting and happily patted one of his blue canisters. Now the Wabbit was able to change course and he smiled to himself as he muffled his radio with a paw. "Major Tom to Ground Control," he whispered." The radio squawked and squealed and an angry voice said, "This isn't Lifegate Radio, Commander!" The radio squawked again and the Wabbit fiddled with the squelch control. "Patching you through McGarrett," said Control in a resigned tone. The Wabbit grinned as he heard Lapinette's voice. "Wabbit can you see anything?" asked Lapinette. "I saw Big Blue Snail," said the Wabbit. "Where are you then?" sighed Lapinette. "Over the Mole Antonelliana. Snail's on a picket of museums," said the Wabbit. "He needs to move on," said Lapinette. "And quickly," said the Wabbit. "Can you see the clouds the Alpine wabbits talked of." asked Lapinette. "Yes the clouds are a little strange," replied the Wabbit. "Alto cumulus?" said Lapinette. "They're my favourites," said the Wabbit, "but they're swirling up and down." "Then approach with stealth," said Lapinette. The Wabbit bent down and adjusted the propeller pitch. Then he expertly removed a circuit board from behind the instrument panel and threw it over his shoulder. "Setting a course in," said the Wabbit. "In bocca al lupo, bello," said Lapinette and then she was gone. The Wabbit thought for a minute. "Crepa," he murmured. "No amount of careful planning can beat pure luck."

In bocca al lupo. (In the mouth of the wolf) = Good luck. Crepa: = May the wolf die

The Wabbit brings his own Equipment

“The Mission, “ said Lapinette," is of critical importance." "Importantly Important," agreed the Wabbit. "Do continue." "Alpine wabbits are reporting strange weather conditions." explained Lapinette. "They always do," said the Wabbit. "This time, they're right," said Lapinette. "You have to fly through the clouds and see what's happening," The Wabbit put a paw to his forehead and dramatically looked around. "Then," said Lapinette, impatiently, "you must seed the clouds with silver iodide and dry ice," "OK," said the Wabbit and made a clunky sound. "What on earth is that you’re holding so carefully,” said Lapinette. "It's my secret emergency weapon," said the Wabbit. "Lapinette stared at it for a long time.”What does it do?" she asked finally. The Wabbit shuffled his feet and hummed and hawed. "I made it myself," he said." "In a shed, by the looks of it," said Lapinette. "There's a shed round the back of the Department and it's full of useful stuff," smiled the Wabbit. Lapinette made a face at the Wabbit. "Are you expecting company?" she asked. "There's no-one up there you know." "I'll be up there," said the Wabbit. "True," said Lapinette and handed the Wabbit a book. "Here's the manual for the plane," she said. "List of buttons?" asked the Wabbit. "First page," said Lapinette. "Cartoons and competitions?" asked the Wabbit. "It's for adults," said Lapinette.

The Wabbit goes to Eataly

Lapinette could hear the Wabbit's tummy grumbling. "Are you a bit peckish?" she enquired. "I am," said the Wabbit. "That's why we're here. isn't it?" "There's all the salad you can eat at Eataly," said Lapinette. "I know," said the Wabbit. "I have a discount." "I don't get a discount," said Lapinette. "You," said the Wabbit, "are not a member of the Carrot Club." "The Carrot Club?" smiled Lapinette. "We get 15 per cent discount. We have our get-togethers here," said the Wabbit. "What do you talk about?" asked Lapinette. "Carrots," said the Wabbit. "I'm astonished" said Lapinette. "Did you know that you can use compost tea to prevent carrot disease?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm sure the Carrot Club knows everything there is to know about carrots." said Lapinette, suppressing a giggle. “We have our own carrot juice with the Carrot Club logo on the label." said the Wabbit proudly. "What's it like? asked Lapinette. "Crossed carrots on a verdant field," said the Wabbit. There was a lengthy pause in which the Wabbit thought briefly about explaining the secret sign language of the Carrot Club. "Wabbit!" said Lapinette, suddenly breaking into the Wabbit's train of thought. "I brought you here to talk of an urgent mission. It's perfect for a wabbit with one of your special qualities. "Which one?" asked the Wabbit. "Would it be bravery, audacity, or serenity under pressure?" "Recklessness." said Lapinette.

10. The Wabbit gets his Character

"I believe you have my automatic," said the Wabbit. "You asked me to drop off your other coat to be cleaned," retorted Lapinette. "It's a good thing I checked your special pockets." The Wabbit thought for a moment and imagined his automatic going through machines at the laundry. Then he smiled a most sinister smile. "That could have gone badly I suppose," he grinned. "Wabbit you nearly ruined a year of careful planning with your pranks." "Pranks?" said the Wabbit. "We wrapped it all up." "That's not the point," said Lapinette. "Well perhaps the plan should have been implemented the sooner," said Puma. Skratch looked at Lapinette and flinched away. "Oh that's all in the past," smiled the Wabbit, clapping his paws. "Tell me Lapinette, what was all that holograph stuff?" "The holographic creatures live on a single surface that includes all their information." said Lapinette. "They would break free and travel the space-time continuum at speeds faster than light," "With old fashioned explosives," murmured Skratch and he dug Puma sharply in the ribs. "It's a puzzle, but trading arms seems to energise them." said Lapinette. "What kind of adventure was it then?" interrupted Skratch, who was bored with quantum mechanics. Lapinette looked at them and sighed.”A comedy western?" Skratch laughed and stood up. "No, we will not die like dogs!" he drawled. "We will fight like lions!" growled Puma. “Because we are ..." shouted the Wabbit with a paw in the air. "The Three Amigos!" they hooted.