6. The Wabbit and the Devil's Best Tunes

They saw him coming from afar. His feet were massive and his paws fearsome, His suit remained sharp and he still wore that supercilious face that they found infuriating. He was humming a tune and it was then that the Wabbit had an idea. He plucked from his fur a set of old bagpipes he's got from his uncle the Chief of Galloway. Lapinette plucked out a tambourine she'd borrowed from the Corries (and never given back). The Wabbit started to play the Deil's awa' wae the Exciseman. The tambourine rattled out a beat. The Devil's eyes became glazed, but his head moved back and forward. His toes curled as he marched. He strode past the Wabbit and far into the sea. The Wabbit watched as he walked forward and gradually submerged under the waves. Finally the water claimed him. It closed over his head with hardly a ripple. The Wabbit let the pipe tune die. Lapinette's tambourine gave a last rattle. "Is he gone?" asked Lapinette. "He's never really gone," replied the Wabbit. "I rather liked his suit." Lapinette was pensive. "The Devil has the best of everything," responded the Wabbit. He tucked the bagpipes away and dusted his paws. "I don't think Davy's Jones Locker will hold him for long." He sighed. "What about a drink?" Lapinette pointed and smashed the tambourine against her leg. "I saw a caffe across there." "It looked closed," said the Wabbit, "but we could open it, leave the money." Then paw in paw, they made their way across the melancholy island. 

5. Tipsy and the Devil's Intention

The Devil changed - as he could. His foray into the city had to be accompanied by a certain amount of style. He looked through the bar door. It was a cold night, but not too cold. Music played. He tapped a tune on his thigh. A young woman tackled a Martini. "How old fashioned," he thought. "I might just have one." He ambled forward. His suit was in vogue without being flashy. He didn't conceal his tail. Round there, people wore all sorts. He was aware of a noise from behind him as Tipsy crept up. "The Devil I do declare!" She sprang and landed on his back. "Oh, desist young rabbit, I know who you are!" The Devil was suave. The Devil was charming. "Mind the threads! Join me in a Martini! Join me in an ickle dwink." Tipsy was tempted, but that was the Devil's intention. He tried to throw her off. Tipsy clung to his back like a magnet to steel. "Take me into the bar then, Mr Devil. Take me over the threshold." He strode in to face the bar. He ordered a Martini with all the trimmings. "How is our mutual friend the Wabbit?" Tipsy clung the tighter. "He sends his best wishes." "Yuk," said the Devil, "he is so full of kindness." Tipsy let go. The Devil felt her paws release their awful grip. "He's coming for you," murmured Tipsy. "He won't stop." The Devil drained his Martini. Then ate all the stuffed olives and smacked his lips. Addressed the barman. "Delightful. My compliments." He shimmered. And vanished.

4. The Wabbit and the Devil may Care

The courtyard was a respite from the gloom. And yet it was not. They were regarded by a sharp suited figure with a sardonic gaze. Standing beside one of his familiars he looked down on the Wabbit. "The  Wabbit," he stated in a clipped tone, A breeze ruffled his suit and his hair. "I am "The Devil," he added. "I am in charge of things." "What things?" announced Lapinette. She pointed. He stared. "Supermarkets, cars, food, airports, that sort of thing. And you." He pointed too. "A cultural icon if you will." He swung around? "You too, The Wabbit." He drawled 'the' until it became unsustainable. "What brings you here, The Wabbit? This place of tourists, snack bars, stained glass windows." "Oh, I came for you, oh pompous one," grinned the Wabbit. The devil affected a sideways look. "People love pompous." He wrinkled his nose. "Am I as you seek?" "I expected a disguise," grunted the Wabbit. "Are you impressed," said the Devil, "I paid for a good one." "You paid?" breathed Lapinette. "The best that crypto currency can buy," smirked the Devil, "although I'm in charge of that too. I mined it myself." He waved a paw. "I'll be seeing you." He turned to go. "Not if we see you first," said the Wabbit. Lapinette nodded. "We'll bring a long spoon. too." The Devil waved. "You can taste my distinct flavour." He smiled once more. "Good luck my prosecco drinking friends." He vanished, leaving only bare cobbles. The Wabbit tried to stop him. But he had changed to nothing in the breeze.

3. The Wabbit and the New Satanists

Raven flapped his wings and made a loud groak from the back of his throat. They were in an underground cavern, misty and mysterious. "Here is the enemy." The Wabbit blinked. "They seem familiar." Lapinette drew an arm across her throat, "Shhhh!". The Satanists marched from a tunnel and talked amongst themselves. "There's someone else here," said the leader. "Nah," said another. "Our familiars took care of everything," They proceeded. "We shall slaughter all Franciscans, they're too nice." "Sickly - icky," said another. "So where's the virgin's blood?" growled the Satanist in charge of the upside down cross. "Vampires got there first, You'll have to make do with fun girls' blood." "I prefer it!" came a voice from the back. "Some Satanist you!" growled the leader. "I was a Satanist when you were still in short pants." "I never wore them." "We could see your shit." "Saggy old sack!" "You weren't even half-assed." "Poo bum smell." Raven whispered confidentially to Lapinette. "Take little notice, if their brains were dynamite, they wouldn't even be able to blow their noses. Do you have the explosives? Before the Big Devil comes." Lapinette fished under her frock. "He's usually in disguise." The Wabbit searched in his fur. "There's a cat that's gone." A flick of the wrist. Dynamite blasted. The Satanists landed in a tangled heap at the other side of the cavern. "That stops 'em pulling our legs," said the Wabbit. "Yet, someone Spake of me," boomed a voice, "I come disguised as the glistening skin of an onion." "You smell," said Lapinette.

2. The Wabbit and the Devils of Assisi

The Wabbit turned and ran up the steps to meet Lapinette. But the sky darkened, the tower tipped right and ghostly creatures appeared in the sky and on rooftops. "I wasn't expecting this, Lapinette." Lapinette looked in all directions and shook her head. "Nor me." A Raven settled beside her. One that she knew. "Why the fancy get-up, Raven?" Raven shook all his feathers. His voice was a gurgling croak and he swooshed his wings. "I'm blending in." The devil with the numbers took a dive at the Wabbit. Lapinette lashed at it. "Don't worry," said Raven, "They're not really real." The Wabbit remonstrated. "Well, that one gave me a nasty nip." "I mean they're not actually evil," added the Raven, "They are Precursors, who carry the signifiers." The Wabbit chortled. "You sound like Skratch." Raven's role was to forecast. "Evil dost cometh and it shall take the form of The Agents of Satanism." The Wabbit slapped a paw to his forehead. "We've met." The Raven continued. "They shall be legion and what they lack in intelligence, they make up for with baseness. They are an overwhelming presence." Lapinette whispered. " They shall not prevail. We will cast them out." The Wabbit ground all of his 28 teeth. "It's us who do the casting around here!" The Raven whooshed his wings and quoted Ephesians. "There shall be no coarse joking or obscenity or foolish talk." Lapinette giggled softly. "That rather lets you out, Wabbit!" 

1. The Wabbit and Tipsy visit Assisi

The Wabbit and Tipsy were strolling down the hill from the Basilica of San Francesco when they ran into a group of nuns. The nuns became extremely excited. "Oh look, there's the Wabbit with one of his young friends." One nun was over-excited. "She looks the worse for wear. That must be Tipsy." They continued down the hill, "That's a put-up job," said another nun, "I heard she's totally teetotal." Tipsy overheard. "I am not! I'm looking for a bar." The nuns flocked together. "Were going there ourselves. Join us." Tipsy swayed in agreement. The Wabbit merely grinned "Tell me, Commander," asked the Mother Superior, "What was the theology of your latest adventure?" The Wabbit smiled once more. "You'll need to ask Skratch. He's in charge of analytical theology!" They hopped for a while. Tipsy felt mischievous. "If I started to run down the hill, how many tourists would follow?" She began to pick up pace. So did other tourists. Very soon, all the tourists followed her. In the quiet space that remained, the Wabbit turned to the Mother Superior. "What shall we do for our next adventure?" The Mother Superior nodded. "Ask your Department. It's supposed to know everything." The Wabbit murmured. "Isn't that your department?" The Mother Superior smiled in a superior way. "When you truly know God, you'll have the energy and boldness for another Adventure."

The late, late Hallow'een Show

The team gathered, somewhat tentatively, at the location the Wabbit had chosen. "This looks like the end of the world, Wabbit," said Lapinette. She jumped on a rock to look around. "Where better?" responded the Wabbit, He concentrated on lighting a fire. The fire steadfastly refused to light. "It's too late now," meaowed Skratch, "The Bunnyman will never find his way here." The Wabbit sniggered. "He will. I sent him a telegram with directions." Lapinette pirouetted. "I don't think you can send them anymore." Wabsworth knew everything, "You can," he said. "The International Telegram Company." The Wabbit grinned. "Yes and I got a reply." Everyone waited. "It says, 'Coming axe chop stop'." He kicked the fire. "He should be here by now." The fire flamed and thunder crackled. A voice spoke, deep and loud. "I am the Bunnyman. Don't kick my flaming fire!" The Wabbit looked upset. "You're not your usual self, Bunnyman. Where's your axe?" He could see brief glimpses of the Bunnyman in the flames. "I'm giving up on them," said the Bunnyman with a sigh. "There are only two things surer," shrugged the Wabbit, "Death and axes." The Bunnyman scowled. "You think your very funny, Wabbit." "Only on the night shift," quipped the Wabbit. "I'll be back and I'll have my axe to chop stop you!" yelled the Bunnyman. With a blood curdling howl, he vanished.