The Wabbit goes to his Adventure Caffè

The team assembled at a shopping centre before going on to an Adventure Caffè. It was nearly lunchtime and the Wabbit felt peckish. He turned in the direction of the bars - all of which were outside. Restaurants within were far from good. He had no wish to indulge in the young people's passion for fake tapas, nor indeed a glutinous hamburger from the Wild West Emporium. "You don't want a bam-bam burger?" asked Wabsworth. "I'd rather Tom Mix shot a cigarette out my mouth," replied the Wabbit. Skratch guffawed. "The Wabbit is old enough to remember Tom Mix as a boy!" The Wabbit drawled. "I recall the day when Tom and I helped Wyatt Earp at the OK Canal." "That's Corral, Wabbit," grinned Lapinette. The Wabbit sniggered to himself. "What was that for a kind of adventure you had with Lapinette," asked Wabsworth. Lapinette sniggered too. "It was one of these filler adventures where no-one knows quite what to do." Skratch meaowed furiously. "I found it rather pleasant. Filler stories can subtly explore social issues through allegorical or symbolic means." Wabsworth laughed. "That sounds like artificial intelligence material, Skratch. I could have invented that for your good self." Skratch was delighted. "That's delightfully reflexive of you, Wabsworth." The Wabbit smiled. "If you're reflexing, Wabsworth. it's time for you to buy the drinks."

7. The Wabbit and the Pleasant Bar

There was little in the way of impact. The Wabbit and Lapinette found themselves in a pleasant beach bar. It was more than pleasant. Lapinette had to admit that. A voice hailed them from the Lepus. "Ahoy there!" called Jenny, "This be a deserted bar in the Med. It be having all mod cons for a holiday destination." Lapinette smiled. But she had not forgotten. "Where the market?" The Lepus answered. "There be an African gentleman along in a second carrying all your market needs upon his back." The Wabbit grinned. "Such as?" Jenny's voice echoed out. "Things for threading things to other things." The Wabbit laughed. "I need one of these things." Lapinette called out. "Anything else?" Jenny answered. "You may purchase any of the furniture before it be washed away. " The Wabbit was quick. "I want that table with all the drawers in the side." Lapinette hesitated. "Where will you put it?" "In my shed," came his reply. "Before it becomes driftwood," he added. "How much?" asked Lapinette. "Be making an offer," called Jenny. "Five euro," said Lapinette. "It be for charity," called Jenny. "Six euro," said Lapinette. "You be driving a hard bargain," said Jenny, "But how do you propose transporting it."  Lapinette made a tutting noise, "On your ship." Jenny 's voice was soft. "There be shipping costs." The Wabbit put his oar in. "We wouldn't want to rock the boat." Jenny's voice came back at once. "These jokes be so fishy that I'll do it for free." "More than we can afford," quipped the Wabbit. 

6. The Wabbit and the Torpedo Bar

The Wabbit and Lapinette found themselves coasting at speed. just above the water. They were between the line laid out by timbers and heading straight for a dilapidated structure. "There it is!" Lapinette was excited. The Wabbit wondered when he was going to get a prosecco. "It looks like something left over from yesteryear," commented the Wabbit. "There will be a bar, I know there will!" Lapinette always seemed to be cheerful. The Wabbit desisted from being grumpy. "The voice said there was only vodka, and I expect it will be the very best." Lapinette proclaimed it would be yummy and ice cold. The Wabbit could confirm that from the temperature of the water. "Baltic cold," he nodded. They skimmed along grazing the timbers. "Maybe there will be a welcoming party," murmured Lapinette. The Wabbit could only imagine. "It looks wartime," said the Wabbit, "Maybe we came back in time and the party will be composed entirely of frogmen." "And women," added Lapinette. They were getting closer and could see that not much remained. "Just enough to make bijou dwellings," snorted the Wabbit. "What's the opposite of bijou?" asked Lapinette. "Gargantuan," said the Wabbit. Suddenly they were being pulled by a giant force. "We're about to find out," said Lapinette, "Brace for impact." 

5. The Wabbit in the Submarine Bar.

With the aid of complicated equipment, Lapinette and the Wabbit transferred to the submarine. But to their surprise, there was no bar to be seen, "Maybe Jenny thought we meant a Bar Class submarine," Lapinette shook her head. "It's too modern, and I'm not certain, but it could be Soviet." A voice rang out over the tannoy. "The bar will shortly be open for the same of hard, very hard and extremely hard drinks." The Wabbit looked puzzled. "There's not much room on a submarine for a bar." The voice replied. "We have ways of getting you there." Lapinette didn't fancy crawling into the torpedo housing and said so. "We wouldn't dream of that," said the voice. "Merely sit on the torpedo you see in front of you. We'll bring you whatever you desire." The Wabbit shrugged and lay astride the torpedo. Lapinette tucked in behind. "Two Proseccos," she cried. "Vodka only!" shouted the voice. The torpedo began to move. It slid into the housing and through a door. "Fire," shouted the voice. Everything turned into blur and the Wabbits found themselves in the deepest blue sea they had ever seen. They were spinning, but levelled out. They could see something amazing. A torpedo house at sea. "There's definitely a bar there," grunted the Wabbit. "Looks like a Vodka Bar!" said Lapinette. "Man is not a camel," toasted the Wabbit, "He must drink." 

4. The Wabbit and the Yellow Bar

Jenny rolled back and forward in a pirate fashion. "This be the first bar." Lapinette could see the Wabbit wasn't happy. "Wabbit, we could at least try it." The Wabbit didn't like yellow. In fact, he hated it. And it also reminded him of the popular tune by the Beatles. He didn't like that either. Jenny laughed. "There be all your favourite rum cocktails." Lapinette hid a smile. The Wabbit only liked one rum cocktail. That was Cuba Libre. Then Jenny said, "There be prosecco, but it also be in yellow." The Wabbit thought he could tolerate that. Lapinette giggled. "I'm going to have a yellow prosecco and if there's a juke box, I'll play songs by Yello." "Oh Yeah," quipped the Wabbit. Lapinette gave a sickly smile. "Bow wow, chick chicka chick, oh yeah," Now the Wabbit swayed. "I'm beginning to warm to the idea, oh yeah, oh yeah." Lapinette swayed too, "The moon, beautiful, the sun even more beautiful. Ah ha ha." Jenny guffawed. "I think you'd better get on that submarine oh yeah. You can have a good time, such a good time, like the pirates of old, chicka chicka." The Wabbit jumped up and down like a dog. "Bow bow wow!" he yelled. He paused. "Got any Malibu?" Lapinette shouted. "The sicklier the better." 

3. The Wabbit and a Sea Market Voyage

Lapinette scrunched up her eyes and thought as hard as she could. "Market, market, market," she thought, "Market we've never been before!" As if by some enchanted hand they were conveyed into a sea of blue. They were on the bridge of the Lepus and Captain Rabbit Jenny was in charge. "Welcome me hearties," she said, "I'm on my way to a market under the sea. It be open today, for the sale of unobtainable objects." The Lepus was close to the surface and sun threw shards of dappled light in the water. "How did you manage that?" asked the Wabbit. "I just made a wish," answered Lapinette. The Lepus engines burst unto life and soon they were making their way down. "Davy Jones Locker be a good place to start," said Jenny. "There are things there that are certainly not available to the common shopper." The Wabbit considered. "Left-handed mariner's loop?" This was met with a loud guffaw. "Nothing so mundane," replied Jenny. "Plenty of ghost cutlery, made from ingots of lost treasure. How do you think dead pirates eat?" Jenny paused. "They make a strange sound when they munch. A screeching, like metal on metal." Lapinette's fur stood on end. But Jenny wasn't finished. "We came across an empty dingy with a pair of boots on it. And two socks." The Wabbit was entranced. "But the weirdest things I saw was a van, making it way in the depths. It had exhaust fumes, the lot. They curled round waves like sea sprites." "See any bars down there?" asked the Wabbit. "Wherever there be ghost ships, there be ghost bars," answered Jenny, "And we be going there ..." 

2. The Wabbit and the Street Stall

The market stall was on the street, and it was a tight squeeze to get past. The Wabbit poked various things. But he either had most of them or didn't want them. He noticed Lapinette sidling up at the far end. "Wabbit, you've got most of these things!" The Wabbit pretended not to care. "I haven't got a left- handed aubergine peeler!" he exclaimed. "You don't need one," responded Lapinette, "you're ambidextrous." The Wabbit considered very carefully. "What about a thing for bashing other things." Lapinette jumped up and down. "We have three already." The Wabbit knew the stall had enough stuff to furnish three kitchens. "I'm looking for an unobtainable item," he confessed. Lapinette had been hearing this for years. "There's no such thing," she said. She folded her paws. "Anyway, there's no point looking here, you need to go to the right market." The Wabbit's paw dropped on a kitchen utensil. "No!" shouted Lapinette. He tried again. "No," yelled Lapinette, "we have a drawerful of these already!" The Wabbit smiled. "Which market do you suggest?" "The non existing market," mocked Lapinette. "Oh. the dystopian fantasy market?" replied the Wabbit. "That's highly niche," said Lapinette, "As niche as a dark web market." The Wabbit grabbed on to the stall - for he felt suddenly dizzy. "Or an NFT market." Lapinette looked serious. "I heard they were as dead as yesterday." "No" said the Wabbit, "As sure as I need a prosecco."