1. The Wabbit and the Unobtainable Item

The Wabbit ambled up the back road to Aurelia. He had no particular plan in mind. Sometimes he would turn and look back, because if he squinted his eyes, he could just see his apartment. If he used his special glasses he could see a lot more. Rather more than he wanted in fact, so he didn't. He was heading for a market in search of an unobtainable item, and he hoped the rain would hold off, because he felt it sullied his fur. "Maybe I should purchase a raincoat?" he mused. He dismissed the thought immediately. "I told my coat a joke, but it just hung there!" He giggled. He had regaled people with that one-liner many times, but no-one ever laughed. All the more reason to repeat it. His search for an unobtainable item was occasionally successful. It was usually a music album which had found its way to a market by accident and he would snap it up without delay. Then there was the strange case of the inwards bent circlip pliers. He'd only had to use it one occasion, but it was worth the money. Once he'd purchased a box labelled 'Peculiar Tools' but he'd never found a use for any of the contents. Lapinette had been trying to get him to throw it out, but he'd refused on the basis that something might come in handy. He thought about Via Urbano II. It was within hopping distance and at the far end there was an old man who sold tools. He'd go there he thought - and he began to hop with menace.  

The Wabbit's Famous Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit and Lapinette waited for Wabsworth and Skratch outside the chocolate shop. They were late and apologetic, having been held up by two young ladies trying to sell books. It happened every time they went to this shopping centre, and they were less than impressed. Wabsworth had an encyclopaedic knowledge of every book ever published. Skratch had a fine library of cinema periodicals dating back to the 1950s. "Skratch!" shouted the Wabbit. "What was that for a sort of adventure we just had?" Skratch gave a mighty hiss. "I found the characters were portrayed as egotistical and untrustworthy." Lapinette laughed. "That's because they were!" Wabsworth shook his head. "I analysed all films in my database. Characters from outer space are generally depicted as creatures who always lie. They are other and not like us." The Wabbit's face was a picture. "Looking at current affairs, I'd say that's an accurate reflection of modern politicians. They say what people want to hear, so that they can be in power." Lapinette nodded. "Yes, I'm afraid that's so." Skratch screeched loudly. "Lucky then, that we have the Department of Wabbit Affairs." He smirked and looked around. "I wouldn't trust the Department to open a bag of crisps," scowled the Wabbit. "And certainly not anything to do with your Dinosaur Fund," said Wabsworth. The Dinosaur Fund was a private account set up by the Wabbit to finance his more unorthodox missions. The Wabbit paled. "I don't think so." Lapinette grinned. "Shall we use some of it to finance today's aperitivi?" Wabsworth looked on with mock dismay. "As long as receipts are duly obtained." 

10. The Wabbit and the Flashy Landing

Quantum landed in Campo de' Fiori which quite surprised onlookers - but they thought it was a new scheme by the Mayor. Some people clapped and others grumped. Diners went about their culinary business, while the Wabbit and Lapinette remained in Quantum's cab. Skratch made a few euro by collecting money, much to Wabsworth's disapproval. "Give everyone a receipt," he said, "It will all have to be accounted for." Lapinette turned to the Wabbit. "What about the prisoners?" The Wabbit flinched. "We have prisoners?" Lapinette waved her paws. "Uberclerk Zzorp and the Reclamoids!" The Wabbit put his head back and laughed. "Put them on at the Circus Maximus, they'll be a hoot." Lapinette felt that the Wabbit's levity was misplaced. "You can't let them run loose on Earth. Who knows what might happen?" Wabsworth chortled from below. "Zzorp might be able to sort out your Dinosaur Account." "Doubt it, no-one can," smiled Lapinette. "I'll take them back on Thursday," laughed the Wabbit. "Today's Thursday," replied Lapinette. "Next Thursday," offered the Wabbit. They were quiet for a few moments. "I suppose we could offer them dinner," said Skratch. "All receipts to be lodged," insisted  Wabsworth. "I'm thirsty," said the Wabbit. Everyone burst out laughing. "I see a waiter bring complimentary drinks for the intergalactic travellers," smiled Wabsworth. The Wabbit was delighted, "Better bring our guests out of the brig and prepare them for a week's stay." Lapinette gave him an old- fashioned look. "I only travel intergalactically on Thursdays," shrugged the Wabbit.

9. The Wabbit and Tonk's Vulnerability

But the Wabbit wasn't coming. Before he knew what was happening, Tonk took on enormous planet-like proportions. He spoke from behind the mountains. "This is my planet and I do what I like."  He grinned a malicious grin. "Ha ha ha," he laughed, "I shall have your map and all copies." The Wabbit floated prone just above the surface of the planet's ocean. He looked up to his left and saw Lapinette and Quantum drop into orbit. "Your friends cannot help you. I am master of all I survey." The Wabbit thought Tonk was too big for his boots and muttered the very same. He twisted and turned, He could break out of this position, he'd done it before. He could see Lapinette and Quantum as they coasted closer. "The drunken rabbit manoeuvre, Quantum," said Lapinette. "I'm a time travelling train, but I'll do my best!" protested Quantum. He went into a steep dive then pulled up under Tonk. Then he dived again. "What the devil," screamed Tonk. "Up, spiral and ram," said Lapinette. Her calm voice suggested she knew what she was doing. The Wabbit knew she'd detected a time rift and he smiled. Quantum bore down and, with all the power of a locomotive, slammed Tonk amidships. Tonk flew apart like a jigsaw and fell through the mountains. Lapinette manoeuvred to the surface. Using technology they'd recently acquired from a space brigand, she beamed the Wabbit aboard. "It works then," boomed Quantum over the loudspeakers. "Maybe he's not the original Wabbit," observed Skratch. The Wabbit was dazed. "Must be my turn to buy drinks," he mumbled. "It's him all right," grinned Wabsworth. 

8. Lapinette on an Adjacent Planet

Quantum and the rest of the crew parked at an adjacent planet. Lapinette and the rest got off and hopped around. The rain was a fine mist that quickly dried on their fur. Skratch strode forward like Captain Kirk of the Enterprise. "Are we just supposed to wait?" Lapinette wheeled round. "Aye Captain." She listened to the walkie talkie but heard only static. Wabsworth complained about the rain. "I don't like this precipitation. It leaves a residue." Lapinette mused on that. "What about the lakes?" Wabsworth tested the liquid. "A tolerable mixture of water and methane." "Tolerable to whom?" "To me," smiled Wabsworth. Quantum grumbled from the rear. "I find being treated as a car most demeaning." Lapinette snorted. "Lump it!" Quantum continued under his breath. "A brain the size of the universe and they treat me like a vehicle." Lapinette was the rabbit in charge, "Stop moaning and compute me the size of this planet and its distance from the Wabbit." Wabsworth groaned because he always disagreed with Quantum. He offered up a number. "5,150 km circumference and hardly any distance from the Wabbit." So close!" Lapinette was stunned. "I can see him coming," added Wabsworth. Lapinette drew herself up to her full height. "Any other vital information?" Both Quantum and Wabsworth snickered. "He's bringing Uber Teller Tonk." "And a crate of Intergalactic Prosecco," laughed Quantum.

7. The Wabbit and the Planet of Tonk

The Wabbit materialised on the planet below. Quantum departed to locate a parking place. He grumbled but off he went. They'd picked up a creature on sensors and it might be Uber Teller Tonk. The Wabbit was delegated to find out. He sauntered on the rough surface of the planet and whistled a merry tune. Tonk was oblivious. He stared at his reflection in the skies. "I am master of all I survey!" he exclaimed. Behind him lay his watery planet. And so did the Wabbit. "Hello there Jimmy," he murmured. Tonk did not turn, but his tinfoil ears moved a bit, "Who dares disturb me here, on my very own exoplanety planet." His arms embraced the scene as if to indicate the scope of his ownership. "Just a wee bit Wabbit from Earth," said the Wabbit. "What do you want?" groaned Tonk. "I'm on vacation," replied the Wabbit. He rummaged in his fur for the reverse map. "You're in the Rough Guide for the Best Planet. It says here for a Wee Visit, speak to Tonk." Tonk continued to stare into space. "I never agreed to any such thing." The Wabbit rocked back on his heels. "Uberclerk Zzorp has papers. Invoices and receipts." Tonk paused. "I should never have got involved with his stupid bed and breakfast scheme." The Wabbit relaxed into holiday mode. "Where are the padlocks with the codes? I'm ready to settle in." Tonk breathed along sigh. "Over there on my watery planet. Every cave has a special number. Please get it right." The Wabbit grinned. "Otherwise?" Tonk grimaced. "It explodes with you inside."

6. The Wabbit and the Mirror Stage

Back in Quantum the Time Travelling Train, the Wabbit's team sped to the chrome planet. Quantum was grumbling. Covered in frost, he felt colder than space. The planet - or rather planets - came in sight. It was like looking in a crazy mirror. "That must be Tonk's place," murmured the Wabbit. "You have a knack for stating the painfully obvious," grumbled Quantum. "We're reflections," gasped Lapinette. "It must be the mirror stage of space," meaowed Skratch. "We're much dependent on external objects," grinned the Wabbit. Wabsworth the android chipped in, "We're being chased by them." A spacecraft and its reflection converged on the planet. "Uberclerk Zzorp!" growled the Wabbit. "Maybe you shouldn't have taken his money," said Lapinette. "And you never gave him any maps," grinned Wabsworth." "Maybe he's mad at you," hissed Skratch. "At us!" shrugged the Wabbit. The team braced for trouble. They heard a noise from the engine room. Skratch's ears stood on end. "A stowaway. In my engine room." "In MY engine room," snapped Quantum. The cabin door opened and through it came a Reclamoid bearing a coffee pot. "Coffee anyone?" it squeaked, "I made it strong." Wabsworth looked with disdain. "Where are the cups?" The Reclamoid hung his head. "I forgot them." The Wabbit shook his head. "Don't worry, I always have coffee cups." He plucked six cups from his fur. Quantum began to vibrate as he disengaged lattice drive. "I'll pass. I'm already shaking enough." The Wabbit saw his face reflected in the shiny surface of the planet. "Find somewhere for us to park." Quantum growled. "I'm a train not a parking attendant." They heard Tonk's giggle from the surface. "Chrome plated pillock!" groaned Wabsworth.