Skratch and Puma escorted the captured Agent to the specified location and then they laughed and laughed! There was food and drink. Agents danced and sang along to wild music. Jenny threw her pirate hat in the air and hooched like a Shetland fiddler. Bells rang out over the stricken city. The captured Agent threw his paws in the air and binkied. The Wabbit began to sing. "A guid New Year to ane and a' an' money may ye see." Lapinette joined in. "An' during a' the years tae come, O happy may ye be." Lapinette's personal guard were already the worse for wear and Tipsy called down. "For the shake of auld lang slime!" Dancing became wilder. "Do you think the truce will hold?" asked Lapinette. "Until the morrow's morn," said the Wabbit. "How can you be certain?" The Wabbit cried with glee. "They'll have bigger hangovers than they have in the Alps." "I'll pass out the aspirins," said Lapinette. "Have you got any now?" asked Jenny. Lapinette pulled a first aid kit from under her frock. The Wabbit passed Jenny a ham and cheese sandwich but not before taking a bite. "How did you find this place?" meaowed Skratch. "Twitter," replied the Wabbit. He executed a pas de basque and downed a malt whisky. "Preventative medicine?" asked Lapinette. "Hooch skirl," yelled the Wabbit.
[A Guid New Year. Sung at Hogmanay (trad Scotland)]
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Saturday, December 30, 2017
12. Skratch, Puma and the Inept Agent
A watery sun rose over the murky river. Reflections looked like second hand soapsuds as the river moved sluggishly through the City of Incontinentia. The Agent was on his own. He had a bit to go and he was late. A wind sprung up and his fur prickled. He leaned against the parapet, puffing and panting and listening to the water slap against the bridge. He thought about the money he would make. He knew if he found the Wabbit, he would be rich beyond belief. "Penny for your thoughts," growled a voice. The Agent started back, but a feline claw sank into his shoulder. "Going anywhere my fine friend?" Skratch purred menacingly and drew the Agent back over the parapet. The wind became stronger and the Agent grabbed at the wall. Puma growled then screeched. There was nowhere for the Agent to go. "Do you like dangling?" asked Skratch and he sunk his claws deeper. The Agent looked down at the water. The wind picked up speed and whipped the surface into a kind of mousse. He shook his head. "Do you believe in dragons?" said Puma. He looked up and so did the Agent. Terni's roar split the sky as he wheeled from behind a cloud. "I was only going to see a show," coughed the Agent in terror. "Is it a comedy?" purred Skratch. He increased his grip. "We like comedy," growled Puma. He pushed the Agent to the edge of the parapet. The Agent looked away from the swirling water below. Skratch laughed and stood on the Agent's paws. "Comedy's when you fall off the bridge."
Thursday, December 28, 2017
11. Jenny and the Lurking Agents
Jenny followed the Agents through the fog. All the way from the docks, they'd chirruped and chattered, so it wasn't so hard to keep pace. Their voices were muffled but Jenny kept close and she could hear everything and more. "We'll get the Wabbit, Skinny," said one. Jenny knew his name was Musty - at least that was what Skinny called him. "Then we'll sell him for gold," said Musty. "To the highest gold digger," giggled Skinny. "Or else we'll dig his grave," laughed Musty. The fog swirled with menace, Lights flickered. There were cries in the dark. "Who's that?" said Skinny suddenly. He glanced over his shoulder. Jenny shrank into the shadows. The slide of an automatic whispered through the fog and Jenny whispered with it. "I must have euro, you know why." "Why?" asked Skinny. "Why, to feed my heart of gold," breathed Jenny. Her sultry voice hung in the damp air. Skinny's eyes lit up with lust and he beat his chest. "Underneath our fur we got, euro and we got a lot!" Jenny stepped from the shadows. "Don't sell cheap, my mother said. Sell expensive, kill 'em dead." The Agents stared into the muzzle of a heavy automatic. "Have you any last requests?" said Jenny. Even though he was far, far away on the other side of the city, the Wabbit heard two shots. "Jenny," he murmured.
Monday, December 25, 2017
10. The Wabbit and the City Fates
Inside, the casino, the show began. Lapinette's personal guard descended from the roof and they were chanting. "We are the fates, we're never late, we're always here, to syncopate the story." The Wabbit found himself grasping cards that floated from above. "There's the Wabbit now," said Fitzy. "Throw him money," said Mitzy. "In Incontinentia everything is about money," yelled Tipsy. "Everything has a price," shouted Fitzy. "Now he can pay!" whispered Tipsy. Lapinette grasped a card and so did the Wabbit. Lapinette's guard slid down the ropes. "It's the poker salon in money town," they chanted. "Never a worry, never a frown," whispered Mitzy, "All you need is ten euro down," sang Tipsy. "And ... pay the rest later," shouted Fitzy. The Wabbit looked at Lapinette. "This is quite a show," he smiled. Tipsy laid a paw on his shoulder and asked a question. "You paid admission at the door?" "Yes," said the Wabbit. "Well now we want ten euro more," grinned Mitzy, "What for?" asked the Wabbit. "Dwinks," answered Tipsy. The Wabbit scooped notes from the floor and passed them over. "We want more," said Fitzy. She dug Lapinette in the ribs. "But if you're a spouse, then it's all on the house." Lapinette burst out laughing, pirouetted and burst into tune. "But we only want fun!" Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy climbed up the ropes and called back down. "Fun is extra!"
Friday, December 22, 2017
9. The Wabbit and the Ghostly Casino
Skratch had been sent ahead, undercover. So Lapinette and the Wabbit hopped straight past him and sauntered up to the ghostly casino. They stared at the poster while Skratch continued his banter. "Two for the price of one, everyone free before seven pm. Unaccompanied lady rabbits - free entrance at all times." The Wabbit put his paw behind Lapinette's back and whispered. "We could go in separately." Skratch couldn't help enjoying his act. "Skip the line, skip the line," he meaowed, waving a bunch of VIP passes. "There is no line," whispered Lapinette. "It doesn't even look open," murmured the Wabbit. "I can help you out," interrupted Skratch. He winked a broad wink. "We're nearly full. Just go round the back and knock, then ask for Wabsworth." The Wabbit winked back and slipped Skratch a heavy duty banknote. "That will do nicely," said Skratch and he tucked the cash in his fur. "May I offer you access to a Party Pit?" he added. "Who's in the pit?" asked Lapinette. Skratch waved a paw. "Dancers, prancers and scantily cladsters." The Wabbit effected surprise. "No necromancers?" "This is Incontinentia," said Skratch, "you only get what you pay for." He leaned forward and whispered. "Just get in, I'll back you up." "What if there's trouble?" asked the Wabbit. Skratch leaned forward to slip an automatic into the Wabbit's fur and purred. "Fire at the mirrors..."
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
8. The Wabbit and Ghosts in the Wash
They met with Lapinette, Mitzy and Fitzy at the agreed coordinates. "What is this awful place?" asked Puma. He scratched the flimsy roof with vigour and it rippled like a rug in a drafty hallway. As if in reply, washing machines juddered into life and drums began to revolve. Each machine span once, then the next and the next. When they finished, they stopped and revolved the other way. Then they sang. "Buy us now and you'll be clean. Clean clean clean, like a tennis team. If you don't buy us right away. Then you'll be dirty all day." Tipsy was forcibly prevented from taking off all her clothes there and then. "Shipshuds!" she cried. Lapinette ignored the washing machines completely and pressed a flier into the Wabbit's paw. "Maybe the explanation is here." The Wabbit examined the card. "A casino?" Lapinette laughed. "Are you feeling lucky?" The Wabbit laughed as well and read the card throughout. "Free entrance," he chortled. "Nothing comes for free in Incontinentia," responded Lapinette. "Maybe they charge a fee to get out," laughed the Wabbit. "Exit money?" snickered Lapinette. "Well. It's tomorrow, let's go," said the Wabbit. Lapinette put her paws on her hips. "What shall we do in the meantime?" "Play cards?" murmured the Wabbit.
Monday, December 18, 2017
7. Tipsy and the Silence of the Agent
They crept into the city by night, but as soon as they arrived, the city ground to a halt. Cars sat at traffic lights. Figures blurred and stopped. But there on a square stood an Agent of Rabit. He was silent, almost motionless, but his mouth seemed to move and Tipsy got annoyed. "I'll get him," she shouted and before the Wabbit could approve it, she ran forward and sprang. Knives flew like birds of prey and one pierced the Agent through the chest. Another knife sliced and blood spattered, but there was no cry of pain. There was nothing at all. "Take that!" yelled Tipsy and she kicked the Agent hard. The Agent swayed and fell to the sidewalk with no sound at all. "It's fake," shouted Tipsy. "As fake as Trump's hair!" smiled the Wabbit. Puma's growl was more of a grumble. "What is this fake place for?" "We're going to find out," said the Wabbit. He hopped forward and inspected the prone figure. "This isn't a real Agent." He rolled it over with his foot. "It's just another faker." Terni the Dragon landed on a couple of pillars and called. "Everywhere is the same, Commander. Nothing is really real." "Maybe we're not real!" yelled Tipsy in exasperation. She kicked a wall ferociously, then shouted in pain. "We're real!" The Wabbit shook his head and grinned. "Let's rendezvous with the team." Terni's wings beat a silent tattoo on the rooftops as Puma and the Wabbit moved off. Tipsy groaned and limped after them ...
Friday, December 15, 2017
6. The Wabbit and the Listless City
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
5. The Wabbit disturbs the Quiet Zone
Monday, December 11, 2017
4. Puma and Terni in the Quiet Zone
As instructed by the Wabbit, Puma and Terni the Dragon made their way across the Zone. "Why do we always get this job?" moaned Terni. The Zone was threatening although absolutely nothing happened there. Terni wondered if that was the reason. He gave a roar and a puff of dragon breath joined the fog. "I thought I saw a twig move," said Puma. "I think I saw it too," said Terni. Puma let out one of his most menacing shrieks but the Zone silenced it. "This must be the quietest place in the world," said Terni. As they carefully moved on, Puma purred a question. "Do you know anything of this City of Incontinentia?" Terni fluttered his cabbage wings. "I hear it's a dreary place, where everything is bought and sold and nothing is worth anything." Puma prodded an uncertain forest floor but felt nothing. "Well, it can't be worse than here." He swerved and tried to kick up a wind, but nothing moved. He pawed at motionless branches. "I can see a sign," observed Terni. Puma waited patiently for news. "It says, 'Shhh! Silence Please'," bellowed Terni. "I don't like it here!" screeched Puma. "Let's try being very, very quiet," whispered Terni. He fluttered down and became as still as a gargoyle. Puma crouched and froze. Then everything started to change ...
Friday, December 08, 2017
3. The Wabbit and the Personal Guard
Fitzy, Mitzy and Tipsy comprised Lapinette's personal guard, so the Wabbit approached with considerable caution. They were prancing on top of the elevator car that went up to the dome and the climb had been arduous. "Ahem," said the Wabbit. Tipsy seemed to be playing a tune on a fearsome edged weapon but she paused. "You shouldn't cweep up on us, Commander." "Jeepers," said Fitzy. She waved an automatic at Mitzy. "Schtick 'em up Shiblet!" Mitzy stroked her snazer rifle and shook her head. "My pawsicles are so full." The Wabbit took a deep breath. "Your Christmas orders." "Put me down for a crate of beer," yelled Tipsy. The Wabbit smiled as benevolently as he could. "No, your mission assignment." Tipsy lurched a bit. "Do tell, Commander!" The Wabbit nodded courteously. "We're going to Incontinentia." Tipsy burst out laughing and couldn't stop. "Cheese Whizz!" said Fitzy, holding her nose. "Are there interesting little shoplets?" asked Mitzy. The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "In Incontinentia, they're everywhere in peril." "Shitake shakers!" shouted Mitzy. Fitzy turned to stare at the Wabbit and racked her automatic. "I call that tyraninny." The Wabbit gently pushed Fitzy's automatic away from his fur. "Tyraninny of the Third Kind," he muttered.
Wednesday, December 06, 2017
2. The Wabbit and Lapinette's Task
Monday, December 04, 2017
1. The Wabbit and the Christmas Paper
The
shops were set to close but it didn't deter window shoppers and they flocked
around like geese on vacation. It was there, just off Via Gramsci where Wabsworth caught
sight of the Wabbit. He was carrying something festive. "Christmas
shopping?" inquired Wabsworth. The Wabbit smiled and patted the
brightly coloured roll of Christmas paper. "I just picked up our
Christmas orders." "Oh," said Wabsworth, "anything
interesting?" "I haven't looked yet," said the Wabbit. Wabsworth was
the Wabbit's android double - but some time had passed since he was made. Now his personality diverged considerably from the Wabbit. So he gave the Wabbit a
nudge. "Let's look now." The Wabbit held the roll to one eye and
looked inside. He shrugged. "There doesn't seem to be
anything in here." He shook it hard, but nothing fell out. "Maybe
it's written on the wrapping paper?" suggested Wabsworth. The Wabbit
looked around, but all the shoppers stared into the windows, pointing and
commenting. "OK," he said, I'll unroll it." Carefully he prised away
some sticky tape and unrolled the paper. They both had a quick look.
"There is something written on a card," cried the Wabbit, "but
this light is terrible, can you read it?" Wabsworth studied it
carefully. Just then, the tiny card came unstuck and fell to the ground. Wabsworth picked it up. "It says, 'Luck, Tyranny and Revenge'." "Cheerful!" grinned the Wabbit.
Friday, December 01, 2017
The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè
The arcade just off Piazza San Carlo was quiet. People drifted past. No-one paid the slightest attention as Skratch descended on the caffè table wearing his new t-shirt. As always, he greeted everyone with the question, "What was that for a sort of adventure?" Wabsworth was the first to respond. "I thought it was a rather jolly rom-com." Skratch's tail shot up straight in the air and quivered for a while. "I agree," he said, "and although the movement of the image tends to narrative resolution, the question of desire was continually foregrounded." "Desire for what?" asked Lapinette. "Desire for a kiss," said the Wabbit. He puckered his lips. Skratch smiled smugly. "We're talking about the kiss and symbolic desire, a jouissance that tests the limits of social reality." "That's Lacan," said Lapinette. Suddenly she slid a hat across the table. "I found it in the market." "A hat such as that is iconographic," meaowed Skratch. Wabsworth peered at the hat. "What does it say round the brim?" "Kiss me quick," said Lapinette, "OK," said the Wabbit brightly and puckered his lips again. Lapinette effected a pained expression. "But I'm not wearing the hat." "Let me put it on for you," grinned the Wabbit.
[jouissance; Fr. enjoyment. In Lacan's psychoanalysis, it is paradoxical enjoyment transgressing pleasure.]
[jouissance; Fr. enjoyment. In Lacan's psychoanalysis, it is paradoxical enjoyment transgressing pleasure.]
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
7. Lapinette and Sealed with a Kiss
With the kiss trapped in the cinema foyer, they considered what to do. The kiss just wouldn't desist and it darted back and forth, kissing movie posters. 'Again', it murmured with each kiss. Suction mwahs echoed dully from girders and plate glass. "It wants another kiss back," sighed Lapinette. "Well, it's your kiss," yelled the Wabbit. With the strength of ten rabbits he hoisted her up. Lapinette flailed and the kiss buzzed past her ears. She grabbed with her paws - but every time the kiss broke free. "Go get it, Lap!" shouted the Wabbit and he hoisted her higher. He saw Lapinette get a bead on the kiss. Her eyes narrowed, then the Wabbit saw her ears twitch in a manner he'd seen before. He kept her rock steady. "Kiss the kiss," he shouted. The kiss dived in, straight as a die - and stuck fast to Lapinette. Lapinette gasped and unpeeled it. "I haven't used that lipstick in years." The Wabbit set Lapinette down. "Phew," he said. But the kiss suddenly jumped at his face. He peeled it off and decided on a date. "Good vintage," he murmured. Lapinette smiled. "I made it myself." The Wabbit threw the kiss directly at Lapinette and said, "The kiss belongs to you." The kiss kissed her lips briefly then vanished. Lapinette tried her lips cautiously, then looked at the Wabbit. "Now you kiss me." The Wabbit puckered his lips. "All in a day's work!"
Monday, November 27, 2017
6. The Wabbit and the Persistent Kiss
Susan the Biplane went into a spin, then lurched and bumped until she was upside down. The Wabbit clambered from the cockpit and dived for the undercarriage. He gritted his teeth in the face of the wind - until a shout from Lapinette alerted him to the kiss heading his way. "Pucker!" Lapinette's message was barely audible, but the Wabbit nodded and complied. Susan steadied as the kiss dived at the Wabbit. He flinched as it veered and whacked him on the ears. "Pucker up!" yelled Lapinette as the kiss swooped round and back. The Wabbit gripped the undercarriage and screwed up his face. The kiss dived. The Wabbit met it head on. There was a splat as the kiss stuck to the Wabbit's mouth. The Wabbit wheezed and gasped for air. "Breathe Wabbit," yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit's sucked at his lungs for all he was worth and breathed out through his nose. The kiss stuck like glue. "Kiss it back!" shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit had little breath to play with but he summoned enough to push outwards. Through the chatter of the engines, Lapinette heard a 'pfah' from the Wabbit. The kiss inflated, then sucked with the force of a high pressure pump. The Wabbit gasped then tried again. This time Lapinette heard a forceful 'Mwah!' and she smiled in triumph. The kiss stopped dead. The Wabbit peeled it from his face and looked at it. "Again," said the kiss ...
Friday, November 24, 2017
5. The Wabbit and the Aerial Kissing
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
4. The Wabbit and the Kiss Window
Together with Scarecrow, they pursued the flyaway kiss. Just as they passed a bookshop window, a voice spoke. It was a familiar voice and it seemed to have a point of view on kissing. "It kissed me twice, that's more than usual," said a face in the window. The kiss buzzed past Lapinette's head and flew down the street, leaving an indelible mark on the face. "Come back kiss," shouted the face. But the kiss took no notice and flew on. The face seemed to turn to Lapinette. "Is that your kiss? You should take better care of it." Lapinette ignored the vanishing kiss and explained. "My kiss escaped from a charity event and we can't stop it." "I'd like to help you," gazed the face, "but my face is under house arrest." The face managed a wry smile. "The only way to stop a kiss is to kiss it back." Lapinette scowled. "I can't kiss my own kiss!" The Wabbit grinned. "Then I'll do it. I must meet it face on." "Absolutely precisely, with passion. No half kissing," said the face; "that's just kissing in self defense." The Wabbit thought for a bit, but as he pondered, the kiss zoomed back, making mwah sounds as it swooped around. It hovered close to the Wabbit's head and he made several attempts to kiss it directly - all without success. "That was a near kiss," said the face. With a whooshing noise, the kiss vanished again ..
Monday, November 20, 2017
3. The Wabbit and the Flyaway Kiss
Friday, November 17, 2017
2. Lapinette is Swept off her Feet.
The Wabbit danced Lapinette all the way to the city centre, the city sustaining only minor damage. But at a crossroads, the Wabbit came to an abrupt halt. He hadn't run out of steam as Lapinette thought, because suddenly she was thrown in the air and then gently held in place by the Wabbit's paws. She threw her arms wide. "Where are we?" "If I knew where we were," said the Wabbit, "I couldn't have danced here." The Wabbit let Lapinette down and glanced around. "Do you think the place is here?" asked Lapinette. "I think it's a clue," said the Wabbit. "We should have proper instructions, not clues," commented Lapinette. A cooing from above took their attention as a large dove swooped from the rooftops. "Parakalo!" yelled the Wabbit. "Parakalo!" shouted Parakalo. Lapinette waved and shouted. "Do you have a message for us?" Parakalo circled three times. "I am the message," he cooed. Lapinette and the Wabbit sighed. "We're secret agents, not parlour game puzzlers." Parakalo continued to hover. Then something flew down and stuck to the traffic sign. "That looks like a kiss," said the Wabbit. "It looks like one of mine," murmured Lapinette. "Sold at a charity do?" suggested the Wabbit. Lapinette cast her mind into the dim and distant past. "Maybe," she shrugged. The Wabbit climbed the pole. "I'll get it down." "Be careful," said Lapinette, "It might still be hot."
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
1. The Wabbit and the Missing Address
"The address said here." The Wabbit looked all round, then shook his head like a donkey. "It's closed," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit stood his ground. "These are the coordinates I was given." Lapinette gave a mock sigh and nudged the Wabbit. "Couldn't you get an ordinary address like normal rabbits?" The Wabbit shook his head again. "It's how the instructions came." "How did the instructions come?" asked Lapinette. "Carrier pigeon," said the Wabbit. Lapinette wasn't terribly surprised. "Where are the instructions now?" she asked. "I ate them," said the Wabbit. He made a face. "They tasted quite awful. I wanted pistachio flavour." Lapinette stifled a giggle. "What did they taste like?" "Cough medicine," scowled the Wabbit. The street was quiet, as it normally was on a Sunday morning - maybe even quieter. "I'm uncertain why we're here," said Lapinette, "maybe we should wait." The Wabbit grinned and leaned against the fence. "Waiting time with you is always too short." Lapinette pirouetted. "That's because good things come to those who wait." "What kind of good things?" smiled the Wabbit. "Wait and see!" answered Lapinette. The Wabbit looked swiftly from right to left. "Would you care to dance?" Lapinette folded her paws across her chest. "What are your dancing qualifications?" "Bronze Medal," said the Wabbit. Lapinette pretended to swoon. "Teach me!"
Monday, November 13, 2017
The Wabbit at the Breakfast Caffè
Friday, November 10, 2017
7. Ghost Bunny and the Hellfire Club
Wednesday, November 08, 2017
6. The Wabbit and the Dance Lords
Intoxicated by the bad air, they danced frantically. After a while, Lapinette became exhausted and knelt by the wall. Cries urged her on and she raised one paw in reply. Wabsworth felt his walkie talkie vibrate. At first he thought it was part of the tune, but it activated a safety circuit and he ground to a halt. "Stop the Dance, Commander!" he yelled. "I can't," replied the Wabbit. Wabsworth kicked the Wabbit's legs from under him and he sank to the floor. "Gotta dance," he murmured. "It's a trick," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit shook his head several times and hit his ear with a paw. "Still in Hallowe'en," he sighed. He looked at Lapinette, then shook her. "I was watching the funny little creatures," she murmured. The Wabbit prodded her sharply. With a look of horror, she leapt to her feet and kicked the black beast that had crawled from the wall. It vanished into a crack and the music began to fade. "There's more," yelled Skratch. He bounded across the hearth and up towards the window. "We have trouble," he meaowed. Flames crawled and crackled around the small aperture and things inside got hotter. The Wabbit heard the radio whine and he glared at Wabsworth. "Who's on radio duty?" Wabsworth took the radio and spoke into it gently. "Duty Operator? Identify." "Transmettitore Zero Dark," replied a voice. "Temporal emergency," snapped Wabsworth. "Protocol H .."
Monday, November 06, 2017
5. Jenny and the Unknown Menace
Major Spitlove crouched by the stairs. He heard music, murmuring and squeals so he clutched his axe tightly and shrank into the shadows. He didn't have to wait long. There was a burst of light as a figure launched itself from upstairs. An automatic loomed like a ship out of a mist and behind it was Captain Jenny. The gun spat three times. Each time there was a roar of anger. Jenny hit the ground with a thud and leaped into the dark. Major Spitlove peered as muzzle flashes lit a ruined hallway. He could only see amorphous shifting shapes, lapping at the walls. Rasping grated around the building like a saw on a tin roof. He heard three more shots then ducked as a bullet flew past his ears. Mortar fell on his head and dust went up his nose. "Aaaachoo," he sneezed. Jenny stepped from the gloom. "I could use a helping paw, Major." Spitlove nodded and lifted his axe. "What about the bad air?" he asked. "I'm impervious," said Jenny. She blew into the muzzle of her automatic. "Besides, I've got a cold." Spitlove hopped into the hall. "I'm on the trail of creatures who invade buildings and pose as ghosts." Jenny laughed a pirate laugh. "Fake ghosts, spooking?" Movement from the hallway made them both spin round. Jenny ejected the clip from her automatic, replaced it and fired a volley of shots. Then she shrugged. "No ghosts, no haunting .."
Friday, November 03, 2017
4. Wabsworth and Hell on the Hill
Thursday, November 02, 2017
3. The Wabbit and the Devil's Jig
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
2. The Wabbit and Hellfire Hallowe'en
"Where is everybody?" The Wabbit waved a screwdriver impatiently. "You can't poke a fire with a screwdriver," said Lapinette. She shivered at a strange chill in the air - and while she considered what it might be, she warmed her paws by the flames. "I said 11.30 sharp," sighed the Wabbit. He waved his screwdriver so vigorously, it flew in the air and tumbled into the fire. Skratch looked at the bonfire with distrust. But his radio crackled and he listened. "Wabbit! Everyone's delayed in traffic." The Wabbit shook his head and scowled in disbelief. "They're up to something. Some trick." Skratch meaowed mournfully. "Same trick every year, no one believes in the Bunnyman, Wabbit." Lapinette's ears suddenly swivelled. "Can you hear teeth chattering?" Her whisper cut across the fire's crackle and startled Skratch for an instant. The Wabbit grinned and leaned forward to tell a tale. "In the old days, the gentry would come here to the Hellfire Club." "What for?" asked Lapinette. "Shenanigans," said the Wabbit. "But one night a woodsman knocked at the door to sell firewood and was attacked. Skratch purred for more and the Wabbit continued. "In the struggle that followed, they saw he had a cloven hoof!" The Wabbit trembled at his own tale. "They fled back to the Club ... but all died of suffocation that night. And every Hallowe'en - there's a smell of bad air." "I can smell it now," shuddered Lapinette. "It's plastic from the Wabbit's screwdriver," laughed Skratch. But he knew it wasn't ...
Sunday, October 29, 2017
1. The Wabbit and the Shutter Stop
Skratch the Cat chased the Wabbit along Via Gramsci at great speed. But suddenly the Wabbit stopped and stared at a shuttered shopfront. Skratch narrowly avoided colliding and let out a painful meow. "Wabbit, where are you going so quickly?" The Wabbit eyeballed the shutters and hummed vacantly. "Hopping an aimless hop, loping an aimless lope." "It's nearly Hallowe'en, Wabbit," said Skratch, "We've no arrangements for our party." The Wabbit continued to scrutinise the mural without reply. "I couldn't think of a location," continued Skratch. He watched the Wabbit closely and went on. "So what would you prefer? Claustrophobic, wild and wanton, subterranean or deeply forested?" The Wabbit stared at the figure in the mural and raised an eye. There was quite a pause. Then the figure whispered, "Wild." The Wabbit nodded. "Wild," he repeated. Skratch purred. "Wild it shall be, Commander. What kind of wild?" The mural whispered again. "Wild Bunch." "Mmm? Wild Bunch?" murmured the Wabbit. Skratch pricked up his ears. "Then we'll need a lot of space." he meowed. The mural rattled the shutter and screeched, "The Hellfire Club!" Skratch was overjoyed. "Just what I was thinking, Wabbit, shall we confirm?" He waited for a response, but none came. So he poked the Wabbit in the ribs and the Wabbit shot in the air. "Good grief, Skratch!" he yelled. "I didn't know you were there..."
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè
[Note: There is indeed a House of the Devil in Turin.]
Monday, October 16, 2017
14. Ghost Bunny Drops the Awnings
Ghost Bunny ushered the team from the fairground with many kind words and the promise of a lovely welcome on future occasions. "I do hope you liked our special preview," shrieked Ghost Bunny. "Do come again and bring all your friends." The Wabbit hadn't the heart to be vexed. He knew he'd played a few tricks in his time, so he changed his frown for a smile and listened carefully. Skratch purred enthusiastically to Ghost Bunny. He waved his paws, exclaiming that her Ghost Train escapade shot the very rubric of funfair carnivality - and furthermore, transcended post-modern fairground aesthetics. Ghost Bunny squealed in delight. Lapinette however was not so pleased. She argued that her irreplaceable new frock was ripped. The high cost of repair would be cruel and unusual. Ghost Bunny smiled and cast a ghostly glance across the frock, perfectly mending it with all the invisibility a ghost could muster. Lapinette hopped with joy, but a sudden squealing and shrieking from the fairground ride made everyone jump. The Wabbit turned to look. The ride was disappearing and so was the fairground. Ghost Bunny waved, bowed and vanished too. Lapinette and Skratch were next. "Damn spirits are we all," shrugged the Wabbit with a grin. Then he popped into nothing, like a bubble.
["Drops the awnings": Carnival slang for closing for the night. Carny, Circus,Sideshow & Vaudeville Lingo Wayne N. Keyser]
["Drops the awnings": Carnival slang for closing for the night. Carny, Circus,Sideshow & Vaudeville Lingo Wayne N. Keyser]
Friday, October 13, 2017
13. The Wabbit On the Other Side
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
12. The Wabbit and the Last Ride
It was a surprise as the ghost train suddenly leaped towards them. They turned and ran. "It looks like you, Wabbit," shouted Skratch as an icy wind blew at his fur, tearing lettering from his fur. The letters span in the turbulent air. A hideous scraping noise tore along the rails. A wind blew rattling bursts of machine gun fire. The Wabbit caught one of Skratch's letters. "It's hardly me is it?" he sulked. Lapinette caught another letter. "Don't worry, it's much too tacky to be you." The thing heaved and chattered as if insulted, but still it bore down on them. Now they could feel an icy blast, as chilly as the last gasp of an old deep freeze that held its breath for 50 years. Lapinette shrugged and pouted, "Special effects," but she kept on going. "Tunnel bends to the right!" yelled the Wabbit; "so maybe it'll derail." They scampered round the bend but so did the ghost train. Now they were enveloped in a blue pulsing light and the train was at their heels. Everything seemed hopless, as the train had suggested. But the Wabbit looked ahead into the darkness and thought he could see something. "It's always darkest before the prawn," he muttered, "and I think I can see one just ahead." Lapinette tried to find the prawn without success, but the edges of the tunnel flickered pink ...
Monday, October 09, 2017
11. The Wabbit and the End Protocol
When they hit the track they bounced and rolled. A station seemed to flash past and reappear, but it stabilised and shimmered with a fierce blue light. Beyond the barriers, Ghost Bunny waved frantically and pointed. From the distance, another train loomed steadily towards them. "It's got a hat on," shouted Lapinette. She drew several edged weapons from her new frock and recalling the recent rip, threw them all in rapid succession. "That's the Devils hat!" yelled the Wabbit. His fur held an impossible supply of Swiss army knives and he threw them all. Blades sliced through the fetid air. The train glowed and picked up speed, howling like a horde of hungry babies. "The Devil's hat usually comes with the Devil in it," announced Skratch. He detached a series of serrated claws and sent them fizzing down the tunnel. The train slowed and stopped. Lights flickered, engines sighed. "Gotcha!" hissed Skratch. Engines whined and the train lurched forward. Headlamps flickered a message. "Morse," said Lapinette. The Wabbit narrowed his gaze and read the code. "It says, 'Abandon'." "It can't be just abandon. Abandon what?" scowled Lapinette. The signal started again. The Wabbit concentrated, scratched his head - and shrugged. "Abandon Hop."
Friday, October 06, 2017
10. The Wabbit and a Possible Black
The Wabbit pulled the alarm lever. Nothing happened. He hopped to the end of the compartment and tried another. A loudspeaker hummed and spoke. "Ghostly ghastly. Ghostly ghastly. Ghostly ghastly." It wouldn't stop. The train jolted and shot forward. Lights strobed past. Stations flew by like jets. And all the time, the loudspeaker crackled its spooky message. The Wabbit covered his ears and hopped fast as the compartment tilted dangerously. "We shouldn't touch the walls," said Lapinette. The Wabbit raised a questioning eyebrow. "We could disappear into a possibility dimension." The Wabbit flinched. "What does that look like?" "Impossible to say," said Lapinette. Skratch the Cat signalled to the Wabbit. "Commander, things are fading out." The Wabbit looked up and he could see the roof of the tunnel. Bit by bit, the train became invisible. But the loudspeaker continued. "Ghostly ghastly. Ghostly ghastly." Ghost Bunny's eyes crossed. "I'm going to haunt off, see what's going on." She became invisible too. Now they seemed to hurtle through the tunnel independently, desperately avoiding the walls. Lapinette glimpsed a sign as it flashed past. "Nerezza!" she breathed. "What does it mean?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit shrugged. "It means dark, Skratch. But not as we know it..." "Fade to black," quipped Skratch. "But you're a cat," said Lapinette; "You can only fade to grey."
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