7. The Wabbit takes a Passenger

 

"Hop on Pio" said the Wabbit "You're coming with us!" "I rather think I'd better," murmured Pio, who had sprained his puppet ankle in the scuffle by kicking a puppet who got in his way. It was a puppet who had trodden on Pio's toes on more than one occasion and Pio had taken reprisals on the way out. "What kind of economist are you, Pio?" asked the Wabbit, who received an economic review every month. "I am a follower of Michal Kalecki," said Pio solemnly. "Oh yes," said the Wabbit, "he plays a kind of rhythm and blues jazz on a Hammond B-3 organ." "Wabbit! You know quite well that's Vojtek Karolak!" said Lapinette, who had been raiding the Wabbit's extensive but eclectic jazz collection. "Is he always like this?" asked Pio of Lapinette. "You'll get used to it," said Lapinette. "Is Snail travel proven safe?" said Pio. "That would be no fun at at all," said Mo with relish. "We have Advanced Fuzzy Traction," said To. "Excellent. I have futures in that," said Pio and he settled back in comfort. "How many Machs would you like the Snails to travel?" said the Wabbit. "Eight hundred and eighty one thousand please," said Pio, thinking of his investment. "I think I need to do more work in the shed for the speed of light," grimaced the Wabbit, "and a new budget line."  "No need," said Mo. And this time there was no boom. It was more of a quiet whoosh and the MoTo Snails and their passengers warped to a tiny dot and vanished.

6. The Wabbit brings down the House

Lapinette turned on a camera and the Wabbit swam into sight on the big screen. "Puppets!" he commanded. "Listen! Now you have a choice!" The Puppets stared at the Wabbit and they shifted uneasily. "Rise!" shouted the Wabbit. "Rise like puppets woke by thunder!" Lapinette clashed two cymbals together and everyone jumped and gave the Wabbit time to think of the next line. "In unconquerable number!" he cried.  There was as snapping noise from the back of the House, followed by others. "Snap your strings like crusty glue, that day by day attached to you!" rhymed the Wabbit. A ripple passed through the puppets like a Mexican Wave. The Wabbit thought furiously. "You're solo puppets through and through!" he bellowed. No-one really knows who threw the first punch. Perhaps no one ever will. But the Wabbit thought he caught sight of Pio's jacket and a light grinned from one of his 28 teeth. The House dissolved into a flurry of puppet limbs and severed strings and all was chaos. "Lets get out of here," said Lapinette and she propelled the Wabbit down the stairs to the door. "Where on earth did you get that poem?" "I borrowed it," gasped the Wabbit, "I took it from Shelley." "Not the Masque of Anarchy?" said Lapinette. "Well, did it work?" demanded the Wabbit. "It worked," sighed Lapinette. "It always does," smiled the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit takes Over

Suddenly the chamber filled with puppets who listened automatically to a tinny but familiar voice from hidden loudspeakers. "I recognise that Agent chatter," murmured the Wabbit.  "Shhh," said Lapinette, "it will soon be time to move." The Voice was glib and certain and it continued smugly. "All voting on Regulation 207/4, hyper-genetic carrots, draw close and prepare to vote the usual way." The Wabbit winked at Pio. "Wait for it," Lapinette frowned. Pio nodded and then cracked his knuckles. All the puppets glanced in Pio’s direction and their arms twitched slightly. The loudspeaker crackled again. "In the introduction of designer GM carrots with anti-wabbit vaccine, all vote "Yes"." But nothing happened and everything was still. The puppets looked at each other and jingled the Wabbit’s coins in their pockets. "It therefore passes into statute, nem con" hissed the furious Voice. “No!” shouted the Wabbit. The puppets froze. “Under the rules of the House, I abstain!” he yelled. “So do I!” said Lapinette and as they both raised their voting arms a forest of abstaining arms rose behind them. "No confidence in the House!" shouted the Wabbit and he flung his fake voting arm on the floor. "No confidence, no confidence, no confidence," repeated the puppets until their voices reached a crescendo that rattled the windows. The Wabbit grinned and hopped forward to glare at the place the voice was coming from. "I challenge the House, the assembly is mine," he yelled and turned to the puppets. "Who's in charge?" he shouted. "Wabbit!" they yelled back. 

4. The Wabbit seeks Advice

The Wabbit drew his contact aside to ask a private but pertinent question. "Pray tell me your name," said the Wabbit smiling a special diplomatic smile. "I am Pio Pulcinella!" said the Puppet, "how may I assist you?" "You are a political and economic puppet," whispered the Wabbit confidentially. "And I'm at your service," said Pio. "It's about my lists of priorities," said the Wabbit. Pio nodded. "Tell me more," he urged. "I keep adding to my lists and they get longer," said the Wabbit. "How are they organised?" asked Pio. "Randomly," said the Wabbit brightly. "That's not too unusual," said Pio. "so tell me which is your most important list and which is your longest?" "That's easy," said the Wabbit, "because they're one and the same list," "What's your name for that list," said Pio patiently. "Miscellaneous," said the Wabbit. Pio shook his head and thought for a while. Then he snapped his fingers. "What then" he asked," is the item at the very top of that list?" "Organising my lists," said the Wabbit. Pio Pulcinella leaned back with satisfaction and cracked his knuckles. "You have a knapsack problem," he said. "I do?" said the Wabbit. "And there is a knapsack solution," said Pio. "Do tell," said the Wabbit sceptically, since he had an overflowing knapsack at home and that was on one of his lists. "Only so much can go in your knapsack," said Pio, "so get rid of what you don't need." "I'm uncertain about what I don't need," said the Wabbit. "I have a computer programme for uncertainty," smiled Pio.

3. The Wabbit & the Puppet Parliament

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette were speedily shown to the debating chamber of the Big Parliament and they scampered up the stairs to the sound of considerable moaning from the Wabbit. "I don’t like this costume," complained the Wabbit. "You’re meant to blend in - you’re undercover," whispered Lapinette. The Wabbit scowled. "When I’m undercover," he said ponderously, "I like to sell newspapers, not be a newspaper." Then the Wabbit thought for a bit and decided he hadn't quite exhausted the topic, so he continued. "Besides, I rustle too much and by the way, I’m creased," he grumbled. "I think it’s rather fitting you’re a crossword," said Lapinette. "Oh look, there’s our contact. Do you think he’s done what we asked?" "Well we gave him plenty of coins, I can hear him jingling," said the Wabbit, shifting his ears and thinking some more. "Lap, Are you certain the plan will work?" he whispered. "Of course," said Lapinette. "After the Big Vote, there will be complete confusion and a power vacuum will follow." "What then?" asked the Wabbit, thinking of a vacuum cleaner. "Just hop in and fill it," said Lapinette. The Wabbit brightened considerably as he imagined himself as a massive cyclonic separator. Lapinette kept quiet since knew that the Wabbit was given to flights of fancy and she was cute enough to humour him. "Please hop this way," said their puppet contact. The Wabbit raised his paws one by one as if they were pulled by strings. “Hoppy to oblige,” smiled the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit supposes

The Wabbit’s destination was the Big Parliament and as he and Lapinette hopped up the steps they met a puppet who fitted their mission target. "Follow my lead," whispered  the Wabbit to Lapinette, "and if it doesn’t work, run some interference!" Lapinette nodded and the Wabbit stepped forward and addressed the Puppet. "I suppose you know how things operate around here?" asked the Wabbit. "Supposing I was to advise you?" said the Puppet. "Supposing I could make it worth your while?" said the Wabbit. "Supposing you were to demonstrate your goodwill," said the Puppet. The Wabbit paused, dug in his fur and jingled some coins. "I suppose that would do nicely," said the Puppet. The Wabbit leaned towards the Puppet and lowered his voice. "Supposing the Big Vote went a particular way," he continued. "Supposing I was to use my influence," said the Puppet. "Supposing I had 200 more of these coins," said the Wabbit. The Puppet pondered for a while. "I suppose every little helps," said the Puppet. "I suppose I could be more charitable," said the Wabbit and he jingled the coins in his fur again because he was beginning to like the sound. For a while they both listened and the Puppet smiled at the Wabbit and the Wabbit smiled back. "I suppose you’d have an opinion on how my friends might vote," said the Puppet and he rubbed a single coin in his hand as if it would magically multiply. The Wabbit shot a glance at Lapinette and she hopped quickly forward. "I suppose they might abstain," she murmured quietly.

1. The Wabbits and a Speedy Departure

Following a communiqué from the Department, The Wabbit and Lapinette prepared to leave on an urgent mission. The Wabbit had decided that the most appropriate way to reach their destination was with the MoTo Snails and both he and Lapinette had made themselves comfortable on board.  "Are you sure Mo and To can reach a speed of Mach 2?" asked  Lapinette. "Oh, there have been modifications since then," said the Wabbit. "What kind of modifications?” sighed Lapinette suspiciously. "Super duper ones," said the Wabbit. "Won’t we fall off then?" said Lapinette. "Not at all," said the Wabbit. "Not since we introduced Advanced Fuzzy Traction." "We?" said Lapinette questioningly. "Big Blue Snail and I," said the Wabbit. "Hmm," said Lapinettte, and she shifted uneasily on her perch. "Anyway, I think you’re pulling my leg," she added. "Check it out!" yelled Mo. "We have carefully assessed the modifications and we’re quietly assured," said To. Lapinette leaned across to the Wabbit in a confidential fashion. "Wabbit," she whispered, "I can never remember who is Mo and who is To." "No problem," smiled  the Wabbit. "Mo is the impetuous one and To thinks too much." "I don’t think I think too much," said To, who had heard everything. "What about breathing at high speed?" said Lapinette. "Well since they’re so fast, you won’t even have to hold your breath," said the Wabbit. "We are about to commence scheduled departure on the count of three," said To. "Three," said Mo. And with two ear-splitting sonic booms, they vanished.