4. The Wabbit and the Dark Archetype

Water streamed into the washing machine and sloshed around as the drum span faster. The Wabbit lost grip of his phone but when he looked for it, his fur stood on end at the sight of an unwelcome presence. "What are you doing in my unconscious?" he growled at what was clearly an Agent Of Rabit. "Get out at once!" he yelled indignantly. "I can't," said the Agent, "because I live here." "You can’t live here, rent free and uninvited," gasped the Wabbit. "I can’t leave because I’m part of you," said the wicked Agent. The water sloshed soap suds around and the Wabbit found himself upside down. "Your a fiendish fiend," gurgled the Wabbit. "You need to give me a chance," replied  the Agent. "I’ll give you justice!" shouted the Wabbit. "And who would make me dried bread*?" said the Agent. "I’ll bring a loaf to your cell every day!" shouted the Wabbit. "Then you would be a prisoner too," said the Agent. There was a long pause. All the Wabbit could hear was water. He fell silent as he thought, and as he thought he revolved. "How can you possibly be part of me?" he asked. "I'm your potential for wrongdoing," said the Agent, "don’t you recognise me?" Then he too revolved as the soapy suds washed over his feet. The Wabbit stared at the Agent of Rabit and the more he stared, the more he recognised. The Agent became fainter and fainter - until he was merely a lick of colour in the soapy water. "It’s a good thing I brought a towel," gurgled the Wabbit.

[*Russian saying: prepare for prison, exile]

3.The Wabbit and his Psyche

The washing machine drum started to tumble, and the Wabbit gripped his phone to communicate with his unconscious. "Hello, anyone there?" asked the Wabbit. He heard muffled sounds and a crackling, then suddenly a familiar voice boomed from the earphone. "Hello, who’s calling please?" "It’s the Wabbit and I know your voice - it’s Snail," said the Wabbit. "You’re very clear! You could be standing next to me," said Snail, "where are you calling from?" "I’m in my deep unconscious," said the Wabbit, "but what are you doing here?" "Nothing leaves the psyche," said Snail sagely. "If I’m in your unconscious, I must represent something important to you, Wabbit. Can you think what it is?" The Wabbit thought as the drum tumbled slowly. "Well, you’re stalwart and principled and I can always rely on you," he said. "That’s all very well," said Snail. "But can you think of anything negative?" The Wabbit thought hard for a small criticism that wouldn’t offend, but Snail seemed to know what he was thinking. "I won't take offence, Wabbit. I am merely a relational object amongst others in your psyche," he said soothingly. "OK," said the Wabbit. "you can be a bit pompous sometimes." "Pompous!"  said Snail. "How dare you! I think that rightly belongs to you." "I suppose," agreed the Wabbit and he thought again. "Snail, do you have a complaint about me?" "Yes," said Snail. "It’s your misplaced humour." "Ah!" smiled the Wabbit, "if I misplaced my humour, then it’s not lost and I’ll find it again soon." There was a long silence. "Do you see what I mean?" sighed Snail. 

2. The Wabbit explores his Unconscious

The Wabbit looked all around. Then he looked all around again. "How on earth did I get here?" mused the Wabbit. The Wabbit's reflection laughed and laughed. "You're in your unconscious," it said with enormous mirth. "My unconscious is full of gadgets and electrical goods?" queried the Wabbit. "You're a little weird," said his reflection, "but this will do fine for the time being." The Wabbit had a long think. "Why?" he asked finally. "Since you're on this floor, you obviously need to communicate," said his reflection. "Communicate to who?" said the Wabbit in amazement. "Now you sound like an owl," said his reflection. "Anyway, it's to whom. Whom is the object of the preposition." The Wabbit's unconscious whirled. "OK, I grant you the grammar, just answer the question," he said. "Communicate with yourself," said his reflection emphatically and it squinted at the Wabbit in the glare of the shop lights. "Do I need a phone for that?" said the Wabbit. "If it helps," said his reflection. "There's so much choice, so what colour should it be?" asked the Wabbit. "What's your mood?" asked his reflection. "Blue," said the Wabbit. "Then it's settled," said his reflection. "Now we can go deeper into your unconscious." The Wabbit looked down. "What's there?" he asked. "Washing machines," said his reflection. "Good clean out?" suggested the Wabbit. "And a spin dry," grinned his reflection.

1.The Wabbit and his Shadow

The Wabbit had been on the roof, thinking. And there were many things to think about. There were the wicked Agents of Rabit, who never left him in peace. There was his work for the Department. There were his leadership duties to his small band of willing helpers. Last but not least, there was the sausage question that had not been fully laid to rest. But that wasn't all - because of the list of things to do from more than a year ago. There had been so many additions! "Now the things that used to be at the end of my list are in the middle," sighed the Wabbit. The Wabbit stretched out a paw to his shadow on the staircase wall and touched it just for fun. "You're funny!" said his shadow. "I beg your pardon," said the Wabbit sharply. "Don't worry about your list, Wabbit." The Wabbit sat down on the stairs and looked at his shadow. "What exactly do you propose," he said with narrowed eyes. "What are you doing for fun?" asked the Wabbit's shadow. The Wabbit shrugged. "That's not a satisfactory reply," said his shadow. "You mean like playing unobtainable records from 1936?" suggested the Wabbit. His shadow started to laugh. "I mean exciting adventures," he said. "I can't always be having adventures," said the Wabbit. "Everything's an adventure," replied his shadow. "In that case, another will start in a minute," said the Wabbit, who was beginning to feel cheered. "Can I come?" asked his shadow with excitement. "Hard to get rid of you," chortled the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Sausage Incident

"It was spontaneous combustion!" said the Wabbit, "just like you see on Discovery Channel." "You deliberately took a lighter out of your fur," said Lapinette. "I only intended to light a small paper napkin," said the Wabbit. "It was provocative" said Lapinette. "Well that's all in the past," said the Wabbit diplomatically and he flicked his lighter a few times. "Anyway, the demonstration was all your idea." he added very, very quietly. "Rabbit sausages should be forbidden, it's against nature," said Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded in agreement and pondered for a while. "Well, maybe you shouldn't have tipped the policeman's hat off," he murmured. "He shouted at me in an uncouth manner," said Lapinette. "What did he say?" asked the Wabbit as he looked down to dust charcoal from his fur. "That wabbits were nothing but trouble," said Lapinette, imitating a whiny voice. The Wabbit stifled a giggle, which he thought might be unwise under the circumstances. "What happened to the sausages anyway?" asked Lapinette. "They got cooked in the fire and a lot of customers came and ate them up," said the Wabbit ruefully. Lapinette slapped a paw to her head and groaned. "Look, the fire was very small and that nice fireman put it out with a single extinguisher," said the Wabbit.  "So how many lunches do you owe the emergency services now?" asked Lapinette. "Eleven," smiled the Wabbit,  "I'm a legend in their own lunchtime."

The Wabbit and the Many Maps

The Wabbit and Lapinette met to look at maps. The secret map of the Agents of Rabit contained a list of references to other maps, so Lapinette produced  her Big Map Box and emptied it on the table. “What about the original map?” enquired the Wabbit.  Lapinette pointed to her head. “I memorised it,” she exclaimed, “and then it was eaten.” “Oh,” said the Wabbit and he tried to think of what to say. “What did it taste like?” he asked finally. “I don’t know,” said Lapinette “I gave it to Big Blue Snail to eat. He said it was the most delicious map ever.” The Wabbit smiled and pored over the maps. “Greece, Germany, Ireland and ... Abu Dhabi,” he said with interest. “Abu Dhabi Agents of Rabit, “ sighed Lapinette.  “They certainly get around,” chuckled the Wabbit and he took some time to review all the locations on all of the maps. “I had one of these talking maps,” said the Wabbit suddenly. “Really, how did that work?” smiled Lapinette. “By satellite,” said the Wabbit. “You tell it where you want to go and it gives you  precise directions.”  “A GPS,”  said Lapinette. “I don’t know, it never worked for me,”  said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked questioningly and the Wabbit scowled. “Everywhere  I asked for,  it said, ”I’m as mystified as you.””

8. The Wabbit at the Zero Caffè

Lapinette was studying something very intently when the Wabbit arrived with his protégés in tow. "I present Mo and To, the MoTo Snails," said the Wabbit with pride. Lapinette assessed the Snails for quite some time. "How fast?" she asked eventually. "Oh around Mach 2," said the Wabbit in a matter-of-fact manner that suggested Mach 2 was routine for a snail.  "Wabbit!" shouted Lapinette. "Have you and Big Blue Snail been working in that shed again?" "We hired a garage," said the Wabbit innocently. Lapinette looked sternly at the Wabbit and then turned to the Snails. "Mo and To, are you quite happy with this turn of events?" she enquired softly. "Delighted," said Mo. "Critically delighted," said To. While Mo and To were wiggling their antennae in delight, the Wabbit seized the opportunity to ask what Lapinette was studying. "The Map," said Lapinette. "What map?" asked  To. "The locations of our wicked and vengeful enemies, the agents of Rabit," said Lapinette. To and Mo looked questioningly. "They would make sausages of us all," explained Lapinette.  "We’re against them!" shouted Mo. "Let's get 'em!" yelled To. "Now!" they cried in unison. Big Blue Snail shook his head. "I fear their youthful enthusiasm requires tempering by a mature and wise mind," he said. There was a thud as Lapinette slapped her menu on the table. "Well, I hope you’re not thinking of the Wabbit," she said.